STEPH-KNEE   76,341
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Weights Of Christmases Past...

Thursday, December 20, 2012

It is no secret that I have been having a rough time lately, so I won't be going into that... but as a sort of motivational tool I decided to take a look at weights of Christmases past. I have been one of those people that have been and off of Spark for years, and while in some ways it is frustrating that I have yo yo-ed a lot, it is beneficial to be able to look back and have a record of everything.

emoticon 12.19.12: 214 lbs
emoticon 12.6.11: 246 lbs
emoticon 12.19.10: 259 lbs
emoticon 12.25.09: 260 lbs

This is very important for me to see and it reminds me that this time next year I want to be even lower. This chart really sums up my journey from 2009 until now. What a roller coaster.

So despite everything it, just reminds me that I'm going to continue to take this one day at a time, and continue on a downward trend. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WIO_ALISA 12/24/2012 12:30PM

    Awesome to see that you've made progress each year.

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PRINCESSAMY 12/24/2012 11:24AM

    emoticon Merry Christmas!

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CHICAT63 12/23/2012 6:38AM

    You got this !!!! emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 12/22/2012 9:04PM

    You got this, gorgeous.


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JUSTLIKEALICE 12/21/2012 9:54PM

    YOU ROCK!!!

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MILLYDALLY 12/21/2012 2:03PM


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HEATHERFREE 12/20/2012 11:38PM


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ERW001 12/20/2012 10:28PM

    That must be encouraging to see how your weight has dropped over the years. Best of luck in 2013! emoticon

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GEMINIGEM6 12/20/2012 9:45PM

    Girl you are doing great and you will be way below what you are now by next Christmas! You will be at your goal!

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IMSOOZEEQ 12/20/2012 7:28PM

    2013 will definitely be your year! We will both see great success in the new year!


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MAGGIEVAN 12/20/2012 3:30PM

    Congrats with your achievements. It is very good to have a record, I agree. Have a great Christmas.

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TRUNKJUNK 12/20/2012 12:15PM

    Great job. I know how it is you're up one year and down the next but all that yo-yoing is behind you. I think a 26 pound loss for a year is a good goal. Of course it's even better if you lose more. But as we all know Murphy's Law rears it's ugly head from time to time so I think 26 pounds allows for some slip ups. Ideally I think a pound a week but I want to be realistic and if you do achieve that then great. Good Luck.

I've subscribed to your blog to witness your progress and for you to inspire me.

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AELI2468 12/20/2012 10:46AM

    that chart is AWESOME! You have done such a great job this year. Don't let e few blips recently get you down.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    I noticed that not only have you lost weight every year, but the amount lost has increased each year. Thank you for sharing! You inspire us all to keep sparking bc it works. emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 12/20/2012 7:30AM


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    Keep up the good work (very hard work I might add.) Looking forward to helping you celebrate your new downward weight next Christmas. Enjoy the rest of your week.

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LRSILVER 12/20/2012 4:48AM

    Great. I think 2013, Will be your year!

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DUMBBELLE84 12/20/2012 1:36AM

  Really goes to show when you make an effort and commit yourself, the results will come! Here's to a FABULOUS 2013, Steph!

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BETHIEBOOPS 12/20/2012 1:17AM

    Hell yeah! Check out that chart going down, down, down... WOO! I'm with Lisa, I think you'll be less than goal weight by Christmas 2013. How exciting is that?!?!?!

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LISAN0415 12/20/2012 1:02AM

    wooooohooo! Now- I want you to predict the weight at Christmas 2013.....
I predict 189

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I HATE Being Wrong LOL! ;)

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Does anybody enjoy being wrong?! emoticon Well, I sure don't, but I've been wrong a lot in my almost 27 years, and I am sure I will continue to be wrong countless times in the future. So I am hereby declaring my "1400 calorie December" a

Okay, okay, fail is a seriously strong word, but I want a cat picture and that one was TOO good to pass up. So please don't think I am beating myself up here. My weight loss journey has been nothing but a bunch of trial an error. There is no better way to figure out what works and what doesn't by trying it and seeing what happens.

When I chose 1400 calories, it wasn't a lot of thought put into it. I put in that I wanted to lose 2 pounds a week, with my amount of calories burned and the range Spark gives me is 1200-1550. So I thought 1400 was a good balance and that MAYBE I could get back to losing 2 pounds a week. That was my FIRST of the bad decisions. My body has not been willing to let go of 2 pounds per week pretty much since the beginning. So what made me think my body was willing to change it up now? Oops.

