STEPH-KNEE   78,364
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STEPH-KNEE's Recent Blog Entries

Yay Me! (Letter to self and nsv's)

Friday, August 24, 2012

Hey Pretty Lady,
Stop looking around, I'm talking to you, yes you! Don't be alarmed, I know the last letter I wrote to you may have been a tad harsh, but you really needed to hear it. Someone needed to tell you to get a grip, and that you did!

Can you believe you are doing this? I looked back at your records, and you have been doing this 5 months now. Yes 5. I know what you are thinking, you are thinking about how the first month you weren't really serious yet. You weren't even able to step away from the fast food. You still ate it but tracked it and tried to make "better choices". But you and I both know even the "better choices" at fast food places aren't good choices. You no longer go out and get fast food, and only indulge when planned with friends or family.

You no longer say "I am not exercising when I work, a 12 hour shift is too much to fit in anything extra like exercise". Instead you utilize your break to take your walks at work. Yay!

You always bring your meals to work so you aren't tempted to order whatever awesomely greasy thing everyone else is. Yay!

I know you aren't seeing numbers drop very drastically on the scale right now, so I think you need some Non Scale Victories for a little pick me up!

emoticon You can paint you toe nails. Your stomachs are no longer blocking you so much that painting your toes is not an option, you are rocking some pink toes as we speak.

emoticon You walked 5 consecutive miles with Walk Away The Pounds. You, the girl that could barely make it up 10 stairs without getting winded.

emoticon You did Sweatin To The Oldies last night, you hadn't done it in YEARS. In fact the last time you did it you were at an even LOWER weight and would struggle to finish it. But last night you did it with flying colors, in fact it was "too easy".

emoticon One of your BFF's could not stop telling you how fabulous you looked the last time she saw you, people are definitely starting to notice!

emoticon You consistently listen to your body and only eat when you are hungry, no longer because you are bored, tired, stressed etc.

emoticon You have turned down cupcake after donut after cheesecake at work and it is getting so easy to say no. Booyah!

I know I can be really hard on you sometimes, and I am working on not beating you up as much anymore. But you know I will still have to call you out on your BS if it comes down to it. Not to be mean, but I just want to see you succeed! You are so close to Onederland you can taste it (tastes like chocolate;)... don't lose focus of what you want so badly. I know you don't like to get too mushy, but you need to work on celebrating hard work and success instead of just beating yourself up for the mistakes.

XoXo,
Your inner skinny girl

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PURPLEPEONY 8/31/2012 11:37PM

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PRINCESSAMY 8/31/2012 8:50AM

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SHINYZALATA 8/28/2012 1:12PM

    u r amazing indded :)

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GEMINIGEM6 8/27/2012 12:20AM

    Awww. I love this! And congrats also! You should be so proud of yourself!

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JACOBSBELOVED 8/25/2012 2:49PM

    Yes! I love the non-scale victories! We can't always measure our success based on the scale and I'm glad you realized there are other ways to note progress.

Keep it up, girl! As you always say, "WE ARE DOING THIS!!!" Right now, we are doing it and we will continue to do it until we reach our goals.

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THESHELBSTER 8/24/2012 8:51PM

    Loved this blog! You are so awesome! This was so great to read. It made me happy. You have come such a long way!

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BOREDIMSO 8/24/2012 6:21PM

    Awesome Awesome Awesome!! What a great idea to write something to yourself.

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SHRINK_U 8/24/2012 4:05PM

    Aww -- I love this :) I have been adding Sweatin to the Oldies into my workouts, too.. yay! ONEderland.. here you come!

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BETHIEBOOPS 8/24/2012 3:51PM

    EEP! Love this! You are doing so incredibly great! I love that you aren't afraid to tell it like it is, but with love :)

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SCARJOWANNABE 8/24/2012 12:34PM

    Wow, those are some amazing NSVs!

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CHICAT63 8/24/2012 12:25PM

    This awesome, happy for you !!!!! You are rocking this & then some Onderland will be here soon enough:) emoticon

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LAHUDSONCHEF 8/24/2012 11:30AM

    Very encouraging! Thanks for writing this, my inner skinny girl is cheering! emoticon

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ZELDABEE 8/24/2012 9:14AM

    loved this :) your doing so great and I am so proud of you!

