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My Mini Freakout

Saturday, June 30, 2012

I wasn't even going to bother posting it, but this is for you Lacey...;) In regards to your blog the other day, I just wanted you to know you are not the only one.

So I rely heavily on frozen food when I go to work. I usually bring 2 lean pockets and a bag of frozen veggies. That is put in one bag. My various "refridgerated" stuff in a separate bag. Today the contents of that bag were pretty scarce: Turkey burger patty, string cheese, sugar free jello, and that was it. It wasn't until I was all the way to work I realized I left the frozen bag (aka the majority of my "meals") at home. I just honestly, I was so angry. They had pizza and cheesecake last night at work on my day off, and my friend saved me one piece of cheesecake. That is why my amount of food and snacks was lower, so I could accommodate that cheesecake I really wanted to have.

Normal me would have said eff it, I'm going to eat a ton of the pizza that is in there, and I'll have the cheesecake and who really cares? At least there was pizza in there if I needed it, but I really didn't want it. Then top it off, they go for dinner at a burger place, which is fine, but there is no online site. So no menu, no nutrition etc. I managed to get a chicken pita and seasoned fries... I know the fries were bad for me but there are a ton of them and the plan is to throw out half. I'm glad I got the chicken pita instead of a burger, so I guess A for effort.

But the craziest part is, after all is said and done it still bugs me a little that I can't track it properly. It bugs me that I didn't have the food I meant to bring... but the thing that scares me is this... this sounds so silly to say out loud... but because of my addiction (for lack of a better word) for fast food, I am worried about getting back into a slippery slope. I guess the out of control part of me feels like I had "fast food" today, and that will continue on tomorrow and the next day and the next day, because this is what has happened in the past. It might sound really stupid, but that is my past behavior and that is why it worried me so much.

After I have calmed down I realize that this is something I need to learn to deal with, and to roll with the punches, life happens and I need to learn to adjust. I just have to remind myself that this time is different and doesn't have to wind up like all the times before. The fact that I'm not in the kitchen stuffing myself with pizza at this very moment is a victory in itself. :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CORTNEY-LEE 7/6/2012 4:38AM

    do you have a freezer at work where you can keep things?

I always have a frozen dinner on hand at the office incase I forget my lunch

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TEMPESTKITTEN 7/6/2012 12:04AM

  I look at the guilt that comes with enjoying something the world deems "naughty" in the same way you handle an obnoxious bully. If you ignore the nagging then eventually it stops.

When I start to feel down about a bad day I list my accomplishments. Seems to help. Better luck this month!

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GRACEMCC45 7/4/2012 10:57AM

    I totally know where you are coming from. I have had a *horrible* food week... 5+ days of bad choices... sometimes it just gets really disheartening until you get your ass in gear!! Great job with your choices!!

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ZELDABEE 7/1/2012 10:32AM

    I appreicate that you posted this! it does really help to write things down and get them off your chest. I understand where your coming from, when we eat out or go to david's mom for supper I always stress that I have to guesstimate my calories but I read something that helps, it's not about perfection - it's about progress. Your making some awesome progress, you ate out but you make a healthy choice - you COULD have had pizza but you didnt! You COULD have had a burger but you decided not to! A bad meal is not going to make you gain 5 pounds (something I have to continue to remind myself), a bad day can not spend us back to our old habits if we don't let it but i know you already know that!

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June Goals - Results (Beware: Lots of own-horn-tooting ahead)

Friday, June 29, 2012

As I said at the beginning of June, I have always envied the people that put up their goals at the beginning of a month, and actually came back at the end of the month to show that they had accomplished something. I have never followed through... until now! My list may not be anything super exciting, but it was my list nonetheless:
emoticon Drink 8 glasses of water each day. emoticon: emoticon This has finally become so easy for me that I don't really have to monitor it, it just happens.

emoticon Walk 4 miles per week. emoticon: emoticon
This one was my greatest work. The first week I went on a trip to Vegas, did 4 miles. Week 2: 8.2 miles. Week 3: 13.74 miles. I should be finishing week 4 with 15.2 miles, maybe a little more. This goal was definitely my biggest accomplishment. :D

emoticon Do 60 minutes cardio per week. emoticon: This one is kind of wishy washy, it was hit and miss with me trying to do something other than walking, I did a lot of it, but considering I smashed my mileage goal I don't feel too bad about it.

emoticon Do 10 minutes of strength training 3x/week emoticon: This one is definitely still a work in progress, I'm doing okay but not enough to get the goal met icon. ;)

emoticon Track everything I eat no matter how bad. emoticon: emoticon

emoticonLose 8 pounds by the end of June. (240.5) emoticon: emoticon 240.4, just squeaked by.

