Wednesday, November 27, 2013
It is no secret that I just love Spark People. I love my Spark friends, I love the tools, I love the motivation, I love it all! I also enjoy blogging, that's probably why I have an excessive amount of them. I have been super off track lately, I have been honest and accountable about it... I have a had a reality check, a long hard talk to myself, I've done it all. I am aware that I'm in "all talk and no action mode"... but I just keep doing it.
So I thought to myself today I need some sort of punishment or consequence to being off track! Feeling my pants get a little tight should be punishment enough, but apparently it wasn't. So I decided that I needed a time out from Spark.
Now before you think you are getting rid of me, let me explain. My Spark time out is in reference to being able to blog. I really do enjoy it, and I've decided that I can not blog til I am back on track! To make sure that I am fully on track and not just having one good day, I need to have 5 days in my calorie range, tracking and measuring all food, exercising and getting in all my water. More importantly it must be 5 days in a row, not total. So with each slip up I will have to start over. The way I've been going I might not be able to blog for a month. But it was the only thing I could think of as a punishment.
I would never give up Spark in it's entirety because me getting back on track relies heavily on Spark. I need the nutrition and fitness trackers, and I need to be able to read other Spark Friends blogs and progress because that is where I get so much motivation! All of you continue to inspire me and remind me what is important! So there you have it... what could be my last blog of 2013 IF I don't get my act together. I wish you all nothing but continued success and a very happy holiday season! To all my US Spark Friends, I hope you have an amazing Thanksgiving!
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Warning: Tough love ahead! This is from myself to myself, this is just for my accountability and will probably have no interest for anyone else but if you are that bored you are more than welcome to read it ha ha! It might be a tad harsh in places, but it comes from a good place and I'm sturdy I can take it.
So apparently the last couple of reality checks fell on deaf ears. I see a lot of talk with no action. I keep hearing the following:
"I really need to stop eating like this... "
"I need to try harder to have better days."
"I am frustrated that I keep doing this, I'll do better tomorrow..."
Funny though, the thoughts are all there, even the action plans aren't too shabby, but then day in and day out you keep making poor choices. Why are you making these choices? I think it's a mixture of a few different reasons....
I think part of it is that you are so close to your goal weight (within 30 pounds) that you are getting nervous about getting to your goal and getting to maintenance. I also know that you plan on having a tummy tuck, and even though it is something you want it is also something super scary. I mean surgery, pain?! *SHRIEKS IN HORROR* I think sometimes you prolong this whole weight loss gig because of your future plans. Well knock it off! Don't worry about what you may or may not chose to do a year from now. Don't sabotage yourself just because you are afraid to reach your goals. I know you are afraid of what might change as you continue losing this weight. You have already lost a "best friend" because of your choices to lose weight, what else might you lose as you lose the rest of this weight? Your true friends and family will love you no matter what, so just remember the people that count will always be there for you. I know you worry that you don't know how to be a "normal sized" person, but I have a feeling it really isn't much different, other than the part where it's less physically exhausting because you don't have to lug around the extra weight. No matter what being "normal sized" might entail, I know you can figure it out!
I also know that "it's the Holidays" and that you absolutely love food. But is that an excuse? Not really. There are tons of people who love food and love the Holidays and enjoy them without gaining weight. There are even those Super Stars who lose weight during the holidays. Now I'm not going to lie to you, Holiday time does present extra obstacles, but with careful planning you could overcome it, you just simply chose not to.
I didn't want to go there, but today was the perfect example. You enjoyed lunch out with your Gammie and your Mom, you even shared some dessert with them. You indulged, but that really wasn't a huge deal. You could have easily been VERY careful the rest of the day and come out with a fairly decent day... but instead you used the idea that the day was already in the toilet, so why not just eat something super unhealthy for dinner too? In fact, I couldn't help but notice that you really let your healthy habits go out the window. You didn't weigh or track your food like you normally do. I have seen you use that food scale almost everyday for a year... so I know that you know how, again you CHOSE not to.
This weight loss journey is all about choices. Each day, each meal, each workout you chose to do or not is all based on your choices. No one can do this for you. You have support, you have the best Spark Friends in the world that continue to encourage you, but they can't do the work for you. They can't prepare your meals and slap unhealthy foods out of your hands... they can't come over and stand over you while you do your workout. They offer advice and support but you need to take that and do the work.
