STEELKICKIN   31,167
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For Betsy

Thursday, September 09, 2010

I thought she could use a laugh today. So, from one redneck to the other, here ya go, sweetie pie.

POPULAR REDNECK SAYINGS:

"Slicker than a harpooned hippo on a banana tree."

"Don't worry too much about it. Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag."

"That boy is about as sharp as a cue ball."

"That boy is a few fries short of a Happy Meal."

"He's ridin' a gravy train on biscuit wheels."

"That'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter."

"I'd rather jump barefoot off a 6-foot step ladder into a 5 gallon bucket of porcupines than to...."

"It's as easy as herdin' chickens!"

"She's purtier than a mess of fried catfish."

"I'm busier than a stump full of ants!"

"That's slicker than snot on a doorknob!"

"No, that's slicker than snot on a goat's glass eye!"

"He's a nice guy but I don't think he has enough chlorine in his gene pool..."

POPULAR REDNECK WORDS:

"Bard" - verb. Past tense of the infinitive 'to borrow.' Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck.

"Jawjuh" - noun. A state just north of Florida. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh just bard my pickup truck.

"Munts" - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck and I ain't herd from him in munts!"

"Ranch"- noun. A tool. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of the pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

"All"- noun. A petroleum based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

"Far" - noun. A conflaguration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

REDNECK PICS:









Have a good day, girlie. Big ole redneck hugs from me. ;)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

K8NJKSMOM 9/17/2010 2:52PM

    Thank you for my laugh of the day!!! Loved them!

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DBFBILLY 9/11/2010 9:40PM

    Too funny and so true emoticon

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DONGR8NCHARNC 9/11/2010 12:12AM

    Too funny- enough said!

Denise
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TRENTDREAMER 9/10/2010 10:35AM

    "That boy is a few fries short of a Happy Meal."

- i us3 "a few wrestlerz sh0rt of a battle r0yal" or "a few corn kernels short of a c0b"

sam3 idea tho.

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CHERIRIDDELL 9/10/2010 1:00AM

    LOL! And I thought I was a linguist shows you can always learn something new!!!

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JUNIAATROME 9/10/2010 12:37AM

    Now that's what I call an instructive blog. And I'm a polyglot now. Well earned points. LOL

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CARTOONB 9/9/2010 9:18PM

    Those are redneck words snd sayings?? Oops. emoticon

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NANALD 9/9/2010 9:07PM

    Thanks for the great laugh! emoticon

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MUSIC66 9/9/2010 7:28PM

    awsome lol.

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GEEMAWEST 9/9/2010 7:20PM

    You forgot the word "Tarrs" as in - we put 4 new snow tarrs on the truck.

emoticon

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ONEREALLYBIGDOG 9/9/2010 5:41PM

    Sure glad that I finally got invited to the party. I'm tired and in pain and this really cheered me up!

I was rather surprised that you posted your motorcycle picture though! LOL

Thanks again for all the chuckles!
You made my day once again.

I guess if I said you need to explain them to me now, it would be too late, LOL

Have a SPlendid day! emoticon

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FLEMIDG 9/9/2010 4:45PM

    Thanks for making me smile. I love your blogs.

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 9/9/2010 4:31PM

    Now, that was great!!!! emoticon

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DARLENEK04 9/9/2010 4:21PM

  All ya'll (plural) know what my favorite is:

The sign, signed Owner

Thanks Michelle for the giggles.

Momma

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CALIMAN1 9/9/2010 3:21PM

    oh the depths we will sink for 3 points...........I think I'll blog about this!!!!!!!!!!!

emoticon

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JILLWILSON2102 9/9/2010 3:05PM

    and my favorite "he's about as bright as a 10-watt bulb"...to funny emoticon

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BKNOCK 9/9/2010 2:50PM

    Do you know what John is going to say about this one!!

Thanks for cracking me up twice in one day! I really needed that!

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BIKERBABE2BE 9/9/2010 2:31PM

    emoticon

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PJSTIME 9/9/2010 1:56PM

    Love em all. emoticon

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DOLPHINFAN1334 9/9/2010 1:32PM

    THOSE WERE GREAT! THANKS FOR SHARING THEM WITH EVERYONE. emoticon

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The Ultimate Pick-up Line

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

I was at the Dollar Store last night trying to find a cheap shower caddy for Breanna. The shower stalls at OU are small, close together and there isn't a place to set her many essentials (a.k.a. shampoo, conditioner, serum, body soap, body lotion, razors, shave cream and who-knows-what-else) as she is getting ready for her day. As I was debating between a lime green, purple or hot pink one, a "gentleman" came up to me and struck up a conversation. I pleasantly smiled and continued my business, silently wondering when he was going to LEAVE. Then he said, "Ya know, maybe you and I could grab a drink sometime." I didn't even look at him. The only thing I did was hold up my left hand and wiggle my ring finger. After apologizing, he hurried off; but I couldn't help but grin. I couldn't wait to get home and tell Brian that someone tried to pick me up at the DOLLAR STORE! It was kinda flattering, too. I mean, C'MON. It makes you feel good to know that you're not a big anatomical mess! My hard work has paid off!!

Brian didn't even bat an eye when I told him and asked, "Do they carry tarp?"
"TARP?!?"
"YOU know what tarp is."
"Yeah, I KNOW what tarp is, but that's all you have to say??"
"About WHAT?"
"About that guy in the store!"
"His pick-up line was lame."
"Okay...so you're judging him by his PICK-UP LINE. NICE."

I remember Brian's pick-up line. Twenty years ago, I was walking back to my apartment and this huge Ford Bronco with a four-inch lift kit and monster tires pulled up alongside me on the sidewalk. Over the roar of the engine he shouted, "HEY! DON'T YOU LIVE THREE APARTMENTS DOWN FROM ME??!"
"WHAT?!"
"DON'T YOU LIVE THREE APARTMENTS...."
"I CAN'T HEEEAR YOU!"
"DON'T YOU...."
Cutting the engine, he said, "Don't you live three doors DOWN from me?"
"Yeah...and your point is?"
"You need a ride back to your place?"
Looking over my shoulder, I could see my apartment door. Looking back at him, I saw him grinning and he said, "Or we could just go grab a pizza after while."

