Saturday, October 30, 2010
Wow it has been a long time since I have been on sparkpeople and I have missed it. I had been getting on at work becuase I didn't have a working computer or internet. Then I lost my job and didn't have access to computer much, and Sparkpeople was the one thing that took that hit, and boy have gone down hill.
I believe I am now at my heaviest weight I have ever been at my entire life. The reason I say I believe I am there is because last time I stepped on the scale I was 2 pounds away from that, and I have been way to scared to step back on, but my pants are telling me that I have put on more then a few pounds since that point.
I have no clue what my problem is. I got engaged in August, and am planning a March wedding so now I want to lose weight more then ever so I won't be embarrassed at looking at my wedding pictures, but I have put on weight since that time. I know part of that has to do with the fact that I am stress eating from being out of a job, but that is no excuse. I have no excuse. I always said if I didn't work and had much more time on my hands I would spend alot more time at the gym. And as soon as I lost my job I said I would look at the bright side that I have the oppourtunity to concentrate more on my weight loss efforts ( I lost my job the weekend after I got engaged so you would think I would have had the good motivation). Well for awhile I at least went to the gym, I did some aerobics classes that I wouldn't have gotten to do other wise because I was at work. After 3 weeks of this something happened, I have no idea what, but I just stopped having the drive and the motivation to go, and I haven't been since, but I do seem to get out of the house to find something fattening to eat.
I don't know why I do what I do, or even what I need to do to be able to give me that kick in the you know what that I need. But I hope that fact that I am able to get back on Sparkpeople and have the support of people who are going through the same things as me, that it will give me the good start and help that I need and I can put myself in control of food instead of food being in control of me.