I feel like I shouldn't be having to tell you this right now... do you realize how awesome you are? You have lost 80 pounds! Not only have you lost the weight you have done it your way, on your own terms! How cool is that? You didn't follow any plans, you found a way that works for you and you put a lot of time and effort into it. You made some bad choices along the way but you made more good choices and that is what got you to where you are. So why do you continue to make bad choices? What is the benefit you are getting? I know you think the food is yummy, and I can imagine it tastes good... but does it make you feel good? I know it doesn't because you keep telling yourself you won't continue down this path, but you keep doing it. I know you aren't quitting but is being off track for an extended period of time just a stones throw away from quitting? It just might be! I have faith in you, and I know you will snap out of this, but I just really needed to express my concern for you right now. The pounds aren't piling themselves back on but it just looks like that is where you are headed, so if I could do anything to prevent it, I had to at least try!
Okay, I'm done talking to myself now. It might seem silly but it has helped me in the past, and all I know is I REALLY need the help right now. I will always fight for this, but I really need to start winning some of the battles. I have had months at a time where this was second nature to me and so easy, and I have had weeks where it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I know if I can make it past this rough time that I will find my way back to where things come easily. I just need to do the work to get back to that happy place. :)
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
When there were 49 days left in the year, I decided I would classify each day as good or bad based on my eating... I am now thinking I should rename the bad days evil days, just because it sounds more adorable! I also went ahead and marked 7, YES 7 "free days". This included Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years Eve and 2 of my 7 days in Vegas. I hoped that by feeling like I had a lot of "freedom" coming up that I would really push it to work harder on the other days. Well... it hasn't quite started off like I hoped. My only goal was to have more good days than bad at the end of the year. It sounded simple enough... I originally wanted a streak, but I have been struggling lately so that sounded too overwhelming.
Here's a recap so far:
As you can see, it's neck and neck with evil slightly in the lead! Still plenty of time to turn it around. My biggest obstacle at the moment is not letting the most recent evil day turn into a cluster. If I can have one evil day for every 3 good days, I will hit my goal with flying colors. My goal is to have the evil days be just one at a time, and to get farther and farther apart. I am learning that there is always going to be bumps in the road, but they can be fewer and farther between.
Day 7 was just awful, in every sense of the word. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong! As I was telling my Dad about some of it, he sarcastically said "Yep, I get it, the world is out to get you" and I very seriously responded "Yes, you finally understand!" That is how it felt today. I have no excuses for reacting by eating... everyone has bad days, and most people don't need to turn to food just because they have had a stressful day. I am an emotional/stress eater and it is an on going thing I deal with. Sometimes I have it under control, and sometimes I lose to it, this was obviously a battle I lost. But all I can do is learn from it and move forward. Maybe I need to take my learning a little more seriously though LOL. ;)
I also looked into my records, and this is a rough time of year for me (as it is for MANY). I lost no weight last year from Halloween through the end of January. I maintained within a 5 pound range. I started losing again in February but hit another bump in the road in April. It amazes me how much time on this journey I have spent struggling, it doesn't feel like that long. I guess I have blocked out some of the bad times, and there were also a lot of good times to compensate for those bad ones. At the time I remember feeling like a failure, maintaining within 5 pounds instead of losing. I remember being frustrated and upset with myself... but now that I have a little perspective, I think that's pretty darn good. To maintain within a 5 pound range during the holidays and to never give up and to continue to push towards my goals. Now don't get it twisted, I am not saying that so if I maintain through the holidays this year I can say "oh that's okay"... I am really making an effort to lose during the holidays, but at least I know this is my weakest time of year, and I am realizing it is going to take even more work than it usually does. EEK!
