Monday, September 06, 2010
Today I was kind of upset with myself because for the two days prior to today (Saturday and Sunday), I had let myself completely go. Yesterday I must have eaten three bar-b-que sandwiches and two or three peanut butter and jelley sandwiches as well as eating some bar-b-que from the pot. I just got a feeling of I DON'T CARE ANYMORE for some reason. I also had a LARGE mixed drink of Bacardi Rum and Vanilla Coke yesterday (but I did share it with Lacie and David) (It has been soooo long). I think Saturday and Sunday I must have had four soft drinks (or more) also. I truly believe that the whole thing started last Friday morning when I couldn't wait to weigh myself and when I did, my scale said that I still weighed 294 pounds. My kids said "Well, at least you didn't gain any", but that wasn't good enough for me. My ex-wife has been harrassing me non-stop and spreading rumors affecting my bid for our (me and my kid's) next elections Town Council seat in our (me and my children's) town and It had been a whole week of walking EVERY DAY and sparce work-outs (no matter what or how late) and eating right, and I hadn't lost an ounce! Well, today I cut grass (ours and a friend's) for over five hours and it gave me plenty of exercise as well as time to think. So after I completed the tasks of today, I ate one bar-b-que sandwich and a salad for supper, took a shower, and I am tired and on my way again (going back on track). I can't wait for tomorrow's walk! Please Lord, watch over me and my family and give us the strength to face tomorrow knowing that you are in control. Amen.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
It is easier to be gung-ho when you first begin a great trip. The motivation alone will take you a long way. You become excited at the thought of a "new you" and your blood gets pumping and your mind, body and spirit are all in agreement! "I'm gonna do it this time!" But it gets a little harder later down the road, when the idea is not so new anymore and your body doesn't want to keep playing this stupid game that you have been making it play.
It tells you, "Man, you don't have all of the time that this Spark thing keeps taking. The exercise all the time, your always sweaty, the extra time it takes to make a salad. You probably don't even have all of the stuff to make the kind of salad that you want tonight. Now you're going to have to go to the store and get something. More time! And you still have to walk tonight, don't you? So, what time are you planning to get all this sleep?" Your body truly wants to stay the way that it has grown accustomed too and will put up a good defence if it can get you to listen. (kind-of-like smoking, (but I won't go there) which I also quit last January 1, 2010).
If you don't listen to your body and quit, one day, you awaken feeling thinner and healthier and the world is wonderful. You put on the shirt that you couldn't wear a couple of months ago...And it fits!!!......It's still a 2X, BUT IT FITS!!! Now you can actually sit down with it on and not be afraid of firing off a button! That alone keeps you motivated for another week....and then you slip. "For some reason I was just sooooo hungry, I can't believe I ate the whoooole thing, I just haven't had anything sweet in soooo long."
You go through the bad feelings of not having control over yourself and blah, blah, blah, and before you know it, you miss three days of walking because it has been sooooo hot outside. Even the nights are just so muggy and blegttthhh! You were going to walk yesterday but it rained and everything is so nasty. Those are the times when you are going to have to you pick yourself up again, shut the refrigerator door, go to bed and start the next morning with a walk. You keep going, start over, continue the quest.....Change.
My point here is that there WILL be times that you will feel less than adequate in this journey, it's only natural in a lifestyle change. Lifestyle is a big word, and All great changes in life bring out an emotional cleansing. Mind, body and spirit all have to change together and thus there is a confusion between them while each take their shot at establishing dominance in this new lifestyle. And this confusion will continue until you take control of who you are. The Bible states that "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak". Your body WILL listen to you once it understand who is master. It has no choice, you are master. But until your body accepts that things are going to change, you will find yourself being tested consistently.
Sometimes you ARE going to fail, it is inevitable. It is only natural that you can't win them ALL, but don't waste to much time on the down times (kicking yourself) because we are only human and we ALL make mistakes. Also, this is your body and you don't want to be too hard on it. After all you have a whole lifetime of being together involved here and, the good Lord willing, you are going to be together for a loooong time.
In closing, remember that you are not alone in any phase of this journey that you have chosen to be the next great change in your life, and there is strength in numbers. We are ALL here to help ourselves and each other and we are ALL on the same side. Some teaching, some learning, some just hanging on. So, Lean on me, when your not strong, because one day (maybe even soon) I'm gonna need somebody to lean on. (Dang sure could have used you last week).
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Yesterday my little girl came home. You see we went to Cherokee, N.C. last weekend to act as volunteers for the Ninth Annual Talking Trees Trout Derby for Kids" on the Cherokee Indian Reservation. Well, my mother's side of our family lives there in the mountains and my sister asked could she keep my daughter for a week and she would bring her back home this weekend.
To make a long story short, I allowed her to stay and me and my son headed back to South Carolina without her. He, being sixteen and her being twelve, he was ecstatic that he would be away from her for a whole week and for the first couple of days I must admit, it was pretty cool. We cleaned the house and cooked and washed the dishes without any bickering, like they would do while she was here.
We fed the chickens and picked the garden, went to work and watched some movies, read, hung out together and talked about personal (guy) things. We went and actually played a whole game of tennis without the constant "But I want to plaaaaayyyy!" and the "But you suck!" from her brother
I write a small column for our town's local newspaper and head a small not-for-profit charitable town organization and for the first time in a while, I was able to complete my column and our organization's paperwork for the week without one "Daaaad, T-Tah's doing blah, blah, blah, or vise-versa. (T-Tah is what she calls her brother) ..........But things were just not the same.
