STEPH-KNEE   80,643
80,000-99,999 SparkPoints
STEPH-KNEE's Recent Blog Entries

People Thinking I'm Older Than I Am (Weight Related)

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Well, just my coworkers lol. In the real world, I still always get carded for alcohol (I'm 26), I was at the movies with my friends to see are rated R movie and she is like 'are any of you over 21' thinking that some of us were not even 18. But when we get new people my age at work, and they ask something about how old I am or however it comes they always say "I thought you were older than me", in many cases I am the same age or a year or 2 younger. I honestly think it's directly related to my weight. I am sure I think a lot of things have to do with my weight that don't, but I really think this is the case. I should mention all of these people have been thin girls... I have a feeling it's kind of like well you are so fat I figured you were older to get up to that weight.

That's the only thing I can think of, since the rest of the world won't even let me get a drink without asking to see ID, so hopefully when I lose this weight, I come off my own age for once in my life. I can hope right? ;)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBADEAU 5/17/2012 12:12PM

    I think it has a lot to do with weight and the way you eat. When you start eating healthier your skin starts getting better and it all just rolls from there!

Report Inappropriate Comment
STEPH-KNEE 5/17/2012 12:08AM

    That is awesome! I think this is another thing I can look forward to now, instead of just looking at being healthier (which is the most important) and looking and feeling better, but actually being able look my own age. You look phenominal btw. :D

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRACEMCC45 5/16/2012 11:39PM

    You will be amazed at how much your weight will change your perceived age! On Facebook I have a lady I babysat for when I was 16 years old (I'm 24 now). When I was bigger I was always mistaken for 5-8 years older than my actual age. Her husband looked at my before/after pics and said I look younger now than I did then! I feel like I look more my age now. Being healthier (and not even about weight really) makes your skin, eyes, hair, everything look younger and more full of life!

Report Inappropriate Comment

A Knife & Fork For Finger Foods, Who Knew?

Monday, May 14, 2012

Okay, so everyone probably knew ha ha. I've always been a little slow. ;) I totally understand the idea of eating slower, slowing down, eating off a smaller plate, chewing plenty and all of that. Do I always do that? No, not always. But I try and make an effort not to inhale my food like I used to. But never in a million years did I ever think about cutting up chicken nuggets. I mean how silly does that look? 1 or 2 bites tops, and that nugget is toast. I was so amazed today how it seemed like my food went on FOREVER. Instead of 6 chicken nuggets, I felt like I had about 50. I am now enjoying my frozen pizza the same way, and boy does it make a difference. I think I'm going to have adopt this for some of the foods I never would have thought about.

And I'm sure there are people cringing at the fact I am eating chicken nuggets and now a frozen pizza, but the fact of it is I work 12 hours on graveyard shift and frozen food is a way of life for me on my working days, but I promise you I'm well within my calories. :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RCW0442EHS 5/15/2012 4:34PM

    I still eat a lot of frozen foods myself, you have to do what works for you and cooking fresh food isn't always possible especially with work. The fact that you're taking the time to track shows that you're not reckless with your diet so there really isn't a problem. Your idea of cutting up convenience foods like that is good. I would have never thought of that, it seems so weird at first but I can see how it would work. Keep up the good work and who cares how silly people think it looks.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEBADEAU 5/14/2012 8:05PM

    I'm HORRIFIED!! Just kidding ;) As long as you are under your calories and you are supplementing with fruit and veggies, you are FINE! Good idea with cutting up finger foods. I wolf my food down too.

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMCLELLAN 5/14/2012 10:57AM

    As long as you stay within your calorie range I don't think it matters what you eat. Yesterday, for mother's day, my husband took me to Cold Stone and I made pizza for dinner, but I did stay within my calorie range so I don't care that may choices weren't the best they could have been. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

My Body Is Begging Me 2 Stop The Madness!

Sunday, May 06, 2012

So the last couple days have not been the best... because of my weird sleep schedule, it feels like it's been 3 days, but it was technically just yesterday that I posted my binge blog. While I stopped in the middle of it, and have not binged again, I just have not been making good or smart choices. Eating junk, and not even bothering to track. Today I found myself resorting to an old habit. It is amazing how quickly we can fall back into an old pattern.