What a cute grin. I was soo smitten.

We ended up getting pizza that evening. And watching the movie "Ghost." Just as my eyes were tearing up when Patrick Swayze was going into The Light, Brian leaned over and planted one right on my lips.
"What are you doing?!?"
"I'm sorry. No, I'm not. I've been eyeing you for two months now. So, NO, I'm not sorry. And I want to kiss you again. And again. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I want to kiss you for many days to come."
"Okay."
"OKAY??"
"Yeah. Okay."
Cue the cheesy grin. Cue the Cupid's arrow. And I've allowed him to kiss me...for many YEARS to come.

So, last night, as I watched Brian ransack the building for weed-eater string and holler at the cat for getting under his feet, I realized something; that's still the same guy who had to lift me up and put me in the passenger seat of his monster Bronco because I was too short. He's still the same guy who rushed home in the middle of his workday with a ring and TOLD me I was going to marry him. He's also the same guy who said he had been eyeing me for two months because he's had his eye on me for twenty years now.

So YEAH. The Dollar Store guy's pick-up line WAS pretty lame.

Brian knew he NEVER stood a chance.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DBFBILLY 9/11/2010 9:33PM

    That is an awesome story..Sounds like you found your prince emoticon I want to hold out for someone specialtoo...What few times i've dated, i've come to realize i'd rather be alone, until the special one comes along..I'm not going to settle anymore..I'm happy for you emoticon

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CARTOONB 9/8/2010 10:54PM

    Awwww! (You and Brian) Suh-weet! (Getting hit on!) Of course! (Not being an anatomical mess)

So....have you been married for 20 years? What day is your anniversary? I have been married for 20 years. Another creepy coincidence?

emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/8/2010 11:00:32 PM

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MOMFAN 9/8/2010 10:49PM

    What a great memory. A guy this week was hitting on me in the library. Only problem was I didn't realize it until he said, "I hope I am not hitting on a married woman?" Told him sorry I was, I am not wearing a ring because we lost the diamond over a year ago. I was just clueless! So my family gets a laugh about their clueless mom.

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GEEMAWEST 9/8/2010 10:33PM

    Cute, very, very cute. You, Brian and the story.

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BLAKBIRD 9/8/2010 10:26PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JILLWILSON2102 9/8/2010 9:28PM

    What a wonderful love story - you are one lucky couple! emoticon

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BKNOCK 9/8/2010 7:12PM

    Wow, first you have people attacking you in Walmart and now you have men picking you up in the Dollar Tree. Is it safe for you to go out alone? LOL!

Great blog as usual!

Betsy

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DARLENEK04 9/8/2010 4:45PM

  Great blog Michelle....Brian is a keeper, forever and ever...

But then, I knew you still had "it".....ha I'm your Momma
and I know these things...lol

Hugs Baby,
Love
Momma

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CALIMAN1 9/8/2010 3:42PM

    ok, so tell me, if the guy had tarp under one arm, THEN issued the pick up line....would that have made Brian go through the roof????

It's all in the tarp....I know that if a guy approaches my wife without tarp, not an issue...but when the tarp guys come, I get all emoticon

I liked all the stories in this blog...and doggone it, your work has paid off and Mr Dollar Tree guy definitely noticed....your Brian pizza big truck story was also very special. I think others are right, you are a lucky lady with the one.

Now go tell him I said so....and, no, it's not tarp under my arm....he can put away the evil eyes!!!!!! emoticon

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THEBOOKBINDER 9/8/2010 3:13PM

    WOW hell he is a keeper. That is such a sweet story. He does so love you and the fact that he doesn't feel insecure is awesome.


OHHH and BTW you didn't have to tell everyone that I tried to pick you up at the Dollar store. That was the best pick up line I could think of at the time, all my other ones never worked! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/8/2010 3:15:38 PM

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FLEMIDG 9/8/2010 2:54PM

    Michelle, that was a great blog. It is fun to know that what we are doing is working. You are a lovely woman on the inside and outside, so I could see someone coming on to you. Maybe Brian experienced just a little bit of jealousy when you told him. I love the story about your romance. You seem to have been made for each other. You are both so lucky to have each other.
God bless you both.

emoticon

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DAWNO64 9/8/2010 2:15PM

    That's one of the sweetest stories I've ever heard...he was definitely smitten with you, and not willing to give up!

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TEENY2BEE 9/8/2010 2:05PM

    OMUGASH

Thats so SWEET!!!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BADASSBLONDIE 9/8/2010 12:15PM

    This post made me feel all warm and fuzzy. :-D Also, I used to drive a 94 Ford Bronco, so that makes me happy.

Comment edited on: 9/8/2010 12:30:42 PM

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BWCAGRL 9/8/2010 12:07PM

    What a great story and a great perspective! Thanks for sharing! I used to work every Sunday so my hubby would take the kids to church. I knew it was going to happen and finally, a woman approached him and started talking about how tough it was to raise children as a single parent, and would he like to go out sometime to swap stories!
Unfortunately for her, after the shock wore off his face my husband laughed out loud and told her he was happily married. He told me about it and I said, "See, I'm not the only one who thinks you're hot!" Sometimes we all need a little reminding that we're desirable.
And, it's great to know that taking care of ourselves has so many benefits!
Keep Sparking!

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HAPPY_AS_IS 9/8/2010 12:02PM

    You sound like one lucky gal!!

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PJSTIME 9/8/2010 12:02PM

    That had to be a great ego boost. And a nice love story about you and Brian. Ahhh True love is great. We sometimes just have to remember those swet memories.

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ONEREALLYBIGDOG 9/8/2010 12:01PM

    Cute story!
So, that was ME in the Dollar Store,
and you told everybody that you shot me down, LOL

Can't blame the guy,
could you?

