Friday, July 05, 2013
I have had Sparky since the end of January, and somehow I think if I had him a year ago, I'd be at goal right now. I am off 3-4 days a week and I walk him each day off. When I am at work on the weekends, his Memaw (my mom) or his boyfriend (my brother, technically his uncle but I just called him his boyfriend from the beginning so too late LOL... but Sparky loves him a lot) come over and take him for his walk. So he knows, without fail, that at some point the leash and harness are coming out and he is getting to go for his walk.
I live across the street from a park with a huge firework display. I was so worried how Sparky would react, but he did so good. We played and we had fun while the fireworks were going off, and then when it got to the finale he got a little nervous and we snuggled on the couch until it was over.
He did so good and I was so proud of him, because it was super loud! I had decided we weren't going for a walk, because even though we go at night, we'd have to wait til all the people cleared out and it just wasn't worth it to go that late. As I am sitting on the couch, 11:00 last night, he casually walks over to his leash, that is sitting on top of a box and he sniffs it. I swear it was like he was saying "the leash is still here, what's the problem?!"
That's all it took. Before I knew it I told him we would go for one, a short one, but that he deserved to go. So off we went, a short walk for us is now a mile, which funnily enough I used to struggle to finish. We went almost 2 miles and came back home and he was just so happy! I love my little Sparky, and it's just a huge perk that he will not let me be lazy. I can skimp on other forms of exercise, I can eat poorly, but he makes sure that no matter how well or horrible I am doing, that I at least get in our walks... and for the most part when that is happening, the other parts of the puzzle (eating, exercise etc.) all work together.
I am confident with Sparky around, I'll never be allowed to be lazy, and I'm okay with that!
Wednesday, July 03, 2013
One minute I have it all together, things are 's and 's, and then something happens that is outside of my control, and I go running towards food. This is a process and I am learning a lot about myself... but I am learning that when I am hurt, even after all this time, I turn to food to soothe myself. Knowing that is half the battle, and I fought it for over 24 hours before I gave in.
I use the term binge loosely, and it seems everyone has different definitions of what constitutes a binge. I have heard stories of binging that are nothing like what I do... but what I do I consider it a binge. It is a conscious thing for me and it always involves fast food. It isn't a fridge full of food or anything, but it is still a large amount of food, always high in calories. The one that happened just an hour ago consisted of Chili cheese fries, jalapeno poppers and chicken nuggets. Definitely too much food for one meal, and too many calories for the day. Add on top of that I had already eaten my calories for the day and was not hungry when I did this, and that just spells out disaster.
I have been feeling hurt over something personal, but turning to food was never the answer and I knew that... but low and behold I did it anyways. I know that I am not perfect by any means, and "stuff happens", but this isn't something that happens to everyone. People who don't struggle with their weight and even those that do don't find themselves at the drive thru ordering a large amount of food when they aren't hungry because they are upset. It isn't one of those things that "everyone does" and that makes me really look into why I do it.
Sitting here now, I am still upset over the original issue, the food was so greasy that my stomach hurts, and I am disappointed in myself. I knew this would happen, and I did it anyways. I have spent some time journaling and that has helped, but I need to help myself BEFORE I binge next time, not after the damage is done.
I am prepared to move forward, and not beat myself up for it. From my past experiences, I know that beating myself up will lead to even more binges, and that is the last thing I need to do. I need to work on getting stronger a day at a time. I tracked my dreaded sticker that indicates a day I eat over 3,000 calories, and I am making it my goal for that to be the ONLY cupcake sticker in July. In June I only had one cupcake sticker and that wasn't for a binge, it was because I went to the buffet in Vegas and I just assumed it was a cupcake sticker kind of day lol. I was doing so well, and I can't afford another week or two off track.
I honestly can't believe how much I let outside forces (i.e. boys ) have such an effect on me to the point where all I know to do is turn to food. I have come a long way, in that I never get a random feeling to binge or eat that way. It used to be a regular thing. It went from everyday that was my dinner, to a few times a month wanting to eat that way, and now it seems to just be an emotional response to something bad. I have at least gotten to a point where these encounters are few and far between, and if I continue to be accountable and continue to grow as a person, I can only hope they get even fewer and farther between.
This is just accountability for me... sometimes you guys tell me the nicest things that I'm such an inspiration or am doing so well and it is the sweetest thing... but I am also human and I fall and I like for people to see the good and the bad of things so that they know we all slip sometimes... we just have to remember to keep getting back up.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
As everyone knows, it's been flippin hot, especially in Vegas. It was 116 most days, which was fine because the only time spent outside was to get to and from the car. The bad news was that it NEVER cooled off. I was planning to walk Sparky at midnight even, but it was still 100 degrees! Sparky said, "it's too flipin hot, let's skip it!"
I am not making excuses, I could have done other exercises, but I can't lie to you... I enjoyed just relaxing! It was a relatively short trip, I got there Tuesday night and left Saturday night. I had the buffet on Wednesday as planned, but we also went out to dinner on Friday as well which wasn't planned. So my eating wasn't the best, but there was something so great about just having 3 days to relax and enjoy myself.
The biggest eye opener for me was that my "overeating" while on vacation was similar to how the 272-pound-Stephanie would eat on a normal day. My tummy actually hurt after the day at the buffet, and I didn't even stuff myself to the brim like I could have. It was a great eye opener just to see how different my life is now, and I have no desire to go back to my old ways!
