Tuesday, August 20, 2013
(^This is the Onederland sign I had in my Onederland pic. It hangs on my wall above my scale so I can look at it everyday to remind me that I worked to get here and have to work to stay here.)
As I said in my status yesterday, I was chatting with my BFF Susan, and we talked about how I had a couple rough days and what not, and being the sweetie she is "At least you are staying in Onederland, so that's the best part!" I told her I am finally realizing that there are no season passes to Onederland! It isn't buy a day get a year free! I wish that was the case, and there were a few times my mind started slipping and thinking I didn't have to work as hard.
When I first got to Onederland last month, it was so much fun, I couldn't believe I did it! I just squeaked on in at 199.6 and was worried that I might see 200 in some of my weighing adventures (because sometimes I get on more than once a week). But I was very lucky that I have not stepped a foot outside of Onederland since I first arrived. That is fine and dandy but it also gave me a little bit of complacency. When I first hit it I had 2 kind of "whatever days" and I recently had 2 more "whatever days", but I have to remember that I still need to DO WORK.
My mind plays tricks on me sometimes, it's like it tells me that "I've got this" and lulls me into this false sense of security where I feel like I don't have to work as hard. What drives me crazy about this is, when I started my journey this time, I was committed for life. This was the first time that I realized that you don't "diet UNTIL you get to your goal weight, then eat whatever you want." I realized I had to make permanent changes, that I could stick with forever. I knew that maintaining my weight would take the same (if not more) effort that I was using to lose weight, and I was fine with this. The kicker of course is that I am not even at maintenance. I honestly don't know when maintenance will be... I'm confident I will know it when I see it. I will wake up one day and FEEL that I am at a good weight for myself and that will be when I maintain. But even when that glorious day comes, I still need to DO WORK. My girl Susan is always good at reminding me I have to do the work. I can't let the little gremlins in my mind tell me it's okay to slack off because I've worked so hard for so long.
I am ready to kick this up a notch, I am ready to get the rest of this weight off, no matter how much weight that might be. I ordered Hip Hop Abs and I'm super excited to start that... it looks like a lot of fun and it's definitely my kind of exercise. I don't know if I have shared this publicly in a blog, but after getting to my mystical goal weight, and maintaining for a bit, I am going to have a tummy tuck. I already have the money saved up and it is a choice I have made based on my body, and the amount of hanging skin I seem to have. The "apron" as you will just continues to get worse and worse as I lose the weight. A lot of people say "you'll be fine, it'll go back up", but I can honestly say that seems very unlikely at this point. I was overweight my entire life, the skin is stretched to the point of no return in a lot of places. If I can get to goal and my body magically takes care of itself then yay, but I am prepared financially and emotionally for the inevitable and being privileged enough to have that as an option has taken a huge load off my mind. I don't know that I would be able to push forward as hard with this weight loss if I didn't have that option, because my stomach getting worse and worse would probably start to discourage me. So I'm ready emotionally and financially for that, but I'm not at my goal and so that is my focus to get the rest of this weight off once and for all.
Friday, August 16, 2013
It's your body telling you what you need! If you truly listen, your body will tell you when it's hungry and when it's full! That may be common knowledge to you, and if it is, ! But I will tell you I did not get up to 272 by listening to my body. I used to be like Monica Gellar from Friends, I thought I was always hungry!
If you've never seen "Friends", well shame on you! ;) Her mom comes to her on Thanksgiving and asks her to finish off the pies because there is no room left in the fridge. She goes to take them instinctively, but then says "No thank you!" and pushes them away. The dad then says "Judy, you did it, she's FINALLY full!" I can absolutely relate to that statement.
I used to think that full was that super uncomfortable, overly stuffed feeling, where you just want to undo the button on your pants for some relief. On the flip side of that, I thought hunger was when that super uncomfortable feeling went away, and you returned to normal and were no longer feeling bloated... that must mean it's time to eat until you are overly stuffed again, right? Oh how wrong that was. I think the first time I truly figured out what hunger was is when I did a fast for 24 hours. It was a huge eye opener of what the real hunger signals were, and also the realization that I wasn't going to drop dead if I didn't get food in that exact minute. I later learned that slowing down and really listening to your body can cut out soooooooooooo many unnecessary calories, and that bloated feeling became a thing of the past.