Keep those home fires burning for another twenty years.
Bre' could use another little sister! LMAO

Thanks for putting yet another smile on our faces!


emoticon

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JRDIAMOND4 9/8/2010 12:00PM

    OMG, Michelle, I had the same thing happen to me at Wal-Mart. Billy was standing at the end of the isle and I had walked back to get something and this guy came walking fast toward me and said I found you. I have been watching you, You are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. I don't know what my reaction was cuz I was speechless. He ask are you married and all I could do was show him my ring finger and he said figures, but I just had to tell you, You are beautiful and walked away. When my legs would finally move, I ran to Billy and punched him told him to never leave me again. He probably had the same look on his face when I hit him as I did when the guy approached me. I told Billy as we were checking out the story. No comment, he just laughed.

As he started the truck. He said "Whew, taking you shopping is exhausting, loading the groceries and having to beat the guys off you."
lol I just grinned all the way home. hehehe

I love your blog. Isn't it so awesome that our hubbies still make our hearts go pitter patter.


emoticon

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THAMLEY 9/8/2010 11:58AM

    I'm surprised that doesn't happen to you all the time--you are gorgeous ya know. So sweet though, just what we need to keep us on track, and keep Brian on his toes!

Your love story sounds much like my own. He'd been "eyeing" me at the local A&P store for a couple of months before he got nerve to ask me out. Then it took me a few weeks to agree(incredibly shy)! That blond hair and bright blue eyes, I wanted to run off with him immediately. He told me we would be married on the very first date(I laughed at him). Here we are 32 yrs later--barely been apart more than a day since.

Here's to being smitten; but pick-up attempts always welcome--it gives us that nice little glow. When we've worked hard for it, we deserve it, as long as we don't reciprocate the offer.

Keep on being beautiful!


emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LMB-ESQ 9/8/2010 11:48AM

    Sweet story.... and a nice ego boost! Congrats! I haven't had a pick up line for awhile. And you're right, Brian knew the lame guy in the dollar store was no threat to him LOL

Oh, and apropos of nothing, I asked my son if he wanted something like a little bucket or a basket or something to carry his stuff to the shower. He looked at me like *I* was lame. "Mom," he said, "I have soap and shampoo. What do I need a basket for? Do you think I'm a *girl* or something?" emoticon

Boys.... **sigh**

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 9/8/2010 11:44AM

    Gosh, girl! You make me smile, then go in for the kill and make me tear up?! emoticon emoticon

That was awesome! emoticon

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QUIKSYLVER 9/8/2010 11:39AM

    Awww, cute story!

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BIKERBABE2BE 9/8/2010 11:35AM

    Aw...true love! This is wonderful and you and Brian have a wonderful thing going.

Congrats on the fact that someone tried to pick you up. That always boost the ego...even if he is lame!

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YOU Are SO WEIRD!

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

I have always been fascinated by the human body for as long as I can remember. I can recall being a small child, and even before I could read, sitting and pouring over my mother's medical journals looking at the pictures on each page. It is probably why I majored in Psychology and later on became a nurse. I just had to know what made us tick...and what I could do to keep on ticking! We all know by now how many calories we must burn to lose a pound of fat, how to ease the burn of a strained muscle and how to cut the unnecessary fat from our diets, but did you know that:

- The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. It is the only muscle in our body that is not attached at both ends. Also, every individual has a unique tongue print just like we have unique finger prints.
- The average human will eat on average 8 spiders while sleeping.
- The average woman consumes 6 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime.
- The human brain weighs about 3 pounds. The human head weighs 8 pounds.
- You blink over 10,000,000 times a year. Women blink twice as many times as a man.
- When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop...even your heart. It's impossible to truly sneeze with your eyes open.
- If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and six days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
- Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza in a DAY.
- If you passed gas consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
- On average a human will spend up to 2 weeks kissing in his or her lifetime. A one-minute kiss burns 26 calories. Maybe we should kiss more often?
- Your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room for the heart. Yet the surface area of the human lung is equal to that of a tennis court.
- The higher your IQ, the more you dream. And in color.
- The typical human body contains enough sulfur to kill all fleas on an average dog.
- We are born with 300 bones. Yet, by the time we reach adulthood, we have 206 bones. Babies are also born without knee caps.
- The average human body sheds around 600,000 particles of skin every hour; that is about 1.5 pounds a year. By age 70, you will have lost 105 pounds of skin. Ever wonder where it goes?
- The average adult's empty stomach has the volume of 1/5 of a cup. When stuffed with food the volume can reach a little over a gallon.
- During your lifetime, you will produce enough saliva to fill two swimming pools. And did you know that if your saliva cannot dissolve something, then you cannot taste it?
- The three things pregnant women dream most of during their first trimester are frogs, worms and potted plants.
- After eating too much, your hearing is less sharp.
- Your body has enough iron in it to make a 3-inch long nail.
- The indentation in the middle of the area between the nose and the upper lip is called the philtrum. Didn't know it had a name, did ya?
- Facial hair grows faster than any other hair on the body. Pfff! Tell that to the hair on my legs!
- The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razorblades. You get a new stomach lining every three to four days. If you didn't, it would digest itself.
- It takes 72 muscles to produce human speech.

I bet you didn't know you were that complicated, did you?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUNIAATROME 9/9/2010 3:12AM

    I think I know when I ate one of the 8 mendatory spiders per life...

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TRENTDREAMER 9/8/2010 9:04AM

    "The average woman consumes 6 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime. "

* g33z + i thought grlz/women just used it on their lipz. im going to l00k @ my female frendz v3ry differently now. emoticon lol

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FLEMIDG 9/7/2010 11:49PM

    Love those blogs, Michelle. Where did you get all this weird information?


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CHERIRIDDELL 9/7/2010 11:41PM

    I can go one better than just weird when my daughter was in primary school the Sting song "An englishman in NewYork " was popular and I was cheerfully singing along and one of her friends queried the "I'm a legal alien " part and I said "I'm an alien too" meaning married to a soldier coming originally from another country and this child went home and asked her Mum what planet I came from ???Is that weird enough??

