Thursday, October 11, 2012
I'm going to take a guess that most of us on here have had quite a few weight loss attempts in the past, and in the long run those attempts have failed. What are you doing to make this time different?
I was just checking out this chart that Spark offers on it's report, and it's quite depressing.
October of 2010 I weighed in at 264 pounds, and as the chart shows I struggled. I got down to around 247 there for a minute. Then where it dips down really low is when I had a broken leg and I wasn't eating very much. I got down to 228, in July of 2011, woohoo! But then you can see the increase after that. Once I was "better" and was able to stuff myself full of fast food, that is exactly what I did. Watching that cute little chart climb back up to even new highs is just so heart breaking. All the way up to 262 in March of this year, and then I started my steady decline and that is the way I plan to keep this chart moving.
This time is different for me because:
: I am not on a PLAN. I am eating whatever I want and tracking everything. This behavior will continue to some extent forever. May I get to a point where I can start to "eyeball" 1/2 a cup of something accurately, maybe I will. But there will always be some form of tracking and monitoring my intake. For now that includes precise measurements.
: I will not slip back into my everyday fast food habit. It is now a rare treat, but not a way of life.
: I realize I have to exercise forever, not until. I used to think "I can't wait to get to XXX weight so that I can stop exercising." How silly is that. Now I tell myself "I can't wait to lose XX more pounds because my exercises will become easier.
: I no longer let one bad day, or even a bad week derail me. Luckily I haven't had a bad WEEK while starting this in March, but that may very well happen. But I now realize that one week of poor choices do not undo months of hard work.
: This is the first time I can SEE myself reaching Onederland, and going on to goal. This is the first time the plan I am using to lose weight will be the same as my maintenance plan. MAINTENANCE?! I never once thought about that on any previous attempt, this time is different.
: I have successful and amazing Spark friends who not only support me, but dazzle me with THEIR successes. It really keeps me motivated to keep on trucking.
So that is why this time is different for me. I am not going to eat better and exercise "until" I get to goal, this is the way of life and something I am learning to embrace. Sometimes I embrace it kicking and screaming, but 9 times out of 10, I get the job done. In fact, I'm currently not feeling 's and 's about this whole thing, which is the reason for this blog. A friendly reminder to myself if you will.
If you are up to it, I'd love to hear why this time is different for YOU!
Sunday, October 07, 2012
So first I gotta address the hypocrite status, because I'm fully aware that a little over a week ago I said I was stepping back from the blogs. So anyone that wants to throw rotten tomatoes, the floor is yours.
This is just for my select handful of Spark Friends that have asked how I was doing and stuff... and it makes me warm and fuzzy that you guys care about how I am doing.
So yesterday was just a terrible terrible day. I know the point of this blog was to share things with my Spark buddies, but to be honest there are some things I just have no desire to discuss. So let's just say it was a rough day, and I was at work. I am also on my TOM and the cramps are horrible. I am now starting birth control in hopes that it is going to help my cramps and all things associated with that girlie time. So fingers crossed for that one.
I had the HUGEST frozen yogurt from Yogurtland yesterday that was essentially my dinner. Bad, bad Stephanie. The worst part was, I didn't even care! Nope. Not one bit. I had oreos, reese's, cheesecake bites on top of it. I didn't track it and I didn't care. It scared me a little but I couldn't be bothered.
I am having some issues with the boy, they are not huge issues and we actually were just texting and things seem to be okay, but let's just say I am definitely going to walk around with my heart a lot more guarded in terms of this boy. I still can not 100% say what his intentions and stuff are, so that is a process. So that was bothering me in addition to the super personal stuff that I am not comfortable sharing. I'm not trying to be a tease by mentioning that again, I just want people to know that it's not like one tiny problem I'm blowing out of proportion. I've got some crap going on for sure LOL.
So I fully intended to stay in my pj's all day today, which NSV time. I found a fuzzy pair of jammie pants that I couldn't wear for a whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile, they are just an extra large. Of course they stretch like crazy, but THEY FIT. With my "bottom stomach" and "butt" being the largest part around, I can very easily need 1x or 2x stretchy things to get them to fit. So I am happy about that, they are so comfy!
I am going to watch some movies and I'm not going to lie, I'm going to have a good cry. I cried myself to sleep this morning (don't be alarmed) and it helped, so if I have to let any more out I will.
But here's the bad part. I fully woke up today thinking I was going to binge. In fact, I was going to binge and I didn't care about it. I wanted to drive to the one place, get a grilled cheese, patty melt, and chili cheese fries. I was going to eat the grilled cheese and half the fries for lunch and the rest for dinner.
I would love to sit here and tell you all that I woke up this morning and said to myself, "Stephanie, you are better than that! You are not going to harm your body, you are going to do what's right and you are going to fight for this weight loss you want so badly!" That did not happen. I was already thinking about what my order would be, but then I decided to peek ever so slightly at the scale. I saw....
218.6!!! I was 220.2 just last Wednesday. Could it be a fluctuation? Probably. Could that mean by this weigh in Wednesday that I'm back to 220.2, it could happen. But that made me not want to binge. Any port in a storm as my Gammie always says. So instead I am going to make a patty melt at home, and track all my calories.
I have an exercise streak with my girl Susan... 30 minutes of exercise a day and I think today will be day 16. I don't know if I can do it. I really don't, I am really struggling today, but we will see what happens.
So that is what is going on with me... I know that doesn't go into the juicy tidbits, but I just can't do it right now, but I heart everyone who has reached out to me and checked on me and you all keep me going even when I don't really want to.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
So I posted the A1C number on my last blog, and it was a 5.8. I knew instantly it wasn't good but upon more research I came to find out that it is indeed considered pre diabetes.
