Monday, August 26, 2013
As BLC comes to a close, I am conflicted about how I feel. I have done great for the majority of the 12 weeks, but this last week has been a struggle and I may very well have to post my first gain on the final weigh in. To go 11 weeks without gaining only to mess it up in the last week really messes with me. I'm trying not to dwell on it because BLC doesn't change things, this is still LIFE and we all have our ups and downs. It happens to everyone and I have to keep my head up and just keep on pushing. My team has opted not to take 4 weeks "off" between rounds because this is a lifestyle change and we have to keep pushing towards our goal weights 24/7. I also have not been able to redo my fit test which has me bummed, but between the kittens and walking Sparky and other shenanigans it just wasn't my first priority unfortunately. :(
So let's focus on the positives...
I've lost 16ish pounds. I can't say for sure because right now I am 196 but hoping to get back to at least 195.something by weigh in. Eek.
I've lost over 20 inches from all over my body!
I've had a ton of fitness minutes over the 12 weeks!
I've struggled but I've never given up!
My flexibility has also increased!
I can actually see differences in those photos which is always nice, my face has changed so much and my legs get smaller while my stomach just hangs there... but that's part of the process I guess lol. Next round I will wear the same clothes to get a more accurate comparison. :) Live and learn lol.
I really need to get my head in the game and get focused, I received my Hip Hop Abs and I am looking forward to getting more exercise other than walking into my routine. Someone pointed out that nutrition is more important when trying to get abs, so just for the record I am not looking to get abs, I am looking for a fun way to burn some extra calories. ;) I will never be small enough to SEE abs and that is not one of my goals, not even by a long shot.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Does anyone have any experience with feral cats? I think I got myself in over my head, and I am regretting it big time. I have my mom's help, but this just ugh...
Basically I've worked at my job over 5 years, there were 2 cats. A couple ladies there feed them. Over the years the momma cat has had litter after litter, and all the kittens would always end up dying. I should have done something about it then, but no one seemed to care so I ignored it. Well finally she had a litter of 3 cats survive. Which meant 5 full grown cats. 2 wandered off but 1 recently returned. Then both the momma cat and one of her full grown babies had a litter. One litter completely died, one had 3 survivors and are now 4 months old (give or take).
So of course everyone is complaining because there are 7 freakin cats, it's ridiculous. No one wanted to do anything about it so my mom and I are getting them fixed. The goal was to take home the 3 kittens, but we only caught 2. We have 2 adults fixed, still need to fix 2 adults, and the last kitten might end up just getting fixed and released. There is a Sgt there that wants to have the cats euthanized but I am not taking them to their deaths. I just fixed them, and released them. That has been their home and they are also doing their part to keep away any other cats. Apparently YEARS ago the same thing happened, and they had the cats taken away and these new ones moved in not long after.
I am just so frustrated because everything says after 4 months old you shouldn't try to tame them. I know I have to be patient, I know it takes time and it's only been 2 days. I read that you should have a spoon attached to something long, like chop sticks and try to get them to eat off the spoon through the crate and they refuse to even do that right now. Then on top of it, we gave them flea meds as soon as we got them but of course there are still fleas EVERYWHERE in that bedroom and it is the room with my guinea pigs. My mom is coming over in the afternoon and this is all just a mess. I vacuumed up a bunch of fleas but they are everywhere, and I don't want my guinea pigs getting eaten alive because I brought these stinkin kittens in.
I'm gonna watch some youtube videos on taming feral kittens and doing more research tomorrow, just curious if anyone had any experience with that? I guess I'm just looking for someone to say I did it and it was worth it, it just took time. My worry is that we do this for weeks and they don't get any better, and no one would adopt nasty cats, and I don't blame them. I am not even a cat person, isn't that funny? I guess I am just venting because I am just freaking out, especially over the fleas/guinea pig situation.
Sometimes I wonder why I do stupid crap like this, but I didn't want those cats to have 829038290 more cats and I know I've done the right thing, I love animals, I just wish the right thing didn't have to be so stressful!