I also want to add, I am not complaining about the range Spark gave me. It is a tool, and we all need to decide for ourselves what works for us. I had some friends express concern that 1400 was too little, but I just didn't think it was. I felt completely satisfied and full on 1400 calories. Maybe the amount of food or the foods I chose were filling and maybe even though I was mentally satisfied, maybe my body didn't agree. I really don't have the answer.

I've had a handful of super bad days, and a bunch of good days, and I am up about a pound or two. So obviously this is not working. The stubborn part of me wanted to just stick it out and just keep doing it until December was over just to say that I "did it". Then I realized why am I going to waste more time doing something that clearly isn't working.

So instead, I went through my journey from March of this year until now. I found the 3 months where I lost the highest amounts of weight, and found my calorie averages for the week. Here is what I found out and posted in a Journal entry on spark:
My 3 highest months for weight loss were:
June: 8.1 pounds lost. emoticon
September: 7.2 pounds lost. emoticon
October: 7.8 pounds lost. emoticon

June: 5 bad days: ?(not tracked) , 2950, 2256, 2089, 3016.
Week 1 Average: 1700 Week 2: 1723 Week 3 1649 Week 4: 1592

September: 6 bad days: 2131, 2355, 2167, 2311, 2850, 2558
Week 1: 1697 Week 2: 1689 Week 3: 1529 Week 4: 1878

October: 8 bad days: 2230 2265 2165 2387 2919 2243 2388 2121
Week 1: 1742 Week 2 1964 week 3 1849 week 4 1721
Can you believe it, with 8 very high calorie days in October I still lost 7.8 pounds? That is pretty awesome. Not that I want to have super high calorie days like that on a regular basis, but it was quite the eye opener.

So what I am seeing is that for the most part, a comfortable range of 1700 per week seems to be about right for me. I would love to have a 7 or 8 pound month again. Last week I made up a plan for a "treat meal" twice a month and made some rules to accompany it. I am going to start incorporating it in January and see how it works.

So, to end this on a high note and put what has been good about the month so far...

emoticon: Admitting I was totally wrong LOL, that's never fun. emoticon
emoticon: Trying something new, even if it backfired.
emoticon: Researching what has worked for me in the past.
emoticon: Accepting that something that I really hoped was going to be good for me really wasn't, and being able to let that go and move forward.

In other random news, I have found myself too scale oriented and I need to pull away from that. emoticon I am currently in between rounds for BLC so I am going to take that time to have at least some form of break from the scale before that starts again mid January. I think that will help a lot with my sanity, as it has been a rough week for me on many levels. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRINCESSAMY 12/24/2012 11:34AM

    The best way for you to lose is to look back at what worked. For me, if I eat under 1500 calories I don't lose. I completely understand.

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LOVESTOWALK49 12/20/2012 10:21AM

    Best of luck

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BETHIEBOOPS 12/20/2012 1:25AM

    Way to go. It takes guts to admit when things aren't working. I hope this new calorie range is the secret for you! I love love love that you've been so good at tracking your food so that you can look back and analyse. What a gift! Every body is different. My Spark range is too high for {not-pregnant} me, so it only makes sense that for more active, higher metabolism bodies it could be too low!

Sometimes I feel like the witches in Hamlet, "buuble bubble toil and trouble" as we concoct new "recipes" for our individual success. It gives me a funny mental image! haha!

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LAHUDSONCHEF 12/19/2012 10:04PM

    Steph, most of the time, wisdom comes after screwing stuff up. Yay! You just gained in wisdom! :)

I decided to give myself a little break this month...not stressing about losing since there were so many events lined up, and I was sick for over a week. Well, I let myself go more than intended, and have had SEVERAL high-calorie days already (wanted to eat EVERYTHING after I started feeling better...), and haven't challenged myself with exercise. NOT a good move...and I'm in reset phase right now, too.

So, for me, now I know that a little latitude is okay, but too much runs away with me. Thankfully, I am still tracking daily. It's the only way I can see what I'm doing to myself. The sodium's been the worst part of it...ugh.

