Sunday, January 06, 2013
So my physical part of my weight loss journey has definitely stalled quite a bit. I believe there are several things contributing to that at the moment. Some of those things include a change in birth control, my body plateauing, etc. But I also contribute it to me slacking off a bit, I need to push harder and I think I am finally ready to really pump it up and make this my number one focus again. I have been 212-216 since Halloween, and that is definitely not how I wanted this to go. I wanted to be in Onederland by now or at least right on the cusp, but all I can do is move forward.
But while the physical part of my journey has stalled, my emotional/mental journey never stops. I never stop trying to understand my emotions and what leads me to emotionally eat at times when I know it's counterproductive to my journey. I am learning a lot about myself, and I have definitely changed as a person. I have definitely changed for the better and I am much kinder to myself. I am no longer putting myself down (with the exception of an occasional "oh god, you are so bloated your pants are tight" comment here or there), and I feel SO much better. My outside has changed, sure, but the changes on my inside are the true gift.
With that said I have been doing my best to find positives in the things that seem negative, but I am also not trying to sugar coat anything and make things seem 's and 's when they are actually & . I am finding that is a very delicate balance between trying not to beat yourself up for something, but also not sugar coating it to tell yourself that it's "no big deal". I don't want to sweep things under the rug, I want to face them head on, even if sometimes it gets difficult.
The fact that I have been within the same range since Halloween time is not okay with me. I wanted to be farther along in my journey, I am not content at 215ish pounds, and I refuse to settle for something I am not comfortable with. But on the other hand, the "old me" would have thrown in the towel at this point because I feel stuck. The old me would have gained anywhere from 10-25 pounds in the last 2ish months and would not be even attempting to try. So that is a positive. Another positive is that I now have some pretty excellent practice for maintenance. When I get to 180 (or possibly 170) I want a 5 pound range that is going to be my maintenance range and my weight loss journey is going to be the same as it is now, the only adjustment is getting to eat slightly more calories because I won't have to account for a deficit. So the fact that I did that for over 2 months and over the holidays at that shows me that I have definitely learned something about maintenance even if I didn't mean to. I am looking at the positives but while still pushing myself to reach my goals. I am finding it is so easy to get comfortable with where we are at when we've lost a decent amount of weight. It is a scary thought but just because I am happier and feeling better doesn't mean I am done pushing towards my goals.
So with that said, I am glad I have learned something about maintenance even if it wasn't planned, but now I want to push on to my goals so that I can get to my maintenance weight and put that knowledge to good use! Plus I have plenty of awesome Spark friends waiting for me in Onederland, I think I've kept them waiting long enough, so I promise to do my best to get there as soon as possible! Play time is over, and I need to remember to keep my eye on the !
I hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend and that they are starting off 2013 on the right foot! I had a bit of a stumble, but I'm feeling much more sturdy now!
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
The title of my blog is a "Friends" reference, I love that show!
I have never been one to get caught up in all the New Year Resolutions and stuff, but this year I am just beyond excited! I want 2013 to be my goal year (180 and then possibly on to 170), but I am not going to be getting all crazy about it. All I know is that I will weigh less at the beginning of 2014 than I do right now, and that in itself makes me happy.
I have filled out my planner for the month of January with exercises specific to the day, and a very specific treat day plan in place and I am just ready for January! BLC 21 starts on the 16th and that is an added bonus that I am very much looking forward to!
So as I've mentioned many times, trying to make a goal of losing a certain amount of weight in a month is not the right kind of goal for me. So I am going to make my January goals measureable and attainable. Here goes...
: Blog once a week with a progress report. For BLC, my weeks are going to run Wednesday-Tuesday so every Tuesday I will blog about the progress for the week. My weigh in will not be until Wednesday morning, so my blog won't contain that information. I will weigh in and change my ticker accordingly on Wednesdays, but I don't want the focus of my blog to be how much weight I did or didn't lose. I want it to be about the measureable goals.
: Track water intake! I am a Spark Points Ho, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. But I have been known to "track 8 glasses of water" each day just to get those 5 points. Shame on me! So I will be working on earning those points like a nice girl. ;)
: Strength training! I have hardly done any strength training throughout my journey. *GASPS* That is not good, not good at all. It has been very hit and miss. My plan in place for January is to do strength training for the upper body Mon, Wed, and Fri, and legs/lower body strength training Tue and Thu.
: Cardio! That one comes a lot more easier to me than some of the others. I have specific cardio plans for the month. Saturday and Sundays are considered my "rest days" but I still intend to walk leisurely at work and get some laps in to prevent me from being almost sedentary at work on those days.
: Track food! That one is easy peasy for me. I have been tracking religiously for over 9 months, so that is a no brainer. I have capped off my own personal range at 1700 with an understanding that I can go up to 1800. So focusing on staying in range is also the goal.
I am ready for this New Year. I am under no illusion that the year will be spotless, but I am prepared for the bumps in the road that come along with this journey, and I feel like I will be able to handle it. I hope everyone is as excited as I am and is ready to get some serious work done in 2013!
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
First off, I want to say a huge THANK YOU to any of you that have encouraged me or reached out to me at any point, but more specifically recently when I was struggling!! It really meant so much to know that I have people here who support me and want to see me do well. This has been my most successful year on Spark, and I'm hoping to make 2013 even better!
