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I don't want to jump the gun but...

Saturday, June 16, 2012

I really think I've seen the light. The only problem is I am pretty sure I've said this before. I want to say that this time feels different, but I'm pretty sure I've said it before. So I guess in a way it's hard to tell. But I do know time will tell, and for the first time I feel like I have this under control.

Here's just some of the reasons I am feeling like this time is different:

*Tons of awesome Spark Friends, when I was on the site years ago I wasn't really super active in talking with people, and this time I feel like I have so much support from everyone, it's just amazing! Not to mention I love supporting others. You guys seriously rock!

*I actually WANT to exercise. Who? Me? The Queen of lazy, how is this possible? But I'm really digging the walking especially

*I don't feel like I'm "on a diet". We all know this is necessary in being successful not only losing, but keeping it off. We all know this has to be a life style change and something we have to do forever. That idea was so overwhelming to me before, but now it's kind of like, what's the big deal? Track my food, do some exercise, why is that so hard? Okay, I know this whole journey is not easy and I struggle with it just as any one does, BUT the basic necessities of tracking and exercise aren't hard concepts and I need to remember that.

*This is the first time I don't feel like giving up. No matter how gung-ho I get about it, I always say to myself "it's just a matter of time before you quit"... "who are you fooling, you'll never do this"... it wasn't until the other day when I was talking to my brother I realized I've been doing this since the beginning of May, and I normally give up after a month. I have no feelings of giving up, I don't let slip ups define me anymore... I used to have 1 bad day and throw in the towel, not anymore.

I really hope I can look back at this at a year and say "You know what, you were right. This time was different and you are really doing this!" as opposed to looking back even heavier going "nope, you were wrong." So let's prove me (and everyone else around me that "knows" I can't do this) wrong for once. ;)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STARSUB99 6/17/2012 10:49AM

    Good for you! If it feels different this time -. then it is different this time. We learn from every time we make the effort. I'm so happy for you - I'm in the same groove right now. I'm enjoying the exercising and I"m getting the hang of how much food is reasonable to eat daily. The more we do things right and get the results we want - the more we'll want to do it right.
Enjoy each small success - enjoy the feeling of being in control. Remember it - savour it! You ROCK!!!!!!!!!!

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HEATHERFREE 6/16/2012 10:20PM

    Awesome! This time IS different! Alot of ppl are making the change for good this time! We are gonna mess up, we are gonna have bad days, were gonna lose weight, gain weight, stay the same weight for what we think is too long....but thats all ok because we aren't gonna stop!

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LIBELULITA 6/16/2012 4:45PM

    This is probably the last time you will ever "diet" in your life. Your blog reads almost the same as one of mine.....100 or so pounds ago when I'd lost about 20 pounds. I don't know why sometimes something clicks and makes this time different to previous attempts and I hope this is your time too emoticon emoticon

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DEBSGETTINFIT 6/16/2012 1:46PM

    Wow awesome blog. You put in writing what I was thinking. Sparkpeople are awesome. I could not do any of this with out all of your encouragement.

We will all look back at this year and see just how awesome we have been.

Great job and keep up the good work and thanks for this blog!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ZELDABEE 6/16/2012 10:30AM

    It's like your reading my mind! LOL Ive had a conversation with myself (swear i'm not crazy) about what makes this time different from all the other times I said I was DONE and it was different. But I agree with all your reasons and I especially think the first one is important! The first time I was on spark I didn't really interact with anyone so there was nothing to tether me to Spark but now that Ive made some awesome friend, you included, I feel more connected. Also diet is such a four letter word lol I'm removing it from my vocabulary! Keep up the awesome work.

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DEBADEAU 6/16/2012 10:14AM

    I'm not on a diet either ;) People don't seem to get that. LIFESTYLE CHANGE. That's the only thing that makes it happen. I actually threw my scale out. I'll weigh at the health clinic at work once a month or so and leave it at that.

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MOM2FAB4 6/16/2012 7:21AM

    YOU SO OWN THIS!!! emoticon

I totally know what you mean about it feeling different this time around - I feel the same way! We can do this! We ARE doing it!!!


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"Willing to do anything to lose weight..."

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

It occurred to me on my walk last night, I have always said "I'd be willing to do ANYTHING to lose weight..." So why is it that when someone tells me having a proper diet and exercising will help me get to my goals, I just sit there and go "yeah whatever, I don't want to do that." But yet I've spent countless time and money on things that simply don't work, or work in the short term, only to gain it back.

