Monday, April 22, 2013
15 POUNDS LOST, so much confidence and hope and relief gained!! I see a future..living....not just existing, waiting for the next meal, the next binge. I actually get stuff done now...which is a good thing since I work a job, run a retail shop, make all the product I sell in the shop AND take care of my family...lol. Thank baby Jesus I found SP. I couldn't do any of that without it.
I love SP. I love my friends here. I love sharing with others who struggle that there's something I found that really works for me. I love myself again...which is the best part of all!
Sunday, April 21, 2013
And I love gratitude. It is the prayer I say daily. Why get on my knees and beg, when I can stand in gratitude for what is!!!!
I found myself writing this to a fellow SP friend today. I have felt this way for many years, but today, this thought BECAME something I shall tell myself in word. I always watched religious people pray, and while I get it, I really do, I have always preferred to assume that the Energy that put me here has already given me everything I need. I may not WANT what I have, but I have a faith that assures me that regardless of what it is, if it's here, I NEED it.
I have also always felt that my best prayers are my actions. It has seemed to me that so many of us plant corn with our deeds, and then get on our knees and beg for potatoes. I vowed to not practice that type of futility. MY ACTIONS every minute, every day are my only true prayer. I can expect to reap what I sow. So today, I sow seeds of surrender and acceptance about this thing I have with food. I practice abstinence and my program as my prayer. My answer shall most certainly be health of not just body, but of mind and spirit too. Why beg to become what I already AM? What I AM is grateful...for this recovery...moment by moment.
Happy Sunday :-)
Saturday, April 20, 2013
I hate to admit I'm a copy cat, but I did something last night so out of character, I just had to confess. One of our sisters on SP, Leela (LCHADBOURNE) has pics on her page of her butterflies, which she got tattooed on her back and shoulder for every ten pounds she lost on SP. SHE HAS 14 BUTTERFLIES!!!! Do the math. This chick rocks and inspired me to do something similar. I've been thinking about this idea since I saw it a week ago, and after hippie hour last night, I went to the best tattoo parlor in town and I got my first star of a planned 14 stars. I'm not a tattoo person, but I LOVED the idea of the PERMANENCE of such a statement. See, I've done this already, as some of you know. I lost 160 pounds in my early 30's and went from 347 to 182. I maintained that loss for almost 8 YEARS!!! Then, for reasons I can only describe as an explanation, but not as an excuse, I started putting the weight back on in 2007. 100 pounds later, here I sit with you amazing people, doing this all over again. BUT THIS IS THE LAST F'ING TIME I'M DOING THIS!!! So I am going to tattoo this journey on my right arm...the one that has shoveled crazy amounts of calories into my pie hole for the last six years, star by star, ten pounds by ten pounds, as a blessed reminder of the power that arm holds over me and the place I will never go back to again! I'm not saying we should all run out and get tatted up. But think of something with which you can memorialize your own journey. Something that says...I WILL NEVER,EVER, NEVER BE IN THIS SPOT AGAIN!
I love you all. Thank you for making this possible for me! And thank you for the kick-a** idea, Leela! You are a ROCK STAR!
Friday, April 19, 2013
So here I sit in my shop, waiting for my 'hippie hour' crew to show up (billed as happy hour with a PURPOSE!) staring at a sky outside ready to open up a torrent of rain, with the Matisyahu blaring:-). This is something I do every Friday from 4-6p for my customers, friends and those of like mind. We have table wine and/ or green tea and we discuss how we can fix this broke-a** government, planet and economy of ours. I have my theories and I do a great job of communicating that vision, and people have responded so strongly. I'm amazed by these people on a daily basis.
But today, as I filled my glass, I realized I have so much more to toast this week! I actually woke up today so fired up about what I see as the answer to our ills, I wrote a letter to the Editor of the local paper, I fired off a couple emails to my three reps/ sen's in Wash, DC (as if that helps...NOT) and I committed to get my message into my community at any cost.
Well, today has been my biggest sale day since I opened on March 2....lololol. All that fire from this morning apparently caught on! I believe heartily in the law of attraction, and the folks who walked through this door today left my shop as true believers in the cause, and for that, I couldn't be happier.
However, at the end of today, the best thing that's happening right now is that I KNOW I CAN ACTUALLY DO ALL OF THIS!!! I feel so connected to, attuned to and capable of the miriad changes I'm in the process of making right now...in my mind, on my body and in my neighborhood.
So tonight, I raise my glass to me... and to this journey, inside and out!
And I raise my glass to my SP family, who has held my hand on every step I've taken to fix me since I found you all last Wednesday!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Today I woke up super excited..about what, I have no idea...lolol. I guess it's just this SP thing and what it has meant to me in the last week. I feel CAPABLE again. The veil of food addiction blurs so much of who and what I am, that I guess I lost sight of so many wonderful and amazing things I can be and do. This last year has been a whirlwind of tremendous change and growth for me. I'm weening myself off of a 28 year career in medicine, I started my own business from my home last year and today as I write this, I am sitting in my very own retail shop, where I sell what I make and I help my community realize that TOGETHER, we can change the health of our planet and the obnoxious amount of corporate money in our politics. I AM STARTING A REVOLTution!!!
And yet, this entire time, I've felt like a faker, like a wanna-be. Because, despite the fact that I pushed my way through everything it took to get here; despite the fact that this business is successful because people like my product and LOVE the message, ONLY I knew what I did once I got home. Once home, and behind my front door, I turned off the smile and plopped in the recliner, exhausted mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. And that's when it got really ugly. I ATE. I ATE innordinate amounts of food. I ate past full, I ate to push out the doubt and the fear and the discomfort of the uncertainty this new endeavor was bringing to my life. I was terrified and unsure and full of self-doubt. But I LOVE it. It is indeed my passion. It is what I was put here to do. And I couldn't keep doing it...AND keep eating.
So, sitting in my shop last week, surfing the web, I read an online profile at AOL about a huge weight loss for one lady. She so graciously shared that SP was what got her to the beautiful face and place she was at now. I decided I had to try it. I logged in, signed up...and there you all were. Carrying me those first couple days until I could walk on my own. And now I'm running...flying toward this new life I've created with energy, excitement, and confidence in my ability to carry out the goals and challenges set before me.
SP gave me all of that, and so much more. I am EXCITED about today. I am EXCITED by who I am. I am EXCITED for what's coming in my life :-).
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