STEPH-KNEE   70,957
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Heart 2 Heart With My Dog Sparky...

Sunday, April 14, 2013



I have the best conversations with my dog Sparky. He is a good listener, he NEVER judges me and he cares about me a lot! emoticon

This morning I was cuddling with him when I got home from work, and over the course of a couple minutes, it just started to come out. "Momma is sad, and momma's getting fatter..." and I paused and then it just kept coming "And when momma gets fatter, she gets even sadder and fatter and sadder and it's not good." Then I said "You don't want a 270 pound momma, because then momma couldn't take you for w-a-l-k-s, because she wouldn't be able to, and then you'd be sad, and you don't deserve that." (Had to spell out walk because I didn't want him to think we were going on one lol)

It was crazy how much came out to his furry little face, and he looked like he understood. emoticon

I saw something this morning that terrified me. I have already grown accustomed to seeing 216 which was bad enough, but today I saw the number that terrified me, 220. emoticon Part of it is bloating with TOM approaching but most of it is from the reckless eating. Yesterday I took good steps in the right direction, tracking food, walking, and getting in my water, but when your food is completely out of control, nothing can save you. We all know you can't out exercise a bad diet. My body has taken on 4 pounds in like 3 days, and while a lot of that may be a fluctuation, the number was very real and a preview of where I am headed.

I also have to say thanks for all the support. I know I am getting repetitive, everything is either I'm gaining, struggling, trying, etc... but keeping active on Spark is the only thread of hope I have to hang on for dear life... so I thank you all so much for hanging in there with me and encouraging me...it means a lot! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRIXIETEXAS 4/25/2013 9:47PM

    Keep hanging on, girl. You're not going backwards. Start where you are. You can do it and we'll support each other!

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JUDY106 4/17/2013 9:22PM

    You can get back on track. Really Just go back to the beginning and do the things you first started out with. it will come. Fake it til you make it!!!!! I had a terrible time when I was sick and could not move much and then the hungry and the food calling my name. I didn't make it out with clean slate, but I am cleaning it off myself and starting over. I am trying to go back to the basics. You can do this too. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JUSTLIKEALICE 4/16/2013 11:07PM

    You can do this. Back to basics and work on taking care of you. The emotions will get the best of us every time. Take care of that, and everything else will start falling into place. I believe in you Steph.

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JESSICA_STULTZ 4/16/2013 3:25PM

    Whatever you do, do NOT let all your hard work go to waste. It sucks having to work so hard to get back on track, but you can turn this around and lose more! You can do this!

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GRACEMCC45 4/15/2013 11:44AM

    Oh dear! Sparky I think could be a Motivational Member here! Use him, Stephanie! You will get back on course!

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TIMELAG 4/15/2013 10:09AM

    I hear ya, Steph. Thank goodness for our wonderful furry friends AND our Spark friends! I know you'll get through this rough patch. I'm here for you, and I know you're here for me as well. We can do this!

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STARSUB99 4/15/2013 9:15AM

    I feel for you girlfriend. Keep talking to Sparky - he's a good listener and will never judge you - and he gets you. So many of us get you and know that this is just a bump in the road - you will learn so much about yourself as you work through this difficult time and you will come out on the other side and the crazy eating will go back to normal. And you will be saying " wow - I made it through - look how strong I am!"
Sometimes when we are so lonely and feeling alone in our struggles it is difficult to keep on track to our plans. Listen to your heart. You don't want to keep climbing up that scale. I can hear you - you don't want to keep on the path to sad stephanie - Listen to your heart - and be gentle with yourself. You are sad. Feel the sad.... and know it is not forever. It's just a blip in the road. Be good to yourself and do the things that make you feel good - your mood will catch up. Dance and sing with sparky - cause he is there and will help you get back to happy - and feel happiness for your future. Good things will come. You will get through this struggle. I've been where you are - I still go through these same struggles with the scale and with my heart - I so get where you are at. It is such a tough place to be -but you can find your way out by being good to yourself - connect with friends who also get you... you are a strong woman - you will get through to the other side and will look back on this time as a time of connecting with yourself and moving forward.....
We are all here cheering you on.


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BETHIEBOOPS 4/15/2013 5:31AM

    Oh Sparky! What a good puppy friend. I'm sorry for the disappointment of seeing that number. Isn't it funny that the first time you see a number you celebrate it, and the second feel that you are a failure? Not funny like haha but, you know, super ironic. But Steph, a number is a number. YES you need to make changes to get to a better place. But no you are not a failure for seeing 220. Focus on the changes in small steps like you are doing, and you'll get back there. You've gotta focus on the nutrition of your body- but do it small, do it with love. You are making tremendous progress, and you cannot allow your mean girl voice to start saying that you are failing because you saw this number twice.

Is it good? No ways.

Do you want to see it? No chance in hell.

Will it derail you from getting what you want? I don't think so (Do you?) {OF COURSE NOT!}

Small steps forward has helped you in the past. Just make the best choice for right now, right now. 10 minutes from now you can make a new choice if you want to. YOU are in control of your life. Not the scale, not a number, not a boy, not anything else. YOU! And I know you can win.

And I am so glad you have Sparky to give you a hug from me!

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EILEEN828 4/15/2013 2:13AM

    It takes a long time to really figure out what it's going to take and what you have to change to make your diet and exercise program work for you. My best advice is to change your have to's into want to's. Keep your focus on the positives and compliment yourself more for the right things you do than you do complaining about the wrong things you do. Then just keep plugging away at it. It is good that you saw that as a wake up call, that's good motivation. And by the way I have more to lose than you so your lookin' good to me. You can do it, just keep gaining knowledge of the right choices, and keep moving just for the sheer joy of it.. emoticon emoticon

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JACOBSBELOVED 4/15/2013 12:23AM

    First off, with my mom's dogs you can't say treat, bye-bye, night-night, walk, or any words that rhyme with the words I mentioned or else they go crazy. Dogs are so smart and such good listeners. If I have my mom's toy poodle on my lap and I talk to him, he just sits there and looks up at you and gives you 100% of his attention. They are such good companions and I'm glad you have Sparky there. There is something really therapeutic about having a pet.

Good for you for still exercising, tracking, and drinking enough water! Every step pushes you in the right direction.

I also think changing your ticker was good for you as well. It helps you own up and acknowledge what's going on. I think it would be more frustrating to keep your ticker where it was and then try to catch up to it.

I look forward to your next blog to see your progress!

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6lb Gain --> 60lb Gain...

Monday, April 08, 2013


I'm trying to prevent my current 6 pound gain, 6 of those ^ from turning into 60.

For some of you, a 6 pound gain is a drop in the bucket. Even when I sit here saying it now, I know it's "only 6 pounds" and it can easily come off IF I do the work. But the problem is, I have not been doing the work. I also have several weight loss attempts under my belt, where a 40 pound loss ended up being completely wiped out in a few short months.

I know for me there is a very thin, brittle line between a 6 pound gain and a 60 pound gain. I know myself, and I am in the denial phase right now. I am in the "It's ONLY 6 pounds, it's okay. It's not like it's 10 or 20, you can turn this around, don't worry about it..." The problem with the denial phase, is telling myself a true statement, such as you can turn this around, but not following it up with an ACTION. I can turn it around, I can win the lottery, I can get struck by lightening, I can get to my goal weight... all of this can happen... can I win the lottery? Probably not. Can I get struck by lightening? Maybe, but I sure hope not... Can I turn this around and get to my goal? Yes, but not without the WORK.

60 pounds didn't fall off of me on one of my walks, it took a lot of work to lose it. And 60 pounds will pile on top of me if I keep eating fast food and sitting on the couch.