Anyways, this is Lilo & Stitch *SIGHS*
I just wanted to say as a disclaimer, I am not freaking out because they haven't made progress in 2 days, I am prepared for this to take weeks, I think I'm just overwhelmed because I have 0 experience with this, plus the fleas/guinea pig thing is bothering me so much.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
(^This is the Onederland sign I had in my Onederland pic. It hangs on my wall above my scale so I can look at it everyday to remind me that I worked to get here and have to work to stay here.)
As I said in my status yesterday, I was chatting with my BFF Susan, and we talked about how I had a couple rough days and what not, and being the sweetie she is "At least you are staying in Onederland, so that's the best part!" I told her I am finally realizing that there are no season passes to Onederland! It isn't buy a day get a year free! I wish that was the case, and there were a few times my mind started slipping and thinking I didn't have to work as hard.
When I first got to Onederland last month, it was so much fun, I couldn't believe I did it! I just squeaked on in at 199.6 and was worried that I might see 200 in some of my weighing adventures (because sometimes I get on more than once a week). But I was very lucky that I have not stepped a foot outside of Onederland since I first arrived. That is fine and dandy but it also gave me a little bit of complacency. When I first hit it I had 2 kind of "whatever days" and I recently had 2 more "whatever days", but I have to remember that I still need to DO WORK.
My mind plays tricks on me sometimes, it's like it tells me that "I've got this" and lulls me into this false sense of security where I feel like I don't have to work as hard. What drives me crazy about this is, when I started my journey this time, I was committed for life. This was the first time that I realized that you don't "diet UNTIL you get to your goal weight, then eat whatever you want." I realized I had to make permanent changes, that I could stick with forever. I knew that maintaining my weight would take the same (if not more) effort that I was using to lose weight, and I was fine with this. The kicker of course is that I am not even at maintenance. I honestly don't know when maintenance will be... I'm confident I will know it when I see it. I will wake up one day and FEEL that I am at a good weight for myself and that will be when I maintain. But even when that glorious day comes, I still need to DO WORK. My girl Susan is always good at reminding me I have to do the work. I can't let the little gremlins in my mind tell me it's okay to slack off because I've worked so hard for so long.
I am ready to kick this up a notch, I am ready to get the rest of this weight off, no matter how much weight that might be. I ordered Hip Hop Abs and I'm super excited to start that... it looks like a lot of fun and it's definitely my kind of exercise. I don't know if I have shared this publicly in a blog, but after getting to my mystical goal weight, and maintaining for a bit, I am going to have a tummy tuck. I already have the money saved up and it is a choice I have made based on my body, and the amount of hanging skin I seem to have. The "apron" as you will just continues to get worse and worse as I lose the weight. A lot of people say "you'll be fine, it'll go back up", but I can honestly say that seems very unlikely at this point. I was overweight my entire life, the skin is stretched to the point of no return in a lot of places. If I can get to goal and my body magically takes care of itself then yay, but I am prepared financially and emotionally for the inevitable and being privileged enough to have that as an option has taken a huge load off my mind. I don't know that I would be able to push forward as hard with this weight loss if I didn't have that option, because my stomach getting worse and worse would probably start to discourage me. So I'm ready emotionally and financially for that, but I'm not at my goal and so that is my focus to get the rest of this weight off once and for all.
Friday, August 16, 2013
It's your body telling you what you need! If you truly listen, your body will tell you when it's hungry and when it's full! That may be common knowledge to you, and if it is, ! But I will tell you I did not get up to 272 by listening to my body. I used to be like Monica Gellar from Friends, I thought I was always hungry!
If you've never seen "Friends", well shame on you! ;) Her mom comes to her on Thanksgiving and asks her to finish off the pies because there is no room left in the fridge. She goes to take them instinctively, but then says "No thank you!" and pushes them away. The dad then says "Judy, you did it, she's FINALLY full!" I can absolutely relate to that statement.