Let's make a quick list of things I've tried:
Some really expensive pill I still have in my cabinet that I spent 100 bucks on...
Slim Fast
Nutrisystem (two separate attempts, first attempt lost 40 lbs just to gain it back)
Weight Watchers
Jenny Craig (400 bucks start up fee for that one, OUCH)
No/Low Sodium
Cabbage Soup Diet

That is just a short rundown of things off the top of my head. The only significant success I had was 40 pounds on nutrisytem, but I don't count it as success because I gained it back. Atkins way back in the day lost a bit, but not enough to write home about. No pill has ever done anything for me, what a shocker huh? LOL. Everyone would be skinny if they worked. Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers I didn't give a fair shake. I do want to say I know people who have adopted Weight Watchers as a lifestyle, and to me it's similar to counting calories, and is legit, but that one just wasn't for me.

I have tons of diet books, 4 day diet, south beach diet, on and on and on.

I just think it's funny, that I've always said I'd be willing to do ANYTHING to lose weight, I've spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars to do it, yet the ONE thing that is beyond proven to lose the weight, I've refused to do (at least consistently) for my entire life. Crazy huh?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHAWFAN 6/15/2012 9:47PM

    I think it's fair to say that a lot of us have been in your position and have come through the other side having lost the weight. It takes effort to lose it, that's true. Once you get into the habit of eating better and exercising more you'll find that it can be done. Good luck. emoticon

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FLACA_CHIQUITA 6/15/2012 9:44PM

    I refuse to eat things that are horrible and don't taste good! Start off with --she converts it to WWpoints or to calories for people like me. It's all the foods we love, just as yummy, beyond easy to cook (I promise, I can't cook but can cook her stuff) and it's all within a low calorie range!! I even make mozz sticks for about 60cals a stick (instead of 700!!!!)

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RUNNING-LIFE 6/15/2012 4:02PM

    advertising will do that to us! But just remember...Spark will get us there! GO SPARKERS!!

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    Not crazy, but definitely TRUE! All of us swore we would do ANYTHING it took to lose weight, but were not willing to make the changes and choices we needed to make to get it done. Spark will get us there. Spark will keep us here. I sound like a Spark cheerleader, don't I?


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ALLISONAZ 6/14/2012 5:31AM

    I love what you have written in this blog! When you have those "a-ha!" moments, you know that finally this weight loss thing is going to stick. have been there thinking there was some shortcut, but there really isn't! Thanks for the reminder, I needed the motivation!

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KAESEA78 6/14/2012 5:22AM

    Apparently their advertising is effective, lol, unfortunately!

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LIBELULITA 6/13/2012 2:59PM

    That's why this time I started out saying that I wasn't going to do anyhting this time that I'm not prepared to do for the rest of my life. That's why now, 115 pounds later, I can't come off my diet....because I was never on one this time. I LOVE the way I eat now....this is forever emoticon

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ZELDABEE 6/13/2012 7:50AM

    I know what you mean! But for me the only way to lose weight I'm discovering to to learn about my body, what it needs, when it's actutally hunry or when I'm just bored/stressed and adapt a healthy active lifestyle that works for me! AND, the only way I can do that is to put in the time and effort into changing my bad habits and learning from my mistakes. Love your blog, it reminded me why all that stuff I tried didnt work. We are on the right track now, it may not get us there as quickly as we would like but we will get there together!

Keep up the awesome work and keep blogging. :)


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CLHENDY1 6/13/2012 7:39AM

    I've done the same thing. My mom is always telling me about crazy diets and pills and programs and she convinces me to do them even though I know what it takes to lose weight. No need to really say - they didn't work. Atleast not for long. The real solution is exactly what you said - healthy nutrition & exercise.

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ELLEJAY7 6/13/2012 7:34AM

    I have done the exact same thing! Only add all the expensive exercise equipment and countless videos I've bought as well. And as I read over your list, I caught myself thinking "Trimspa" - I haven't tried that yet. Then I was able to wake up and understand what you are blogging about. It's definitely a mind thing. emoticon

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AMCLELLAN 6/13/2012 7:09AM

    I was the same way... always willing to do anything. Took pills, practically starved myself. It wasn't until I started using sparkpeople all the time that I really made any progress. I have been tracking things for so long now that it is habit, meaning I'll stick with it. I couldn't track my food for a few days last week because a) lost internet, b) had my wedding. It bothered me that I could not track everything since then how will I know how many calories I ate?
Baby steps, do one thing at a time until it becomes habit. Don't diet, change your way of living. You can do this.

