STEPH-KNEE   73,531
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November Recap, Fit Bit +BLC 20 Blog...

Saturday, November 24, 2012

I know November isn't over yet, but I am SO ready for it to be over. emoticon I still have 2 weeks left of my vacation but I am finally home and back to business with no interruptions. I had a fabulous Thanksgiving, I didn't over do it, but the week in Vegas I over did it calorie wise for sure! The amounts of food were pretty bad, but a big improvement from what my old "normal" was. I am still up about 3 pounds from the trip, but the way it is coming back off and my body is adjusting to the my "new normal", I am thinking I'll be back or close to 214 by weigh in for BLC on Wednesday.

Speaking of 214, I have been 214 the entire month of November. emoticon emoticon So as you can see, I have totally mixed emotions about this! On one hand, I sure would have preferred to be LOSING, especially being part of a Biggest Loser Challenge here on Spark. On the flip side, I knew that November was going to be a huge struggle for me, so at the very least I am glad I am not gaining and gaining. So that is where the mixed emotions come in.

I set a goal for BLC 20 to lose 18 pounds over the course of 12 weeks. If I get back to my 214 spot, I will be down 13 pounds this challenge (down from 227) with one week left to go. So while I am not going to make my goal for the challenge, I am trying to be proud of the weight I have lost, but it always gets disappointing when you don't meet a goal.

I definitely want to participate in the BLC 21, because without the support of this challenge, I have a feeling that my month of November would have been a total disaster! But I am going to make it my personal mission to make the BLC 21 a much better round (if I am lucky enough to get to participate again). emoticon

This blog is very BLC oriented, we are supposed to blog about our goals to avoid holiday gain. I have made it through the hardest part. I go into work on Christmas at 9pm which is outstanding because all the potluck/pig out food will be gone and put away so I won't even have to deal with it. So for me, the world is back to normal. I have made it through the tough part and now I am just back to exactly what I know: Tracking everything, and exercising. My exercising has been lacking big time so I am ready to step that up.

I also ordered the Fitbit One and I am super excited. It should be here on Thursday and I am so anxious waiting for it. I mainly plan to use it to track my walking on work days, because my days off are usually work out videos which I would still use my Heart Rate Monitor to track, but I know this Fitbit is going to push me to go farther in my walking at work. For those that have one, which one do you have, and how do you like it? I'd love to hear any input!

Anyways, this blog was pretty much a snoozefest, emoticon, I wasn't in "blog-y mode" but wanted my points for the BLC. *Giggles* emoticon

I love "Friends" and I'm sure we can all relate to that quote at some time in our lives ha ha!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LISAN0415 11/28/2012 4:30AM

    You've come a long way, and I know plateaus do stink, but if you keep on working at this, more weight loss is coming.

Please feel free to join Our Spark support Team "Lose weight over the Holidays" we are offering tips, support and strategies to lose weight and still enjoy the Holidays!

Best wishes to you, love the pictures :)

http://www.sparkpeople.co
m/myspark/groups_individual.asp

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GEMINIGEM6 11/26/2012 5:04PM

    Hey girl! Glad to see you back! I'm sure the 3lbs is just sodium anyway so you'll have that off in no time! :)

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PRINCESSAMY 11/26/2012 10:37AM

    emoticon

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KAESEA78 11/26/2012 4:27AM

    I just adore your positive spirit and your stick to it-ness! You are amazing! I am glad you are enjoying your time off. That was pretty smart to schedule your vaca around all the food at work-smarty pants emoticon I honestly believe that now you are back home and can get back in your routine AND have extra time off, you are going to kill the scale between now and Christmas!!!

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HEATHERFREE 11/26/2012 1:41AM

    Ah thank goodness you posted this, No one has really posted anything lately and I was in DESPERATE need of something! I have my weigh in tomorrow and am not looking forward to it, I want to skip it like the last two but I know that is a death sentence lol I need to see where I'm at whether I want to or not. But anywho awesome blog. I am just in awe of how you go to vegas eat a bunch of junk and too much of it and then come home and get right back on it! You are doing so great and DUDE you will be in the 199s SOOOO freakin SOOOOOON! ahh!

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RALWINE 11/25/2012 5:20PM

    Congrats on your progress, and let us know how you like your FitBit

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NIKKICOLE83 11/25/2012 12:55PM

    You are doing great with your progress and remember, you didn't have an overall gain butI know how hard it is to miss a goal. Could you tell me more about BCU? How do you join?

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HBLACK5 11/25/2012 9:58AM

    I have a Fit Bit and I love it! I wish that I had the Fit Bit One that would upload wirelessly. When the one I have is toast, I will upgrade to the new one. I use it to see how many steps I take and I aim to get in at least 10,000 steps 5 out of 7 days, which is usually pretty easy for me. I should probably up my goal and make it 11,000 or 12,000 steps 5 out of 7 days a week, so it gets me moving more.

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LIBELULITA 11/25/2012 9:23AM

    emoticon emoticon

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JACOBSBELOVED 11/25/2012 3:19AM

    Things could have been a lot worse! The holidays are always tough for eating well and I think you did good. Not to mention adding vacation and being away from home is always difficult to make sure you're doing what you should be doing.