Confession time:


I mentioned struggling previously but it was very vague, let me go ahead and give you an idea of what that entails... By admitting this to you, I will be admitting it to myself which is very important.

emoticon: I lost my fitbit 3 weeks ago, my motivation to walk is apparently TIED to that fitbit. I think if I can find it, that will help SLIGHTLY.

emoticon: I have not been walking consistently at work. A lap or 2 here or there, but hardly any.

emoticon: I have not walked Sparky in about a week and a half. Yes, I feel terrible! My mom has taken him on my work days so he's gotten like 3 a week, bu the's used to his daily walks.

emoticon: There have been days where I've had MAYBE 8 ounces of water, ICK!

emoticon: Fast food, fast food, fast food! I don't even want to know what my credit card bill is going to say!

emoticon: Tight pants. I had to chose today between tight size 18's, and loose 20's and I picked loose 20's. That is not good folks!

emoticon: Emotional eating. Holy eating batman!

This one is huge, I am just in a very bad place emotionally. I have had my heart stomped on repeatedly over the last month. Lost a friendship with someone I've known 12 years, had not one but two boys use my heart as a punching bag, my beloved Sheldon is doing a little better but probably on his last legs, and of course the weight gain. The craziest thing, out of aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall of those things I mentioned above, the ONE thing that I can control the most, and honestly considering the situations the ONLY thing I can control is my weight gain or weight loss. I chose the path, I chose to sit on the couch eating Jack In The Box instead of eating something healthier and taking Sparky for a walk. The more I do this, the more it becomes my "new normal" and it took me over 6 months to make my healthy lifestyle my "new normal" and I am undoing all my hard work.

I feel like I have to relearn all those healthy habits. I can either relearn them now, sitting at 215 pounds, or I can relearn them at 250, 272, or even an all time high weight of 300. I do not want that. No one wants that.

I am starting on Thursday, and yes yes, I know, that sounds bad, but tough noogies. I have to ween myself onto this. Thursday I will track ALL food and water.. I will however take Sparky for his walk tomorrow night. By the time work rolls around on Saturday I want to have food prepared and ready to go and I need to find the blasted fitbit. I took my ipod on my own free will and now I really have NO excuse not to walk at work. I have my tunes and I need to use them.

I feel sluggish, I feel fat, I feel out of control and I hate it. I am sad for reasons beyond my control and now I need to make the best of the things I can control.

My goal for the end of April is to post a blog, to have at least SOME good news to report, and to weigh less than I do right now which is about 215. I can't give up on this fight, it is too important to me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THESHELBSTER 4/14/2013 3:03PM

    I know you are going to get back on track. I am sorry for all that you have been going through but you are super duper sturdy and I know you will get the 6 lbs back off and you won't let it derail you. I am here for you.

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DAWNSJOURNEY 4/10/2013 4:32PM

    emoticon Way to stop the madness and make a plan to get back in the game. Carry 60 lbs of potatoes while at the store and think I don't want that back. Even to just lift it will be hard. Emotional Eating is my downfall and I understand that. But you're right You're worth all the hard work you have put in to just quit. You only fail if you quit.. if you keep going it will be okay , it might take time but you will SUCCEED .

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ANYA_JADE 4/10/2013 4:24PM

    I feel like you and I just posted the exact same blog... This is what happened to me after BLC 17 ended... You come to that fork in the road and you can choose-Give up and gain EVERYTHING back plus some because it's "Too hard" to start again, or--Realize that even if you don't lose another pound in the next month, so long as you didn't gain anything, you've done an amazing job! :)

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KELLY19770 4/10/2013 1:47PM

    A very eye opening post. I am right there with you, and I am hoping you get your Spark back and soon. I'm glad you are making that realization 6 to 60 before you stick your head in the sand and *poof* it's 60 (I've done that many times myself).
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EILEEN828 4/10/2013 3:12AM

    So here you've let it all hang out. The big mental emotional exhale of all your pentup frustrations. That's fantastic! In fact, do some deep strong slow breathing and revel in the fact that you are at the bottom of it and now you will begin your rebound. This IS the pivotal moment of potential blow it all weight gain, OR, and yes it really is that easy, to ease yourself back to the path that has been working for you. Yes I DO know, I didn't listen to me when it was my pivotal moment, and I've said to myself ever since if only I had done immediate action at the 5lb. mark. Because it will always be, "it's ok it's just 5lbs" which you can say to the next 5lbs and the next until you lose track how many times you say it.
Look at you, success! You are looking at it at exactly the right time to do it. Weight fluctuates, allow it. Let it run unhindered, I don't think so. You all know what happens when you run downhill, you fall. So look at the glass that is half FULL. You are catching yourself at the right time. You've done a great job of figuring out your distractions and deflations. Just know that you ARE a good person and things will look up soon.
Best first thing to do is stop eating fast food, that alone is going to make you feel physically better. Also take Vit D (1000mg) and Magnesium (400mg) these two supplements make you feel like you have more energy (yes, really) And Yea! you have a dog. That's perfect. Do take him for walks, you'll give both of you exercise (hey did you notice Spring is here) and your dog is going to give you lot's of love. Just what you need. You're past the sore spot, so just get started, your momentum will pick up naturally. You might even try walking without any music and just work out some of your frustrations mentally when no one can bother you.
I'm sorry to hear of your relationship difficulties, but remember, they are going to resolve the same way whether you eat too much or not. Don't let that influence the things you do to take care of yourself. Knowing that you are being careful about how you are treating yourself is going to feel very nurturing, a great thing when you have bruised emotions. Bruises do go away, and this will pass and knowing that is showing wisdom. Showing yourself nurturing love is also sign of wisdom and maturity. Some people never figure that out. Be glad you know and your life will be the better for it. Big hugs and big smiles for you. You can do it. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KATYDID412 4/9/2013 9:56PM

    I am right there with you and struggling to get back on track. I feel sluggish and fat and gross. We can get this back in check -- we must.

I'm going to add you as a friend -- maybe we can support each other?

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IMSOOZEEQ 4/9/2013 9:47PM

    I know we have talked about this but you know that I was doing the "it is only a few pounds gain" dance and now I am right back up to my start weight. Am I kicking myself? Well to be honest, I was but now I have restarted and I am moving forward. I don't want you to be in that same place. Onederland is calling you! You have a ticket for the train ride to get there. You just have to DO THE WORK to get to the station! emoticon I know that you know that it isn't emoticon 's and emoticon 's but the road is filled with many friends to support and encourage you along the way. We have all stumbled and well some of us have crashed and burned (many times)! The main thing is to not give up and to get back to doing the WORK that we know we need to do to get the job done!

emoticon Here is a water bomb to help you get your water in!

emoticon emoticon Here are you and Sparky getting your walk on!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Here are some healthy foods to get you eating better!

emoticon emoticon

Oh and last but not least...Those 6 pounds don't stand a chance! They will be gone soon enough along with more of their friends! emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/9/2013 9:48:19 PM

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DUMBBELLE84 4/9/2013 8:02PM

  Oh girl, I can so relate to much of this. Except I didn't stop at 6 and now I'm fighting like crazy to get it back off. I know you can do it - and I know you know that too! Hugs to you!!

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DISKATDREAMER 4/9/2013 3:34PM

    Stay strong and don't give up. I too have slipped recently and keep trying to get back on track. I know that if I keep trying eventually I will get back on track and you will too. I'm rooting for you.
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JESSICA_STULTZ 4/9/2013 3:28PM

    Definitely time to turn things around before you lose hope! I know all too well that "it's only a couple pounds.. that's not so bad" thought. But if you don't get right back into it, it can easily turn into a lot more. And then once you've gained so much more, you feel like "what's the point of trying?" And THEN things get really crazy. I'm not saying you will.. because I know you don't want to and will work hard not to.. But don't let those 60 come back. You have worked SO HARD to get to this point, and while you are beautiful no matter what you weigh, you are so much happier now that you have lost that weight. I have watched so many people start and give up. Shoot, I've started losing weight so many times and given up. We can't give up now! Can you imagine having to restart? Yuck. I won't give you grief for waiting til Thursday to get back into the groove.. but then it's time for you to kick it into high gear lady! You can do this!