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HEATHERFREE 12/19/2012 7:29PM

    Good blog! I'm not exercising and the most I'm intaking in calories on a good day is 1300, but I had 4 days the past 2 weeks where I had "treat meals" and I didnt log the calories and I lost 5 pounds. I think my body likes the higher and lower calorie days seems like yours does too, so this week and next week I'm going to do it on purpose and see if I get some more good results. You and I both know I don't have good results other than by being sick, stressed or starving lol Its taken 12 months for me to get 28 pounds off my body.
Also I think it is GREAT that you have tracked everything diligently so that you can go back and see what has worked! Im going to try harder to stick with logging everything, so If I get stuck and can figure out whats wrong. I hope getting back to what you were doing works well the next couple weeks! emoticon

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GEMINIGEM6 12/19/2012 6:52PM

    Girl now I wanna go back and look at last year to see what worked for me when I lost 11lbs in one month! Lol. It's fine that the 1400 Dec wasn't what you had hoped b/c now you are more educated on what DOES work for you! Yay for that! I know you are gonna do so well! :)

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MERRY_XMAS 12/19/2012 3:43PM

    I tried a program of a Sparkbuddy and although it was great in theory, I couldn't make it work... So it's good that you tried it and you soon realized that you need something else emoticon

emoticon emoticon

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JACOBSBELOVED 12/19/2012 3:23PM

    Like you said, this weight loss is trial and error. You tried the 1400 calorie December, it didn't work out like you thought it would, now on to something else! How else would you know that this didn't work unless you tried it?

I'm glad you decided to move on and not complete the month with this challenge. If it's not working, then why bother trying to keep it going? I know you already said that up there but I think you were absolutely correct in that statement. :)

Yay for giving the scale a break for a while! I just wrote that in my blog last night too that I will be pushing the scale away until the first of the year. The minute I made that decision, I felt so much relief and like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I hope ditching your scale for a while makes you feel lighter as well. :)

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WEBEZE 12/19/2012 2:51PM

    Your experiment did work. You ended up finding out what works for you. Sounds like 1700 is a better # to shoot for than 1400 for you. I have been stuck the last 2 months. I lost 2 pounds and then gained it back. So I am right back where I started. Have been trying to figure it out from my past weekly averages, but not getting anywhere. My metabolism I think is still trying to figure itself out since I quit smoking. So I will have to keep experimenting.

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PUNKY100 12/19/2012 1:18PM

    Hahaha I love this blog!!! Good for you for recognizing that it isn't working, and not being excessively stubborn about getting a goal done that will only hurt you.

This whole process is trial and error for everyone!! If anyone tells you they have been doing this perfectly, they would be lying. :-P

I'm so glad that you did this so you can learn things and figure out what is the best for you. I really really really hope that it helps you get back to what you were losing before, I know how awesome that felt! :-D

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SARI_GIRL 12/19/2012 12:13PM

    YOu've inspired me to look back at what's worked for me! Thank you! Also, good job with the joyful humility!

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JECKIE 12/19/2012 9:52AM


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AMARILYNH 12/19/2012 7:46AM


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LRSILVER 12/19/2012 5:04AM

    You can succeed losing one pound per week. In a year that is 52 pounds. You ate doing great emoticon

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LISAN0415 12/19/2012 3:37AM

    I was reading the "drop 10" diet from Self Magazine. They suggest you eat 1200 calories a day of "good" food- you know vitamin and protein packed, and then allow yourself up to 250 calories a day of "Fun" food- that can be 1 candy bar, a small mcdonalds french fry, 2 cookies...

Maybe you could try that and you'd feel less likely to binge if you had a treat once a day.

They also say if you have a special meal coming up, skip your fun or happy food for 3 days and then you'll have 750 extra calories to use at that meal.

Best wishes!

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Name Change, Thank Yous, & Dec. Check In #3

Sunday, December 16, 2012

So I totally changed my Spark username. When I first signed up in 2009 (IStillLoveJB), I thought it was JUST going to be used as a log on. I had no idea that it would be my username for the world to see. So I finally changed it up and although it still looks weird at times, I really like it. So hopefully ya'll didn't think there was some random creeper on your "friend feed"! emoticon

emoticon Huge NSV today! I am rocking the blue plaid shirt I have in my before pics (60 pounds ago), it is buttoned and loose and the buttons don't pop open when I sit down. I feel like a million bucks! emoticon

emoticon!! To everyone that reached out to me when I was struggling, it really meant a lot! I am feeling so much better and back in control. I am making an effort to back away from the scale at this point and just focusing on my actions.

