Monday, February 25, 2013
The year for my healthy lifestyle journey isn't til next month, but I was looking back on this old picture, and it was taken January 17 of 2012, so I instantly found a picture taken January of this year to compare, and I was glad I did. The feelings of that day of the "fat picture" came rushing back to me. It was one of the best days ever, I got to go to a live taping of my favorite show, The Big Bang Theory, but it wasn't always 's and 's, there were a lot of not-so-good things about that day as well.
This is the episode we saw...
Kunal Nayyar (Raj) signed my program!
It was a loooooooooooooooong day, you had to get there super early and wait because admission wasn't guaranteed. We had a blast, but...
What they don't tell you is you have to walk across the street, waaaaaaaaaaay down to the last studio on the right to get there. I really thought I was going to die. Walking so far. It was awful. The majority of the people were average size, there was however one obese woman that had to take a golf cart ride to get there. I felt bad for her as I heard others commenting, snickering and staring.
Then we got in, and they have the smallest chairs. Like ONE butt cheek fits on the chair kind of chair. They were zip tied together so you could not move them. Now my friend Marisol and I were both big girls... she got to sit on the isle and I had to sit next to some skinny girl. But basically Marisol and I did not really fit. In fact I was kind of on her chair and she was kind of half on her chair as well, hanging off the edge. It was a terrible feeling. The poor obese woman had to sit in two chairs, and I know people were snickering about that.
Then they had audience participation, and they would do fun dance contests and stuff. This one girl, who was just chubby, certainly not fat, was dancing and I had to hear the skinny witches next to me snicker and comment about how she should not be up the dancing up there and other choice words. It was a great day based on going to see The Big Bang Theory, but it was not a good day for overweight people. Not only the uncomfortableness of the walking and sitting in the small chairs, but the judgement from others.
Then the ultimate blow. The picture above is us with our favorite radio DJ JoJo on the radio. I used to win stuff all the time on the radio, and met the DJ numerous times, I even had a nickname. So after the long day of Big Bang Theory we stopped at Bob's Big Boy and JoJo came in. I said hi and after I told him my nickname he cracked up and remembered me from years and years ago. HE insisted we take a picture and that he would tweet it. I remember being so excited about the photo, UNTIL I saw the outcome. That is just not a good picture of me no matter how you slice it. There is no good angle, there is no hiding behind someone else and it really killed me. I was so RELIEVED when I saw that HE disabled the comments so that no one could comment on the photo. He has many followers and I would have died if I had to see a comment about the "fat girls".
I did not start my journey that day or even that month, but I really think that was a huge reality check. It was everything, the photo, the not being able to walk a mere half mile or whatever it was without feeling like I was going to die, not fitting into the chair, the judgement from others, EVERYTHING just hit me like a ton of bricks. March 20, 2012 I started my journey at 262 pounds, and I have not looked back since.
Sometimes we forget why we are doing this. I really forgot how miserable 272 pound Stephanie was. She cried at night, she had trouble just rolling over in bed, let alone walking around the mall... she wasn't living life and she wasn't enjoying the one she had. So sometimes we just need to take a step back, and remember WHY we wanted to change in the first place. Our new weights can become our "new normal" and we lose sense of just how badly we wanted to change. We get caught up in how much farther we have to go and don't look back at all the progress we have made. Remember where you came from, and where you are going, but don't forget to be proud of you TODAY and EVERYDAY along your healthy journey.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
I am jumping the gun by a day, but tomorrow, February 20th will mark 11 months that I have STAYED on this journey!
As someone who has struggled with weight my entire life, and NEVER stuck with any of my various weight loss attempts for more than 3 months, this is the hugest NSV a girl can ask for!
For those that know me, know I have been a member of Sparkpeople since 8/21/09... I lost 40 pounds only to gain it back, I went back and forth on this site throughout the years, but it wasn't until March 20, 2012 that I really decided to make a change.
