Sunday, May 12, 2013
Grateful for SP! Grateful fo all of my SP friends! Grateful that food isn't a compulsion today! Such freedom I've found in my life a a result of joining this site.
It works if you work it!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Today, I am awe struck and so very grateful for the unfolding abundance in my life. I am oddly, at a loss for words. The only thing I can utter right this second is THANK YOU :-).
Friday, May 10, 2013
I've said it before, but it's so worth repeating...
Our thoughts and our words and our deeds are creative. Tell the Universe what you want and she is COMPELLED to give you exactly what you requested.
In a leap of faith...as if opening a soap and candle store less than a mile from the big blue menace, Walmart, wasn't faithful enough in this (or any) economy...I hired someone on Wednesday to cover a day for me so that I could return to some semblance of sanity in my extraordinarily hectic life. Scary. But on that very same day, I cleared DOUBLE what I need to do in sales daily to pay the bills...unheard of for a Wednesday, but I'll take it. Thursday's sales were even higher, and it seemed as though there was someone in this little shop all day long. (People love to hang out here...I serve free coffee and tea and we chat about how to fix our planet and our democracy. :-). But it was the first day this place was full ALL day since I opened in March. At one point I had seven customers in my 250 sq ft....lolol. Can you say 'standing room only'??? Then today, all prior to 3pm, I am on track to have another double-sales day and my store was full all morning. I am actually at risk of running out of soap today...lolol.
I was scared sh**less to hire someone...I was scared sh**less to even open this little shop, to be honest...but I did BOTH things, and it looks like it's gonna be OKAY!
I told my husband when we opened The Soap Box that I felt like I was jumping off a cliff...and that I was either gonna crack the earth below, or I was gonna grow wings.
Right this second, my back feels a little itchy...lololol. :-)
It's the same with recovery. I just have to do the next, right thing. I have to tell the Universe, not just with my lips, but with my attitude and my food choices that I want to recover, that I want to be healthy, that I'm sick of being this big. She is gonna give me EXACTLY what I ask for. I know THIS like I KNOW MY NAME!! Healthy and fit...I'm comin' for YOU!!!!
Thursday, May 09, 2013
Today, my shop's website has been updated with my new 'summer hours', which include Wednesday as 'closed' and a 10am open time for Thursday and Friday! I hired Ariel, who will be covering the shop on Sundays, beginning May 19th. It works for her and it works for me.
I did it! I made a decision, and I followed through with the correct action. I'm proud of myself :-).
I feel a million times lighter already, just knowing I now have some room to breathe in my life. It feels REALLY good!
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
I am a FIRM believer in the notion that my thoughts are creative...that all thought is creative. What we think becomes what we speak. What we speak becomes what we do. And what we DO, creates our reality and the world in which we all live. I am extremely hesitant to give negativity any space in my head or on my tongue. However, ignoring reality in a effort to remain positive isn't healthy either. It actually makes me CRAZY. So in an effort to clear out the cobwebs, I am going to state some facts and, a plan to change what isn't working. What I am about to share should not be construed as negativity; I am not complaining. It is simply the truth...truth that will be changing TODAY.
My life is overwhelming right now. I have worked seven days a week since the beginning of the year in an effort to keep most of my regular paycheck AND start a brand new retail business. Not only do I work seven days a week, I MAKE all of the product I sell in the store. When I am not a nurse for my two 12 hour shifts, I am at the store for nine hours. Then I have to come home and MAKE soap, MAKE candles, MAKE deodorant and salt scrubs and all the stuff I sell in my shop. I hold classes and host meetings. I am NEVER, EVER not working. Even 'hippie hour' is work some days. This is an IMPOSSIBLE expectation for ANYONE. I am completely OVERWHELMED in every moment because there really is ALWAYS something to do.
And although I am married to a wonderful man, he is a man, none the less. It hasn't occurred to him to do a single load of laundry, vacuum a single rug in OUR home, dust a table or change the bed sheets ONCE since this all began. The only time recently he was willing to do any of those things is because I LOST MY MOTHER-F***ING MIND on him and practically had a nervous breakdown right in our kitchen one night when I came home from the clinic at 7:30PM to a sink full of dishes, a dog who hadn't been fed, his dirty clothes in the bathroom and I STILL HAD 2 HOURS of candlemaking to do!!! I am the chief cook and bottlewasher at home and THAT has got to come to a screeching halt. I pay the bills. I do the shopping. I DO EVERYTHING and I cannot do it anymore. I told him if I'm going to FEEL alone, then I'm going to BE alone. I will not take care of a 42 year old man-child! His unwillingness to see the disparity in our workloads is a source of pain for me which is barely describable. I take his inaction PERSONALLY, whether I should or shouldn't. Love is a VERB to me. And if he can't show me with his actions that he loves me, I don't want to hear it out of his mouth. We made a recent discovery as to WHY this is his behavior, but if he isn't willing to do something about this issue, we really don't have a future together. My business operates in the black every month and I will not share my success with someone who TORTURED me every step of the way toward it. He owns two businesses and I am constantly asked to intervene on his behalf in the areas in which my talents lie. I may not like doing it, but I have NEVER turned down his requests to assist in his business affairs. I cannot abide the inequality in our situations. So I may not be married to him when all of this is over, and that is so very disappointing to me. It is a burden I carry in my heart, in the background. All the presence in the world doesn't make it disappear.
This is how I've been walking around for MONTHS...and then I decide to throw RECOVERY into the mix. Food is what made all of this emotionally BEARABLE for me. And one month without my normal coping mechanism has got me beside myself. In addition to the fact that recovery is WORK. Proper food preparation is WORK. Time for myself to workout and be still is WORK. And I didn't have another minute to spare.
So here's what's up. This is the plan. I still have to work at the clinic 7-7 on Monday and Tuesday, but effective June 1...WEDNESDAY is my day off from having to be ANYWHERE work related. I will use Wednesday morning to make product for the store at my leisure, with no one in the house to disrupt me. The store will be closed and my customers will get used to it. It's not like I sell emergency items. I sell soap and candles. These items can just as easily be bought Thursday through Sunday. Wednesday afternoon will be my bi-weekly mani-pedi day or my monthly massage day. I take NO PILLS OF ANY KIND, so for me, those activities are my medicine PERIOD! That's it. I need this...I deserve this and I'm not gonna make it, without this change.
Also effective June 1, I will have a friend who needs some work run the shop on Sundays and I will have a day OFF. I may need to shop for or prepare food for the week, but I enjoy those things when I'm not trying to beat a clock, so that's fair.
I will continue to hold my husband accountable for our decision to get help for the issues which keep him paralyzed from helping me with basic, household tasks and spending quality together-time. He doesn't get a pass just because I'm going to have a few spare minutes now. I want him. I want this marriage. And we really have to fix this problem if we're going to make it. I won't walk away without knowing that I did everything I could do to facilitate that.
That's my new schedule. That's my new reality. I cannot and will not sabotage my efforts to recover...no matter the cost! This is MY life. I decide what happens in it. And today, I'm making better, saner choices for myself.
Hitting 'POST BLOG ENTRY' makes this real...so here it goes....
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