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STEPH-KNEE's Recent Blog Entries
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Saturday, June 02, 2012
For her comments the other day, I have been doing what I need to do to a T ever since I heard about it the other day. I know a couple of you saw my little "status update" about it. The thing is, my friend didn't elaborate on what was said, and I didn't ask... but basically what happens is they were passing the "chow list" around at work when I was off. One person goes on a chow run for the shift and goes to pick up dinner for everyone else. So they pass it around and whoever wants their food signs up. Well at my work, there aren't assigned computers. It's basically first come first serve. Some people move around a lot and others (like myself) always sit in the same spot. There are also dividers that divide up the "pods" with either 2 or 3 computers in each.
So the one lady who had the list, all she could see over the wall to the cubicle was hair and it was the spot that I always sit. So she assumed it was me. So she said "Stephanie, do you need the list?" and the girl who was sitting there was apparently very loud and repeated "Oh hell no" at least twice. My friend didn't go into great detail, but it was basically her being greatly disgusted at the thought of someone calling her me.
Now, had this been a super fit skinny chick, I can totally see them being like "WTF". But this girl is not much smaller than me. She may weigh 30 pounds less. I am not knocking her weight at all, but more importantly, this woman only saw some hair and because it was my normal spot she assumed it was me. But for this girl to be so vocal about it and so loud was not cool. Knowing the other a-holes that I work with, I'm sure they all probably had a great laugh at my expense.
It's crazy, because I was teased in school all the way through high school for my weight. I figured now that I am 26 and a full fledged adult, I wouldn't have to deal with that nonsense anymore. But I've learned that these people at work, even the 40 year old women with children are more catty than teenagers. The only difference is the teasing is done behind your back instead of to your face.
Regardless, I'd like to thank her for making me want to get to my goal and make sure I maintain and do what I need to do. I put no value into what she said, because I know one thing, my insides are definitely more beautiful than her nasty insides that are full of hate. (This is not the only example I have of her nastiness). But with this blog I am letting her comment go, I will not internalize something like that. I can still remember every comment that was every made to me about my weight, and I am letting those go as well.
Friday, June 01, 2012
I have always been so inspired by those people that blog at the beginning of a month with a list of goals, no matter how big or small. Then at the end of the month, actually come back and say whether or not those goals have been met. I may have done it back in 2010 when I was on here, but never actually followed through. I am hoping that June 2012, I can actually set out and DO what I want to accomplish. You guys really hold me accountable, and I love that. So at the end of this month, I will revisit this list, and blog about what is met and what isn't. I am hoping this keeps the fire lit under my butt to make June a good month. I have been doing pretty good food wise, but the exercise has been so inconsistent, so that is a big focus for me.
Goals:
 Drink 8 glasses of water each day. 
Walk 4 miles per week. 
Do 60 minutes cardio per week. 
Do 10 minutes of strength training 3x/week 
Track everything I eat no matter how bad. 
Lose 8 pounds by the end of June. (240.5) 
I have been walking pretty consistently, but not done any strength training and my cardio aside from the walking is super in consistent. I'm hoping to look back at the end of the month just to prove to myself I can actually do this. 
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
So it's technically "night" for me even though it's 5:37 am. I get off work at 5am, I work 12 hours, and I was in my calorie range for today. I get home and I'm starving. In the past this could be eating any possible left overs, well technically inhaling them while standing in front an open fridge. Or making something eat, still feeling "hungry" and making something else. This could add up to 100's of calories. The other alternative was literally to stop at a fast food joint on the way home and easily eat a days worth of calories after I'd probably already eaten 2000 for the day.
I came home I felt so hungry, I knew it was legitimate hunger as I had already had plenty of water. I only have 85 calories left for the day (since it's the end of mine)... I almost thought screw it, I can't have anything for 85 calories, then I found myself reasoning in my head... well you walked a mile today you had to burn a few calories, so you can eat more than that. On and on. 85 calories isn't even enough for one of my fiber one brownies (90 cals)... that would have even been fine. I am not going to go crazy about being 5 calories over. Then I decided I really wanted some string cheese, I didn't have any, but settled on two pieces of thin colby jack cheese that I did have. 80 calories for the whole thing, about to track it and head to bed.