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 4/9/2013 3:07PM

    I can identify! It has happened to me; you have all of the knowledge and all of the intellect and all of the insight and the perception. So how can you transform that into action?

I hope that you can use this blog as a springboard to try to get rid of those 6 pounds and then to keep on going. If you do anything else, it will only make things worse.

Take good care of yourself! I'll be thinking of you. emoticon

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MOTHEPRO 4/9/2013 1:55PM

    emoticon It looks like you've analyzed your issues and have created a plan to deal with them. That is the hardest part. Hang in there!
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GEMINIGEM6 4/9/2013 12:52PM

    I know EXACTLY what you mean. And whereas I know this may not sound so inspirational...hear my heart...that is exactly how the weight comes back. It happened to me. I didn't lose near the amount you have...I had lost close to 30lbs in the end of 2011....I got depressed and was going through all these different issues in my personal life and next thing I know..BAM...it was back. I don't want you to go through the same thing I have. Luckily I have not passed my starting weight..but I am still back at it. I have lost a few lbs here and there since last year but I keep staying at the same place...so now I am starting all over. You CAN get through this! I know you can! Believe in yourself...say affirmations...list things your grateful for...anything you can do to keep your spirit up. I am an emotional eater as well so I KNOW how hard this all is and I don't want to see you go through what I've gone through having to start all over again. You have proven you have what it takes. I am in your corner and rooting for you! And if you ever need to talk..just private message me. I'm a good listener...and I don't judge. Nothing surprises me either. If you knew half the crap I went through last year you would understand where I'm coming from. Lol. Best wishes chica! :) emoticon

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LUCKYSTAR99 4/9/2013 12:48PM

    Just stumbled on your blog and I wanted to say that you are amazing! Thank you for being honest and consequently very inspiring. Keep up the good fight. I'm rooting for you!!

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MISHAMW 4/9/2013 12:37PM

    I completely 100% understand. I know that if my schedule changes in the slightest, all hell breaks loose and I just kinda throw my hands up in the air in defeat.

My dad lost his job in November and was out of work until the end of February. Since then I have stopped working out (he is like a vampire, sucking away all energy and will to do anything, even my mom feels it). Plus he has very different eating habits, so every day (like 6 time a week at minimum) I was getting fast food or restaurant food, because my dad hates to eat alone. I also lost my pet. And moved. And gained 13 pounds....

SO I understand. But this time I am starting small. Focusing on just doing something physical, like yoga for a couple of minutes (and that lovely squat challenge via tumblr). I am also eating at home now, and focusing on food more than working out right now, because I know that is my down fall.

Slow and slower are my mottos on getting back on the band wagon.

Good luck with getting back to everything "spark-y" (not to be confused with your dog). Have a good one!

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WHOVIANGIRL23 4/9/2013 12:07PM

    You can do it. At least you're realizing this. Remember how much "just a few pounds gained back" turned into 53 lbs? I don't want it to happen to you. You are a wonderful person and we are all here for you!

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 4/9/2013 10:19AM

    Rooting for you. I lost about 40lbs- yay but because I didn't nip my emotional eating in the bud am almost back to my starting weight. Don't let that happen to you.

It doesn't feel good. It hurts that all of that effort was lost in a matter of months. All of those clothes that were once so loose you were about to dip into a lower size no longer fits, in fact you can't even close it. The comfort food got me through the rough patches but now I'm paying the price. You've made such great progress- keep at it:)

Be strong, you can do it. Get back in there and keep trying. Every good choice counts.

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BEANIES_MOM 4/9/2013 4:11AM

    emoticon

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LINDASWEIGHT612 4/9/2013 2:54AM

    I know how you feel and what you are going though! This is not an easy journey, if it was we would all look like twigs! I too have a horrible fast food addiction as well as soda, mt.dew is a huge one for me. I have been on and off of here more times then consistently on, and I will gain 10 say I'm done, lose 5 then slip and fall and not get back up for a month or so. I have found this awesome website that you can set up to have text messages sent to you, or emails if you prefer in the future so you can send yourself reminders. I currently have set it up every day twice a day one in the morning telling me to get off my butt and do something and one at night telling me to get on here. And I have done it in the past via email and did find that it helped a lot. I think with the text messages, it will help me more. I don't have a fibbit but I do have a suggestion about that. If you have a smart phone there is an app called runkeeper, and it tracks your walks/runs by GPS. I find it motivating because I want to know how far I've walked, and then you can upload the information to facebook if you want, and I found as well that the calories they say you burn pretty much match up with the ones SP say you did at the same time so it's got to be generally correct. I also found an app today that you can monitor your heart rate on which I also think is pretty cool. I know the fibbit probably has all that information together, but until you find yours there is another way! I would love to be you buddy if you would let me. I have found that text buddies are awesome in keeping you motivated and awesome at cheering you on. If you want let me know and I will send you my number


Don't get discouraged you can do this and you are amazing down 60 lbs that is no small thing!!!

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BETHIEBOOPS 4/9/2013 2:38AM

    1. I am so proud of you for writing this blog. It's so much easier to slinky off into the distance get fat and grow old.

2. Way to man up to your troubles. Recognising them as what they are is such a brave thing to do. You are a very self aware person and I think that makes these types of recognisations even harder on a person.

3. Yes! Ease into this. Small steps = victory. Can I also suggest, in love, that you stop looking at the scale for a little bit? Not long, just shift your focus from weight loss to health improvement. I'll make a suggestion, but you must do what you feel is best for you! I think you need to make this FUN again. I like little "detox" plans with goals and tasks to focus on during the day. For example: Maybe spend the next 2 weeks in a "detox"- Monday we drink a crapload of water, Tuesday we watch for 5-8 servings of veggies and fruit, Wednesday we focus on getting Sparky on his walk and doing one extra thing for activity, Thursday we prep our meals for the week ahead, Friday, we journal our thoughts, etc. Maybe by giving yourself small goals during the day will help make this fun again. I think that all the emotional crap you've had to deal with has really stolen your joy, and you gotta find that again! Think about taking Sparky to the park and bringing along your favourite soul refreshing book, or something, to rejuvenate your spirit this week?

We so often think of this as a physical weightloss journey, but it's SO much more than that. It's about your soul growth, your emotional journey (hell, it's not easy going from 'invisible' to hottie) and your human growth as a person, just as much as it is about going from X lbs to Y lbs. It's all linked. It's possible to have one without the other, but in terms of weightloss, I personally, don't think it's possible to lose so much weight, stay the same, and keep it off.

You've changed girl. You're just catching up to yourself. Trust who you've become- she knows how to make good choices, how to motivate herself, and where to make ridiculously awesome cat memes. You know how in science class our teachers would talk about homeostasis, and how our bodies/things in nature like to stay in balance, unchanged? That's all this is, the fight to let new Steph be who she wants to be, not who she was before.

*hugs*

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WEBEZE 4/9/2013 2:27AM

    You can do this. Hopefully getting it out helped you feel better. I feel your pain and have gained 7 pounds myself. I won't burden you with my troubles as you have your own right now, but just know you are not alone. I too have felt lately like throwing in the towel, but my spark friends keep me trying.
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BARBARAROCKSIT 4/8/2013 11:31PM

    Wow! You are sooo close to onederland ! Which is not the point of your blog but it's what I noticed right away. Hard not to look that direction and wonder if part of your fear is about that. Just a thought.

