Friday, December 07, 2012
Okay, so I have to tell you, my official weigh in day is Wednesday, and I weighed in at 212.6. Normally I would wait until next Wednesday to record my weight, but I have been waiting for this for SO long, I just couldn't contain myself!
You know what is crazy, I didn't even realize it til just now. I get on the scale every morning, but don't record it (and please, no lectures about weighing everyday )... so I just noted that the scale went down and went on with my day. I have been on a major plateau and had been within 2 pounds of 60 down for over a month, so I kind of forgot about it. It was hours later that I finally realized 212 pounds on the nose meant 60 pounds down!
So now I am doing the Snoopy Dance and am just so happy!
I have been so caught up with the challenge I made for myself of a "1400 Calorie December", the actual weight goals part kind of slipped my mind.
To all my Spark Friends who have been supporting me since I started this "new journey" in March, and there are even some who have been supporting me for years on this site, I thank you so much! You don't know what it means to me to have the support of such amazing people. Now on to 70 pounds down, closely followed by Onederland, and on to my goal of 180! I'm looking forward to it!
Saturday, December 01, 2012
I am SO flippin happy that it is December! I am so glad to have November, the month of not losing ANY weight behind me, and I'm ready for a fresh start. I am not normally someone who looks at the months, or fresh starts of a new week, or anything like that. But I am so excited to just be able to move forward. I have decided I am going to aim for 1400 calories during December. It is completely doable, in fact I am sure there are many of you that eat that amount or even less. When I first started in March of this year (one of my many, many restarts), I was faithful to the 1550 mark. As time went on, it got to be 1600, 1700, and sometimes 1800. I was content at losing a pound or 1.5 pounds per week and eating that little extra was worth it to me. While I am not focusing so much on the weight loss (1 or 2 pounds), I want to get my eating completely under control. I want to prove to myself that if I make smarter choices, 1400 is more than enough food. Obviously if I have Jack In The Box for lunch and blow 1200 calories, it is not enough food, which is why I don't need the Jack In The Box to begin with.
I don't expect anyone to really care about my plan for December, but I am putting it out here in the Sparkverse so that I have to be accountable. I will post each Saturday with my calories for the week, and I am hoping that it'll help me think twice before I go and eat something I shouldn't. I am sure I will not have a perfect month, because no one is perfect, but I would like to make it through December with minimal bumps in the road if possible. Then on December 31st I will post the recap, and then I will need to think of a new plan for January, a whole new YEAR?! Now that is going to be super exciting.
"BLC 20 Recap"
As a part of our final week of BLC 20, one of our challenges is to post how we did this round. BLC ran for 12 weeks and I started the challenge at 227 pounds. I am currently 214, and our final weigh in is on Wednesday. I am happy that I made progress, but I am really sad to say that I have weighed 214 ever since October 31st. I attribute SOME of this to being on a plateau, but I also take full responsibility because I have not been pushing hard enough to break through. I am anxious to see where I place when the challenge is over, I have managed to be within the top 100 most weeks, and there are over 400 people in this challenge. I really enjoyed every aspect of the challenge, and once I got into the swing of it I really found it inspiring.
And a HUGE thank you to all of my Spark Friends that commented on my photo! It made me feel like a million bucks, which does not happen often. But it also makes me want to push that much more, and my plan is for the next pic to be of me in Onederland.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
I know November isn't over yet, but I am SO ready for it to be over. I still have 2 weeks left of my vacation but I am finally home and back to business with no interruptions. I had a fabulous Thanksgiving, I didn't over do it, but the week in Vegas I over did it calorie wise for sure! The amounts of food were pretty bad, but a big improvement from what my old "normal" was. I am still up about 3 pounds from the trip, but the way it is coming back off and my body is adjusting to the my "new normal", I am thinking I'll be back or close to 214 by weigh in for BLC on Wednesday.
Speaking of 214, I have been 214 the entire month of November. So as you can see, I have totally mixed emotions about this! On one hand, I sure would have preferred to be LOSING, especially being part of a Biggest Loser Challenge here on Spark. On the flip side, I knew that November was going to be a huge struggle for me, so at the very least I am glad I am not gaining and gaining. So that is where the mixed emotions come in.
I set a goal for BLC 20 to lose 18 pounds over the course of 12 weeks. If I get back to my 214 spot, I will be down 13 pounds this challenge (down from 227) with one week left to go. So while I am not going to make my goal for the challenge, I am trying to be proud of the weight I have lost, but it always gets disappointing when you don't meet a goal.
I definitely want to participate in the BLC 21, because without the support of this challenge, I have a feeling that my month of November would have been a total disaster! But I am going to make it my personal mission to make the BLC 21 a much better round (if I am lucky enough to get to participate again).
This blog is very BLC oriented, we are supposed to blog about our goals to avoid holiday gain. I have made it through the hardest part. I go into work on Christmas at 9pm which is outstanding because all the potluck/pig out food will be gone and put away so I won't even have to deal with it. So for me, the world is back to normal. I have made it through the tough part and now I am just back to exactly what I know: Tracking everything, and exercising. My exercising has been lacking big time so I am ready to step that up.
