Sunday, July 08, 2012
So this time around I have accepted that this is for, well, ever. There is no way around it. I will always have to exercise, and I will always have to track or at the very least monitor my food intake and calories. Plain and simple. But doing that in what was once a 272 pound body is not the easiest, especially the physical aspect.
I realized yesterday that even though this is never going to magically be easy, and the food particularly will always be a struggle for me... that I will be able to be doing this in a much smaller body! Even just the difference from recently being down to 240 from 260 I can already feel a little difference. I don't really *see* any difference, but I can feel it when I walk up and down the stairs, and when I exercise and just how I move in general.
My goal weight as of right now is 180. I think I could truly be content, maybe even happy at that weight. I may work on going even lower than that, and I realize just by "doing what I'm doing" and keeping it up I may continue to go lower just be trying to "maintain" that weight... but I just think of how much easier things will be for me when my body isn't quite so big, specifically the exercise. I also think right now sometimes I get the thoughts of "what does it matter if you lost X amount of weight, you are still fat!" But as I get smaller and smaller I will like the body I am in that much more and will want to fight that much harder to keep it.
I used to say that if someone could wave a magic wand and make me skinny, I would do ANYTHING to keep it that way.
But since it doesn't work that way, I am going to fight to get my body to a point where I am happy, and just continue to fight to keep it that way.
Friday, July 06, 2012
So my lost blog wasn't the best, it was about my mini freak out. I had a rough 24 hours, and I didn't make the best choices and there was a huge part of me that wanted to continue in those bad choices (but didn't). Don't ask me why the *third* month is always the kiss of death for me. I have never made it successfully to 4 months of weight loss on any plan. As you might have guessed, July was the start of month 3, followed by that little rough patch.
But today we will focus on the positives:
-After the 24 freak out that had many bad food choices, I immediately got back on track.
-It is the third month and I am aware and I am doing everything in my power to make it to the 4th month.
-I resisted SO MUCH temptation today at work. I worked the opposite shift I normally do which left me tired and cranky, which usually means I am in an "eat whatever I want mood"... today I did not eat one thing at work that I did not bring with me. Today alone, I turned down (and was actually bugged 3 times about eating a burger): Lemon cake, apple pie, brownies, hot dogs, hamburgers, fried chicken, chips, and potato salad. I even had a very successful 4th, I had 1 serving of my baked cheetos, the hamburger patty only, and 1/2 cup of potato salad.
I tend to focus on the negative and my "slip ups" and they seem to always be my number one focus. Okay okay, except for my tooting my own horn blog LOL. But I just mean on a daily basis my mind focuses on the negative and I am working to fix that.
I am super exhausted and do not want to work out, but thanks to Lacey's Just Do It Blog and Heather rocking her exercise EVEN when she has to get up early for work, I have no excuse now do I? So I'm gonna get my tushy off spark and get it up and moving thanks to you girls! :D
Saturday, June 30, 2012
I wasn't even going to bother posting it, but this is for you Lacey...;) In regards to your blog the other day, I just wanted you to know you are not the only one.
So I rely heavily on frozen food when I go to work. I usually bring 2 lean pockets and a bag of frozen veggies. That is put in one bag. My various "refridgerated" stuff in a separate bag. Today the contents of that bag were pretty scarce: Turkey burger patty, string cheese, sugar free jello, and that was it. It wasn't until I was all the way to work I realized I left the frozen bag (aka the majority of my "meals") at home. I just honestly, I was so angry. They had pizza and cheesecake last night at work on my day off, and my friend saved me one piece of cheesecake. That is why my amount of food and snacks was lower, so I could accommodate that cheesecake I really wanted to have.
Normal me would have said eff it, I'm going to eat a ton of the pizza that is in there, and I'll have the cheesecake and who really cares? At least there was pizza in there if I needed it, but I really didn't want it. Then top it off, they go for dinner at a burger place, which is fine, but there is no online site. So no menu, no nutrition etc. I managed to get a chicken pita and seasoned fries... I know the fries were bad for me but there are a ton of them and the plan is to throw out half. I'm glad I got the chicken pita instead of a burger, so I guess A for effort.
But the craziest part is, after all is said and done it still bugs me a little that I can't track it properly. It bugs me that I didn't have the food I meant to bring... but the thing that scares me is this... this sounds so silly to say out loud... but because of my addiction (for lack of a better word) for fast food, I am worried about getting back into a slippery slope. I guess the out of control part of me feels like I had "fast food" today, and that will continue on tomorrow and the next day and the next day, because this is what has happened in the past. It might sound really stupid, but that is my past behavior and that is why it worried me so much.
After I have calmed down I realize that this is something I need to learn to deal with, and to roll with the punches, life happens and I need to learn to adjust. I just have to remind myself that this time is different and doesn't have to wind up like all the times before. The fact that I'm not in the kitchen stuffing myself with pizza at this very moment is a victory in itself. :)
Friday, June 29, 2012
As I said at the beginning of June, I have always envied the people that put up their goals at the beginning of a month, and actually came back at the end of the month to show that they had accomplished something. I have never followed through... until now! My list may not be anything super exciting, but it was my list nonetheless:
Drink 8 glasses of water each day. : This has finally become so easy for me that I don't really have to monitor it, it just happens.
Walk 4 miles per week. :
This one was my greatest work. The first week I went on a trip to Vegas, did 4 miles. Week 2: 8.2 miles. Week 3: 13.74 miles. I should be finishing week 4 with 15.2 miles, maybe a little more. This goal was definitely my biggest accomplishment. :D
Do 60 minutes cardio per week. : This one is kind of wishy washy, it was hit and miss with me trying to do something other than walking, I did a lot of it, but considering I smashed my mileage goal I don't feel too bad about it.
Do 10 minutes of strength training 3x/week : This one is definitely still a work in progress, I'm doing okay but not enough to get the goal met icon. ;)
Track everything I eat no matter how bad. :
Lose 8 pounds by the end of June. (240.5) : 240.4, just squeaked by.
I am feeling confident enough in my lifestyle change that I don't feel the need to write it out for July, it's not cockiness, just a confidence that I know what I need to do and can continue to do it. Walking is definitely "my thing" and I can't wait to keep building up so I can walk farther and farther. :D
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
So I pretty much have no desire to get super dooper personal on here. I mean I will get crazy personal with weight loss related stuff, it's just the "extra" stuff that I only chose to share in small doses. I left the last blog with just saying there was no sparkle with that guy. Well I won't go into the long version, but the guy was a total creeper, true story lol. If I went in depth people would have been telling me to ditch him ASAP. So the good news is he is gone-sies, yay me. ;)
I have been feeling just so great, and I have no idea why. I haven't felt spark-ly in a long time, and I haven't felt like myself. Today on the way to work I was just in such a good mood, singing and dancing in my car. Even got a few weird looks, funny because I look at the people who *aren't* singing and dancing funny. ;) I feel like I have more energy, and I am just feeling good. I love this site and love seeing peoples progress, and I love all my spark friends. You guys rock so much and I am thankful for each and every one of you! :D
I am hoping the scale will join me in feeling spark-ly on Friday and at least let me go down a little, but I know that is just a number and for once I'm not stressing about it, and that is thanks to so many of you and your awesome reminders! :D
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