Saturday, June 16, 2012
I really think I've seen the light. The only problem is I am pretty sure I've said this before. I want to say that this time feels different, but I'm pretty sure I've said it before. So I guess in a way it's hard to tell. But I do know time will tell, and for the first time I feel like I have this under control.
Here's just some of the reasons I am feeling like this time is different:
*Tons of awesome Spark Friends, when I was on the site years ago I wasn't really super active in talking with people, and this time I feel like I have so much support from everyone, it's just amazing! Not to mention I love supporting others. You guys seriously rock!
*I actually WANT to exercise. Who? Me? The Queen of lazy, how is this possible? But I'm really digging the walking especially
*I don't feel like I'm "on a diet". We all know this is necessary in being successful not only losing, but keeping it off. We all know this has to be a life style change and something we have to do forever. That idea was so overwhelming to me before, but now it's kind of like, what's the big deal? Track my food, do some exercise, why is that so hard? Okay, I know this whole journey is not easy and I struggle with it just as any one does, BUT the basic necessities of tracking and exercise aren't hard concepts and I need to remember that.
*This is the first time I don't feel like giving up. No matter how gung-ho I get about it, I always say to myself "it's just a matter of time before you quit"... "who are you fooling, you'll never do this"... it wasn't until the other day when I was talking to my brother I realized I've been doing this since the beginning of May, and I normally give up after a month. I have no feelings of giving up, I don't let slip ups define me anymore... I used to have 1 bad day and throw in the towel, not anymore.
I really hope I can look back at this at a year and say "You know what, you were right. This time was different and you are really doing this!" as opposed to looking back even heavier going "nope, you were wrong." So let's prove me (and everyone else around me that "knows" I can't do this) wrong for once. ;)
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
It occurred to me on my walk last night, I have always said "I'd be willing to do ANYTHING to lose weight..." So why is it that when someone tells me having a proper diet and exercising will help me get to my goals, I just sit there and go "yeah whatever, I don't want to do that." But yet I've spent countless time and money on things that simply don't work, or work in the short term, only to gain it back.
Let's make a quick list of things I've tried:
Some really expensive pill I still have in my cabinet that I spent 100 bucks on...
Nutrisystem (two separate attempts, first attempt lost 40 lbs just to gain it back)
Jenny Craig (400 bucks start up fee for that one, OUCH)
Cabbage Soup Diet
That is just a short rundown of things off the top of my head. The only significant success I had was 40 pounds on nutrisytem, but I don't count it as success because I gained it back. Atkins way back in the day lost a bit, but not enough to write home about. No pill has ever done anything for me, what a shocker huh? LOL. Everyone would be skinny if they worked. Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers I didn't give a fair shake. I do want to say I know people who have adopted Weight Watchers as a lifestyle, and to me it's similar to counting calories, and is legit, but that one just wasn't for me.
I have tons of diet books, 4 day diet, south beach diet, on and on and on.
I just think it's funny, that I've always said I'd be willing to do ANYTHING to lose weight, I've spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars to do it, yet the ONE thing that is beyond proven to lose the weight, I've refused to do (at least consistently) for my entire life. Crazy huh?
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
When I first started this (you know, for the 50th time or so;)) in the beginning of May, I was not going to be getting all crazy and making these radical changes. In the past I was "go extreme or go home", it had to be something super strict, or a program or something. I was determined not to let that get the best of me, so when I started it was JUST counting calories. Stay in your calorie range and don't worry about anything else.
Then I added in the walking, then the beginning of this month it was crazy... I actually like walking. WTF? Me?! Amazing. I like to track how far I go, how long it takes me, and I've added some fun Wii fitness games to my routine as well.
This is the part where you won't be amused with me, I eat a lot of prepackaged foods. I am the queen of Lean Pockets and Lean Cuisines, and don't intend to give them up altogether, but I have been relying on them far too much. I am very fickle about preparing food for the week, sometimes I can do it, sometimes I can't. But I just haven't bothered, especially after coming back from Vegas.
The last 2 days I have been in calorie range just fine but feeling so hungry. When I looked I realized I am not even hitting my minimum protein. That is when the light bulb went off, "This is why you are so hungry doofus, you aren't getting your protein!" Today I brought some sliced turkey breast, and string cheese and I am already feeling so much better and fuller. My first day off is Wednesday, and after I deal with my stupid cracked windshield I got on the way to work I will be heading to the store.
It's crazy to think, I actually WANT to eat more veggies, I want to eat more protein, I want to start eating salad again. Salad helps fill me up so much and I do actually like it... I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to getting in some more healthy stuff. I still love me some lean pockets every now and again, but veggies and other things need to move to center stage. I'm just now starting to think this really might stick this time. By now I have typically thrown in the towel... so we shall see ha ha.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
So it's only 10 days into June and I've already had the ups and downs. Let's start with the downs. I got off work at 5am on Tuesday, went home to sleep and then left to go to Vegas to visit my Grandma at about 7pm. I actually didn't do bad with my eating on this day... got to Grandma's around 11, ate and we stayed up til 5am chatting and all of that. Wednesday was Buffet day. She had two free coupons to the Buffet, and we had been planning this for weeks. So we go to lunch, and I actually did well considering. What I love about the buffet is when you don't like something, there is no pressure to eat it. There is no "I paid 10 bucks for this, I kind of have to eat it." The macaroni and cheese was awful, I mainly stuck with kielbasa sausage, mashed potatoes as my main "food". The green beans were cold and disgusting, the pizza was good but I found myself getting full and just ate the the essence of the pizza (the cheese and the 2 pepperonis on the slice;)). I was so excited they had cookies for dessert, but what a bust. They were solid as a rock. I took one bite of a dried out brownie, bleh. Had one delicious piece of carrot cake and called it a day.
