STEPH-KNEE   76,247
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STEPH-KNEE's Recent Blog Entries

Realization: It won't always be THIS hard...

Sunday, July 08, 2012

So this time around I have accepted that this is for, well, ever. There is no way around it. I will always have to exercise, and I will always have to track or at the very least monitor my food intake and calories. Plain and simple. But doing that in what was once a 272 pound body is not the easiest, especially the physical aspect.

I realized yesterday that even though this is never going to magically be easy, and the food particularly will always be a struggle for me... that I will be able to be doing this in a much smaller body! Even just the difference from recently being down to 240 from 260 I can already feel a little difference. I don't really *see* any difference, but I can feel it when I walk up and down the stairs, and when I exercise and just how I move in general.

My goal weight as of right now is 180. I think I could truly be content, maybe even happy at that weight. I may work on going even lower than that, and I realize just by "doing what I'm doing" and keeping it up I may continue to go lower just be trying to "maintain" that weight... but I just think of how much easier things will be for me when my body isn't quite so big, specifically the exercise. I also think right now sometimes I get the thoughts of "what does it matter if you lost X amount of weight, you are still fat!" But as I get smaller and smaller I will like the body I am in that much more and will want to fight that much harder to keep it.

I used to say that if someone could wave a magic wand and make me skinny, I would do ANYTHING to keep it that way.

But since it doesn't work that way, I am going to fight to get my body to a point where I am happy, and just continue to fight to keep it that way.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEATHERFREE 7/10/2012 12:58PM

    This is exactly what I've been thinking about lately...that this time was it! Its hard and its gonna be hard forever, and the difference is this time I dont care if its hard! we may whine and cry and not wanna do anything for exercise somedays....and make the wrong food choices another day, but we are making changes for the better and are going to keep doing it forever. emoticon

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GRACEMCC45 7/9/2012 5:11PM

    You can totally do this! It does get easier, I promise you!

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KASTASTROPHY 7/8/2012 10:07PM

    I can NOT wait to see a picture of you all hot and doing your THANG as a 180lb pretty princess!!!! You are TOTALLY interrupting my clothes folding so I could tell you that.. but i don't mind lol!!!!!

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IMSOOZEEQ 7/8/2012 2:56PM

    Great blog! You are on the right track my friend. I think that we will enjoy the journey and getting to our "destination" more because we worked at it. We planned it all out. We took the time to set small goal and add rewards along the way. It is a major project so we will be proud of each accomplishment. We will relish in the friends we met and the relationships we built traveling the road together. Hmm I think I might have the beginning of a blog going here. lol

emoticon emoticon

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WEIGHTING4BABY 7/8/2012 1:53PM

    You're right! One day it will just be second nature!:)

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BETHIEBOOPS 7/8/2012 5:20AM

    Awesome! You are so right, it's tough now, but will get easier. It will never be easy, but you will learn your body, learn your temptations, learn exercises you love and it will be easier.

It's like when you start a new job. At first it's scary. Then it's stressful. You feel overwhelmed, and underqualified. Then suddenly, you realise you CAN do it. You CAN do this job competently. Then just as suddenly, you aren't so frightened of the boss. You know your work is good. You know you can kick ass. You are no longer afraid of failing.

I think weight loss will be the same. You will find your lard busting confidence. We will find the best way to love our bodies and lose weight! It won't always be frightening and stressful. Right now it is because we're making new habits, trying to remember things that will eventually be as simple as driving a car.

Hang in there sweetie. We're going to make it! (Plus I LOVE that our start weight and current weights are so similar. I started at 282 and am now at 246) We're SO in this together. And just wait for it- one day, you'll look at yourself and me all "WHOAH! Who is this lady in the mirror?!". It took me 32lbs to reach the point of seeing the changes in myself.

Are you taking measurements? If not you SHOULD be! It is a great way of seeing the results. For instance I have lost 3 inches in my waist (so I started looking there for changes and saw myself as smaller instantly. And my upper arms have lost like 4in and then I noticed how loose my sleeves felt). Sometimes having the numbers available makes it easier for us to see our bodies as they really are.