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ALICIALYNNE 8/24/2012 8:00AM

    YES YES YES! What a wonderful blog post!
Keep on rocking!

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TRACY31502 8/24/2012 7:42AM

    love this!!!! great letter to self pretty lady!!! have a happy Friday!

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OLIVIANIGHT 8/24/2012 5:26AM

    Aw that's lovely! And definitely emoticon for so many NSVs!

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IMSOOZEEQ 8/24/2012 3:23AM

    Steph, that was fantastical! I love it! These letters are so positive but yet there is the reminder that somwtimes a butt kicking is needed to get moving!

You got this! emoticon emoticon

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TURTLERAE55 8/24/2012 2:50AM

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Faking It Til I Make It...

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

So I would be lying if I said I was feeling 100%, but I'm getting closer each day. In the mean time I am simply faking it til I make it. I am going through the motions. I am tracking, and I actually did 5 miles on my Walk Away The Pounds for the first time ever, so that is really helping me to get my exercise mojo back!

I am learning how to deal with "bad days" much better, thanks to all the advice from my Spark Friends. It's funny, because I forget skinny and fit people have problems and bad days too. But they still do what they gotta do don't they? They don't sit on the couch and binge for days and days. They learn how to cope with stresses and low times in healthier ways and I am trying to learn to do that as well.

I peeked at the scale today (my weigh in day isn't until Friday) and I saw 229 for the first time in over a year. July of 2011 I weighed about 228 after I broke my leg, but I lost a ton of muscle. I did lose legitimate fat also, but some was attributed to muscle loss. So getting back to this weight is exciting because I am definitely stronger and my body is much different. Seeing just a glimpse of the 220's got me excited again. I hope it can stick around til Friday so I can legitimately say I am in the 220's. *Fingers crossed*.

Thanks again to everyone, because if I would have gone off the deep end this week like I wanted to, I would not be close to even MAYBE seeing the 220's this Friday. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHRINK_U 8/24/2012 4:06PM

    You got this :) I am a firm believer in the "fake it til you make it" mantra.

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SCARJOWANNABE 8/24/2012 12:36PM

    Keep on Sparkin', you'll get to Onederland soon enough!

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JURORI 8/24/2012 12:07AM

    Hey, long time no talk, but I'm glad you're feeling a little excitement at least. I'm sure that for regular fit people they have days where they don't want to (or just plain don't) exercise or eat right and whatnot; it's what all of us do. It's just a matter of frequency, of how extreme you go, and whether you can find other outlets for potential frustration or stress.

Look at what you've done so far; you can do this. You've got this. :)

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_MOBII_ 8/23/2012 10:32PM

    Fantastic!!!!!

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GEMINIGEM6 8/23/2012 12:39AM

    Go girl! Congrats! You can do this!

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JACOBSBELOVED 8/22/2012 5:54PM

    220's?! AWESOME!!!! I think a little peek at the scale this week actually helped more than hindered. I think now that you've seen that you are in the 220's, you'll have the motivation to keep up your good routine and secure your spot in the '20's.

Keep it up, girl! You've come so far and you're getting closer everyday!

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LAHUDSONCHEF 8/22/2012 1:41PM

    thanks for sharing your struggles...it proves that this can be done! Hang in there, and keep up the good work! emoticon

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BETHIEBOOPS 8/22/2012 1:25PM

    Awesome! You are so right, there is nothing wrong with "going through the motions". Not every day is going to be a party. Not every day is going to be an awesome one. But we still can keep going. :)

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IRONBLOSSOM 8/22/2012 12:07PM

    Nice! Stay focused!! Think about all the great things that will come with weight loss. And I don't just mean having a "hotter" bod, my personal #1 thing...NO more heartburn! I didn't really "get" that all the heartburn I was having was due to the way I was eating and my weight, but almost the moment I started losing weight and eating better it vanished. It was just about a miracle.