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BLAKBIRD 9/7/2010 11:01PM

    emoticon

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CARTOONB 9/7/2010 10:41PM

    Unfortunately, I had heard the spider thing before. Blech! emoticon

You wanna take my toungue print? LOL!

Thanks for the interesting facts....whether I wanted to know them or not! LOL!

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JILLWILSON2102 9/7/2010 9:27PM

    I think I like being weird! emoticon emoticon

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MOMFAN 9/7/2010 7:16PM

    God made us all amazing and unique!

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LMB-ESQ 9/7/2010 5:53PM

    HEHE emoticon

I like the one about the atomic bomb. Does that mean I should eat more beans? emoticon

I don't dream much, but I do dream in color. Am I in trouble for law school? emoticon

And after eating too much, ALL my senses are less sharp... usually cuz I'm asleep! emoticon

Funny and interesting! Thanks for sharing!

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THEBOOKBINDER 9/7/2010 5:23PM

    emoticon yep right I'm weird!

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DREMARGRL 9/7/2010 3:57PM

    Kewwwl! Interesting. There were a few on that list I'd never read before. Thanks for sharing. Have a nice night. XO MaryAnn emoticon

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USFBULL 9/7/2010 3:34PM

    emoticon

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STEVENGO2 9/7/2010 3:26PM

    Sometimes I dream in color and some times I dream in black in white, so I assume that makes me somewhat intelligent! Where did you pick up all these interesting facts?

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NANALD 9/7/2010 3:03PM

    emoticon You must have had to look a while to find this! YOu are right...we are weird and this just begins to touch the surface of how weird we are! Thanks for sharing!

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VRADAA 9/7/2010 3:01PM

    Good grief! Some of that info I didn't need to know!! LOL!

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SWEETYKINS012 9/7/2010 1:15PM

    hehehe!!! i had read some of these before.... i dream in color. momma-little, you peed your pants because your muscles relaxed and quit working when you sneezed!!!! hehehe!!!!

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 9/7/2010 12:53PM

    OK, girlie, explain why sometimes I pee my pants when I sneeze really hard! LOL!! It didn't stop my bladder! Thanks for your blog. It was just the ticket! emoticon

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LIQUID11 9/7/2010 12:43PM

    emoticon
Interesting info, to think about…
emoticon

And who that funny little fellow might be?
He Rocks!! Definitely an Important addition on my Motivational Collage/ Desktop Wallpaper LOL
emoticon

Andreas


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ONEREALLYBIGDOG 9/7/2010 12:27PM

    You got the title of this blog RIGHT!

But we already knew that YOU were weird. Had to say it BEFORE you said it about me, LOL

Some awesome info there

Did you tell Bre' all that after she left? She's probably at Macy's looking for a RIUG for her mother's tongue, LMAO

Thanks for brightening up my day, now I can get to work and work WITH a smile on my silly face and no one will know what I'm smilin' about!

Enjoy
I did!

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PJSTIME 9/7/2010 12:24PM

    What a fun blog filled with all this info. My DH must always eat too much he nevers seems to be able to hear me. emoticon

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GEEMAWEST 9/7/2010 12:08PM

    WOW! Too much information before I've had my second cup of coffee.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BIKERBABE2BE 9/7/2010 11:53AM

    According to your stats I am super smart...I dream in color and lots of it....also I agree on the facial hair...I have some that grow three-four inches an hour (especially on my chin)!

Thanks for the fun facts. Have a wonderful Tuesday!

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BKNOCK 9/7/2010 11:49AM

    Gotta say, this was a pretty interesting blog! Now why is John mentioning my name again? Let's see how he gets his next 3 points!

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DARLENEK04 9/7/2010 11:44AM

  Michelle,

As far as the scream/yell theory for heating coffee, after
much deep thought and introspection thinking on this......

I decided I will just use the microwave as it is much faster.
And the winning thought here is that it is also much quieter.

Thanks for the great blog....
Momma

PS: I read this spider thing years ago, so I sleep with a
surgical mask on, just in case spiders attack me in my sleep.
Are we weird, or what???

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PIA2000 9/7/2010 11:30AM

    I thought everyone dreamt in colour!!! However, I dont usually remember my dreams , colourful though they are! SO does this mean I am only smart some of the time ? :P

Either way - I enjoyed reading this one ! Thanks ! :)

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CALIMAN1 9/7/2010 11:26AM

    Hmmm, I see you are beginning to fall under that rarest of conditions...what is that thing called????? I can't think of it. I think Betsy might know though!!!!! emoticon

Aside from this, I will always enjoy any reading that talks about spider munching and enough gas to rival that of an atomic bomb....what is better than that???

Hope u are well my friend...emjoy this beautiful Tuesday....say that like Cary Grant would and it sounds so much better....why is that? Or maybe like that, who is it you like, Geraldo Rivera????? Gerard Depardieu???????

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KAILYNSTAR 9/7/2010 11:24AM

    I did know some of that but I didn't know about the higher the IQ the more you dream and in colour. That means that I must be smart. I like that. I have always dreamed in colour and never understood people telling me that all people dream in black and white. This clears everything up.

I love blogs like this.

Have a great day!

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Go Ahead, Make My Day

Saturday, September 04, 2010

I was at Walmart last night and they are remodeling the store. They have the snack cakes by the bras and underwear and the shoes next to the vaccuum cleaners. I really hope this is only temporary. Or it could be a good thing! If you're thinking about buying the snack cakes, maybe it will make you think how you're going to look a few days later IN that bra. Maybe it's a psychological tool that Walmart is using to help us get fit. The shoes next to the vaccuum cleaners could be a subtle reminder for us to get moving. No? Anyhooo, it sure was a pain in the bum trying to find the coffee filters. They were over in Aisle Four next to the Depends. Even THAT seems fitting in my warped eccentric little mind.

I was pushing the cart over to the produce when one of the wheels got stuck on something on the floor and it discontinued turning. I pulled it backwards, tried again to push it forward; alas, it got hung up again. It was impossible to be inconspicuous because each time I tried it would scream, "Buh-GGGRRRRRRRRR!" An older lady who was next to me gave me a dirty look and slammed her fish sticks into her cart, sighing heavily before squeaking away.