I am so glad you have your BLC to help you! It seems like a good tool for you and I hope you get to continue to be a part of it for as long as you feel like you need it. :)

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Vacation All I Ever Wanted...Vacation Had To Get Away...

Wednesday, November 14, 2012



So I am currently at work with 5 hours left, and then I am finally freeeeeeeeee as a bird for the next 24 days!! I get a 2 week annual vacation, (next year I get 3 weeks), and with trading some days I turned that into 24 days. I am pretty excited. emoticon emoticon

I am going to Vegas to visit my Gammie for 6 days. We are going to gamble and eat, but for the first time I am going to really try not to revolve so much of our time around food, and she is totally on board with that. Other than that we will hang out and do puzzles like we do and just have fun. She is like my BFF.


Then I will be bringing her back with me so that she can hang out with the rest of my family and have a fabulous Thanksgiving. I am just genuinely excited not to have to go to work.

In other news, anyone who knows me knows that I have been struggling big time lately. emoticon At one point this week the scale was up 4 lbs emoticon. Through some work I was able to flush that water weight out of my system, *knock on wood* that I don't find it again in the morning. I should be looking to maintain my weight again this week, and I will be so relieved not to have to post a gain for the BLC. I have also had a GREAT two days prior to leaving that I really needed. I have reset my mind and reset my body and I'm ready to move forward.

If any of the emoticon's are reading this, after missing next weeks weigh in due to being out of town, I intend to be posting a weigh in the following week that will be a loss (down from my current 214).

I am fully aware that I am going to be gaining some water weight and what not by eating out in Vegas, I am prepared for it, and I am also prepared to take the pounds right back off when I get back. I have a plan in place for getting on track when I get back, and I have designated one my good buddies to stand by ready to open up a can of whoop a$$ if I don't get right back to it. I can very easily become distracted, and 6 days of eating out and enjoying certain things can send me on a downhill spiral but I am determined not to let that happen. Onederland is calling to me, and I won't give up until I get there. emoticon

To all my Spark Friends, I should be around to give out goodies and stuff for Thanksgiving, but just in case I hope everyone has a fabulous Thanksgiving (Well, my US Sparkies that is)! emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_MOBII_ 11/16/2012 2:09PM

    OOOO Vegas! Have a safe and fantastic trip! Have fun with your Gammie too!

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EATVEGAN 11/15/2012 11:37PM

    Your Gammie is a cutey. I know you will have fun with her and then both of you will join the family and just all enjoy each other. Food is just an added attraction. Have a wonderful time. Happy Thanksgiving!

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JACOBSBELOVED 11/15/2012 2:25PM

    Have fun with Gammie!!!!

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PRINCESSAMY 11/15/2012 12:07PM

    emoticon emoticon Enjoy yourself!!!

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DAOCCHICA 11/14/2012 11:13PM

    Awesome!! Hope you two have a wonderful time :D

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HEATHERFREE 11/14/2012 10:29PM

    sounds like youve got a plan set up and I know you are gonna do great!

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GEMINIGEM6 11/14/2012 3:03PM

    That sounds so exciting! And I know how you feel by being excited just to not have to go back to work for 24 days! Yay! Also, I know you're gonna get right back on track. No worries there. You are determined and you have done so great!! Go and enjoy yourself. Have fun! It's a vacay! :)

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JESSICA_STULTZ 11/14/2012 11:50AM

    Enjoy your vacation, grandma, and Thanksgiving! I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving.. I have a few "favorite" holidays.. But I absolutely LOVE Thanksgiving because it is not based on giving and receiving gifts.. but on spending time with the ones we love, giving thanks for the things we already have, (and good food! I intend on indulging a little on Thanksgiving because it is really about the only time I get to eat Turkey.. and Turkey is my favorite meat!) Really hoping for you that you can post a LOSS by the time you get back from vacay. Wouldn't that be awesome? I'm looking forward to you hitting Onederland now. Such an amazing feeling seeing a 1 instead of a 2 at the front of the scale. Not only that.. but the huge change in energy and happiness as the weight comes off feels amazing as well! Have I mentioned you are one of my favorite Sparkies? Keep pushing and you are going to hit Onederland before you are aware you got there!
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Comment edited on: 11/14/2012 11:51:40 AM

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STARSUB99 11/14/2012 10:37AM

    Have a fabulous time on vacation!

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SONIA260 11/14/2012 9:18AM

    oh my gosh.....the litty killed me! Also, your grandmother is beatiful, I saw the pic before I read the blog and was thinking it was some photo editing program where you age yourself...you're totally gonna end up looking like her some day :) Super happy to hear that you are prepared for vacay to throw you off a bit, but have a strong plan to get right back on track!!!!!

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TIMELAG 11/14/2012 8:40AM

    I hope you have a fabulous vacation! Enjoy the time with your family and relax! But, try to picture us Sheriffs with you every step of the way- you will automatically make better decisions. I have no doubt you will come back refreshed and ready to kick butt!
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MERRY_XMAS 11/14/2012 7:50AM

    Have a great time!!! Enjoy yourself and relax!

