STEPH-KNEE   76,247
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Hula Hoops, Making Progress & Physicals...

Friday, May 03, 2013

I bought a regular ol kids size hula hoop from Target. I had NO idea it was necessarily kid sized, but I have seen so many people on here, MOSTMOM1 and others who have had amazing success with the hula hoops. Well a little research proved that I pretty much stood NO chance of being able to do it with that particular hoop. It was too small for my height and my rather large middle. emoticon My very tall and skinny brother could do it, but me, well not so much. I ordered a 42 inch adult hoop off amazon and I look forward to it coming. I don't mind putting in time and effort to learn something, but I definitely needed the right equipment to even have a chance.

On the food front I am doing okay and I am feeling so much more in control. Thank goodness. I also had a tip from some friends to pay closer attention to my carbs, and I think that is a tool that is going to help me tremendously. I am not getting crazy and going super low carbs, or following Atkins or anything, but I am paying closer attention to it and it's helping! What it is doing for me personally, is it is pushing me away from the convenience foods that we all know are bad for me anyways. For example, a lean pocket at 280 calories isn't so bad on that account, but it has almost 40 carbs. *SHRIEKS IN HORROR* So at the very least, I may not be following a "low carb diet", BUT I am in a backhanded way being forced to make better choices. I am feeling better, I am eating more food before, eating less calories and feeling satisfied. This has only been a couple days of doing this, but I haven't found a reason that I would want to stop just yet. :)

I had a few status updates about it, but last year my A1C test was in the high range for a possibility of pre diabetes. I weighed in at 224 in September. When I left there I vowed to myself I'd be coming back September 2013 possibly at 180 or at the very least in Onederland. Well that was a good plan, until I stalled and regained 10 pounds. So here I sit, around 217, in the beginning of May. I have decided for myself that I will schedule my physical for the beginning of October, and that I will dedicate the next 5 months to losing weight. Let's be honest, my goal for the past year has been to lose weight... I'm not losing weight "for the physical", it's not like wanting to do it to look good for a wedding or whatever (there is nothing wrong with that btw), but I am tricking myself into getting motivated by this. I do not want to be lectured by the doctor, she wants to sign me up for a prediabetes class if my number hasn't gone down. While that isn't a big deal, I already know, I've researched, I know all about the white floury carbs and all the things they want to tell me. I need to get the job done, and the A1C is not a number that can drop over night... so while I may not see a huge drop this year, at least I can take comfort in knowing I'm working towards something.

If I can lose 6 pounds a month I can be about 190 when I see the doctor, and at least I would be proud to walk in and show that I have been making progress. So let's get this show on the road!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUDY106 5/7/2013 11:19PM

    I am so proud of you because you have chose a good amount of lbs. to lose per month. When we have been changing what and how much we are eating the body slows down showing the weight lost on the scales and I see you have been working on this for awhile, so the 6 lbs. per month is really a great goal. i am down to losing one or two lbs. a month. I hope this Summer I can do better. I am thankful that I have not gained.
Thanks for sharing with us. You have got a good ideal about working toward your Doctor's appointment's date to work toward your goal to Onewonderland. You can do it. Hugs, Judy

Comment edited on: 5/7/2013 11:20:33 PM

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JESSICA_STULTZ 5/7/2013 3:03PM

    While the appointment itself isn't the reason for weight loss, the healthier body is! So I'd definitely say that is motivation. You want the doctor to see lower numbers so you know there is lower risks of getting it! I also think that 6 pounds a month is completely do-able! You've got this! As for the child sized hula-hoop.. maybe you could use it to work out your arms and legs. I'm sure there is something you can do with it! My next random thought.. if you push yourself extra hard you may see an even lower number than 190! Seriously looking forward to you hitting Onederland.. cuz I know it is coming sooner than you realize!

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IMSOOZEEQ 5/7/2013 8:34AM

    You are just such a trooper! I like how you just keep pushing and trying to get things right for YOU. I know that you are not one to just go from one thing to another but when you make a change to your plan, you think it through and do the research. I have faith that you will be in Onederland very soon! You got this!!!

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LRSILVER 5/5/2013 3:40PM

    You can definitely do the 6 pounds a month. I think you need to focus on eating to be healthy not just to lose the weight. Diabetes is such an insidiuous process, it attacks all your organs If you can get your A1C in better range, you will be so much healthier.

Good Luck. You have the power to do this!! emoticon

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    I'm glad you scheduled your physical. It kind of gives you a time frame and a goal to work towards. Of course you want the praise of your doctor but you want the lower A1C even more. I know you can do it.