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I know you realize that exercise will improve your mood -

and taking Sparky for a walk tomorrow sounds like an awesome way to start your updated plan!

hope you find your fitbit!

emoticon .. emoticon .. emoticon



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JACOBSBELOVED 4/8/2013 11:23PM

    You poor thing. I just feel for you so much right now. I think we've all been where you're at and it SUCKS.

You seem aware of what you're doing and that's important. You're admitting to yourself that you're dissatisfied with what you're doing and I think that can go a long way. It's hard when you disappoint yourself, and you can be harder on yourself than anyone else can be (and I mean everyone does this).

I think if you keep logging in to SP, that will really help. I think it would be difficult to gain back all the weight if you're still on SP and involved. I think it's when people log off and disappear for a few months is when they gain the weight back.

I really think you can do it. You've hit a rough patch, and that's perfectly fine, but I think things will improve in your life and you'll find the motivation and the push you've been looking for to continue with your weight loss journey.

We're all here if you need us. :)

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CORTNEY-LEE 4/8/2013 11:08PM

    Emotional eating is, for lack of a better term, a bi**h. You are not alone - I struggle with it all of the time.Sometimes I win, sometimes the cookies/cakes/chips or whatever wins. I wish I had more words of wisdom for you.

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Struggling, Maintaining-ish, and Trying To Survive...

Wednesday, April 03, 2013



emoticonDisclaimer: Usually I am a huge fan of the tough love "just get off your butt and do it!", but I don't need that right now. Trust me, I am hard enough on myself at this point, and I am feeling pretty delicate, so if you're comment was going to be "Stop being lazy and get it done", that really isn't going to help me right now. emoticon

It's no surprise that I'm struggling. The scale is back up between 212-215. I am desperately trying not to let it go above 215. I do not want to slip back in the 220's.

I have a lot on my plate right now, and I know that is no excuse. Everyone has problems, things to deal with, struggles, and some people still get it done, and some crumble under the pressure. I am trying to find the in between. I am trying to deal with my stuff without packing back on the pounds, yet I am definitely being honest when I say I am not pushing towards my goal.

There are huge changes at work... they are remodeling which leaves us to dispatch in a tiny trailer, which is not fun. That is the smallest of my problems btw. ;) The others are so personal that I am not going in depth on those.

Sheldon (my dog) isn't doing well, and I know I am going to have to take him to have him put down soon. It breaks my heart.

The other struggles are super personal, I had put the gist of it in my status updates, I ended a friendship with someone I had known 12 years. I completely ended things with "the boy", found some closure but I am still healing. So many changes, and I am not a fan of change.

I am going to say this, and I don't need any comments about "don't settle, you need to keep pushing"... I am not giving up and I am not settling... but this is the thing. I feel OKAY at this weight. Now hear what I said, I feel OKAY. I will not settle for okay, I want to feel great. And while I don't know what my magical "I feel great" weight is going to be, I know it lies within Onederland though and I will find out in time. I feel so much better at this weight because it is the lowest I have been in years. I was 19 and 205... and it was downhill from there. So even getting back near that at age 27 is a huge accomplishment. So while I feel better in comparison, I know it isn't where I want to stay in the long term.

I have fallen out of tracking my food which is something I had always done, no matter how bad the calories were. So I am going to work on getting back to that. I need to get back on top of my walking at work and all of those things.

Working in the trailer threw a wrench in my food plan because I am no longer allowed to get up 6 times a day to go make food to eat my small meals. That is not possible and this is a situation I will be in for several months. I really feel like I am reevaluating everything. My life, my weight loss journey, my friends... it is a scary and unsure time for me but I am trying not to fall into the pit of despair. I don't want my next blog to be 3 months from now and me telling you I am 250 pounds.

I am not giving up, even in my hardest times I have still managed to not go above 215 and I want to at least get back to 210 and if I hang around there I hang around there.

I also made the executive decision to take my Ipod from my parents. I am nowhere near 199 and it's not coming any time soon. And now dispatching out of a freakin trailer I really need that damn thing for my sanity. You can judge me if you want, but I dropped the 300 bucks on it, it's been collecting dust almost 4 months and I'm just over it.

I am proud of the fact that I haven't shot back up into the 220's and my focus is just back to tracking, but my focus is also in other areas of my life and I have to do what is best for me. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEATHERFREE 4/8/2013 2:41PM

    Right now I feel the SAME as you do! That I feel okay right here where I've gotten to so far and I am working on other things until I can get my head back in the game. I hope you can get back on your tracking because I believe it will save you alot of possible gaining. I weighed today and had a two pound gain I'm one pound away from the dreaded 230 and it makes me so angry but if I can just get myself to never go up to 230 and above during this hard time then I will make it through! I know you will get to your goal one day and really we are so much better then our fat girl sides, we aren't the same people we used to be and that will never be taken from us


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MRSBEDWELL 4/8/2013 11:32AM

    At least you see what's going on! Maybe you can make healthy snacks and keep them at your desk. At least that could help with the food part. I was really bad about not tracking when I was binging, but I told myself "it takes 2 minutes" and if I see it at least I own it! You can do this! Good luck!
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LISAN0415 4/7/2013 3:43AM

    I just wanted to say so sorry for all the difficulties you are going through- You desrve nothing but happiness, I truly want to believe that it's always darkest right before the sun rises, so I am hoping strongly that some positive things are coming your way!

The changes you have made are difficult ones, but the best for you, cutting out toxic things and bringing in things that make you happy are only going to lead to more happiness :)

But, I am so so so sorry about Sheldon, that breaks my heart too, I know how difficult it is to lose a treasured pet. You have been lucky to have such a great companion, and he has been so lucky to have you as his caretaker and family.

Best wishes to you! We are all here for you, even if you have to vent- we've all been there!
-Lisa

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JACOBSBELOVED 4/6/2013 12:38AM

    Ah, Steph, I am so sorry for everything.

I feel for you so much for your struggles with Sheldon. You of course know my beloved Ruby just passed away, so I feel your pain so much. I thankfully didn't have to make that difficult decision about putting her down, so I can't imagine the heartbreak that comes with that. Pets are your family and are more dependable than most people. I feel so incredibly bad for you.

I'm sorry the scale got back up to the teens. You're going through so much right now and that's the last thing you want to see.

When you say you're "Okay with the weight I'm at", I get it. You seem to be more accepting of your body (yay!) and you're just feeling more comfortable with how your body feels after losing so much weight (please correct me if I'm wrong!). Not to mention there seems to be more going on in your life right now than normal, and losing weight may not be a priority right now like it usually is.

Don't try to please people by doing what they think you should be doing at this time. Do what you think is best for you.

I hope things start looking up for you soon. This seems like so much to deal with right now and hopefully it only gets better from here.

I'm also sorry I just now saw this blog. You're so diligent in keeping up with mine but it took me a few days to see yours. I'm vowing to being a better SP friend. :)

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ZELDABEE 4/5/2013 9:00AM

    I'm right there with you and I'm so proud of you. You've come so far and it's amazing, sometimes i think we lose track of how far we've come because we are too busy looking ahead and we forget to live our lives. I'm so sorry to hear about Sheldon, I can't imagine how difficult that is right now - sending puppy love to you both. I'll just end off with this, your amazing - that is all.

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EATVEGAN 4/5/2013 1:07AM

    Just be kind to yourself. No matter what you're dealing with, you'll get it straightened out. I have faith in you. If you just need to take time to figure it out, do it. It's all about YOU. emoticon

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AHTRAP 4/5/2013 12:33AM

    just keep in mind, even when everything is trying to make it the furthest thing from your mind, that it's a lot more work to get rid of it than it is putting it on. Your head's got to be in the right place, just don't get too lost in those mental stormclouds that suddenly came from the horizon to IN YOUR FACE.

