STEPH-KNEE   80,872
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I'll Eat Easy Mac If I Want...(annoying coworkers rant)

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

So anyone who knows me knows that I work with a supremely nasty group of women. I go to great lengths to hide what I eat from them because it is the only way to survive here. If they know, not only will they food police you ("can you have that?"), they will not only try to feed you, but then if you give in an eat a cookie they will laugh about it for a week.

I love my job, I don't love the people but I love my job and it is my career, and I won't let a bunch of weenies ruin that for me.

So my cover has KIND OF been blown, the one guy saw me on spark counting calories, so I was pretty much toast. But I made it a point to tell him I wasn't on a diet and I eat whatever I want (because it's true).

So there is one girl at work, let's just call her Miss America, and I can not stand her. In fact she makes fun of me because she thinks I'm weird, well I assure you I'm not weird, I actually act weird and quiet because I don't want these people to talk to me. I'm not an idiot. ;) This sums it up perfectly:



Perfection.

Anyways, I play up my "weirdness" so that people don't even say hi to me. Yes, I work in a place where it's not uncommon for people to not address each other, crazy huh? It's like the Twilight Zone.

Anyways, Miss America saw me eating Easy Mac and a Tyson chicken patty. I would never proclaim these foods to be healthy, don't get me wrong. But a "typical" work day for me consisted of TWO fast food meals during a 12 hours shift, Burger King on the way to work, and then whatever they ordered for dinner. So if easy mac and a chicken nugget (all tracked btw) keep me away from fast food, then I would say I'm doing pretty good. She gave me a look, but we don't speak so that was that. Or so I thought.

HOURS later I hear her talking to the guy that caught me tracking calories months back and she says "there's one cookie left". Mind you he is on super strict diet, because he is dating the super strict diet chick from blogs past. He says he can't have that, but then all loud she said "what's healthier, the cookie or easy mac?" I'm no idiot, that's no coincidence, and he responded neither. I almost chimed in but I didn't want them to have the satisfaction that I even paid attention to what was said.

I will LOVE the day that someone asks me if I'm on a diet or asks if I should be eating that, because I'm so prepared. The best part is, I am playing this up. I let them see me eat the easy mac, or my lean pockets. But I cover up salad, or veggies so no one sees them. And you know what, when I get to 180 and people are asking me how I lost weight I will be able to say honestly that I ate whatever I want and less of it and that I pretty much stopped eating fast food. They don't need to know the tears and sweat and hard work that has gone into it. They don't deserve to know.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEATHERFREE 8/21/2012 9:51PM

    love it!


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THESHELBSTER 8/20/2012 8:20PM

    You are so amazing. I am so proud of you. I know all about the temptations that you have turned down at your job. You are so strong and so disciplined and there is NO WAY that your co-workers can not tell that you are losing weight. They are just jealous and hating on you. I always say "Let your haters be your motivators!"

I am so proud of you in so many ways, on a daily basis.

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ADZY86 8/19/2012 3:43PM

    Wow this made me really angry! I wish I could come into your workplace and give those 'unmentionables' what-for! Urggghhhh!
Good for you for staying strong. You are doing great...keep doing you.

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GEMINIGEM6 8/19/2012 12:08AM

    I love this blog. You are a rock star.

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_MOBII_ 8/18/2012 9:31PM

    I am at the 20 pound mark and people cannot understand when I tell them that I can eat what I want....and I can! Its what I CHOOSE to eat! Sometimes I choose to eat salad....sometimes its a hamburger instead of a turkeyburger!

People can be such jerks sometimes!
You just keep on keepin on!

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ATTACKFATCAT 8/17/2012 12:16AM

    People who act like that are generally so miserable in their own lives that they feel the need to make everyone else feel bad as well. There are some who also see others progress and seek to sabotage them whenever possible. Adults can be worse than teenagers. Don't let them get you down and you keep doing what works for you. emoticon

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BELIEVER104 8/16/2012 7:39PM

    Forget those haters!! You're doing exactly what's right for you! Sending you good vibes to deal with those nasties at work.

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HDHAWK 8/16/2012 5:34PM

    It really ticks me off that people care so much about what we eat. They need to mind their own business. Keep doing what works for you!

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DR8561 8/16/2012 12:35PM

    It amazes me that people think they have the right to act as food police. What you eat or don't eat is nobody' s business but your own. emoticon for not sinking to their level.

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MISSB8604 8/16/2012 12:33PM

    Girl, I couldn't be more proud of you. YOU ARE AMAZING.



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TEENY_BIKINI 8/16/2012 12:21PM

    Okay. I am convinced we work in the same office. I am on the third floor. Where are you, gorgeous? Where?

How do I put this delicately...

They can all suck it.

emoticon

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LISAMG1220 8/15/2012 9:48PM

    What you are doing is hard work. You can work on your outer appearance , you will always be beautiful through and through. She can't fix how spiteful, hateful and and ugly she is on the inside. You shine sister and she will always be in your shadow!!!!