The calls of "Dad, would you like a glass of water" as we all work outside or on the job. I know that this is just one of her many ploys to escape work because it usually follows "Man, I HATE weeding the garden" and some kind of "smitchhh" sound from her mouth, with like a little smirk to it. She hasn't figured out that I know yet, or maybe she has but it has worked for her so many times before.......
Her smile and laughter were missing from our table. While we ate our fresh fruits and vegetables. Her brothers constant attempts at cracking her up had silently disappeared as he and I don't have the same relationship that he and she do, because sometimes I really couldn't care less about how stupid Crabby Mike is on Sponge Bob Square Pants, or which power puff girl HE (my son) may look like, or any of those other silly things........Like he and she do.
Moving along before I start crying.............(They are sooo funny together).
We (our family) are very active in our community, and this week (as usual), we (me and my son, because Shelley wasn't here) helped organize our small town's bi-weekly community softball game. Well my sister knows this and had told me that they would be here before lunchtime this Saturday so that Shelley could play. But there it was, 5:30pm and still no Shelley (my daughter). I knew that it was going to be different without her ( she plays second base for us) and her heckling of the opposing players is impecable, but it was time to start so we were beginning to pick teams when out of the corner of my eye I saw a little girl walking from behind our meeting hall building carrying several bags.
I hollared "SHELLEY" and she smiled and kept walking toward our van, hands full. I ran over and said "you don't want to give your old dad a hug?" She answered "Yes sir, I just wanted to put my bags in the car first" as she was throwing the bags into the opened door. She then wrapped her arms around me and said "I missed you." As I was in the middle of telling her the same thing, her brother walked up. "Hey Smelley, welcome home" he said, to which she responded with a resounding, "Hey butt-head, thanks" and then, "Dad, you look smaller since the last time I saw you".
This is a warning to the world.........Don't you EVER hurt my little girl.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
How beautiful. And thank you for sharing those feelings so openly. The world needs more heartfelt people like you. I too have those feelings sometimes and I have been up and down so many times that I just don't even remember them all anymore....Unless I look at the pictures.
Of course everything in my life has pretty much always been like that, as far as I can remember. I came from a broken, dysfunctional family and a childhood of foster homes and abusive parents. As far as I can remember all of the women on my mother's side were depressive and obese. (But man can we all cook!). I think that that was our way of escaping; food was our happiness.
At sixteen I fell in love with, and eventually married, a bad person who later left our family and tried to take everything we had when she did. I have since (for the last eight years) raised two wonderful, well mannered, well behaved, very moral, "Principle's List" children single-handedly, while I went to school, coached both of their baseball teams and worked for myself as a small time residential General contractor.
There have been many "starting overs" in my world and in my lifetime, and most of them came with little to no enthusiasm because deep inside I knew that the forgoing changes were something that I HAD to do, not something that I particularly wanted to do.
A fact of life states that nothing worth having in life comes easy, and I knew what kind of will power it was going to take to now change the lifestyle that it had taken me so long to become accustomed to already. After all it took a long time of no will power to get this way and getting better was going to take even longer.
I believe that the enthusiasm to which you refer, comes from a culmination of ideas of the outcome (or the perceived outcome), of any given circumstance or situation once we are there; looking at the end result up front, but this outcome is generally about as frail as that self perceived idea when you think about the time allotted and all of the unknown variables that will be involved with or effect this change and add to it the many times that we have tried already, only to fail.
However, to me, the word or idea of failure is a relative term and because we are good people and others need us, we continue to strive for perfection, making us not failures but survivors and over comers. Which leads to the question, who else in today’s society could be more inept at teaching our children than survivors and over-comers?
No one else can bring to our children, our families or our communities, what you and I can, WHATEVER that is. Without us, the world would be missing that little something that makes it a happier and a better place for everyone. We work to keep the world filled with "good people" to counteract all of the bad things that humans can justify doing to each other and themselves. By constantly working to better ourselves as teachers, as societal members and as overweight people, we set the example for others even when (or especially when) we loose the enthusiasm and continue on non-the-less.
I often run into men and women today that call out in the grocery store or the department store or the local eatery, "HEY COACH!" and I turn to see someone who tells me about the impact that I have had on their lives as they introduce me to their child or children.
Life isn't about being perfect; it's about being the best YOU that you can be because there is no other person like you or who can touch all of the lives that you do. So you keep starting over for as long as it takes to get it right, and know that no one deserves it more, as will I. And until then, may God bless you and good luck.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
I read a mother's blog today...Today I read (and commented on) a blog post by a person (female) whom spoke of how hard it is for a "single woman" to raise a child, go to work, take care of problems at home and take care of herself all at the same time. In this blog she reitterated what it is like to juggle the things that life hurls at you many times and how women should be proud. I find it interesting because we constantly hear how hard it is to find a "Good Man". I happen to be a single man who has done the same thing for eight years now, since my two children (boy and girl) were ages four and eight respective. Their mother walked out on us in the Fall of 2002 and devastated our hearts and or lives. So alone, I too did these things and also managed (by the grace of God) to continue an education. (I will be going back to college this Fall to finish my degree after five years!). I would just like to say that I applaud ANYONE (male or female) who manages to pull this task off because it has a lot more to do with selflessness than selfishness and pretty much all you get in return is the honor of watching and guiding and teaching and coaxing and playing with and disciplining and loving, the most beautiful people that God has ever put into your life as they bloom, blossom and grow into what you have always imagined you could raise if He ever gave you the chance............For a minute........ just before they leave you! ............I thank you God for the beauty and the wonder that you trusted me with, to raise and stand responsible for. And, more than anything in this world, I love you my babies. Dad.
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