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AELI2468 11/14/2012 7:23AM

    Have a fantastic time Stephanie! if you need the sheriffs to help you out while on vaca (which can be hard), you know where we are!
-Elizabeth

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BETHIEBOOPS 11/14/2012 7:18AM

    Ack! Have a GREAT time- and doing something brave while you're gone. Good Luck on eating well. On a vacation more than ever you have to remember that it's a day by day thing, make the best choices today and leave yesterday and tomorrow to themselves. You get to flex your healthy habits muscles and I just know you'll do well! Can't wait to hear all about it!

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CHICAT63 11/14/2012 4:57AM

    Have a great time with Gammie in Vegas, enjoy yourself:)
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LRSILVER 11/14/2012 4:37AM

    Great! Have fun Stephanie.

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BRENDA_G50 11/14/2012 3:54AM

    Have fun & Enjoy yourself emoticon

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Secretly Afraid Of Success...

Thursday, November 08, 2012

I feel like my blogs lately have been 50/50 lately in terms of "yay me" and "wtf are you doing?!"


I have been a roller coaster of emotions these past couple of weeks. I don't want to dive into those issues, there is some stuff going on with me, but it is certainly nothing I can't handle, it shouldn't be derailing me like it is.

I was able to maintain my weight of 214 this week, which considering some really TERRIBLE food choices this week, I was honestly quite relieved. To be honest, if I wasn't participating in the BLC 20 (shout out to the emoticon Sheriff's), I don't think I would have tried at all this week. In fact, I probably wouldn't even have faced the scale.

I had an over 3,000 calorie day a few days ago. I had accepted it, and I had moved on. I THOUGHT I got to the bottom of the issue and moved forward, but the over 3,000 calories I had today says otherwise! emoticon

I finally figured it out, I am afraid of success! I mean downright terrified.

I have been over 200 pounds since age 18, that I know for sure. I've always been overweight and I've always wanted to be successful in weight loss. Here I am 2 pounds away from 60 pounds lost, and I am still screwing myself over.

I have finally realized I am a huge self saboteur! It sounds so silly to think that something I have wanted for years, and finally seems in my reach could be so scary, but it is.

People are noticing my weight loss, big time. The reason I say this, is because no one at work knows I'm TRYING to lose weight, but yet they call keep commenting. I think it scares me, because if it is that noticeable that I've lost it, it will be that much more noticeable IF I find it. I know, I shouldn't even be toying with such ideas, but when you have done nothing but fail in past attempts, there is still that voice that says "who are you kidding, you'll always be the fat girl!"

I am so close to Onederland, and at first it was super exciting. Don't get me wrong it is still exciting, but it has also put a lot of pressure on me. Obviously, the pressure is all in my mind, but it is really making me feel like I gotta hurry up and get there, and the result has been me dragging my feet.

I have also used my weight as an excuse, an excuse not to go places, not to do things, not to go out on a date, and whenever something went wrong, it had to be because of my weight. "Oh I would have got that job if I wasn't so fat", "oh, that boy would totally be in love with me if I wasn't so fat", etc etc etc. What is going to happen if I can get to 180, or let alone 170. I guess I COULD change it to "that boy would love me if I wasn't so chubby". But I think the cold hard reality is hitting me that I will no longer be able to hide behind all this fat. I will no longer be able to blame my weight and will just have to accept that maybe I wasn't the best candidate for something, or that maybe that boy just doesn't like me and it has nothing to do with my weight, and that my friends is a very scary thought!

So tomorrow, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and I move forward. Now that I know what some of these issues are, I will be paying more attention to them and trying to find ways to not be held back by them.

To anyone who read all of this, I heart you and I'm also sorry LOL, because this was very long and poorly constructed because I am just thinking out loud. But even if no one reads this, it was good to get it out there, because I need to be more aware of this, and try harder to find my ways around it. I refuse to give up, and I will keep fighting for my goals and beyond. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TTINGEY01 11/11/2012 2:02AM

    Hi, thanks for sharing and being so painfully honest. I know it is hard. I have been fat for over 15 years and I just don't see myself as the fit, skinny girl. I need to get over this. I've been below 200 twice now in 2 years and I sabotage myself and go right back up. It's like I'm scared to be below 200lbs. I currently weigh 225. Hugs to you and know that you will be better tomorrow. Hang in there!! --- Tonya emoticon

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MERRY_XMAS 11/10/2012 2:48AM

    We have all used our weight as excuse. Many many people are using food as comfort in life and getting out of your comfort zones can be a tricky and difficult thing to do.

When I lost my weight (I was 19 the first time, then I regained it and I lost it now again - I hope for the last time) I was really sad because one of my friends who was always beautiful and thin continued to get all the attention from boys, although I was thin, too. For some hours (yeah, it was only hours, I get to my senses pretty soon) I thought I was a loser (in life, not weight) but then I decided that even if boys don't see me as a love interest, I really liked what I saw in the mirror. So even if nobody thought I was attractive, I thought so, and decided that this was enough. And to be honest, it was... Some weeks after there were so many options that I could actually decide whom I wanted to be with.