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LINDSEYKRISTEN 8/15/2012 9:46PM

    how mean! who cares what they think - you're doing so great :)

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CARMENB66 8/15/2012 8:15PM

    Wow, you poor thing, to have to work with people like this. I don't know if I could do it. You go girl!!! Keep up the great work and great attitude.
emoticon

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SHRINK_U 8/15/2012 4:34PM

    Yuck--- so sorry you have to work with people like that. I love the picture with the quote :) My mother always taught us to keep our EYES AND EARS WIDE OPEN.. AND OUR MOUTHS SHUT when it came to work, school, or other organizations. You are doing a great job.. good for you for not letting THOSE kinds of people get to you!

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HAPPYERIN 8/15/2012 4:11PM

    Wow, those are your coworkers??? What kind of kindergarten crap is that??? I'm so sorry you have to deal with people like that -- clearly there is some bad stuff at play there.

I COMMEND you on many levels -- for keeping your head up and not letting them get to you, for putting up with it in the first place, for sticking to your game plan, and for not stooping to their level of awfulness. Let them be miserable, while you dance and cheer yourself on! I love your attitude, keep up the great work!

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EMMAEKAY 8/15/2012 1:57PM

    Would you let someone make you feel ashamed for filling your car up with 89 octane fuel instead of 91? Then why let them make you feel ashamed about providing a different kind of fuel to your body?

Miss America sounds like a nasty, insecure B*&^h. But that's HER problem. Report the teasing to HR immediately, but stop hiding and eating furtively - it's not worth the energy or emotions. It's okay to eat salad and chicken, or a hamburger and fries... They can be made just as healthy or unhealthy as you want, and it's no one else's business. Try not to put so much stock in other people's words. Your life is about YOU.

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PUNKY100 8/15/2012 12:05PM

    Haha omg I love this blog. That poster is exactly what I do as well. We're not quiet, we just choose who we want to talk to, and that happens to be NOT YOU. :-P

I have a great idea...you should take things in containers that are totally NOT what they are. You probably don't have any of that stuff around the house anymore, but if you have some old containers, put healthy foods that look like it in the containers of the things that are bad for you, and just eat straight out of it. They will be completely shocked and laugh about it for hours I bet. They will be so obsessed that they caught you 'cheating' and you can just sit there and laugh as you lose another 5 lbs.

I am really impressed at your restraint not to b**ch slap her...although I'm sure if one of you ever left, and you saw her in a parking lot... ;-)

Anywho, if having that easy mac and chicken patty keeps you away from the fast food, that's awesome!!! (And now I'm totally hungry for mac and cheese lol) I hope she eats all the cookies mwahahaha emoticon

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ALICIALYNNE 8/15/2012 11:46AM

    Well, you can (WILL!) lose the weight; she's always going to be a jerk.

As the poster above me noted; haters are gonna hate.

Just keep making these healthy changes! You're doing great!

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JACOBSBELOVED 8/15/2012 2:42AM

    Seriously?? Adults still act like they're in high school?? I'm SO glad you didn't say anything when she made her snide comment. Acting like you didn't hear her was the best way to give her absolutely no satisfaction. I LOVE that you're eating the Easy Mac and stuff in front of people and hiding the fruits and veggies!!!!!! The fact that it looks like you're not even trying and yet you're losing all this weight is probably driving her CRAZY and I love it!!! I probably don't love it as much as you're loving it, but YOU'RE AMAZING!!!

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STORMKITTY67 8/14/2012 9:21PM

    What a doggone shame you have to work with a-holes like this. I'm glad you have a good attitude and are able to not let them get to you, as easy as it would be. Someone earlier said it perfecty, you are losing weight (40 lbs so far) but they will always be jerks.

Keep your head up. emoticon

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ZELDABEE 8/14/2012 11:57AM

    this is why some people confuse me, if I'm being honest I think that she is wierd because who has the time to be mad about what other people are eating? I don't get why people feel the need to be mean and I know that people say it's because they are insecure - but and I think i've said this before that just seems like a cope out, I've struggled with self esteem and body image my entire life but I dont feel the need to bring other poeple down. Not that I'm the queen of nice or anything but I don't feel the need to spend my time judging other people, when it comes down to it we all have a choice - she is chooses to be the way she is and what she does is a reflection of who she is as a person not you. :) your awesome

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KEZRARAYNE 8/14/2012 10:56AM

    it's unfortunate you feel and are treated that way. Living in shadows like that...don't you feel it contributes to self esteem issues? I know it would for me. Kudos to having a plan and y'know what? Some day you WILL reach your goal weight and when you do...you don't have to say anything in repsonse. You earned COMPLIMENTs, not abuse like that. :D Keep sparkin'!

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MAHGRET 8/14/2012 10:51AM

    Well, you can get thinner and healthy, but she will still be mean. keep up the good work and do it for YOU, not what anyone else thinks.