So I am that totally obnoxious girl who keeps referencing how long I've been on my weight loss journey. It is not to be like "oh look at me, this is how long I've been doing this!" It's to remind me that this journey is different than all my previous weight loss attempts, and to see how long I have been doing this without giving up. I have had TONS of previous weight loss attempts, and none lasted more than 3 months. I have actually been on Spark People off and on since 2009, but it has been 20 consistent months on this journey and logging into Spark almost everyday. Each time I feel like throwing in the towel, I have to remind myself how long and how hard I've been working.I don't want to throw away all that time and work just because "I don't feel like it". So that is a huge NSV for me, to still be here and still fighting for what I want.. and boy has it been a fight lately! My other NSV was taking a picture of myself and actually liking it and choosing to post it as my profile picture. I remember the day of taking 29 pictures and not liking any of them. I would either not post any at all or I would find the one that wasn't "as bad" as the other. It was such a fresh breath of air to look at a picture I just took and not cringe at the results! So even though I have been having a rough time with my eating, and I am struggling, I can still say I am feeling pretty happy lately and life is pretty good! It's good to be reminded that our happiness should not be linked to our weight or that horrible scale!
I hope everyone has a fabulous day! And here's to making Day 8 a good day!
Sunday, November 17, 2013
It has been no secret that I have been struggling lately. It is amazing how time can fly when you are off track. I told my friend a couple days ago that I had been eating like a pig for about a week. Then I realized it was actually two weeks! *DOH* I have been off track food wise since Halloween and the time was just flying on by without me even realizing it! Things started going downhill when I started trying to make this harder than it is. Weight loss is hard enough on it's own, why was I making it even more complicated?
I am now almost 20 months in (it does me good to keep track of how long, so I remember not to give up and throw away all of that time), and my plan and way of doing things was just fine. Was it a fancy plan? No. Was it the healthiest plan? I am the first to say no, my food choices were not always top notch. But it worked for me, I stuck with it longer than I have ever stuck with a weight loss "program" in the past, and I have lost more weight than I ever have before. So why did I keep trying to change it?
It is so hard, seeing all these new plans, exercises, ways of eating... you just get so over run with all this new information you start to question everything. I am always wondering in the back of my mind if there is a better, quicker, faster way to get this weight off. Between you and me I am sure that there are "faster and quicker" ways... but are they really better? I am learning that the best plan is the one that I can do and that I can stick with. I am done listening to other people telling me I simply must "try their plan"... I know in most cases they are so excited with their results that they can't help but pass out that information to everyone, and there is nothing wrong with that. I love learning about other peoples plans and what is working for them, but that doesn't mean I need to try their plan or make it my plan.
So I am getting back to basics, I am getting back to what worked for me and what keeps me sane in this long and sometimes tedious weight loss journey! I have identified my major problem these last 2 weeks and it is eating at the end of the night. My bed time is 5 or 6 am, and I have noticed that 2 - 4 am is the zone! That is when I want to eat, for the sake of eating. That is when the self saboteur senses I am at my weakest moment and I run to the kitchen and blow my hard days work in the matter of 20 minutes. How frustrating. That stops today. As of today, the kitchen is off limits as of 2 am. With my work schedule dinner is sometimes at 1 am, so this is perfect timing. Not only is the kitchen off limits at that time, but I will be either doing an exercise dvd or occupying my time somewhere far away from the kitchen so that I don't get tempted.
Not weighing in on the scale and not being a part of any weight loss challenges has really taken the stress out of this and I feel like I can just focus on me.
I also got some boots that I love and can actually walk in! Between being clumsy and having bad knees and a bad ankle, I have to be very choosy on the kind of shoes I get. I was able to walk in these with ease and they were actually pretty comfy!
These boots lead me to buy some new jeans, because most of mine flare out at the bottom and obviously I don't want those beauties covered up. The store had something called "curvy skinny jeans", I am pretty sure that makes no sense, but I didn't question it too much. I tried them on in a size 14 and I can pull them up I just can't zip or button as I am currently in a 16. I loved the jeans so much that I bought them in a 12 as well... that way I can remind myself that while getting into the size 14 is going to be exciting, it isn't my final destination. Since I am not weighing myself, trying these on periodically will be a great way to check out my progress. I look forward to posting a picture down the road when I can finally get into them! After being a size 24, 14 sounds too good to be true.
So back to basics, back to what works, no more nonsense and no more wasting time. If I want my weigh in on January 1st to still be in Onederland and not back in Twoterville, I need to get a grip!
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