And one way to avoid that "what have i done" blog? Keep scribbling in this space, even if you don't feel like it. Even if it makes you put up with some of us when you really don't want to. You never know, one of us might have that phrase or thought that might help you turn things around.

Assuming, of course, that things ever need to get turned around, rather than minorly adjusted. I'm betting on the latter, actually.


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CORTNEY-LEE 4/4/2013 8:39PM

    I wish you the best my friend!



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JESSICA_STULTZ 4/4/2013 8:37PM

    Nobody's weight loss journey is perfect. Don't let anybody get you down. Even if you do gain a couple pounds, it will come off again. I've also become comfortable with my weight. I feel ok with where I am sitting.. but I really want to lose more. I can't, for the life of me, find the motivation to lose more! For awhile I was just forcing myself to do it, whether or not I wanted to.. and I can't even get myself to do that lately! Hope things get better for you soon so you can get back to trucking towards your goals!

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AZULVIOLETA6 4/4/2013 4:20PM

    Right there with you. I've had some health problems lately that have kept me from exercising, along with a major family crisis and some work stress. I was out of town for about a month living in a hotel, and the free snacks were way too much temptation. I jumped from 208 back up to 218...grrr. I'm back down to 212 just by being very careful with my eating, but goodness it is frustrating! I think that you just have to take it day by day and do the best that you can until you are ready to full-on attack the issue again.

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PRETTYPITHY 4/4/2013 2:03PM

    It sounds like you are actually doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances. Good luck with tracking -- as you already know, it really does make a huge difference! emoticon

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ATTACKFATCAT 4/4/2013 1:21PM

    I am so sorry for all that you are going through. It sounds like you are dealing with change in just about every aspect of your life, and when that happens, it is really difficult to focus on weight loss. There is no need to beat yourself up about trying to lose more weight with all of that going on, and don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.

Life isn't always just chugging along in a straight line while we try to lose weight. It had it's curves and twists and you just have to learn to roll with it in the best way possible to take care of yourself. Sometimes, that means weight loss can't take 1st priority. Like you said, that doesn't mean you can just eat with wild abandon. If you are really OK with taking a pause (not "settling", I hate that word), then use this time to really hone in on what you've learned. Focus on continuing healthy habits where you can, like walking your pup and eating as healthy as you can. All of these things will help with your stress levels and how you feel about yourself as you go through all the craziness in your life right now. Maintaining your current weight loss is just as important a goal as it is to lose weight. So don't beat yourself up about it. Just focus on what's best for you right now and don't let weight loss add to the stress in your life.

I went through a divorce, dating, juggling a full-time job with full-time graduate school, and student teaching. During that time, I basically had to stop focusing on losing weight and maintain. I managed to keep all but 10 pounds off of what I had originally lost. I am really proud that I did that and I knew I hadn't given up. I knew I would get to my goal weight one day, it just would take a little longer than expected. In fact, that pause taught me a lot of patience when it comes to weight loss, which I think is something we all struggle with.

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XANGELSTEARZX 4/4/2013 8:58AM

    emoticon

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AMCLELLAN 4/4/2013 8:35AM

    I believe we all need time to take care of ourselves sometimes, even in a journey of taking care of ourselves by losing weight. I know that is confusing, but it is okay to take care of other life issues. You know how to do this, so just do what you need to do. This is your journey, you life, no one elses. When you started down this road you weren't given a map, you weren't shown exactly what twists and turns were along the way. So it's okay to slow down and figure things out. Some things that happen are unforseeable. Like a tree that just falls on a road.

No matter how long it takes, you will reach your goals. Take your time to get yourself back to the place you need to be. Remember, you are better today than you were one year ago. That is important to remember. Maintaining, even within a range, is better than gaining a bunch. I know you won't just sit down and give up. You got this. I have faith in you, and I know you do to.

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MARYBETH4884 4/4/2013 8:14AM

    I think you are on the right track. Literally, get back to your tracking, you wil know how your journey is going good or bad. With tracking it is something you can be in control of! Sounds like work is out of your control so focus on tracking. It isn't a problem to maintain for a while and then when life calms down get back to losing. You will be in my prayers on your personal issue. Take a walk in the wonderful spring weather it will help clear your head and help refresh your soul!

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WEBEZE 4/4/2013 3:08AM

    It saddens me to hear you are struggling with so much right now. I am right there with you with my own struggles. Things will eventually turn around for the better and working on maintaining is a great goal right now. It is so easy to throw in the towel and start heading in the opposite direction. It is awesome that you are digging in and making the best of things and holding steady. I am proud of you. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BETHIEBOOPS 4/4/2013 2:31AM

    Oh sweetie! My heart is sad for you. I'm so sorry about all the things you are going through at the moment. It's a lot! We're here to support you, not condemn you, and it's okay to not be doing awesome. It's okay to have seasons where you are fallible. Control is simply an illusion anyway! I think that Life evaluation is a natural part of "growing up" especially as we start to decide what sort of life we want to have- but that doesn't make it easy. Make sure you're talking to someone about all the stuff happening in your life. A friend can be really helpful in "sharing the burden". A lot of churches offer free counseling too- maybe having someone separate from your day to day life would be helpful?

This too shall pass my friend. *hugs*

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DUMBBELLE84 4/4/2013 2:18AM

  You seem pretty self-aware so all I will offer you is my support and some hugs, to be used as needed. Keep us posted, beautiful lady. I only wish I'd had your determination when I was down and out the last 2 months.

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JUDY106 4/4/2013 12:31AM

    i understand what yo are talking about. I got really sick with virus and bronchitis. i am still trying to get over it. i was too sick to even stay up long enough to track my food. Now i start every morning and by the end of the day i am not doing to. I always tracked my food. I am working on my hubby's business recorders for taxes. I am doing the book keeping that I should of done all through the year, but now have to get it done by next week. I am not pigging out but not doing as good as I should be. I am not exercising because I am spending all my time sitting and doing the book keeping. I know better. I am not going to give up. i just got to get the paper work done and get back on track. I will do it and i know you will do it too. Hugs, Judy

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IMSOOZEEQ 4/4/2013 12:16AM

    Well I could say Whoa wait a minute but I am not going to do that. Although I don't know specifically what you are dealing with in all these cases, I know that you are still in the game and that you are not giving up. You know that the main thing is that you do what you need to do for YOU! The moment that we begin to try to do everything to please all the people around us or even on here, the road gets too muddled to travel. Take some time for YOU!

I support you! emoticon emoticon

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STARSUB99 4/3/2013 9:58PM

    Be kind to yourself when things are not as you would like them to be. You will adjust to the changes at work and in your life - it will take many tears and many deep sighs but you are smart and you will figure it all out. We are here to listen and support you.
Give yourself time. I'm so sad for you and your dog - I've had to put pets down and it is absolutely heart wrenching.
I think you are smart to get your ipod - you need some sanity and that will help you tune in and tune out when needed.
And if it helps - journal your thoughts - talk to a friend - and be gentle with your soul - times like these are tough on good people like you.
Big hugs.
take care.
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THESHELBSTER 4/3/2013 9:38PM

    I love you and I am always so proud of you and I think you are amazing. You are dealing with a lot and in spite of that you are still maintaining and not just throwing in the towel and undoing all of your hard work. Many people would have just said to hell with it and given this whole thing up. You haven't done that and I know you never will. I think you are awesome.