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GATEAUX981 8/14/2012 9:43AM

    WOW, what an unfortunate group of people you have been forced to see everyday! Good for you for not letting people like that get to you, you would think that since we are OUT of elementary school, that cliques and immature popularity contests would be a thing of the past, but apparently, that isn't the case. Good on you for being the bigger person. These people must have very low self esteems and self worth if they feel the need to pick on you. Congratulations on your weight loss, focus on yourself and don't let negative people steal your joy! emoticon

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OLIVIANIGHT 8/14/2012 6:03AM

    Man, you're brave. If I had to work with people like that I would have left long ago. emoticon

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BETHIEBOOPS 8/14/2012 2:28AM

    What a cow! I don't know how you survive in that harsh environment.

What she said is more a reflection on her than on you- secure, well adjusted people don't say junk like that. I'm sorry she was so mean.

I think about this a lot actually, and I think people will make fun of others no matter their size. I look at my friends who are thin, and they are made fun of for their hair/ears/style/intelligence and I have friends who are fat who are made fun of for dieting/eating/style/intelligence etc. My 13 year old sister was called fat at school and it was a really big deal for her. She is 5'5" and weighs maybe 120 pounds.

Which brings me to my point: Haters gonna hate.

It's something every well-adjusted secure person will have to learn to deal with. It's not because we're fat that we are mocked, it's because we are human. I heard once that people throw rocks at things that shine. And there is truth to that: Insecure people will say or do anything to bring down those around them to feel or look superior.

This is a lesson I'm learning. People aren't just mean to me because I am fat- so getting thin won't shut them up. People are mean because people have problems that they don't know the answer to. They don't like themselves, they can't make right with their past, they carry burdens too immense to bear, so they do anything they can to make it look like they have everything together- even (and especially) putting others down/abuse etc.

Don't use their meanness as motivation. It's so negative! Stick to your loving positive statements to keep as motivation. You can only be responsible for ensuring you (and I guess your children eventually) are healthy, secure, well adjusted adults. Focusing on the junk they say will only poison your mind and make you sad. Sad=Bad.

Wow this turned into another essay. It's funny how our lives parallel sometimes - Sorry friend.

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JESSICA_STULTZ 8/14/2012 1:13AM

    Sometimes people get so focused on what is wrong with others that they fail to take a look at themselves. No matter what you eat, you are making big steps to a healthier you and that is what is important. I hate when people think they are so much better then everyone else.. which clearly this other person thinks that way. It just makes them look bad in the long run. I can't wait til you hit your goals and can strut your stuff in front of them. That'll show them! Haha.

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40lbs Lost... A Gift & A Curse...

Friday, August 10, 2012

So I've been talking a lot lately about the 40lb curse that I have. I have never made it past 40 lbs lost in any of my weight loss attempts. So while I am celebrating the 40 lbs lost mark, I am also keeping my focus on moving forward to the 50 lb mark.

I did not expect to wake up and be able to take this picture today. It is my weigh day, but between the rough day on Tuesday and my TOM I did not expect it, so I am really excited.

I do not have an official picture of me at 272, so the closest I have is this one where I was "around" my highest weight. The plaid shirt in the picture, I had to wear as an "over shirt" because I could only snap the bottom 2 closed and if I moved slightly they popped unbuttoned. Now I can button it all the way and I look forward to seeing the shirt get looser and looser. I have no idea what jeans I was wearing in the picture, but I have gone from a 24 to a 20 and the 20's are a little loose, so yay. :)



I can definitely tell in my chins area, and the fact that I can button up the shirt is great. It's still hard for me to be all confident and adorable in pics when I still feel I have so far to go, but I'll be glad I took this photo to look back on in the future. :D

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GEMINIGEM6 8/19/2012 12:04AM

    Girl you can def see the difference! You're doing great! Congrats! I'm with you. I have made it to the 40lb mark before too and nothing more. I have since gained that weight back and am now having to start over at a higher weight than I was back then. But I, like you, am determined to make it past the 40lb mark. :)

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GINNJEN1974 8/15/2012 8:09AM

    Yes you will be glad. I need to step it up and take some pics myself. Good for you that you are seeing all the changes taking place.

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JESSICA_STULTZ 8/14/2012 1:08AM

    Woo hoo! Definitely a change in that 40 pounds. I feel you on trying to hit that 50 down. I've been working on it these last couple weeks. Only about 2 pounds away and I was at the same weight as last week on Sunday. So frustrating. Keep pushing and you will hit that 50, then 180, then 170. You can do it!

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DIXIEDOLL87 8/13/2012 3:49PM

    Go you! You look great!

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EMMAEKAY 8/13/2012 2:12PM

    You are BEAUTIFUL!

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ZELDABEE 8/13/2012 1:59PM

    you look amazing! I can't even tell you how proud I am to have you as a spark friend!!!

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KASTASTROPHY 8/13/2012 6:49AM

    Damnnnnnnnn!!! Girrrrllllllllllll!!!!! Let me get yo number! HIt me up with dem digits cuzzz you so fly!!

but seriously!!! LOOK AT THAT!!! that is TONS of progress!!!!

