STEPH-KNEE   60,987
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Ups and Downs of June (Already) & Walking 2 Consecutive Miles...

Sunday, June 10, 2012

So it's only 10 days into June and I've already had the ups and downs. Let's start with the downs. I got off work at 5am on Tuesday, went home to sleep and then left to go to Vegas to visit my Grandma at about 7pm. I actually didn't do bad with my eating on this day... got to Grandma's around 11, ate and we stayed up til 5am chatting and all of that. Wednesday was Buffet day. She had two free coupons to the Buffet, and we had been planning this for weeks. So we go to lunch, and I actually did well considering. What I love about the buffet is when you don't like something, there is no pressure to eat it. There is no "I paid 10 bucks for this, I kind of have to eat it." The macaroni and cheese was awful, I mainly stuck with kielbasa sausage, mashed potatoes as my main "food". The green beans were cold and disgusting, the pizza was good but I found myself getting full and just ate the the essence of the pizza (the cheese and the 2 pepperonis on the slice;)). I was so excited they had cookies for dessert, but what a bust. They were solid as a rock. I took one bite of a dried out brownie, bleh. Had one delicious piece of carrot cake and called it a day.

I had already given myself the freedom not to track Wednesday. That was going to be fun pig out day and I was not to be bothered with it. My goals for June include tracking all food no matter how bad, so this was the only day I was allowing myself.

The worst part of Wednesday was not the buffet but the macaroni and cheese we had for dinner. Ay yi yi. I ate my dinner and had seconds, but since I am on a "night shift" schedule I was up all night anyways. At 5am I was hungry again and ate the left over mac and cheese. To think I ate an entire box in the matter of 8 or so hours really bummed me out.

Thursday was the day Grandma and I would be coming back to California. I went to visit her but also to bring her back so she could visit with the family and celebrate my brother's birthday. I picked Carl's Jr for lunch and decided I'd eat what I wanted and not stress. They have this grilled cheese cheeseburger thing that is to die for. I had it months ago when they had it and now it's back. I had that and we split some fries. I later found out that my cheeseburger alone was 910 calories, I was not pleased. Needless to say that will be my last one for, well, EVER actually ha ha.

We stopped in Barstow which was the "half way point" and had Del Taco. I had two chicken soft tacos and called it a day. When I got home I was hungry (way late like 3am but my bedtime is 6-7am), and I had something small. But the depressing part was finding out I wasted 910 big ones on just that cheeseburger.

So that brings us to Friday, time to take bro out to dinner. Let me tell you I searched Marie Callenders site for 30 minutes trying to pick something. When you tell me I can have a salad for 910 calories or a cheeseburger and fries for 1000, I'm taking that. I finally gave up and had a chicken sandwich and fries, we also got a free slice of pie because of his birthday from a coupon we had.

Don't ask me how I went from 0 to 60, from looking on the site, to saying screw it, I don't care. The only decent thing I did was take most of the bread off my sandwich. So we are already looking at 1000 calories or so, and taking the 670 calorie piece of pie home.

I don't know what happened when I got home later in the evening but I was starving. I wound up eating 6 chicken nuggets, then making a loaf of the frozen garlic bread just because I wanted a "piece". I ended up eating almost the entire loaf, and 6 more chicken nuggets. Then later offed the piece of pie.

Since my goal was to track everything no matter how bad, with my exception of allowing Wednesday off, I tracked the damage from Friday, about 3000 calories. Ay yi yi. It's not even the calories that bother me as much as the fact that I felt so out of control with the garlic bread and just the eating in general. Like I couldn't stop.

Now onto the small "up" after all of those "downs"... my goal for June was to walk 4 miles a week, well I had only done 1 up until this point because I was out of town. I managed to do my 2 mile Leslie Sansone DVD yesterday and live to tell about it, I haven't been able to do that in over a year. I walked my mile at work tonight so I successfully did my 4 miles for the week even from being out of town. The other up is I am back on track and totally in my ranges for today. So good to feel in control again.

I think it was just a huge reminder that no matter how much you think you have everything under control, it is definitely going to always be some what of a "struggle" for me to lose the weight and KEEP it off. But I'm ready to keep on trying. :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEMCC45 6/10/2012 7:13PM

    Days like this happen! My weekend was slightly like this. I would encourage you to always track - even on days you know are going to be unhealthy or are planned treat days. Seeing the numbers will really help you to get right back on track the next day instead of it turning into a 2-3 day issue. Also, make yourself some rules about your cheat days - like you have to exercise before bad foods, eat a healthy breakfast, and have healthy snacks. Or choose only 1-2 treat snacks or meals in the day. You will find what will work best for you.