I also ordered the Fitbit One and I am super excited. It should be here on Thursday and I am so anxious waiting for it. I mainly plan to use it to track my walking on work days, because my days off are usually work out videos which I would still use my Heart Rate Monitor to track, but I know this Fitbit is going to push me to go farther in my walking at work. For those that have one, which one do you have, and how do you like it? I'd love to hear any input!
Anyways, this blog was pretty much a snoozefest, , I wasn't in "blog-y mode" but wanted my points for the BLC. *Giggles*
I love "Friends" and I'm sure we can all relate to that quote at some time in our lives ha ha!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
So I am currently at work with 5 hours left, and then I am finally freeeeeeeeee as a bird for the next 24 days!! I get a 2 week annual vacation, (next year I get 3 weeks), and with trading some days I turned that into 24 days. I am pretty excited.
I am going to Vegas to visit my Gammie for 6 days. We are going to gamble and eat, but for the first time I am going to really try not to revolve so much of our time around food, and she is totally on board with that. Other than that we will hang out and do puzzles like we do and just have fun. She is like my BFF.
Then I will be bringing her back with me so that she can hang out with the rest of my family and have a fabulous Thanksgiving. I am just genuinely excited not to have to go to work.
In other news, anyone who knows me knows that I have been struggling big time lately. At one point this week the scale was up 4 lbs . Through some work I was able to flush that water weight out of my system, *knock on wood* that I don't find it again in the morning. I should be looking to maintain my weight again this week, and I will be so relieved not to have to post a gain for the BLC. I have also had a GREAT two days prior to leaving that I really needed. I have reset my mind and reset my body and I'm ready to move forward.
If any of the 's are reading this, after missing next weeks weigh in due to being out of town, I intend to be posting a weigh in the following week that will be a loss (down from my current 214).
I am fully aware that I am going to be gaining some water weight and what not by eating out in Vegas, I am prepared for it, and I am also prepared to take the pounds right back off when I get back. I have a plan in place for getting on track when I get back, and I have designated one my good buddies to stand by ready to open up a can of whoop a$$ if I don't get right back to it. I can very easily become distracted, and 6 days of eating out and enjoying certain things can send me on a downhill spiral but I am determined not to let that happen. Onederland is calling to me, and I won't give up until I get there.
To all my Spark Friends, I should be around to give out goodies and stuff for Thanksgiving, but just in case I hope everyone has a fabulous Thanksgiving (Well, my US Sparkies that is)!
Thursday, November 08, 2012
I feel like my blogs lately have been 50/50 lately in terms of "yay me" and "wtf are you doing?!"
I have been a roller coaster of emotions these past couple of weeks. I don't want to dive into those issues, there is some stuff going on with me, but it is certainly nothing I can't handle, it shouldn't be derailing me like it is.
I was able to maintain my weight of 214 this week, which considering some really TERRIBLE food choices this week, I was honestly quite relieved. To be honest, if I wasn't participating in the BLC 20 (shout out to the Sheriff's), I don't think I would have tried at all this week. In fact, I probably wouldn't even have faced the scale.
I had an over 3,000 calorie day a few days ago. I had accepted it, and I had moved on. I THOUGHT I got to the bottom of the issue and moved forward, but the over 3,000 calories I had today says otherwise!
I finally figured it out, I am afraid of success! I mean downright terrified.
I have been over 200 pounds since age 18, that I know for sure. I've always been overweight and I've always wanted to be successful in weight loss. Here I am 2 pounds away from 60 pounds lost, and I am still screwing myself over.
I have finally realized I am a huge self saboteur! It sounds so silly to think that something I have wanted for years, and finally seems in my reach could be so scary, but it is.
People are noticing my weight loss, big time. The reason I say this, is because no one at work knows I'm TRYING to lose weight, but yet they call keep commenting. I think it scares me, because if it is that noticeable that I've lost it, it will be that much more noticeable IF I find it. I know, I shouldn't even be toying with such ideas, but when you have done nothing but fail in past attempts, there is still that voice that says "who are you kidding, you'll always be the fat girl!"
I am so close to Onederland, and at first it was super exciting. Don't get me wrong it is still exciting, but it has also put a lot of pressure on me. Obviously, the pressure is all in my mind, but it is really making me feel like I gotta hurry up and get there, and the result has been me dragging my feet.
I have also used my weight as an excuse, an excuse not to go places, not to do things, not to go out on a date, and whenever something went wrong, it had to be because of my weight. "Oh I would have got that job if I wasn't so fat", "oh, that boy would totally be in love with me if I wasn't so fat", etc etc etc. What is going to happen if I can get to 180, or let alone 170. I guess I COULD change it to "that boy would love me if I wasn't so chubby". But I think the cold hard reality is hitting me that I will no longer be able to hide behind all this fat. I will no longer be able to blame my weight and will just have to accept that maybe I wasn't the best candidate for something, or that maybe that boy just doesn't like me and it has nothing to do with my weight, and that my friends is a very scary thought!
So tomorrow, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and I move forward. Now that I know what some of these issues are, I will be paying more attention to them and trying to find ways to not be held back by them.
To anyone who read all of this, I heart you and I'm also sorry LOL, because this was very long and poorly constructed because I am just thinking out loud. But even if no one reads this, it was good to get it out there, because I need to be more aware of this, and try harder to find my ways around it. I refuse to give up, and I will keep fighting for my goals and beyond.
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