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SHY_BUNNY 6/13/2012 5:25AM

    Yes. Crazy. However, you can get off the ride.
I've taken pills & done crash diets. They are not sustainable. You have to change your habits & your thinking. It is difficult to change, but not impossible. I think you might benefit by educating yourself about portion sizes. Keep your plan simple, build a foundation, & go from there!

You can change, one choice at a time.

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For The Love Of PROTEIN!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

When I first started this (you know, for the 50th time or so;)) in the beginning of May, I was not going to be getting all crazy and making these radical changes. In the past I was "go extreme or go home", it had to be something super strict, or a program or something. I was determined not to let that get the best of me, so when I started it was JUST counting calories. Stay in your calorie range and don't worry about anything else.

Then I added in the walking, then the beginning of this month it was crazy... I actually like walking. WTF? Me?! Amazing. I like to track how far I go, how long it takes me, and I've added some fun Wii fitness games to my routine as well.

This is the part where you won't be amused with me, I eat a lot of prepackaged foods. I am the queen of Lean Pockets and Lean Cuisines, and don't intend to give them up altogether, but I have been relying on them far too much. I am very fickle about preparing food for the week, sometimes I can do it, sometimes I can't. But I just haven't bothered, especially after coming back from Vegas.

The last 2 days I have been in calorie range just fine but feeling so hungry. When I looked I realized I am not even hitting my minimum protein. That is when the light bulb went off, "This is why you are so hungry doofus, you aren't getting your protein!" Today I brought some sliced turkey breast, and string cheese and I am already feeling so much better and fuller. My first day off is Wednesday, and after I deal with my stupid cracked windshield I got on the way to work I will be heading to the store.

It's crazy to think, I actually WANT to eat more veggies, I want to eat more protein, I want to start eating salad again. Salad helps fill me up so much and I do actually like it... I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to getting in some more healthy stuff. I still love me some lean pockets every now and again, but veggies and other things need to move to center stage. I'm just now starting to think this really might stick this time. By now I have typically thrown in the towel... so we shall see ha ha. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZELDABEE 6/13/2012 7:41AM

    I have pre packaged meals too, I try and stay away but they work when I don't have a lot of time! I don't know if you can get them but I have these healthy choice steamers that don't gave any preservatives, so if you see them you should give them a try. I need more protien too, I'm going to look into shakes for breakfast or maybe snacks. Awesome job staying on your calories and with you walking! Woo-hoo!

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EMILYDOODLE 6/12/2012 3:24PM

  you are doing great job, keep up the good work.

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2BE-MY-BEST 6/12/2012 1:31AM


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KAESEA78 6/12/2012 1:14AM

    You are doing awesome. I am the same way. I eat the foods that I am making already. I tried to add a fresh fruit to dinner every night and choose fresh fruits and veggies when available. I also love salads. I find that the hardest part for me is cutting up all the stuff and keeping it fresh. I think if i had some one to cut up all the salad stuff for me I would live off of salads!!!I like Lean pockets too but actually haven't had one in a really long time-well before SP even.
I am happy that both of seem to be going through a mindset change and I feel like that may be the key for both of us to achieve ours goals this time!!!

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Ups and Downs of June (Already) & Walking 2 Consecutive Miles...

Sunday, June 10, 2012

So it's only 10 days into June and I've already had the ups and downs. Let's start with the downs. I got off work at 5am on Tuesday, went home to sleep and then left to go to Vegas to visit my Grandma at about 7pm. I actually didn't do bad with my eating on this day... got to Grandma's around 11, ate and we stayed up til 5am chatting and all of that. Wednesday was Buffet day. She had two free coupons to the Buffet, and we had been planning this for weeks. So we go to lunch, and I actually did well considering. What I love about the buffet is when you don't like something, there is no pressure to eat it. There is no "I paid 10 bucks for this, I kind of have to eat it." The macaroni and cheese was awful, I mainly stuck with kielbasa sausage, mashed potatoes as my main "food". The green beans were cold and disgusting, the pizza was good but I found myself getting full and just ate the the essence of the pizza (the cheese and the 2 pepperonis on the slice;)). I was so excited they had cookies for dessert, but what a bust. They were solid as a rock. I took one bite of a dried out brownie, bleh. Had one delicious piece of carrot cake and called it a day.