My habit for MONTHS was to get up, get ready for work, and pick up Burger King on the way. I start work at 5pm, and I used to be at a point point where I was so hungry by 4pm and this was an easy fix for me. I would eat chicken tenders and french fries on the way to work. It's a scary thought, especially considering the amount of calories, and that was just the first meal of the day. Even if I ate relatively healthy the rest of the day, it didn't matter, since the first meal pretty much contained a days worth of calories.

Today I found myself in that drive thru for the first time in weeks. I was even joking with one of my friends that the guy at Burger King probably thought "that fat girl probably died of a heart attack or something"... because just about every Saturday he would see me ordering the same thing, and then it stopped for at least a month. I would even go some Sundays as well, depending on things. He even stopped asking me if I wanted dipping sauce, he just threw the ranch in the bag. Talk about embarrassing. Add on to that the fact that I live in LA, not some tiny town somewhere. He had plenty of customers each and everyday, but the same fat girl, ordering the same combo every weekend stands out I guess lol.

I will not go into details, I don't want to give TMI, but my stomach is pretty pissed. Between the grease fest of yesterday and now this today, my body is screaming, please, just stop. I practically lived off fast food, and that paired with laziness is the reason I am overweight, plain and simple. So my body was absolutely used to high amounts of fats and grease, and I typically didn't have a problem. It's amazing to see that even though I don't feel I have been making that many changes or doing that great, my body does recognize it and it can recognize when I'm starting to slip. Good reminder to keep moving forward, one day at a time, one meal at a time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRYSTL719 5/15/2012 8:42PM

    We can all relate. I know I can, heck, I didnt get to 330lbs by being healthy right? =) Keep your tracker updated even if you gained any weight, and lets continue where we left off! The sooner you come to terms with it, the better, and thank god you blogged it and told everyone, most people just stopped coming all together back to sparkpeople.

We want you here just as much as we want to be here. Everyone makes this an amazing sparkpage, so lets fight those food demons. The cravings will pass. Lets go back to square 1, when we choose water instead of giving in, or chew gum... it helps me.

Take care sparkfriend! it will be just fine. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BABBINA 5/15/2012 8:30PM

    Wow girl, u sound just like me! Yea t is embarrassing where the take out order taker knows u by face & what u like and expects u like clockwork. Then the oddest things is when u cut down on junk food for a while & come back to it for a treat, all of a sudden yr body can't handle it anymore!!! For years I used to eat like 1-2 steak quesadilla @ a shot several times a week along w other text mex items like it was nothing! Let's just say last mth, I had my 1st one one in mths & caught a nasty case of food poisoning... its crazy man.

Report Inappropriate Comment
THESHELBSTER 5/11/2012 10:46AM

    You are human. Don't beat yourself up for it. Today is a new day!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEBADEAU 5/6/2012 2:14PM

    My body reacts the same way when I eat bad food now. So you had a couple not so awesome days, just start over again with your next meal!

Report Inappropriate Comment

A Binge or Just Dinner?

Friday, May 04, 2012

It's amazing how our perspective on something can change so much. Right now, I feel like I just had a conscious binge. I know a lot of people have the kind of binge where it's almost like they can't stop themselves, and they almost black out or are on auto pilot. I totally feel for those that have had that issue, but that wasn't the case here. I am disappointed because I knew what I was doing every step of the way.

I work graveyard shift 5pm to 5am, so bed time for me is 6 or 7 am. On my days off my sleeping gets even more screwy, and I sometimes can't fall asleep til 10am and that messes me up royally. This morning was one of those days, the longer I was awake the hungrier I got. The problem is I should be asleep.

So not only was this a binge, but this would be the equivalent of someone on a normal sleep schedule lying in bed, not being able to sleep, and getting up out of bed to binge.

