Saturday, November 20, 2010
I find myself thinking that a lot these days. I get winded SO easily, and I am only 24... It shouldn't be like this. There are two sets of stairs in my house... a set leading up to the bathrooms/bedrooms and a set leading down to the garage. So while doing chores like cleaning, I am going up stairs to round up the laundry... down those stairs, then down the other stairs to start the laundry (back and forth up and down the stairs to put in dryer and later take them out of the dryer...) up and down the stairs to take out trash, bring home groceries etc etc. BUT THEY ARE JUST STAIRS! It's not climbing Mount Everest or anything! I am pretty sure my 67 year old grandma could out run me at this point.
When I bring home a ton of groceries and find myself about ready to pass out, I say to myself damn, I need a husband so he could help me with this, that'd make it easier. But eff that lol, all I need is to lose 100 pounds, and I wouldn't need anyones help;). I have said countless times how sick I am of being fat, so I'm not even going to go there this time...But I AM so sad I have let so many years slip by...
I am so overwhelmed at the idea of trying to lose at the VERY LEAST 80 pounds (in reality much more)... so the only focus I'm going to have right now so I don't freak myself out is to lose 20 pounds by Feb 1st. So here goes nothing!
Friday, November 12, 2010
1200 calories is the lowest end of my calorie range here on spark, and I also totally believe when they say no one should ever be going under 1200 calories. I am perfectly content eating 1200, but my question is, do you think that'll hurt me in the long run? Obviously, I will have no where to go in terms of lowering my calories if I hit a plateu and whatnot, but I will always have the option to amp up the exercise.
Any advice? Especially from sparkers who have already lost considerable amounts of weight, is your personal experience it's better to start on the higher end of the range and go down as time goes on? Or will I be fine just consistently eating that amount, and upping exercise when neccessary?
Saturday, October 16, 2010
So as I sit here at a weight of about 260, I could not be more disappointed in myself. Last year around this time I started doing what I needed to, and lost about 22 pounds. I hit a plateu, and hovered around the weight of 250 for a long time. Then what happened? No excuses, I got lazy. It was "work" to plan and cook my own meals. It was work to exercise when I get home from my 12 hour shift, but there is no excuse. Everyone here deals with these things, and despite obsticles, they are doing what they need to do.
I think I am most disappointed, because knowing that last year at this time I was taking this so seriously and doing pretty good... and if I had KEPT WITH IT, who knows where I'd be right now. That is so frustrating to realize I have let another year pass me by.
I tried to look at the bright side, and to be honest, there isn't REALLY one. But the ONLY thing I could think of... is this time last year I was at my all time high of 272. If I had never done *anything* or lost *any* amount of weight, I could very realistically be about 300 pounds right now. So I am trying to look at that. I am 12 pounds lighter then I was this time last year. To me, that is not an *accomplishment* of any sort, BUT if the alternative is weighing 12 pounds more, I will take it.
I just honestly wonder what is wrong with me. When there is something in my life that I want, I work to get it. I worked/saved up to buy the house I wanted, I worked really hard to train and get the job I wanted. I just have always worked towards things I've wanted, and I want to lose this weight MORE than anything. So why don't I do it? I just can't understand why I am so LAZY. Cause that is all it is, laziness.
I guess in a way, it's easier for me to be fat. It's easy for me to not exercise, it's easy for me to get fast food then prepare something healthy. But then I am starting to realize: It's NOT easy for me to: Find close that fit me. Walk up a flight of stairs. Bring the groceries inside without feeling like I've run a marathon. To feel good about myself because of my weight. To date/meet new people. All of those things are hard for me.
This site has given me ALL the tools I need. I don't know how many times I've said I'm gonna start again, I'm gonna get back to it, and I just don't. So I am disappointed in myself, but my pitty party has to end sometime and I will need to start moving in a positive direction.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
I have only been having them recently, and they are strange LOL. I have had 3 of them. In each one I am thin (or more like medium) and I am so shocked by what I see... but then I still feel fat. I am sure that is because my mind knows that I am NOT at that weight and probably what causes the conflicting feelings in these dreams.
But these dreams do make me realize that I really really want to lose this weight, and I thought I looked pretty good medium LOL ;)
Have any of you ever had dreams like that?
Monday, August 16, 2010
I have spiraled so far out of control, I just feel helpless. So I'm just breaking it down. Step 1 is going to be stop eating fast food (I've been on a fast food kick for almost 2 weeks now, ridiculousness)... or at least cut WAAAAAYYYY back. Step 2 is to get moving. Step 3 will be to actually start tracking everything I am eating and staying within range. It doesn't sound so scary when I break it down I suppose lol.
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