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KCHRISTY6 4/3/2013 9:30PM

  You do have quite a bit going on! What you describe is certainly no fun - I guess I can't speak to having to work in a satellite trailer per se, but I do share 2 things with you - I "broke up" with a friend of almost 10 years and I also had to put down my 12 year old dog (a perfect dog and my best friend ever) last year and I still cry at the thought of it. I'm doing okay without the friend, but losing my dog still hurts like crazy! Anyway, what I wanted to say is that since you feel "okay" at your current weight, it might be okay to NOT focus on it right now - just for a bit. I'm not suggesting tossing all care to the wind, but just shift your focus. Re-evaluate your life. Listen to your Ipod (maybe even go on a walk while listening to it). Love your dog while you can. I can guarantee that it will be time well spent. (I still did my workouts every day when I knew my girl didn't have much time left and I kick myself nearly every day for not spending that time with her). I wish you luck and peace.
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Things R Lookin' Up, Weight Is Going Down...

Monday, March 25, 2013



It has only been a few short days since my last blog, but things are looking up! Things aren't back up to the standards of emoticon's and emoticon's, but of course that will take some time. emoticon

TMI Alert: I really think PMS had made everything worse the last couple of days. My emotions were real, but I really think they were at the extreme because of the hormones.

In the past few days I have gained control of my eating, implemented a new eating plan, but I am only using it as a guideline and am adding in things and doing what I need to do to meet my own calorie requirements.

I've kept up the exercise, but I almost feel like I'm getting my groove back for WANTING to exercise, ALMOST. emoticon

I am in the process of "letting the boy go"... it is harder than I thought but it would have been harder to do it later on. He knows I am done but I guess in some ways I am still mourning that loss a bit.

There is a new boy as seen in my status updates lol, I met him on a dating site and was a little reluctant to meet him because meeting new people like that causes me a lot of anxiety... But I don't continue to talk to people if I don't think they are genuinely nice guys, and while some slip through the cracks, the fact that he made it to the meeting stage speaks volumes.

We went out on Friday and we were just supposed to have a quick coffee date, but he ended up taking me to dinner and he paid which was very sweet. YES, at the age of 27, that is the FIRST time I have had someone buy me dinner. emoticon I had one other guy offer but when I said "are you sure, I can pay my half" he said okay and looked relieved LOL. I said the same to "new boy" but he said "No, I'm sure, I want to." So that was very nice. He was very polite, he opened all the doors for me, he walked me all the way back to my car which was way farther than his. When we said goodbye he asked if I wanted to do it again. He then texted me when he got home and said he had fun then told me it was the "best date he's been on so far". He texted me Saturday, and even told me good night when he went to bed. He wanted to see me today (asked yesterday) but I couldn't because of my work schedule. Yesterday he also told me I was pretty. emoticon I can't remember the last time a boy told me I was pretty... He talked to me today and told me goodnight...

I begged "the boy" (the original) to text me good night because in his line of work it is a dangerous job if you get where I'm going with that, and so that I would know he was okay and made it home safely, but he wouldn't do it. Just in the matter of 3 days this new boy has treated me so much better than I have ever been treated. I am not one to get super excited about a new person very quickly, but I am trying to give this guy a very fair chance. It is a twisted emotion because while I am happy he is treating me so well, it is also very depressing to see just how poorly "the boy" was treating me the past 6 months. It is a lot to take in, but I am working on it.

All in all, I am glad to be doing well with my food and trying to just work on being my happy self again. I bloated my way up to about 215 and the scale is finally coming back down so I hope to see 209 again soon and onward to Onederland. Yeah yeah, I know, I've been wanting to reach Onederland since October, but I still keep wishing and pushing, one day it'll all come together. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LISAN0415 3/31/2013 4:12PM

    So happy for you that things are looking up!!!

Oh my goodness, when I am pre-menstral, my appetite is out of control for some reason!

BUT it's better than the alternatives right now: pregnancy or menopause, LOL

Lisa

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DUMBBELLE84 3/26/2013 8:08PM

  Oh sweetie, I am so glad to hear that you KNOW you deserve better than (the original). I'm really happy that things are starting to look up for you. Enjoy the rest of your week!

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NIKKICOLE83 3/26/2013 12:00PM

    When I got back into the dating scene after being in a relationship for 12 years, I had to quickly learn what I would and would not tolerate and be okay with cutting off a guy quickly if he could not meet the expectations. I wouldn't be rude about it, I would be honest. "It doesn't seem that you are willing to give me what I need right now and I don't want to waste either of our times. It was nice meeting you, thanks for hanging out, I wish you the best." And I would tell a guy immediately if something he did or said didn't sit well with me. At first I felt like a huge bitch but I kept telling myself, If he is worth it, he will be willing to try harder. I am now getting married to one of those guys because he respected my boundaries and stepped his game up. You deserve everything this man is giving you and it should become an expectation for him or any other guy going forward.

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JACOBSBELOVED 3/25/2013 11:53PM

    I think I like "the new boy"! He sounds super sweet and very gentlemanly. There aren't too many guys out there anymore that are respectful and considerate. I'm very anxious to see where this goes. :D

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JUSTLIKEALICE 3/25/2013 10:27PM

    Yay! I like nice boys. And Onderland is just a hop away. It isn't going anywhere. You focus on you, and the journey. We will get there when we get there (and it won't be that much longer!) I'm so glad things are looking up and I'm sorry the previous boy couldn't get his act together. He has no idea what he is missing.

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WEBEZE 3/25/2013 9:41PM

    Glad to hear things are looking up. You deserve to be treated like a princess and I am glad to hear the new boy is treating you well. emoticon

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JESSICA_STULTZ 3/25/2013 7:24PM

    I've missed alot lately because I've been so busy.. but I am glad to see you seem to have found a sweet "boy!" Sometimes we don't see how bad things were until we are treated better. You deserve the compliments and deserve a good guy. So here's to hoping he is the one! And you are right, you will see Onederland soon. They always say that you are more likely to keep it off if it is achieved slowly.. so we'll just assume that will be the case right?? I think I will always remember how hard it was to lose weight and that will make it impossible for me to hit my high weight again.. or anywhere near it for that matter!

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STARSUB99 3/25/2013 6:43PM

    Glad to hear you're spending time with a guy who is treating you right = you so deserve a sweet man who opens doors for you and treats you with respect! So happy for you! Keep us posted - its always easier to stay on track when good things are coming your way - may this be another boost to get you where you want to be. emoticon

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ATTACKFATCAT 3/25/2013 11:28AM

    It's kind of scary when you find a guy who will treat you with the respect that you DESERVE. It's ok to be a little cautious, even if you know this time is different. And just think about how far you've come. Yes, you may have dealt with the "old boy's" shenanigans a little longer than you should've, but you finally decided enough is enough and put your foot down. Many people end up staying in relationships like that for years because they aren't ready to stand up for themselves or think they'll ever find anything better. I know because I was one of them. And when those bad relationships were over, I still made a few mistakes while dating. But the level of disrespect I would tolerate kept going lower and lower each time. Now I'm with someone that treats me like I should be treated and I couldn't be happier. It just takes time to find someone like that (You gotta kiss a lot of frogs, lol). But I am THRILLED that you went out with him and he does sound like a good guy. YAY!

I'm also glad to hear that you're back on track with food and (hopefully) exercise. I'm sure Sparky doesn't want to miss out on his walks!

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GRACEMCC45 3/25/2013 10:45AM

    This new fella is sounding super sweet! Glad to hear he's treating you well and you are getting back on track!

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BETHIEBOOPS 3/25/2013 10:36AM

    emoticon Oh yay!! I'm so glad for you! I totally get the "mourning" process... it's okay to go through it- and it might take a little while to really feel "over" it. Remember to forgive "the boy" nad yourself when you need to. I always got so cross with myself because I allowed xyz to happen. But you know what? You did the best you could with what you had. It's over. Lesson learned.

Happy endings are possible, and while they may or may not be with this new interest, you deserve to be treated as well as can be. And speaking as your friend, remember you don't have to reward him with "favours" for treating you well... if you know what I mean. You deserve to be treated well because you are an interesting, kind, caring person- not just for what he can "get out of it". Don't let yourself fall in that trap! :) Not that you would, just that this is a temptation that catches so many lovely ladies!

