Wednesday, November 14, 2012
So I am currently at work with 5 hours left, and then I am finally freeeeeeeeee as a bird for the next 24 days!! I get a 2 week annual vacation, (next year I get 3 weeks), and with trading some days I turned that into 24 days. I am pretty excited.
I am going to Vegas to visit my Gammie for 6 days. We are going to gamble and eat, but for the first time I am going to really try not to revolve so much of our time around food, and she is totally on board with that. Other than that we will hang out and do puzzles like we do and just have fun. She is like my BFF.
Then I will be bringing her back with me so that she can hang out with the rest of my family and have a fabulous Thanksgiving. I am just genuinely excited not to have to go to work.
In other news, anyone who knows me knows that I have been struggling big time lately. At one point this week the scale was up 4 lbs . Through some work I was able to flush that water weight out of my system, *knock on wood* that I don't find it again in the morning. I should be looking to maintain my weight again this week, and I will be so relieved not to have to post a gain for the BLC. I have also had a GREAT two days prior to leaving that I really needed. I have reset my mind and reset my body and I'm ready to move forward.
If any of the 's are reading this, after missing next weeks weigh in due to being out of town, I intend to be posting a weigh in the following week that will be a loss (down from my current 214).
I am fully aware that I am going to be gaining some water weight and what not by eating out in Vegas, I am prepared for it, and I am also prepared to take the pounds right back off when I get back. I have a plan in place for getting on track when I get back, and I have designated one my good buddies to stand by ready to open up a can of whoop a$$ if I don't get right back to it. I can very easily become distracted, and 6 days of eating out and enjoying certain things can send me on a downhill spiral but I am determined not to let that happen. Onederland is calling to me, and I won't give up until I get there.
To all my Spark Friends, I should be around to give out goodies and stuff for Thanksgiving, but just in case I hope everyone has a fabulous Thanksgiving (Well, my US Sparkies that is)!
Thursday, November 08, 2012
I feel like my blogs lately have been 50/50 lately in terms of "yay me" and "wtf are you doing?!"
I have been a roller coaster of emotions these past couple of weeks. I don't want to dive into those issues, there is some stuff going on with me, but it is certainly nothing I can't handle, it shouldn't be derailing me like it is.
I was able to maintain my weight of 214 this week, which considering some really TERRIBLE food choices this week, I was honestly quite relieved. To be honest, if I wasn't participating in the BLC 20 (shout out to the Sheriff's), I don't think I would have tried at all this week. In fact, I probably wouldn't even have faced the scale.
I had an over 3,000 calorie day a few days ago. I had accepted it, and I had moved on. I THOUGHT I got to the bottom of the issue and moved forward, but the over 3,000 calories I had today says otherwise!
I finally figured it out, I am afraid of success! I mean downright terrified.
I have been over 200 pounds since age 18, that I know for sure. I've always been overweight and I've always wanted to be successful in weight loss. Here I am 2 pounds away from 60 pounds lost, and I am still screwing myself over.
I have finally realized I am a huge self saboteur! It sounds so silly to think that something I have wanted for years, and finally seems in my reach could be so scary, but it is.
People are noticing my weight loss, big time. The reason I say this, is because no one at work knows I'm TRYING to lose weight, but yet they call keep commenting. I think it scares me, because if it is that noticeable that I've lost it, it will be that much more noticeable IF I find it. I know, I shouldn't even be toying with such ideas, but when you have done nothing but fail in past attempts, there is still that voice that says "who are you kidding, you'll always be the fat girl!"
I am so close to Onederland, and at first it was super exciting. Don't get me wrong it is still exciting, but it has also put a lot of pressure on me. Obviously, the pressure is all in my mind, but it is really making me feel like I gotta hurry up and get there, and the result has been me dragging my feet.
I have also used my weight as an excuse, an excuse not to go places, not to do things, not to go out on a date, and whenever something went wrong, it had to be because of my weight. "Oh I would have got that job if I wasn't so fat", "oh, that boy would totally be in love with me if I wasn't so fat", etc etc etc. What is going to happen if I can get to 180, or let alone 170. I guess I COULD change it to "that boy would love me if I wasn't so chubby". But I think the cold hard reality is hitting me that I will no longer be able to hide behind all this fat. I will no longer be able to blame my weight and will just have to accept that maybe I wasn't the best candidate for something, or that maybe that boy just doesn't like me and it has nothing to do with my weight, and that my friends is a very scary thought!
So tomorrow, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and I move forward. Now that I know what some of these issues are, I will be paying more attention to them and trying to find ways to not be held back by them.