I'm not worried at all. Is that cocky or arrogant? Maybe it is. But here is why. All these things I've read have said the #1 way to reverse it is by losing weight and adding exercise. Well I've been doing that for 6 months. If I had been doing nothing about my health, that number would have thrown me for a loop and a lot of reevaluation on my part. But that isn't the case. I don't need to spring into action now, based on a number... I sprung into action 6 months ago when I dropped this 40 pounds.
Even my diabetic Dad who is completely obsessed with that kind of stuff (and rightfully so), he did not even lecture me for a second about the "alarming number". And let me tell you, he loves to lecture me, and well, ANYONE! He simply said that continuing what I've been doing for months would be what it takes to lower that number and make myself healthier in all counts.
Even for giggles, I let Spark People change my nutritional ticker for those with diabetes/pre diabetes, and it left my calories alone. It lowered my carbs, fat and protein. I put in a typical day of what I eat out of curiosity, and I was well within the diabetic ranges which were even a tad more strict than the regular Spark ranges.
So that is where I'm at at this point. I left my ticker on the diabetic settings, because I figured that is the best thing for my current situation. If the number stays the same or goes up when I go back next year, that will blow my mind, because I fully intend to lose 40-50 pounds in the next year (if it takes THAT long), and that will be a separate can of worms. But thank goodness everything I read said even losing 5-10% of your weight can reverse it, and I am going to double that. So according to everything I've read, that number should absolutely be a lot better by this time next year, after a loss of 40 or 50 pounds.
With that said, I am taking a huge step back from Spark for a little bit. Now time out... it's not what you think. I am still going to talk to my circle of friends on a daily basis, I am still going to comment on their blogs regularly, I am still going to log in everyday, log my fitness, track my calories. I am still going to continue to participate in the BLC 20... So I guess I mean I'm just going to step back from the blogging and the putting so much of myself out there. It seems that you can't put yourself out there without getting a shred of negativity from someone, and I can have 20 amazingly supportive comments, but 1 remark from someone that is... not so supportive can send me for a tailspin. So for the time being, the only blogs that are going to come from me will be BLC 20 related, OR milestone related (60 pounds lost, 70 pounds lost, NSV, etc). I think that is what is best for me at this point. :)
*And just to add, if you are one of my TRUE and fabulous Spark Friends, you can be assured this does not pertain to you. *
Friday, September 28, 2012
Okay, I'm a dork. Old news. But that is what came to mind when I had to go to my physical. So I haven't been in 3 years. I don't know, just not a fan of being told I'm fat and need to lose weight. I've known that since about age 12, and don't need some chick to tell me that again.
My dad (who has always been super active and healthy), my grandma and uncle all have diabetes... so I thought I should kind of figure out where I stand. So that was my main reason for going. I got so much stuff done, I feel a little violated LOL, my arm is still sore from the tetanus shot, and got a flu shot too.
So this was my first time getting the A1C, and I'm a 5.8. It was pretty confusing at first, because I read on one line that up to 6 is "normal range" and then the next line down on any given site says that is considered pre diabetes. From what I understand (and anyone who can correct me, PLEASE do. I am just now learning about all of this through google LOL), under 5.7 is considered a normal/healthy range and 5.7-6.4 is prediabetes with diabetes begins at 6.5.
That is definitely an eye opener, and it honestly wasn't shocking. Considering my weight issues and family history, I knew it wouldn't be an outstanding number or anything like that. So it now gives me something to work towards.
Everything else might I add was all good and in range! My cholesterol and things of that sort have dropped a lot since 2009. The weirdest thing is, I MUST be growing up (finally) LOL, because now I WANT to go back next year for my physical and "beat" my numbers. Before I was just thinking about the numbers on the scale, but now there are other numbers that are a factor.
I am very thankful for my health, especially with being as overweight as I was, and still am, and I am going to continue to fight to keep it that way. :)
Edit: After hours of reading, I do understand that it is considered pre diabetes. My blood glucose test came back beyond normal, so that part was good but I know according to the other test it is considered pre diabetes. The outstanding news is that everything I've read has said losing just 5-7% of your body weight can help reverse the problem. Since I fully intend to lose another 40-50 pounds, I am hopeful that I will be able to reverse this between now and next year.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
A challenge for the Biggest Loser Competition I'm in, so don't mind me. ;)
*Define The Number*
My goal weight is 180. There was a lot of thought into considering that goal, it wasn't a number I pulled out of the sky. I have not been under 200 pounds since before I was 18. So for me, a super tiny number didn't seem realistic, especially with my starting weight of 272. I felt and still feel that 180 is a place where I could be very happy and comfortable with my weight. I have recently thought about going to 170, but I figured I could decide when I get to my goal. I need a goal I can reach and feel like it is attainable. In the past I would make such lofty goals and I would never get there, but this time it isn't going to happen. The idea of hitting my goal and Onederland specifically will really make me feel like I have accomplished something great. To be able to look in the mirror and be proud of what I see will be huge for me.
For right now the short term goal is to get in a pair of size 18 jeans that I had purchased. I am currently in a size 20, down from a 24, and I just might be able to squeeze into those babies by the end of BLC 20.
Non scale Victories: I have had quiet a few, off the top of my head my ring that I am now able to wear after years of not being able to, fitting into clothes from 5 years ago that I couldn't fit into, going from a size 24 to a 20. Beating my fast food addiction, which was truly an addiction.
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