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IMSOOZEEQ 8/22/2012 11:48AM

    emoticonThat's what I'm talkin' about!! 220s!!!! Yippee!!!

emoticon Onederland is calling your name!!! Hey, it is CALLING you!! Will you take the call?

Let's do this thing because I need to have that virtual party!!!

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KIMBERMCC1981 8/22/2012 10:59AM

    YAY! Great work :) emoticon

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MAHGRET 8/22/2012 9:53AM

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TRACY31502 8/22/2012 9:37AM

    Yay for you....keep up the good work!

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ALICIALYNNE 8/22/2012 8:17AM

    Never forget that YOU CAN DO IT!
Keeping my fingers crossed that you get the same number (or even less!) on Friday!


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COCK-ROBIN 8/22/2012 8:17AM

    Good for you! You're going about it the right way, and I'm proud of you!

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MAERETH 8/22/2012 7:25AM

    emoticon

Keep it up!

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COURTNEY055 8/22/2012 6:52AM

    Awesome! It feels so good,huh, to reach a mini goal! I know I try to set some for myself just to remind myself how far I've come. You're gonna do great and you should reward yourself for losing..You've got a great view on things and I know you're gonna keep on losing! Just keep on moving and burn those calories right off, girl! You're fabulous and you got this!! emoticon

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IRISH421 8/22/2012 6:23AM

    Keep up the good attitude. You can do it. emoticon

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Why This Time Is Different & Thank You's...

Monday, August 20, 2012

This time is different because of YOU GUYS! emoticon emoticon

I mean seriously. When I wrote my blog, I almost didn't post it. The reason I didn't post it is because I think part of me knew that I was being ridiculous but I didn't want to admit it to myself. I knew you all would set me straight and that is ultimately why I chose to post it. Sometimes I need someone to say "stop the madness" or "listen to yourself". Last time on Spark, when I wasn't feeling super motivated or doing well, I would just stray from here. Out of sight out of mind. This time is different, I need to be on Spark during good days and bad days. I need to not run away when I'm not doing good, in fact that is when I need to reach out and be here even more.

All of the comments I received were so important, the ones that asked me questions and forced me to think about what I was saying were extremely important. So thanks to everyone who made me THINK about it and realize that it would have been a huge mistake.

I want 199 by the end of this year, and that is not going to happen with taking a week off. As someone mentioned, this is for LIFE and I don't get to skip out on a week! So I'm just going to emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JACOBSBELOVED 8/22/2012 5:48PM

    Yes! I'm glad you had some revelations and I'm glad you turned to your fellow Sparklers! I think we all want honesty from our friends here on SP, and I think we will also give it in return. I think everyone is a little bit tougher on each other here than our friends and family are in our everyday lives. I don't know if it's because we feel safe behind our computer screens and we say how we really feel, or if we personally want the honesty so we give it in return. Either way, I'm glad people on SP tell me "No" or "That's not the best decision". And I can tell you like it and need it as well.

Keep pushing! That 50 lb lost mark will come up fast and you'll be glad you kept going. :)

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HEATHERFREE 8/21/2012 9:57PM

    Ugh thanks for this blog! I have been putting space between me and my spark people and not even logging in...I have all this stuff going on here, and a new relationship happening.....tons of weird things and I have been eating crap every single day and I was all motivated to stay on the wagon and then I hid myself away from here even more, so thanks for this blog because I know I don't want to do what I'm doing!!! I NEED to keep going and get crap straight!


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SHRINK_U 8/21/2012 6:55PM

    You soooo got this!!! Great attitude, girl :) I know this time is different for me, too.. and it is because of spark friends!

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BETHIEBOOPS 8/21/2012 1:02PM

    Woop Woop! Way to GO! One-derland or bust!

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PUNKY100 8/21/2012 9:54AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

That's why this time is different for me too!!!! There are so many positive people it's hard not to want to keep going!! :-D

It's so easy to take a week off, but I can almost guarantee that you'll feel horrible afterward, and no one wants you feeling horrible!!! Keep on sparking and we'll spark you right back!!!! :-D

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ALICIALYNNE 8/21/2012 8:16AM

    We're always here!
Glad you've got some moxie back!