I need to give a HUGE shoutout, emoticon, and emoticon to JacbosBeloved, BethieBoops and ImSoozeeQ! These girls are amazing, and if you aren't lucky enough to know them, you should try your best to get to know them! They are the most amazing, dedicated and inspiring Spark people you would ever want to meet! Alissa: I thank you so much for putting things into perspective for me. To see the 11 good days vs. the 2 bad days really helped me to get back on track. Elizabeth: Thanks so much for ALL the advice and reaching out to me at a time when I really needed it, it means so much to me! And last but not least Susan, seriously Susan! You know me better than anyone and you know when to call me out on my nonsense and get me back to where I need to be. You are also always there to listen and offer support and you are totally my BFF! emoticon to these awesome ladies! emoticon

To anyone that has ever commented or given me a goodie, that is what keeps me going. By having all of you to support me, I feel like I am not doing this alone and some days that is the ONLY thing that prevents me from back sliding to an all time high weight. So every little goodie or comment can really mean the world to someone and it is always appreciated! emoticon

As for the check in, this is a short one because I posted one not too long ago, but things are looking up!

14th: 1,072 emoticon And this was not intentional, I was super sick after the 2, 3,000+ days.
15th: 1,385 emoticon
16th: 1,400 emoticon 1,400 on the nose, so awesome LOL! I was playing around with what I could have and when I saw that I was excited ha ha!

Previous updates, days 1-11 all under 1400. 12-13th over 3,000 calories. emoticon

And to everyone who thought 1,400 might have been too low, from now until the rest of the month I am going to make sure I listen to my body. If I feel that I still need to eat more after I've eaten the 1,400 calories, I won't deprive myself. But so far I have felt full and content on the 1,400 by making certain food choices. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NIKKICOLE83 12/21/2012 3:28PM

    I seen this new person pop up in my Friend Feed and because I was raised by a suspicious mother, I backed away slowly. I just now got the nerve to figure out who STEPH-KNEE was and I am so glad it is you!

With as good as the days you have been having, I wouldn't worry about the two high days. I have to keep reminding myself that it is December and it is the nature of the beast. Remember good, healthy food 80% of the time.

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MERRY_XMAS 12/19/2012 3:41PM

    I'm so glad to read that your back to your plan and even more determined!
Well done!

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LISAN0415 12/18/2012 8:40PM

    Hey there!

Glad to see you are back on your path and feeling great!

I just wanted to tell you something that has helped me- feel free to take this advice or leave it- I have found that having one higher calorie meal or treat a week helps me from binging and, and and the best part is, "calorie cycling" kind of "tricks" the body and makes the metabolism worker harder the next few days, so I actually lost about 3.5 lbs the first week I tried this, and it worked for Thanksgiving week too.

Plus it helps me psychologically turn foods down during the day or earlier in the week knowing I have a treat meal coming. some people call it a "cheat meal" but its not realy cheating. I hope maybe that can help you too. I plan on having a higher calorie day this Sunday, I have a big Family meal in honor of Christmas (because Christmas day much of my family will be visiting the other side of their family/in laws) and I won't go crazy but I will eat more than usual.

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PRINCESSAMY 12/18/2012 2:17PM


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HFAYE81 12/18/2012 11:10AM

    HOORAY for the loose shirt!!! Feels good, doesn't it? I did see "Steph-Knee likes this post" and was like WHO??? Then I saw your picture emoticon

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IMSOOZEEQ 12/18/2012 3:57AM

    I think I forgot to tell you that you are totally emoticon !!!!!

The shirt!!!! emoticon I am so happy for you. I will be looking for a pic of that shirt!!! You need to post a comparison pic on your page! That would be great motivation!

I really appreciate your support and although you didn't need to give me props in your blog...Thanks. I am sitting here smiling! emoticon You know I got your back!

You are rockin' this month. Those 2 days are just that 2 days and your can learn from them and move on. They are the past and ONEDERLAND is so close in your future! I am so looking forward to our virtual celebration!!! It is in the bag!

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HEATHERFREE 12/18/2012 3:09AM

    Nice! you have done a pretty dang good job on your 1400 December! emoticon I am SO proud of you!!! YAY! P.S. Did I tell you about my plaidish shirt that I can fit into now too?! Funny lol

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JESSICA_STULTZ 12/18/2012 1:09AM

    I agree with Jacobsbeloved! We need a picture of you in this fitting blue flannel shirt. Not for proof.. but because you deserve the praise! You are doing amazing. I agree with you that it isn't all puppies and rainbows. Especially being an emotional eater.. and that random binging can get to anyone. I think it is great that you catch onto it as quick as you do though.. so you can get right back on track. I think that's what helps you keep from gaining a bunch back. The name change threw me off a bit.. but I realized it pretty quick. I like it!

