Thursday, October 03, 2013
My super awesome Spark Friend (Tammy/Mamachambs) and leader of my BLC team the Sassy Shamrock Sheriff's has a motto, "just for today". When we think about all the weight we have to lose, or how we have to keep this up as a lifestyle (aka FOREVER) it can be so overwhelming and make it hard for us to get the job done on a daily basis.
But what she has taught me is that I have to do it "just for today". That's all I have to think about. I don't have to worry about tomorrow or next week, I just have to worry about today. Then when tomorrow comes, I will do it again, just for today. This week I am going to get back to basics, get my eating back under control, and remember that no matter how hard it is, it's okay, because it's "just for today!" Thank you so much Tammy for this motto that I am going to be focusing on this week!
Tuesday, October 01, 2013
If I chose to look at JUST weight for the month of September it is a total fail!
Here are my weigh in's :
As you can see it was quite the roller coaster. I was on track to bust into the 180's when the Binge Monster started to attack and I couldn't win. My weigh in for tomorrow looks to be around the same as last week. I started off the week strong and fizzled out towards the end. So I can mark September off as a total fail, or I can try to find some of the good moments.
#1: I reached out for help regarding the Binge Monster on Spark, and stayed accountable to all of my Spark Friends. In years past, I would have hid the fact that I needed help, and I would have run away from Spark and any form of accountability.
#2: Despite an arthritis flare up, I continued with my walking. In the past that would have been a huge excuse to take up residence on the couch. I believe my flare up is less painful because I am keeping it moving.
#3: I learned that life doesn't always go according to plan. I was on point doing my exercise plan and was well on my way to 2000 fitness minutes. The flare up threw me for a loop and I am learning that you have to have a back up plan. I am also learning that when something happens where you can't be as active as you like, it is that much more important to focus on your food. Had I put more energy into adjusting my food and fighting the Binge Monster, I would probably be in the 180's by now. But I am learning.
#4: I am working on a new plan for my way of eating. I am going to work on getting in more whole foods and stop relying so much on processed foods. I am also going to work on getting rid of the "refined carbs" again. I did it years ago and I felt a lot better physically, but I slowly got away from it with some of the convenience foods I eat. Getting back to that should be a huge help and I know my body will love me for getting in more freggies.
#5: I had some huge NSV's, from the doctor's appointment, to Universal! I had outstanding blood work, I am healthy and I am fitting into smaller clothes! Not too shabby!
So instead of looking at September as a total fail, I am going to look at it as a learning experience. I learned so much from myself and fellow Sparkers, and I am going to hang on to that knowledge going into October. Here is to making October an amazing month!
Saturday, September 28, 2013
For starters I love love love Halloween and horror movies... always have. I had always talked about going to one of those Hollywood Horror Night events at Universal Studios, and I did actually go last year for the first time ever! I was around 220ish, and I got through everything alright, a little tired and very sore when I got home, but I did it!
This year though I was an additional 30 pounds down from last year (80 total), and I had a blast. According to my fitbit we walked just over 6 miles and I feel great. Not only that but I was amazed at how fast I could actually walk. I even left my uncle in the dust a couple of times and had to slow down. I am home now, and other than my knee that has been bothering me a little for a week (arthritis flare up), I feel great! I might be sore tomorrow, time will tell.
On top of that, I said a phrase like 10 times that night that I would NEVER say last year. "Take my picture in front of ____". Any time I saw a photo opportunity I took it. My brother didn't even get the strict orders to take the pictures "from the chest up" (you ladies know what I'm talking about! ). I didn't care, I am me, and I worked hard to get where I am. And if my stomachs happen to take up half of the picture then so be it!