It hasn't always been easy, I have been on horrible plateaus...
I am still pushing through the dreaded 212 plateau from Halloween ...
I have dealt with disappointment of not hitting a specific weight goal by a certain time...
I desperately wanted 199 by the start of 2013 but it wasn't in the cards, and I am still pushing to get there...
I have had days where I have eaten everything in sight...
There were days I didn't exercise...
There were days where everything went wrong...
But there were happy days too, days with 's and 's, days of good eating, tracking calories and exercising. Days with good weigh ins, compliments and encouragement from others, and days of genuinely feeling good about myself. I am so proud to be able to sit here and say (well, type) it has been 11 months, and I have not and will not give up. I am pushing towards my goals and I will get to Onederland if it kills me!
My weight chart going all the way back to 2009:
This quote sums up my journey perfectly, and thanks to a fellow spark friend for introducing me to this quote:
This 11 months felt long at times, but it truly has flown by! Is there a part of me that wishes I would have lost more weight by this point? Sure, but I will get there in due time, as long as I keeping moving forward, I will get where I want to go, and so will you! Don't give up, take each day at it comes, and we will reach our goals together!
Saturday, February 16, 2013
YOU make you lose weight! What you eat, how you move, what YOU DO makes you lose weight! Now before you get all crazy on me, I love these gadgets and motivational tools. I think they can be very inspirational and help to motivate you to make smarter choices, but that alone does not make us lose weight.
I am so tired of seeing people say "Well I really need to make a new motivational poster, and THEN I will start seeing the scale go down again..." Are you ridiculous?! While a new motivational poster might help ignite your Spark, the only thing that is going to get the scale going down again is what you do AFTER. It might motivate you to get back on track or get you out exercising, but it is what you DO that creates the results.
Another example, months ago I told my friend I was getting a heart rate monitor so I could see how many calories I ACTUALLY burn while exercising, her immediate response was "I want one", and her very next question was "what is it?" She has a case of the "I want to have everything you have, because you have lost 60 pounds and I lost 20 only to regain it and then 5 additional pounds". The difference is NOT the gadgets I have, it is how hard I work at tracking my calories and making an effort to exercise that has done it. Getting a heart rate monitor and not using it, or using it to track your calorie burn while you sit on the couch isn't going to do you (or in this case her), any favors.
With that said, I think these gadgets and motivational tools are GREAT and I these are the ones I have, but I did not lose any more weight after getting these things.
Fitbit : I love it, I love that it tracks my steps, sometimes it gets me out walking more but not usually... I still have cases of the "I don't wannas" and it doesn't make my walks any easier.
Heart Rate Monitor: I loved this at first, I still do, but I really wanted to see how many calories I am burning while exercising. I burn a lot less than the online calculators claim. I admit I haven't been using it at much, partially because I have a decent understanding after using it about how many calories I burn doing various activities.
Motivational Marbles: I love these things, they are pretty to look at, but I hardly remember to move the marbles at this point. I do it every other month when I've lost a good amount of weight to keep it current.
Motivational Quotes: Love these, they are around my house, they are inspiring and great to look at, but sometimes I go into my fridge and over eat even when some of these are plastered ON my fridge.
Woohoo Jar: I love the jar, I love to put stuff in it, but I have to do the work to have the woohoo moments to put in the jar.
Sparky : I have an amazing dog that loves to walk, but if I don't get off my butt to do it, then it doesn't really help lol.
Planner: I put heart stickers on the day I exercise and cupcake stickers on the days I severely overeat. It is neat to see my progress and track it, but I very rarely pass up a high calorie day in fear of getting a dreaded cupcake sticker.
Sparkpeople: This is the biggest tool of all for me, and it is one that I use each and everyday. I have the most amazing Spark Friends and I am thankful for each and every one, but as much as they would love to reach through the computer and smack the cookie out of my hand, it still comes down to me. But I will say that the amount of love and support I have gotten from this site has allowed me to keep going when I might have otherwise given up.