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LAHUDSONCHEF 12/17/2012 10:24PM

    I did think I had a friend feed stalker! ;) Really good to hear your heart in this blog. You are one of my inspirations. :)


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GEMINIGEM6 12/17/2012 8:41PM

    Hey girl! Yeah I was like 'who is Steph-Knee'? when I saw the comments on my last 2 blogs. I'm sorry I wasn't there to cheer you on in your last blog but as you know my computer was messed up. I am back now though! I am glad you're feeling better and that you have a good support system. I am still going to go read the blog. :)

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KK10TM 12/17/2012 6:18PM

    You are such an inspiration! Keep it up!

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CRISSA1669 12/17/2012 4:27PM

    Hey there!! Glad you're hanging in there!! Cool for the namechange...sometimes a fresh fresh encouragment...or at least maybe a new perspective, lol. Keep on pushing...we're getting closer and closer :)

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TRACY31502 12/17/2012 2:01PM

    Love the new name....and funny I thought the same thing when I signed up for sp and have been thinking of changing mine too :) you are awesome!!!!

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LRSILVER 12/17/2012 4:41AM

    emoticon emoticon

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BETHIEBOOPS 12/17/2012 1:47AM

    WHOOP! YAY for shirts fitting! And thank YOU for always reaching out to encourage me! I'm glad for great SP friends! {hugs}

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JUSTLIKEALICE 12/16/2012 11:45PM

    emoticon emoticon

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BLUE42DOWN 12/16/2012 10:59PM

    emoticon on the NSV!

emoticon on turning right back around from those over the top days. (One interesting thing to note - by turning it around so quick, your average over 16 days is really only around 1700 calories per day. If you stick the 1400 for the rest of the month, you'll actually end with around a 1500 average.)

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FITLIKENIC 12/16/2012 10:45PM


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STARSUB99 12/16/2012 10:41PM

    You are on a roll girl! Keep up the great focus - you will reach your goals in no time! emoticon emoticon

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JACOBSBELOVED 12/16/2012 10:24PM

    BTW, do we get a picture of you in the blue flannel shirt??

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JACOBSBELOVED 12/16/2012 10:23PM

    Well, thank you for always doing the same for me! I'm glad you're feeling like you're back to normal. You're always so peppy and upbeat and it's hard to see you down.

Good for you for listening to your body! I hope you accomplish all you want to accomlish! You always work so hard and you deserve it. :)

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STRUGGLING Big Time: 1400 Calorie December Check In #2

Friday, December 14, 2012

I have lost my mojo and my marbles!! I did not plan on checking in until the end of my night Saturday, but I am hoping that owning up to this NOW will prevent this from happening for a 3rd day in a row. I really need to be in a good state of mind tomorrow because I am spending the day at the Casino with my uncle for his birthday, we are going to a concert. We will be eating dinner there but if I make smart choices I will be fine. But judging how today and yesterday went, I just have been EATING EVERYTHING.

I am going to journal for myself in a little bit to go into more detail, I do not want to ramble on here for pages and pages about why I feel I am out of control, but I will let you all in on some quick tidbits.

emoticon: I continuously struggle with self sabotage and being scared of actually reaching my goals. I have been working on this.

emoticon: I tend to be an emotional eater, I am not a big eater when I am happy, but when I am down in the dumps food is my comfort. I have been working on this, but I do not always win against the binge monster emoticon , and these last 2 days have been proof of that.

emoticon: This is a stupid excuse, and embarrassing to admit, but the weight simply has not been coming off since I started this 1400 calorie December. Not budging in the least. So while I was proud of sticking to my goals, I was upset that I wasn't seeing any rewards. My brother even went on to say maybe I should up calories a little bit. But I am stubborn and I wanted to continue to prove to myself I could do it.

emoticon: This is even more embarrassing to admit out loud, and it irritates me that I did that. But yesterday when I went over my 1400 calorie mark, something went off in my brain that hasn't happened in a VERY long time. I said to myself "you already blew it, might as well eat whatever you want." I have plenty of motivational quotes to the tune of "if you break one dish, do you go back and break the rest of the set?", on and on and with the similar meaning. I have been SO good about not doing this, until these past 2 days.

This is getting long and wordy, which is what I was trying to avoid. I will save the rest for my journaling. I refuse to just chalk this up to two bad days and move on. Don't get me wrong, I will not beat myself up for this, I am only human, but I want to UNDERSTAND what is happening and then I will be able to put it behind me and move forward. I know this weight stuff is going to be something I will battle with for the rest of my life, and in order to keep winning this battle I need to understand why I do certain things. I am a work in progress and I will keep working.