So, stay true to yourself and I'm sure you are gonna make it! You deserve it; we all did and we all do because we have fought for every bite we haven't eaten.

emoticon

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DEBSZOO74 11/9/2012 11:48PM

    Stephanie, I read your whole blog. It was awesome, and so are you! Sometimes just putting your thoughts into words can help, and I hope that's the case for you. I'm glad that BLC20 and being on the Sheriffs is helping you and hope it continues to do so. Stay strong and hang in there! We're here for you!! emoticon

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GEMINIGEM6 11/9/2012 11:08PM

    I swear we're sisters! I could have written this myself! I have done the exact same thing in the past. I got down to 205 at one point last year then it went right back up to 209.....stayed there a min...the ended up steadily going up and up til i gained all of it back except about 3lbs! I think it is scary when all you've known is being overweight and like you said, being able to blame it when things don't go our way. I have thought that to myself more times than I can count. 'Oh he cheated on me cuz I'm fat', 'he couldn't commit cuz I'm fat'..'I shouldn't try out for that job cuz they're just gonna see I'm fat and think I don't care about myself'..blah blah blah. I understand this post SO much b/c it is me!! I pray you will be able to overcome these thoughts and move on toward adventures and exciting things in your life that you DESERVE just because! Not because you're overweight or not overweight. I pray we both can do this. Haven't we put ourselves through enough?? emoticon emoticon

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EATVEGAN 11/9/2012 8:59PM

    I'm so glad you are looking into this situation now. I'm not really facing these issues, but maybe that is because when the fat is gone, I will have my age to hide behind. I hope I won't use that as an excuse not to be all I can be. Thanks for the great blog. You know you hit a sore spot for many. Just look at the length of the comments.

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JESSICA_STULTZ 11/9/2012 11:52AM

    I feel the same way.. In fact.. It seems like every time I feel like I am doing REALLY good. I seem to start self sabotaging. It's like 'Oh I know I shouldn't have this.. but I'm going to anyways.' In fact.. since I am at 200 pounds this week hasn't gone very good eating wise. Thinking about it I think I am just subconsciously self sabotaging myself.. in which I will probably blogging something similar. It's frustrating because I want to succeed.. but I need to figure out how to keep going instead of ruining my success. It's definitely hard to succeed when you have so much going on with the self conscious thing as well. Even though my husband says otherwise.. I feel like he'd love me more if I was thinner/If I was thinner I could do this or that. It sucks. You are doing so well with losing weight.. so I hope today is a better day for you! You deserve this weightloss for yourself. I agree that it is a scary thought of using the weight as something to hide behind as for relationships, etc.. but as the quote on Juno says.. "Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ***. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with." Edited the cuss word as I believe SP doesn't like that. I will say.. One of your best attributes (that I see because I don't personally know you) is your perseverance! You push on no matter what obstacles or set backs you have.
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BETHIEBOOPS 11/9/2012 2:57AM

    Ah! What a great blog post! I love your honesty - and I completely get it!

GRACEMCC45's post is almost exactly what I would've said if she hadn't done it first - with the addition of something CS Lewis said, "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind"

It's okay to be terrified about what will happen. It's perfectly normal, even, to worry about who you will be under 200lbs. But the good news is, that you don't have to figure it out today or tomorrow. Thank God that we had our teenage decade to angst about who we were becoming before adulthood, and our 20s to figure out what that all meant. We didn't become who we are in a day or with a good "think"- only by believing that tomorrow will be worth leaving today for.

I have one question for you Steph, What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? Go for that thing. If that thing is being 170 pounds, by God, GO FOR IT.

I'm so proud of you for being so in tune with yourself and your body. Now YOU can rise the victor over your body and strive for the goal set before you.


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WEBEZE 11/9/2012 1:52AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon You have expressed very well how a lot of us feel. I have used my weight as a shield for years. It is something I have to face as I continue shrinking.

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DUMBBELLE84 11/9/2012 1:29AM

  I think there's something in the air. You're not alone, my dear.
I have faith that we will overcome this. Big hugs for you!!

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JUSTLIKEALICE 11/8/2012 10:22PM

    Go you. You are very self aware. :)

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IRONBLOSSOM 11/8/2012 9:30PM

    Gosh, please don't apologize for this blog, it's SO incredibly relateable. As others are saying, this is how everyone feels (which I didn't know until I read their comments!) and it's exactly, 100% how I feel. And the exact same reasons. "Oh, that person was rude to me because I'm fat." "Oh, that guy didn't hit on me because I'm fat" (What is really ridiculous about that one is that I have a boyfriend and in one specific instance I'm thinking about the guy KNEW I had a boyfriend yet I blamed him not hitting on me on the fat! WTH!?) "I get paid less because I'm fat, I have less clients because I'm fat, my clothes just look bad because I'm fat."

Oh yeah, I have all those negative scripts too. I've only lost 20 pounds, and I hate to add that "only" onto it but NOBODY's noticed...which gives me the feeling that I should just give up! If nobody notices that I've lost weight, why the heck should I bother!?!?

Because we (I) feel better about myself, to change those negative scripts, to be the person we (I) want to be, to do the things we (I) want to do! Pick one, pick any, pick all!!

