Saturday, December 25, 2010
On the downside, I don't have some incredible weight loss story. No awesome before and after pictures to show all that I've accomplished. But I do feel that I've learned a lot this year, and I am determined to make 2011 my year!
I've learned that...
*For me to be successful, I need to be on Spark. I need to log my food, there is no way around it for me.
*I need to lose weight for me, on my own terms, and it doesn't matter how anyone else feels about it.
*I need to make myself a priority in my life, and if that means rearranging life so that I can be number 1, then it must be done.
*I can not hide from food (temptation). It will always be around, and it is up to me and only me to make the best of it.
*I feel so much better when I'm exercising regularly, and I need it to become a way of life.
*I will NEVER be happy (body-wise) at an unhealthy weight. I despise getting winded so easily, I hate how my clothes fit, and I hate how sluggish I feel. I will not settle for this unhealthy body I am living in.
I have had a lot of ups and downs in 2010 (as does anyone), and I honestly feel there were more downs than anything. I do wish I handled them better, and had *more to show* for this year.
BUT, this time last year I weighed 272 (my highest weight EVER), and I am currently hovering around 258. While this is no great accomplishment, I know for a fact if I had not found Spark and at least attempted to become healthier throughout the year, I would be much higher than 272. To know I avoided hitting or getting even closer to the 300 pound mark is an accomplishment for me in a roundabout way.
Hopefully next year at this time I will have learned even more and weigh even less! :D
Friday, December 10, 2010
So I know we all go through ups and downs, but it's like I have gone through both in a matter of like 6 days! It's crazy. I wish I could just have one good week, so that I could build my confidence and remind myself that I ACTUALLY know how to do this. I started out the week great, as I often do, then I wanted to have fast food for one meal, and I said to myself, no problem... I this will be my "free" meal for the week. Then the next day I had fast food and the next day. It's like what is wrong with me? Before I was able to have one fast food meal a week, and I'd look forward to it, and after I had it I'd immediately get back on track. For some reason now, I am not strong enough to do that. It's like a get a taste of it, and I run amok.
I'm not going to lie, there is a HUGE part of me right now that just wants to accept my fate as a fatty. I know that is a horrible way to look at things, because I do know that I can lose weight, as I've done it before... I'm just being real here LOL!!
Oh, and I'm not looking for a pitty party or people to say 'don't worry' or anything... trust me... I'm not like that. I just decided last week that I would post my goals, and so this is my post saying I totally failed.
I don't want to give up, because I am so unhappy with my body. So what I've learned from this week, is that *right now*, I am not "sturdy" enough to have a fast food meal once a week, as it leads to more and more. So for this next week, I really just want to focus on calories and eating what I need to it. I know it's probably not the best to have an "all or nothing" outlook on my food at this point, but I'm running out of ideas. =/
Sunday, December 05, 2010
how no one *really* cares whether you lose this weight or not? I know, silly question. I also don't want anyone to think that I genuinely mean that no one cares if we get healthy or not. I know my dad truly worries about my health from time to time, especially as diabetes runs in the family. But I just mean in general, day to day terms. Like, no one cares if I'm fat or not. It's just so funny to think, this is all me. Do I have a select few friends and family who know my struggles and that I want to lose weight? Sure. Do they encourage me? Sometimes. But I am realizing this is the one time in my life I neeeeeeeeeed to be selfish.
I think what I am struggling with the most, is not going on this journey with someone. I have Spark Friends, and even a real life bff who is trying to lose weight, but we are not doing it in the same ways, and live about an hour apart. The only time I lost a *good chunk* of weight through all my years of struggle, was when my mom and I went on Nutrisystem together. I lost 40 pounds relatively easily, my mom and I made our food, ate, and exercised together. Then, just like everything else, it fizzled out. I know that the Nutrisystem was absolutely not the main reason I lost the weight, it was because I had a partner in crime. I moved out a year ago and live alone, so it is definitely all me. My mom is at her heaviest weight (which I'd kill to weigh what she weighs at her heaviest weight LOL), but she doesn't seem to have any desire to do anything about it, which I totally understand. Part of me wishes she'd hop on the bandwagon so I wouldn't feel alone, but we don't live together anyways, so it'd still wouldn't be like it was before.
But I am honestly to my breaking point. I feel sooooo uncomfortable all the time. I can honestly say I hate my body. I despise it. I despise this ginormous behind that follows me wherever I go, and more than anything, I hate my two stomachs that I have to lug around. I want to lose enough weight so that me turning over in bed isn't considered an olympic sport. I need to make this time different, I need to commit to this lifestyle change, and I need to remember it's all about me-me-me when it comes to this. Let's rock this biz-nitch. ;)
Saturday, November 20, 2010
I find myself thinking that a lot these days. I get winded SO easily, and I am only 24... It shouldn't be like this. There are two sets of stairs in my house... a set leading up to the bathrooms/bedrooms and a set leading down to the garage. So while doing chores like cleaning, I am going up stairs to round up the laundry... down those stairs, then down the other stairs to start the laundry (back and forth up and down the stairs to put in dryer and later take them out of the dryer...) up and down the stairs to take out trash, bring home groceries etc etc. BUT THEY ARE JUST STAIRS! It's not climbing Mount Everest or anything! I am pretty sure my 67 year old grandma could out run me at this point.
When I bring home a ton of groceries and find myself about ready to pass out, I say to myself damn, I need a husband so he could help me with this, that'd make it easier. But eff that lol, all I need is to lose 100 pounds, and I wouldn't need anyones help;). I have said countless times how sick I am of being fat, so I'm not even going to go there this time...But I AM so sad I have let so many years slip by...
I am so overwhelmed at the idea of trying to lose at the VERY LEAST 80 pounds (in reality much more)... so the only focus I'm going to have right now so I don't freak myself out is to lose 20 pounds by Feb 1st. So here goes nothing!
Friday, November 12, 2010
1200 calories is the lowest end of my calorie range here on spark, and I also totally believe when they say no one should ever be going under 1200 calories. I am perfectly content eating 1200, but my question is, do you think that'll hurt me in the long run? Obviously, I will have no where to go in terms of lowering my calories if I hit a plateu and whatnot, but I will always have the option to amp up the exercise.
Any advice? Especially from sparkers who have already lost considerable amounts of weight, is your personal experience it's better to start on the higher end of the range and go down as time goes on? Or will I be fine just consistently eating that amount, and upping exercise when neccessary?
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