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LIBELULITA 6/10/2012 2:41PM

    It's all the salt and flour and sudar in those foods that made you feel starving.They are addictive and cause cravings. I have given them up for 9 months now and no longer binge, have pig outs or cravings.....except for the one day in March when I let myself eat what I wanted and the cravings afterwards and HUNGER lasted for 3 or 4 days. It's not worth it. I would have chosen the salad over the cheeseburger to avoid what happens afterwards....but me 9 months ago wouldn't have. Me 9 months ago would've eaten 2 or 3 garlic butter baguettes followed my a tonne of chocolate. I never want to be out of control like that again so just like a heroin addict I've given it all up...the results are worth it. emoticon

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ZELDABEE 6/10/2012 9:31AM

    We all have those weeks, don't be too hard on yourself :) so proud of you for walking four miles in a week! woo-hoo! I'm also proud that even though you were over the calories you still tracked! Im not sure this will help but it works for me, sometimes I find myself mindless looking in the fridge looking for something to eat between meals so what I did was I decided on my snacks in advance, something between 100-150 calories to try me over and I drink a big glass of water. I find it helps to have a plan, I don't do a week in advance just usually a day or two just so I know what Im eating and when I'm going to be eating it. Hope that helps and keep up that awesome attitude, I know you can do it!!

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I Would Like To Thank The Nasty Beyotch At Work...

Saturday, June 02, 2012

For her comments the other day, I have been doing what I need to do to a T ever since I heard about it the other day. I know a couple of you saw my little "status update" about it. The thing is, my friend didn't elaborate on what was said, and I didn't ask... but basically what happens is they were passing the "chow list" around at work when I was off. One person goes on a chow run for the shift and goes to pick up dinner for everyone else. So they pass it around and whoever wants their food signs up. Well at my work, there aren't assigned computers. It's basically first come first serve. Some people move around a lot and others (like myself) always sit in the same spot. There are also dividers that divide up the "pods" with either 2 or 3 computers in each.

So the one lady who had the list, all she could see over the wall to the cubicle was hair and it was the spot that I always sit. So she assumed it was me. So she said "Stephanie, do you need the list?" and the girl who was sitting there was apparently very loud and repeated "Oh hell no" at least twice. My friend didn't go into great detail, but it was basically her being greatly disgusted at the thought of someone calling her me.

Now, had this been a super fit skinny chick, I can totally see them being like "WTF". But this girl is not much smaller than me. She may weigh 30 pounds less. I am not knocking her weight at all, but more importantly, this woman only saw some hair and because it was my normal spot she assumed it was me. But for this girl to be so vocal about it and so loud was not cool. Knowing the other a-holes that I work with, I'm sure they all probably had a great laugh at my expense.

It's crazy, because I was teased in school all the way through high school for my weight. I figured now that I am 26 and a full fledged adult, I wouldn't have to deal with that nonsense anymore. But I've learned that these people at work, even the 40 year old women with children are more catty than teenagers. The only difference is the teasing is done behind your back instead of to your face.

Regardless, I'd like to thank her for making me want to get to my goal and make sure I maintain and do what I need to do. I put no value into what she said, because I know one thing, my insides are definitely more beautiful than her nasty insides that are full of hate. (This is not the only example I have of her nastiness). But with this blog I am letting her comment go, I will not internalize something like that. I can still remember every comment that was every made to me about my weight, and I am letting those go as well.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEDEVIL6464 6/12/2012 10:20AM

    Don't spend time thinking/worrying/complaining about people like this. You are not the Idiot Whisperer. =)

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BOBCATGIRL76 6/4/2012 12:20PM

    Good for you. Turn that negativity into positivity in your own life. I hate catty women as well and am much happier when I can work on my own than in an office setting. I hope whoever made the comment thinks twice next time.

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ZELDABEE 6/3/2012 11:05PM

    you are so 100 times more awesome then she is! I know exactly how you feel and I think it's great that you not going to be let her comments bring you down because you totally shouldn't! You just continue being awesome and let her continue being nasty (I have a firm belief that being nasty make you age faster..just saying :p)

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DEBADEAU 6/2/2012 2:34PM

    I wish people acted like adults. Sometimes I feel like I am in high school. I have a zero tolerance policy for it tho, I usually give someone a second chance to redeem themselves, but if they fail again I keep my distance. I like to call them energy vampires. They suck the positive energy out of people and turn them negative. That's a sad life to live that I want NO part of! Good for you that it is giving you the motivation to say "now you wanna be me betch?"