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KAESEA78 7/8/2012 5:00AM

    I love this lady!!!! Gosh, the realizations are awesome and enlightening yet it is still such a long, hard journey. You go girl 32 pounds is awesome and I am sure you can see a huge difference

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    Love this! Congrats on your weight loss! I hope to be there someday!


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Focusing on what I'm doing right... now that's a change...

Friday, July 06, 2012

So my lost blog wasn't the best, it was about my mini freak out. I had a rough 24 hours, and I didn't make the best choices and there was a huge part of me that wanted to continue in those bad choices (but didn't). Don't ask me why the *third* month is always the kiss of death for me. I have never made it successfully to 4 months of weight loss on any plan. As you might have guessed, July was the start of month 3, followed by that little rough patch.

But today we will focus on the positives:
-After the 24 freak out that had many bad food choices, I immediately got back on track.
-It is the third month and I am aware and I am doing everything in my power to make it to the 4th month.
-I resisted SO MUCH temptation today at work. I worked the opposite shift I normally do which left me tired and cranky, which usually means I am in an "eat whatever I want mood"... today I did not eat one thing at work that I did not bring with me. Today alone, I turned down (and was actually bugged 3 times about eating a burger): Lemon cake, apple pie, brownies, hot dogs, hamburgers, fried chicken, chips, and potato salad. I even had a very successful 4th, I had 1 serving of my baked cheetos, the hamburger patty only, and 1/2 cup of potato salad.

I tend to focus on the negative and my "slip ups" and they seem to always be my number one focus. Okay okay, except for my tooting my own horn blog LOL. But I just mean on a daily basis my mind focuses on the negative and I am working to fix that.

I am super exhausted and do not want to work out, but thanks to Lacey's Just Do It Blog and Heather rocking her exercise EVEN when she has to get up early for work, I have no excuse now do I? So I'm gonna get my tushy off spark and get it up and moving thanks to you girls! :D

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEATHERFREE 7/6/2012 8:46PM

    HECK YES Iam really in awe that you could turn down all those things! Where in the heck do you work with all these people bringing food and going out and stuff, I don't know if I could do it for a week let alone 3 months. You are doing great!

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GRACEMCC45 7/6/2012 6:24PM

    Awesome job! No way I could have resisted all that food! You are doing so great!

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ZELDABEE 7/6/2012 9:29AM

    I loved this! So often we tend to focus on all the things have done wrong or point out things we could have done better instead of enjoying the victories and accomplishments that we have achived. I think your doing amazing, turning down all the food is HUGE! Your going to blast though your forth month and I'll be here every step of the way cheering you on!

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NIXXI321 7/6/2012 8:23AM

    You know, the last few days for me haven't been the greatest weight wise either but I'm ready to get back on that horse too. So often we try to go from 0 to Perfect overnight. From the habits that got us fat to more food conscious than professional athletes. It's SO MUCH pressure to put on ourselves. Yes, we need a kick in the butt. Yes, we need better habits. But tearing ourselves down for slipping up or having a bad day (or bad couple of days) isn't going to help anything. Something I learned from the Biggest Loser is that stress ALWAYS effects our weight loss. When they are on the ranch all they have to do is focus on their diet and exercise. And they will pull huge numbers until they go home. They could do the same workout, eat the same food, but because they have to go home to real life and all it's stress, they are lucky to drop even one pound.

You have been doing great. Even if you had a bad day, you are teaching yourself good habits that you will carry for the rest of you life. You focus on that and the weight should fall off as a byproduct. emoticon

Now do me a favor and remind me of all this when I inevitably freak out someday myself. :D

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My Mini Freakout

Saturday, June 30, 2012

I wasn't even going to bother posting it, but this is for you Lacey...;) In regards to your blog the other day, I just wanted you to know you are not the only one.

So I rely heavily on frozen food when I go to work. I usually bring 2 lean pockets and a bag of frozen veggies. That is put in one bag. My various "refridgerated" stuff in a separate bag. Today the contents of that bag were pretty scarce: Turkey burger patty, string cheese, sugar free jello, and that was it. It wasn't until I was all the way to work I realized I left the frozen bag (aka the majority of my "meals") at home. I just honestly, I was so angry. They had pizza and cheesecake last night at work on my day off, and my friend saved me one piece of cheesecake. That is why my amount of food and snacks was lower, so I could accommodate that cheesecake I really wanted to have.