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KJELLYBEAN15 3/25/2013 8:49AM

    Wow, this new boy sounds interesting. I hope it goes well with you. Great job on the losses. Keep it up. You are doing good.

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LRSILVER 3/25/2013 7:32AM

    Glad things are better.

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AMCLELLAN 3/25/2013 7:29AM

    Soooooo happy for you!!!! Hope things keep going in the right direction!!!!

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BEANIES_MOM 3/25/2013 6:07AM

    emoticon

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JMOSESRN 3/25/2013 4:43AM

    Glad to know things are looking up emoticon

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GHOSTFLAMES 3/25/2013 4:38AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KLMEIRING 3/25/2013 4:17AM

    emoticon

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One Year Later... Still Trying... The Good, The Bad & The Ugly...

Thursday, March 21, 2013


I had really been looking forward to this day, but it has ended up coming at a time where I am REALLY REALLY struggling. I have been on Spark off and on since 2009, but March 20, 2012 I came back and got serious. I started that day at 262, 10 pounds down from my highest weight, and I have gotten as low as 209. But am currently sitting back at about 212.

I am going through a very rough patch, and I can't sit here and pretend that everything is emoticon's and emoticon's when it's not. I had hoped to be sitting here at a much lower weight, preferably in Onederland, but sometimes things don't go as planned.

For total disclosure, I was eating VERY poorly before Vegas, I ate terribly in Vegas and that pattern has continued after I got back, with a visit from TOM. It is no shock that I have gone from 209 back up to 212...My good buddy did remind me that sometimes a little bit of weight coming back is the reality check that we need to remind ourselves of what needs to be done.

I have been stuck at 212 since Halloween, and when I finally got under it I was so happy, but then started sabotaging myself... I know there is a part of me that is truly scared to lose this weight. I have admitted it before, and as I approach Onederland it is really becoming a reality that I CAN accomplish what I set out to do and it scares me. I know there was some physical stuff that my body was truly at a plateau for some time and it wouldn't budge no matter what I did... I think my body has overcome the physical hurdles and now it is the mental hurdles that are blocking me from reaching my goals.

I have a lot of personal stuff going on, and boys have a lot to do with it. It really kills me that I allow a boy, and my emotions to mess up my weight loss journey. It is not an excuse, I have full control and I am the one that ALLOWS this to happen, but it frustrates me that I do that. I know better, there are times I feel like I have learned a lot and come long way... and then there are times where I feel like I am back to square one.

I am trying to take the boy situation into my own hands, and because I am single I need to really start trying to date and meet people. It is so hard for me, I let my weight and more importantly HOW I FEEL about my weight hold me back. But I keep sitting on the couch and letting life pass me by, and I really need to get my act together. I will most likely be meeting a brand new boy on Friday if all goes according to plan, and that causes me a great deal of stress, anxiety and also a bit of sadness that despite the situation with "the boy", I am still very single.

I am sorry that this blog is such a downer, I am just in a pretty bad place right now and that is why this blog is the way this is. When I envisioned writing this months ago I intended it to be a super happy blog with all sorts of accomplishments, but that just isn't how I'm feeling today.

To try and end on a brighter note emoticon, this is the longest I have tried to lose weight without giving up. Despite being in a bad place and regaining some weight, I am not throwing in the towel. I am still walking at work and walking Sparky faithfully emoticon... I have kept off 60 pounds total (50 pounds from this past year) successfully and keeping off ANY amount of weight is a huge deal for me. I am ready for more, I am ready to dig myself out of the rut, but any positive energy you could throw my way would be really appreciated during this difficult time. emoticon I am so thankful for all my Spark Friends, you are the reason I am here and not giving up. I LOVE YOU ALL, but quick special shout outs to Susan, Shelby, Alyssa, Elizabeth, Heather, Grace, Michelle and just well, EVERYONE because you are all seriously amazing! emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTLIKEALICE 3/25/2013 10:29PM

    Don't you ever forget how awesome you are.

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IMSOOZEEQ 3/23/2013 11:23PM

    okay so I could just do the emoticon emoticon emoticon thing but you know me, I have more to say than that. You are NOT trying to do this thing, you are doing it! Look at what you wrote...You have lost 60 pounds! That isn't trying, that is doing! Don't be gettin' it twisted! You are an inspiration to me and to so many others. Yes, you have struggled and are having a hard time right now but you are keeping at it. You are taking things head on and becoming more confident and now you are stepping out of your comfort zone and going on a date! That is doing it! I am not sure if I even want emoticon's & emoticon 's lol!!!

You have had an incredible year and your next year is going to see Onederland and the GOAL line! Cue the emoticon !!!

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GRACEMCC45 3/23/2013 5:12PM

    What a great summation of your year - I only have one issue with it... the title.

One year later and still *trying*? You are past the point of trying Stephanie - you are succeeding! Your biggest fear going into this was that you would give up around the same time you always did. You passed that and are still going strong (especially with the exercise) and you need to see that as your biggest success!

You are doing so amazing!

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NIKKICOLE83 3/22/2013 12:35PM

    A three pound gain is manageable. Considering that this weight loss journey never ends, only changes, there are going to be times in your life when you have a gain. Look at the big picture. Are you going to do something different than you did last week so you don't gain anymore? If so, dust your shoulders off and treat it as a week in one of the many weeks of your life and get past it. I wish you the best.


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EATVEGAN 3/22/2013 1:24AM

    You add the end of your blog as if it's a throwaway line. Don't you realize you have accomplished an amazing thing? Not only that, you have been maintaining it for months. Forget about boys for now. Don't let that run your life. Concentrate on you, the boy situation will take care of itself. One day the right one will come along and go "wow!" And you'll wonder why you let the situation bother you. Just go on being the amazing person you are and someone will notice. Maybe more than one. emoticon

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PIPPAMOUSE 3/21/2013 11:11PM

    emoticon emoticon

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STARSUB99 3/21/2013 3:54PM

    Good for you for sticking with your goals even when the going gets tough. And boys will be boys... they will come and they will go - and eventually a great one will stay forever with you. Remember to be good to yourself first. Remember to treat yourself with love and respect and the rest will all fall into place.

You are worth every ounce of effort you put into making you a better person - inside and out. It is a journey - keep going forward... all kinds of wonderful things and people will find you along the way - and you will find your way.....to peace and happiness ....
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WEBEZE 3/21/2013 3:35PM

    Congrats on sticking with it for 1 year. 50lbs gone is awesome. I have been stuck on my plateau since mid October and can't seem to shake it either. Going to have to completely rethink what I have been doing. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result and that is what I have been doing. Going to have to try something completely different to get unstuck just not sure what that is but I am going to keep trying. We can do this. I have faith that you will reach and maintain your goal.

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PRETTYPITHY 3/21/2013 11:48AM

    The drama with boys is a downer but don't let that, or anything else, stop you from reveling in the full scope of your accomplishment! You have kept off 60 POUNDS! You have been on your journey for a YEAR! These are amazing things and I'm very proud of you.

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ATTACKFATCAT 3/21/2013 11:13AM

    Congrats on your year and all you have accomplished in that time! Trust me, keeping the weight off is just as important as losing it. You have built up a lot of internal strength this year as well. The fight you've endured during your weight loss journey has made you stronger and better able to handle the stuff life throws at you. But keep in mind that even though you're stronger, you're not SuperWoman who can kick life's a** at every turn. Even SuperWoman has days where she's not at her best and times that she struggles. But getting through this rough time will be what makes you even stronger and more able to tackle other challenges in your life.

