Friday, April 19, 2013
So here I sit in my shop, waiting for my 'hippie hour' crew to show up (billed as happy hour with a PURPOSE!) staring at a sky outside ready to open up a torrent of rain, with the Matisyahu blaring:-). This is something I do every Friday from 4-6p for my customers, friends and those of like mind. We have table wine and/ or green tea and we discuss how we can fix this broke-a** government, planet and economy of ours. I have my theories and I do a great job of communicating that vision, and people have responded so strongly. I'm amazed by these people on a daily basis.
But today, as I filled my glass, I realized I have so much more to toast this week! I actually woke up today so fired up about what I see as the answer to our ills, I wrote a letter to the Editor of the local paper, I fired off a couple emails to my three reps/ sen's in Wash, DC (as if that helps...NOT) and I committed to get my message into my community at any cost.
Well, today has been my biggest sale day since I opened on March 2....lololol. All that fire from this morning apparently caught on! I believe heartily in the law of attraction, and the folks who walked through this door today left my shop as true believers in the cause, and for that, I couldn't be happier.
However, at the end of today, the best thing that's happening right now is that I KNOW I CAN ACTUALLY DO ALL OF THIS!!! I feel so connected to, attuned to and capable of the miriad changes I'm in the process of making right now...in my mind, on my body and in my neighborhood.
So tonight, I raise my glass to me... and to this journey, inside and out!
And I raise my glass to my SP family, who has held my hand on every step I've taken to fix me since I found you all last Wednesday!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Today I woke up super excited..about what, I have no idea...lolol. I guess it's just this SP thing and what it has meant to me in the last week. I feel CAPABLE again. The veil of food addiction blurs so much of who and what I am, that I guess I lost sight of so many wonderful and amazing things I can be and do. This last year has been a whirlwind of tremendous change and growth for me. I'm weening myself off of a 28 year career in medicine, I started my own business from my home last year and today as I write this, I am sitting in my very own retail shop, where I sell what I make and I help my community realize that TOGETHER, we can change the health of our planet and the obnoxious amount of corporate money in our politics. I AM STARTING A REVOLTution!!!
And yet, this entire time, I've felt like a faker, like a wanna-be. Because, despite the fact that I pushed my way through everything it took to get here; despite the fact that this business is successful because people like my product and LOVE the message, ONLY I knew what I did once I got home. Once home, and behind my front door, I turned off the smile and plopped in the recliner, exhausted mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. And that's when it got really ugly. I ATE. I ATE innordinate amounts of food. I ate past full, I ate to push out the doubt and the fear and the discomfort of the uncertainty this new endeavor was bringing to my life. I was terrified and unsure and full of self-doubt. But I LOVE it. It is indeed my passion. It is what I was put here to do. And I couldn't keep doing it...AND keep eating.
So, sitting in my shop last week, surfing the web, I read an online profile at AOL about a huge weight loss for one lady. She so graciously shared that SP was what got her to the beautiful face and place she was at now. I decided I had to try it. I logged in, signed up...and there you all were. Carrying me those first couple days until I could walk on my own. And now I'm running...flying toward this new life I've created with energy, excitement, and confidence in my ability to carry out the goals and challenges set before me.
SP gave me all of that, and so much more. I am EXCITED about today. I am EXCITED by who I am. I am EXCITED for what's coming in my life :-).
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Today marks one week, seven days during which I walked this SparkPeople way of life. For me, this is such a gift! Having struggled my entire life with food addiction, I finally found a place where I can give and receive the suport and encouragement I require to stop using my drug of choice, one day at a time. I woke up today, so excited to be a little smaller on the outside, but so much bigger and brighter on the inside. With the tools and support and LOVE I've received here, I can see a future for myself that includes clarity of mind, health of body and peace of spirit. Food is such a torment when I abuse it. It tortures me in ways only another food addict can relate to and understand. And I have found some of you here, beautiful, open and honest women, willing to share their experience, strength and hope in recovery! I couldn't be more grateful for this aspect of SP alone! A healthy, strong and loving community of other compulsive eaters who hold my hand as we walk down this path, rain or shine, and find respite from the pain and shame and despair of food addiction. I LOVE SPARK PEOPLE. I LOVE EACH OF YOU WHO HAVE SHARED YOUR STRUGGLE WITH ME AND HELPED ME GET TO TODAY...DAY 8! THANK YOU!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
I am so very happy to be back in this abstinent space again. The peace, the clarity that arrives when compulsive thought about food goes away is indescribable. Knowing what and when my next meal is...presence of not just body, but of mind and spirit for my friends, my work, my family, for MYSELF...the ability to say 'YES' instead of 'i'm tired', which really meant, i can't because i want to eat instead of engage with you...all of these things are back for me and I have so missed this space, this place, this presence in my life.
Today I am here...present and accounted for on all fronts...body, soul and spirit for you, for myself and for my life as it exists today. That is what abstinence from compulsive overeating gives me. And that gives me such gratitude!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Look at that! 10 pounds lost. 5 days of BLESSED, GLORIOUS abstinence. What a gift. I am so very thankful to the SP gods and mostly to my FAN-FREAKIN-TABULOUS SP friends! I love you girls so very much. I know this won't be every week, obviously. But it's a move in the absolute right direction and it reinforces the fact that I cannot do this alone. I have only ever have sustainable, consistent health and wellness of body, soul and mind when I engage with others who share my struggle.
I thank each of you for your SUPPORT, ENCOURAGEMENT, HONESTY AND FOR YOUR WILLINGNESS to help a stranger in need. Strangers no more, we are a band of sisters, bound by our common ailment and shared successes! I AM GRATEFUL TO THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY and FOR EACH OF YOU!
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