I'm proud of you for going to the doctor and getting physicals. You're in control of your health in every way and I'm so proud of you. :)

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EILEEN828 5/4/2013 2:15PM

    Loved the invisible hula hoop pic! Good luck on your hoop skills. emoticon

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LOSIN_IT4GOOD 5/4/2013 11:04AM

    I think you have a very realistic outlook, and a great plan! I am also amazed when I review the carbs, fat and protein, and how that knowledge alters my choices.
Just an FYI, the A1c is a measure of the sugar stuck to the hemaglobin in red blood cells. Since the lifespan of a red blood cell is 3 months, there needs to be at least that much time for a change to take place. So the fact that your appointment is 5 months away, that is good...plenty of time to eat healthier so your A1c number is lower by the time of your appointment. Good luck!!! Keep up the good work! emoticon

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MOSTMOM1 5/4/2013 9:30AM

    Look around and see if there's a hoop class in your area. You might be surprised. It's such a fun way to learn, being in a group. That grown-up sized hoop is gonna be night and day difference, just you wait and see. Let me know when you get it!
emoticon emoticon

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BEANIES_MOM 5/4/2013 7:24AM

    emoticon So glad to see you are still moving forward! I love carbs, but I have found that they just don't love me the same way... I can't wait to read an update about the hula hoop. I have thought of trying it, but I need to look more into it.

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AHTRAP 5/4/2013 12:00AM

    Well, depending on how you look at have lost about a pound a month average since September, so there's that.

I'm right there with you on the 10 lb gain thing. Starting to turn it around a bit here, glad to hear you may be doing the same. Here's to us both getting back on the right road!

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I Just Defeated (Some) Of The Macaroni Salad... NSV!

Friday, April 26, 2013

Now, I say some, because I should have done this prior to eating 2 of the 3 servings! But better late than never. Macaroni salad, for whatever reason is a trigger food of mine. I know this, and I RARELY buy it because I know what will happen. They have the huge tub, and the very small tub, which I would think is maybe 2 servings, but it's 3, with 330 calories PER SERVING. I could easily eat the whole thing. I had been doing so good, and it was on sale at the store I tricked myself into thinking I could handle eating one serving at a time, in moderation. Boy was I wrong.

I had less than a serving earlier today with my sandwich, and even tonight when I wasn't hungry reached for it. Put it all in my tracker and it blew my already iffy day to 2400 calories. I was still eating it thinking OH WELL, the day is ruined. Then I stopped, mid chew and I said there is still SOME right here, it isn't gone yet.

I took out a plate, put it on the food scale, weighed it, almost 1 whole serving remained. I threw it face down in the trash, and turned on the trash compactor and practically skipped out of the kitchen! I went right back to my tracker and throwing away what didn't look like much saved me about 300 calories! That is more calories than I burned on my walk with Sparky. I feel like a million bucks, I'd feel like 2 million if I stopped even sooner, but it is an amazing feeling to see that food has no control over me. emoticon

I simply can not handle buying that. I eat everything else in moderation, even things I really, really, like, but I don't have issues with any of those things, it's just the macaroni salad, so as of today, for real-sies this time, macaroni salad and I are no longer frienemies... We are done-sies. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIMONEKP 5/12/2013 8:20AM

    Great job

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IMSOOZEEQ 5/1/2013 3:49PM

    I am so proud of you and you certainly deserve to take a dance of success for throwing the rest away! That is so good! May we all learn from your example here today! I just would like to remind you to write that down and add it to your woo hi I jar!!!

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EILEEN828 5/1/2013 2:15PM

    Huge high five! It would've been sooooo easy to just "eat it up and be done with it." I'm with you there are just some foods that should never make it into your house. They have this powerful draw in which you are always aware of it.
Recently my husband bought some crackers that I really liked and used to binge out on. I was determined that I wasn't going to eat them. Unfortunately he also bought a bunch of other chips as well. So since he doesn't eat a lot at a time, he had so many that it was taking forever for them to disappear.
Finally I decided to try some after at least a week or more. Thankfully half the box was already gone. When I tasted them they seemed a little stale. In fact they were pretty flavorless and seemed particularly dry in my mouth. So even though I ate a few, trying to get some enjoyment out of them, it basically killed my desire for them. I hope that remains my opinion about them and that I will be able to reject them more readily in the future. I'm planning on not buying them but they could still end up in my house.
I've been putting a bigger focus on real, fresh foods lately and I think it is changing my perceptions of what tastes good to me. Getting starches off my list of snacks is a big change for me.
Again, congratulations for identifying a trigger food, doing battle with it and winning! Next time will be much easier. Keep hammering home that this food is unhealthy for you, and it's only power is that of a habitual taste sensation. Embed that idea and then you'll probably get annoyed with it, instead of pining for it. Next time you taste it, really critique it and see if you really like it that much after all. I find that premade macaroni salad has a metallic like flavor in the background that I think is bad for me. I use that for my "reason" to avoid it. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MERRY_XMAS 4/30/2013 5:31PM

    Well done!!!!
That's determination!

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STARSUB99 4/27/2013 2:57PM

    Way to go girlfriend! Smack Down on the Macaroni Salad... emoticon

For me it's the mini choclate eclairs from the freezer section.
They are banned from my house, shopping cart - I don't even do that aisle anymore at walmart...

Here's to defeating the enemies!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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GEMINIGEM6 4/27/2013 2:45PM

    That's a great victory! And boy can I relate. I love macaroni salad!! Lol.