As for "the boy"...dating (and relationships) should be a compliment to your life. It shouldn't wind up causing you to pause your life and your goals in order to do it. You want to feel confident, sexy, and independent when you get out in the dating world, and what better way to do that than to stick to healthy eating and exercise? I know when I've had a great workout and I've eaten well, I feel strong, confident, and ready to beat the boys off with a baseball bat emoticon

A relationship should always be a wonderful addition to your life. If it's derailing you from your goals, then it's toxic and not worth having around. I used to hate being alone and would let the latest boy completely take over every aspect of my life. Now, being single still feels a bit lonely sometimes. I know that very well. And I do love B and we have had a great relationship. BUT...if I had to go back to being single, I know I'd be OK and I would focus on myself and my own happiness, which will be there with or without a guy in my life.

I know you don't want life to pass you by, but having a guy in your life does not mean that it won't continue to do so if he's not the RIGHT guy for you at the RIGHT time. Don't feel like you have to get out there and date if you don't feel mentally up to it yet because you are pressuring yourself to do so. I'm not saying dating doesn't cause some jitters and some anxiousness, but it shouldn't be stressing you out so much. There will still be good men out there whenever you decide to start dating. It may feel like it, but they are not going to all be snapped up in the next 6 months.

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TIMELAG 3/21/2013 10:47AM

    emoticon on sticking with this for a whole year! You have come so far. I know you are feeling a bunch of emotions right now, many of them negative, but please don't forget what you have accomplished! I doubt if there's anyone out there who has lost a significant amount of weight with it all being emoticon s & emoticon s. If this was easy, none of us would be overweight!

You've got this, Steph. I believe in you! And whatever boy you choose to spend time with is damn lucky! If he doesn't realize that, he's not worth it.

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KJELLYBEAN15 3/21/2013 9:43AM

    Hey, you are 50/60 pounds less than you would have been had you never started. That is awesome. Please tell me that you haven't forgotten how much work went into each and every one of those pounds! Dont get hung up on the what-ifs or could have beens. Sure you could have avoided a splurge or treat and could have stayed strong and kept losing instead of slowing down. But THIS IS part of the process. And you are NEVER alone. I hit the 40 pound loss back in November, ate a slighly higher calorie dinner that started me off on bad eating habits all over again. I was pretty much ruined til end of the year. I still haven't recovered completely. But you know what? I am here. Struggling too.

If we weren't struggling, it would mean anything to us. We struggle because we want it. We struggle because we haven't given up yet. I know I am not giving up. Keep struggling my dear.


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PRIZM96 3/21/2013 9:35AM

    YOU got this, Girl! You have done amazing things! Losing and KEEPING OFF 60lbs is NO small feat!! CONGRATULATIONS & GREAT JOB!! We all fall into these little ruts and sometimes it takes a hand to pull you out or a foot kicking you in the butt, but nevertheless, we do tend to see ourselves out of them. Keep fightin' the good fight! This next year of Spark, is all you, Baby! :-)

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ROSE284 3/21/2013 9:33AM

    Congratulations on losing and keeping 60lbs off. That is a massive achievement, well done.

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RISINGBLUESTAR 3/21/2013 9:16AM

    First of all, this is your blog. Blogs are for sharing the positive and the down days so no need to apologize at all.

Keeping 60 lbs off is awesome! Look at how far you have come. Not how far you have to go. In time, you will get there. No matter how much you plan, sometimes life just has a different idea and we have to learn how to handle the situations that don't go our way. Way easier said than done.

No matter how much weight we lose, a lot of us have to work on our self esteem and confidence. Focus on yourself and your health & never allow a guy or anyone for that matter to bring you down. Another thing that is easier said an done but you don't need a guy for validation. Your awesome single or not! Now, you just have to believe it.

Recognizing your issues is half of the battle sometimes. Keep pushing and remember you CAN reach your goals.

Good luck.

:)


Comment edited on: 3/25/2013 8:16:38 AM

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CHICAT63 3/21/2013 8:59AM

    emoticon you have done AWESOME do not let the "boys" bring you down or deter you from Onderland. I know easier said than done, I have done it a couple of times over in my lifetime. Don't be scared of putting yourself out there, if it doesn't click and don't settle either - You deserve much more !!!! In a year you have lost 50 pounds and kept it off, Onderland is a coming for you..... emoticon emoticon

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CLHENDY1 3/21/2013 8:13AM

    Congrats! You should be so proud of yourself for sticking with it all this time. Everyone has their ups and downs. Keeping off 60 pounds is a HUGE accomplishment! Keep your head up and stay strong!!

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AMCLELLAN 3/21/2013 8:10AM

    You have done amazing! You will continue to do amazing. Nothing ever goes perfect. Keeping the weight off is excellent! I know you have it in you to do everything you have set out to do.
You had a great year, and just keep pushing. This is the start of another great year for you.
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ADARKARA 3/21/2013 7:28AM

    Girl, you've lost 50 lbs this year. FIFTY LBS!!!!!!!! That is a huge accomplishment! Don't downplay it ONE BIT! You may not have come as far as you wanted, but don't diminish your SUCCESS! emoticon

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FITNHEALTHYKAL 3/21/2013 7:22AM

    emoticon Cuz sometimes that's what you need. Sometimes you need a emoticon kicking you in the okole and sometimes you need a profile picture just like mine to encourage you to pick yourself up, tug up those TWENTY PERCENT LOST and why in the world are you still wearing them big girl panties emoticon, step off with a newly invigorated plan for this the second day of spring and DO NOT put your eggs in a basket all about "a boy" cuz YOU are worth more than that. This is YOUR journey, your dreams, your story....WHEN you meet a man that fits into your story and you become friends based on a foundation of trust and friendship and then ideally love, you will MAYBE have it all but that's not what you should be basing your journey on sweetie. Nurture and care for and love YOU for YOU and be happy and in fact ecstatic about the accomplishments that you have made and the obstacles you have overcome. No boy got you where you are and no boy is going to get you the rest of the way. ALL YOU BABY! Bring it! emoticon because YOU are emoticon

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BETHIEBOOPS 3/21/2013 5:49AM

    Girl! Gah! This is SUCH an amazing accomplishment! I'm sorry you don't feel the joy of this amazing feat. I am so incredibly proud of you. I remember a couple months ago when you weren't sure that you could do this? Look where you are now! WOW! And the deep personal growth? It's a lot too! Weightloss is such a topsy turvy journey, the loops and dips and gains are all part of getting through.

And you reminded me- I've been here a year too! I started on the 19th but totally forgot! YAY!

Here's to another year, another adventure and a smaller butt! emoticon


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LRSILVER 3/21/2013 5:11AM

    I hope you can get back in the weight loss groove.

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PINKEUROGIRL 3/21/2013 2:11AM

    You can do this!!

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AHTRAP 3/21/2013 2:01AM

    You mention feeling like you're back to square one sometimes, and I wonder why. Strictly physically speaking, square one was comfortable over 20% of your weight ago.
You might not be losing currently, but neither are you piling on 6-7 pounds in a month, unlike some of us. Not only is that a physical win, it goes to show that you're in a far far better place mentally than you were before you started on this phase of the journey a year ago. Even in the throes of eating less than well, you're continuing to do the other things that keep that pesky weight thing in relative check. And whenever you defunk your way out of this little valley, maybe you'll find the plateau ran out when you weren't looking. (ok, that last sentence doesn't make all that much sense at face value, but I'm thinking you know exactly what I mean.)




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CARPENTERGAL 3/21/2013 1:11AM

    I hope that things pick up for you I wish you all the best and seriously CONGRATS on going a year!!!!! You're awesome and amazing! I cant wait till I can say that Ive been a year strong. YOU CAN DO IT this rut will pass. If you need to talk anymore know that as your Sparkfriend I am here for you!

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