Oh but it gets worse, I didn't just find myself in the kitchen, I decided I wanted food from a diner around here that has a drive thru. So I decide I want a patty melt, and maybe chili cheese fries, oh but the onion rings are just so good. I tried for .2 seconds to talk myself out of it, but then grabbed my keys and got in the car. So not only did I get up to do it, I got in the car and drove. I knew what I was doing. Ordered the food, I knew, and for some reason even threw in a grilled cheese sandwich, WTF? So that is now two very unhealthy "meals" fit for two people.

I come home and I immediately dig in. The patty melt was the thing I was craving the most so I just started eating. Then as I looked down at the grilled onions that I spelled onto my huge stomach, and the bag of food next to me, I finally stopped.

Now, someone who was totally willing to do the right thing might have stopped and thrown it all away. I hate to say it but I'm definitely not that strong. So I wound up eating one very unhealthy meal. I ate the chili cheese fries, I ate 1/2 the grilled cheese and 1/2 the patty melt and put the rest in the fridge.

But what is this part in my title about dinner you ask? A month ago, a meal that resembled this could have been considered my dinner. Can you believe it? While having the two sandwiches/burgers was out of the norm for me, it would not be uncommon for me to go to say Jack In The Box for example and have: a large fry, chicken strips, mozarella sticks, and stuffed jalapenos. Or two tacos instead of one of those things, and that would not even be considering what else I had eaten in the day. So while I am truly embarrassed by this, it is amazing how much my perspective has changed. This felt and looked wrong to me, instead of it being "just another meal". I also would NEVER admit this to anyone in my everyday life, I would just be mortified. But by putting it out into the "Spark-verse", I feel it is holding me at least a tiny bit accountable. From now on anytime I slip up like this, I am going to blog about this. I am hoping that maybe, just maybe that'll help me to think twice.

Today was definitely not a success, as I only ate half and will end up eating the half at some other point, but it's a start. Here's to hoping the next time I can stop before I get in the car.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VICKYMARIEC 8/20/2012 12:18PM

    I'm just catching up on your blogs and this one hits home...sometimes i still have those "meals." Wendy's is my favorite. I avoid going there because i cannot control myself. A typical meal would be: a spicy chicken sandwich with cheese, large fries, large drink, 2 orders of spicy nuggets, a hamburger of some sort and a large chocolate frosty...yes - all for one home obviously. Sad to say that just last week i wanted wendy's and my meal was a double cheeseburger, large fries, large coke, large chocolate frosty and 2 orders of spicy's my weakness and i need to avoid it like the plague.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BABBINA 5/15/2012 8:36PM

    Forst pff, it's ok to cheat sometimes!!! Now that that's out the way lol, lemme say this, just the fact tha tyr perspective is changing says it all. You will be successful in the long run, no matter what simply b/c yr aware of what's what now. Girl we got s much in common when it comes to our relationship w food & our chanes along our journey, its not even funny... Anyways, don't beat yrself over it, WL is a Journey, a process, yr not only changing yr habits, but also yr mind, spirit, beliefs, etc. You will fall & stumble sometimes, but its how quickly u get up & jump back up that matters. Eventually, you'll find less of a need to grab yr keys & go out on a drive thru binge...

Report Inappropriate Comment
THESHELBSTER 5/11/2012 10:51AM

    Girl, my typical meal from McDonald's used to be A filet o fish sanwich with extra tartar sauce, AND a big mac, AND a large fry AND a large Dr. Pepper, and then whatever my son did not eat from his happy meal I would finish off too.

Now when I am craving fast food I go to chic-fil-a. I do not order fries. I tell them no butter on the bun. I LOVE chic-fil-a. It totally satisfies that fast food craving and even a fried chic-fil-a sandwich is like 480 calories or something. Maybe less. It is totally manageable.

You are constantly learning.

You are not the only one who has gotten in their car to binge.

I have done it before too.