I am feeling confident enough in my lifestyle change that I don't feel the need to write it out for July, it's not cockiness, just a confidence that I know what I need to do and can continue to do it. Walking is definitely "my thing" and I can't wait to keep building up so I can walk farther and farther. :D

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WEIGHTING4BABY 7/8/2012 1:54PM

    What if one day you become one of those bad ass runners??? ;-) That is like a major dream of mine!

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HEATHERFREE 7/6/2012 8:23PM

    ahhh Im SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU! Im not doin great with my goals, I will go three days do great and then, I skip a day or more. But seeing that goal met icon makes me want to stick with mine super strict so I can post a blog like that.

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KAESEA78 7/3/2012 5:08AM

    This is super awesome! I am proud of you woman! I say toot your own horn, and LOUDLY at that!!!!

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CHICAT63 7/1/2012 6:44AM

    Woohoo, you did great !!!! emoticon

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GRACEMCC45 6/30/2012 5:43PM

    Awesome job!!

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LIBELULITA 6/30/2012 10:35AM

    Excellent.....well done!! emoticon emoticon

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    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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STOPPLAYING2011 6/30/2012 1:48AM

    I like this blog the way you show your goals with pics are really nice emoticon

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JSR325 6/29/2012 9:42PM

    Awesome Job. I'm sure you'll do just as great in July!

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TRACY31502 6/29/2012 9:08PM

    Great job knocking out those goals girl!!!

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Creeper-Free and Feeling Spark-ly! :D

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

So I pretty much have no desire to get super dooper personal on here. I mean I will get crazy personal with weight loss related stuff, it's just the "extra" stuff that I only chose to share in small doses. I left the last blog with just saying there was no sparkle with that guy. Well I won't go into the long version, but the guy was a total creeper, true story lol. If I went in depth people would have been telling me to ditch him ASAP. So the good news is he is gone-sies, yay me. ;)

I have been feeling just so great, and I have no idea why. I haven't felt spark-ly in a long time, and I haven't felt like myself. Today on the way to work I was just in such a good mood, singing and dancing in my car. Even got a few weird looks, funny because I look at the people who *aren't* singing and dancing funny. ;) I feel like I have more energy, and I am just feeling good. I love this site and love seeing peoples progress, and I love all my spark friends. You guys rock so much and I am thankful for each and every one of you! :D

I am hoping the scale will join me in feeling spark-ly on Friday and at least let me go down a little, but I know that is just a number and for once I'm not stressing about it, and that is thanks to so many of you and your awesome reminders! :D

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETHIEBOOPS 7/3/2012 7:23AM

    You are adorable! Love this!

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THESHELBSTER 6/29/2012 9:15PM

    Awww. This made me smile. We love you too honey bunches of oats!

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TEMPESTKITTEN 6/29/2012 12:36PM

  Aw nuts I love creeper stories.. It is excellent you feel sparkly! emoticon

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TAMMIEANN76 6/27/2012 12:45PM

    Way to go, sweetie. Sounds like you've made some good decisions!

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MOM2FAB4 6/27/2012 11:32AM

    You are so awesome!!! I'm glad you're done with the creeper, too! Don't settle for anything but the best in everything, because YOU ARE WORTH IT! xox

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GOOSIEMOON 6/27/2012 9:52AM

    Maybe you could pretend to feel spark-ly until you actually do?
Fake it 'til you make it?

Keep up the good work and have a great day!

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GRACEMCC45 6/27/2012 7:23AM

    All around awesome!!! Keep up the great work!


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JURORI 6/27/2012 7:01AM

    Happy to hear the creeper in question is gone! Also glad to hear about you feeling so good. When I had a car in the States I used to bust out singing constantly with all my favorite tunes; it put me in a good mood for work, school, you name it, so I'm glad I'm not the only one who does that!

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EOWYN2424 6/27/2012 6:39AM

    Atm, I'm just feeling so hungry..........

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SHERMOR13 6/27/2012 6:35AM

    SO glad your feeling "spark- ly"!!! love it! Good luck on your journey AND may the scale join you in sparkling this Friday!QQ

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BIGDOG18 6/27/2012 6:28AM


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Maintaining on the scale, but habits are changing...

Saturday, June 23, 2012

The scale maintained this week. Actually, it gave me a lot of grief. It told me I was 10 pounds down. I never even thought "wow, could it be?" I knew it was wrong. I knew I was about on track to maintain this week since I already peeked at it the other day. I am thinking it needs new batteries, didn't make it to the store today, but will definitely get some before next weeks weigh in. I moved it over and stepped on it 2 more times and got the accurate reading, so at least I don't have to buy a new one. *PHEW*.