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LIBELULITA 8/21/2012 2:08AM

    That's the attitude....and 199 by the end of the year isn't onlly a great goal but totally doable too. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EATVEGAN 8/20/2012 9:40PM

    I like the way you're talking. Now that is some positive self-talk. I love it. Great going! emoticon emoticon
Janet emoticon

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TRACY31502 8/20/2012 9:10PM

    Woohooo! :o)

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DUMBBELLE84 8/20/2012 8:46PM

  Yah! This is why I love SP. You can do it!!

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JKWH72 8/20/2012 8:44PM

    I have over 100lbs to lose and i just keep telling myself that whether it is a good day or a bad day it is still one day at a time. come see me if you ever need a friend, shoulder etc. emoticon

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IMSOOZEEQ 8/20/2012 8:44PM

    Now that is just what I want to hear!

"I want 199 by the end of this year, and that is not going to happen with taking a week off. As someone mentioned, this is for LIFE and I don't get to skip out on a week! So I'm just going to emoticon"

You need to post that in places around the house! That helps me. There are a few motivational quotes that I like that I plan to put on post its and/or posters to put up around the house so I can keep my focus.

You can do it Steph! emoticon

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My Last Blog Was One Giant Excuse...

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Thanks to 3 lovely ladies for commenting on my last blog, I totally saw it for what it was. An excuse. I should not be allowed to blog when I am blah, tired, and cranky. ;) I talked about a deal I made with Gammie where if I felt like I wasn't "feeling" the whole weight loss thing, I would at the very least have to maintain the weight I had already lost. The good thing about that is I wouldn't be backsliding and have to relose the weight, but the very obvious bad part is delaying this process that is so important to me.

My deal thing was meant for much farther on in the process. If I got to 199 (which is a HUGE thing for me) and wanted to maintain that for a week or a month, I would be okay with it before pressing on. Or 190, or 180. But the real thing for me was my goal is 180, and while I may shoot for 170, the point was just to maintain it and find out if I indeed wanted to go any lower. That is what I meant for myself when I first thought this up. It was definitely not intended for me to lose 42 lbs, get in a funk and whip out this rule.

My amazing spark friends are what keep me going when I may not feel great. Right now it's a combination of being frustrated over my hurt finger and just being stressed in general. But this week will pass, and I will still force myself to go through the motions, and before I know it I will have my sparkle back and be glad I didn't waste a week of my journey maintaining when I have so far to go. So emoticon for all the love and support, it means a lot! :D

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THESHELBSTER 8/20/2012 8:28PM

    You are going to be rocking ONEderland before you know it. Keep your eyes on the prize and it is so gonna happen. I have complete and total faith in you. :0)

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JACOBSBELOVED 8/20/2012 7:32PM

    YAAAY! I'm glad you've decided to stick with it! Like I said in my comment on your last blog, I know we all get tired at some point in this process but how much stronger do we get when we push through? I wanted to be understanding but I also wanted you to stay strong.

We always talk about how much of this is in our heads, and it appears that it is still a challenge even after losing more than 40 lbs.

You have been such a big supporter to me (and apparently to so many other Sprklers!) and I would hate to see you start to slip. Your strength gives me strength. You know how often I've struggled with this and you have always been there to say, "Ok, well dust yourself off and let's go."

YOU CAN DO THIS! "Onederland" is so very, very close for you!

Not to mention I would love for you to keep losing weight so the food police at work keeps wondering what you're doing and how you're losing the weight. :)

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TRACY31502 8/20/2012 7:30PM

    Good for you!!! keep pushing on girl! I know it gets tough some times but YOU GOT THIS!!!!!

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KIMPY225 8/20/2012 12:51PM

    I know it is tough- keep going!

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SCARJOWANNABE 8/20/2012 11:31AM

    Just keep on Sparkin', we're all here for you and want you to succeed! You got this!