To anyone who read all of this, I heart you and I'm also sorry LOL, because this was very long and poorly constructed because I am just thinking out loud. But even if no one reads this, it was good to get it out there, because I need to be more aware of this, and try harder to find my ways around it. I refuse to give up, and I will keep fighting for my goals and beyond.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
So consistency is totally the key to me losing 55 pounds, and it will be the tool I continue to use to lose 37 more. I have been on Spark daily now for just over 7 months! That is the longest I have to stuck with any diet or lifestyle plan. 55 pounds is the most I've EVER lost during any weight loss attempt. 217 is the lowest weight I've seen in at least 5 years! I have bad days, I have noticed a trend of me having about 6 bad days a month. 6 sounds like a lot, it's almost a week, but it's amazing how if we hang in there and , we can just keep on going.
I am sort of tweaking some things right now, only just a bit. I now have a fitness goal of working out 5 days for sure, 6 if I'm up to it. I used to push myself so hard to meet these calories burned goals that were making me miserable. Why would I want to be miserable?
So the revamped plan is to burn 1320 calories per week. That number works out great for me.
My goals are now set to lose 1.4 pounds a week which has me at a max calorie range of 1720. Now that is some calories I can work with! I don't find myself eating extra just "because I can", but on those hungrier days I am happy to use them up.
With the Holidays coming and a vacation to my Grandma's house for 6 days out of my beautiful 24 day vacation (I can't freakin' wait you guys LOL ), there is going to be some buffet eating (she lives in Vegas baby). There is going to be some indulging, but at the end of the day consistency is what matters. What we do the majority of the time is what can get us to where we want to go, or stop us dead in our tracks. It took me so long to learn this, but now that I did I'm holding on tight!
Consistency took me from 272ISH:
To 217 (photo shows 227 but close enough, new pictures at 60lbs down for sure):
And I know it'll take me right down the road to Onederland!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
I am 6 weeks into the BLC 20, and the challenge is to look at what we've done so far and see how we are going to do things moving forward. I started the challenge at 227 and as of Wednesdays weigh in I am 217.4. My goal for this challenge was to lose 18 pounds during the 12 weeks. So I am still on target to reach my goal.
However this Wednesday I had decided that I would push super hard and go for 2 pounds this week. Well that's how this is going:
So we all know that 2 pounds a week means 1000 calorie deficit per day, sounds easy enough, right? WRONG. So my range was maxed out at 1550 and I tried to up my calories burned to 2800, which for me is quite a bit more than usual. Plus I added calorie cycling in the mix because I was going to dinner Friday and would need the extra calories. In theory this was a great plan.
Reality was that instead of the allotted 2000 I had for Friday, I went on an eating spree ending the day at 2900. I'm ending Saturday at 1850. But I was telling myself I needed to eat around 1200 for the next 3 days to "make up" for that horrible day. That was also a FAIL! As you can see, my 1850 was nowhere near 1200 and I have done this in the past. It leads me into a restrict/binge/restrict/binge cycle. Obviously, that is no good!
So my plan for the next 6 weeks of BLC (and beyond) is to have my calorie range set for 1.5 pounds a week. I have been losing between 1.2 and 1.5 pounds a week anyways, and I am pleased with the progress. As long as I am headed towards Onederland, then I am happy. This journey is all about trial and error and most importantly learning from our mistakes. So just like I am the first to toot my own horn after something good, I also want to the first to step up and say "something is not right here". So I'm just going to keep on pushing, right into Onederland.
Friday, October 19, 2012
This is totally just a tooting my own horn kind of blog, so if that's not your thing, turn away now!
My weekly weigh in is on Wednesdays because I'm part of BLC 20. I weighed in twice at 217.4 which I thought was great. Later on, even though I hadn't had any food or anything, I was 218. I was a little miffed and didn't really trust my scale at that point. But I had already recorded everything, and I thought no normal person would have gotten on it a 3rd time 30 minutes later, so I moved on.
This morning it told me 216! I got on again, 216. Then tried two more times, 216.2, okay what's the deal. My batteries shouldn't be old, and my scale is fairly accurate for the most part. It never changes numbers like that. When I went to the doctor in September my scale was within like 2 pounds of the doctors scale, then add on for the extra clothes.
So for piece of mind, I went into Target, and yes, I'm a rebel, but I snuck in a weigh in on a scale. The thing is if my scale was "that far off", I was going to go ahead and buy a new one. I weighed myself at home, fully clothed and after dinner 218.8 at home and 219 at Target. Close enough for me!
Sometimes we just have to accept the fact that we are awesome, and not "downplay" success because of a faulty scale or batteries or this or that. I am literally just SO excited. Oh, and don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware it is probably a fluctuation, and I ONLY record my official weight on Wednesdays for weigh in. But just to see that the scale has the potential to keep moving down is a victory to me.
Get An Email Alert Each Time STEPH-KNEE Posts