Friday, August 31, 2012
Disclaimer: This is just my way of thinking on my journey, and I understand different things work with different people.
With that said, I used to be someone who constantly felt the need to start over. "Oh I had a bad day, I will start over tomorrow. Well ACTUALLY today is Sunday, but I'm going out to dinner with friends on Thursday, so I might as well wait til Friday to start over. Well that's stupid, might as well wait until the new week starts to start over... so I'll start over next Sunday." I have taken it even more extreme than that in the past... "Well, today wasn't so great, but I AM going on vacation in 3 weeks, so I might as well just wait until I'm back from vacation to start over."
As you can imagine that spelled disaster for me. Since I "started" (over) my journey on March 20th at 262, I have not started over once. This in itself is a miracle. I was not in it whole heartedly during March or even April. In fact, I didn't even start exercising until May, but there is no more starting over. If I have a bad day (or in recent cases 2 bad days), I don't consider myself "off the wagon". I used to constantly do that. Then I felt like I needed to make such a huge effort to hop "back on the wagon". I don't know why, but that terminology made me feel like it was much harder than it had to be, like it took even greater effort to start over.
This time, I just dust myself off on move on. Bad meals, or bad days are just bumps in the road now and a part of my journey.
I also no longer LOOK for motivation, or feel the need to find motivation. With that said, I LOVE hearing motivational stories, I love seeing motivational quotes and pictures, and I have them around my house. I love being motivated by other members and getting so much love and support. I absolutely do. But what I mean is, when there are days that I am not feeling motivated, I don't sit around whining like I used to, saying I need to FIND my motivation. No I don't. For me, motivation isn't required to get up and do what I have to do. It just has to be a decision, it's black and white. I either eat right and track, or I don't. I either get off my rear and exercise, or I don't. So feeling motivated or not, I have learned I have to do what I have to do.
That is just two reasons that this time is different. I have been floating between the same pound for 2 weeks now. In the past that would be a reason to "throw in the towel", but not this time. I just keep moving forward one day at a time, and know the scale will do the right thing eventually. I hope you all continue to do the same. I heart ya'll! :D
credit: arthlete.tumblr.com (Told you I am a sucker for motivational pictures, but I never use lack of motivation as an excuse to do the wrong thing). :)
Monday, August 27, 2012
So the highlight of the day was a fellow coworker saying "OMG you're shrinking!!" Today was free dress so I am in jeans and t shirt and it is much easier to tell than when I am swimming in my too big uniform. She even said that "OMG, it's so noticeable, it is impossible to tell in the uniform but I can totally tell, good for you." She was with another coworker who chimed in "So how are you doing it?" I laughed and said "Not eating all the crap I used to eat". They seemed pleased with this answer. She then asked "are you excited?" I said "Well no, not really..." and shrugged. She said "but why, if it were me I'd be so excited." I had to give an answer, and working in the shark tank you can not allow people to know your blood, sweat and tears. I refuse to let these people how hard I work on this, and anyone who understands my coworkers agree that is the best idea. I said "Well I think it's just because it comes of so slow, like oh yay half a pound, EFF you half a pound." They laughed and I was off the hook.
I desperately needed some positive reinforcement today, because for two days I have been a train wreck. Friday was a 3400 calorie day, which included a fast food meal. *DOH* I chalked it up to a bad day and was determined to make Saturday a great day.
Wrong, OH SO WRONG. I was determined not to eat the pot luck party food at work, wrong again. I wound up eating 5, YES 5 pieces of garlic toast and two servings of lasagna. All while still having a hot pocket later in the day even though I was painfully full.
It was definitely an eye opener for me. An eye opener that for me, one bad day can easily slip into 2 and even more. It was also amazing how sluggish and icky I felt with all that food in me. Not a pretty sight. I have totally accepted those 2 days, and I am moving on. Today is a great day and I am determined to make it a great week and keep on going.
I like to blog both at really good times, and really bad time, just so when I look back I can see the struggles as well as the progress. So this was really just important for me to write out. :)
Friday, August 24, 2012
Hey Pretty Lady,
Stop looking around, I'm talking to you, yes you! Don't be alarmed, I know the last letter I wrote to you may have been a tad harsh, but you really needed to hear it. Someone needed to tell you to get a grip, and that you did!