Normal me would have said eff it, I'm going to eat a ton of the pizza that is in there, and I'll have the cheesecake and who really cares? At least there was pizza in there if I needed it, but I really didn't want it. Then top it off, they go for dinner at a burger place, which is fine, but there is no online site. So no menu, no nutrition etc. I managed to get a chicken pita and seasoned fries... I know the fries were bad for me but there are a ton of them and the plan is to throw out half. I'm glad I got the chicken pita instead of a burger, so I guess A for effort.

But the craziest part is, after all is said and done it still bugs me a little that I can't track it properly. It bugs me that I didn't have the food I meant to bring... but the thing that scares me is this... this sounds so silly to say out loud... but because of my addiction (for lack of a better word) for fast food, I am worried about getting back into a slippery slope. I guess the out of control part of me feels like I had "fast food" today, and that will continue on tomorrow and the next day and the next day, because this is what has happened in the past. It might sound really stupid, but that is my past behavior and that is why it worried me so much.

After I have calmed down I realize that this is something I need to learn to deal with, and to roll with the punches, life happens and I need to learn to adjust. I just have to remind myself that this time is different and doesn't have to wind up like all the times before. The fact that I'm not in the kitchen stuffing myself with pizza at this very moment is a victory in itself. :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CORTNEY-LEE 7/6/2012 4:38AM

    do you have a freezer at work where you can keep things?

I always have a frozen dinner on hand at the office incase I forget my lunch

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TEMPESTKITTEN 7/6/2012 12:04AM

  I look at the guilt that comes with enjoying something the world deems "naughty" in the same way you handle an obnoxious bully. If you ignore the nagging then eventually it stops.

When I start to feel down about a bad day I list my accomplishments. Seems to help. Better luck this month!

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GRACEMCC45 7/4/2012 10:57AM

    I totally know where you are coming from. I have had a *horrible* food week... 5+ days of bad choices... sometimes it just gets really disheartening until you get your ass in gear!! Great job with your choices!!

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ZELDABEE 7/1/2012 10:32AM

    I appreicate that you posted this! it does really help to write things down and get them off your chest. I understand where your coming from, when we eat out or go to david's mom for supper I always stress that I have to guesstimate my calories but I read something that helps, it's not about perfection - it's about progress. Your making some awesome progress, you ate out but you make a healthy choice - you COULD have had pizza but you didnt! You COULD have had a burger but you decided not to! A bad meal is not going to make you gain 5 pounds (something I have to continue to remind myself), a bad day can not spend us back to our old habits if we don't let it but i know you already know that!

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June Goals - Results (Beware: Lots of own-horn-tooting ahead)

Friday, June 29, 2012

As I said at the beginning of June, I have always envied the people that put up their goals at the beginning of a month, and actually came back at the end of the month to show that they had accomplished something. I have never followed through... until now! My list may not be anything super exciting, but it was my list nonetheless:
emoticon Drink 8 glasses of water each day. emoticon: emoticon This has finally become so easy for me that I don't really have to monitor it, it just happens.

emoticon Walk 4 miles per week. emoticon: emoticon
This one was my greatest work. The first week I went on a trip to Vegas, did 4 miles. Week 2: 8.2 miles. Week 3: 13.74 miles. I should be finishing week 4 with 15.2 miles, maybe a little more. This goal was definitely my biggest accomplishment. :D

emoticon Do 60 minutes cardio per week. emoticon: This one is kind of wishy washy, it was hit and miss with me trying to do something other than walking, I did a lot of it, but considering I smashed my mileage goal I don't feel too bad about it.

emoticon Do 10 minutes of strength training 3x/week emoticon: This one is definitely still a work in progress, I'm doing okay but not enough to get the goal met icon. ;)

emoticon Track everything I eat no matter how bad. emoticon: emoticon

emoticonLose 8 pounds by the end of June. (240.5) emoticon: emoticon 240.4, just squeaked by.