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GRACEMCC45 6/2/2012 10:02AM

    Join a boxing club or kickboxing class. Pretend it's her face in front of you. Or lift really heavy things repeatedly. Exercise really is the best stress relief!

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JURORI 6/2/2012 8:07AM

    Use whatever anger or frustration she gives you as fuel to push you one step further each time it happens, until you're running laps around her. I know it's tough to handle that stuff; if you feel confident enough about it, call her out on some of the nasty stuff, or encourage others to do so. You don't need to take that kind of behavior.

Keep working on yourself, don't worry about this nasty person!

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AMCLELLAN 6/2/2012 7:53AM

    Good Job... don't ever let one stupid person bring you down. You are doing great and you will reach your goals and maintain. Apparently no matter how old we get there will always be those people just out to cause drama. emoticon

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June Goals... For Real-sies This Time! :D

Friday, June 01, 2012

I have always been so inspired by those people that blog at the beginning of a month with a list of goals, no matter how big or small. Then at the end of the month, actually come back and say whether or not those goals have been met. I may have done it back in 2010 when I was on here, but never actually followed through. I am hoping that June 2012, I can actually set out and DO what I want to accomplish. You guys really hold me accountable, and I love that. So at the end of this month, I will revisit this list, and blog about what is met and what isn't. I am hoping this keeps the fire lit under my butt to make June a good month. I have been doing pretty good food wise, but the exercise has been so inconsistent, so that is a big focus for me.

emoticon Drink 8 glasses of water each day. emoticon
emoticon Walk 4 miles per week. emoticon
emoticon Do 60 minutes cardio per week. emoticon
emoticon Do 10 minutes of strength training 3x/week emoticon
emoticon Track everything I eat no matter how bad. emoticon
emoticonLose 8 pounds by the end of June. (240.5) emoticon

I have been walking pretty consistently, but not done any strength training and my cardio aside from the walking is super in consistent. I'm hoping to look back at the end of the month just to prove to myself I can actually do this. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BROWNEYES519 6/2/2012 12:16PM

    Great Goals!!! You can do it! emoticon

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ZELDABEE 6/1/2012 9:09PM

    Those are some awesome goals and you can totally do it! I may have to borrow some!

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    Those are totally reachable goals! You can do this!!

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GRACEMCC45 6/1/2012 12:31PM

    You know which of these goals are the best?

The action goals! The things that you force yourself to achieve! Losing a certain amount of weight is more an outcome of those goals than an actual goal itself. 8lbs in a month would be awesome, but it can be hard, and I would be really sad if you got discouraged if you don't quite make it. Especially if you attain all the other ones - because those are the most important.

You will do awesome!!

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TASNIM81 6/1/2012 4:21AM

    Great goals! emoticon emoticon

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Almost Had A Morning Binge Just Now...

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

So it's technically "night" for me even though it's 5:37 am. I get off work at 5am, I work 12 hours, and I was in my calorie range for today. I get home and I'm starving. In the past this could be eating any possible left overs, well technically inhaling them while standing in front an open fridge. Or making something eat, still feeling "hungry" and making something else. This could add up to 100's of calories. The other alternative was literally to stop at a fast food joint on the way home and easily eat a days worth of calories after I'd probably already eaten 2000 for the day.

I came home I felt so hungry, I knew it was legitimate hunger as I had already had plenty of water. I only have 85 calories left for the day (since it's the end of mine)... I almost thought screw it, I can't have anything for 85 calories, then I found myself reasoning in my head... well you walked a mile today you had to burn a few calories, so you can eat more than that. On and on. 85 calories isn't even enough for one of my fiber one brownies (90 cals)... that would have even been fine. I am not going to go crazy about being 5 calories over. Then I decided I really wanted some string cheese, I didn't have any, but settled on two pieces of thin colby jack cheese that I did have. 80 calories for the whole thing, about to track it and head to bed.

I just have to say if it wasn't for Spark and you awesome people, I would be standing in front of the fridge right now inhaling anything I could get my hands on. I am so thankful to all of you! :D emoticon

Edit: And sorry to anyone who is tired of hearing about my night shift/12 hour shifts, I try and write it as if for someone who knows nothing about me... but if anyone has read more than just this one I didn't want you to think I was beating a dead horse LOL! :D ;)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THESHELBSTER 5/31/2012 12:38PM

    So proud of you. You are awesome. I go over my tracking range A LOT. A nd by hundreds. Probably why I am the same weight I was 8 months ago. Ha! So good on you. You are doing a lot better than I am right now with tracking your cals and sticking to it. I am so very proud of you!