I no longer go by "dinner time", "snack time" etc. I stop and listen to my body. I know not everyone has that luxury, and at work I abide a little closer to those things... but when I am off I am free as a bird and I can eat dinner when my body tells me it's time. I also learned that just because I planned out my dinner and it'sin my range, doesn't mean I have to eat it ALL. *DOH* So simple, but before I would have just ate it because I was in range and I could have it.
I've learned that when I am hungry, I want food, I don't care what that food is, I just need something because my body is asking for it. When I want something specific, and my mind is saying go get some ice cream, chips, or something else specific, it just wants to eat. To that I respond "You want to eat just for the sake of eating, you can eat again tomorrow (or later when you're hungry), but now is not the time." Then I move on with my day.
I am big on tracking my food, I am big on portioning out stuff, but I am learning that if you just stop and listen to your body, it'll let you know when and how much to eat. So if you are stressing over calorie ranges, the new tracker vs. the old tracker... maybe try getting in tune with your body and see if that helps you at all.
Warning: I am 17 months into this journey, and it is only in the last 5 or so months that I've been learning to listen to my body. If you had told me to listen to my body 17 months ago, I would have probably still eaten 3,000 calories looking for that "overly full feeling." This is something you learn in time, and if you aren't quite there yet, you can be... you just have to work at it!
Monday, August 12, 2013
Let's start with The and just get it out of the way!
Yesterday, I ended up eating 2,000 calories on a 1200 calorie day. *GASPS* I am really not amused by this. I have been doing my calorie cycling in a 1400 calorie average, and doing great for weeks. The 1200 calorie days didn't bother me because I was at work and most of the time fully satisfied with what I was eating. Yesterday that was not the case. I had eaten my dinner, 1200 calories for the day, and I was still starving! The Krispy Kreme box had been taunting me all day, and in that moment of extreme hunger and weakness I ate a creme filled glaze. It was delicious, but the worst part is I inhaled it so quickly I didn't even enjoy it. On top of that it didn't do anything to help the hunger I was feeling, and I ended up eating some more food I had brought with me and ended up at my whopping 2,000 calories.
The Bad: Obviously the was part of the bad, the 2,000 calories was part of the bad. The stomach ache I had this morning was definitely part of the bad! Can I just say, that I used to eat 3,000+ calories on a regular day before I had this change in lifestyle, so the fact that my stomach is upset by 2,000 calories which contained one donut and all regular food I eat on a daily basis was quite a shocker. But maybe it was my bodies way of reminding me why I don't live that way anymore.
The Good: Part of the good was learning from my mistake, for accepting that I ate out of impulse and while I was truly hungry, the donut did nothing for me in terms of giving me the fuel my body was asking for. It also allowed me to reevaluate my calorie goals and I am trying for a 1500 calorie range. I am doing a lot better today and feeling more in control and not hungry like I was before. Maybe just a little bit of extra calories is what my body was asking for.
And the Super Good, is that I bought a new shirt and wore it to work for free dress. I got 3 people telling me how good I looked and that they thought my shirt was cute!
I haven't bought any new clothes in over a year with the exception of a pair of jeans here or there because I'm losing this weight and well, fat girl clothes are expensive. I recently bought this shirt and a couple of others and I'm glad I did. It makes me feel pretty and smaller to actually wear clothes that fit. Other than that I've been living in regular t shirts because even if those get a little big, you can still wear them. The compliments were great, but the way I felt was great and it came at the perfect time. It really reminded me of what was important and that one bad day can't derail me as long as I learn from it and move forward.
We all have good and bad days, none of us are perfect but it's what we do with the bad days and whether or not we learn from it and do our best to change it that counts.
Friday, August 09, 2013
Huge moment today through the courtesy of my amazing Spark Friends! There is a huge shift in the types of comments I receive, and it is the most amazing feeling. I have been off and on Spark people since 2009... but as of March 2012 I have been here consistently and am down a total of 77 pounds. I am not sure when this shift happened exactly, but it was an amazing WTF?! moment.
When I was starting on this journey for the 2930283290 time, I got so much encouragement and support and it was amazing! It was full of comments telling me "You can do it", "keep up the good work", "you will get there, don't give up". I loved those comments and they were so helpful and encouraging. When I was down in the dumps, I would get comments to remind me of where I was going, why I was doing this and to keep on truckin', it was great!
