Tuesday, July 30, 2013
I received the answer to my question from yesterday, this morning while in the garden reading the Tao. Chapter 27 was today's read and it goes like this:
A good traveler has no fixed plans
and is not intent upon arriving.
A good artist lets his intuition
lead him wherever it wants.
A good scientist has freed himself of concepts
and keeps his mind open to what is.
Thus the Master is available to all people
and doesn't reject anyone.
She is ready to use all situations
and doesn't waste anything.
This is called embodying the light.
What is a good man but a bad man's teacher?
What is a bad man but a good man's job?
If you don't understand this, you will get lost,
however intelligent you are.
It is the great secret.
Monday, July 29, 2013
I have tried to write this blog THREE different times today. Each time, I permitted fear to stop me from posting it.
To be honest, I questioned myself today, quite poignantly about my sanity. It 'looks like' I'm losing my mind. Because what's been happening in me lately just isn't normal. And today, it made me wonder if I was crazy.
I was so incredibly grateful today for a job I can no longer stand to do. I ask questions in my mind and the answers come from somewhere else. I am losing everything that's supposed to be important to a person, and I have more peace and joy than I have ever experienced in my entire life. I blogged a week or so ago about my GRATITUDE for food addiction...GRATITUDE...for this thing I have hated about my existence, since I was a little girl.
I very seriously wondered earlier this afternoon if perhaps I am psychotic or manic depressive. I typed out the question, 'am I losing my mind?' at around 3pm, in my first attempt at this daily blog. And I heard Her again...I heard Her say deep, deep inside of me, and I watched as the words spilled out onto the screen...
'of course you're losing your mind. that's what you came here to do. it's the thing you must lose in order to find your soul'.
I closed the blog window.
I tried to avoid this two more times in order to post a blog today, but I can't. This is what happened. I could lie about it and just say I had a great day, which I did, so that part is true. But today, I really, really wondered if I'm just crazy. And as I get ready to go to bed right now, I still don't have an answer. Am I insane or is this what it feels like to become my Intended Self? Or is it both? Is becoming the thing you were created to be...a spiritual being having a human experience...the same as going crazy? And if it is, who cares? Isn't crazy just a label too? What makes it different than any other adjective, really? It's completely subjective. Maybe all of those people in the asylums are really the sane ones and we're all the nut cases out here killing and mistreating each other and the planet. Doesn't sound like the way a sane person behaves, now that I think about it. We really are quite sociopathic as a species, if you look at the facts of how we navigate our lives here.
Anyway...can't get off on that tangent. I just spent some time today wondering what's happening to me...what's REALLY happening. I suppose time will tell, better than anything else. I'll stay in the present for now, as it really is all I've got and right now, today, I'm fine.
I know this one thing for sure. If this IS crazy, it feels really good. I am free from the trappings of humanity...and I am full of peace and joy and love. I don't know that I would ever want to go back to 'sane' again.
I don't want to post this, but it was my truth today.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Just another amazing day in Paradise. :-)
I recently tweaked my program now that I've passed the three month probation??...lolol...and found that even by lowering my caloric intake, I'm still getting plenty to eat. Should be interesting at the scale tomorrow. ;-)
I chopped off all of my hair and I look like a little platinum pixie...lolol. Less to hide behind...more light shining :-). I like it. My DH stopped in his tracks when I got all gussied up last night for a local fete. It made me smile ear to ear. He hasn't done THAT in a really long time. I was happier for him than I was for me...lolol. He's a good man and he deserves to have me be the woman I am now in the inside. Those two make a GREAT pair :-).
Recovery has saved my life...in so many more ways than I can count. Every day I am more and more grateful for and humbled by the power of the mind and the Spirit. :-).
(thanks, Holley ;-)~~
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Today I woke up with an incredible feeling of fullness. And by that I mean the good kind of full. Full of peace. Full of joy. Full of love. Full of GRATITUDE for the mere fact that I am HERE. Sure, sh*t's flyin' around here and there, but you know what...I can't look at the alternative anymore as 'that shouldn't be happening'. I really am learning that the ONLY alternative that exists in REALITY is this...that I could not be here to HAVE the experience.