I had already given myself the freedom not to track Wednesday. That was going to be fun pig out day and I was not to be bothered with it. My goals for June include tracking all food no matter how bad, so this was the only day I was allowing myself.

The worst part of Wednesday was not the buffet but the macaroni and cheese we had for dinner. Ay yi yi. I ate my dinner and had seconds, but since I am on a "night shift" schedule I was up all night anyways. At 5am I was hungry again and ate the left over mac and cheese. To think I ate an entire box in the matter of 8 or so hours really bummed me out.

Thursday was the day Grandma and I would be coming back to California. I went to visit her but also to bring her back so she could visit with the family and celebrate my brother's birthday. I picked Carl's Jr for lunch and decided I'd eat what I wanted and not stress. They have this grilled cheese cheeseburger thing that is to die for. I had it months ago when they had it and now it's back. I had that and we split some fries. I later found out that my cheeseburger alone was 910 calories, I was not pleased. Needless to say that will be my last one for, well, EVER actually ha ha.

We stopped in Barstow which was the "half way point" and had Del Taco. I had two chicken soft tacos and called it a day. When I got home I was hungry (way late like 3am but my bedtime is 6-7am), and I had something small. But the depressing part was finding out I wasted 910 big ones on just that cheeseburger.

So that brings us to Friday, time to take bro out to dinner. Let me tell you I searched Marie Callenders site for 30 minutes trying to pick something. When you tell me I can have a salad for 910 calories or a cheeseburger and fries for 1000, I'm taking that. I finally gave up and had a chicken sandwich and fries, we also got a free slice of pie because of his birthday from a coupon we had.

Don't ask me how I went from 0 to 60, from looking on the site, to saying screw it, I don't care. The only decent thing I did was take most of the bread off my sandwich. So we are already looking at 1000 calories or so, and taking the 670 calorie piece of pie home.

I don't know what happened when I got home later in the evening but I was starving. I wound up eating 6 chicken nuggets, then making a loaf of the frozen garlic bread just because I wanted a "piece". I ended up eating almost the entire loaf, and 6 more chicken nuggets. Then later offed the piece of pie.

Since my goal was to track everything no matter how bad, with my exception of allowing Wednesday off, I tracked the damage from Friday, about 3000 calories. Ay yi yi. It's not even the calories that bother me as much as the fact that I felt so out of control with the garlic bread and just the eating in general. Like I couldn't stop.

Now onto the small "up" after all of those "downs"... my goal for June was to walk 4 miles a week, well I had only done 1 up until this point because I was out of town. I managed to do my 2 mile Leslie Sansone DVD yesterday and live to tell about it, I haven't been able to do that in over a year. I walked my mile at work tonight so I successfully did my 4 miles for the week even from being out of town. The other up is I am back on track and totally in my ranges for today. So good to feel in control again.

I think it was just a huge reminder that no matter how much you think you have everything under control, it is definitely going to always be some what of a "struggle" for me to lose the weight and KEEP it off. But I'm ready to keep on trying. :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEMCC45 6/10/2012 7:13PM

    Days like this happen! My weekend was slightly like this. I would encourage you to always track - even on days you know are going to be unhealthy or are planned treat days. Seeing the numbers will really help you to get right back on track the next day instead of it turning into a 2-3 day issue. Also, make yourself some rules about your cheat days - like you have to exercise before bad foods, eat a healthy breakfast, and have healthy snacks. Or choose only 1-2 treat snacks or meals in the day. You will find what will work best for you.

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LIBELULITA 6/10/2012 2:41PM

    It's all the salt and flour and sudar in those foods that made you feel starving.They are addictive and cause cravings. I have given them up for 9 months now and no longer binge, have pig outs or cravings.....except for the one day in March when I let myself eat what I wanted and the cravings afterwards and HUNGER lasted for 3 or 4 days. It's not worth it. I would have chosen the salad over the cheeseburger to avoid what happens afterwards....but me 9 months ago wouldn't have. Me 9 months ago would've eaten 2 or 3 garlic butter baguettes followed my a tonne of chocolate. I never want to be out of control like that again so just like a heroin addict I've given it all up...the results are worth it. emoticon

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ZELDABEE 6/10/2012 9:31AM

    We all have those weeks, don't be too hard on yourself :) so proud of you for walking four miles in a week! woo-hoo! I'm also proud that even though you were over the calories you still tracked! Im not sure this will help but it works for me, sometimes I find myself mindless looking in the fridge looking for something to eat between meals so what I did was I decided on my snacks in advance, something between 100-150 calories to try me over and I drink a big glass of water. I find it helps to have a plan, I don't do a week in advance just usually a day or two just so I know what Im eating and when I'm going to be eating it. Hope that helps and keep up that awesome attitude, I know you can do it!!