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SCARJOWANNABE 8/11/2012 10:37PM

    I'm really happy for you, congrats!

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THESHELBSTER 8/11/2012 9:51PM

    You look amazing. I am so proud of you. I heart you so much!

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HEATHERFREE 8/11/2012 9:30PM

    YESSSSSS!!! awesome!! I can tell a big difference, but next time I want a bigger smile!!!!! hahaha good job hun you rule!

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SHEPIL 8/11/2012 8:00PM

    emoticon Great job. Thanks for sharing your journey.

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BELIEVER104 8/11/2012 4:24PM

    Congrats on your success so far!! Blow that 40 lbs curse out of the water!! Keep up the great work :)

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LENHARDT 8/11/2012 3:46PM

    You look great. Nice job! I have a feeling that you'll definitely make it past the 40 lbs this time. emoticon emoticon

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SHORTTOOTH1 8/11/2012 2:01PM

    Awesome job! Keep up the great work

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AMCLELLAN 8/11/2012 1:02PM

    Awesome, you are looking great!

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SKINNYMISSKASEY 8/11/2012 9:49AM

    I can see a big difference! You can make it past 40, just keep going strong! I never believed I'd lose 121lbs, but it's possible!!

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MAHGRET 8/11/2012 9:10AM

    Congrats and keep up the good work! i love the before and after photos, you can see such a difference.

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ADARKARA 8/11/2012 7:30AM

    Look at how baggy those jeans are, way to go!!!

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CHICAT63 8/11/2012 7:24AM

    How awesome is that 40 pounds lost Woohoo !!!! Now forward to 50 you can do it. emoticon

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CORNERKICK 8/11/2012 2:19AM

  Good for you...Keep it up!

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JACOBSBELOVED 8/11/2012 1:52AM

    So exciting!!!! Keep it up! Continue to find new ways to stay motivated! You are getting so incredibly close to your goal! Here's to you on your way to the 220's!

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BETHIEBOOPS 8/11/2012 1:46AM

    I'm going to teach you a secret my Mom taught me as a kid.

So: here it goes. Turn that picture upside down.

Crazy? Yes.

Now you can look at the photo with fresh eyes. (At least this is how I look at pictures of myself. It keeps me from nitpicking about my unlovely parts)

Look at the curves of your body- Sweetie- where did your upper belly go? And your legs? You gotta put those beauties in a skirt! And your face and neck shrunk! I see a HUGE difference in your legs and in your curves too. Have a look at how loose and baggy those jeans are around your legs-

I totally get that you don't want to start thinking that this is "enough". But Stephanie, you body will just keep getting smaller. With all the habits and changes you've made, you have paved the road to a smaller body- you just gotta keep trucking.

But when you get small, (notice I said WHEN!) your body image will not magically get better. If you were 135 pounds you would still find nitpicky things about your body you didn't like. Babe- you have got to start loving yourself and the vessel that is holding you. Your body is beautiful for all the awesome things it does (didn't your body take you to Disneyland? Wasn't it your body that challenged fear and did something hardcore? Your legs that lugged 270 odd pounds everywhere you needed to be? That's one powerful body!)

When I look at this picture I see weeks of hardwork, dedication and determination of a lady so beautiful she cannot yet see it herself. Just like Cinderella, you my dear are rising from the ashes to live the life you dreamed.

You should be SO VERY proud of yourself. I know I am!


AND PS: OMGOSH CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! Meet you at 50 pounds? We're neck and neck :)

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83MARTHA 8/11/2012 12:51AM

    I just went through what you are going through. I had been to 225 lbs 3 times before. I was very discouraged when I got to that point again. But this time with the encouragement of sparkpeople I fought through it. It took me a month to lose weight again. Now I have lost another 6 lbs in the last 2 weeks. Don't give up regardless how discouraging it is.Good Luck!

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SANDERSON83 8/10/2012 11:37PM

    Rock it girl!

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PUNKY100 8/10/2012 11:14PM

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Welcome to the club!!!!!! :-D

I'm so excited!!!! :-D

I can't wait until we get to 50 lost, it's going to be awesome, and I know we'll both get there!!!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LOSINGITNOW11 8/10/2012 10:36PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRACEMCC45 8/10/2012 10:18PM

    You are definitely looking great!!! Now, stop seeing 40lbs as where you've always stopped before. It is just a number. Not a milestone, a curse, a tombstone, or a stop sign. It happens to fall somewhere between 35 and 45, and that's it. It's a number, and you have many more to reach!

I know you can do it!!

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IMSOOZEEQ 8/10/2012 8:44PM

    emoticonI see a big difference. When you are struggling, look back at that picture! That should snap you right out of it. You are emoticon


emoticon emoticon

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BY-HIS-GRACE 8/10/2012 8:37PM

    You're amazing! I can't wait to lose 40... I seem to be in a slight slump.
so excited to see you with the shirt closed!! Way to go.