Seeing things that way puts EVERYTHING in such a different perspective. Dare I say, it places it in its PROPER perspective.
Because THIS lesson I have learned. BEING here...in this realm, dimension, world, whatever you wish to call it, comes with no inherent right or pre-disposition or guarantee of comfort, security or safety. In fact, this WHOLE thing is a CRAP SHOOT...lolol. Really...it's not supposed to be a tiptoe through the tulips. It's an amusement park ride. I'm gonna scream, I will LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH, I may even soil my vestments...lolol. Becoming too invested in this ride I take on Earth is like getting on a roller coaster at Disney World and acting as if that's REAL and the REST of my life! Who the hell would do that besides a crazy person?!?! We get on the ride and we WILLINGLY place ourselves at peril, because we have an expectation and even an assumption that the ride shall eventually come to an end, and we'll get off the ride and go back to the real world.
And so it is with this thing I call 'life'. I came here...willingly...in my humble opinion. (I would go so far as to say I even picked this particular ride.) I got in my seat. I put on my safety belt (mates, houses, careers, ). And I AGREED that I would not get to know anything about the experience until it was ACTUALLY happening for me. I knew it would include a whole host of emotions, gains and losses, and I took the ride anyway. But what I know now...what I have accepted as I've awakened...is that just as that roller coaster screeches to a halt, so shall this ride called life. And the REAL me will get up, walk away and say...'DAMN, that was fun!!, So glad I was willing to take the ride!'
Experiencing the emptiness of ego I have had these last few days has FILLED my core with all of the things I REALLY am in this world and in eternity! The peace and joy and love with which I was created are so prominent today, it's overwhelming. I feel so completely connected to my surroundings...the people, places and even the situations which most people would agree should have me in a straight jacket...that even the breeze feels like the arms of the Creator, wrapping me in warmth and security. Ain't no house in the world that has ever made me feel THIS safe :-).
So I let it go...fly, fly away little house...I release you! Because you were never really mine, anyway. It's all on loan...every last bit of this existence...even the people I love :-).
I really get it today...I really do. I feared the admonition from all of our greatest prophets to "lose your 'self' and gain your soul". That trade-off actually terrified me up until recently. But it is a FREEDOM and a RELEASE that provides an indescribable REALITY. Today I don't just FEEL peace, joy and love...I AM peace, joy and love!
I am very much my Intended Self today. I like her...I like her a lot. I AM WILLING to do what I need to do to keep her around!
Letting it all go really does make me FULL :-).
Friday, July 26, 2013
I am reminded today of how much my existence on Earth is benefited by practicing my recovery program on a daily basis. EVERYTHING in this life that a human being can experience is only IMPROVED and INTENSIFIED by wrestling our demons to the ground and saying 'you will NOT win today'. Compulsive behavior, regardless of the drug of choice, is sooo detrimental to our EXPERIENCE while in this plane, in this physical form.
EVERY experience we have while here is DULLED and DIMINISHED when it is had through the haze of compulsion. Good news is not AS good and bad news is WORSE news when we indulge our lesser selves, our ego.
I will lose and I will win; I will find it necessary to give in, give up and give over many things during the remainder of my time on Earth. I will receive love and comfort and growth before I leave this planet. We ALL will. But I want to do all of that while SOBER and SANE. No more haze...no more hiding. No more hell for me.
I want to send an incredible amount of love out into the Universe for our friend, Martina in Germany (HEXE63). She is staring down the barrell of incredible loss...one all of us know eventually, if we are fortunate enough to live that long. I want her to know and feel her power, and her perserverance, and her priority to keep herself sober and sane today. She deserves that presence, and so does her family. Nothing REAL ever leaves us, Sweetheart! I love you, Marti!
Send her some love too, if you can! :-)
Get An Email Alert Each Time STEFIGURL Posts