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JESSICA_STULTZ 4/27/2013 12:02AM

    Woo hoo! That just goes to show that you have the willpower to make good choices for yourself. Some days I wish I had better willpower!

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JUDY106 4/26/2013 11:26PM

    Have have foods that i can't have in the house or I won't stop eating them also. You are doing the right things by not buying it again. I don't think i will ever be able to handle some foods and they will have to be out of my life forever. That's OK. I will feel better without them and live longer too. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MOTHEPRO 4/26/2013 4:24PM

Awesome self-control!

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BETHIEBOOPS 4/26/2013 11:41AM

    BOOM! That's how you DO! You go girl. You better feel super proud of yourself- you did an AWESOME thing there :)

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5KGRANNY 4/26/2013 10:12AM

    Man -- that's like me with red licorice!! Excellent job!!!! You are making such huge strides, Stephanie not only in eating but in life in general. I'm proud of you!!! emoticon

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    good for you !!


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ADARKARA 4/26/2013 7:59AM


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Good job in dumping the macaroni salad in the compactor. It was headed for your hips. A most excellent choice. Have a good weekend. My husband buys it in 2 qt containers from WalMart. Many servings have been ingested standing in front of the refrigerator. If that isn't bad enough, sometimes I make it into a dip with my potato chips.

sharon emoticon

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ADZY86 4/26/2013 7:30AM

    That's fantastic! Well done you for taking back control. You're right to feel proud of yourself.

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PEGGYO 4/26/2013 7:06AM


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GHOSTFLAMES 4/26/2013 4:54AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VICKI2705 4/26/2013 4:31AM

    emoticon !!!

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CORTNEY-LEE 4/26/2013 4:15AM

    awesome job!!!

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JUULEE 4/26/2013 4:12AM

    Well done you!!

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Feeling Good, Buddy System, Losing Weight...

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

I wanted to wait until I had a week under my belt of getting the job done, BUT since my blogs have been nothing but down right depressing lately, I wanted to share my joy with all of you!

My mom wants to lose maybe 15-20 pounds, and has wanted to for a while. I asked her if she would try with me to eat around 1500 calories a day. She is not one that would track her food, but I even told her I could kind of add it up and stuff, and she tells me what she eats. So far it is working. Today is day 5, and weigh in this morning had me down 3 pounds. I understand it is water and blah, blah, blah, but that is 3 pounds that I am not lugging around. I am also prepared for the "easy weight loss" to stop soon, I know I won't be dropping 3 pounds in 4 days forever, and that it will slow to a consistent, slow loss soon. But it was the push I needed and the reassurance that what I am doing is right.

I have pretty just gone back to the "everything in moderation" thing, and it has involved processed foods. It does work and I can lose weight doing this... however I do enjoy how I feel physically when I am eating better foods. I have made a conscious effort to add in more veggies, and get back to that. I just needed it to be baby steps. The idea of going from eating nothing but fast food to eating completely healthy was too much for me. So I have literally crawled in the right direction, and am now ready to really get back to it.

I can not take this dreaded feeling of "starting again"... I know it's not starting OVER, even with the regain I had still been doing this a year, still have lost 50 pounds, and I knew how to do it. I wasn't starting over from square one, but I basically took a time out by choosing to eat the way I was, and now the time out is over and it's time to get back to business. So I know in the future "time outs" are not for me, because the idea of starting again is just too daunting... eek!

Thanks to everyone for the love and support, it would have been so easy to run and hide from Spark, which is what I used to do when I'd start gaining weight. But this time I reached out and I got so much love and support that I just couldn't give up, and for that I thank you guys so much! emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JACOBSBELOVED 4/25/2013 3:03PM

    So proud of you, lady!

Who cares if that 3 lbs is water weight?! It's still off your body and seeing the lower number is encouraging!

So happy you found your Fitbit too!

I'm excited for your next blog to see your progress!

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MOTHEPRO 4/25/2013 2:51PM

    Awesome! Keep up the great work!

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BEANIES_MOM 4/25/2013 4:49AM

    emoticon I'm so happy you have gotten back on track!

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CORTNEY-LEE 4/25/2013 4:22AM

    glad to hear things are going well!!!


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WHOVIANGIRL23 4/25/2013 3:30AM

    So glad you're back on track. I'm really struggling with it.. I do good for almost a whole day and then I fall off again at night. Gotta try again tomorrow.

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BETHIEBOOPS 4/25/2013 3:18AM

    Eh, I totally get the processed food thing. It totally is possible to lose weight choosing a Lean Cuisine for your meals- and I'm glad that you've found something that works for you. A lot of people with crazy schedules like yours rely on premade foods! Heck, if they didn't make me feel so sharky (I get migraines from preservatives) I'd probably join you!

Don't let anyone make you feel bad for your choices. You are doing the best you can for your body- and that's all she's ever asked for!

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JUDY106 4/25/2013 12:49AM

    Proud of you!!!! You will do it. i had my time too that I spend off course while I was sick. Now, it is time to get back to treating ourselves right. I will be seeing you around. emoticon emoticon

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JESSICA_STULTZ 4/25/2013 12:29AM

    So happy for you to get back on track. And happy that you got your mom on the train to lose weight. Sometimes even that little bit can make us feel so much better! You can do this!

