Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Hey, Hot Stuff!
Okay, so I wouldn't normally call you hot stuff, but that picture was too cute to resist! So you haven't had me on your case for a while, and I'm sure you hoped you wouldn't be hearing from me. The thing is, I know you better than, well, anyone! You can't lie to me or try to downplay how you are feeling, because I know the truth!
Let me tell you how you are feeling. You are feeling so many conflicting emotions, I don't even know where to start. Let's start with frustration. I know right now you are frustrated with the fact that you have weighed about 214 since Halloween. We all know what happened, you got down to 212, claimed your 60 pounds lost , and within a matter of a few days shot right back up to 214. You thought about giving up your trophy but you figured you'd be right back to 212 soon enough. Well I got news for you, it's the end of January and you are still hovering around 214. So part of you is extremely frustrated to not be making any progress.
But on the flip side of that you are a little proud... proud because by now you would have given up! You are about 10 months into this journey, and while you have not lost any significant weight in the past few months, you haven't gained any either. You got up to 218 for a hot minute, but right back down. Then up to 216 and now back down to 214ish. For someone who was previously a quitter, that's pretty freakin cool. You very easily could have gained back 20-30 pounds in that time if you had thrown in the towel, but you didn't.
But even with some sense of accomplishment, I find that you are reminiscing about "the old you". You know the one, the 272 pound Stephanie who ate whatever she wanted and could have won the gold medal in the Couch Potato Olympics. That Stephanie got to eat large quantities of greasy, salty food and had fast food essentially everyday. That Stephanie never had to weigh or track her food. That girl never gave a thought to how many calories were in anything, that girl found nothing wrong with days consisting of sitting unless she absolutely HAD to get up and do something. That girl didn't have a care in the world.
But wait a minute, you are only remember HALF OF THE STORY!! That girl weighed 272 pounds, and was miserable because of her weight. She would lay in bed each night and wish she could lose this weight. In fact, she wasn't even comfortable in bed, she felt like her neck fat was swallowing her neck and even had trouble breathing because the weight on her chest was so heavy. Turning over in bed felt like an Olympic sport.
That girl tried every diet under the sun, only to come back even heavier. That girl hated going anywhere because she knew everyone was staring at her, and many times she could even hear the comments. So when you have thoughts of going back to that lifestyle, make sure you are looking at the BIG picture.
Yes, you can have days filled with being lazy, lounging all day and eating all sorts of delicious greasy foods, but with that comes weight gain, torment, physical exhaustion, emotional turmoil and many other things. So when you think about taking the "easy" way out, you need to think it through.
If you chose to go back to your old ways, you will NO LONGER BE ABLE TO:
Say that you have lost almost 60 pounds.
Walk up your stairs without feeling the need to rest.
Walk laps at work and not get tired after 1 or 2.
Receive compliments from people at how much progress you have made.
Wear the smaller clothes you have recently purchased.
Walk around at the grocery store or other place without getting sweaty.
Say that this is the first time on a weight loss journey that you haven't quit!
And you will NEVER be able to:
Reach Onederland and get that ipod touch!
Get to your goal weight!
Get out of plus size clothing.
Feel GREAT about yourself and look great while feeling great!
Get back your confidence you lost from gaining all this weight.
Truly be at peace with yourself and your body.
So the decision is yours. I know you, and you are a stubborn little thing. It doesn't matter anyone else says, because at the end of the day you will do whatever you want. So make your choice, but when you do it please remember that the 272-pound-Stephanie...
was not a very happy Stephanie. I trust you will make the right choice!
Friday, January 18, 2013
Yes, it is that time again where you will see some BLC 21 related posts from me. Some of our challenges include posting a blog about certain things, so I gotta do what I gotta do to represent the Sassy Sheriff's and get those points!
The round just started this Wednesday, and I am pretty excited. I am ready to push myself for the next 12 weeks. The last round was my first time participating in the BLC, and I lost a little over 14 pound during the 12 week challenge. While I am proud of what I accomplished, I also hit my major plateau and did not lose an ounce for a little over 4 weeks. It was really frustrating not to hit my goal of 18 pounds for the round, but hey, stuff happens.
I enjoyed the experience so much that I am back for my second round. My starting weight for the round is 216.8 and my goal is to lose 20 pounds. It may be a bit of a lofty goal for me, but I am determined to push full steam ahead to try to lose 20 pounds, and if I fall short what's the worst that happens, I lose 15 pounds instead? I will take it. I really would like to at least hit Onederland during this challenge. Besides, we all know I am chomping at the bit to get my hand on the Ipod Touch 5 right?! It is definitely on my mind. Maybe I should put a picture of it on my fridge as an added reminder.