I didn't like her. I didn't like her at all.

And don't ask me HOW THIS happened, but as I was about to leave the aisle, this little kid, about seven years, careened his body into my cart. He was running at break-neck speed and ended up halfway into it, screaming, "OW! MOMMY! MOMMMMMEEEEE!" Quickly looking around for any witnesses, I helped him get back on his feet and said, "You shouldn't be running, little one, you could get hurt!" Rubbing his eyes, he screeched, "I DID get hurt, lady!" Apologizing, as I patted his back, he jerked viciously away from me. Laughing, he said, "I"m going to tell my MOM that you hit me!" and ran off. I hurriedly ran the other direction and got lost in the maze of the mismatched aisles. I watched my back the entire time I was there. I didn't like that kid either.

When I finally got home I texted Breanna and told her how much I missed her. I said, "You should have been with me at Walmart!" She said, "Walmart? WHO needs Walmart! There's a MACY'S here! AND an Elder-Beermans! And I GOT A JOB!!" Yep! She's a working girl now! She is taking on 20 hours a week at the dining hall on campus. It's enough to get her some pocket change and to supplement what we give her. She seemed so.....GROWN UP. I asked her if she needed anything and she replied, "No, Mom, I'm doing fine." WHAT?! Huh?! Hmmm, unlike the little boy who needed HIS mother because he got beat up a little bit, she was facing life head on. She didn't need to scream, "OW! Mom!" She was doing....fine.

Isn't that what I wanted to hear? Did I WANT her to say, "I need you! Can you come?" A small part of me wanted an excuse to go and "HELP" her with something, with anything. But, no, Mom, she is doing fine. NOW whatchya gonna do?

Well, I know ONE thing. I'm "steering" clear of Walmart for awhile. Just until they get the mess, carts, old ladies and the little narks cleaned up. And I will be happy that my little girl is taking the bull by the horns and going for it. Looks like the tables have turned and she's setting the example for me now, huh?





  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEKEIKO 9/7/2010 11:30AM

    The morale of the story is ... quit drinking coffee or you'll end up wearing Depends and have to shop at Walmart and be abused by little brats.

It's so sad when our children go out on their own and don't need us but we still need them. Sounds like mom just needed a hug and for someone to tell her that it's going to be okay.

Mamma bird, your baby is spreading her wings and is going to fly. No worry ... she's knows where the nest is.

Hugs,
Keke

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TRENTDREAMER 9/6/2010 8:12AM

    "There's a MACY'S here! AND an Elder-Beermans! And I GOT A JOB!!" Yep! She's a working girl now! She is taking on 20 hours a week at the dining hall on campus. It's enough to get her some pocket change and to supplement what we give her. She seemed so.....GROWN UP."

* 2 kool!!1 cngrts 2 bre-bre on the job. u should b3 proud as i know u r.

i didnt know i wuz supposed 2 dress up 2 go to walmart. now i know why the people at the $ stores look @ me funny when i wear a suit and tie. lol

Comment edited on: 9/6/2010 8:12:35 AM

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ONEREALLYBIGDOG 9/5/2010 12:41PM

    Too friggin' funny!

I was expecting you to have run over a M&M with that cart wheel and I was waiting to see if you'd eat it or not, LOL
GROSS


Glad Bre' got a job and glad she's getting away from that WallyWorld mentality!

I wish you could see me LMAO

In fact
I'm

ROTF too

Enjoy the rest of your holiday weekend and know that you did a GREAT job as a mom!

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BKNOCK 9/5/2010 8:11AM

    I love your blogs Michelle! I probably would not have been nice to the kid! I probably would have said something like Where is your mother? You should not be running through this store like that! But then again his mother probably wouldn't care!

Sounds like a great day in Walmart! That is why I shop early am before all the crazies come out!

Have a great day!

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SUGARPUNK52 9/5/2010 2:09AM

  Thanks for the laughs! I think you'll have a LONG wait for Wal-Mart to clean it up though.Good luck.

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MUSIC66 9/5/2010 12:26AM

    great blog.

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CHERIRIDDELL 9/5/2010 12:13AM

    I personally think on trips to Walmart we should be equipped with full body Armour or perhaps better still a cloaking device so we can go round pinching little rotters that dare to say things like that kid did to someone trying to help them!!! I loved the blog and you must be so proud of Bre !

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DONGR8NCHARNC 9/5/2010 12:07AM

    As usual you made me smile. I may have to avoid "Wally World" myself. Having an only daughter, I know how it feels to see her take wings and fly; though they must. The adventures of the Williams household never let me down!

Denise
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FLEMIDG 9/4/2010 11:49PM

    Michelle, thanks for another wonderful story of your life. I so enjoy reading your blogs. I can totally sympathize with you. Wal Mart is crazy these days with all the kids shopping for back-to-school stuff. You can't even walk up and down the aisles without people standing there and chatting with one another, and no one seems to have any manners. They will bang into you and just give you a dirty look and keep right on walking. I'm so glad Breanne is doing so well. l know you miss her, but just look at her, she's alone in a strange place and doing well on her own. She even got herself a job. You must be so proud of her. I know you miss her, but things will get easier for you soon.
Take care of yourself. Lots and lots of love goes out to you.
emoticon

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DUTCHIEKIWI 9/4/2010 11:12PM

    Hahahaha, I see myself in you like you would not beleiev, but I'm with Barb... bring it on, get your mum...
you may be big but I'm not scared....!!!


And the old lady... i might have made a little comment or remark...
I'm a badass at the moment, not sure why...
I think it's these sparkfriends winding me up, now I need an outlet...

old ladies at the supermarket will do LOL

;0)

BTW, good going for Bre, show your momma what you're made of! :0)

Comment edited on: 9/4/2010 11:18:58 PM

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 9/4/2010 11:07PM

    I absolutely LOVED your blog and your wonderful sense of HUMOR!!!! Bratty kid! Batty woman! Indeed!