^Sparky and Gammie were winners!
Instead of focusing on the fact I overate and didn't get to walk Sparky, let's focus on the good stuff.
I was on track for 6 weeks without a slip up prior to vacation. The old me would have said "you are going on vacation in a week, might as well wait to start your DIET when you come back from vacation." A week long vacation could easily turn into 2 months of me not pursuing my weight loss goals, not this time.
I am back on track the FIRST day of coming back. No easing back into this, because it isn't a diet, it's a lifestyle, and things that were okay for me on vacation are not okay now.
I am only up 2 pounds, and I know this will come right off! I spent a week in Vegas with my Gammie in the past and come back home up 7-9 pounds, so this is a huge victory for me.
My Gammie gave me a couple compliments, and they were so out of the blue that they meant that much more. One was "You don't realize how small you are getting!" And the other was about how I have a waist line. I have to admit, when you are still 200 pounds, you don't feel small. As far as I've come, I am still a big girl and sometimes I really have to remind myself that I am in a much better place... I do hope as I get closer to my goals that the little voice that stays "you are still big" eventually goes away. I'm working on it though. :)
All in all, I am happy about how I handled my vacation, and how I handled the days leading up to and after it. I have come a long way in accepting this is a lifestyle and I have learned to find balance between splurging and enjoying life, and getting healthier!
Sunday, June 16, 2013
I don't know about all of you, but my weight loss journey has not been one straight line of successes. I am almost at 15 months into this journey, and there have been many successes such as:
Losing 65 pounds!
Being able to walk 3 miles a day with my dog!
Having more energy and getting better sleep!
Making tons of awesome Spark Friends!
Not giving up in the face of the dreaded plateaus, 3 of them to be exact, and one of those I hit twice!
Still being here 15 months later (after coming and going over the years) and never giving up!
But it hasn't always been 's and 's. Some less-than-successful-moments include:
: Being on a terrible plateau and not losing ANY weight for almost 4 months.
: Getting frustrated and slacking off for 6 weeks which resulted in regaining 10 pounds.
: Feeling defeated because the scale wouldn't budge no matter what.
: Days where I have eaten everything in sight, upwards of 3000 calories.
: Days where I have not gotten off the couch.
The #1 question I get asked is how do you stay motivated? And the truth of the mater is that I am not ALWAYS motivated. It comes and it goes. It's all about the lifestyle, and forming healthy habits. For example I do the following AUTOMATICALLY without any thought:
Weigh and track all my food, ALWAYS.
Track my water.
Get in some form of exercise everyday (mainly walking for me, with Sparky or alone)
Log into Spark People every day.
I don't think about if I SHOULD track my food, or if I SHOULD exercise, I just do it. And if you do something long enough, you will get to the "sweet spot" where you are no longer thinking about what you should do, because you are just doing it. Keep your eye on the , and just remember it's all about this:
Time flies whether we realize it or not. That quote that "A year from now, you will wish you started today" is SO true and something to keep in mind. My 15 month journey has been about my consistent efforts not to give up. I was probably doing well 10 out of those 15 months, but in the end what you do MOST of the time is what wins.
Thursday, June 06, 2013
Can I just say how flippin excited I am for BLC? The reason I am so excited about this round specifically, is not only because I have an amazing team, but for the first time I am hitting my stride in between rounds. I have not been this excited and on point with food AND exercise since the beginning of my journey 14 months ago. This is my 3rd round of BLC, but the first round where I'm not using the round as a reason to get back on track, I'm already on track... and that track is running straight forward to Onederland!
My goal for this round is to make it my best yet, the first round I lost 14.4 pounds and I am looking to beat that. My goal is 16.6 pounds this round. That is a weird number but it will take me from 211.6 to 195, so let's rock this!
My Goals For BLC:
: Get in 300 fitness minutes per week (gotta get my points).
: Participate in ALL challenges.
: Get enough points to become a "Dutiful Deputy"!
: Be able to be PROUD of what I accomplish during these 12 weeks. Last round, well um, not so much LOL.
: Do exactly what I did the entire month of May which includes: Exercising daily, tracking/weighing all food and being in range and getting in my water.
: I also have a goal to WORK on the things that we did in the fitness test (below). I can't come back in 12 weeks and expect to be able to do more when I don't do those things regularly during the 12 weeks. I get that this time and the idea of "beating the record" sounds great!
Lose 16.6 pound (Goal weight of 195). This one is last because I can't control the exact amount of weight I lose, but I can control all of my habits listed above!
Our gracious Cappy wanted us to take a photo of our flexibility so we could compare it in the coming weeks. Can we just say there is nothing flattering about this angle?
*BTW, my brother who took the picture refused to take it with me slumped all the way forward, with my gut pressed into my knees and reaching to my toes, he said that wasn't the proper way to stretch, so eff him LOL. So this is as good as HE would tolerate*
And Fitness Test Results:
1 Mile Walk: 19.37
Plank: 20 seconds
Wall Sit: 50 seconds
(Modified) Squats: 15
(Wall) Pushups: 25
(For Fun) Hula Hoop: 3 minutes (7 is my highest record but it's yet to be duplicated LOL)
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