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ALICIALYNNE 8/20/2012 9:45AM

    Just saw your last blog, and am relieved that other Sparkers were available.
KEEP PUSHING!
Even when you reach your goal weight and are maintaining that goal weight, you wont get to eat whatever you want. You will still have to track and weigh/measure yourself. Too many people hit their goal weights, think something like "ok, I've done it! I can loosen up now!" and end up gaining all (or more!) of it back.
Stay strong! You CAN and you WILL do this! For life!

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BETHIEBOOPS 8/20/2012 7:15AM

    I'm so proud of you! You are kicking serious behind and I am so proud that you are pushing forward.

Random thought, you know in physics we were taught about the Law of Motion: "Objects in motion stay in motion". Conversely, if we stop moving forward and stop it takes more force to get started again.

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LIBELULITA 8/20/2012 5:18AM

    I've only just seen this and your previous blog and I wanted to warn you about this "maintenence" mentality...even if it is meant for furthur on down the line. I am just learning the hard way. I had planned to "maintain" while on holiday in the UK , and what happens is that you keep pushing the boundies back and suddenly a "maintain day" turns into "I'll have one more maintain day then get back to losing tomorrow".....and suddenly (in my case) 7 weeks have gone by and you've gained back lots of pounds (35 pounds in my case).

I was reminded that eating healthily is not something we do until we reach our goal...it's for the rest of our lives which means allowing ourselves "maintenence days" where inevitably we eat junk is not what it's about.

I'm not saying this is what would happen to you, I'm just saying "be careful" with this mentality.I'm suffering the consequences of it at the moment emoticon emoticon

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JESSICA_STULTZ 8/20/2012 12:52AM

    I went back and read your last blog as well since I must have missed it. Just got home from a busy day at the zoo. Glad to see you realized that you want to push on. This is why it is so important to be a Sparker! It can be easy to want to give up or let things slide.. but with the support of others (even ones you have never met) helps us to keep our goals and dreams in sight. It can be so easy to let things slide. I know you can AND WILL do this.. and one day you will look back and be proud that you had the perseverance to make it through. Whatever you do, don't give up. You definitely look good for 40 pounds down.. Think about how it makes you feel on the inside.. and how much happier and healthier you will be when you hit your goal. Plus it gives you the upside of showing your co-workers how kick butt you are!
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IMSOOZEEQ 8/19/2012 9:58PM

    I went back and read the other 2 comments on your other blog. I was in tears. Stephanie, we all care and what we are saying is from our hearts. Girl, you have been there for me on so many occasions. You may not have known just how much but let me tell you that your comments on my page and my blogs have helped keep me motivated. You tell me how much I motivate you or inspire you but you do the same for me. Take a look at that profile picture of yours!!! REALLY look at it! Umm are you looking at it??? That should give you a shove every day to keep pushing toward your goal no matter what it is.

How could I not care about someone who hates feet like me? lol I am always here for you Stephanie! I hope you know that. I want you to succeed just as much as I want to succeed!

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CORTNEY-LEE 8/19/2012 9:32PM

    199 is just around the corner!

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Hurt Thumb, Blah Days & Deal I Made...

Sunday, August 19, 2012

So Thursday night I cut my thumb by...well... being an idiot. I have this tall vase that is about 3 feet. I bought some pebbles and potpourri to fill it with. I didn't put too many pebbles and I did it very carefully. As I was filling it with potpourri, the bottom broke out from under it. That would have been fine except I couldn't leave well enough alone. Add on the fact that I'm already pretty clumsy and this is clearly a recipe for disaster. I wanted to see if the bottom could still fit back together, and in case you were wondering it can. I thought I was holding it tight enough and when I went to turn it over it slipped and I now have a huge gash in my right thumb. Over an inch long and pretty deep. I didn't go to get stitches and my mom agreed it should heal on its own. I am not looking forward to yet another scar, mainly because it'll remind me of my stupidity LOL. Doh.

Before that on Thursday, I had a great day out with my friends. Grilled cheese and fries for dinner and later an ice cream sundae from Denny's. It was a planned in advance treat day, and I still managed about 1800 calories, maybe closer to 1900 because I had to guess on the grilled cheese. But I have just been feeling blah. I have no valid reasons for it. I think the thumb thing triggered some sort of stress or pitty response from me, and I wanted to go and eat even more crap Thursday night but I made myself go to bed instead. That was a small victory. I ate well yesterday and today but still the blahs continue.