Thanks again, I actually feel like there's a little less weight on my chest from reading this.

Have a great weekend!

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JACOBSBELOVED 11/8/2012 6:01PM

    First off, yay for accountablility! I love that your BLC group is making you think about your choices. We can't always do it by ourselves so I'm glad you found something that helps you.

Second, everything you said was so relatable! I haven't gotten as far as you have with my weight loss but I can understand it is difficult to put yourself completely out there. You could always blame your weight when you didn't necessarily get the things you wanted, even if it may be that you weren't the best candidate or you weren't the perfect match for something. On the other hand, it could have been your weight that held you back if you didn't always interview with the most confidence in yourself or if you were ever in a relationship and you felt like you didn't deserve love because you were over weight. Your weight could have mentally messed with you and maybe that's why things didn't work out. You will still need the confidence and you will still need to love yourself, no matter what your weight is.

I think I may have just gotten off on another tangent that you didn't really bring up. Sorry!

But yeah, to simplify it and to make it more relatable to your blog, everything you said makes sense. :)

Third, don't worry about your blog being too long. This writing is therapeutic for you and you don't need to worry about anyone else. :)

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HEATHERFREE 11/8/2012 5:45PM

    Don't apologize for the the blog! I LOVED it and have been patiently waiting for another one. I totally get what you are saying I'm right there, I use my weight as an excuse for EVERYTHING. every problem, every failure, every bad feeling or situation. And you know what Stephanie? I really think the past month or so you have pushed pushed pushed and now your at the last little bit and it is scary but I really think its time to SLOOOOOOOWWW it down. Get back to one day at a time, have some maintaining weeks, because for me personally the winter is the hardest and if your trying to do everything the same as your were it may just pull you back, so my advice is to slow it down and then amp it up again in spring or sooner if your super stable strong minded again for your final goal weight. And I REALLY feel like KAESEA78, i havent lost tons yet and its not a huge difference in pics yet but I am already hating the way my body is looking now, and I know I hated it more before but my mind is saying "oh no NOW you look WAY WORSE with your stomach hanging down lower and lower" This journey is ALL about our minds. We have to rewire EVERYTHING and change our self talk, body image, thought processes when dealing with stress, nervousness, anxiety just everything. ugh its insane. But we are all on the right path and will soon be getting our minds to follow our bodies progress :) You rule! dont feel pressured! If you slow down a bit I wont lie, it'll make me happier so I can catch up again! :) SERIOUSLY!

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GRACEMCC45 11/8/2012 5:24PM

    Of *course* you are scared of success!! Welcome to being successful at weight loss!

The excess weight we carry/carried becomes part of our self-identity. It's more than just physical. We have had to change our attitudes, adapt our personalities to prove that we too can be just as vibrant, attractive, and worthy as those who are normal weight.

Hiding behind the fat becomes parading despite the fat. So what are you gonna do when it's gone? What will protect you from the outward judgment that others *do and will* pass on you?

Those are scary questions!! It's 100% normal and OKAY to be scared, Stephanie.

You are doing fantastic. Focus on your positives. You will still be you when you've gone and shrunk. Still funny, charismatic, realistic and poignant. Still fantastic at your job, a loving granddaughter and a princess. You think Cinderella wasn't peeing in her pants when she got transformed from a maid to the belle of the ball?


*Side story* Where I work, there are some, hmmmm... shady, somewhat inappropriate male clients that at times prey on the younger, more attractive female nurses. I never *ever* had to face the problem of being leered at. The first time it happened in my weight loss, I was scared sh*tless. How did this come to be!?


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PRINCESSAMY 11/8/2012 2:38PM

    THAT WAS emoticon BLOG!!!

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HFAYE81 11/8/2012 10:11AM

    I am EXACTLY like you...every time I drop some weight I freak out in a happy good way but then self sabotage. I'm not "rewarding" myself with food, I just feel uncomfortable mentally. The layer of fat is like a shield. It's an excuse for failure, that way it isn't me that failed, its my fat body. People at work have been commenting on my weight loss too, but it embarrasses me. Why?!?! This whole ordeal is not only hard physically when you push yourself in workouts, but even more hard mentally and emotionally. I'm so glad I'm not alone...neither are you!!! emoticon

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 11/8/2012 10:10AM

    It is very scary to no longer be able to blame your fat for things not going how you hoped. Hope you work through it:) emoticon I hope you won't let the fear keep you from reaching your goals emoticon

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SONIA260 11/8/2012 9:50AM

    You are NOT alone....I struggle with these very feelings every day....we will learn to survive without the fat excuse though, in time :)

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TIMELAG 11/8/2012 9:36AM

    emoticon This is a scary thing we are doing- completely changing our lives. First of all, you are to be celebrated for your achievement so far! But second, you are nearing a major milestone. The fear of what that means can hold you back or it can set you free. Only you can choose which route to take, but we will all be there for you!

I think a lot of us hide behind that shield of fat, and use it as an excuse, like you mentioned. It takes a lot of courage to get rid of that! I have no doubt you can do it!