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Bouncing Back & Unconventional Motivation. ;)

Friday, August 10, 2012

So since my "Pull Yourself Together" Blog, I have done exactly that, and it is mostly because of all the great comments I received. There is no way I could continue the downhill spiral when #1. I knew that I was self sabotaging. #2. I had so much love and support from so many sparkers!

I have had two great days food-wise, I am still super crampy and not feeling that great so the exercise hasn't happened in it's usual form. I did however put on my heart rate monitor, and clean the kitchen while dancing to burn 500 calories, so I'll take it where I can get it.

Now on to what some might call unconventional motivation. I love Cinderella, and it has been a long running joke with a fellow overweight friend that I would love to be slutty Cinderella for Halloween one year. She wants to be Snow White. Basically it was just a pipe dream and something I never intended to follow through on.

Two years ago, I bought this outfit on clearance in the largest size they had, which is an extra large. I looked it up and that runs about a 14/16. I am currently in a 20, and let me tell you this thing does not even fit over my hips at this point. It has been in the closet ever since and I've never paid much attention to it until today.

The thing of it is, I do not want to go out in public in it. It is definitely out of my comfort zone, but I would love to be able to wear it and take a photo of me in it. That photo may very well NEVER see the light of day, but it would be something for me to have and to know that I "did it". (Kassie, sound familiar? I could totally relate to what you were saying the other day! ;))

I have now hung this costume in my room on the wall. If I had company or something I would take it down and not want to explain myself, but it is now something I am going to look at everyday. On my fridge I put a Cinderella magnet which is my less dramatic reminder each and every time I go to the fridge.



The costume is reversible and turns into Snow White, two slutty pics for the price of one, who could resist? I am under no illusion that I would look like the woman in these photos, but this is just a fun non scale related goal for me and something to look forward to. I have really been lacking in motivation and I am grabbing it anywhere I can.

In other news I am one pound away from the 40lb lost mark, and I am chomping at the bit to take 40 lb lost photos. There might not be a huge difference when I see the photos, but it is something to look forward to nonetheless. :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASTASTROPHY 8/13/2012 6:48AM

    i love it!!!!! I can't wait to see your slutty outfit right alongside mine!!!! http://www.etsy.com/listing/8950074
6/custom-sizing-pacific-sunset-
leg-warmers this is going to be part of my outfit! not sure if i'll go with these colors but i plan on keeping these in my closet lol!!!!

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THESHELBSTER 8/11/2012 9:57PM

    You are totally gonna be rocking that outfit before you know it. Great goal and totally achievable.

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JACOBSBELOVED 8/11/2012 1:47AM

    You have your slutty Cinderella costume up and I have a baby onesie up. It hangs up in my room over my dresser. I too take it down if a repairman comes over or if I know friends or family will be in my master bedroom. It reminds me that when I lose the weight, my husband and I then can try to have a baby. We've never tried because I would just be crushed if something went wrong because of my weight. It really is a good reminder of what our goals are and new visuals always help me as well. Go ahead and take those pictures when it fits! You do it for you!

Keep it up, girl! You are AWESOME!

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CHICAT63 8/10/2012 1:28PM

    You'd be surprised at the fit of those costumes, my daughter has bought a sexy Minnie Mouse costume it's an XL. I had a Disney Themed Wedding to go to and it did fit me ! The dress was way too short but I wore one of my spandex workout leggings just past the knee with the ears and everything. Can't wait to see the photos !!!!

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PRINCESSAA12 8/10/2012 12:06PM

    The dress is awesome! I would have gotten it too! Good motivation! Keep it up.

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PUNKY100 8/10/2012 11:39AM

    Hahahaha maybe someday I should post my halloween photo from when I was in college...I was I think like an 18-20-22 somewhere around there, and I had this corset thing from Lane Bryant that I wore and went as a 'hooker'. It was very entertaining LOL I would love to be able to wear one of those and actually go to a party in it and show it off. How amazing would that be!!! :-D

I can't wait to see the 40 lbs lost photos!!!!! There will definitely be some difference, you just have to get them side by side! :-D

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BETHIEBOOPS 8/10/2012 11:34AM

    AWESOME! I've always wanted to fit in a one size fits all costume. Apparently one size is a size 12 or smaller :) Lately, I've been dreaming of taking sexy pics for my hubby and I bet a costume like this would be a fun way to make him smile ha!

I'm so proud of you and CAN'T WAIT to see your 40 pounds down photos. They are so liberating!

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HEATHERFREE 8/10/2012 11:33AM

    woohoo! I pound away from the 40 pounds lost...awesome I'm just trying to get up to thirty! Ive lost 24 now and this week has not been good, so hopefully I can pull it together! I really liked the cinderella magnet idea to remind you outside of your bedroom.

