STEPH-KNEE   68,634
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Being dragged behind the wagon...

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I am the most inconsistent person over the past two weeks. Everything from my eating to my exercising. One day I'm perfect, the next I'm eating junk. I also have come to realize that I am one of those people who is OBSESSED with the scale, and it was really messing with my motivation. I am one of those people who wakes up everyday and gets on the scale, and if it doesn't say what I want, I get discouraged. Logically I know that's ridiculous, and I only 'count' it once a week... but it is really messing with my mind. So I think I am going to put the scale up in the closet for about 2 weeks. I want to exercise CONSISTENTLY and stay in my calories CONSISTENTLY for 2 weeks and then get on the scale and see what I've done. I need to do something quick, because although I haven't FULLY stumbled back into my old habits, I see bits and pieces of them popping back up, and I don't like that.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARLA393 1/21/2010 11:52AM

    I am also one of those obsessed scale people. I get on it every day. It's just sitting there in the bathroom, so I'll step on a few times a day when I'm in there. I guess it's not very healthy to do that, but I don't really trust what it says. When I do everything right sometimes it doesn't move for 5 days. It's just a guideline I like to watch over it. It doesn't determine how I eat, so I guess I'm lucky. I've read so much stuff that talks about weight loss doesn't happen the day you do things, it happens over a period of days and weeks. So in those 5 days doing everything right, I could have burned enough calories to lose 2 pounds, but I don't actually see the drop until later. Week to week is a better guideline, and month to month is even better. I agree that putting the scale away if it's hurting you is a good idea. Don't keep things around that sabotage your progress! Keep it up girlie, I'm here rooting for you.

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KNICKGIRL 1/21/2010 8:48AM

    emoticon I know what you mean about the scale. I let it determine if I'm going to have a good day or bad day. This is why I force myself to only weigh in on Mondays. Great idea to put the scale away for a couple of weeks. That should help you get back on track! .. emoticon

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NWLIFESRC 1/21/2010 8:38AM

    Try to stay positive and do what feels right. There is no right or wrong way for this journey just your way. Keep the faith and be honest with yourself.

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New shoes, new dvd, new attitude!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

So I really wanted those Shape Up shoes, but there was no way I was going to pay 100 bucks for them. Well my mom had 30 percent off at Kohl's, so they ended up being 70. I got ones that are just like black work shoes, so I can also wear them to work. I am a dispatcher and sit at a desk (12 hour shifts), but we have 2 - 30 minute breaks and 2 - 15 minute breaks, and I do enjoy walking around the building. Where we work it is very safe/secure and gated off, so no one is up there except the people that work there. They were very comfortable, and I can't wait to get moving in them.

I got the Walk Away The Pounds dvds, 1, 2, and 3 mile walks. I did the 1 mile yesterday, and it felt great to get moving. My knees didn't hurt at all after doing them, so I'm very excited about incorporating this into my daily routine, and working my way up to the 3 mile walk.

It's amazing how these two simple things have gotten me EXCITED about exercising. Now if I only can only find something that gets me excited about eating healthy;) LOL.

I also realized today I am so sick of saying "I've lost 15 pounds" (I saw my parents, and my mom asked). I can't wait til I can say I've lost 20... 25... and so on:)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LISTLOADRUN 1/15/2010 9:57AM

    Those Leslie Sansone DVDs are wonderful - I truly believe I wouldn't have gotten as far as I have so far without them to kick start my exercise

Keep at it - you're doing great!

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ABRANNEWME2014 1/15/2010 2:36AM

    I hope you enjoy your new shoes...I have a pair of MBT's the original shape up and you're right the price can get up caught a nice sale.....I also love Leslie I run a team for walking away those lbs...she is great and so easy to do


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STEPH-KNEE 1/14/2010 11:08PM

    I know what you mean... the only people that know are my parents, and my grandma. A couple people have asked if I've lost wait and I just say 'oh maybe a couple pounds.' Because I have *so much* to lose, saying like 15 doesn't seem significant at all. I also can't stand people at my work knowing I am trying to lose weight, because it'll turn into a big thing, and they will tell me 'oh a burger won't kill you' or they'll turn into the food police. I think I am just getting sick of the number 15, because I've been at it so long, and I am disappointed I haven't been giving this my *all* recently :(