And, if my little challenge to "race" to ONEderland put any undue pressure on you, I am SO sorry! I did that for purely selfish reasons, just looking for a teammate at about my weight that my ultra-competitive self could "fight" against. I should have thought about the rammifications of that challenge. emoticon

Hang in there!

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SLENDERMAMA1 11/8/2012 9:13AM

    No one likes change but it happens anyway. You can choose how to change or be swept up willynilly by events.

emoticon on losing 60 lbs.

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Comment edited on: 11/8/2012 9:13:50 AM

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PATRICIA4472 11/8/2012 8:42AM

    I read the whole blog, too - and think you have great insight into yourself, and I applaud you. Shine a light on it, and you can deal with it. You go, girl! I'm on another team in BLC20 and it's been a way to keep me accountable, too. So proud of you!! emoticon

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MYHUBBYISMYHERO 11/8/2012 6:57AM

    Stephanie,
I think that you clearly and most elegantly gave words to your thoughts. Change is scary for all the reasons you described and then some. I definitely am my worst enemy. That is a big reason why I stopped eating desserts, candy, etc. I know from decades long of practice that I can't just eat one cookie or one handful of potato chips. Why did I ever think that this time would be different? You can do this my dear.
Sharon

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LRSILVER 11/8/2012 6:54AM

    I read the whole thing, and I think you have great insight into how you are feeling. I think you are being very brave and facing your fears. I know you will be able to conquer this and move forward. But you have to love yourself. You have to do this for you. So you can be healthy, so you can be fit. There will always be challenges in life. You are powerful and will be able to meet them! . I hope you are able to put the overeating behind you and forget what other people think, and love yourself.

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KAESEA78 11/8/2012 6:13AM

    Oh man how I feel you. I think I have actually blogged something similar. I am also so afraid of still hating the way I look when I do get to goal. Like, from all the skin and such. I feel like if I put in all the work and still don't like my body then I will just go right back. Then I will feel even more horrible and so on and so forth...that is a horrible outlook but it is how I feel sometimes. Being fat has ruined my brain, for real. I know it sounds silly, but truly it has reeked havoc.

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Consistency: 55lbs down, 37 to go.

Sunday, October 28, 2012



So consistency is totally the key to me losing 55 pounds, and it will be the tool I continue to use to lose 37 more. I have been on Spark daily now for just over 7 months! That is the longest I have to stuck with any diet or lifestyle plan. 55 pounds is the most I've EVER lost during any weight loss attempt. 217 is the lowest weight I've seen in at least 5 years! emoticon I have bad days, I have noticed a trend of me having about 6 bad days a month. 6 sounds like a lot, it's almost a week, but it's amazing how if we hang in there and emoticon , we can just keep on going.

I am sort of tweaking some things right now, only just a bit. I now have a fitness goal of working out 5 days for sure, 6 if I'm up to it. I used to push myself so hard to meet these calories burned goals that were making me miserable. Why would I want to be miserable?

So the revamped plan is to burn 1320 calories per week. That number works out great for me.

My goals are now set to lose 1.4 pounds a week which has me at a max calorie range of 1720. Now that is some calories I can work with! I don't find myself eating extra just "because I can", but on those hungrier days I am happy to use them up.

With the Holidays coming and a vacation to my Grandma's house for 6 days out of my beautiful 24 day vacation (I can't freakin' wait you guys LOL emoticon), there is going to be some buffet eating (she lives in Vegas baby). There is going to be some indulging, but at the end of the day consistency is what matters. What we do the majority of the time is what can get us to where we want to go, or stop us dead in our tracks. It took me so long to learn this, but now that I did I'm holding on tight!

Consistency took me from 272ISH:


To 217 (photo shows 227 but close enough, new pictures at 60lbs down for sure):


^217

And I know it'll take me right down the road to Onederland!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBSZOO74 11/7/2012 9:18PM

    You are doing GREAT, Stephanie! emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 11/6/2012 9:13PM

    Boom! You got this thing in the bag!

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JECKIE 11/5/2012 8:19AM

    emoticon

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MUTANTQUEEN 10/31/2012 6:22PM

    Perfect! Doesn't it feel great to start to put the pieces together? Congratulations on your success!

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HEATHERFREE 10/30/2012 11:27PM

    LOVE IT!!! yes consistency is key.......if only I could consistently do the good things! lol I'm still going just very slowly, but I'm okay with that, because that number on the scale is still going down. I ahhh! just can't believe you are this close to onederland!!!! and NEVER goin back to the twos EVER!!! I can't wait til i get there!

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5KGRANNY 10/29/2012 6:16PM

    Good job Stephanie!! Only go through the buffet once---they can be killers. Have a great vacation.

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PRINCESSAMY 10/29/2012 3:34PM

    emoticon

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KAESEA78 10/29/2012 5:34AM

    Hey lady-this is awesome. You are also a very consistent spark friend and I truly need and appreciate that!!! You are so close to onederland and I am so proud of you! Thank you for always being there for us to lean on or to use you as a sounding board. I hope you enjoy your vaca!!!

