Tuesday, August 31, 2010
On Saturday, Aug 21st, my sister called me from Georgia. The first thing she said was, "Now don't freak out"! How could I not panic at that?! She then proceeded to tell me that she & my other sister had my mom at the hospital emergency room. They thought she had had a stroke or possibly a heart attack. My mom is 63 years old, just retired, & she's an alcoholic. Needless to say, I freaked out!!!
I flew home to Atlanta early Sunday morning. Mom did have a heart attack, her blood alcohol content was .324 when she was admitted to the ER. Thats 4 times the legal limit! Mom has been an alcoholic for 30 years or more. We, my sisters & I, have known it forever. Mom also has some deep seeded emotional issues.
Mom was transferred to the best cardiac hospital in Atlanta & had a heart cath on that Monday. She has a large blood clot in her heart, congestive heart failure, & 30% of her heart is dead. If she weren't an alcoholic, she would be on a heart transplant list. So very sad. Mom doesn't realize quite how sick she is. She has been too emotional to be rational. She has been on lots of medication, not only for her heart, but to help with detox. The detox meds prevent seizures, help with anxiety, boost lost vitamins, etc. Today is day 10 of sobriety!!!
My sister transferred mom straight from the cardiac hospital to a rehab hospital on this past Sunday afternoon. Mom agreed to stay for 14 days. She had a meltdown yesterday & called us to come get her, she would do whatever we wanted, just get her out of there. Well, what we want is for her to stay in rehab! She is still there this morning. We know its the best place for her, & deep in her sick mind, mom knows it is too.
This is such a tough situation. I have to be strong, I am the oldest child. I have to practice tough love with my mom! Once mom is through with 14 days of rehab, she will be coming to Missouri to live with me for a while. I only work 22hrs a week, my schedule is VERY flexible. My DH or I can be here with mom all the time. I have found outpatient treatment for her to attend, AA meetings, & Al-Anon for myself!
Now, as far as eating correctly goes...... I fell off the soda wagon while I was at the hospital with mom last week. Coca-Cola is my go to comfort food. It had such a calming effect on me during such high stress moments! I still ate fairly well, but had ZERO exercise! Now that I am back home, in a somewhat regular routine, I can go back to exercising what little my body will allow.
Those of you that read this, if you are the praying type, please offer up a lil prayer for my mom & my sisters, along with myself. God is such a gracious & mighty God, He will bring us through this, its just not going to be easy from any aspect!
"I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me!" Phil 4:13
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
So, yesterday, DH & I decided we would take a cruise next spring. We are going with some friends who are extremely fit & healthy~ yikes! (He bikes 20 miles for fun & she ran the Boston Marathon this year!) Needless to say, I gotta get my butt in gear!!!!
We are taking a 7 night trip to the Eastern caribbean, we have been to Western Caribbean many times this will be a first! No one is sure if we are taking children or not~ my vote is NOT! (Besides our oldest told us last night that he needs $3000 to go to Austria for 2 weeks for a culinary internship next summer~ thinkin' he doesn't wanna go with us)
I want to be able to wear my swimsuit with confidence! I will never have the sharp lines of a runner, I have a few too many curves for that! But I just wanna feel HOT & SEXY! DH tells me all the time, that he loves me however I am. Thats great, but I don't love me like I am right now! I am making progress, lost 9lbs so far. I am VERY encouraged & motivated! I am having a problem not getting enough calories though. I eat healthy filling foods & I am just not hungry! I don't wanna eat just to eat, will have to work on that I guess!
Have a great day all!
Saturday, August 07, 2010
I live in the lil town of St James, Missouri
. The home of the band that was involved in the horrible bus accident this week in St Louis.
I work in Sullivan, the home of the young man who was driving the pick-up truck invovled as well.
There is nothing but sadness all around....
Daniel Schatz, the 19yo man killed, family said that he was put there for a reason~ so that more children on the bus didn't lose their lives. What a selfless statement from them! We have lost a beautiful little girl, Jessica Brinker, here in St James as well. Being a town of 3000 people, we know about everyone, my husband worked with her dad.