Normally I'd be absolutely floored by not losing anything this week, but I really am feeling this time is different. So many things have changed. In the last month and a half I have formed so many new habits and not given up which is huge for me. I walked 3 consecutive miles today which I haven't done... well EVER. I have walked just over 12 miles for the week, which blows my 4 mile a week goal for June out of the water. The biggest accomplishment for me is the food. I have pretty much been in my calories for the entire month of June so far, with the exception of buffet day when I went to Vegas at the beginning of the month. That was my one exception and I've pretty much stuck to it. I did have one other super bad day, but bounced back from it the very next day, so that was a victory. But I realized that I have not eaten fast food by myself this entire month so far. This is the girl who would eat fast food 5-10 times in a week. I have gone out to dinner with family on a few occasions, but I have tracked everything and been in range. I haven't hit up 2 drive thrus and ordered enormous amounts of food, which is something I did quite frequently.

I know old habits can spring up on us at any point, and I am not saying it's always easy, but I finally feel like I have myself in a comfortable routine. And as for the flippin' scale, he'll catch up eventually, and I'm not going to let him get me down in the mean time!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEATHERFREE 6/28/2012 12:02AM

    12 miles in a week?! You rock! This time IS different! You are changing important things and LIVING in a healthier way! I'm so proud of you, and I can really relate because I have really been amazed by myself, even when I slip up and eat something bad or don't exercise, I am still so amazed that this time was different and I am changing everyday and I haven't just given up and completely went back to old ways.

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THESHELBSTER 6/24/2012 9:12PM

    You are freaking fantabulous. I am so proud of you. You rock. Great job on everything.

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GATEAUX981 6/24/2012 4:34PM

    wow! You are doing so great! If I make it through a day without eating something sweet I feel like I am accomplishing alot, and here you are being a superstar!!!
you should be super proud of yourself, they say is takes 21 days to form a habit. You've totally got this now!!!! Keep it up! emoticon

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LIBELULITA 6/24/2012 6:27AM

    You are doing so very well and don't worry about the'll catch up in the end. The tape measure might be showing success where the scale is letting you down? emoticon

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GRACEMCC45 6/23/2012 11:07AM

    The scale is the least important tool to mark our successes - you just listed them all there! You are doing so great, keep it up!

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ZELDABEE 6/23/2012 11:06AM

    Woo-Hoo! If this isn't a non scale victory I don't know what is, and I've come to realize NSV are even more rewarding! 12 miles in a week! You are rocking it fierce this week girl! Soooo proud of you, keep up those great habits!

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AMCLELLAN 6/23/2012 10:26AM

    Good Job! The scale isn't always the most important thing, & it is nice to see that you have not obsessed about it. It is so great to see the accomplishments you have done. Keep up the good work!!!!

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MOM2FAB4 6/23/2012 9:49AM

    I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!! I think you've made fantastic changes, and you're sticking to them, which is awesome! Even when you have a "bad" day, it's just ONE day - you get right back on track! emoticon emoticon

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KAESEA78 6/23/2012 5:34AM

    Go you!!! I am , too, trying to focus on the positive changes I am making. It is jsut hard sometimes. Congrats on all your successes!!! It sounds like those are actually the kinds of changes that you will need for this to be a lifetime lifestyle change. I am proud of you no matter what that stinking scale says lol

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Date # 2, 2 miles in boots & avoided a binge...

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I never get super personal in these blogs, so this is a first but I'm not going to dive in too deep. But I had date #2 tonight. This is huge for me because I don't date. You are thinking oh she doesn't date a lot? No, I don't date, period. At the age of 26 I can count the guys I've dated on one hand, okay one hand and a pinky from the other hand. :p I've never had a serious boyfriend, oy vey.

Anyways, this had the potential to be a great date. Movies and then a walk on the Santa Monica Pier. They use that pier in so many movies, with the arcade and the roller coaster and the ferris wheel. The bad news is I was just super uncomfortable and not feeling any sparkle or any butterflies. My mom said she thinks I'm too picky, but I really just want this: A nice guy, who can make me laugh, that gives me at least tiny butterflies and it's someone that I just can't wait to see again. Unfortunately that isn't the case here. I don't even know how to tell him I'm really not feeling it, it's going to be hard because he is so good about telling me how much he likes me.

Okay, enough of that, because I feel weird talking about that stuff on here. And Kastastrophy, if you are reading this I meant to take a picture of me all "prettied up" but I forgot, I hope you can forgive me.

So we walked almost 2 miles, in my hooker boots and I was fine. The only thing was my poor pinky toe has a blister on it, but that's my fault of course. But I was amazed. I am a girl with a plate in my leg and 2 screws in my ankle from a nasty break (awesome xray in my photo album if you care to see), and also someone who has arthritis in both knees and used to have TONS of flare ups. I can't even go bowling because my knees swell the next day. If it wasn't for my pinky toe (these boots are super comfy btw), I could have went on forever. ;)

So on the way home I started to get a little said. I was really hoping I could really feel something for this boy and that maybe just maybe I would finally NOT be single, for the first time in 26 years. So that kind of bummed me out. Then it made me think about how I miss the person I dated before and the butterflies he gave me (ooh baby), and I just took a nose dive and just felt like crap.