It was just the ultimate NSV and this is what it is about! I am the girl that could not walk the dog around the block 1 mile, I couldn't do it. I would walk up 7 stairs to my bedroom and be SO winded that I'd have to stop and rest. I am the girl that never wanted you to take my picture ever, and on the off chance I let you I only cringed at the results and would be down about it for days thinking "do I really look like that?" But those days are gone. I may not be done on this journey and I may still have a good chunk of weight to lose, but I am proud of what I have accomplished! I have come a long way and the ultimate reward is being able to live life, however I want, with NOTHING to hold me back. Gone are the days of "I really would like to go, but there is too much walking involved". I never ONCE stopped to look around to see if anyone was giving me looks (for being overweight) or talking crap about me. I used to hear people laugh around me and automatically wonder if it was a joke about my weight. I know that sounds super paranoid and it probably was, but when you actually overhear people commenting on your weight, it makes you paranoid! I just couldn't have been more happy to feel like a regular, plain ol, normal person that BLENDED in with everyone else. I wish I could bottle up this feeling and use it up when I'm not feeling so hot, because it's awesome!
If you are having a hard time or have a long way to go and have trouble staying motivated, PLEASE remember it is SO worth it. These are our lives, we only get one and we deserve to get out and live them however we chose!
Without further ado, here are some of the pictures taken tonight... you may not care but just the fact that I have pictures to show are a huge NSV!
^My uncle said "you guys don't smile!" So this is the result...
^ So fluffy!
^Biggest disappointment of the night, Chucky posed for me but that monster cut him off LOL.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
I know there is not one person here on Spark who doesn't already know that this losing weight stuff is hard. There are times of 's and 's where things are easy and breezy and nothing can get in your way. Then there are the times where nothing goes right, you eat everything, and you are your own worst enemy.
I have been like a rubber ball bouncing all over the place lately! One day I'm super excited about my doctor's appointment, the next day I'm asking for advice on how to hold my ground against the Binge Monster. I couldn't be on two more opposite ends of the spectrum from day to day if I tried. Today what I realized is the only person standing in the way of me getting what I want (getting to my goal weight) is ME. I am sure some of you can relate to this... there is NO worse feeling than knowing that you are self sabotaging and making things harder on yourself.
In the past my Self Saboteur would come in after I would lose about 40 pounds, and beat me down emotionally until I said "You are right, I CAN'T do this, I will ALWAYS be fat" and I would go back to my old ways and gain all the weight back. This happened 3 times in life. This time I got all the way to the 50 pounds lost mark before she tried to beat me to a pulp. But this time I knew her game, I knew how she worked and I fought her tooth and nail until I won. She is so sneaky that she left me alone for a while... but she's back, and she's not pleased!
Here I sit, what should be 80 pounds lost but is probably 78 because I've gained 2ish pounds recently , and she is back with a vengeance. I feel like I am fighting myself on a daily basis the last 9 or so days;. She has teamed up with the Binge Monster and they are the dynamic duo! I am eating too much, too many calories, my tummy is not happy with me and yet I have done it probably 5 of the last 9 days. Why now? Why 18 months into my journey is she fighting me again? I really believe she is scared, she is scared of what happens when I get to my goal weight. People around me are already starting to change and I have even lost friends that can't handle the "new, smaller, awesome-er me". What other changes are in store? It is scary, change is scary, but it is something that I want so badly and I can't give up on it.
This time has to be different, I can not, and will not gain back those 80 pounds. In fact I will do just the opposite and head towards 100 pounds lost instead. That will show my Self Saboteur who is boss! To do this I need to incorporate the tips from my fellow Spark Friends on how to deal with the Binge Monster, and I have to truly TRY to fight him. Telling him no and immediately giving in is not a true fight! So the gloves are on (or is it the gloves are off? I'm not a scrapper LOL) and I mean business. Self Saboteur is going down as well! You aren't going to bully me back into my old habits so I can gain the weight back and you can have the last laugh. It's not happening. I am going to work on forgiving myself for the mistakes I have made, and I am going to learn from them and even though I'm not perfect and will have many bumps in the road, I will continue to dust myself off and . I am going to take the energy that I have been putting into fighting myself, and start fighting the fat instead! I'm going to take it one day and more importantly one moment at a time, and I refuse to give up. So if Self Saboteur and the Binge Monster happen to be eavesdropping, IT'S ON SUCKERS!
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