We never know what God has in store for us. Why He chooses to take young people, other than their time on earth is finished. We should be thankful for every moment we have with the children that God has loaned to us! I, as a parent, am guilty of letting my children stress me out. But now that 1 of my sons has moved away, I realize how important ALL the moments with your children are, stressful or not.
May God hold the families of all involves in His loving arms!
Friday, July 30, 2010
So after 2 different doctors visits yesterday I shouldn't feel this good. They both told me I should lose around 50lbs! (Well, no kidding doc! You mamm - need a haircut! So there!) But I really feel motivated to lose! I just keep telling myself~ 1 meal at a time! My doctor pulled a screen up that showed my weight over the last 5 years, I have gained every stinking year! (Did you remember that I work for Cracker Barrel? For the past 5 years! I think I see the correlation here.....)
Well, it is a new day & not only do I know I need patience, I know that I need to change my habits. I have never used illegal drugs in my life, but I think I know what an addict feels like. I know that I am addicted to Coca-Cola. When I open the can & start to drink it, I just have this feeling of...ahhhh! comfort! all is good! Thats what I think a drug addict or alcoholic must feel like...... So~ NO more soda for me. Its better for me & my body to just leave it behind.
I am off to work today for 12 hours, so my meals will be consumed there. No problem though.. I am taking some frozen fruit & yogurt to make into a smoothie, having grilled fish for lunch/dinner. I WILL succeed!!!
(Still need the patience from yesterday though!) Did I mention that I will be interviewed for the management job that I want today? Yikes!
Have a blessed day!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
So I didn't get the big promotion I was hoping for! I haven't lost any weight! My oldest son has moved out on his own!
Am I not good enough for the job? Am I just supposed to be fat? Am I really old enough to have a child that doesn't live at home anymore?
So let me answer these questions~~~
1. I am PERFECT for the job, they just don't know it yet OR thats not what God wants me to do!
2.Nope, I'm not! I didn't gain it all in 1 day, it WILL come off~ perseverence will prevail!
3. Yes I really am old enough to be an empty nester!
These are NOT the answers that I wanted! But its what is real & true. Life will continue on even though I am not happy with the answers! But I am so very blessed, this is but a mere speed bump to contend with!
If I were to get the big promotion that I am hoping for, I would be tied to 50 hours a week, minimum. You see, I work for Cracker Barrel Old Country Store. I have been there almost 5 years. I started out serving tables, cooked for a while, now I have an administrative position. I want the management postion. The HR job I have now has been cut from 40 to 22 hours a week. While I admit, working 22 hours is great~ not so much for the checkbook balance! ;) The next logical step is management, but is that really where God wants me? I will have to wait & see. Patience.....
If I were supposed to be fat, well I don't know what. I have been a lil overweight for my entire life. I need to drop 50lbs to be "healthy". The weight will NOT just fall off! The doctor doesn't have a magic wand to make it go away (would be nice though)! So, I have to take responsibility of myself & make the adjustments needed! The torn muscle in my leg hasn't completely healed, it will be a year in October that I tore it! It is much better, but recovery is a slow process.... I will continue to monitor my food intake, although food isn't really the issue. I drink my calories! I am addicted to coca-cola. I can't handle the diet stuff~ awful headaches from the aspertame. I have weaned down to 1 or 2 a day instead of 10-12! I will have to work slowly.
Why didn't anyone tell me that letting go of my children was going to be so hard??? I never really thought about them leaving I guess! My son has moved out into his own apartment, close to the college he will be attending (only bout 40 miles away). It SO quiet here. This was the hangout for all of his friends. I worry about all the mom things~ whats he eating? does he have clean clothes? who is at his apartment? will he remember to lock the doors? (we live out in the country, doors locks not really necessary) I know that this will get easier.
So, what this all boils down to is just being patient I guess. God is really trying to teach me something, another something I will have to be working on.
Well, its off to work! Have a blessed day!
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