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I Would Like To Thank The Nasty Beyotch At Work...

Saturday, June 02, 2012

For her comments the other day, I have been doing what I need to do to a T ever since I heard about it the other day. I know a couple of you saw my little "status update" about it. The thing is, my friend didn't elaborate on what was said, and I didn't ask... but basically what happens is they were passing the "chow list" around at work when I was off. One person goes on a chow run for the shift and goes to pick up dinner for everyone else. So they pass it around and whoever wants their food signs up. Well at my work, there aren't assigned computers. It's basically first come first serve. Some people move around a lot and others (like myself) always sit in the same spot. There are also dividers that divide up the "pods" with either 2 or 3 computers in each.

So the one lady who had the list, all she could see over the wall to the cubicle was hair and it was the spot that I always sit. So she assumed it was me. So she said "Stephanie, do you need the list?" and the girl who was sitting there was apparently very loud and repeated "Oh hell no" at least twice. My friend didn't go into great detail, but it was basically her being greatly disgusted at the thought of someone calling her me.

Now, had this been a super fit skinny chick, I can totally see them being like "WTF". But this girl is not much smaller than me. She may weigh 30 pounds less. I am not knocking her weight at all, but more importantly, this woman only saw some hair and because it was my normal spot she assumed it was me. But for this girl to be so vocal about it and so loud was not cool. Knowing the other a-holes that I work with, I'm sure they all probably had a great laugh at my expense.

It's crazy, because I was teased in school all the way through high school for my weight. I figured now that I am 26 and a full fledged adult, I wouldn't have to deal with that nonsense anymore. But I've learned that these people at work, even the 40 year old women with children are more catty than teenagers. The only difference is the teasing is done behind your back instead of to your face.

Regardless, I'd like to thank her for making me want to get to my goal and make sure I maintain and do what I need to do. I put no value into what she said, because I know one thing, my insides are definitely more beautiful than her nasty insides that are full of hate. (This is not the only example I have of her nastiness). But with this blog I am letting her comment go, I will not internalize something like that. I can still remember every comment that was every made to me about my weight, and I am letting those go as well.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEDEVIL6464 6/12/2012 10:20AM

    Don't spend time thinking/worrying/complaining about people like this. You are not the Idiot Whisperer. =)

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BOBCATGIRL76 6/4/2012 12:20PM

    Good for you. Turn that negativity into positivity in your own life. I hate catty women as well and am much happier when I can work on my own than in an office setting. I hope whoever made the comment thinks twice next time.

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ZELDABEE 6/3/2012 11:05PM

    you are so 100 times more awesome then she is! I know exactly how you feel and I think it's great that you not going to be let her comments bring you down because you totally shouldn't! You just continue being awesome and let her continue being nasty (I have a firm belief that being nasty make you age faster..just saying :p)

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DEBADEAU 6/2/2012 2:34PM

    I wish people acted like adults. Sometimes I feel like I am in high school. I have a zero tolerance policy for it tho, I usually give someone a second chance to redeem themselves, but if they fail again I keep my distance. I like to call them energy vampires. They suck the positive energy out of people and turn them negative. That's a sad life to live that I want NO part of! Good for you that it is giving you the motivation to say "now you wanna be me betch?"

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GRACEMCC45 6/2/2012 10:02AM

    Join a boxing club or kickboxing class. Pretend it's her face in front of you. Or lift really heavy things repeatedly. Exercise really is the best stress relief!

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JURORI 6/2/2012 8:07AM

    Use whatever anger or frustration she gives you as fuel to push you one step further each time it happens, until you're running laps around her. I know it's tough to handle that stuff; if you feel confident enough about it, call her out on some of the nasty stuff, or encourage others to do so. You don't need to take that kind of behavior.

Keep working on yourself, don't worry about this nasty person!

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AMCLELLAN 6/2/2012 7:53AM

    Good Job... don't ever let one stupid person bring you down. You are doing great and you will reach your goals and maintain. Apparently no matter how old we get there will always be those people just out to cause drama. emoticon

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