I am so proud of your daughter! You have raised her well!!!!

It's late and I gotta get off my daughter's computer, so have a great weekend! *hugs*

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GEEMAWEST 9/4/2010 9:53PM

    You just have to quit picking on innocent little children and little old ladies. You're going to get a reputation. Oh wait, you already have one. Never mind.
emoticon

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THAMLEY 9/4/2010 9:49PM

    What a brave soul you are. I don't do Walmart. I go when I'm forced-- maybe about twice a year. It's like a three ring circus to me. Too many loud, rude, obnoxious folks--have you seen "the people of walmart" on the net? It's a totally accurate depiction!

I don't think there's a thing to worry about with Breanna--she's gonna make you very proud!

Hope your Holiday weekend is fabulous--be healthy, have fun!
emoticon Tammy

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CARTOONB 9/4/2010 9:42PM

    I would have stayed there and let the kid go get his mom. Bring it! LOL!

LOVE the newspaper article at the end! LOL!!

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WILLOWWINDS 9/4/2010 4:59PM

    I use to HATE Walmart. Always so crowded. Of course the one near me isn't a super one. Only retail stuff.

I am proud of you with the bratty child. I think I would have told him to take me to your Mom and told her off.
You deserve an award for sure.
emoticon

Hmm... I am cranky today. Sorry.

I am sorry your missing Breanna so. On the good side technology at least will make it easier to keep in touch.



emoticon

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DARLENEK04 9/4/2010 3:53PM

  Oh my poorpoor darlin'............after having worked for walmart for
22 years, now you know why I am nuts......remodels.................
......

I have gone thru the kid episode too....only when his mother asked
me to watch where I was going with my cart, I politely told her if
she could control her bratty child he would not have run in to my cart,
therefore, she needed to watch where she was going..............needless
to say, the look in my eye must have given her pause for thought, since
she grabbed the little snot and actually apologized.

Walmart is always interesting to go to when you feel in the need for
playing games..........today it was the "world famous" lets us teens
walk sidebyside and block this whole aisle..........game.

I am a pro at this game myself. So when I barrelled my cart right thru
the middle of them they moved. It was that or I could have run over them
at which time my "oh mah goodness" are ya'll okay???? would have poured
all over them.............see, in alabama they don't know if you are carrying or
not so they rather don't know what to do when one stands ones ground......
heeeeeheeeeeee
<
BR>Have a great week, and be glad you raised a good youngin'....she would
never do some of the stuff I have observed at the local walmarts....yay for
her having a MACYS...I love that store..if they had groceries my life would
be perfect. HA

Take care now,
Mommma

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PJSTIME 9/4/2010 3:48PM

    Walmart was not where you were supposed to be today or at least it doesn't sound like it.

Mom your daughter is growing into a responsible young lady be proud. You raised her to be that way.

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SWISHSTARNAN 9/4/2010 3:20PM

  What a time! Blogging/journaling is a great way to vent - I hope it worked for you!

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Fighting the Heebie-Jeebies

Friday, September 03, 2010

Yes, I'm a freaking mess after dropping Breanna off at college yesterday, but I'm actually better than what I thought I would be. I'm not eating paint chips, combing my cat for hours or eating cake icing straight from the container with my fingers. I actually got up this morning, took a walk, did some light housecleaning and talked to my other son who lives in Arizona for awhile. He, my daughter-in-law and my two grandgirls are going to San Diego for a week of R & R. So, I'm doing okay. Better than what I actually thought I would be doing a few days ago. Yes, I bawled, watched three epidodes of "Dexter" back-to-back and ate several cookies last night. I even slept in Breanna's bed, falling asleep to the sound of her wallclock tick-tick-ticking in the dark.

But I'm okay.

For now, anyways. Now, I'm just wondering about the rest of my life. Should I consider going back to school myself? Should I take some classes that I think would interest me? OR should I do something that I've always wanted to do (like hang glide...my friend has a hang gliding set-up and he has offered to take me on a trial run)? Stop rubbing your eyes, you heard me. Hang glide. Or parachute! The OU campus has it's own airport strip that offers parachuting services to its students. I will be inquiring if this is also available for the parents OF the students. Breanna has already told me SHE would parachute when pigs fly. And with raised eyebrow and a hand on her hips has questioned my sanity for even suggesting it. I AM crazy. But my insanity has been what has kept me sane my entire life. Why stop now? Why limit myself, why not open myself up to all possibilities that this life has to offer? I'm only 41...wait...yeah, I had to do a mental calculation...and I'm not ready to hang it up yet. But I am ready to let it all hang out, so to speak.

But maybe in a few weeks I'll start taking the knocking on my heart more seriously. Right now, I just need to fight the swelling of my heart that hits me while I'm dusting her dresser or finding mismatched socks under her bed. Her keyboard has her fingerprints on the keys and her stereo was still on, volume turned down to her favorite music station. I even found several letters I had written her over the years, carefully folded and placed in her desk drawer. She kept them ALL. I have to smile and fight the tears because I've kept each of hers, too. The ones from camp, the ones she would write while I was at work when she was ten-years-old ("Mom, I wish you were here...Paul and Dad are being mean because they said it was MY turn to do the dishes. I don't like doing dishes. They are gross. And the dishes are gross, too.")