Anyways, having a goal to lose 20 pounds is great, but how am I going to get it done? Okay, I can't lie... I already set my January goals, and essentially all my goals are the same. The ONLY difference is, to get the points for this challenge I will need 300 fitness minutes a week, so that is the only thing that is really changing... trying to get in MORE fitness minutes.
BLC goals (same as January goals):
Blog once a week on Tuesdays with results for accountability.
Track water intake and get at least 8 glasses.
Strength Training 3 days a week for upper body, 2 days for lower body.
7 days of cardio... with 2 days being just walking for the cardio.
Track all food.
Stay in calorie range!
Hit 300 fitness minutes a week (added for blc, and to have 1000 fitness minutes for January).
So there you have it, here is my starting pic that many of you have seen, and here is to having a significant difference in my "after photo" 12 weeks from now!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
I wrote that last blog late last night (okay technically Tuesday morning) and I woke up to such amazing responses and I instantly started feeling better. I am going to respond to every single comment individually, you all are amazing. What touched me the most was how many of you shared YOUR personal feelings with me, and that in itself is priceless. It made me feel better to know that I wasn't alone in some of the thoughts I had. I honestly had no idea that so many people would respond saying that they could relate, and it made me feel like I'm not in this journey alone, which I knew already, but it was nice to be reminded. It was all nice to know that although this is a weight loss site, people genuinely care for me as a person (as I do with all of you), and not just about the weight loss aspect of my life/journey. So thank you all!
Today was a great day, I made an effort to get out of the house and to just keep busy. Walked through the mall for exercise with my fitbit, and when I saw the Fairy Godmother from Cinderella on clearance at The Disney Store, I couldn't resist!!
Doesn't she look FABULOUS in between my weight loss marble jars?!?! And I haven't been paying much attention to them, but the one on the left with the pounds gone is much fuller than the one with pounds to go, so that was a bright spot in the day.
I also am going to get crafty, I got these at Target, and I want to print out inspirational quotes and glue them on these foam hearts, flowers and stars and put them up in my house. If you have any good inspirational quotes, please throw them my way!
And the recap for January 9 - January 15th.
Track water and get a minimum of 8 glasses. 7/7 days.
Strength Training: 4/5 days
Cardio: 6/7 days (Two "rest days" but include walking)
1000 Monthly Fitness Minutes: 477/1000
Track Food: 7/7 days
Stay In Range: 5/7 days...The problem here is the 2 days over were WAY over. Strength training was my one that needed the most help, but now it's staying in range that is the main focus for the week!
Blog once per week: This is it, so
Overall: 88%, I'll take it!
BLC 21 starts tomorrow, and I am super excited. Accountability at it's finest. I am starting the round at 216.8 and am pushing for about 20 pounds in 12 weeks. I know I can do it if I try my hardest, and that is what I intend to do!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
So first off I'm starting with a disclaimer. I have refrained from getting too personal in my blogs for sometime, because without fail, some random person will come and make some comment that will either rile me up, rub me the wrong way, or be just downright negative or hurtful. So with that said, if you don't have something nice to say, then get to steppin'.
On the flip side of that, anyone of my TRUE Spark Friends (you know who you are) have the liberty to say whatever they want. The know me, and I know whatever they may have to say comes from a good place and I am always happy to hear whatever that may be.
Okay, so I'm turning 27 (Feb 3).. now no one go all "that's not even old, get a life" on me, because that's pretty counter productive. I know I'm not old, and besides, we are only as old as we feel. And please don't think if you happen to be older than me that "If I'm worried about 27, I must think other people are ancient.", because I assure you that is not the case. I have friends in their 40's and I would never once have a glimmer of a thought that they were old.
This is a (mostly) irrational issue that I have. It pretty much started when I became 23. There is nothing special about the number 23, nor is there anything special about the number 27. I was happy to turn 21, I was fine with turning 22, but there was something about 23 that REALLY hit home that I am no longer a kid. You are definitely an adult, and then 24, 25, etc. really cemented in that fact.
The root of my Birthday Blues comes from the things that I am unhappy with in my life becoming front and center in my mind. There is something about "letting another year go by" without making changes, or falling into a rut so to speak.
In past years, these are the thoughts that I have had, and please, no harsh words on these things, I am letting you guys in to my deepest most feelings, so please handle them with care...