That is an awesome way to look at working out, I am gonna try and change my thoughts and say "I get to workout today" :) I feel so much better after I exercise, I just get lazy sometimes. I need to stop being lazy;)

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CARLA393 1/14/2010 10:58PM

    I haven't really told people how much weight I've lost. I mean, I tell my family whenever I have my weekly weigh ins, and my aunt knows too. But it's a bit awkward because I have 210 pounds to lose, and if I say, oh I've lost a little over 30 pounds to someone, they kinda look at me and think, really? lol.. or at least that's what I imagine them doing. I can gain 50 pounds and still fit in the same clothes. So I'm thinking when I lose 50 pounds it's not going to be much different. I think once I lose 100 then it will be noticeable. I'm so glad you're excited about working out! I am always excited to work out, lol. I love the gym. I read somewhere that you should think about it as a privilege. So instead of telling yourself man I have to workout today, you tell yourself, I get to workout today! It's more positive, and I find if I tell myself that I'm lucky to workout, I know I really believe it. Because I absolutely hate those days when I'm snowed in or unable to go to the gym, and I really do miss it!

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I Am My Own Worst Enemy

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I have tried to lose weight many times before... each time I always have some form of success. Whether that is 5 pounds or 40 pounds before I throw in the towel, I do have initial success. I read a BLOG on here it was talking about being afraid to be thin. I thought that was an interesting thought, but didn't think it pertained to me...

But I started thinking, I have ALWAYS been the fat girl. I am the funny, sweet, super dooper nice fat girl. The one that everyone turns to when they are need help, advice, comfort, or someone to just hang out with and have a good time. Why do they always turn to me? Because I essentially don't have a life of my own.. and why don't I have a life of my own? Simple. I'm fat. I take myself out of situations where I don't think I'll feel comfortable because I am self concious of my weight.

I don't know how to be anything else. This is all I've known my entire life. I love to make excuses, only to myself, and never out loud. 'He would have totally wanted to date me if I wasn't fat', 'It would be fun to go to that club with my friends, but I don't want to be the fattest person there'. I am sitting here thinking, that if I lose this weight and get medium (I know I will never be skinny skinny, I just want to be medium) I will have nothing to hide behind. As much as I hate this fat that is on my body, I apparently don't mind hiding behind it. Heaven forbid I actually have to admit 'that guy just doesn't like *me*' because I can't use my weight as an excuse.

It never occured to me that I was truly hiding behind this weight and using it as a crutch in so many ways. I obviously have a lot of psychological/emotional stuff to deal with when it comes to that. I honestly can see where I sabotage myself. I don't know how to be "medium" and I don't like the unknown.

But I need to get real about ALL of this, and start working on it. It is not simply the weight I have to worry about. I want to learn how to be happy with myself (regardless of weight), I want to start living life, and I will LEARN how to be medium. I will be the same person, just a lot lighter. I can still be funny, sweet, and a good friend in a smaller body. I need to get excited about the changes I am making instead of dragging my feet and taking steps backwards into old habits.

I just never realized what I was doing to myself until now. What an eye opener.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEPH-KNEE 1/13/2010 6:50AM

    Thanks everyone for the comments:)

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WEIGHTING4BABY 1/13/2010 5:39AM

    Same here. Never been skinny. No idea what it will be like. I'm the opposite though. I have no friends and no one really likes to be around me. Also a direct correlation to weight I'm assuming.
One day at a time!

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CERBERUS_ARSTD 1/13/2010 1:43AM

    We all have our defense mechanisms. I understand your frustration and hope you can be at peace with yourself.

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CARLA393 1/13/2010 1:30AM

    Yep, I feel the same way. I don't know what I will look like when I lose weight. I don't know what it's like to be normal. But I do know that I hide behind my weight also. I've stopped participating in things because I know I can't fit places, or keep up with people. It's sad really because I'm the kind of person who's up for anything. And I HATE when I have to turn down an opportunity because of my weight. So I can't wait until I get the weight off and I can do things that I've always wanted to do but couldn't. I used to always use being overweight as a crutch too. But I don't need it. I NEED to be healthy. I need to be physically and emotionally healthy. Pretending it's okay to be overweight is not okay, and I'm through telling myself that! You're right that it's going to take work to change how we perceive ourselves. I'm still working on that one. Definitely stay positive, I find that it's really helpful.