Right now I just want to be here in case she calls home.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREGGWEISBROD 11/17/2013 11:48PM

    I find so much of what you have to write to be so compelling, and I think it's because I find myself at the starting end of a path that you recently saw come to it's natural end. You invested the years, the tears, the fears, and the joys of being a parent, while I'm still not that far from my starting line with that particular race. It became such a huge part of what defined your every day, and then like a bandaid it was ripped from your skin in one swift motion. When change comes by choice that's one thing, but in this sense change was a locomotive that was eventually destined to move it's wheels and leave the station. No choice in the matter, no stopping it, just an empty station once it's gone. I've learned in my life that I've a gift when it comes to empathy - the ability to see life through another's eyes and feel what they're likely feeling. Reading through your journey is even more stirring to me though, I think it's because I feel like I view life in such similar ways as you do. You're a woman of deep passions though, so I kind of already know that you'll have managed to move gracefully and purposefully into this new stage of life... your new normal. Let's keep reading though and find out! :D

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DREMARGRL 9/4/2010 4:17PM

    AHHHHH....the memories. Since my daughter is 42...older than you are...the time does go by. It's heartbreaking when they leave home, but you've done a fine job and now she flys. As for you..I'm sending you that link to the place I do my hang gliding! lol Diversion does help. Then....you can go back to school, too. My heart is with you, darlin'. You will always and forever miss your kids. You are just so fortunate to have all these little ones coming up right behind. XXOO MaryAnn emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHRIS3215 9/4/2010 11:06AM

    I know how you feel when my last left the nest.
Yeah I wanted both my kids to live with us forever & have there families here too..lol
But in real life that dont happen.
it is time for you & you to enjoy yourself.
She is only in school & the holidays will bring her back home to you!!
So go enjoy yourself & LIVE!!
Have a Great day!

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SLIMMERJESSE 9/4/2010 10:59AM

    I say, do all of the things you are pondering. All of them. It is your time. Take it from one who knows. (smiling) Live it up.

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BLAKBIRD 9/4/2010 10:23AM

    emoticon

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PAMNANGEL 9/4/2010 1:14AM

    Go for it! Hang glide, take classes, do it all!

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MADDEELOU 9/4/2010 12:31AM

    emoticon Glad you are doing okay. You deserve some time to yourself so take it when you are ready.

I keep remembering when my mom dropped me off at college. I can't believe it was 25 years ago because it seems like yesterday. I loved college and made some of my best friends there but my mom is still the first person I call when anything happens in my life. She will always be my best friend. I have a feeling things will be that way for you and Breanna.

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CARTOONB 9/4/2010 12:03AM

    Or you could go to detonation school. I know they have one cos my dad went to one for his job. And graduated!

It sounds like you are doing very well. You should absolutely do something for you. You've earned it!

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MUSIC66 9/3/2010 8:54PM

    glad your doing ok

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GEEMAWEST 9/3/2010 8:48PM

    You sound like me when my oldest daughter took my 1st grandchild, who was only 6 weeks old at the time, to Germany to be with her husband who was stationed there. It was heart wrenching. Both DH and I were beside ourselves. We came home from the airport and looked at all the baby stuff everywhere and just cried and cried (both of us). But I just kept busy. It was the only way to keep my sanity.

I think that hang gliding would be cool. Taking classes is a great idea too. The bottom line is that you can do whatever you darn well please. It's time to think of you. So have at it!!

Hugs, G-Ma

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WALKOFFWIN 9/3/2010 7:25PM

    You should definitely go for the hang gliding/parachuting experience!!! It would be a sure thing to take your mind away from where it is now, because at first, you'd be scared you-know-whatless! But then the incredible rush of the experience would amaze and overwhelm you, and when you finally land safely, you'll be ecstatic with joy, because you're still alive!!! Lol :o)

But remember... If at first you don't succeed... then skydiving isn't for you! (TY Steven Wright!) Lol :o)

But yes, by all means, this IS the time to broaden your horizons. Going back to school, or even taking just a few classes sounds like a great idea! Think about other things you've thought you might want to do. And GO for it!!!

I know this is hard for you, Michelle, but this is also an opportunity to start a whole new chapter of your life. Write it well, my dear friend... Write it well.

emoticon

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FLEMIDG 9/3/2010 6:57PM

    Michelle, I know that you are going through a sad time right now, but it won't last forever. Breanne is doing what she wants to do, and she is happy. You taught her well, so she will excel at what she does. Yes, you will miss her, but know that she misses you as well. Take some time to think about what you would like to do. Take some classes that you have been thinking about, find a place to volunteer some time, or if you really want to, go hang gliding or parachute jumping. It's your call. Whatever you do, take care of yourself, and know that we are here if you need to talk or vent or whatever. Love you lots.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WILLOWWINDS 9/3/2010 5:15PM

    You sound like you are doing ok. I know you are very emo now. Hang in there.

emoticon emoticon

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LMB-ESQ 9/3/2010 4:30PM

    Parachuting... hmmm... can I come? LOL

Actually you don't sound as bad as you say you are. You don't come off like a "freaking mess." You sound like a mom whose house is suddenly a little too quiet.

But you know that won't last forever. She'll be home on breaks, and home next summer, and home on the occasional weekend just because. And you'll find your "thing." Just give yourself time. There's no rush. Go ride your bike while the weather is still good. Take your walks every day. Take time to re-notice the rest of the world. And soon enough, you'll figure out what you want to do with yourself. And then you'll come here and blog and tell us all about it! emoticon

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STALEYK 9/3/2010 4:10PM

    Do take time for yourself! I have survived letting two children go...and one 17 hours away to Florida...UGH!

Why not try something adventurous. I have gone Zip-Lining twice this summer. Not letting fear of heights put me in a box. It's not quite as daring as parachuting.

I too feel like this is my time to try things and don't wait to long or your moment will be gone.

It is a good time of soul-searching and finding out what you want to do with the rest of your life. You can try many different things....Enjoy! emoticon

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PJSTIME 9/3/2010 2:48PM

    Take your time and think about what you really want now is the time for you. Yes it is hard to let go but this is just the next phase of life for both of you.

As for parachuting I can only say DH and I did it 3 times and it is an experience that you will never forget.

Go sit and listen to some music and have a glass of tea and relax for the afternoon and think about what you want to do.

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CALIMAN1 9/3/2010 2:47PM

    Michelle, that was a heart-wrenching blog and i feel for you....I guess that you are grieving in a way, but you know what??? She is ok and embarking on a grand adventure herself...one that you helped her prepare for. This is a very special time for her....

and it is a very special time for you as well...don't forget what I am fond of saying...We are God's masterpieces, His poem...and He keeps working on us day by day...and His poem is amazing and as vibrant as the oceans that teem with His creation.

