Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Haven't been around in a while... and you know that is usually not good. I am lucky that I ahven't really started putting back on the weight (not yet at least). I started at 272, and got down to 250 and have hovered there for a very long time. But I am fully aware that if I go back into my hold habits, I will be 300 pounds in no time, and that terrifies me. I promised myself when I hit 200 that I wouldn't let it get any more "out of control". Obviously that didn't happen. When I finally hit 272 I realized 'holy crap... I am just about to 300'. So that scared me into doing something about it.
I know I have had a hell of a time getting under 250 and that has discouraged me, the closest I got was like 249.something. But I am sitting here thinking 250 is still 1/2 way to 300. So why did 272 terrify me and 250 doesn't? The onyl thing I can think of is I was 250 for a loooooong while before I got up to 272... and I have been 250 for several months now. I think I just got so used to seeing that number it has lost it's significance. Just like I was 205 for honestly, a year or two (hard to keep track now)... and I got so used to that number I just accepted it.
I will never know why I do this to myself, and I have been sooooo against surgery. Dont' take that the wrong way, I totally support and know people who have done it, and it is an amazing life changing thing. It is also very difficult. But in my fit of frustration I even started to think about it the other day. I want so much to do this on my *own* and the "right" way, but I am beginning to doubt myself.
Friday, June 25, 2010
So I have a super dooper-ly awesome spark friend, she rocks. She's lost 50 pounds and she always listens to me and my nonsense. I am very thankful for her, without her I probably wouldn't even be logging into the site at this point.
I keep saying, "I'm not throwing in the towel"... but the REALITY is that I have already thrown the towel judging by my actions. I was just eating whatever I wanted, and not doing anything. Honestly, I've been in a huge funk lately, and to be honest, I haven't cared about anything. I mean yes, I get up and go to work... but that's pretty much it.
My spark buddy told me to think about what I did before when I was losing weight, and maybe I should work on getting back to that. Well it seems like forever ago that I have actually seen the scale go down. I looked at the cute spark people chart, and it was like nov-jan where I was consistently losing weight. So I had to go back and see what it was that was working for me.
It's pretty simple really. I was exercising about 30 minutes a few times a week... and eating about 1200 calories. (1200 is the lower end of my calorie range). I would put together all my food for the day, and add up the calories. I would make sure it was within range, and once that food was gone for the day I stopped eating. The things I was eating probably aren't the best, but it worked for me. I was eating things like lean cuisines, lean pockets, granola bars, yogurt, 100 calorie packs etc etc.
I will be the first to admit that I am lazy LOL! I work 12 hour shifts, I have to leave at least an hour and a half before work, it takes me 40 minutes to get home, and I work night shift. So by the time I get home it's almost 6am and I just want to sleep. I would force myself to exercise when I came home, even if it was just 20 minutes. I really want to get to where I can get up early before work and exercise, but I have yet to accomplish this. But I wonder why I didn't just stick with it?
I take full responsibility, I am the only one who controls me. But I was getting a lot of garbage at work about lean cuisines, and how that isn't going to help, the sodium content etc etc. Everybody threw in their two cents, and I tried all sorts of stupid stuff. I even tried the "cook your meals for the week" thing, but I'd do it for a week, then it'd become a hassle and I'd stop.
So my spark buddy has made me want to give this another go... and just go back to the basics. If it worked for me before, it should work for me again. :)
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Before, I would only be uncomfortable in certain situations. Like I am always uncomfortable when I'm out (pretty much) because of the looks I get. Grocery store, out to eat, the mall, anywhere pretty much ha ha! But I've noticed that now that my weight is even higher then I'm *used to*, I am honestly uncomfortable all the time.
Even as I sit here. My *two stomachs* are in the way and I just hate it. When I roll over in bed in the middle of the night, it seems like such a production. Going up and down the few stairs in my house feels like a marathon. I am only 24, it shouldn't be like this.
I just can't believe I let it get this far. It's such a strange feeling to be at home, where I am supposed to feel good and safe and all of that, yet I still feel so uncomfortable. The two stomachs need to go. I want to lose enough weight that rolling over in bed is no longer an olympic event ;)
Saturday, June 05, 2010
My dad is always giving me all this "weight loss" stuff to read. In all honesty, the stuff he typically gives me is mainly the same thing we have learned from Spark People. They are never about crazy fad diets or anything like that. But there was one thing I found interesting in this little book he gave me, and wondered if anyone else had heard of it.
It is called "A Physicians Slimming Guide", and honestly, I am just in the beginning but nothing new and exciting. Says what we all know, diets don't work, it has to be a lifestyle change, you need to eat out of the food groups, etc etc.. now for the part that I thought was interesting.
It says that you should eat 10 calories for each pound of your *IDEAL* weight. So for example, my goal weight is 150, so I should eat 1500 calories a day. I thought it was very interesting that it doesn't really take into consideration what you weigh now. It also talks a lot about messing with your metabolism and starvation mode and that if you just dial in to the amount you need for your "ideal body", you can avoid those things.
I do like how on Spark People we put in our weight, we put in if we want to gain or lose, and that is how we get our calorie range. But has anyone heard of this "10 calories for each pound of your ideal weight"... and what are your thoughts on it? I don't know what to make of it, but I did at the very least think it was interesting.
Thursday, June 03, 2010
I think it is at least a *little bit* ironic. So I am the first to say "I've ONLY lost 24 pounds." At this exact moment, it's more like 21 unfortunately... but I started this weight loss journey at my all time highest weight of 272. I got down to 248 and honestly couldn't really tell a difference. My work uniforms were no longer so tight that I could barely breathe LOL, but that was pretty much it.
So I've been totally slacking, no exercise, and not eating like I should. It's like I eat really healthy for 3 days, and then it goes to crap for 2-3 days. The thing I lack most is consistency. So the other day on the scale I was 252... and let me tell you... my work pants got tighter, and I just started to feel uncomfortable.
I find it so ironic that losing 24 pounds felt like pretty much nothing to me, yet gaining back just a few made all the difference in the world! It is definitely a good thing and an eye opener. It's a reminder that I don't want to go back to where I was... and it shows that even if it was "only" 24 pounds, it definitely helped and made me more comfortable in my own body.
Enough talk, I need to put up or shut up lol. I don't want to continue to live like this. I'm done-sies.
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