Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Today I am grateful for so much.
This life I live really is nothing short of a miracle.
A Friend of ours made a statement here on Spark the other day about how she never saw the magic all around her. I can relate to that on a certain level these days.
The more I lose, the more grateful I become for what remains. Because I have discovered this reality. Most of what I had, the things that I was convinced were so valuable and important...turn out not to be neither valuable NOR important. That is a HUGE revelation...but it doesn't even end there.
Because as these frivolous things fly, fly away, it turns out that what is left...is ALL that really matters in the world. What remains has an enormous value I could not see as clearly. It has an importance I underestimated. The THINGS in my life kept me from the only part of my life that really matters. The energy it took to get the 'things'...the stress associated with losing the 'things'...the sacrifice of my soul to maintain the 'things'...ALL of this energy took me away from CONNECTION with the people the Universe sends my way.
My family, my friends, even strangers are more colorful, more alive to me suddenly. I am making a concerted effort to re-establish relationships and connections I was always 'too busy' to maintain and foster. I am more willing to make a new friend, instead of throwing up a barrier with the idea that I just don't have the time or energy to spend on anyone new.
And I'm having a FREAKING blast!! :-)
Cheap wine tastes way better around a fire in the yard when it's combined with the love and laughter of someone baring their soul and sharing their heart. I'll take a slice of pizza with a friend in need at the kitchen counter, over a gourmet meal at a crowded restaurant ANY day. Coffee, in the quiet of the garden every morning with my Puppy, tastes so much sweeter than it ever did before, now that I realize the garden isn't at the house I'm losing. 'My garden' is wherever I am, with a quiet mind, and a humble and grateful heart.
I'm letting it all go...and I've never felt so full in my life. There is a richness in relationship and connection, that doesn't exist ANYWHERE ELSE in the world. I had no idea!
WE...you and me...us and them...all of us...together...WE are what it's all about. It's who I am. It's why I'm here. My connections are the fullness of life on this plane for me.
Thank you for the connections you share with me HERE on SPARK! I need you and I want you and I love you...every last one of you!! :-)
Monday, August 26, 2013
That really is a misnomer...lolol. I did something yesterday that scared the living sh*t out of me. I was crying...and shaking...and hearing a voice tell me I must be crazy...the entire time I made myself do this 'fearless' thing. And I learned a BRAND NEW lesson...lolol...at the ripe old age of 45.
SOMETIMES, A 'FEARLESS' ACT CAN BE TERRIFYING.
I have lived fearlessly. I have, through all of life's twists and turns...while 'asleep' and 'awake'...done the UNTHINKABLE over the years, when compared to my family and my circle of friends. I have done things that would scare the living hell out of a normal person, without a second thought sometimes, and always without an ounce of fear. I'm sure we all have at some point...been 'fearless'.
But I never knew that I could be fearless, while scared to death at the same time. So my thought process has changed about that word. Fearless no longer means unafraid to me. It means that even when I would rather do anything else in the world...even when what I'm doing makes me feel like I'd rather die...I do it anyway. And that makes me COURAGEOUS!
I heard it long ago...and I've never forgotten it:
COURAGE IS NOT THE ABSENCE OF FEAR.
COURAGE IS BEING SCARED TO DEATH, AND DOING IT ANYWAY.
In retrospect, I didn't just learn a new lesson yesterday. I saw something NEW about myself that I'd NEVER seen before. And I like it :-). I attribute this fearless act to my recovery on SPARK. The veil has been lifted, over my time spent on these pages...and EVERYTHING is possible now. :-)
I love you all so very much for the gift you give me, by recovering too. :-)
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Today was a train wreck with food. I did something completely fearless...something positive, for sure...but completely out of my comfort zone, and it freaked me out. And I let that wreck my abstinence today.
I didn't even manage to have anything I really enjoyed...lol...I just ate to avoid how I felt. I ate because I let my mind go to tomorrow, next week, next month...to a future that doesn't even exist. I stopped myself when I realized what I was doing, but I got mindless for a bit and I lost my abstinence for a while.
I know what I do here is IMPERATIVE to my mental, physical and spiritual health. That awareness alone has brought me back to the Present moment. If tomorrow comes...it will be BRAND NEW :-). I am GRATEFUL beyond measure for that reality :-).
But today was bad. And I have to be honest about that. So that was today. And it's over :-).
I love you ALL so much for what you give here on SPARK. Thank you for your support, encouragement and love :-). I CANNOT do this alone!
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Last evening when I got home from Hippie Hour...the one where I was asked would I give EVERYTHING up to get where I was going?...Ray and I took Smokey for a walk. When we got out of the driveway, he turned to me and asked...