Being accountable is a huge part of being successful on this weight loss journey so I am proud of you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DAYTHYME 5/5/2012 5:11AM

    I understand that it is so much harder for odd sleepers. I for one have one of the most screwed up sleeping schedules. I always get 8+ hours in, but the times I fall asleep are so random. I know exactly how you feel, when you are laying in bed with the sun up and just cannot sleep the more you cannot sleep the more hungry you get. I just notice the more tired I am the more unhealthy I want to eat. You just want to shove the quickest thing into your face :) Now anytime before I go to bed I grab a couple of my favorite crackers(Cheez-its) and fall asleep so much easier, with that awesome taste in my mouth. Live and learn girl. Find something that works for you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
STARSUB99 5/4/2012 4:00PM

    This is called learning and progress... and it's good for you. Really. You went out and got the food. Started eating and were consciously aware enough to stop and think about what you were doing. This is how we learn and then change our habits. You are learning to stop a bad behaviour.
Imagine how far you have come from downing tons of greasy calories without thinking about it - to being aware of what you are doing and stopping.
This is progress. I'm there right now too. When I get the craving I stop and think to myself - what am I feeling. Usually it's lonely, sad, frustrated etc..... so I journal first and stop and think about the feeling and why I want to turn to food and then by the time I think it through the craving is gone.
Its these moments we have in the middle of it all that help us move toward success.
Just get past it and move on to the next good thing you can do for yourself

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEBADEAU 5/4/2012 3:16PM

    It's really good that you recognize this as more of a one off situation than a daily occurrence. I too, have done the late night get in the car and get $10 worth of McDonald's. The important thing is you notice it's bad behavior, and also, this ISN'T a meal you eat every day anymore!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LINDYLOOP1 5/4/2012 2:58PM

    Don't beat yourself up! There is always tomorrow...or this afternoon.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Lying About What You Ate (Not What You Think)

Saturday, April 14, 2012

I don't mean in terms of "I ate 3 cheeseburgers today and I'm not going to tell anyone, and tell them I had a salad instead", I mean actually telling them you ate the unhealthy food to get them off your back.

I just realized I did this without even thinking. I am a dispatcher and it is "dispatchers week" and so there is some sort of food or goody each and every day. Luckily I only work 4 days out of the 7, but still. Today was breakfast stuff, waffles, bacons, sausage, eggs. I found myself when the one woman said "Did you get some of the waffles?" I replied without thought "Yes, I had a little bit, it was yummy, thank you." This woman was on the committee that made the money to provide us with these things. She said "oh good, glad you liked it, there is plenty." I just replied thank you, all while taking my soup out of the microwave.

I know some say that you should tell anyone and everyone about your healthy life style and all of that, but I know my coworkers and they know me. I have been on a weight loss rollercoaster the entire 4 years I've been here, up and down in weight, and I pick my battles, and this is one I chose not to pick. It's easier to say that and keep walking, instead of 20 questions about why you don't want to eat it. Plus, where I work there are even more toxic people that will actually try harder to feed you garbage if they know you are trying to be healthy.

Has anyone else ever lied about what they ate, or am I the only one? LOL.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEMCC45 5/17/2012 12:26AM

    Guilty! Chocolate filled croissants were available at a work meeting a few weeks ago. I had to work nightshift that night so I told the host I would take one for that night (they are well aware of my weight loss and nutritional efforts). Took it home and left it as a treat for hubby!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEBADEAU 4/28/2012 9:01AM

    I've done that plenty of times. I'm a trainer in an office environment and we have a lot of pot lucks ("pig outs" we call them). I'm also on the volunteer committee so I plan a lot of these junk food fests. I take a little bit of everything but try to eat just the good stuff. You are definitely not alone.

Report Inappropriate Comment
WERNERETTE 4/16/2012 9:25AM

    I have found myself doing the same thing! Sometimes I feel like dealing with food pushers is even harder than actually losing weight lol.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TORIAMAE 4/15/2012 7:56AM takes a while for people to catch up with a major change like that. And saboteurs are everywhere!

Report Inappropriate Comment
NEWBIEBAIT 4/14/2012 11:52PM

    I do it all the time. I don't feel bad at all. It's so much easier to avoid any sort of issues that others bring up by making different choices.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BESCAIFE 4/14/2012 11:09PM

    I've done the same just to avoid confrontation. It's true that some people seem to taunt or push food if they know you're trying to work on healthy eating habits. I'm more than happy to talk about my eating habits if I know it's true, positive interest. If I feel it'll become a thing, I'll do the same as you did and remark that I tried whatever food they brought...

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 Last Page