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DUMBBELLE84 4/24/2013 9:14PM

  Thats so sweet that your mom is working on it too! So glad to hear things are starting to look up. I'm cheering for you!

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HEATHERFREE 4/24/2013 8:01PM

    good good I as well have been doing so much better the past few days.....I'm not going to weigh until next week though because well you know how i am! emoticon

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AMCLELLAN 4/24/2013 7:47PM

    Sounds like everything is going better for you. & you are right 3lbs is 3lbs, no matter what. Great job, keep up the the amazing work. It is nice to see you happy with yourself again.

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Heart 2 Heart With My Dog Sparky...

Sunday, April 14, 2013

I have the best conversations with my dog Sparky. He is a good listener, he NEVER judges me and he cares about me a lot! emoticon

This morning I was cuddling with him when I got home from work, and over the course of a couple minutes, it just started to come out. "Momma is sad, and momma's getting fatter..." and I paused and then it just kept coming "And when momma gets fatter, she gets even sadder and fatter and sadder and it's not good." Then I said "You don't want a 270 pound momma, because then momma couldn't take you for w-a-l-k-s, because she wouldn't be able to, and then you'd be sad, and you don't deserve that." (Had to spell out walk because I didn't want him to think we were going on one lol)

It was crazy how much came out to his furry little face, and he looked like he understood. emoticon

I saw something this morning that terrified me. I have already grown accustomed to seeing 216 which was bad enough, but today I saw the number that terrified me, 220. emoticon Part of it is bloating with TOM approaching but most of it is from the reckless eating. Yesterday I took good steps in the right direction, tracking food, walking, and getting in my water, but when your food is completely out of control, nothing can save you. We all know you can't out exercise a bad diet. My body has taken on 4 pounds in like 3 days, and while a lot of that may be a fluctuation, the number was very real and a preview of where I am headed.

I also have to say thanks for all the support. I know I am getting repetitive, everything is either I'm gaining, struggling, trying, etc... but keeping active on Spark is the only thread of hope I have to hang on for dear life... so I thank you all so much for hanging in there with me and encouraging means a lot! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRIXIETEXAS 4/25/2013 9:47PM

    Keep hanging on, girl. You're not going backwards. Start where you are. You can do it and we'll support each other!

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JUDY106 4/17/2013 9:22PM

    You can get back on track. Really Just go back to the beginning and do the things you first started out with. it will come. Fake it til you make it!!!!! I had a terrible time when I was sick and could not move much and then the hungry and the food calling my name. I didn't make it out with clean slate, but I am cleaning it off myself and starting over. I am trying to go back to the basics. You can do this too. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JUSTLIKEALICE 4/16/2013 11:07PM

    You can do this. Back to basics and work on taking care of you. The emotions will get the best of us every time. Take care of that, and everything else will start falling into place. I believe in you Steph.

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JESSICA_STULTZ 4/16/2013 3:25PM

    Whatever you do, do NOT let all your hard work go to waste. It sucks having to work so hard to get back on track, but you can turn this around and lose more! You can do this!

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GRACEMCC45 4/15/2013 11:44AM

    Oh dear! Sparky I think could be a Motivational Member here! Use him, Stephanie! You will get back on course!

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TIMELAG 4/15/2013 10:09AM

    I hear ya, Steph. Thank goodness for our wonderful furry friends AND our Spark friends! I know you'll get through this rough patch. I'm here for you, and I know you're here for me as well. We can do this!

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STARSUB99 4/15/2013 9:15AM

    I feel for you girlfriend. Keep talking to Sparky - he's a good listener and will never judge you - and he gets you. So many of us get you and know that this is just a bump in the road - you will learn so much about yourself as you work through this difficult time and you will come out on the other side and the crazy eating will go back to normal. And you will be saying " wow - I made it through - look how strong I am!"
Sometimes when we are so lonely and feeling alone in our struggles it is difficult to keep on track to our plans. Listen to your heart. You don't want to keep climbing up that scale. I can hear you - you don't want to keep on the path to sad stephanie - Listen to your heart - and be gentle with yourself. You are sad. Feel the sad.... and know it is not forever. It's just a blip in the road. Be good to yourself and do the things that make you feel good - your mood will catch up. Dance and sing with sparky - cause he is there and will help you get back to happy - and feel happiness for your future. Good things will come. You will get through this struggle. I've been where you are - I still go through these same struggles with the scale and with my heart - I so get where you are at. It is such a tough place to be -but you can find your way out by being good to yourself - connect with friends who also get you... you are a strong woman - you will get through to the other side and will look back on this time as a time of connecting with yourself and moving forward.....
We are all here cheering you on.