I also wanted to post this to be accountable to my Spark Friends. I have had a LOT of people be super sweet to me and congratulate me. A lot of people see 60 pounds lost and see before and after pics, but I wanted to remind everyone that it is not always emoticon's and emoticon's and that I struggle from time to time. I knew my month of December was not going to be spotless with this 1400 calorie December, but I also didn't expect to go so far off the deep end. I will just emoticon

1400 Calorie December:
9th: 1393 emoticon
10th: 1395 emoticon
11th: 1389 emoticon
12th: 3,000+ emoticon emoticon
13th: 3,000+ emoticon emoticon

Previous Update was 1-8, all under 1400. emoticon

Next check in might end up sooner than expected if I feel I need the accountability! I hope all my Spark Friends are having a better week than I am! emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRINCESSAMY 12/18/2012 2:15PM

    emoticon emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 12/16/2012 9:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HEATHERFREE 12/15/2012 11:50PM

    You are doing good! You screwed up and your owning it and finding solutions and delving deeper into the reasoning behind it!. It doesn't matter how long you stay where your at...OKAY?!?! It matters that you keep looking forward even if you are just standing in the same spot. Dont go back! Dont turn around!
As far as you not losing, I would maybe lower the carbs if you think your getting more than you were, or just up your walking a tad bit. Or add a 30 second jog/sprint here and there while your walking. I'm gonna weigh on monday......I hope its good...ish!

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JUSTLIKEALICE 12/15/2012 11:24PM

    You have got this. Just remember how far you have come. And we are here for you! emoticon

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JUDY106 12/14/2012 7:12PM

    I know how you feel. I have not been doing the normal on my calorie count . I always stay at the lower end of the count and this month I have been at the higher end. I been at this for six months and never went to the higher end of the calorie count. I don't know why things has changed for me too. I am trying to get back to the lower end every day. I hope you do better than me. Thanks for sharing this with us.

Tomorrow this a new day. Thank the Lord !!

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JACOBSBELOVED 12/14/2012 12:59PM

    I just feel for you so much! I can feel your frustration and your sadness through my computer screen and I don't know what to say other than keep going.

You have come so far; you know that. You can look at all of your progress pictures you want but you still need to feel mentally secure, too. Feeling like you are in control and satisfied with what you are doing is as equally important as being satisfied with how you are changing physically (in my book). Like we keep saying, the mental part is the hardest part. If you aren't feeling strong mentally, it's hard to keep going.

I know it's hard to see but you had 11 good days and 2 bad days. Those 11 days are definitely the majority and those 2 days are just, well, 2 days. I wish we could look at the 11 instead of focusing on the 2 but it's hard. I feel like I used to do that with my grades in school as well. It's hard to focus on all the positives when you see one or two negatives.

Is TOM here or coming soon? I know that can mess with me big time.

You are loved and you are supported. Keep going, lady!

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AMCLELLAN 12/14/2012 7:37AM

    We all have bad days. I sometimes get the same mind set. Especially if I didn't think the day was that bad, then I track everything and it was worse than expected. You can do it. Give your body time to get used to the new calorie range. Everything takes time. Also do what feels healthy to you. Could be a sign that it is to low of a range, but who knows better than you listening to your own body.

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LRSILVER 12/14/2012 7:14AM

    I think 1400 is too low for you. Your body is in starvation mode and holding every calorie. Also feeling so deprived can sabotage you. Ease up plan your meals. Stay in
a better range. And think about why you want this. You are worth it.

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    We still love you. We know that you can do this. I have had a bad 4 weeks intermittently. Hopefully, I am back on track. The scale was VERY kind to me this morning.

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BEANIES_MOM 12/14/2012 5:09AM

    emoticon You can do this! I know its hard to regain control when you feel you are slipping, I struggle with it all the time. Have faith YOU ARE STRONG!

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WEBEZE 12/14/2012 2:01AM

    emoticon Getting to the bottom of what your triggers are will help you overcome them. I hope your journaling helps you to find the answers.