I used to think that full was that super uncomfortable, overly stuffed feeling, where you just want to undo the button on your pants for some relief. On the flip side of that, I thought hunger was when that super uncomfortable feeling went away, and you returned to normal and were no longer feeling bloated... that must mean it's time to eat until you are overly stuffed again, right? Oh how wrong that was. I think the first time I truly figured out what hunger was is when I did a fast for 24 hours. It was a huge eye opener of what the real hunger signals were, and also the realization that I wasn't going to drop dead if I didn't get food in that exact minute. I later learned that slowing down and really listening to your body can cut out soooooooooooo many unnecessary calories, and that bloated feeling became a thing of the past.
I no longer go by "dinner time", "snack time" etc. I stop and listen to my body. I know not everyone has that luxury, and at work I abide a little closer to those things... but when I am off I am free as a bird and I can eat dinner when my body tells me it's time. I also learned that just because I planned out my dinner and it'sin my range, doesn't mean I have to eat it ALL. *DOH* So simple, but before I would have just ate it because I was in range and I could have it.
I've learned that when I am hungry, I want food, I don't care what that food is, I just need something because my body is asking for it. When I want something specific, and my mind is saying go get some ice cream, chips, or something else specific, it just wants to eat. To that I respond "You want to eat just for the sake of eating, you can eat again tomorrow (or later when you're hungry), but now is not the time." Then I move on with my day.
I am big on tracking my food, I am big on portioning out stuff, but I am learning that if you just stop and listen to your body, it'll let you know when and how much to eat. So if you are stressing over calorie ranges, the new tracker vs. the old tracker... maybe try getting in tune with your body and see if that helps you at all.
Warning: I am 17 months into this journey, and it is only in the last 5 or so months that I've been learning to listen to my body. If you had told me to listen to my body 17 months ago, I would have probably still eaten 3,000 calories looking for that "overly full feeling." This is something you learn in time, and if you aren't quite there yet, you can be... you just have to work at it!
Monday, August 12, 2013
Let's start with The and just get it out of the way!
Yesterday, I ended up eating 2,000 calories on a 1200 calorie day. *GASPS* I am really not amused by this. I have been doing my calorie cycling in a 1400 calorie average, and doing great for weeks. The 1200 calorie days didn't bother me because I was at work and most of the time fully satisfied with what I was eating. Yesterday that was not the case. I had eaten my dinner, 1200 calories for the day, and I was still starving! The Krispy Kreme box had been taunting me all day, and in that moment of extreme hunger and weakness I ate a creme filled glaze. It was delicious, but the worst part is I inhaled it so quickly I didn't even enjoy it. On top of that it didn't do anything to help the hunger I was feeling, and I ended up eating some more food I had brought with me and ended up at my whopping 2,000 calories.
The Bad: Obviously the was part of the bad, the 2,000 calories was part of the bad. The stomach ache I had this morning was definitely part of the bad! Can I just say, that I used to eat 3,000+ calories on a regular day before I had this change in lifestyle, so the fact that my stomach is upset by 2,000 calories which contained one donut and all regular food I eat on a daily basis was quite a shocker. But maybe it was my bodies way of reminding me why I don't live that way anymore.
The Good: Part of the good was learning from my mistake, for accepting that I ate out of impulse and while I was truly hungry, the donut did nothing for me in terms of giving me the fuel my body was asking for. It also allowed me to reevaluate my calorie goals and I am trying for a 1500 calorie range. I am doing a lot better today and feeling more in control and not hungry like I was before. Maybe just a little bit of extra calories is what my body was asking for.
And the Super Good, is that I bought a new shirt and wore it to work for free dress. I got 3 people telling me how good I looked and that they thought my shirt was cute!
I haven't bought any new clothes in over a year with the exception of a pair of jeans here or there because I'm losing this weight and well, fat girl clothes are expensive. I recently bought this shirt and a couple of others and I'm glad I did. It makes me feel pretty and smaller to actually wear clothes that fit. Other than that I've been living in regular t shirts because even if those get a little big, you can still wear them. The compliments were great, but the way I felt was great and it came at the perfect time. It really reminded me of what was important and that one bad day can't derail me as long as I learn from it and move forward.
We all have good and bad days, none of us are perfect but it's what we do with the bad days and whether or not we learn from it and do our best to change it that counts.
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