Friday, May 03, 2013
I bought a regular ol kids size hula hoop from Target. I had NO idea it was necessarily kid sized, but I have seen so many people on here, MOSTMOM1 and others who have had amazing success with the hula hoops. Well a little research proved that I pretty much stood NO chance of being able to do it with that particular hoop. It was too small for my height and my rather large middle. My very tall and skinny brother could do it, but me, well not so much. I ordered a 42 inch adult hoop off amazon and I look forward to it coming. I don't mind putting in time and effort to learn something, but I definitely needed the right equipment to even have a chance.
On the food front I am doing okay and I am feeling so much more in control. Thank goodness. I also had a tip from some friends to pay closer attention to my carbs, and I think that is a tool that is going to help me tremendously. I am not getting crazy and going super low carbs, or following Atkins or anything, but I am paying closer attention to it and it's helping! What it is doing for me personally, is it is pushing me away from the convenience foods that we all know are bad for me anyways. For example, a lean pocket at 280 calories isn't so bad on that account, but it has almost 40 carbs. *SHRIEKS IN HORROR* So at the very least, I may not be following a "low carb diet", BUT I am in a backhanded way being forced to make better choices. I am feeling better, I am eating more food before, eating less calories and feeling satisfied. This has only been a couple days of doing this, but I haven't found a reason that I would want to stop just yet. :)
I had a few status updates about it, but last year my A1C test was in the high range for a possibility of pre diabetes. I weighed in at 224 in September. When I left there I vowed to myself I'd be coming back September 2013 possibly at 180 or at the very least in Onederland. Well that was a good plan, until I stalled and regained 10 pounds. So here I sit, around 217, in the beginning of May. I have decided for myself that I will schedule my physical for the beginning of October, and that I will dedicate the next 5 months to losing weight. Let's be honest, my goal for the past year has been to lose weight... I'm not losing weight "for the physical", it's not like wanting to do it to look good for a wedding or whatever (there is nothing wrong with that btw), but I am tricking myself into getting motivated by this. I do not want to be lectured by the doctor, she wants to sign me up for a prediabetes class if my number hasn't gone down. While that isn't a big deal, I already know, I've researched, I know all about the white floury carbs and all the things they want to tell me. I need to get the job done, and the A1C is not a number that can drop over night... so while I may not see a huge drop this year, at least I can take comfort in knowing I'm working towards something.
If I can lose 6 pounds a month I can be about 190 when I see the doctor, and at least I would be proud to walk in and show that I have been making progress. So let's get this show on the road!
Friday, April 26, 2013
Now, I say some, because I should have done this prior to eating 2 of the 3 servings! But better late than never. Macaroni salad, for whatever reason is a trigger food of mine. I know this, and I RARELY buy it because I know what will happen. They have the huge tub, and the very small tub, which I would think is maybe 2 servings, but it's 3, with 330 calories PER SERVING. I could easily eat the whole thing. I had been doing so good, and it was on sale at the store I tricked myself into thinking I could handle eating one serving at a time, in moderation. Boy was I wrong.
I had less than a serving earlier today with my sandwich, and even tonight when I wasn't hungry reached for it. Put it all in my tracker and it blew my already iffy day to 2400 calories. I was still eating it thinking OH WELL, the day is ruined. Then I stopped, mid chew and I said there is still SOME right here, it isn't gone yet.
I took out a plate, put it on the food scale, weighed it, almost 1 whole serving remained. I threw it face down in the trash, and turned on the trash compactor and practically skipped out of the kitchen! I went right back to my tracker and throwing away what didn't look like much saved me about 300 calories! That is more calories than I burned on my walk with Sparky. I feel like a million bucks, I'd feel like 2 million if I stopped even sooner, but it is an amazing feeling to see that food has no control over me.
I simply can not handle buying that. I eat everything else in moderation, even things I really, really, like, but I don't have issues with any of those things, it's just the macaroni salad, so as of today, for real-sies this time, macaroni salad and I are no longer frienemies... We are done-sies.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
I wanted to wait until I had a week under my belt of getting the job done, BUT since my blogs have been nothing but down right depressing lately, I wanted to share my joy with all of you!
My mom wants to lose maybe 15-20 pounds, and has wanted to for a while. I asked her if she would try with me to eat around 1500 calories a day. She is not one that would track her food, but I even told her I could kind of add it up and stuff, and she tells me what she eats. So far it is working. Today is day 5, and weigh in this morning had me down 3 pounds. I understand it is water and blah, blah, blah, but that is 3 pounds that I am not lugging around. I am also prepared for the "easy weight loss" to stop soon, I know I won't be dropping 3 pounds in 4 days forever, and that it will slow to a consistent, slow loss soon. But it was the push I needed and the reassurance that what I am doing is right.
I have pretty just gone back to the "everything in moderation" thing, and it has involved processed foods. It does work and I can lose weight doing this... however I do enjoy how I feel physically when I am eating better foods. I have made a conscious effort to add in more veggies, and get back to that. I just needed it to be baby steps. The idea of going from eating nothing but fast food to eating completely healthy was too much for me. So I have literally crawled in the right direction, and am now ready to really get back to it.
I can not take this dreaded feeling of "starting again"... I know it's not starting OVER, even with the regain I had still been doing this a year, still have lost 50 pounds, and I knew how to do it. I wasn't starting over from square one, but I basically took a time out by choosing to eat the way I was, and now the time out is over and it's time to get back to business. So I know in the future "time outs" are not for me, because the idea of starting again is just too daunting... eek!