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BETHIEBOOPS 12/14/2012 1:44AM

    Hey girl- it happens! I'm not trying to trivialise what you are going through, but often the novelty of trying something new will wear off, and your "inner kid" will start bossing you around. How are you feeling on a 1400 day? Are you satisfied? Are you tired? Are you feeling empowered for the day ahead? Do you get headaches or muscle cramps? before you up your calories, you can have a look there with how you are feeling when you eat 1400 and see if you genuinely need to up them. You mentioned that you didn't lose last week and aren't seeing results this week- that is normal! You made a change in your life and sometimes it takes time to see that on the scale. What are your measurements telling you? Are you stalling there too? and here's the last question: How much water are you drinking? Water helps flush the toxins out when your body uses it's fat resources for energy. If that's lagging try a week with 10 or more glasses (about 2.5-3 liters) and see what happens.

Looking at food analytically is the best way I've tried to beat the emotional eating monster. It's not love, it's food. It's not acceptance, it's nourishment.

Are you typically an introverted person? For me, as an introvert, I notice that too much outside stimulation (too many parties/gatherings etc) even with people I love, will drain me too quickly, and I'll binge. But really what I need is an evening to myself to putter around the house and de-stimulate. I mention this only because you've been so busy and maybe you're like me :)

Sorry this has gotten so wordy! BIG HUGS

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LISAN0415 12/14/2012 1:16AM

    P.S. One more thing- since you are looking for accountability to yourself, and long term changes, here's a tip I have learned- and you really have to do it earnestly before you try saying it won't work:

This only takes maybe 10 minutes- sign off Spark and get a piece of paper

On the piece of paper, draw a vertical line down the middle

on the left side, I want you to write down any behaviors, thoughts ideas that have kept you from your goal these past 2 days (like if you kept junk food in the house, if you didn't track your food, if you didn't plan ahead, if you choose unhealthy foods)

Then at the bottom of that side write: I forgive myself, but I will do better.

On the Left side, On the top write 3 goals in large letters. and then under it write all the things you will do in the future to combat the things on the left side (like keeping junk out of the house, planning your meals ahead, drinking 8 glasses of water a day....)

and then at the bottom write I CAN AND WILL DO THIS.

Please try this, and put it in a spot you can see it at least once daily (it can be your underwear drawer, or in your purse.

Good luck!


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LISAN0415 12/14/2012 1:09AM

    Ok, breathe! This happens to me too, I eat 1 bite of a trigger food and then go tumbling fast down that bad hill! Yikes!

Best thing to do is to start from right now, we can't change the past, but we can admit that we engaged in behaviors we don't wish to repeat, and then do better.

Now here's a few things that may help you:
1. Before you go out to dinner, eat something at home! Eat something like a Fiber one 90 calorie bar, some carrot sticks, yogurt-, an apple, anything filling that way you can order something lighter on the menu and eat half and take the other half home.

It really works- if I am not super hungry, it's easier for me to pass up high caloroe dishes, and easier not to overindulge.

You can do this! Just because you "slipped" (AND WE HAVE ALL SLIPPED, AND STRUGGLES- THAT'S WHY WE ARE ON SPARK) doesn't mean you need to stay on the ground, get back up hold your head up high and keep walking confidently in the direction of your goal!


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AZTLAN777 12/14/2012 1:09AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Changing Negative Self Talk & Living Life...

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

I have come a long way the past (almost) 9 months. The physical changes are obvious, and I've been focusing on a lot of physical stuff lately. I have been talking about the amount of weight I have lost and my calorie plans to lose more, but I haven't talked much about the emotional stuff.

I have been learning to reprogram my mind and get rid of my negative self talk. After 26 years of constantly telling myself "You will always be the fat girl", "you will never lose this weight", "why are you even trying, you will only gain it back!", it is really quite the challenge to turn that self talk around.

Do I still have my "fat days" where I just feel blah? emoticon Absolutely, but I try not to let that thought overwhelm me or stick with me throughout the day.

Despite all the progress I have made, I recently found myself saying "I will actually be happy when I lose the rest of this weight!" But I really stopped and dissected what that statement meant to me and what it implied. I felt like, while at first glance this statement looked potentially harmless, for me it meant that I am not happy now, and that I am waiting to be happy when I get to my goal weight. That is certainly not what I want. Despite everything I am actually very happy now. I may not get to my goal weight for months and months, or maybe even over a year. I am done "delaying happiness" because of a number on a scale. I was saying this to myself multiple times a day, so I had to replace it with a new phrase. I thought about it for a minute and I decided on "I will FEEL a lot better when I lose the rest of this weight." I thought that was a very fair and accurate statement. I feel 10 times better after getting 60 pounds off of my body, so it is only logical that after losing 30 or 40ish more I will physically feel EVEN better.