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    I wish you the best of luck in reaching all of your goals.

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256 and running with it!

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

I know 256 is by no means any great number... but it is the lowest I have been in at least 6 months. I hovered around 270 for a very long time. When I first hopped on the wagon, I got down to about 256.8. Then I got lazy, and managed to get back up to aboug 262. Well I have been slowly trying to get myself back on the wagon, and today I weighed in at 256. I am taking that and running with it! I am headed to the grocery store in a little while so that I can get some healthy food for the coming week. I will also be exercising for the first time in probably a week and a half. I am not going to let it slip away again. The fire has been lit under my rear again, and I'm ready see a number that starts 24_ instead of 25_!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EMILIEP3 1/8/2010 5:35AM

    Thats great! Just wondering if you have some spare matches. Cause I need a fire lit under me as well :)

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WEIGHTING4BABY 1/7/2010 5:25AM

    Yes! I love it!!:) Seeing a drop on the scale is a huge kick in the rear! woohooo. Let me know if I can help with anything

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CARLA393 1/6/2010 10:59PM

    That is so awesome! Congratulations! Run with it girl, as fast as you can. 330 is my first hurdle. The past 3 years I haven't been able to get below that number it seems. And I hope when I pass it that I never see it again. I have 9 pounds to lose to get under there, and I'm hoping to do that by the end of Jan! I would kill to be 256 lol. That is going to take me a long time to get to. Keep up the good work :)

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Walk Away The Pounds Anyone?

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

I've seen that a lot lately, I was just wondering how you guys are liking that. I was thinking about trying those. I recently bought 2 "Prevention" dvds, they were dancing ones... I've only done 1, and I really enjoy it... but the walk away the pounds has sparked my interest. I am looking into getting the set with the 1, 2 and 3 mile walk. I think it would be fun to see the progress and that would keep me motivated to continue to do it:) I also wondered how many pounds the weights they use are? I have several sizes, and I even have ones that wrap around my wrists, so I'm hoping I can stick with those.

I exercised nearly everyday for two weeks, and then just stopped. I don't know why I do what I do... I was losing, I felt better... I kept getting better at my exercise dvd, and for no apparent reason I just stopped. I am not going to give up this battle, I want to lose this weight more then just about anything in this world, so I know I can do this:)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DLHELGE 11/18/2013 10:11AM

  You go girl!!

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CARLA393 1/6/2010 11:13AM

    I've never done the WATP videos, but I have never heard anything bad about them. Anyone I know who's done them are always raving about it. I have workout tapes for the days I can't leave due to weather, but I prefer to go to the gym. I like to be out of my house, and in a different environment when I'm working out. My house is where all bad habits started. I used to have a REALLY basic Tae Bo video tape (yes a tape) years ago. It was in high school and I dropped about 30 pounds on it. Then got sick... And stopped. It was a lot of fun though. I hope you enjoy the WATP videos! Keep with it girl, you can do it :)

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STEPH-KNEE 1/6/2010 6:06AM

    I'm so with ya girl. It's like my body isn't built to be moving like that ha ha, maybe one day... so I really think this walking thing is gonna be great:)

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WEIGHTING4BABY 1/6/2010 5:51AM

    I used to be able to "dance" but now I'm throwing all this weight around it is like I have no coordination. lol. That's why I stuck to walking! haha

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STEPH-KNEE 1/6/2010 5:44AM

    Thanks so much!:) I went ahead and ordered them, I saw a clip of it on you tube, and it does look fun. And like you said, they aren't these really complicated and tricky moves:) I am coordinated when it comes to that stuff, but between the arthritis in my knee, and my size, I can't always do all those crazy moves ha ha. Maybe when I'm skinny;)

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WEIGHTING4BABY 1/6/2010 5:28AM

I have used Walk Away The Pounds. I recommend it to people who aren't able to do those super tricky dance workouts. I actually LOVE WATP but... I used them so much I had them memorized. In one video I had she used 2 pound weights. I wouldn't get them much heavier because 2 pounds gets REALLLY heavy after a while! lol

Anyway, Before you know it you've walked 3 miles. They're fun!

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