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ADARKARA 8/10/2012 9:52AM

    I love this idea! I would love someday to be able to have boudoir photos taken for my husband. =)

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AMCLELLAN 8/10/2012 9:00AM

    I think that is a cool goal. I mean, we each have our own little things that keep up going. My husband and I have a running joke that some day I will get one of the out fits that they show in the porn store windows that we pass every day. You will wear that outfit, and you will rock it! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HIDDENRUNES 8/10/2012 8:57AM

    I totally get it! I have a dream of one of those little german barmaid costumes...Would never ever wear in public but it would be awesome to slip into that and feel like I look good. Maybe I should buy one and hang it up like you! Nice idea on the cinderella magnet too. Good luck!

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Pull Yourself Together Woman! (Letter To Self)

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Hey Crazy Lady,

You, yes you, crazy lady, what in the world are you doing? Who are you trying to fool? You were 2lbs away from the 40 pounds lost mark before vacation. Your goal was to at the very least maintain while you were on vacation for a week, and despite your slip ups you did that. But what was with this mess today?

You started off with good intentions. You had a 16 hour shift that you were dreading, and you came prepared with plenty of healthy food. You started off the day right with your turkey chili, but where did it all fall apart? Oh that's right, you said just one donut wouldn't hurt. You thought you would track it and move on. Next thing you know it was TWO donuts. All of a sudden you snapped and you ordered a tostada salad from El Pollo Loco, which you knew good and well was around 900 calories, but you just didn't care now did you? You were hungry after that and still had something else to eat.

I bet you said "eff this, I'm tired, I'm cranky, I have cramps and am pms'ing, and I am stuck here for 16 hours!" Okay fine, but what does that have to do with eating like a pig? You tracked the damage and you are looking at 2900 calories. That is two days worth of food in one day.

I know exactly what you are doing, you do this EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. You have NEVER lost more than 40lbs in one weight loss attempt. NEVER. You are so close to the 40lb mark, you are feeling a little lighter, people are starting to notice, and you are thinking "hey I'm doing pretty good." Then all of a sudden BAM! You start thinking you don't need to watch what you eat as closely, or don't need to move as much, and you start backsliding. I think there is a part of you that is AFRAID to lose this weight, it is your wall, and you feel it protects you, but we will get to that another time.

If 40 lbs lost was your goal that would be another thing, but you are not even close! Your ultimate goal is 180 pounds, which is still 54 pounds away. Your shorter term goal is to get to Onederland, so what's the hold up? I also secretly know your goal weight of 180 is a little cushy, it's cushy because you are afraid of failure. I mean look, I know you haven't been under 200 since before you were 18, and 180 would be quite the accomplishment. You wouldn't look too shabby at it either, but I secretly know you would really rather aim for about 170. But we'll pretend I don't know that... for now.

For now, you need your eyes on the prize, and the prize is Onederland. I don't mean to kick you while your down, but someone needed to give you a wake up call, so here it is. I will at least say you did walk 1.6 miles today at work, so you get a little credit there, but the truth is if you don't pull yourself together, you can kiss Onederland goodbye. I know you look down at your stomachs everyday and wish they were gone, so don't give up on yourself, you can do it!

Much Love,
Your Inner Skinny Girl

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THESHELBSTER 8/11/2012 9:54PM

    I need to write one of these to myself. I keep sabotaging my own hard work and it is pissing me off.

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PIICHII 8/10/2012 11:45AM

    Wow I wish I could talk to myself like this. I need some advice to myself hahah

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JESSICA_STULTZ 8/9/2012 12:23PM

    I definitely know the feeling when you have lost the weight and start to slide because the weight lost is starting to show. My tracking is horrible lately.. but I still try to keep track at least a little. Don't get down on yourself.. You will reach your 40 pounds down.. and then your wonderland, 180, AND 170. Just gotta get your butt back on track asap! An "I can do it" attitude works wonders. Now is the time to challenge yourself to get past where you have gone in the past and show yourself that you can do anything including getting back to a happier, healthier you. Hope today goes a lot better for you. That time of month can be a killer some days!
emoticon emoticon

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ZELDABEE 8/9/2012 11:22AM

    Sorry I was late commenting, I def need to write one of these to myself - the last two days have been horribe...tuesday more so then yesterday but enough about me - I loved this!! We all have off days but the sooner we learn to accept those days we can move on rather then fall back into old habits. You doing wonderful and i can't wait to see those 40 pounds lost pictures!!!!

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GRACEMCC45 8/9/2012 6:42AM

    Wow!!! Powerful words!

2900 Calorie days happen, and you are doing an awesome, WONDERFUL thing with this blog!

It is the epitome of Track, Learn, Reflect, Move On. The key in not letting 1 binge day turn into a bad week or month.

Keep up the awesome work!! emoticon

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BETHIEBOOPS 8/9/2012 4:00AM

    I just want to give you a big hug. Are we possibly sisters? Girl, we need to claim back our power. Who controls who we are? We do! Not our fear. Not our insecurities. We gotta get our blinders on and focus on the path ahead of us. Here with you girl. This is week 3 of plateauing and it is absolutely killing me. We can do this!

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HEATHERFREE 8/8/2012 8:29PM

    Great letter! It is exactly what I would say to someone....so I need to say it to myself too!!! You can do this, me and you we are neck and neck and from the sounds of your "eat whatever" day and my several "eat whatever" days we NEED to slap the crap out of ourselves and keep on this!!!! P.S. where do you live?