So immediately my mind starts racing, you feel like crap, what's the solution, FOOD. I was already thinking in my head "You could get Tommy's chili cheese fries, then go next door to jack in the box and get stuffed jalapenos and a chicken sandwich..." I was ready to revert back to my old habits. Instead I called my mom and asked her to join me at Denny's. I know some people may think that's just as bad but here is why it was different. I had only eaten a small breakfast of 200 calories, and walked almost 2 miles on my date. I knew I wanted to eat something greasy, but couldn't trust myself to eat alone. I'd never eat that way in front of my mother. We went to Denny's and I dished about my date, and I had the Super Bird with fries. I tracked all the calories, and didn't eat all my fries. To me it was a success. To be in calories and still "get what I wanted" in terms of something nice and greasy was a good enough success for me. ;) Now if my blister can just go away, I'll be back in business. :D Good thing it's on the topish/outside of my toe and I can avoid shoes til Saturday. *PHEW*

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THESHELBSTER 6/24/2012 9:16PM

    Butterflies are super important. No one should ever settle for no butterflies. You were right to follow your heart. And I am super proud of you for not binging. You just amaze me on a daily basis with your extreme awesomeness and fantabulousness. :0)

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MOM2FAB4 6/22/2012 7:55AM

    I would definitely call this a success!!! So, you didn't get butterflies - that's ok! Maybe he is someone who could be a really great friend to you - everyone needs good friends! And, as for your choices - sistafriend, you did an AWESOME job! Seriously, you could have blown through 3 different drive-thru's and eaten 2 days worth of calories... but you DIDN'T! I'm so flipping proud of you!!!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KASTASTROPHY 6/22/2012 7:22AM

    I can't believe you didn't take a picture!!!!!!!! Bad bad bad!!!! I demand a boot picture to satisfy my needs because I want boots soooooo badly!!!!

I am soooo glad you broke your "habit food" that is such a hard thing to do!!! (I am really really proud and would write so much more but it is 4am and I am on my cell phone!! So just read this with an ooze of awesomeness)

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HEATHERFREE 6/20/2012 4:54PM

    PSH! No offense to everyone here, but I'm for the buttflies! :) yes BUTTFLIES. its much funnier. lol Some people don't need butterflies and have great relationships, but if your someone who thinks about butterflies then YOU SHOULD WAIT FOR BUTTERFLIES. You sound like me, someone who doesnt want to settle anymore, and if we don't wait for the butterflies, and we try to wait things out with someone who doesn't give us that feeling then were gonna constantly be waiting for it.....I JUST dated someone a couple months ago for the first time in years, and he was the sweetest guy EVER! Cooked, played guitar, clean freak, dressed nice, christian, tall, funny. The best guy I ever dated in my entire life! But there were no butterflies.

And I'm not talking the hot makeout butterflies....I had those. But I didn't have the I really like this boy type of butterflies....and it was sooo hard for me to break up with him cuz I felt like I was freakin crazy for it, I cried and everything......but I didn't get THAT feeling. SO you just wait for those butterflies!!! and I give you props for walking in your hooker boots! haha AND eating at Dennys with your mom instead of going on the drive thru raids.

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BASEBALLTOROS 6/20/2012 10:05AM

    Hey, you did great!
Butterflies are over rated, well, not totally true. I love them and still get them all the time. I am sure Mr. right will come around soon, at 26 your still young and have time. Keep focusing on you and he will be there before you know it! Keep up the good work! emoticon

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DEBSGETTINFIT 6/20/2012 9:40AM

    You are only 26 and that is still young. I think the relationships that last the longest are the ones that start off as friendships. If you two have fun together and the same goals that itself means a lot. Movies with the fairytale romances are just that "fairy tales". Just hang in there and your special someone will show up.

I think you did great going to Denny's versus the other fast food place. It is so nice that you have your mom nearby to be able to do that with you. I have to drive 3.5 hrs to see mine.

You did very good in the writing of this blog. emoticon

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ELLEJAY7 6/20/2012 8:31AM

    Don't be so quick to judge. It's not always a romance novel type thing. When I first met my husband I would refer to him as "the goob". Needless to say, our relationship developed. We've been happily married 21 years! Glad you chose Denny's! emoticon

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SHERYLDS 6/20/2012 8:12AM

    somethings need to develop.
being the object of someone's desire is a wonderful thing
treasure it

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