I just have to say if it wasn't for Spark and you awesome people, I would be standing in front of the fridge right now inhaling anything I could get my hands on. I am so thankful to all of you! :D 
Edit: And sorry to anyone who is tired of hearing about my night shift/12 hour shifts, I try and write it as if for someone who knows nothing about me... but if anyone has read more than just this one I didn't want you to think I was beating a dead horse LOL! :D ;)
Friday, May 25, 2012
I went to get my eyebrows done today because I have to attend a wedding on Sunday, and I haven't seen my "eyebrow lady" in a while and she said "wow, have you lost weight?" I said "a little, but not enough", which is true lol. She isn't one of those people that says that all the time, so maybe it was sincere. I hate people who say it to you whenever they see you (if they are one of the people you see once in a while)... "oh have you lost weight", it's almost like the only compliment they can think of to give an overweight person. So annoying. Anyways, I was happy about the comment from her, but then... DUN DUN DUN.
I was walking around Target doing my shopping, and I saw a girl that I went to middle school with. I immediately looked down and to the side, and spent the rest of the time dodging her. First of all she looks exactly the same, her hair is even the same, and skinny just like she was back then. Now of course, I was not skinny by any means in middle school, but I definitely have at least 100 plus pounds hanging off me now. The sad part is, I have a lot of things to be proud of. I know everyone has something that they aren't 100% thrilled with, but the weight made me terrified of her recognizing me. It's weird because in other aspects of my life I am very proud of what I have accomplished. At the age of 26 I own my own home, I have a great job that is a career that I plan to stay at until I retire, and I have great friends and family. But it was like the embarrassment of this weight trumps all that I guess. I know it shouldn't be that way, but I kind of feel like "you've accomplished this and that, but you are still fat but who cares."
I think it was just an eye opener that I have a long way to go with the weight loss, but it is something that I really want. Not even so I won't have to be afraid of running into people, but just so I can feel proud of all aspects of my life, including my weight loss.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
So I'm way late on the weight loss vases, but better late than never right? To be quite honest with you I'm a pretty lazy person (it's a wonder I'm overweight huh? *giggles*;) ), so I did a trial run with vases I had around the house to see if I would actually continue to move the marbles. I know, how sad is that? But I wasn't sure if it was something I thought was great for the moment and would be over in a week. So I took the plunge today and actually bought some stickers and the vases. I already had the little purple and pink hearts which I love, today I get big clear ones to represent the 10 pound marks and and the beautiful huge pink one for goal. Whoever had the idea to get a special gem for your goal is a genius btw. :)
So there we have it, 22 pounds down from my highest, and 70 pounds to get to 180. I really think I'd feel great at 180, but I am also torn because I know this is still in the overweight BMI. I was watching Weight Of The Nation last night per a recommendation from a fellow sparkie, and physically seeing how being in that category can affect so many things health wise it really made me rethink it. For my height, the very highest end of the healthy BMI would be 160 pounds, but I just don't know if that is for me. I guess we'll see. I think I should focus on getting out of the 200's before I burden myself with such decisions. ;)
And Cravings, are really testing my nerves, but I managed to satisfy a craving with not too many calories. Jack In The Box has a new Jr. Jack, which I added the cheese to, however I did not eat the bun or any sauce, just the patty, cheese, onion, pickle and tomato, along with their value fry. I've come a long way since a double cheeseburger, large fries, and tacos on the side etc etc. It's funny because the thing I was craving as far as the burger is concerned was the actual patty, so why throw all those calories away for the bun and sauces? So silly.
Hope everyone is having a great week! :D 
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
I too feel accountable to all my Spark Friends when I feel like bingeing. Glad you beat the fridge!
on staying strong