Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Why is this time so different? Because I'm successful. I've crawled back at some low points, in fact, some of my lowest. Depression, band frustration, illness, stress, & just plain unhappiness. Were those the right points for me to get my health back on track? No, not for me.
Here I am now, a success. I now run my own businesses while working a part time job at a pre-school. I got my vet tech degree so I watch animals in my own home as well as in other peoples. I have an online beauty blog which has blown up for me. Its incredible & I am beyond proud. ( www.stephanielouiseatb.blogspot.com if you're interested!) I love my job working with the kids, they are so much fun & its a great way to break up my work in the day.
We are moved now. I know I said that 6 months ago, but it just wasn't true. I mean, getting a job less than 2 weeks after our stuff arrived probably wasn't my best plan. But guess what? It all worked out! Currently, my house is a battlefield but I have the summer off to get everything exactly how I want it.
My band is probably some cause for concern & I'm sure you are wondering how that is going. I promise to address that in a separate post soon! I hate to make this super long! I will be posting more frequently too, but I have lots of work as well. Did anyone ever tell you working from home can be a lot harder than working away? Its true!
Basically, I'm in a good place. Really good, better than I ever thought possible honestly. There's still some stuff I need to work through, but generally, I'm ready. I am ready to put me first again. So I'm going to eat my pineapple & workout tonight...& cook a healthy dinner. Check me out folks, I'm going places!
Friday, January 06, 2012
I took advice left on my last blog about not killing myself with stress for the holidays. Thank goodness I did, it was...dramatic. My husband's family isn't exactly comforting. However, I seriously don't want to get into it, so let's move on to the new horizon.
So, I remember what I did before. I really was doing well, but holy cow it seems like a lifetime ago. & I mean holy COW. I'll be starting from square one all over again, or like square negative 2? Something like that. Time to get back to planning meals, staying busy, & getting back to myself emotionally. I need to get back on my meds or all this is pointless. I'm planing to start tonight, sometimes they make me nauseous (usually worse) so I have to do this when I'm not going to be at work or driving.
I really should throw my band in there but I can't even deal with that right now. I have all kinds of fluid in it & although I think it works sometimes, it certainly isn't doing its job. I'm really disappointed in both it & myself for not keeping up with it & making it work. I guess its time to see a specialist here now that I have settled in. Probably doesn't help I have like a new 500 year old doctor who I need to get away from.
Now where I need the help. I learned that I have to do this one thing at a time, food/nutrition then working out. So I guess I need to ask for a hand. How do you get back on track? I've been off for so long it looks increasingly more difficult. Any suggestions?
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
This is going to get personal. If you remember me, I've really missed you guys. This is just a not-so-quick update. I dropped off around the time i got banded. I got banded in April which was scary but felt necessary. I have hypothyroidism and when I found out I was angry. No I was pissed beyond belief. Even my own body hated me...really? I wonder if the band was the right choice now. But more on that later.
I am not going to tip toe around it, I miscarried. We didn't know I was pregnant and weren't trying but it wrecked me. Again my body betrayed me and I was pissed and hurt and SO confused. Why? What did I do to make my body hate me? I want a baby more than ever now,more than I even thought possible. Its not time yet but I need to do everything I can for when that time finally comes.
Then we got orders. My first and his in the US as a couple...across the country to Offutt Air Force Base in Nebraska. Away from everything and everyone, the stress was excruciating. I guess this is the first time since getting here in September that this feels like home. Finally almost every box is unpacked and my mom visited for thanksgiving. I had no idea how much I needed that.
I'm scared because my life is different. I have multiple jobs now as opposed to none before. I pet sit, work at a preschool part time, & write a beauty blog ( www.stephanielouiseatb.blogspot.com ) which leaves very little time for me. I haven't smoked since last July which is ridiculously huge for me. I feel unbalanced though. I have been neglecting my medications and I don't know why. It makes all the depression and bad anxieties come back, and my heart condition feels less controlled.
I need to get my health focused again, my life means nothing if I'm not here to live it. Its time to remember why I started this journey in the first place. I cant wait to catch up with everyone and learn even more.
Friday, June 04, 2010
That is what my scale says this morning. 2.3.5.
I began this journey so long ago at 238. 3 pounds difference? THREE?
I have let myself go. I have messed up. & now, it is time to take responsibility for these mishaps and move on.
Today will be the first day I haven't crashed and burned on my meal plan. My plan is solid and I need this. My depression is spiraling out of control and my eating badly certainly isn't helping. Every time I've tried to "get back on the wagon" I've completely screwed up.
So here I am fessing up. I have to start at the beginning again.
I am stronger, wiser, and now I know what I'm working towards. I felt the change. I'm not going to set a number right now, but I am going to peel this weight off layer by layer.
I've let everything slide since he got home and I think I used him coming home as an excuse for a lot of it. I have let my homework slide, my home, and my appearance. Not just my weight either.
No more. I am back. I am 100%. I feel awful physically, but that is not a reason to slack on my nutrition. My back is out of commission currently...but that doesn't mean I have to eat Taco Bell...or at least BAD food from there.
The deployment was hard, but refocusing has been harder. Learning to live together again spikes up issues every once in awhile, but now that things are calmer I need to focus. I also know I need help. I need a lot of help. Medically, emotionally, and physically.
Here I am. Refreshed and renewed. Ready to do this all over again the right way!
Its hard and upsetting, and I'm still battling the frustration, but I know this is what I need to do.
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