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TYANDCARSMOM 8/8/2012 12:58PM

    That was an AWESOME blog!! I really connected with it & kinda made me say to myself... am I reading someone else's blog or is this my InnerSkinny Girl talking to me? I have been self sabotaging lately... and it needs to stop!!

Thanks for sharing,
Nicole

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WILDBEANERZ 8/8/2012 12:10PM

    Great blog! Such an open honest letter to yourself. emoticon

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PRIMATEP 8/8/2012 12:04PM

    "you are feeling a little lighter, people are starting to notice, and you are thinking "hey I'm doing pretty good." Then all of a sudden BAM! You start thinking you don't need to watch what you eat as closely, or don't need to move as much, and you start backsliding."

Thank you for writing all of this out! That is totally what happens to me. You are so strong for facing it and putting it out there - I think this is a perfect step toward getting it done.

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EMMAEKAY 8/8/2012 11:23AM

    Go, inner skinny girl! Kick fat girl OUT of the driver's seat and take control today!

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ADARKARA 8/8/2012 11:20AM

    Love this, great blog!

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WANNARUN22 8/8/2012 10:04AM

    WOW!!! Amazing letter to yourself! I have a certain spot that I usually kind of 'give up' at and then regain. This time is different and I know it can be different for you too! Just get your head in a good space again, and get back on track today!! Good luck!

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PUNKY100 8/8/2012 9:50AM

    Yep, I know exactly where this is coming from!! I was thinking the SAME thing last week, that my subconscious is telling me that I'm done, but I'm not!!!! And neither are you!!! I know you'll hit that 40 lb mark, and then it will be 50, and you'll be well on your way again. We all have bad days, and I'm glad you acknowledged it and are going to keep on working.

That's the hardest part, so good for you!!!!!

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CHICAT63 8/8/2012 9:31AM

    Great letter to one self !!!! emoticon emoticon you can and will get past the 40 pounds loss mark, I challenge you HA !

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COURTNEY055 8/8/2012 9:26AM

    Great Letter to inner self. I can relate to it! I lost and regained 14lbs. I think too cuz I was scared of what losing weight meant and that was maintaing the loss. I'm back on the losing side and I feel much more confident this time. best of luck to you! U can do it! emoticon

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IMSOOZEEQ 8/8/2012 7:51AM

    Hey girl you sound like me!!! lol I loved the letter! It is all very true stuff. Some times we have to get to this point before we get that AHA moment or we make that quality decision that we are going to do it and NOTHING is going to get in the way - not even ourselves!!

You can do it my friend!!!

Susan emoticon

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81MSMITH1 8/8/2012 6:58AM

    Great letter. It really resonated with me. emoticon

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PATTOMMC3 8/8/2012 6:32AM

    emoticon

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GHOSTFLAMES 8/8/2012 5:09AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Home From Vacay - The Good, Bad and The Ugly...

Friday, August 03, 2012

So I spent 8 days in Vegas with my Gammie. We had a lot of fun. I gambled and lost my a$$, but hey, it happens! ;) I came back to see all the comments wishing me well on my last blog... I was so gung-ho! But just being in Vegas comes with a lot of food temptations lol.

So did I do what I set out to do? I would say 50/50.

The Good:
emoticon: I brought my George Foreman Grill & food scale with me.
emoticon: I counted my calories and stayed in range 4 out of 8 days.
emoticon: We made yummy "taco salads" by putting in some lean ground beef and crushing up a few Dorritos (that is the taco part), so yummy and low in calories. We had that a lot.
emoticon: Got a bit of walking in, not a TON, but some is better than nothing. :)

The Bad:
emoticon: Original plan was one trip to the buffet with the free food coupon, and one trip to the Cafe to split something with the other free food coupon. We ended up buffeting twice in lieu of going to the cafe.
emoticon: We did go to Applebees, but I didn't end up ordering off the 550 and under menu. My Applebees closed down and I haven't been in years. This may sound like an excuse and anyone who wants to think it is is actually fine with me. ;) It was 14 dollars for some sirloin thing that I was going to pick, it wasn't something I wanted or something I would pick just because... but it was the only thing off that menu that basically didn't have shrimp (I don't eat seafood). They currently had a promotion 2 for $20. Essentially for 7 dollars more, my grandma and I both ate and had an appetizer. I knew the spinach dip was over 800 calories, so we got onion rings as an appetizer instead and I got chicken strips & fries. Only bright side was I didn't eat it all, normally I'd inhale it. That ended up being my only meal for the day, not intentionally but I was stuffed the rest of the day.