*You are the fattest you have ever been...
*You still live at home with your parents...
*You are not only single but you have nothing that even resembles a "love life"...
*You are going to end up an old maid...
*No one is ever going to love you...
Etc etc. I won't go on and on as a lot of the thoughts are similar, but you can understand the main idea. This isn't a daily thing, I am generally a pretty happy person, it is just something that comes with my birthday and the realization that I am another year older.
A large part of this stems from the fact that I really would like to be a mother SOMEDAY. I was explaining to a fellow Sparker how silly I felt, because I am in no way shape or form ready to be a wife and mother RIGHT NOW. I'm just not. I want that very badly to happen SOMEDAY but not right now. So it seems silly to kind of mourn the fact that I am not at that place in my life, when it's something I am not ready for.., So that is something I am working on figuring out and coming to terms with so that I can feel better. I think the best way to explain it is that I know there is a specific age window in which I would be able to become a mother, and with each year that passes the window gets smaller, and it scares me.
To get super dooper personal, I had made a decision a few years ago that if I am 40, and single with no potential to have a family, I would at that point adopt a child. I absolutely want to be a mother, and if I can't have my own child and have a family that I so desire, I think it would be quite fulfilling to adopt a child that does not have that family. You would think this would put my mind at ease a little, and at times it does, but it doesn't squash the desire that I have to have my own child someday.
I am doing my BEST to look at the positives, and the list that I use has significantly been cut down, and I am trying to focus on that, because...
*I am NOT the fattest I've ever been this year. In fact, I'm actually the smallest I have been in AT LEAST 5 years, and although I've been in a plateau and struggling lately, I have not given up.
*I do not live with my parents, I was blessed to buy a beautiful condo that I own a little over 3 years ago, and that has down wonders for my general happiness and sense of accomplishment.
*I have found a job that I love, that is going to be my career until the day I retire... unless there is some huge catastrophe that prevents this from happening.
*While I am still very single, I have gone on dates, and just put myself out there much more than I have in the past. I may not have found "the one" or had a boyfriend, but I have gone on dates and that is more than I can say for some of my previous years.
*I am working on myself from the inside out. I am trying to learn about myself and figure out the person I want to be, and I have come a long way in many areas.
So while I can sit here and tell you all these things, and be proud of certain accomplishments and logically know that despite getting a year older, I am much better off than I was in previous years, I still can't help and get a little case of the blues. With that said, I am doing my best not comfort myself with food, which has always been my "go to feel better thing", and while that is hit and miss, I am conscious of it and working at it.
I know this was long and boring, and unless you are my true Spark Friend I don't see many people wanting to read this, and that is okay. It was good for me to put it out there. I was so touched by the overwhelming support from my friends on my status that I thought I would explain myself for anyone who reached out to me and kind of asked what is wrong. I am so blessed to have such great Spark Friends, and you guys make me want to keep trying even when I don't feel like it, and I heart you all so much!
And I didn't forget about my week 2 check in, it's not 100% but I will post the good, bad and the ugly Tuesday night.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Today was just a good day. Walked 2 miles at the mall with bro to get some exercise in, I'm in range, made some delicious turkey meatballs, today is definitely a good one.
I don't know if you guys have seen this idea floating around, apparently it's on facebook, pinterest and all of that. But I saw that a fellow sparker BogusAnnie is making a Woohoo jar! She has a vlog on it if you want to check out the details, it's basically a jar where you write down good or happy things that happen throughout the year. Then at the end of the year you can open it and read through all the good things that have happened. Or, if you are feeling down and need a pick me up, looking through the jar and reading it could be very inspiring. I think it would be a great way to record those NSV's and just happy things in everyday life that we feel good about in the moment but forget about them shortly after. I got some cute paper and stickers from the store, and I decided to use this candle holder I had at home. I love pumpkins because it reminds me of Fall/Halloween/Cinderella which I love love love, so that seems perfect for a jar!
I decided my reward for getting to Onederland was an Ipod Touch 5... Target had a deal where if you bought it this week, you could get a $30 Target gift card. I couldn't pass this up so I got it today. It is at my brothers house and he has strict orders not to give it to me until I get to 199, and he means business! I really want it, and I don't have a fancy smart phone so this is going to be my coolest gadget yet. Plus I will use it at work when I walk my laps, woohoo.
Got some new work shoes that are great for walking, super excited about that. It doesn't take much to make me happy these days.
I hope everyone is having a nice week!
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