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BETHIEBOOPS 4/15/2013 5:31AM

    Oh Sparky! What a good puppy friend. I'm sorry for the disappointment of seeing that number. Isn't it funny that the first time you see a number you celebrate it, and the second feel that you are a failure? Not funny like haha but, you know, super ironic. But Steph, a number is a number. YES you need to make changes to get to a better place. But no you are not a failure for seeing 220. Focus on the changes in small steps like you are doing, and you'll get back there. You've gotta focus on the nutrition of your body- but do it small, do it with love. You are making tremendous progress, and you cannot allow your mean girl voice to start saying that you are failing because you saw this number twice.

Is it good? No ways.

Do you want to see it? No chance in hell.

Will it derail you from getting what you want? I don't think so (Do you?) {OF COURSE NOT!}

Small steps forward has helped you in the past. Just make the best choice for right now, right now. 10 minutes from now you can make a new choice if you want to. YOU are in control of your life. Not the scale, not a number, not a boy, not anything else. YOU! And I know you can win.

And I am so glad you have Sparky to give you a hug from me!

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EILEEN828 4/15/2013 2:13AM

    It takes a long time to really figure out what it's going to take and what you have to change to make your diet and exercise program work for you. My best advice is to change your have to's into want to's. Keep your focus on the positives and compliment yourself more for the right things you do than you do complaining about the wrong things you do. Then just keep plugging away at it. It is good that you saw that as a wake up call, that's good motivation. And by the way I have more to lose than you so your lookin' good to me. You can do it, just keep gaining knowledge of the right choices, and keep moving just for the sheer joy of it.. emoticon emoticon

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JACOBSBELOVED 4/15/2013 12:23AM

    First off, with my mom's dogs you can't say treat, bye-bye, night-night, walk, or any words that rhyme with the words I mentioned or else they go crazy. Dogs are so smart and such good listeners. If I have my mom's toy poodle on my lap and I talk to him, he just sits there and looks up at you and gives you 100% of his attention. They are such good companions and I'm glad you have Sparky there. There is something really therapeutic about having a pet.

Good for you for still exercising, tracking, and drinking enough water! Every step pushes you in the right direction.

I also think changing your ticker was good for you as well. It helps you own up and acknowledge what's going on. I think it would be more frustrating to keep your ticker where it was and then try to catch up to it.

I look forward to your next blog to see your progress!

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6lb Gain --> 60lb Gain...

Monday, April 08, 2013

I'm trying to prevent my current 6 pound gain, 6 of those ^ from turning into 60.

For some of you, a 6 pound gain is a drop in the bucket. Even when I sit here saying it now, I know it's "only 6 pounds" and it can easily come off IF I do the work. But the problem is, I have not been doing the work. I also have several weight loss attempts under my belt, where a 40 pound loss ended up being completely wiped out in a few short months.

I know for me there is a very thin, brittle line between a 6 pound gain and a 60 pound gain. I know myself, and I am in the denial phase right now. I am in the "It's ONLY 6 pounds, it's okay. It's not like it's 10 or 20, you can turn this around, don't worry about it..." The problem with the denial phase, is telling myself a true statement, such as you can turn this around, but not following it up with an ACTION. I can turn it around, I can win the lottery, I can get struck by lightening, I can get to my goal weight... all of this can happen... can I win the lottery? Probably not. Can I get struck by lightening? Maybe, but I sure hope not... Can I turn this around and get to my goal? Yes, but not without the WORK.

60 pounds didn't fall off of me on one of my walks, it took a lot of work to lose it. And 60 pounds will pile on top of me if I keep eating fast food and sitting on the couch.

Confession time:

I mentioned struggling previously but it was very vague, let me go ahead and give you an idea of what that entails... By admitting this to you, I will be admitting it to myself which is very important.

emoticon: I lost my fitbit 3 weeks ago, my motivation to walk is apparently TIED to that fitbit. I think if I can find it, that will help SLIGHTLY.

emoticon: I have not been walking consistently at work. A lap or 2 here or there, but hardly any.

emoticon: I have not walked Sparky in about a week and a half. Yes, I feel terrible! My mom has taken him on my work days so he's gotten like 3 a week, bu the's used to his daily walks.

emoticon: There have been days where I've had MAYBE 8 ounces of water, ICK!

emoticon: Fast food, fast food, fast food! I don't even want to know what my credit card bill is going to say!

emoticon: Tight pants. I had to chose today between tight size 18's, and loose 20's and I picked loose 20's. That is not good folks!

emoticon: Emotional eating. Holy eating batman!

This one is huge, I am just in a very bad place emotionally. I have had my heart stomped on repeatedly over the last month. Lost a friendship with someone I've known 12 years, had not one but two boys use my heart as a punching bag, my beloved Sheldon is doing a little better but probably on his last legs, and of course the weight gain. The craziest thing, out of aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall of those things I mentioned above, the ONE thing that I can control the most, and honestly considering the situations the ONLY thing I can control is my weight gain or weight loss. I chose the path, I chose to sit on the couch eating Jack In The Box instead of eating something healthier and taking Sparky for a walk. The more I do this, the more it becomes my "new normal" and it took me over 6 months to make my healthy lifestyle my "new normal" and I am undoing all my hard work.

