Saturday, July 20, 2013
I have to start by once again expressing what an amazing place this is and what an INCREDIBLE group of friends you all are!! So much WISDOM, so much AWARENESS, so much COMPASSION, so much LOVE, LOVE, LOVE...all you need is love, right?!?! Can't state enough how fortunate I feel to be HERE in this SPARKiverse with each and every one of you!!!
One of you amazing people, last night, jarred me ALL THE WAY back to reality :-). Someone posted in the Spa...freakin' LOVE that team!...that 'STRUGGLE is no match for those who have GRATITUDE'. Which got me to extrapolating...'cause that's what I do...lolol...that I can be GRATEFUL for struggle. After all, if there is indeed no ego here in me, as I like to believe on occasion, then struggle cannot be taken personally. And if I move that out a few feet further, STRUGGLE is only STRUGGLE because I have JUDGED it as such. And judgment is something else I like to purport I have rid myself of...lolol...I crack me up!!!
So with all of the things I no longer possess...lolol...ego and judgment...I managed to work myself up into quite a tizzy the other day. And I kind of threw that up on all of you and for that, I am sorry.
But here's the real deal. I am losing my home, I am losing my car and I could possibly wind up homeless with my family. This could ultimately mean Ray and I lose our businesses as well. My decision to call that 'struggle' is just that...a decision. Ultimately, this is simply another JUDGMENT. Today, I have decided to call it an OPPORTUNITY. And not simply for semantics' sake. I really do believe it is an opportunity to become less ATTACHED to temporal things. I am being STRIPPED of everything a vast majority of people in America believe determines their worth and place in this world. (When I wrote approximately a month ago about 'pruning', it was this situation to which I was referring.)
My occassional visit to the fear basement over the last couple months has been primarily related to how my DH is going to deal with our new reality. I assumed it would be 'not well', but that is not for me to (once again) JUDGE. Perhaps this will be the thing, the situation, the circumstance that makes him wake up to my reality...that whatever we can touch is ultimatley fake and that the only REAL, and therefore, meaningful things, are the unseen connections we share with one another. But regardless of how he reacts, it is neither my business, nor my job to concern myself with his experience of all this. He has a journey to take, just as I do, and his outcome will be HIS alone. I have to be willing to accept and surrender to THAT reality.
So TODAY, I accept and surrender to ALL of it! TODAY, I have a home and a car and The Soap Box :-). And TODAY is my only concern. In this moment, I choose to stay HERE, in today. I am so very grateful for PRESENCE...she saves my life these days :-).
I am here...full of love, compassion for and acceptance of the man I married and the path HE must walk...wherever that takes him...wherever that takes us.
So here is my truth. This is an opportunity to start from scratch, to rebuild and to make new...to make better and wiser choices. I can scale down, pare away, and put into practice the fact that 'less is more'. We don't own stuff...stuff owns us! I will no longer be owned by stuff! :-).
'FREEDOM's just another word for nothin' left to lose' Janice sang...
I am about to be FREE for REAL... :-).
Friday, July 19, 2013
Today, I am in a much better space:-). That is enough...as I firmly believe that less is more.
I am so very appreciative and humbled by this SPARKiverse...by all of you and your incredible and amazing love and support. I needed it so much yesterday and you all delivered...and then some.
Again...I cannot express enough how VITAL you are to this process...how imperative we are to one another on this journey...and how GRATEFUL I AM TO BE A PART OF THIS AMAZING COMMUNITY! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Stephi...you've got to focus on today...this moment. RIGHT NOW...you have a roof over your head. There is food in your house. You have Ray and your SmokeyBoy. Today, you have a car. You are sitting in The Soap Box as I speak. You are HEALTHY!!! Your boys are healthy!!! What the he!! else do you want?!?
I want to know it's going to stay like this.
You don't GET to know that, My Dear. NO ONE gets to know that. People only, ever THINK they know. The whole world can turn on a dime in a moment's notice, My Sweet. SECURITY is an illusion. A comforting one, I'll admit, but an ILLUSION, none the less. YOU ARE PERFECTLY FINE in this moment. So stay here. Just BE here. The future doesn't exist! And when what you call the future shows up in its own present moment, you will be THERE. And you will do whatever needs to and can be done IN THAT MOMENT. But there ain't SH*T you can do about ANY of that today. Today you need to calm your a** down and BREATHE!!!
I know, but I feel it all crashing in on me. Big, horrible things are going to happen...and SOON! And I ate junk food for dinner last night.
And that made WHAT better?!?! You woke up with all the same circumstance today, except you can add a slip to the pile. Please don't do that today. Stay HERE. BE here. You can't do a g-d thing today except choose to panic, or choose to be PRESENT. And in choosing to be present, there is peace and joy and love, even amid the uncertainty you feel.
But I am sooooo scared.
Because you are not PRESENT. You are PROJECTING. You know the insanity that surrounds that behavior, Sweetheart! You can't afford to go there anymore. What is wrong in THIS MOMENT? What is wrong for Stephanie RIGHT NOW???
Nothing right now.
So stay here...where nothing is wrong. What's GOING to happen will be there for you to take care of it...when it's TIME for you to do so. TODAY is NOT that day, Darling. Today just isn't that day. Can you come back to today?
WILL you come back to today?
Do you remember who you are?
Do you know why you are here?
Does it have anything to do with a house, a car or the money in your bank account?
So calm yourself down. Come back to NOW. Feel all of the peace and the joy and the love that waits in this PRESENT moment for you. Are you feeling it?
Yes. I feel it. It feels really, really good.
Don't cry. It's okay. You're still stuck in that flesh...lolol. It won't always be so. But while it is...just BE. Okay?
I love you Stephi. I ALWAYS have and I ALWAYS will. And that's the only security you'll ever need or have.
I know. I love you too. Thank you :-).
You're welcome. "I'm waiting for my mud to settle..." You're so dam* melodramatic....lolol.
lolol...I am, aren't I???
Just get back to bein' the light, Girl!!!
Okay...back to light :-). I'm back.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
My Oak Tree spoke today
I listened as best I could.
After all, I'm only human
And you know, he's only wood.
His branches swayed and creaked
And I thought I heard him say,
Don't worry, Only Human
It's gonna be okay.
I stand here every day
Through the sun and wind and rain.
I shake, I bow, I bend
through the ease AND through the pain.
My leaves, they drift, my branches crack;
And fall upon the Earth.
But every day, just as parts die,
Some more are given birth.
New buds appear, young branches form,
The acorn catches root.
I count myself not harmed nor blessed;
To do so would be mute.
For life is but a ride...
Neither bad, nor neither good,
But judgment MAKES it so,
Whether human or only wood.
So be like me; be like the tree
That bends and sways and STAYS :-).
You'll have peace and joy and love
In your heart, for all your days.
I got this from my Palm Tree, while in my garden this morning :-)
I think there was ayahuasca in my coffee....lolol.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Tonight my mind is completely empty :-).
So I'll share my morning chapter from the Tao Te Ching.
It is my shelter, my sword and my salvation...
Empty your mind of all thoughts.
Let your heart be at peace.
Watch the turmoil of beings,
but contemplate their return.
Each separate being in the universe
returns to the common source.
Returning to the source is serenity.
If you don't realize the source,
you stumble in confusion and sorrow.
When you realize where you come from,
you naturally become tolerant,
kindhearted as a grandmother,
dignified as a king.
Immersed in the wonder of the Tao,
you can deal with whatever life brings you,
and when death comes, you are ready.
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