I had already given myself the freedom not to track Wednesday. That was going to be fun pig out day and I was not to be bothered with it. My goals for June include tracking all food no matter how bad, so this was the only day I was allowing myself.
The worst part of Wednesday was not the buffet but the macaroni and cheese we had for dinner. Ay yi yi. I ate my dinner and had seconds, but since I am on a "night shift" schedule I was up all night anyways. At 5am I was hungry again and ate the left over mac and cheese. To think I ate an entire box in the matter of 8 or so hours really bummed me out.
Thursday was the day Grandma and I would be coming back to California. I went to visit her but also to bring her back so she could visit with the family and celebrate my brother's birthday. I picked Carl's Jr for lunch and decided I'd eat what I wanted and not stress. They have this grilled cheese cheeseburger thing that is to die for. I had it months ago when they had it and now it's back. I had that and we split some fries. I later found out that my cheeseburger alone was 910 calories, I was not pleased. Needless to say that will be my last one for, well, EVER actually ha ha.
We stopped in Barstow which was the "half way point" and had Del Taco. I had two chicken soft tacos and called it a day. When I got home I was hungry (way late like 3am but my bedtime is 6-7am), and I had something small. But the depressing part was finding out I wasted 910 big ones on just that cheeseburger.
So that brings us to Friday, time to take bro out to dinner. Let me tell you I searched Marie Callenders site for 30 minutes trying to pick something. When you tell me I can have a salad for 910 calories or a cheeseburger and fries for 1000, I'm taking that. I finally gave up and had a chicken sandwich and fries, we also got a free slice of pie because of his birthday from a coupon we had.
Don't ask me how I went from 0 to 60, from looking on the site, to saying screw it, I don't care. The only decent thing I did was take most of the bread off my sandwich. So we are already looking at 1000 calories or so, and taking the 670 calorie piece of pie home.
I don't know what happened when I got home later in the evening but I was starving. I wound up eating 6 chicken nuggets, then making a loaf of the frozen garlic bread just because I wanted a "piece". I ended up eating almost the entire loaf, and 6 more chicken nuggets. Then later offed the piece of pie.
Since my goal was to track everything no matter how bad, with my exception of allowing Wednesday off, I tracked the damage from Friday, about 3000 calories. Ay yi yi. It's not even the calories that bother me as much as the fact that I felt so out of control with the garlic bread and just the eating in general. Like I couldn't stop.
Now onto the small "up" after all of those "downs"... my goal for June was to walk 4 miles a week, well I had only done 1 up until this point because I was out of town. I managed to do my 2 mile Leslie Sansone DVD yesterday and live to tell about it, I haven't been able to do that in over a year. I walked my mile at work tonight so I successfully did my 4 miles for the week even from being out of town. The other up is I am back on track and totally in my ranges for today. So good to feel in control again.
I think it was just a huge reminder that no matter how much you think you have everything under control, it is definitely going to always be some what of a "struggle" for me to lose the weight and KEEP it off. But I'm ready to keep on trying. :)
Saturday, June 02, 2012
For her comments the other day, I have been doing what I need to do to a T ever since I heard about it the other day. I know a couple of you saw my little "status update" about it. The thing is, my friend didn't elaborate on what was said, and I didn't ask... but basically what happens is they were passing the "chow list" around at work when I was off. One person goes on a chow run for the shift and goes to pick up dinner for everyone else. So they pass it around and whoever wants their food signs up. Well at my work, there aren't assigned computers. It's basically first come first serve. Some people move around a lot and others (like myself) always sit in the same spot. There are also dividers that divide up the "pods" with either 2 or 3 computers in each.
So the one lady who had the list, all she could see over the wall to the cubicle was hair and it was the spot that I always sit. So she assumed it was me. So she said "Stephanie, do you need the list?" and the girl who was sitting there was apparently very loud and repeated "Oh hell no" at least twice. My friend didn't go into great detail, but it was basically her being greatly disgusted at the thought of someone calling her me.
Now, had this been a super fit skinny chick, I can totally see them being like "WTF". But this girl is not much smaller than me. She may weigh 30 pounds less. I am not knocking her weight at all, but more importantly, this woman only saw some hair and because it was my normal spot she assumed it was me. But for this girl to be so vocal about it and so loud was not cool. Knowing the other a-holes that I work with, I'm sure they all probably had a great laugh at my expense.
It's crazy, because I was teased in school all the way through high school for my weight. I figured now that I am 26 and a full fledged adult, I wouldn't have to deal with that nonsense anymore. But I've learned that these people at work, even the 40 year old women with children are more catty than teenagers. The only difference is the teasing is done behind your back instead of to your face.
Regardless, I'd like to thank her for making me want to get to my goal and make sure I maintain and do what I need to do. I put no value into what she said, because I know one thing, my insides are definitely more beautiful than her nasty insides that are full of hate. (This is not the only example I have of her nastiness). But with this blog I am letting her comment go, I will not internalize something like that. I can still remember every comment that was every made to me about my weight, and I am letting those go as well.
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