I am feeling confident enough in my lifestyle change that I don't feel the need to write it out for July, it's not cockiness, just a confidence that I know what I need to do and can continue to do it. Walking is definitely "my thing" and I can't wait to keep building up so I can walk farther and farther. :D

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WEIGHTING4BABY 7/8/2012 1:54PM

    What if one day you become one of those bad ass runners??? ;-) That is like a major dream of mine!

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HEATHERFREE 7/6/2012 8:23PM

    ahhh Im SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU! Im not doin great with my goals, I will go three days do great and then, I skip a day or more. But seeing that goal met icon makes me want to stick with mine super strict so I can post a blog like that.

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KAESEA78 7/3/2012 5:08AM

    This is super awesome! I am proud of you woman! I say toot your own horn, and LOUDLY at that!!!!

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CHICAT63 7/1/2012 6:44AM

    Woohoo, you did great !!!! emoticon

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GRACEMCC45 6/30/2012 5:43PM

    Awesome job!!

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LIBELULITA 6/30/2012 10:35AM

    Excellent.....well done!! emoticon emoticon

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    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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STOPPLAYING2011 6/30/2012 1:48AM

    I like this blog the way you show your goals with pics are really nice emoticon

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JSR325 6/29/2012 9:42PM

    Awesome Job. I'm sure you'll do just as great in July!

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TRACY31502 6/29/2012 9:08PM

    Great job knocking out those goals girl!!!

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Creeper-Free and Feeling Spark-ly! :D

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

So I pretty much have no desire to get super dooper personal on here. I mean I will get crazy personal with weight loss related stuff, it's just the "extra" stuff that I only chose to share in small doses. I left the last blog with just saying there was no sparkle with that guy. Well I won't go into the long version, but the guy was a total creeper, true story lol. If I went in depth people would have been telling me to ditch him ASAP. So the good news is he is gone-sies, yay me. ;)

I have been feeling just so great, and I have no idea why. I haven't felt spark-ly in a long time, and I haven't felt like myself. Today on the way to work I was just in such a good mood, singing and dancing in my car. Even got a few weird looks, funny because I look at the people who *aren't* singing and dancing funny. ;) I feel like I have more energy, and I am just feeling good. I love this site and love seeing peoples progress, and I love all my spark friends. You guys rock so much and I am thankful for each and every one of you! :D

I am hoping the scale will join me in feeling spark-ly on Friday and at least let me go down a little, but I know that is just a number and for once I'm not stressing about it, and that is thanks to so many of you and your awesome reminders! :D

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETHIEBOOPS 7/3/2012 7:23AM

    You are adorable! Love this!

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THESHELBSTER 6/29/2012 9:15PM

    Awww. This made me smile. We love you too honey bunches of oats!

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TEMPESTKITTEN 6/29/2012 12:36PM

  Aw nuts I love creeper stories.. It is excellent you feel sparkly! emoticon

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TAMMIEANN76 6/27/2012 12:45PM

    Way to go, sweetie. Sounds like you've made some good decisions!

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MOM2FAB4 6/27/2012 11:32AM

    You are so awesome!!! I'm glad you're done with the creeper, too! Don't settle for anything but the best in everything, because YOU ARE WORTH IT! xox

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GOOSIEMOON 6/27/2012 9:52AM

    Maybe you could pretend to feel spark-ly until you actually do?
Fake it 'til you make it?

Keep up the good work and have a great day!

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GRACEMCC45 6/27/2012 7:23AM

    All around awesome!!! Keep up the great work!


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JURORI 6/27/2012 7:01AM

    Happy to hear the creeper in question is gone! Also glad to hear about you feeling so good. When I had a car in the States I used to bust out singing constantly with all my favorite tunes; it put me in a good mood for work, school, you name it, so I'm glad I'm not the only one who does that!

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EOWYN2424 6/27/2012 6:39AM

    Atm, I'm just feeling so hungry..........

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SHERMOR13 6/27/2012 6:35AM

    SO glad your feeling "spark- ly"!!! love it! Good luck on your journey AND may the scale join you in sparkling this Friday!QQ

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BIGDOG18 6/27/2012 6:28AM


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