Then today I realized my comments are different now. I get comments from some of you fabulous people saying that I am a motivation/inspiration and this blows my mind! Me?! A motivation? Really?! How?! I remember being on Spark People and seeing people that inspired and motivated me. Since I am a bigger girl, I really looked up to people who had lost 50+ pounds, because it was proof that no matter how far we have to go in this journey, it can be done! I never in a million years thought ANYONE would ever see me in the same light that I saw my own personal motivators on here, and it is an amazing feeling.
Those same people that motivate and inspire me today, and everyone on Spark is motivational and inspiring in their own way. Whether they are years into their journey and pounds down, or if they are finding the courage to get started on their journey, everyone has a Spark to bring to the table!
This may sound silly, but it really just blew my mind to be getting the nicest comments, and my brain is learning to process the fact that it's not a matter of "I CAN do this", it's that "I AM doing it". After years and years of losing and regaining weight and never truly being successful, this is a hard pill to swallow but with each passing day I am realizing "I am doing this", and you are doing this too... just be being here on Spark! With some consistency, and a little hard work, you will find that shift from people telling you "You can do it" and trying to encourage you, to congratulating you on your success! Success is really just a bunch of little victories all put together to create that amazing success we are all looking to achieve. Passing up a or taking that when you really don't want to is another step towards your goals! and many of you are already DOING IT!
I want to thank anyone who has ever been supportive and left me a comment, I am truly blessed to have amazing Spark Friends and to have a place like Spark to feel like I am not alone in this, and that people truly care about my success. Just as I truly care about all of you and want nothing more than to see you all reach your goals!
Thursday, August 08, 2013
Okay, so I might be super obnoxiously happy lately, but I can't help it! I have had tons of blogs in the past where I was feeling crappy, so it is nice to be on the up swing with no signs of slowing!
I lost 1.8 pounds this week, while on TOM, and I have managed to lose weight every single week for10 weeks! After being on a horrible plateau and gaining a losing the same 5-10 pounds for 6 months that is a great feeling!
My yearly physical is in September, and my Doctor wanted me to get my blood work done before the visit. Last year, my A1C was a 5.8 and depending on who you ask, it can be considered pre-diabetes. I found a lot of conflicting information on what exactly is considered pre-diabetes, but either way I knew it wanted to be lower. My Grandma and Uncle on my mom's side have it, as does my Dad. The craziest part is my Dad has always been a healthy weight and active, so I was extra concerned I'd have it with my weight issues.
It has been 9 months since that test and I am now at a 5.3! I'm so happy to see that. My fasting glucose was great, my cholesterol is great, and my "good cholesterol" is up to 72 which when I googled found out that over 60 was the best possible range.
Disclaimer: I know that just because I am currently healthy, it doesn't mean that I can't get diabetes in the future, especially with it running in my family. All I can do is continue to get healthier and do what I'm doing and hope for the best.
In other news, I will say that it has been a huge transition in terms of the way I think. It has been hard work from going from thinking "You can't do it, you will always be fat!" to thinking "I can do this, I can TRY my hardest and see what happens", all the way to "You are doing this, and you aren't turning back!"
This weight loss stuff is hard, and we all need to have that confidence in ourselves to KNOW that we can do this. But it seems that confidence gets built in time, and it comes from actually doing this and losing weight and seeing the progress. It almost seems like a vicious circle, but if we can take that first step and lose 5, 10, 20 pounds, we can build this momentum and get to the point where we are unstoppable! I just had to learn that I had to spend just as much time on the emotional/mental journey (if not more) as I did on the physical journey.
I am finally feeling confident in my abilities to lose this weight, to keep it off, to get healthier, and getting back confidence in myself that I was losing with each pound I was gaining. I actually am starting to feel smaller, and the way I'm carrying myself with more confidence is showing and people are starting to notice.
Fun tidbit of the day: When I came into work last night, a male coworker (who has lost weight himself through gastric bypass) turns to the girl next to him, who is my friend and skinny, and says "If she loses anymore weight, she's going to have to wear your clothes!" I just said "I wish", but it definitely made me feel good.
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