Thanks to everyone for the love and support, it would have been so easy to run and hide from Spark, which is what I used to do when I'd start gaining weight. But this time I reached out and I got so much love and support that I just couldn't give up, and for that I thank you guys so much!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
I have the best conversations with my dog Sparky. He is a good listener, he NEVER judges me and he cares about me a lot!
This morning I was cuddling with him when I got home from work, and over the course of a couple minutes, it just started to come out. "Momma is sad, and momma's getting fatter..." and I paused and then it just kept coming "And when momma gets fatter, she gets even sadder and fatter and sadder and it's not good." Then I said "You don't want a 270 pound momma, because then momma couldn't take you for w-a-l-k-s, because she wouldn't be able to, and then you'd be sad, and you don't deserve that." (Had to spell out walk because I didn't want him to think we were going on one lol)
It was crazy how much came out to his furry little face, and he looked like he understood.
I saw something this morning that terrified me. I have already grown accustomed to seeing 216 which was bad enough, but today I saw the number that terrified me, 220. Part of it is bloating with TOM approaching but most of it is from the reckless eating. Yesterday I took good steps in the right direction, tracking food, walking, and getting in my water, but when your food is completely out of control, nothing can save you. We all know you can't out exercise a bad diet. My body has taken on 4 pounds in like 3 days, and while a lot of that may be a fluctuation, the number was very real and a preview of where I am headed.
I also have to say thanks for all the support. I know I am getting repetitive, everything is either I'm gaining, struggling, trying, etc... but keeping active on Spark is the only thread of hope I have to hang on for dear life... so I thank you all so much for hanging in there with me and encouraging me...it means a lot!
Monday, April 08, 2013
I'm trying to prevent my current 6 pound gain, 6 of those ^ from turning into 60.
For some of you, a 6 pound gain is a drop in the bucket. Even when I sit here saying it now, I know it's "only 6 pounds" and it can easily come off IF I do the work. But the problem is, I have not been doing the work. I also have several weight loss attempts under my belt, where a 40 pound loss ended up being completely wiped out in a few short months.
I know for me there is a very thin, brittle line between a 6 pound gain and a 60 pound gain. I know myself, and I am in the denial phase right now. I am in the "It's ONLY 6 pounds, it's okay. It's not like it's 10 or 20, you can turn this around, don't worry about it..." The problem with the denial phase, is telling myself a true statement, such as you can turn this around, but not following it up with an ACTION. I can turn it around, I can win the lottery, I can get struck by lightening, I can get to my goal weight... all of this can happen... can I win the lottery? Probably not. Can I get struck by lightening? Maybe, but I sure hope not... Can I turn this around and get to my goal? Yes, but not without the WORK.
60 pounds didn't fall off of me on one of my walks, it took a lot of work to lose it. And 60 pounds will pile on top of me if I keep eating fast food and sitting on the couch.
I mentioned struggling previously but it was very vague, let me go ahead and give you an idea of what that entails... By admitting this to you, I will be admitting it to myself which is very important.
: I lost my fitbit 3 weeks ago, my motivation to walk is apparently TIED to that fitbit. I think if I can find it, that will help SLIGHTLY.
: I have not been walking consistently at work. A lap or 2 here or there, but hardly any.
: I have not walked Sparky in about a week and a half. Yes, I feel terrible! My mom has taken him on my work days so he's gotten like 3 a week, bu the's used to his daily walks.
: There have been days where I've had MAYBE 8 ounces of water, ICK!
: Fast food, fast food, fast food! I don't even want to know what my credit card bill is going to say!
: Tight pants. I had to chose today between tight size 18's, and loose 20's and I picked loose 20's. That is not good folks!
: Emotional eating. Holy eating batman!
This one is huge, I am just in a very bad place emotionally. I have had my heart stomped on repeatedly over the last month. Lost a friendship with someone I've known 12 years, had not one but two boys use my heart as a punching bag, my beloved Sheldon is doing a little better but probably on his last legs, and of course the weight gain. The craziest thing, out of aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall of those things I mentioned above, the ONE thing that I can control the most, and honestly considering the situations the ONLY thing I can control is my weight gain or weight loss. I chose the path, I chose to sit on the couch eating Jack In The Box instead of eating something healthier and taking Sparky for a walk. The more I do this, the more it becomes my "new normal" and it took me over 6 months to make my healthy lifestyle my "new normal" and I am undoing all my hard work.
I feel like I have to relearn all those healthy habits. I can either relearn them now, sitting at 215 pounds, or I can relearn them at 250, 272, or even an all time high weight of 300. I do not want that. No one wants that.
I am starting on Thursday, and yes yes, I know, that sounds bad, but tough noogies. I have to ween myself onto this. Thursday I will track ALL food and water.. I will however take Sparky for his walk tomorrow night. By the time work rolls around on Saturday I want to have food prepared and ready to go and I need to find the blasted fitbit. I took my ipod on my own free will and now I really have NO excuse not to walk at work. I have my tunes and I need to use them.
I feel sluggish, I feel fat, I feel out of control and I hate it. I am sad for reasons beyond my control and now I need to make the best of the things I can control.
My goal for the end of April is to post a blog, to have at least SOME good news to report, and to weigh less than I do right now which is about 215. I can't give up on this fight, it is too important to me.
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