I feel like I have to relearn all those healthy habits. I can either relearn them now, sitting at 215 pounds, or I can relearn them at 250, 272, or even an all time high weight of 300. I do not want that. No one wants that.

I am starting on Thursday, and yes yes, I know, that sounds bad, but tough noogies. I have to ween myself onto this. Thursday I will track ALL food and water.. I will however take Sparky for his walk tomorrow night. By the time work rolls around on Saturday I want to have food prepared and ready to go and I need to find the blasted fitbit. I took my ipod on my own free will and now I really have NO excuse not to walk at work. I have my tunes and I need to use them.

I feel sluggish, I feel fat, I feel out of control and I hate it. I am sad for reasons beyond my control and now I need to make the best of the things I can control.

My goal for the end of April is to post a blog, to have at least SOME good news to report, and to weigh less than I do right now which is about 215. I can't give up on this fight, it is too important to me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THESHELBSTER 4/14/2013 3:03PM

    I know you are going to get back on track. I am sorry for all that you have been going through but you are super duper sturdy and I know you will get the 6 lbs back off and you won't let it derail you. I am here for you.

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DAWNSJOURNEY 4/10/2013 4:32PM

    emoticon Way to stop the madness and make a plan to get back in the game. Carry 60 lbs of potatoes while at the store and think I don't want that back. Even to just lift it will be hard. Emotional Eating is my downfall and I understand that. But you're right You're worth all the hard work you have put in to just quit. You only fail if you quit.. if you keep going it will be okay , it might take time but you will SUCCEED .

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ANYA_JADE 4/10/2013 4:24PM

    I feel like you and I just posted the exact same blog... This is what happened to me after BLC 17 ended... You come to that fork in the road and you can choose-Give up and gain EVERYTHING back plus some because it's "Too hard" to start again, or--Realize that even if you don't lose another pound in the next month, so long as you didn't gain anything, you've done an amazing job! :)

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KELLY19770 4/10/2013 1:47PM

    A very eye opening post. I am right there with you, and I am hoping you get your Spark back and soon. I'm glad you are making that realization 6 to 60 before you stick your head in the sand and *poof* it's 60 (I've done that many times myself).
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EILEEN828 4/10/2013 3:12AM

    So here you've let it all hang out. The big mental emotional exhale of all your pentup frustrations. That's fantastic! In fact, do some deep strong slow breathing and revel in the fact that you are at the bottom of it and now you will begin your rebound. This IS the pivotal moment of potential blow it all weight gain, OR, and yes it really is that easy, to ease yourself back to the path that has been working for you. Yes I DO know, I didn't listen to me when it was my pivotal moment, and I've said to myself ever since if only I had done immediate action at the 5lb. mark. Because it will always be, "it's ok it's just 5lbs" which you can say to the next 5lbs and the next until you lose track how many times you say it.
Look at you, success! You are looking at it at exactly the right time to do it. Weight fluctuates, allow it. Let it run unhindered, I don't think so. You all know what happens when you run downhill, you fall. So look at the glass that is half FULL. You are catching yourself at the right time. You've done a great job of figuring out your distractions and deflations. Just know that you ARE a good person and things will look up soon.
Best first thing to do is stop eating fast food, that alone is going to make you feel physically better. Also take Vit D (1000mg) and Magnesium (400mg) these two supplements make you feel like you have more energy (yes, really) And Yea! you have a dog. That's perfect. Do take him for walks, you'll give both of you exercise (hey did you notice Spring is here) and your dog is going to give you lot's of love. Just what you need. You're past the sore spot, so just get started, your momentum will pick up naturally. You might even try walking without any music and just work out some of your frustrations mentally when no one can bother you.
I'm sorry to hear of your relationship difficulties, but remember, they are going to resolve the same way whether you eat too much or not. Don't let that influence the things you do to take care of yourself. Knowing that you are being careful about how you are treating yourself is going to feel very nurturing, a great thing when you have bruised emotions. Bruises do go away, and this will pass and knowing that is showing wisdom. Showing yourself nurturing love is also sign of wisdom and maturity. Some people never figure that out. Be glad you know and your life will be the better for it. Big hugs and big smiles for you. You can do it. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KATYDID412 4/9/2013 9:56PM

    I am right there with you and struggling to get back on track. I feel sluggish and fat and gross. We can get this back in check -- we must.

I'm going to add you as a friend -- maybe we can support each other?

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IMSOOZEEQ 4/9/2013 9:47PM

    I know we have talked about this but you know that I was doing the "it is only a few pounds gain" dance and now I am right back up to my start weight. Am I kicking myself? Well to be honest, I was but now I have restarted and I am moving forward. I don't want you to be in that same place. Onederland is calling you! You have a ticket for the train ride to get there. You just have to DO THE WORK to get to the station! emoticon I know that you know that it isn't emoticon 's and emoticon 's but the road is filled with many friends to support and encourage you along the way. We have all stumbled and well some of us have crashed and burned (many times)! The main thing is to not give up and to get back to doing the WORK that we know we need to do to get the job done!

emoticon Here is a water bomb to help you get your water in!

emoticon emoticon Here are you and Sparky getting your walk on!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Here are some healthy foods to get you eating better!

