Monday, August 27, 2012
So the highlight of the day was a fellow coworker saying "OMG you're shrinking!!" Today was free dress so I am in jeans and t shirt and it is much easier to tell than when I am swimming in my too big uniform. She even said that "OMG, it's so noticeable, it is impossible to tell in the uniform but I can totally tell, good for you." She was with another coworker who chimed in "So how are you doing it?" I laughed and said "Not eating all the crap I used to eat". They seemed pleased with this answer. She then asked "are you excited?" I said "Well no, not really..." and shrugged. She said "but why, if it were me I'd be so excited." I had to give an answer, and working in the shark tank you can not allow people to know your blood, sweat and tears. I refuse to let these people how hard I work on this, and anyone who understands my coworkers agree that is the best idea. I said "Well I think it's just because it comes of so slow, like oh yay half a pound, EFF you half a pound." They laughed and I was off the hook.
I desperately needed some positive reinforcement today, because for two days I have been a train wreck. Friday was a 3400 calorie day, which included a fast food meal. *DOH* I chalked it up to a bad day and was determined to make Saturday a great day.
Wrong, OH SO WRONG. I was determined not to eat the pot luck party food at work, wrong again. I wound up eating 5, YES 5 pieces of garlic toast and two servings of lasagna. All while still having a hot pocket later in the day even though I was painfully full.
It was definitely an eye opener for me. An eye opener that for me, one bad day can easily slip into 2 and even more. It was also amazing how sluggish and icky I felt with all that food in me. Not a pretty sight. I have totally accepted those 2 days, and I am moving on. Today is a great day and I am determined to make it a great week and keep on going.
I like to blog both at really good times, and really bad time, just so when I look back I can see the struggles as well as the progress. So this was really just important for me to write out. :)
Friday, August 24, 2012
Hey Pretty Lady,
Stop looking around, I'm talking to you, yes you! Don't be alarmed, I know the last letter I wrote to you may have been a tad harsh, but you really needed to hear it. Someone needed to tell you to get a grip, and that you did!
Can you believe you are doing this? I looked back at your records, and you have been doing this 5 months now. Yes 5. I know what you are thinking, you are thinking about how the first month you weren't really serious yet. You weren't even able to step away from the fast food. You still ate it but tracked it and tried to make "better choices". But you and I both know even the "better choices" at fast food places aren't good choices. You no longer go out and get fast food, and only indulge when planned with friends or family.
You no longer say "I am not exercising when I work, a 12 hour shift is too much to fit in anything extra like exercise". Instead you utilize your break to take your walks at work. Yay!
You always bring your meals to work so you aren't tempted to order whatever awesomely greasy thing everyone else is. Yay!
I know you aren't seeing numbers drop very drastically on the scale right now, so I think you need some Non Scale Victories for a little pick me up!
You can paint you toe nails. Your stomachs are no longer blocking you so much that painting your toes is not an option, you are rocking some pink toes as we speak.
You walked 5 consecutive miles with Walk Away The Pounds. You, the girl that could barely make it up 10 stairs without getting winded.
You did Sweatin To The Oldies last night, you hadn't done it in YEARS. In fact the last time you did it you were at an even LOWER weight and would struggle to finish it. But last night you did it with flying colors, in fact it was "too easy".
One of your BFF's could not stop telling you how fabulous you looked the last time she saw you, people are definitely starting to notice!
You consistently listen to your body and only eat when you are hungry, no longer because you are bored, tired, stressed etc.
You have turned down cupcake after donut after cheesecake at work and it is getting so easy to say no. Booyah!
I know I can be really hard on you sometimes, and I am working on not beating you up as much anymore. But you know I will still have to call you out on your BS if it comes down to it. Not to be mean, but I just want to see you succeed! You are so close to Onederland you can taste it (tastes like chocolate;)... don't lose focus of what you want so badly. I know you don't like to get too mushy, but you need to work on celebrating hard work and success instead of just beating yourself up for the mistakes.
Your inner skinny girl
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
So I would be lying if I said I was feeling 100%, but I'm getting closer each day. In the mean time I am simply faking it til I make it. I am going through the motions. I am tracking, and I actually did 5 miles on my Walk Away The Pounds for the first time ever, so that is really helping me to get my exercise mojo back!
I am learning how to deal with "bad days" much better, thanks to all the advice from my Spark Friends. It's funny, because I forget skinny and fit people have problems and bad days too. But they still do what they gotta do don't they? They don't sit on the couch and binge for days and days. They learn how to cope with stresses and low times in healthier ways and I am trying to learn to do that as well.
I peeked at the scale today (my weigh in day isn't until Friday) and I saw 229 for the first time in over a year. July of 2011 I weighed about 228 after I broke my leg, but I lost a ton of muscle. I did lose legitimate fat also, but some was attributed to muscle loss. So getting back to this weight is exciting because I am definitely stronger and my body is much different. Seeing just a glimpse of the 220's got me excited again. I hope it can stick around til Friday so I can legitimately say I am in the 220's. *Fingers crossed*.
Thanks again to everyone, because if I would have gone off the deep end this week like I wanted to, I would not be close to even MAYBE seeing the 220's this Friday.
Monday, August 20, 2012
This time is different because of YOU GUYS!
I mean seriously. When I wrote my blog, I almost didn't post it. The reason I didn't post it is because I think part of me knew that I was being ridiculous but I didn't want to admit it to myself. I knew you all would set me straight and that is ultimately why I chose to post it. Sometimes I need someone to say "stop the madness" or "listen to yourself". Last time on Spark, when I wasn't feeling super motivated or doing well, I would just stray from here. Out of sight out of mind. This time is different, I need to be on Spark during good days and bad days. I need to not run away when I'm not doing good, in fact that is when I need to reach out and be here even more.
All of the comments I received were so important, the ones that asked me questions and forced me to think about what I was saying were extremely important. So thanks to everyone who made me THINK about it and realize that it would have been a huge mistake.
I want 199 by the end of this year, and that is not going to happen with taking a week off. As someone mentioned, this is for LIFE and I don't get to skip out on a week! So I'm just going to
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Thanks to 3 lovely ladies for commenting on my last blog, I totally saw it for what it was. An excuse. I should not be allowed to blog when I am blah, tired, and cranky. ;) I talked about a deal I made with Gammie where if I felt like I wasn't "feeling" the whole weight loss thing, I would at the very least have to maintain the weight I had already lost. The good thing about that is I wouldn't be backsliding and have to relose the weight, but the very obvious bad part is delaying this process that is so important to me.
My deal thing was meant for much farther on in the process. If I got to 199 (which is a HUGE thing for me) and wanted to maintain that for a week or a month, I would be okay with it before pressing on. Or 190, or 180. But the real thing for me was my goal is 180, and while I may shoot for 170, the point was just to maintain it and find out if I indeed wanted to go any lower. That is what I meant for myself when I first thought this up. It was definitely not intended for me to lose 42 lbs, get in a funk and whip out this rule.
My amazing spark friends are what keep me going when I may not feel great. Right now it's a combination of being frustrated over my hurt finger and just being stressed in general. But this week will pass, and I will still force myself to go through the motions, and before I know it I will have my sparkle back and be glad I didn't waste a week of my journey maintaining when I have so far to go. So for all the love and support, it means a lot! :D
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