Can you believe you are doing this? I looked back at your records, and you have been doing this 5 months now. Yes 5. I know what you are thinking, you are thinking about how the first month you weren't really serious yet. You weren't even able to step away from the fast food. You still ate it but tracked it and tried to make "better choices". But you and I both know even the "better choices" at fast food places aren't good choices. You no longer go out and get fast food, and only indulge when planned with friends or family.
You no longer say "I am not exercising when I work, a 12 hour shift is too much to fit in anything extra like exercise". Instead you utilize your break to take your walks at work. Yay!
You always bring your meals to work so you aren't tempted to order whatever awesomely greasy thing everyone else is. Yay!
I know you aren't seeing numbers drop very drastically on the scale right now, so I think you need some Non Scale Victories for a little pick me up!
You can paint you toe nails. Your stomachs are no longer blocking you so much that painting your toes is not an option, you are rocking some pink toes as we speak.
You walked 5 consecutive miles with Walk Away The Pounds. You, the girl that could barely make it up 10 stairs without getting winded.
You did Sweatin To The Oldies last night, you hadn't done it in YEARS. In fact the last time you did it you were at an even LOWER weight and would struggle to finish it. But last night you did it with flying colors, in fact it was "too easy".
One of your BFF's could not stop telling you how fabulous you looked the last time she saw you, people are definitely starting to notice!
You consistently listen to your body and only eat when you are hungry, no longer because you are bored, tired, stressed etc.
You have turned down cupcake after donut after cheesecake at work and it is getting so easy to say no. Booyah!
I know I can be really hard on you sometimes, and I am working on not beating you up as much anymore. But you know I will still have to call you out on your BS if it comes down to it. Not to be mean, but I just want to see you succeed! You are so close to Onederland you can taste it (tastes like chocolate;)... don't lose focus of what you want so badly. I know you don't like to get too mushy, but you need to work on celebrating hard work and success instead of just beating yourself up for the mistakes.
Your inner skinny girl
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
So I would be lying if I said I was feeling 100%, but I'm getting closer each day. In the mean time I am simply faking it til I make it. I am going through the motions. I am tracking, and I actually did 5 miles on my Walk Away The Pounds for the first time ever, so that is really helping me to get my exercise mojo back!
I am learning how to deal with "bad days" much better, thanks to all the advice from my Spark Friends. It's funny, because I forget skinny and fit people have problems and bad days too. But they still do what they gotta do don't they? They don't sit on the couch and binge for days and days. They learn how to cope with stresses and low times in healthier ways and I am trying to learn to do that as well.
I peeked at the scale today (my weigh in day isn't until Friday) and I saw 229 for the first time in over a year. July of 2011 I weighed about 228 after I broke my leg, but I lost a ton of muscle. I did lose legitimate fat also, but some was attributed to muscle loss. So getting back to this weight is exciting because I am definitely stronger and my body is much different. Seeing just a glimpse of the 220's got me excited again. I hope it can stick around til Friday so I can legitimately say I am in the 220's. *Fingers crossed*.
Thanks again to everyone, because if I would have gone off the deep end this week like I wanted to, I would not be close to even MAYBE seeing the 220's this Friday.
Monday, August 20, 2012
This time is different because of YOU GUYS!
I mean seriously. When I wrote my blog, I almost didn't post it. The reason I didn't post it is because I think part of me knew that I was being ridiculous but I didn't want to admit it to myself. I knew you all would set me straight and that is ultimately why I chose to post it. Sometimes I need someone to say "stop the madness" or "listen to yourself". Last time on Spark, when I wasn't feeling super motivated or doing well, I would just stray from here. Out of sight out of mind. This time is different, I need to be on Spark during good days and bad days. I need to not run away when I'm not doing good, in fact that is when I need to reach out and be here even more.
All of the comments I received were so important, the ones that asked me questions and forced me to think about what I was saying were extremely important. So thanks to everyone who made me THINK about it and realize that it would have been a huge mistake.
I want 199 by the end of this year, and that is not going to happen with taking a week off. As someone mentioned, this is for LIFE and I don't get to skip out on a week! So I'm just going to
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