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Oh and last but not least...Those 6 pounds don't stand a chance! They will be gone soon enough along with more of their friends! emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/9/2013 9:48:19 PM

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DUMBBELLE84 4/9/2013 8:02PM

  Oh girl, I can so relate to much of this. Except I didn't stop at 6 and now I'm fighting like crazy to get it back off. I know you can do it - and I know you know that too! Hugs to you!!

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    Stay strong and don't give up. I too have slipped recently and keep trying to get back on track. I know that if I keep trying eventually I will get back on track and you will too. I'm rooting for you.
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JESSICA_STULTZ 4/9/2013 3:28PM

    Definitely time to turn things around before you lose hope! I know all too well that "it's only a couple pounds.. that's not so bad" thought. But if you don't get right back into it, it can easily turn into a lot more. And then once you've gained so much more, you feel like "what's the point of trying?" And THEN things get really crazy. I'm not saying you will.. because I know you don't want to and will work hard not to.. But don't let those 60 come back. You have worked SO HARD to get to this point, and while you are beautiful no matter what you weigh, you are so much happier now that you have lost that weight. I have watched so many people start and give up. Shoot, I've started losing weight so many times and given up. We can't give up now! Can you imagine having to restart? Yuck. I won't give you grief for waiting til Thursday to get back into the groove.. but then it's time for you to kick it into high gear lady! You can do this!

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 4/9/2013 3:07PM

    I can identify! It has happened to me; you have all of the knowledge and all of the intellect and all of the insight and the perception. So how can you transform that into action?

I hope that you can use this blog as a springboard to try to get rid of those 6 pounds and then to keep on going. If you do anything else, it will only make things worse.

Take good care of yourself! I'll be thinking of you. emoticon

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MOTHEPRO 4/9/2013 1:55PM

    emoticon It looks like you've analyzed your issues and have created a plan to deal with them. That is the hardest part. Hang in there!

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GEMINIGEM6 4/9/2013 12:52PM

    I know EXACTLY what you mean. And whereas I know this may not sound so inspirational...hear my heart...that is exactly how the weight comes back. It happened to me. I didn't lose near the amount you have...I had lost close to 30lbs in the end of 2011....I got depressed and was going through all these different issues in my personal life and next thing I was back. I don't want you to go through the same thing I have. Luckily I have not passed my starting weight..but I am still back at it. I have lost a few lbs here and there since last year but I keep staying at the same now I am starting all over. You CAN get through this! I know you can! Believe in yourself...say affirmations...list things your grateful for...anything you can do to keep your spirit up. I am an emotional eater as well so I KNOW how hard this all is and I don't want to see you go through what I've gone through having to start all over again. You have proven you have what it takes. I am in your corner and rooting for you! And if you ever need to talk..just private message me. I'm a good listener...and I don't judge. Nothing surprises me either. If you knew half the crap I went through last year you would understand where I'm coming from. Lol. Best wishes chica! :) emoticon

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LUCKYSTAR99 4/9/2013 12:48PM

    Just stumbled on your blog and I wanted to say that you are amazing! Thank you for being honest and consequently very inspiring. Keep up the good fight. I'm rooting for you!!

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MISHAMW 4/9/2013 12:37PM

    I completely 100% understand. I know that if my schedule changes in the slightest, all hell breaks loose and I just kinda throw my hands up in the air in defeat.

My dad lost his job in November and was out of work until the end of February. Since then I have stopped working out (he is like a vampire, sucking away all energy and will to do anything, even my mom feels it). Plus he has very different eating habits, so every day (like 6 time a week at minimum) I was getting fast food or restaurant food, because my dad hates to eat alone. I also lost my pet. And moved. And gained 13 pounds....

SO I understand. But this time I am starting small. Focusing on just doing something physical, like yoga for a couple of minutes (and that lovely squat challenge via tumblr). I am also eating at home now, and focusing on food more than working out right now, because I know that is my down fall.

Slow and slower are my mottos on getting back on the band wagon.

Good luck with getting back to everything "spark-y" (not to be confused with your dog). Have a good one!

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WHOVIANGIRL23 4/9/2013 12:07PM

    You can do it. At least you're realizing this. Remember how much "just a few pounds gained back" turned into 53 lbs? I don't want it to happen to you. You are a wonderful person and we are all here for you!

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 4/9/2013 10:19AM

    Rooting for you. I lost about 40lbs- yay but because I didn't nip my emotional eating in the bud am almost back to my starting weight. Don't let that happen to you.

It doesn't feel good. It hurts that all of that effort was lost in a matter of months. All of those clothes that were once so loose you were about to dip into a lower size no longer fits, in fact you can't even close it. The comfort food got me through the rough patches but now I'm paying the price. You've made such great progress- keep at it:)

Be strong, you can do it. Get back in there and keep trying. Every good choice counts.