I am learning to appreciate where I am at and what I have accomplished while striving to get to my goals. I don't want to allow myself to become too comfortable at this weight, because I have places to go and people to see in Onederland, but that doesn't mean I can't stop and enjoy the scenery in the mean time! I have been going out more, dating boys *gasps*, although not super successfully emoticon, and have not been jumping out of the way of cameras. I have more pictures of me out with friends in this past year than I have in my whole life and I'm glad to have them. emoticon

I encourage any of you that struggle with "negative" or "counter productive self talk" to try your best to replace it with much more encouraging phrases, it really does help in a lot of ways! emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GEMINIGEM6 12/17/2012 8:44PM

    You KNOW I struggle with this as we've talked about it before. So I feel you! And I too have really been working on this. I totally understand! I know the key for all of us is to learn to be content in the moment and while we're on the journey and not wait for that only for when we reach our destination. :) Aren't you glad you catch yourself when you think this way now? I didn't used to catch it but I am so much more aware of it now! :)

p.s. that kitty pic is TOO cute!

Comment edited on: 12/17/2012 8:44:44 PM

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THESHELBSTER 12/16/2012 8:07AM

    LOVE this bog and love you. Super proud of you.

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JESSICA_STULTZ 12/13/2012 12:26AM

    Yes.. You are more than just a number on the scale.. And you should be happy with yourself no matter what progress you have made! You deserve to be a happy you! (I think I'm really guilty of this too though.. of saying when I hit my goal I will be so happy with myself.) I never really stopped to think about what I was saying either. This makes me think I need to start rethinking how I feel about myself as well. I have been pretty negative about myself up until this journey.. and even now I have my days.

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JUDY106 12/12/2012 9:59PM

    This was a fabulous blog. Thanks for sharing.We all need to be reminded to use the positive Self Talk. funny I just stated in another blog that I was going to have to use some serious Self talk to get though the Holidays. I really believe in Positive Self Talk.
This blog was what I needed to read right now to get myself back to the correct state of mind. Thanks again. Hugs, Judy

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HEATHERFREE 12/12/2012 8:32PM

    So awesome! I was going to mention the pictures the other day. I was thinking wow she has been taking tons of pics the past few months! I wonder if she notices that change? And here I see you do! The negative self talk and thinking in general is the biggest thing I need to work on, it is was sabotages me every time! Good job, onederland is SO close!

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JACOBSBELOVED 12/12/2012 2:21PM

    You make me so proud!!!!! I love EVERYTHING you said! I am particularly fond of "I will FEEL a lot better when I lose the rest of this weight". Being over-weight myself, I can definitely say there are times when I just physically feel uncomfortable. And of course you can be happy when you get to your goal weight, but I'm glad you're realizing that you need to be happy with yourself regardless of what you weigh.

You definitely have the right attitude and that's going to get you where you want to go. Everyone deserves happiness and I'm glad you have found yours. :)

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SKINNIESOMEDAY 12/12/2012 12:07PM

yes this is a great blog and I think something that I and also alot of others deal with !! very good share and I need to realize and re-think some of my thoughts too !!
Congrats on your awesome journey and I know you will go further.... remember you ARE worth it !!

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BETHIEBOOPS 12/12/2012 10:32AM

    Ohmygosh. YES! YES! YES! YES! to each and everything you said. losing 100 lbs is so so so much more than losing 100 pounds. It's also about losing the baggage that you carried around 60 pounds ago- including feeling like you will only be happy at X weight. I easily judge people who buy the latest and greatest TV/Stereo/Car/House as a way to be happy. I know that in 6 months, they will be eyeing something new, because stuff doesn't make us happy. Yet, we do this to ourselves by putting limitations on how happy we are allowed to be. I am so proud of you for recognising this thinking and dissecting it. You are so very brave look into yourself so honestly! You go girl!

I hope to hear more life updates soon!

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XANGELSTEARZX 12/12/2012 8:58AM


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AMCLELLAN 12/12/2012 7:45AM

    It is very hard to change how you feel. There is always something better. Trying to be happy in the here and now is the best. Just keep trying. You can do it! Being happy will help take the weight off, then there is less self sabotage. Keep up the great work!!!!!

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    Overweight or normal weight, I think it is human nature to say, "I will be happy when such and such happens." You are wise to realize that externals aren't what makes you content with who you are and what you have achieved. Have a great day. Looking forward to hearing about your 1400 calorie days in December.

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LRSILVER 12/12/2012 4:43AM

    Great attitude. You will be the change that makes you healthy and happy. Love yourself first. emoticon

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