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DEBADEAU 5/30/2012 5:42PM

    Gd it, I'm so tired of hearing about your night shifts! Just kidding! I'm glad you stand in front of the fridge and cease inhale. My fridge is full of health food so I wouldn't get very far if I did that, I dunno bout you! Haha!

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DIXIEDOLL87 5/29/2012 11:34AM

    I have been there! it's so easy to reason with yourself and tell yourself "oh its not that bad" or "I will try again tomorrow" but then tomorrow never comes. Good for you!! Success is a bunch of small steps that add up to the finish line!

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GRACEMCC45 5/29/2012 11:23AM

    You did awesome!

Remember too - fruit and veggies are low cal options when you are stuck at the end of the day!

I count from midnight to midnight for all my tracking days, that way I always have some leeway in the mornings coming off nights.

Great job!!

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BOBCATGIRL76 5/29/2012 8:48AM

    emoticon I too feel accountable to all my Spark Friends when I feel like bingeing. Glad you beat the fridge!

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MYBULLDOGS 5/29/2012 8:45AM


emoticon on staying strong

sister lost 93 pounds by walking 15000 steps a day at age 63.

i lost 44 pounds by giving up grain and sugary products


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GUCCI9300 5/29/2012 8:44AM

    emoticon ~~ You kicked that fridge's butt!!!! You go girl!! emoticon

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"Have you lost weight?" and The Walk Of Shame...

Friday, May 25, 2012

I went to get my eyebrows done today because I have to attend a wedding on Sunday, and I haven't seen my "eyebrow lady" in a while and she said "wow, have you lost weight?" I said "a little, but not enough", which is true lol. She isn't one of those people that says that all the time, so maybe it was sincere. I hate people who say it to you whenever they see you (if they are one of the people you see once in a while)... "oh have you lost weight", it's almost like the only compliment they can think of to give an overweight person. So annoying. Anyways, I was happy about the comment from her, but then... DUN DUN DUN.

I was walking around Target doing my shopping, and I saw a girl that I went to middle school with. I immediately looked down and to the side, and spent the rest of the time dodging her. First of all she looks exactly the same, her hair is even the same, and skinny just like she was back then. Now of course, I was not skinny by any means in middle school, but I definitely have at least 100 plus pounds hanging off me now. The sad part is, I have a lot of things to be proud of. I know everyone has something that they aren't 100% thrilled with, but the weight made me terrified of her recognizing me. It's weird because in other aspects of my life I am very proud of what I have accomplished. At the age of 26 I own my own home, I have a great job that is a career that I plan to stay at until I retire, and I have great friends and family. But it was like the embarrassment of this weight trumps all that I guess. I know it shouldn't be that way, but I kind of feel like "you've accomplished this and that, but you are still fat but who cares."

I think it was just an eye opener that I have a long way to go with the weight loss, but it is something that I really want. Not even so I won't have to be afraid of running into people, but just so I can feel proud of all aspects of my life, including my weight loss.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THESHELBSTER 5/26/2012 10:21PM

    You have accomplished so much. Weight can come and go but character, attitude, skills, brains, these are all things that are lifetime characteristics for you. You have come far and above many people your age. You have lost weight and gained it like we all have. But it has made you only stronger. My best friend weighs about 130 lbs and she eats like a horse. She mowed down about 1200 calories worth of cookies right in front of me without blinking an eye. But you know what? She is not happy most of the time. That girl you saw could be miserable regardless of her hair and her skinny jeans. I am learning that happiness does not come from a number on the scale. I am proud of you and feel blessed to have you as a friend.

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    You sound exactly like me. I love my job and own my house, but I didn't have a strong bond with many people in high school. If she was just some chick the 2 minutes she saw you won't make an impact, she doesn't know about all the wonderful things you have done since the last time she saw you, and if she doesn't actually stop and talk to you she never will.

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GRACEMCC45 5/25/2012 11:11PM

    What a wonderful feeling from your eyebrow lady!

As for the chick from middle school, I have a few things to ask you:
1) Does she have any bearing in your life whatsoever?
2) Do you feel like you need her validation, although it appears you have not had any semblance of a relationship in many years?
3) How are your accomplishments/failures of any concern to her? Do they impact her life in any way?

If your answer to any of these questions is "no", then you can start to decide whose opinions and ideas you are going to let alter your behaviours. Hold your head up high, don't shy away! You have made amazing progress and deserve to sache through Target like the super amazing chicka you are!

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