Tuesday, May 29, 2012
So it's technically "night" for me even though it's 5:37 am. I get off work at 5am, I work 12 hours, and I was in my calorie range for today. I get home and I'm starving. In the past this could be eating any possible left overs, well technically inhaling them while standing in front an open fridge. Or making something eat, still feeling "hungry" and making something else. This could add up to 100's of calories. The other alternative was literally to stop at a fast food joint on the way home and easily eat a days worth of calories after I'd probably already eaten 2000 for the day.
I came home I felt so hungry, I knew it was legitimate hunger as I had already had plenty of water. I only have 85 calories left for the day (since it's the end of mine)... I almost thought screw it, I can't have anything for 85 calories, then I found myself reasoning in my head... well you walked a mile today you had to burn a few calories, so you can eat more than that. On and on. 85 calories isn't even enough for one of my fiber one brownies (90 cals)... that would have even been fine. I am not going to go crazy about being 5 calories over. Then I decided I really wanted some string cheese, I didn't have any, but settled on two pieces of thin colby jack cheese that I did have. 80 calories for the whole thing, about to track it and head to bed.
I just have to say if it wasn't for Spark and you awesome people, I would be standing in front of the fridge right now inhaling anything I could get my hands on. I am so thankful to all of you! :D
Edit: And sorry to anyone who is tired of hearing about my night shift/12 hour shifts, I try and write it as if for someone who knows nothing about me... but if anyone has read more than just this one I didn't want you to think I was beating a dead horse LOL! :D ;)
Friday, May 25, 2012
I went to get my eyebrows done today because I have to attend a wedding on Sunday, and I haven't seen my "eyebrow lady" in a while and she said "wow, have you lost weight?" I said "a little, but not enough", which is true lol. She isn't one of those people that says that all the time, so maybe it was sincere. I hate people who say it to you whenever they see you (if they are one of the people you see once in a while)... "oh have you lost weight", it's almost like the only compliment they can think of to give an overweight person. So annoying. Anyways, I was happy about the comment from her, but then... DUN DUN DUN.
I was walking around Target doing my shopping, and I saw a girl that I went to middle school with. I immediately looked down and to the side, and spent the rest of the time dodging her. First of all she looks exactly the same, her hair is even the same, and skinny just like she was back then. Now of course, I was not skinny by any means in middle school, but I definitely have at least 100 plus pounds hanging off me now. The sad part is, I have a lot of things to be proud of. I know everyone has something that they aren't 100% thrilled with, but the weight made me terrified of her recognizing me. It's weird because in other aspects of my life I am very proud of what I have accomplished. At the age of 26 I own my own home, I have a great job that is a career that I plan to stay at until I retire, and I have great friends and family. But it was like the embarrassment of this weight trumps all that I guess. I know it shouldn't be that way, but I kind of feel like "you've accomplished this and that, but you are still fat but who cares."
I think it was just an eye opener that I have a long way to go with the weight loss, but it is something that I really want. Not even so I won't have to be afraid of running into people, but just so I can feel proud of all aspects of my life, including my weight loss.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
So I'm way late on the weight loss vases, but better late than never right? To be quite honest with you I'm a pretty lazy person (it's a wonder I'm overweight huh? *giggles*;) ), so I did a trial run with vases I had around the house to see if I would actually continue to move the marbles. I know, how sad is that? But I wasn't sure if it was something I thought was great for the moment and would be over in a week. So I took the plunge today and actually bought some stickers and the vases. I already had the little purple and pink hearts which I love, today I get big clear ones to represent the 10 pound marks and and the beautiful huge pink one for goal. Whoever had the idea to get a special gem for your goal is a genius btw. :)
So there we have it, 22 pounds down from my highest, and 70 pounds to get to 180. I really think I'd feel great at 180, but I am also torn because I know this is still in the overweight BMI. I was watching Weight Of The Nation last night per a recommendation from a fellow sparkie, and physically seeing how being in that category can affect so many things health wise it really made me rethink it. For my height, the very highest end of the healthy BMI would be 160 pounds, but I just don't know if that is for me. I guess we'll see. I think I should focus on getting out of the 200's before I burden myself with such decisions. ;)
And Cravings, are really testing my nerves, but I managed to satisfy a craving with not too many calories. Jack In The Box has a new Jr. Jack, which I added the cheese to, however I did not eat the bun or any sauce, just the patty, cheese, onion, pickle and tomato, along with their value fry. I've come a long way since a double cheeseburger, large fries, and tacos on the side etc etc. It's funny because the thing I was craving as far as the burger is concerned was the actual patty, so why throw all those calories away for the bun and sauces? So silly.
Hope everyone is having a great week! :D
Monday, May 21, 2012
For me, weight loss has always been about one number, and one number only, the number on the dreaded scale. If it didn't move as fast as I felt it should, or heaven forbid went up a pound or 2, I would lose all motivation. But for the first time I see myself fascinated with other numbers. Like my spark points, my calorie and fat count on the nutrition tracker, and the fitness tracker. With the exception of the last couple weeks, I haven't exercised in an incredibly long time, 80% laziness and 20% fear.
I have arthritis in both my knees, and too much exercise or not even too much, it's more the intensity and what not can hurt my knees and they wind up getting inflamed, and this can last for months. The last time it happened I needed cortisone shots in each knee just to be able to walk, and that was over 6 weeks after it was inflamed. So for me high impact just isn't going to happen. On top of that, I fell in April of 2011, broke my ankle and my leg. I now have a plate in my leg, and two screws in my ankle. Definitely not fun, you can still feel a stiffness and my range of motion will never be the same. So there is a legit sense of fear of hurting myself further. But on the flip side of that there is still no excuse for me to sit around and do absolutely nothing. I was using the pool in the condo to help my knees when they were inflamed, but I'm not a big fan of being out in the pool alone, it's a self confidence/swimsuit issue at this point. If my brother comes over and goes with me then I'll do it, but haven't done that in a while. But I am loving getting back into my walking DVD's. I love Leslie Sansone. It is easy on my knees and I like the option of 1, 2, or 3 miles (for now) so I can work my way up. I am also loving my WII and my new WII games. So much fun.
I've never paid much attention to my Spark Points, but all of a sudden I find myself obsessed. I have been on Spark for years, and at one point lost 40 pounds, but gained most of it back. I thought about clearing out the points and starting fresh, but I feel like my struggles and the back and forth is all a part of this journey. Now I find myself reading articles and all those little extra things to get the points. It's almost like a game in itself. Plus I'm trying to keep up my spark streak for walking 4 miles a week, and hope to up the mileage in the future. I think not being so obsessed with the scale is really helping me stay on track, because it's been hovering around 250 for a little while now. That would normally cause me to throw in the towel, but I can't ruin my streak now can I? ;)
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Well, just my coworkers lol. In the real world, I still always get carded for alcohol (I'm 26), I was at the movies with my friends to see are rated R movie and she is like 'are any of you over 21' thinking that some of us were not even 18. But when we get new people my age at work, and they ask something about how old I am or however it comes they always say "I thought you were older than me", in many cases I am the same age or a year or 2 younger. I honestly think it's directly related to my weight. I am sure I think a lot of things have to do with my weight that don't, but I really think this is the case. I should mention all of these people have been thin girls... I have a feeling it's kind of like well you are so fat I figured you were older to get up to that weight.
That's the only thing I can think of, since the rest of the world won't even let me get a drink without asking to see ID, so hopefully when I lose this weight, I come off my own age for once in my life. I can hope right? ;)
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