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JESSICA_STULTZ 10/29/2012 2:02AM

    I always love the comparison pictures. So nice to be able to be able to recognize the changes that way. I look in the mirror and don't see significant changes in my stomach region.. but when I look at pictures and compare it is a big difference. Congrats on making it as far as you have, staying consistent, and making it past the rough parts in your journey. So glad to see you have not given up, even when you know you've had rough days. PS. I'm not sure there is one of us on this site that doesn't have a bad day every now and then. Just gotta keep pushing on and do what you do best, kick that weigh to the curb! (Which you have clearly been doing quite well!) 55 is a big number! You will hit that 37 more in no time.. and I will still be right here cheering you on!
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WEBEZE 10/28/2012 10:39PM

    emoticon Your are doing great. I don't worry so much any more about the day here or there that spikes. Looking at my weekly average gives me a better picture of how I am doing. Keep staying consistent and you will see onederland soon.
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EATVEGAN 10/28/2012 10:29PM

    With your attitude Onederland won't be far away. SP does a good job with their calorie in and out goals, but when it comes down to it, we each have to tweak things to fit us. You are so wise to be comfortable with that. Fifty-five lbs. Wow!! emoticon emoticon

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SRITHI97 10/28/2012 9:31PM

    You are doing Great!

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RALWINE 10/28/2012 9:04PM

    So proud of you!!! Can't wait to join you in Onederland, too. I will have to learn about this....Consistency...lol I don't do too badly, actually, but like you, I have my hungrier days. I usually have a couple and then I get back on track. When I look back, they weren't nearly as dramatic as they seemed at the time, either.

Keep Sparkling! Oh, and tell all about Adam Levine!

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LRSILVER 10/28/2012 5:31PM

    emoticon job.. emoticon you are doing emoticon
emoticon . emoticon

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TIMELAG 10/28/2012 3:22PM

    emoticon

Consistency is key!

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THESHELBSTER 10/28/2012 3:18PM

    Love this. You are amazing. So proud of you and love you lots.

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GEMINIGEM6 10/28/2012 3:11PM

    Girl you got this thing down to a science with the numbers! You are def going to reach your goal. I have no doubt about it! And look how great you look! What a difference! I can't wait to post pics like that myself again. Sigh. Lol. And you're right, it is def consistency that leads to the breakthrough!

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BKWERM 10/28/2012 2:12PM

    Congratulations! You are doing emoticon

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SHRINK_U 10/28/2012 12:31PM

    You are definitely on the road to ONEderland! woohoo!!!! You have done an amazing job with consistency. Look what you have done in 7 months... how exciting it is to think where you will be a year from now. Yay!!

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LUV4CHOCOLATE 10/28/2012 12:29PM

    Keep going, you are doing GREAT!

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SONIA260 10/28/2012 11:55AM

    awesome stuff!!!!!

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FITMAY 10/28/2012 11:50AM

    Totally emoticonjust emoticon you can reach your ultimate goal!
May

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FATTOFIT56 10/28/2012 11:30AM

    emoticon
I am glad I read your blog. ts so motivational. emoticon on your weight los

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GLASSART43 10/28/2012 9:59AM

    Keep up the good work!
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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 10/28/2012 9:57AM

    You are so right. Consistency is key. Congrats!

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_KATHY 10/28/2012 9:37AM

    That's where it's at. Living your life and having fun and being consistent with what you eat and your exercise. Great job!

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CANES4EVER63 10/28/2012 8:44AM

    WOO! Keep up the amazing work!!

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TACONES 10/28/2012 8:21AM

    Great job. emoticon

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WELLNESSME09 10/28/2012 7:24AM

    You did it! good for you!
You are a great inpiration!! emoticon

Keep up the good work! emoticon

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KITT52 10/28/2012 7:08AM

    great job...just keep pushing for the best...you deserve it....
this is a long and winding road but you can do it.....it will make such a change in your life....

I have been with Spark People over 6 year, lost 200+ pounds and have kept it off for nearly 3 years now....

and your right I did it by being consistent, not perfect but consistent....


Have a healthy week

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CHICAT63 10/28/2012 6:53AM

    Woohoo you are doing awesome, because you are !!!!! emoticon For me planning is the key.

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AELI2468 10/28/2012 6:47AM

    That is amazing progress in 7 months. You should be so proud of yourself!
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MARI-SERV 10/28/2012 5:57AM

    I am impressed !! Excellent job emoticon

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RIDLEYRIDER 10/28/2012 5:51AM

  Keep up the great work!!! emoticon

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GRACEMCC45 10/28/2012 5:32AM

    Whoop whoop! Look at ya go!

I love your attitude here - You are doing amazing girl!!!

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TCANNO 10/28/2012 5:22AM

    Well done
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CARPENTERGAL 10/28/2012 5:20AM

    Way to go awesome job on staying consistent... it really does seem so hard at times. I am working on that right now though I havent been tooo horrible LOL. Your going to hit that magical world of Oneder land soon i know you will... keep up the great work YOU CAN DO IT!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BLC MidRound Challenge/2 lbs a week is hard LOL.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

I am 6 weeks into the BLC 20, and the challenge is to look at what we've done so far and see how we are going to do things moving forward. I started the challenge at 227 and as of Wednesdays weigh in I am 217.4. My goal for this challenge was to lose 18 pounds during the 12 weeks. So I am still on target to reach my goal.