What I've learned on SparkPeople this year:
: I need Spark People! That is probably the most important thing I've learned all year. I need the nutrition tracker, I need to be accountable for everything I eat, but more importantly I need the support system. I am the type of person that doesn't necessarily share my weight loss efforts with a ton of people in my "real life". I tell a select few but that's it, and most of the time the details are minimal. I also feel the need to encourage others. I get inspired by so many people here, and their success gets contagious.
: When I'm struggling, I have to speak up! In previous attempts, when the scale started creeping up, I would avoid this site like the plague. Who wants to admit they are starting to regain the weight they've lost? I realize now that if I would have been honest with my Spark Friends back in the day, I would have received the support that might have prevented a 5 pound gain from turning into regaining all of my weight lost (on more than one occasion). Coming clean about my recent gain, resetting my weight ticker to reflect the gain, and getting the support from you guys has given me a new found sense of control and has got me right back to where I need to be.
: My plan is MY plan, and no one elses. This has been very hard for me to learn, because I've always felt I needed to be on some conventional program to be successful. Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, Atkins Diet, No Sodium diet, etc etc. It had to be "go big or go home." This is the first time that I haven't made any food "off limits", everything in moderation, and calories in calories out is the name of my game. Some people might cringe at what I chose to eat, but if I can lose 60 pounds eating what I want (more or less), then they can't really afford to argue with me.
: The scale can suck it! The scale has always been my #1 measure of success or failure, and it has ultimately caused me problems. Sometimes you can be doing everything right, and the scale refuses to budge. When that happens I've learned we just have to . That said I LOVE seeing the scale go down, but I a pay more attention to how my clothes fit or other NSV's.
: Plateaus are the pits!! That goes hand in hand with the scale not rewarding you for hard work at times... I plateaud at 250, 230, 214 (and I'm sure there's many more to come)... it happens! In the past that would have derailed me and sent me right back up to 270ville, but not this time.
: Time lines do not work for me, in fact, they stress me out!! Every previous attempt started with a pen and paper and this: "You weigh 272, you want to get to 180. So that's 92 pounds, if you lose 2 pounds per week, so it will take you 46 weeks which is about 11ish months... BUT maybe if you lose 5 the first week, and 2.5 a week..." Well, you get the idea. That was a recipe for disaster. 1/2 of those attempts would end with "well that's going to take forever, WHY EVEN BOTHER?!" The other half of those attempts would last maybe a month, or 3 months at best, and when I hadn't lost "10 pounds a month like I SHOULD be" I would throw in the towel. This is the FIRST time I didn't do that, and it was the BEST thing I could have done. I have gone from 262 to 212ish in 9 months which is by no means 2 pounds a week or any other "spectacular amount" of weight loss, but I sure am happy with the progress!
: Don't be so hard on yourself! This was a very hard one for me to learn. I would constantly beat myself "If you would have just stuck with it like you were supposed to, you could have been at goal by now". "You gained 5 pounds, what an idiot, I knew you would always be fat!" I would never in a million years speak like that to anyone else, so why was I allowing myself to treat myself so terribly? That has been a long hard process, but I have come a long way and continue to work on positive self talk.
I'm sure there are more things I have learned on my journey these past 9 months, but this was already far longer than I expected. In fact, if any of you poor saps actually read all the way to this point, let me know and I will shower you with a Spark Goodie!
I HAVE to give a huge shout out to my Spark BFF Susan (IMSOOZEEQ)! If you don't have the pleasure of knowing her, I suggest you check out her page, I'm just sayin! I am very blessed to have a handful of amazing Spark Friends that are absolutely amazing and know a lot about me. They are always there to offer support and advice, but this very special shout out to Susan is because she has single-handedly pulled me out of the pit of despair this past week! I was just sinking further and further down into the pit and the scale was just creeping up and up and she reached down and pulled me out! Without her I'd be back in 220ville instead of full steam ahead to Onederland! I seriously do not know what I'd do without you Susan, you are just too amazing for words! And to all my amazing Spark friends who have helped me throughout my journey and continued to support me, lots of hugs as well!
Sunday, December 23, 2012
So the reason for the "sort of" is because I have been on and off of this site since 2009. My weight chart in the last blog showed the roller coaster that has been my weight loss journey. From losing 40 pounds and gaining it back, losing 30 pounds and gaining it back and so on (from the end of 09 through 11). March 20 of 2012 I started Spark yet again, but this time I have stuck with it and I have no plans on stopping. I went from 262 to 212 during this 9 months, but am currently back up to 217ish.
I am so proud that I am still here and I am still trying. Despite a recent 5ish pound gain, I am still here and I am still pushing forward. For the first time in years I am confident that my 5 pound gain isn't going to spiral on to gaining back all of my lost weight.
I am thankful for the great Spark Friends I have, without such a great support system I don't think I'd still be here, fighting to get to my goal. I have firm plans in place for the rest of the month to prevent any further gains, and I am very much looking forward to the New Year and I am hoping to push super hard and make my 2013 my GOAL YEAR! I want to reach 180 pounds, declare victory (cuz that sounds awesome, doesn't it?!), and then possibly see about pushing on to 170. But that is just a glance into the future, and for right now I am just focused on the week ahead and the month of January, and I look forward to a Spark filled year with all of you!
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