My point is, it's all you baby! Your time might be better spent exercising or making a meal plan than pasting your head on Jennifer Anistons body for a motivational poster. However, everyone is different, and if you need that poster/quote/tool to get out and get the job done by all means go for it.
And on the flip side of that if you are losing weight and getting the job done, pat yourself on the back! You are doing this because you are awesome, not because of anything you have or any tools you have found it is because you do hard work day in and day out and you are amazing!
Friday, February 08, 2013
I wish I could take credit for Sparky's awesome name, but it's the name he came with. Although I did comment on the fact it was the perfect name. I decided when I got him that I would make a deal to walk him everyday that I did not work. I have only had him a little over a week, but I have been true to my word, and today he really pushed me to get it done when I didn't want to.
I had a headache, I wasn't feeling it, I just wanted a lazy day. I have NO idea how this dog knows it's time to walk, it MIGHT be because I change my clothes into different pants, but I don't even have shoes on yet and he knows. Two days in a row now, when I have come down the stairs to put on my shoes before I take him, instead of going to the couch, he goes to the door and he does a whine like "what's taking so long"? We do a minimum of once around the block which is like 1.1 miles, and I hope to be able to build up in the future. Although I'm a little worried about the plate in my leg, I think I stepped wrong a little while ago and now it hurts when I take certain steps. Hoping it is nothing and will go away soon... Sparky needs his walk. :)
Nothing will keep me more accountable then these sweet puppy dog eyes.
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
So this may sound silly, because I have been consistent on Spark over 10 months, I have tracked everything religiously, I am participating in a BLC Challenge which I do take very seriously, but I am recommitting to give this 110% again. If you are on my BLC team, I don't want you to think I've been slacking the last couple of weeks but I know where there is room for improvement.
The biggest room for improvement for me is my food choices! I also need to eat more frequently with more snacks and more HEALTHY choices. I have always been honest about the fact that my food choices are not always the best. I can be a very lazy person, and I needed something EASY to take to work. So that meant lean pockets, easy mac, etc. As I said, I am under no illusion that the highly processed foods are healthy, and I never made that claim. But when I was 272 pounds and eating fast food all the time, ANY sort of food change that was less than 3,000 calories pretty much resulted in weight loss. It was quick and painless for me, and it made it easy for me to stick to because it took no real effort on my part.
But I think I am finally ready to take this to the next level and focus more on the nutrition aspect. When I eat healthier foods, I can eat more for the same amount of calories and feel full longer, which often prevents me from overeating. Am I saying I will never have another easy mac again in my life? Well no, not exactly, but I want to make the nutrition part of my lifestyle change my new hobby.
By that I mean I want to try healthy foods that I've never tried before. I want to start making meal plans. I want to start COOKING and trying different healthy recipes. I did that for a while and I loved it but then I got lazy again. I felt a sense of pride when I actually planned my meals and wasn't just grabbing what was quick and easy. I also thoroughly enjoyed some of the recipes and they were fun and enjoyable to eat.
So, I am done being lazy. I am done hovering in the same weight range. I know that all calories are not created equal but now I need to start applying that to my life. Out of pure boredom I will be reading The Revolutionary Shred Diet by Dr. Ian Smith, and I may take some tips from his 4-day diet book that I already have. Please don't think I am hopping on the fad diet bandwagon, that isn't my intention. I think after being over 10 months in it shows that I am committed to this as a lifestyle change and I am not looking for a "quick fix" or anything by following some of the meal plans that come with these diets. I am just using them as a guide for healthy eating, for also learning proper meal timing and getting reacquainted with what a healthy meal looks like. Because as I said, eating what I've been eating does not resemble anything of a healthy meal (most of the time).
I just really needed to type this out and put it out into the Spark-verse to just really solidify my recommitment to a healthy lifestyle and to take my journey to the next level. If I ever want to see Onederland and that ipod, I really need to step it up big time.
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