The Ugly:
emoticon: It happened yesterday. It was just a bad day, plus I'm PMS'ing. I pull into the stupid gas station, and as I am pulling up to the pump I notice this dumba$$ driving away with the gas pump attached to her car. Just as I am saying it to my grandma, it flies like a sling shot and hits my car. I get out, she gets out, I had to keep my dumba$$ comment to myself. She didn't even really say sorry she said "I can't believe I forgot that", I said nothing she said "Did it hit your car", I said "yeah." I thought it hit farther back and was checking and I couldn't see any damage. Mind you my car isn't in perfect condition, but it's an 06 so it isn't a dented up piece of crap either. I was just so mad and I didn't see anything. So she leaves and that is when I see the freakin dent in my drivers door. Let's just say I'm still angry talking about it now. It's not huge, maybe 2 inches but it just sent me into a why me spiral. Why was I at THAT gas station at that EXACT moment? More importantly why didn't I see it BEFORE I said I didn't see anything and she drove off? So. ANNOYED. I try to convince myself it isn't something big enough that I would get fixed, but now every time I get in the car I stare at the dent.

I didn't even get gas, I was in beeyotch mode. Drove home, sat for a while. Then left Grandma, went to get gas and told her I was going to Del Taco. Ladies and gents it was stress eating at it's finest. I got a big fat chicken taco combo (two tacos)... shared the fries with Grandma. I also got a spicy jack quesadilla and those new potato popper things (whatever that is). I couldn't eat it all at once (like I used to) but just saved the rest for later and ate it. I knew what I was doing when I was doing it, and have already had my pitty party about it. It just reminds me this is an on going struggle and will continue to be an uphill battle for the rest of my life.


So there you have it, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of my trip. In comparison it could have been so much worse. 8 days in Vegas would normally be 10-12 meals out. I left here at about 234, my night time weight (I couldn't resist) is 237... so I either maintained or gained about 1lb but to me that is a success. I can come back weighing 5 pounds more very easily. So my 40 pounds down (232) still has to wait, but it will come soon, I just know it. :D

I missed Spark and everyone on it. I also learned this is a very important key to my success!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEATHERFREE 8/6/2012 1:12PM

    Dude you did fantastic!! I wouldn't be able to do that well! And next time I'm coming to vegas too! I need to get out of this hick town for a few days...ha. Just so you know I'm still here, I am still doing this and I will have a new vlog up or maybe two telling about all the crap thats been going on.

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JESSICA_STULTZ 8/6/2012 12:06AM

    Sometimes gains happen.. Just gotta get back on track and show your body whose boss. ;-) I know the emotional eating all too well. I've been doing a lot better with it lately though. Hope you can find some way to get around it. It is soo hard to beat emotional eating.. and I'm not sure it can ever fully be done. Sucks that you had to get a dent in your car.. but maybe it can be a memory of visiting your grandma for now.. until it gets fixed. It'll probably be something you laugh about later in life. Was it a good trip overall though?

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BETHIEBOOPS 8/4/2012 12:55AM

    Oh my goodness! I missed you on Spark! But it sounds like your vacay was AWESOME! You did a GREAT job! emoticon

I'm sorry to hear about your car. I am glad to hear that no one was hurt though, if that had hit your windshield, or a person, it would have been so much worse.

Are you finding it difficult to get back into the swing of things now that you are home?

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GRACEMCC45 8/3/2012 3:17PM

    All around success, by far! Stress eating happens! You did great! emoticon

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ZELDABEE 8/3/2012 11:04AM

    I saw a lot more woo-woos then frowning faces! You did amazing on vacation and I totally get why you were upset, maybe heather is right - we all need punching bags to work out our frusrations.

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CHICAT63 8/3/2012 10:05AM

    OMG I have forgotten to put back my gas cap but the pump itself. I am sorry about your car and well, we can understand you being upset. Hey you did great while being in Vegas, Your weight is most likely from the sodium content of your stress eating episode - that's all it was it. Today is a new day, it's even a new month. emoticon emoticon

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PUNKY100 8/3/2012 8:31AM

    Oh my god, what a stupid lady!!! How do you FORGET to take it out of your car unless you're doing a ditch and dash and don't plan on paying for your gas?!?!?! That's just stupidity at it's finest. Don't get me wrong, I have left the little door to my gas tank open before, but it wasn't attached to the thing!!!

And the way I see it, there are 4 successes and only 3 bad things. That means you went 4/7, over 50%, which I consider an overall success! Sounds like you had a great time (too bad we can't say the same for your car...) and I'm excited for you to see 240 very soon!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AMCLELLAN 8/3/2012 8:06AM

    Even with the Bad and the Ugly you still managed some good. That is better than nothing. You will hit your goal. Sorry about the car though. emoticon
emoticon welcome back!!!! emoticon

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JURORI 8/3/2012 8:04AM

    I'm glad to hear you had some good to go with the bad, sorry to hear about your car. Dents can be fixed, however awful it was that that happened, and you're still coming to Spark, so any potential gain over the weekend can also be resolved if you choose to take care of it- which it looks like you are! :) Roll with the punches and come up stronger. WELCOME BACK!

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MSNOMOREFLUFFY 8/3/2012 5:04AM

    emoticon Sounds like a roller coaster. It's good that you're back safe.

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