Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Yesterday was HARD!
I did not get enough sleep (weird job schedule).
I went to the gym after my whopping 2 hours of early morning work (told you, weird work schedule, plus I closed the night before).
At the gym, I was to "crosstrain" from my run/walk on Sunday, and do strength.
In other words, my normal, usually energize me, awesome workout.
But nooooooo. Not true this time.
Oh! I did the workout.
I just felt like I was doing it while in a lake of quicksand.
I left the gym telling my front desk peeps that I was "just not feelin' it today."
I went home, started to do all the stuff I have been procrastinating. (applying for nursing jobs, laundry, cleaning). But, I was so tired...
I ended up taking a nap. All the while craving fried, greasy, salty foods.
I made some oven baked sweet potato fries and a very yucky canola mayo-curry dip. And ate it all! (it wasn't really yucky, I'm just telling you it was so you don't go trying it)
Picked up my teenager from school, drove her to therapy--where said child was none too pleased afterward. (Lord, give me strength to endure this beautiful, gifted, depressed, entitled, stubborn, amazing child!)
Then I had salad and one slice of cheese pizza while she ate the rest of the pizza. And I had a beer. Yum.
Came home with the intention of watching some "make me cry" movie. Watched the Olympics instead. (very inspiring).
But ya know what I did not do? I did not beat myself up for feeling low. I did not wallow in self pity. I did not succumb to the voices in my head telling me I am not doing enough, or not eating right, or not loving my child exactly correctly.
I did not allow those voices room in my head. I assured myself that I was fine. My body is adjusting to a new work schedule and to a new workout routine (running--oh yes!). And that I was allowed to have a day where I felt poopy. Tired. And craving fatty, salty foods. And I could have some of those things. And it does not make me less than anything. Nor does it make me not enough. Nor valued.
I am exactly who I am supposed to be, right now, today. And who I am is enough. Loved. Valued. And allowed to feel and be exactly how I feel and am at any given time.
Oh NO Missy! I did not go there!