Yay Me! (Letter to self and nsv's)

Friday, August 24, 2012

Hey Pretty Lady,
Stop looking around, I'm talking to you, yes you! Don't be alarmed, I know the last letter I wrote to you may have been a tad harsh, but you really needed to hear it. Someone needed to tell you to get a grip, and that you did!

Can you believe you are doing this? I looked back at your records, and you have been doing this 5 months now. Yes 5. I know what you are thinking, you are thinking about how the first month you weren't really serious yet. You weren't even able to step away from the fast food. You still ate it but tracked it and tried to make "better choices". But you and I both know even the "better choices" at fast food places aren't good choices. You no longer go out and get fast food, and only indulge when planned with friends or family.

You no longer say "I am not exercising when I work, a 12 hour shift is too much to fit in anything extra like exercise". Instead you utilize your break to take your walks at work. Yay!

You always bring your meals to work so you aren't tempted to order whatever awesomely greasy thing everyone else is. Yay!

I know you aren't seeing numbers drop very drastically on the scale right now, so I think you need some Non Scale Victories for a little pick me up!

You can paint you toe nails. Your stomachs are no longer blocking you so much that painting your toes is not an option, you are rocking some pink toes as we speak.

You walked 5 consecutive miles with Walk Away The Pounds. You, the girl that could barely make it up 10 stairs without getting winded.

You did Sweatin To The Oldies last night, you hadn't done it in YEARS. In fact the last time you did it you were at an even LOWER weight and would struggle to finish it. But last night you did it with flying colors, in fact it was "too easy".

One of your BFF's could not stop telling you how fabulous you looked the last time she saw you, people are definitely starting to notice!

You consistently listen to your body and only eat when you are hungry, no longer because you are bored, tired, stressed etc.

You have turned down cupcake after donut after cheesecake at work and it is getting so easy to say no. Booyah!

I know I can be really hard on you sometimes, and I am working on not beating you up as much anymore. But you know I will still have to call you out on your BS if it comes down to it. Not to be mean, but I just want to see you succeed! You are so close to Onederland you can taste it (tastes like chocolate;)... don't lose focus of what you want so badly. I know you don't like to get too mushy, but you need to work on celebrating hard work and success instead of just beating yourself up for the mistakes.

XoXo,
Your inner skinny girl

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Faking It Til I Make It...

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

So I would be lying if I said I was feeling 100%, but I'm getting closer each day. In the mean time I am simply faking it til I make it. I am going through the motions. I am tracking, and I actually did 5 miles on my Walk Away The Pounds for the first time ever, so that is really helping me to get my exercise mojo back!

I am learning how to deal with "bad days" much better, thanks to all the advice from my Spark Friends. It's funny, because I forget skinny and fit people have problems and bad days too. But they still do what they gotta do don't they? They don't sit on the couch and binge for days and days. They learn how to cope with stresses and low times in healthier ways and I am trying to learn to do that as well.

I peeked at the scale today (my weigh in day isn't until Friday) and I saw 229 for the first time in over a year. July of 2011 I weighed about 228 after I broke my leg, but I lost a ton of muscle. I did lose legitimate fat also, but some was attributed to muscle loss. So getting back to this weight is exciting because I am definitely stronger and my body is much different. Seeing just a glimpse of the 220's got me excited again. I hope it can stick around til Friday so I can legitimately say I am in the 220's. *Fingers crossed*.

Thanks again to everyone, because if I would have gone off the deep end this week like I wanted to, I would not be close to even MAYBE seeing the 220's this Friday.

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Why This Time Is Different & Thank You's...

Monday, August 20, 2012

This time is different because of YOU GUYS!

I mean seriously. When I wrote my blog, I almost didn't post it. The reason I didn't post it is because I think part of me knew that I was being ridiculous but I didn't want to admit it to myself. I knew you all would set me straight and that is ultimately why I chose to post it. Sometimes I need someone to say "stop the madness" or "listen to yourself". Last time on Spark, when I wasn't feeling super motivated or doing well, I would just stray from here. Out of sight out of mind. This time is different, I need to be on Spark during good days and bad days. I need to not run away when I'm not doing good, in fact that is when I need to reach out and be here even more.

