Saturday, June 01, 2013
I got my new star last night. That means twenty pounds gone!! I love it...it's big, it's orange (in honor of the Heat Miser's recent presence in my life...lolol...why not?) and it was HARD WON this month.
I had a stellar start here on SP. I'd lost 19 pounds in three weeks and then my body said...you know what?...not so fast, Girly! I had ONE day where I didn't pay attention to calorie counts. I drank more adult beverages than someone trying to lose weight should or would. And when I got back on the scale two days later, I had gained five whole pounds. And they did not fly back off after my next week of strict program work. No...this time I was going to have to EARN them the HARD way. So I did. I acquiesced to the inherent wisdom and comfort of my physical form and I thought...'this is YOUR decision, body that I have mistreated, abused and taken for granted for a very long time. I'll trust that you'll give up what you want to, when you want to'. And I worked my program, despite the failure to see a pay off on the scale. I counted up and was grateful for all of my NSV's...like mother's milk they were to me :-). And I just kept doing this one day at a time until now, seven weeks in, I have officially, really, and for the last time lost those twenty pounds.
I look better. I feel better. I AM better. And I have a brand new, big, bright, orange star...just like the ones your teacher used to put on your papers when you got an 'A'...to let me know what a great job I've done :-).
Yeah...great job, Stephi..... :-)
Friday, May 31, 2013
Today I am feeling slightly blown away, if there is such a thing, as being slightly shaken to your core...lolol. What I mean to say is that some really amazing and miraculous things have been happening in my life this past week...with my relationship, at The Soap Box...and I am blown away...but I am NOT disoriented by the blow back, which is the ironic part. I'm sure I'm making very little sense, but I blog for me, so...I know what I mean, which is the most important aspect of this. But forgive me if this is confusing for those of you who decided to stop by today...lol :-).
See I have believed in and had faith in the idea of the law of attraction, in a universal consciousness, and ultimately, the idea that what we do to and for others, we ultimately do to and for ourselves. We are connected, not just in theory, but a literal connection, by matter not seen with the naked eye, but there none the less. I have adopted and held close the notion that the world in which I live, the world I experience each and every day is a direct reflection of my internal world...of my thoughts, my words and my deeds. I have BELIEVED this for quite a long time. But today, as I write this...this is no longer a belief or a faith or an idea...it is my reality. My life, my experience TODAY, right in this moment, is a beautiful creation that came from the eternal and infinite inside of me. i am reaping that which i sow. I have thought, spoken and acted out my desire to the Universe and the Universe is delivering in spades. It IS HAPPENING right in front of my very eyes....today, May 31st, 2013...I am receiving the consequence of what I have thought and spoken and done . I didn't know it would actually happen...despite thousands of admonitions to friends over the years of that exact belief. I knew it was TRUTH when I spoke it. But it had never HAPPENED to and for me so clearly as it is happening right this second. So I am blown away...but I expected this....lolol. I sound like a nut case ;-). I have spoken this truth for almost a decade to myself and to others. And today, i am awash in its HAPPENING. it is tangible and palpable and I can barely describe it... The tears fall as i write...and perhaps they are the only true and real communication of what is happening inside of me right now, despite my best efforts to put this into words.
there are no words, Stephi. that's why you can't find them :-)...she says to me with a smile...
OMG...I need some wine....lolol. time to start hippie hour.
I am. I am you. I am her. I am everything and everything is me. It's all right here...and it always has been....lolol...funniest part. we look all over...OUTSIDE of ourselves for the TRUTH...and it's already inside...and has been the entire time.
I am blown away...as i stand right here...firm as a mighty oak...I am blown away...
I feel like I shouldn't post this, but every fiber of my being is pushing me to hit that button. Here goes...
Thursday, May 30, 2013
I love SparkPeople. I love the women I've met here. I love the fact that if I show up, if I work my program, if I am honest, then I recover. One meal, one day at a time, I am given the gift of freedom from food obsession.
I cannot express the gratitude and awe I feel for having found this place and you Girls. It is magic...it is miraculous...this SPARKisphere! :-) Thank you...each of you...for walking down this road with me, hand in hand, and doing WITH me what I could never manage to do on my own:-).
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
For many years I have practiced the art of 'doing not-doing'. It is an eastern way of living that reminds me that 'less and less do I need to force things until finally I arrive at non-action', to quote Lao-tzu. I have faith that there is a plan, a prescribed way, and that my interference is just that...an intrusion on an already perfect unfolding of events. My job is to 'stay in the center'...to accept and to surrender. Occasionally things require a change, and I have choices in those matters. But FORCE is never an option; I YIELD, and I succeed. At the end of my 25 years of hospital-based medicine, I witnessed first hand the wisdom of that model, in living...and even in dying.
I don't know what made me think that running a business should be any different than the business of living peaceably, joyfully and lovingly in harmony with my surroundings. But for a time, I was convinced that I had to MAKE The Soap Box work. I altered my way, and I told myself that there was SOMETHING I could and should do to be successful in my little shop. I worked myself like crazy. I sacrificed peace and serenity. I pushed and pulled to make this little train go. I could not have been more wrong....lolol.
I sit here today, at ease, at peace, breathing deeply and fully in my new schedule. My store has been busier and more profitable since the day I hired Ariel. The most AMAZING people come in here...open-hearted, truth-seeking, fellow travelers on this journey we call life. Closing on Sundays has thrilled my customers, and they graciously come on the other days I am open...letting me know that they wish other businesses would be closed on Sundays too. I am more creative and focused and productive now that I have time and space to move more comfortably and serenely through my days. And just like my body is fixing itself while I focus on changing my behavior and attitude toward food, my business will succeed by taking care of my life and myself.
Miracles are happening TODAY, right in this very moment. My job is not to seek them out or to make them happen. My job is simply to BE HERE NOW...free from judgement, free from attachment and free from expectation...and allow those miracles to unfold around me. They have. They do. They shall.
I am amazed, I am humbled and I am grateful.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
I didn't lose any weight this week, but I have to say, I'm thrilled to be where I am. I am grateful that this works for me as a recovery program. I am grateful for the twenty pound loss I have had. I am grateful that my marriage is being repaired with honest and clear dialogue. I love the fact that i can move comfortably through my very hectic life with energy and positivity :-). I cannot describe the comfort that comes from the one-day-at-a-time reprieve from food obsession!
I love SP. It fixes my head :-). My body will fix itself :-).
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