However this Wednesday I had decided that I would push super hard and go for 2 pounds this week. Well that's how this is going:



So we all know that 2 pounds a week means 1000 calorie deficit per day, sounds easy enough, right? WRONG. So my range was maxed out at 1550 and I tried to up my calories burned to 2800, which for me is quite a bit more than usual. Plus I added calorie cycling in the mix because I was going to dinner Friday and would need the extra calories. In theory this was a great plan.

Reality was that instead of the allotted 2000 I had for Friday, I went on an eating spree ending the day at 2900. I'm ending Saturday at 1850. But I was telling myself I needed to eat around 1200 for the next 3 days to "make up" for that horrible day. That was also a FAIL! As you can see, my 1850 was nowhere near 1200 and I have done this in the past. It leads me into a restrict/binge/restrict/binge cycle. Obviously, that is no good!

So my plan for the next 6 weeks of BLC (and beyond) is to have my calorie range set for 1.5 pounds a week. I have been losing between 1.2 and 1.5 pounds a week anyways, and I am pleased with the progress. As long as I am headed towards Onederland, then I am happy. This journey is all about trial and error and most importantly learning from our mistakes. So just like I am the first to toot my own horn after something good, I also want to the first to step up and say "something is not right here". So I'm just going to keep on pushing, right into Onederland. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THESHELBSTER 10/28/2012 3:21PM

    You will be in ONEderland in no time! Keep rocking girl! you are doing awesome in the BLC-20 challenge.

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EATVEGAN 10/26/2012 11:55PM

    It's so tempting when we aren't losing quite as fast as we'd like to mess with the program that has been successful for us. I've always been a good dieter, so I was tempted to eat less and lose faster. Thankfully, I realized that that was a good way to fail by becoming hungry and feeling deprived. This is eating for a lifetime, so there is no hurry. It's not like we get to go back to old habits when we reach goal. So I figure, relax and enjoy all the NSVs along the way. They are coming faster and faster.

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MYHUBBYISMYHERO 10/25/2012 3:42PM

    Stephanie,
Keep your goals in mind and stop beating yourself up. You can do this.
Sharon

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DAOCCHICA 10/24/2012 12:27AM

    Awesome way to look at things! I have been doing horrible during this blc.. except for the first week (kinda like the real biggest loser show lol). Sounds like you are really working hard to reach your goals though, and I think trial and error is the best way anyways! At leas you are tracking calories.. I am not .. although I am being very mindful about what I eat and portion sizes, etc. You are doing awesome!!! Keep at it!!

btw love the kitty fail/facepalm pics lol

Comment edited on: 10/24/2012 12:28:28 AM

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GEMINIGEM6 10/23/2012 10:31PM

    I am just so proud of you! Your attitude is so great!!! I need a lil of that for myself. And OMG I love the kitty facepalm! Lmao! You are on your way and you are going to be in Onederland before you know it!

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IMSOOZEEQ 10/23/2012 2:55AM

    Love love love the pics! Face palm! lol priceless! You are doing so well and I know I don't have to go into a long drawn out comment here as we have been discussing this in detail already. I am so proud of you and I am glad that you are pushing forward toward Onederland! I have the confetti ready to go!!!

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PRINCESSAMY 10/22/2012 2:34PM

    emoticon That is all you can do!!!

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WEBEZE 10/21/2012 10:48PM

    Learning from out bumps in the road makes us stronger. I have been averaging 1 pound a week. Been stuck the last 2 weeks with only 1/2 pound per week, but as I have learned along the way I will have weeks where I hit 2 pounds and then it ends up averaging out to my steady pace of 1 per week.
Slow and steady will keep us heading in the right direction.
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LAHUDSONCHEF 10/21/2012 9:26PM

    Good job on not succumbing to old patterns! emoticon

I couldn't push myself to the 2lbs/week level, either. Just not happening with this body! But, 1-1.5lbs/week is working very well, and it's a rate I'm really happy with.

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EMMAEKAY 10/21/2012 2:21PM

    Great job recognizing that unhealthy cycle! You're doing awesome - keep going!

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JECKIE 10/21/2012 2:12PM

    SO proud of you! I think the key to this whole weight loss chaos is to recognize what works FOR YOU and adjust accordingly. You're rocking this challenge, making the adjustments needed, and continuing to be successful. I love it!

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GRACEMCC45 10/21/2012 1:34PM

    It's all about the learning curve. Better to find a middle range that is going to work for you than to get into the restrict/binge cycle.

Keep up the great work!

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LRSILVER 10/21/2012 9:57AM

    Good for you. 1 1/2 pounds is a more reasonable goal. Keep up the great work!!


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BETHIEBOOPS 10/21/2012 9:09AM

    Way to listen to your needs! What works for one person, won't for another and it's really awesome that you figured it out so fast. You go girl!

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SONIA260 10/21/2012 8:26AM

    you are sooooo freaking close!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Isn't it awesome just knowing that you are totally committed, cause you didn't throw in the towel!!!! Trial and error is soooo important, and seems you have it down!!!

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