All of the comments I received were so important, the ones that asked me questions and forced me to think about what I was saying were extremely important. So thanks to everyone who made me THINK about it and realize that it would have been a huge mistake.

I want 199 by the end of this year, and that is not going to happen with taking a week off. As someone mentioned, this is for LIFE and I don't get to skip out on a week! So I'm just going to

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My Last Blog Was One Giant Excuse...

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Thanks to 3 lovely ladies for commenting on my last blog, I totally saw it for what it was. An excuse. I should not be allowed to blog when I am blah, tired, and cranky. ;) I talked about a deal I made with Gammie where if I felt like I wasn't "feeling" the whole weight loss thing, I would at the very least have to maintain the weight I had already lost. The good thing about that is I wouldn't be backsliding and have to relose the weight, but the very obvious bad part is delaying this process that is so important to me.

My deal thing was meant for much farther on in the process. If I got to 199 (which is a HUGE thing for me) and wanted to maintain that for a week or a month, I would be okay with it before pressing on. Or 190, or 180. But the real thing for me was my goal is 180, and while I may shoot for 170, the point was just to maintain it and find out if I indeed wanted to go any lower. That is what I meant for myself when I first thought this up. It was definitely not intended for me to lose 42 lbs, get in a funk and whip out this rule.

My amazing spark friends are what keep me going when I may not feel great. Right now it's a combination of being frustrated over my hurt finger and just being stressed in general. But this week will pass, and I will still force myself to go through the motions, and before I know it I will have my sparkle back and be glad I didn't waste a week of my journey maintaining when I have so far to go. So for all the love and support, it means a lot! :D

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Hurt Thumb, Blah Days & Deal I Made...

Sunday, August 19, 2012

So Thursday night I cut my thumb by...well... being an idiot. I have this tall vase that is about 3 feet. I bought some pebbles and potpourri to fill it with. I didn't put too many pebbles and I did it very carefully. As I was filling it with potpourri, the bottom broke out from under it. That would have been fine except I couldn't leave well enough alone. Add on the fact that I'm already pretty clumsy and this is clearly a recipe for disaster. I wanted to see if the bottom could still fit back together, and in case you were wondering it can. I thought I was holding it tight enough and when I went to turn it over it slipped and I now have a huge gash in my right thumb. Over an inch long and pretty deep. I didn't go to get stitches and my mom agreed it should heal on its own. I am not looking forward to yet another scar, mainly because it'll remind me of my stupidity LOL. Doh.

Before that on Thursday, I had a great day out with my friends. Grilled cheese and fries for dinner and later an ice cream sundae from Denny's. It was a planned in advance treat day, and I still managed about 1800 calories, maybe closer to 1900 because I had to guess on the grilled cheese. But I have just been feeling blah. I have no valid reasons for it. I think the thumb thing triggered some sort of stress or pitty response from me, and I wanted to go and eat even more crap Thursday night but I made myself go to bed instead. That was a small victory. I ate well yesterday and today but still the blahs continue.

So this deal I made with my Gammie, and I basically thought it up and she is holding me to it... is that whenever I feel blah and I feel like you know what, I don't want to work at this weight loss stuff RIGHT NOW, I am not in the mood... that whatever weight I am at at that very moment, I will have to at least work to maintain. So if I decide this week I'm just not doing this, that means I need to maintain my 230lbs that I am right now. I checked a maintenance calculator and that puts me at about 2282. The funny part is I saw that number and I thought "well I don't want to eat THAT much". LOL.

I fully intend to push past the blahs, and just keep moving forward, but it's good to know that if I decide to take a "vacation" from weight loss, that it's not a free pass to go around gorging myself and eating whatever I want. I will still have to track all of my food and work at maintaining my current weight. The best part is, if this happens I know it won't be more than a week, because I will have to be doing the parts that I don't always like (tracking and not eating EVERYTHING), so I know it'll quickly make me want to be back on to the losing side of this journey. :)

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