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BEANIES_MOM 4/9/2013 4:11AM


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LINDASWEIGHT612 4/9/2013 2:54AM

    I know how you feel and what you are going though! This is not an easy journey, if it was we would all look like twigs! I too have a horrible fast food addiction as well as soda, mt.dew is a huge one for me. I have been on and off of here more times then consistently on, and I will gain 10 say I'm done, lose 5 then slip and fall and not get back up for a month or so. I have found this awesome website that you can set up to have text messages sent to you, or emails if you prefer in the future so you can send yourself reminders. I currently have set it up every day twice a day one in the morning telling me to get off my butt and do something and one at night telling me to get on here. And I have done it in the past via email and did find that it helped a lot. I think with the text messages, it will help me more. I don't have a fibbit but I do have a suggestion about that. If you have a smart phone there is an app called runkeeper, and it tracks your walks/runs by GPS. I find it motivating because I want to know how far I've walked, and then you can upload the information to facebook if you want, and I found as well that the calories they say you burn pretty much match up with the ones SP say you did at the same time so it's got to be generally correct. I also found an app today that you can monitor your heart rate on which I also think is pretty cool. I know the fibbit probably has all that information together, but until you find yours there is another way! I would love to be you buddy if you would let me. I have found that text buddies are awesome in keeping you motivated and awesome at cheering you on. If you want let me know and I will send you my number

Don't get discouraged you can do this and you are amazing down 60 lbs that is no small thing!!!

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BETHIEBOOPS 4/9/2013 2:38AM

    1. I am so proud of you for writing this blog. It's so much easier to slinky off into the distance get fat and grow old.

2. Way to man up to your troubles. Recognising them as what they are is such a brave thing to do. You are a very self aware person and I think that makes these types of recognisations even harder on a person.

3. Yes! Ease into this. Small steps = victory. Can I also suggest, in love, that you stop looking at the scale for a little bit? Not long, just shift your focus from weight loss to health improvement. I'll make a suggestion, but you must do what you feel is best for you! I think you need to make this FUN again. I like little "detox" plans with goals and tasks to focus on during the day. For example: Maybe spend the next 2 weeks in a "detox"- Monday we drink a crapload of water, Tuesday we watch for 5-8 servings of veggies and fruit, Wednesday we focus on getting Sparky on his walk and doing one extra thing for activity, Thursday we prep our meals for the week ahead, Friday, we journal our thoughts, etc. Maybe by giving yourself small goals during the day will help make this fun again. I think that all the emotional crap you've had to deal with has really stolen your joy, and you gotta find that again! Think about taking Sparky to the park and bringing along your favourite soul refreshing book, or something, to rejuvenate your spirit this week?

We so often think of this as a physical weightloss journey, but it's SO much more than that. It's about your soul growth, your emotional journey (hell, it's not easy going from 'invisible' to hottie) and your human growth as a person, just as much as it is about going from X lbs to Y lbs. It's all linked. It's possible to have one without the other, but in terms of weightloss, I personally, don't think it's possible to lose so much weight, stay the same, and keep it off.

You've changed girl. You're just catching up to yourself. Trust who you've become- she knows how to make good choices, how to motivate herself, and where to make ridiculously awesome cat memes. You know how in science class our teachers would talk about homeostasis, and how our bodies/things in nature like to stay in balance, unchanged? That's all this is, the fight to let new Steph be who she wants to be, not who she was before.


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WEBEZE 4/9/2013 2:27AM

    You can do this. Hopefully getting it out helped you feel better. I feel your pain and have gained 7 pounds myself. I won't burden you with my troubles as you have your own right now, but just know you are not alone. I too have felt lately like throwing in the towel, but my spark friends keep me trying.
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    Wow! You are sooo close to onederland ! Which is not the point of your blog but it's what I noticed right away. Hard not to look that direction and wonder if part of your fear is about that. Just a thought.


I know you realize that exercise will improve your mood -

and taking Sparky for a walk tomorrow sounds like an awesome way to start your updated plan!

hope you find your fitbit!

emoticon .. emoticon .. emoticon

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JACOBSBELOVED 4/8/2013 11:23PM

    You poor thing. I just feel for you so much right now. I think we've all been where you're at and it SUCKS.

You seem aware of what you're doing and that's important. You're admitting to yourself that you're dissatisfied with what you're doing and I think that can go a long way. It's hard when you disappoint yourself, and you can be harder on yourself than anyone else can be (and I mean everyone does this).

I think if you keep logging in to SP, that will really help. I think it would be difficult to gain back all the weight if you're still on SP and involved. I think it's when people log off and disappear for a few months is when they gain the weight back.

I really think you can do it. You've hit a rough patch, and that's perfectly fine, but I think things will improve in your life and you'll find the motivation and the push you've been looking for to continue with your weight loss journey.

We're all here if you need us. :)

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CORTNEY-LEE 4/8/2013 11:08PM

    Emotional eating is, for lack of a better term, a bi**h. You are not alone - I struggle with it all of the time.Sometimes I win, sometimes the cookies/cakes/chips or whatever wins. I wish I had more words of wisdom for you.


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