So this deal I made with my Gammie, and I basically thought it up and she is holding me to it... is that whenever I feel blah and I feel like you know what, I don't want to work at this weight loss stuff RIGHT NOW, I am not in the mood... that whatever weight I am at at that very moment, I will have to at least work to maintain. So if I decide this week I'm just not doing this, that means I need to maintain my 230lbs that I am right now. I checked a maintenance calculator and that puts me at about 2282. The funny part is I saw that number and I thought "well I don't want to eat THAT much". LOL.

I fully intend to push past the blahs, and just keep moving forward, but it's good to know that if I decide to take a "vacation" from weight loss, that it's not a free pass to go around gorging myself and eating whatever I want. I will still have to track all of my food and work at maintaining my current weight. The best part is, if this happens I know it won't be more than a week, because I will have to be doing the parts that I don't always like (tracking and not eating EVERYTHING), so I know it'll quickly make me want to be back on to the losing side of this journey. :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THESHELBSTER 8/20/2012 8:27PM

    From my own personal experience, even when I am trying to lose weight, I still have so many slips. So if I ever tried to just maintain my weight loss, and slipped I would worry that my slips were even greater. My advice to you is that if you have a bad day you just get back up on the horse again the next day but don't ever downgrade all your hardwork to simply "maintaining." Maintaining is not going to get you in that sexy Cinderella outfit. :D

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JACOBSBELOVED 8/20/2012 7:21PM

    Keep your eyes on the prize, Stephanie! You've mentioned before that once you lost 40 lbs, then you started slipping back into old habits. I hope this isn't the beginning of that happening again. I have conflicting emotions about you taking a one week break to just maintain your weight, but it's ultimately your decision (obviously). I would love to see you keep going strong but I know we all get tired at some point.

Hang in there, girl, and I can guarantee you that it will all be worth it.



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_MOBII_ 8/19/2012 10:12PM

    Don't give up! Push through it, you will be glad you did!

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BETHIEBOOPS 8/19/2012 12:51PM

    Wait, this sounds like the first signs of giving up. No. You are NOT giving up.

Stephanie, girl, you need to grab a hold of yourself, stop sulking, and get back up. You wanted to lose more than 40 pounds right? You will not do that by "maintaining" and then forgetting about it and moving on. Maintaining before reaching goal weight, when not for a life changing reason, is just giving yourself an excuse to not hit 50 pounds down.

And girl- you want that 50 pounds sticker. You want to slide into 16s. You want to run and chase without gasping for air. You won't get that by "maintaining".

Girlie, this isn't a "bandwagon" This isn't a "diet" This isn't something that you get to press pause on. This is a life change. You need to change your life, and you don't get a vacation from life changes.

I'm sorry to be rough on you, but we all care about you and want you to succeed. So, fine take today to feel sorry for yourself, and tomorrow, you need to get up, and move forward. Don't you dare give up girl. You've worked too hard to stop now.

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COURTNEY055 8/19/2012 8:11AM

    I agree with her. Keep on pushing yourself and don't quit. it's too easy to fall into those kinda ruts. It's even harder to get out of them the longer u stay in them especially if u decide to maintain for a week. When I feel like I don't wanna do it, I think hard about my health and WHY I'm here..I walk, I journal, I'll even go get a protein snack or something if I'm hungry (which can be a trigger for not wanting to do this). Try to keep your eye on the prize. You can do it. Keep on the losing side. And like the lady above me said, you're here and we're ALL rooting for you! If u ever need to vent or whatever, look me up if u want. I haven't been on all that long, but I'm firmly committed to this for the sake my health and well being. I just can't quit. I'm 37 and not getting any younger. Do this..You're fabulous and u can do this too!

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IMSOOZEEQ 8/19/2012 5:23AM

    Oh please please please stick with this side of the journey. If you let yourself fall back, it will only be time that you could have been moving forward. No it isn't an easy road but don't let those thoughts get the best of you! You can do it!!!

we are all here to help you! You don't have to do it alone.

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