Thursday, January 14, 2010
So I really wanted those Shape Up shoes, but there was no way I was going to pay 100 bucks for them. Well my mom had 30 percent off at Kohl's, so they ended up being 70. I got ones that are just like black work shoes, so I can also wear them to work. I am a dispatcher and sit at a desk (12 hour shifts), but we have 2 - 30 minute breaks and 2 - 15 minute breaks, and I do enjoy walking around the building. Where we work it is very safe/secure and gated off, so no one is up there except the people that work there. They were very comfortable, and I can't wait to get moving in them.
I got the Walk Away The Pounds dvds, 1, 2, and 3 mile walks. I did the 1 mile yesterday, and it felt great to get moving. My knees didn't hurt at all after doing them, so I'm very excited about incorporating this into my daily routine, and working my way up to the 3 mile walk.
It's amazing how these two simple things have gotten me EXCITED about exercising. Now if I only can only find something that gets me excited about eating healthy;) LOL.
I also realized today I am so sick of saying "I've lost 15 pounds" (I saw my parents, and my mom asked). I can't wait til I can say I've lost 20... 25... and so on:)
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I have tried to lose weight many times before... each time I always have some form of success. Whether that is 5 pounds or 40 pounds before I throw in the towel, I do have initial success. I read a BLOG on here it was talking about being afraid to be thin. I thought that was an interesting thought, but didn't think it pertained to me...
But I started thinking, I have ALWAYS been the fat girl. I am the funny, sweet, super dooper nice fat girl. The one that everyone turns to when they are need help, advice, comfort, or someone to just hang out with and have a good time. Why do they always turn to me? Because I essentially don't have a life of my own.. and why don't I have a life of my own? Simple. I'm fat. I take myself out of situations where I don't think I'll feel comfortable because I am self concious of my weight.
I don't know how to be anything else. This is all I've known my entire life. I love to make excuses, only to myself, and never out loud. 'He would have totally wanted to date me if I wasn't fat', 'It would be fun to go to that club with my friends, but I don't want to be the fattest person there'. I am sitting here thinking, that if I lose this weight and get medium (I know I will never be skinny skinny, I just want to be medium) I will have nothing to hide behind. As much as I hate this fat that is on my body, I apparently don't mind hiding behind it. Heaven forbid I actually have to admit 'that guy just doesn't like *me*' because I can't use my weight as an excuse.
It never occured to me that I was truly hiding behind this weight and using it as a crutch in so many ways. I obviously have a lot of psychological/emotional stuff to deal with when it comes to that. I honestly can see where I sabotage myself. I don't know how to be "medium" and I don't like the unknown.
But I need to get real about ALL of this, and start working on it. It is not simply the weight I have to worry about. I want to learn how to be happy with myself (regardless of weight), I want to start living life, and I will LEARN how to be medium. I will be the same person, just a lot lighter. I can still be funny, sweet, and a good friend in a smaller body. I need to get excited about the changes I am making instead of dragging my feet and taking steps backwards into old habits.
I just never realized what I was doing to myself until now. What an eye opener.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
I know 256 is by no means any great number... but it is the lowest I have been in at least 6 months. I hovered around 270 for a very long time. When I first hopped on the wagon, I got down to about 256.8. Then I got lazy, and managed to get back up to aboug 262. Well I have been slowly trying to get myself back on the wagon, and today I weighed in at 256. I am taking that and running with it! I am headed to the grocery store in a little while so that I can get some healthy food for the coming week. I will also be exercising for the first time in probably a week and a half. I am not going to let it slip away again. The fire has been lit under my rear again, and I'm ready see a number that starts 24_ instead of 25_!
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
I've seen that a lot lately, I was just wondering how you guys are liking that. I was thinking about trying those. I recently bought 2 "Prevention" dvds, they were dancing ones... I've only done 1, and I really enjoy it... but the walk away the pounds has sparked my interest. I am looking into getting the set with the 1, 2 and 3 mile walk. I think it would be fun to see the progress and that would keep me motivated to continue to do it:) I also wondered how many pounds the weights they use are? I have several sizes, and I even have ones that wrap around my wrists, so I'm hoping I can stick with those.
I exercised nearly everyday for two weeks, and then just stopped. I don't know why I do what I do... I was losing, I felt better... I kept getting better at my exercise dvd, and for no apparent reason I just stopped. I am not going to give up this battle, I want to lose this weight more then just about anything in this world, so I know I can do this:)
Sunday, January 03, 2010
One of my biggest problems with losing weight is me constantly eating fast food. While living with my parents we ate fast food constantly. Now that I am living on my own, I have been doing much better. However, there is that part of me that is so used to eating fast food, that I crave it. I eventually want to get to where I can have fast food maybe once or twice a month. I want it to be a rare treat as opposed to a daily occurence. I find myself slowly slipping back into old habits. One of the worst things, is everyday I work, they go on a "chow run". I had been good for a while, not ordering anything, but lately I've been slipping. So my new "mini challenge" for myself is starting now, not to have fast food at all for the rest of this month. I think eventually I will get to the point where I can have it once in a while without it effecting me, but right now it's better for me just not to deal with it at all. My birthday is the first week of February, and I'm sure I will go out to dinner once or twice to celebrate.
I know this may sound really silly, but I really feel that this is one of the *main* factors in my weight problem.
Get An Email Alert Each Time STEPH-KNEE Posts