This is your time to continue to rediscover YOU...Steelerthang...wife...daughte
r...mother....sister...dear friend...artist....author...and who knows what else you can add to that resume'!

Cry when you want to cry, smile when you are ready to smile, laugh like a crazy person, and dance in the warmth of God's embrace....this is Bre's journey...and it is also yours....and even though you won't see it necessarily today, your journeys will always be linked in the beauty and passion of your hearts...

always.

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JRDIAMOND4 9/3/2010 2:33PM

    Take the "ME time" and do whatever knocks your boots off.

Since, my DH knocked some sense into me(not literally, but I do have a hard head) I have been a lot better. I still have my moments, like Cody not calling last night and saying he was staying with his cousin on a work night but I have to LET LIVE. He will be 21yrs old and I would rather share him with the world than an in-law. LOL The world I can open a can of whoop butt on!! LOLOL

Do you know that you carry a child for nine months, stretch your body all out of shape, go through the most horrendous pain to give birth to a child you would die for. You spend the next X number of years kissing booboos, wiping dirty noses, and butts. Then as you delight, in the years watching them become young adults and dealing with heart wrenching pain because they have reached an age they get booboos you can't kiss and make better. Some stranger comes along sweeps your child off their feet. They sign a piece of paper, say two words I DO before loving friends and family and they take your child away. This stranger has more rights to your child than you do. NOW, I ask you IS THAT FAIR?!?

The one thing that makes this all better is GRANDKIDS!! WhooHOO!!

Michelle, you will be fine. You will find your groove. Life will be good again. Just breathe.

Have a great weekend,
Jan

ps I am not in-law bashing, I am one of those strangers. lololololol I was the worse, I took the last one. THE BABY lololol







Comment edited on: 9/3/2010 2:35:02 PM

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DARLENEK04 9/3/2010 2:33PM

  Okay, dumplin, if you are going in parachute and hang glide,
which is to me like jumpin off a bridge with a rope and with
my luck it would break and I can't swim,

THEN I get to go do what I have always wanted to do!!!! No,
it is not drive at Nascar, that is a little slow for what I
have in mind............................>
I want to fly an F-18 fighter jet............WOOHOOOOOOOO...
n
ow that would be some speed I could get in to....YAHOOOOOOOOO..

David has flown in every kind of plane and jumped out of a bunch
of them....he said he didn't much want to do it for fun, but...

Mommad

ps: maybe we can see where you get your need for speed

Comment edited on: 9/3/2010 2:33:40 PM

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THEBOOKBINDER 9/3/2010 2:21PM

    WOW I can feel your pain I really can. You know my Skylar doesn't live with me so I know how it feels to have to part with a child. It tears a small part of you out. Makes one feel incomplete, and questions your very being and existence, purpose. If you need a shoulder, Sis, I will always be here for you!

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ONEREALLYBIGDOG 9/3/2010 2:11PM

    That was a good idea to sleep in her bed, but it won't be good for long.

Did she tell you that she left limburger cheese hidden in her closet along with three pounds of chicken livers, UN COOKED? The critters will be crawling ALL over it soon as will the ghost and goblins of her childhood past.
L
O
L


I did handstands and cartwheels when my daughter left but those were different scenario involved too.

I'm proud of you by your reported walk and light house cleaning after she left. I'm also QUITE confident that you will excel in her absence too!

Have a SPlendid Holiday weekend
If you need to get more house cleaning chores done, you have our address still, don't you?

TTYL

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BKNOCK 9/3/2010 1:45PM

    See, I could never write such a beautiful blog! You really know how to bare your soul! Thanks for sharing and you are still in my thoughts and prayers!

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EVRLNGFOO 9/3/2010 1:42PM

    i think you're in a great place in your life to start on a new journey. taking classes sounds like an excellent idea, or even starting a whole new career. parachuting and hang gliding! do it! live it up!

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SCMAMAJONES 9/3/2010 1:40PM

    We all go through stages in life...I started later, so I'm 42 and my kids are in 2nd and 3rd grade! You just have to find your next stage, that is all, and find it you will. I can't even imagine how I will feel when I am 51 [EGADS] and my oldest leaves home. But you are strong! Hang in there. Hugs!

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 9/3/2010 1:32PM

    Oh, sweet friend, I nearly had to read your blog in stages! You made me want to laugh, cry, and smile all in the same five minutes!

What a great momma you are! We must have some pretty special, wonderful kids, don't we?

I have learned something that I think you'll find true....

Home is always HOME. Even when my married grown girls talk about visiting us, they say, "Well, we've been talking about coming HOME to see you guys..."

We raised them right, yes we did! Hang in there, sweet friend!

emoticon emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 9/3/2010 1:32PM

    Oh, sweet friend, I nearly had to read your blog in stages! You made me want to laugh, cry, and smile all in the same five minutes!

What a great momma you are! We must have some pretty special, wonderful kids, don't we?

I have learned something that I think you'll find true....

Home is always HOME. Even when my married grown girls talk about visiting us, they say, "Well, we've been talking about coming HOME to see you guys..."

We raised them right, yes we did! Hang in there, sweet friend!

emoticon emoticon

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DARLENEK04 9/3/2010 1:21PM

  Carry your cell phone wherever you go, like it never leaves
my possession in case - just in case - my son will text me
on his breaks at work, and I know DD will not call during
certain hours, because they are not allowed to take their cell
phones into the prison(yes-you read that right)(DD and SIL are
C.O.'s(correctional officers) and believe me, she can crank a
shell in a shotgun fast as a blink of an eye.

Truthfully, David calls me more than anyone. Sometimes if he
thinks I have gotten lost in Walmart.........LOL

Stay strong Michelle, you will survive this. Stay busy, do
NOT go hang gliding or parachuting and that is an order from
me........Harley riding is okay..........

Hugs,
Darl
ene

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 9/3/2010 1:06PM

    You are a great mom! I hope she does call home but then that might be tough all over again. Take your time finding your path. It will be there when you are ready.

Sending lots and lots of hugs your way!

emoticon

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