Saturday, August 31, 2013
Today I stand smack in the middle of two different realities...
My mother became my financial responsibility earlier this month. This places me in a position to have to return to full time employment in order to cover her expenses. That means, I can no longer to afford to work at The Soap Box for free. My little business pays for itself, but is not yet income producing for me. I have NO DOUBT it would be some day, based on what I've seen it do thus far. This little shop is a MIRACLE in progress, for sure. Unfortunately, time is not a luxury Ray and I have right now.
In explaining to my 'real-job' boss, Tracey and my Landlady, Chris the current state of my situation, EVERYTHING I need to go do what I have to do TODAY has been handed to me...without a moment's hesitation. I have been offered full time hours at my job, by combining two of our clinics' needs. Chris has already found another person to go into my shop, if I decide that's what I want, and offered to let me out of my lease, to return my full deposit and apply my last month's rent to September. She REFUSED to take my check today until Ray and I figure out how we should proceed. Yesterday, two of the women who own businesses in our little strip plaza...women who ONLY know me from being here for the last six months, offered to run my store FOR FREE while I do what I have to do to make this work for my mother.
This is what these four women said...
they love me.
they are so sorry for what has happened.
if there is ANYTHING else they can do to help, just say the word.
They didn't even know me before this!! I have spent so much time in tears since yesterday, I didn't even put on mascara today. And strangely enough, the tears don't even come from the perceived loss I'm facing right now. The tears come from the OUTPOURING of love and support I couldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams...all from people who owe me NOTHING. My family hasn't made these offers...lolol...not even the mother, for whom I am closing my shop. That just strikes me as so very odd.
Anyway...I am getting EXACTLY what I need...in the moment I need it. I have some talking to do with Ray and with Ariel, who is contemplating purchasing the store. But the MIRACLE of what has happened this week is so very OVERWHELMING to me!!! I don't really know how to thank these people, except as they say...'Keep being you, Stephi!. That's how you can thank us.'
I don't even know what to say to that, except...I shall...I promise.
Thank you Tracey! Thank you Chrissy! Thank you Sherry! Thank you Wanda! Thank you Source! And thank you Spark Friends, for your continued love, support and encouragement!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Today I woke up with an overwhelming, overflowing of love. I carried it with me on my walk with the Poochey and shared it with my neighbors on their way to work. I took it to The Soap Box and I gave it away to strangers and friends. I brought it on Spark and spread it all around. I called my brother and wrapped him up in it. To be honest, I had a hard time laying some on my Mom when she showed up at the shop, but I did the best I could. I got home and gave as much as I could to my HandsomeMan. I made sure I made myself feel it today too.
And the funniest part about all of that is...I still have an overabundance of the stuff! LOLOLOL. I've always believed that when it comes to any part of our Spiritual journey, we have to give it away to keep it...whatever the 'It' is. But to give it away and wind up with more...that really is a MIRACLE to me :-).
LOVE...it really is all we need. :-) It really is the answer...
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
I am so grateful for Spark Friends today. I am so grateful to be recovering here. I am so grateful that food is not the answer or the boss ANYMORE :-).
Thank you to every one of you who walks down this road with me! Thank you for sharing yourselves so honestly, so openly and so generously!! I love you...each and every one!
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Today I am grateful for so much.
This life I live really is nothing short of a miracle.
A Friend of ours made a statement here on Spark the other day about how she never saw the magic all around her. I can relate to that on a certain level these days.
The more I lose, the more grateful I become for what remains. Because I have discovered this reality. Most of what I had, the things that I was convinced were so valuable and important...turn out not to be neither valuable NOR important. That is a HUGE revelation...but it doesn't even end there.
Because as these frivolous things fly, fly away, it turns out that what is left...is ALL that really matters in the world. What remains has an enormous value I could not see as clearly. It has an importance I underestimated. The THINGS in my life kept me from the only part of my life that really matters. The energy it took to get the 'things'...the stress associated with losing the 'things'...the sacrifice of my soul to maintain the 'things'...ALL of this energy took me away from CONNECTION with the people the Universe sends my way.
My family, my friends, even strangers are more colorful, more alive to me suddenly. I am making a concerted effort to re-establish relationships and connections I was always 'too busy' to maintain and foster. I am more willing to make a new friend, instead of throwing up a barrier with the idea that I just don't have the time or energy to spend on anyone new.
And I'm having a FREAKING blast!! :-)
Cheap wine tastes way better around a fire in the yard when it's combined with the love and laughter of someone baring their soul and sharing their heart. I'll take a slice of pizza with a friend in need at the kitchen counter, over a gourmet meal at a crowded restaurant ANY day. Coffee, in the quiet of the garden every morning with my Puppy, tastes so much sweeter than it ever did before, now that I realize the garden isn't at the house I'm losing. 'My garden' is wherever I am, with a quiet mind, and a humble and grateful heart.
I'm letting it all go...and I've never felt so full in my life. There is a richness in relationship and connection, that doesn't exist ANYWHERE ELSE in the world. I had no idea!
WE...you and me...us and them...all of us...together...WE are what it's all about. It's who I am. It's why I'm here. My connections are the fullness of life on this plane for me.
Thank you for the connections you share with me HERE on SPARK! I need you and I want you and I love you...every last one of you!! :-)
Monday, August 26, 2013
That really is a misnomer...lolol. I did something yesterday that scared the living sh*t out of me. I was crying...and shaking...and hearing a voice tell me I must be crazy...the entire time I made myself do this 'fearless' thing. And I learned a BRAND NEW lesson...lolol...at the ripe old age of 45.
SOMETIMES, A 'FEARLESS' ACT CAN BE TERRIFYING.
I have lived fearlessly. I have, through all of life's twists and turns...while 'asleep' and 'awake'...done the UNTHINKABLE over the years, when compared to my family and my circle of friends. I have done things that would scare the living hell out of a normal person, without a second thought sometimes, and always without an ounce of fear. I'm sure we all have at some point...been 'fearless'.
But I never knew that I could be fearless, while scared to death at the same time. So my thought process has changed about that word. Fearless no longer means unafraid to me. It means that even when I would rather do anything else in the world...even when what I'm doing makes me feel like I'd rather die...I do it anyway. And that makes me COURAGEOUS!
I heard it long ago...and I've never forgotten it:
COURAGE IS NOT THE ABSENCE OF FEAR.
COURAGE IS BEING SCARED TO DEATH, AND DOING IT ANYWAY.
In retrospect, I didn't just learn a new lesson yesterday. I saw something NEW about myself that I'd NEVER seen before. And I like it :-). I attribute this fearless act to my recovery on SPARK. The veil has been lifted, over my time spent on these pages...and EVERYTHING is possible now. :-)
I love you all so very much for the gift you give me, by recovering too. :-)
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