'Why can't you be more motivational?!?!'
Quizzically, I looked at him and laughed and asked, 'What do you mean?'
He began to tell me a story about a house to which he delivered some construction supplies earlier in the day. He said that the property was a spec house that had just been completed and was sold for $26 million in Palm Beach on the ocean. He stated that no one had ever lived in it, but the new owner, someone 99% of us know of by name, had plopped down the dough, and then proceeded to rip the place apart. Ray said the backyard pool was being torn out and replaced with an infinity pool, the size of which he had never seen, even at the local country clubs to which he occasionally delivers supplies. He said the pool was larger than our 2100 sq ft house, and was probably a half an acre, based on his best determination. Aside from the swimming pool, there was a 'chill pool' the owner ALSO had constructed for his elaborate outdoor sauna. The chill pool is a 4ft x 4ft deep well that goes down 8ft, and is kept at 60 degrees, so that when the owner steps out of his sauna, he can drop down into this little body of water to cool off. However, the building inspector explained to Ray that the sauna was not code compliant and that it was going to have to be moved indoors. Another re-construction project, and another waste of money. DH also decribed that the second floor of the house was being ripped out and redone, despite the fact that it was ALL brand new construction...again, having never been lived in. So, on top of the base cost of the home, the 'improvements' and reconstruction had to be in and around another $10 million, if not more...all in all, $36 million for a house.
I listened quietly. Ray only stopped talking when he saw the tears spilling over my cheeks.
You see, the owner, whom I personally have nothing against, is a man who makes a living traveling the world, holding seminars where he speaks, and walks on hot coals. He is a celebrated author and his primary goal is showing people their 'inner winner'. Get the job you want, get the mate you want, get the parking space you want...just pay me oodles of money to tell you the 'secret'. Well, good for you TR...make your paper boo-boo! My tears were not over the obvious inequity between Tony and his 'followers'. My tears were not because I thought, 'why can't you do that, Steph?' My tears came from this realization...
PEOPLE ARE STARVING FOR THE TRUTH. PEOPLE ARE DESPERATE FOR THE WAY. PEOPLE WILL GIVE ANYTHING TO REALIZE WHO THEY ARE AND WHY THEY ARE HERE.
And people like Mr Robbins make a f*cking fortune...so much money that they have to build a chill pool next to the half-acre pool so they can cool down after they make themselves hot.
I am losing EVERYTHING...gratefully :-). And I know what everyone wants to know.
I wrote a book about this very thing, and gave it away for free. I am, AS I SIT HERE, writing curriculum for classes to show people the Way, and struggling with charging $10 for each class to cover the cost of supplies.
I cried for the attitude we so frequently have that says, 'I'm a git mine, regardless of the cost to my Brother.' I cried because the REAL secret is...THE ANSWER IS ALREADY IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US!!!! It's not that we don't KNOW...it's that we can't REMEMBER who we are and why we're here! And people with NO CLUE about those two truths are out there...blind leading the blind...making so much money they don't even know what to do with it!
I don't routinely get pissed off. I truly use acceptance and surrender to circumvent the propensity to take sh*t personally and get angry about it. But today, I'm a little miffed. So, as usual, instead of staying that way, I just decided to do something about it.
I sent 'the dream' to two literary agencies today. I don't know what will happen...but it made me feel better. If you've read the book, and you thought it was useful...send it some light and love.
I don't want money. I want to live in a Universe that's like this SPARKiverse we visit every day. I want to live in a world full of the light and the love each of us possesses INHERENTLY, and shares with EVERYONE we meet.
Of course, Ray was kidding with his initial question. But the verbiage wasn't lost on me, being a 'SPARK People Motivator' and all...lolol.
Sorry for the tangent...but it it is my truth today.
It could be funny...if it weren't so sad.
Why can't I be more motivational, INDEED?!?!
Friday, August 23, 2013
Hippie Hour was CELESTIAL today...no other way to put it. The right people ALWAYS show up here, just when they're supposed to.
Here's tonght's theme, in question form. The query was NOT posed by me, but rather, was 'delivered' by an acquaintance. who is obviously, now a Brother...
Are you willing to give up EVERYTHING, in order to get where you are going?
He was relaying a story about a deceased friend, from who's funeral he just left, before coming to the shop. He has NO IDEA what's happening in my life right now.
HE got free soap for being so on point... ;-)~~~~
SEE?!?!?! This place CANNOT be shut down!! LOLOLOL...it is MAGIC!!! :-)
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