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Giving Thanks EVERY Day...

Saturday, November 24, 2012

It's been awhile since I've blogged. Time has been whizzin' by so quickly these last few weeks that at certain points I've forgotten to breath. A new job, a newly-found excitement in my relationships here at home have all taken up the majority of my time although I still sneak in here and spy on yer all's pages from time-to-time. Yeah, it's like that. It's my way of staying connected and keeping an eye on all of you trouble-makers, lol.

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone but this year's holiday was a different. It was the first time in SEVERAL years that I spent it with my father-in-law and mother-in-law and it was not a disappointment. We seemed to be able to flawlessly pick up where we left off and it was a treat in itself, aside from the vast array of "goodies" that were on the holiday table spread. (Bre has been down, too! We are putting up the tree during the Michigan/Ohio State game as we do every year.)

My job is different/weird/exciting. Fast-paced. Requiring alot of manual dexterity which I don't have but I AM LEARNING very quickly. My co-workers have come to appreciate my awkwardness and get great joy out of watching me walk into coat racks, losing combustible cans into the machines and sliding across the catwalks like they're made of ice. I am moving to second shift this coming Monday and they each have hugged me tightly and told me they are going to miss my one-woman comedy act. Lol. But the coolest thing about my job is the fact that this place really cares about the community and gives back, especially to the younguns. I was "all over that" the third day I was there and have joined two organizations that serve 23 community agencies. It is very satisfying. :) Plus I get to wear a hard hat!

Mr. Steelkickin and I have enjoyed several days off together. We have been blessed with this time in more ways than one. It saddens my heart to say this but he has to go for a biopsy on December 10th. I can't seem to get a few things straight out of him because I did not go with him for his follow-up on the bloodwork he received. He is not very good with medical terminology, but he is internally bleeding. It has something to do with his bladder, prostate and/or kidneys so I ask that you keep him in your prayers. It is a humbling reminder that we are human and things can go wrong. His side of the family has been plagued with cancer. Perhaps our "reconciliation" has came for a reason. I plan on being on my knees alot in prayer. I plan on sticking steadfastly by his side. I plan on fighting with him all the way if "fighting" is what we need to do. I plan on and WILL be the strength that he needs.

I hope that you each had a blessed Thanksgiving. I hope that you are enjoying your weekend and getting to spend as much time with your loved ones as possible. There is nothing more magnificent than relishing in the warmth of family, holding hands, hugging and just being present in the moment. We are never guaranteed another holiday. We are never guaranteed another day PERIOD. So I ask that you do YOURSELF a favor and kiss the lips that are smiling at you. Reach out and touch the cheek of your child, husband, mother, father, sister, brother, friend. Melt in the warmth of their embraces and laughter. Devour each precious second of their presence. Give thanks EVERY day for their life and the role that they play in YOURS...

God bless you. I love you. Most of all, I give thanks for you and the blessings that you have brought to me. You are all beautiful and precious in God's eyes and mine.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUNIAATROME 12/13/2012 11:45AM

    Love you! You have it in you to make people happy. I know you are strong to walk through all this. And I know that God gives good gifts. I wish you and Brian the best of them! emoticon

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GETTINGFIT4HIM 12/10/2012 1:15AM

  Praying for you and DH!! Keep us posted!!

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SHARON10002 12/4/2012 12:02AM

    I am so very happy to read that your Thanksgiving reunion was all you had hoped and prayed for and more! Your blog of driving to see your mother-in-law still is with me as I write this today. What a true Thanksgiving blessing!

So very happy, too, that you are loving your new job, and being embraced lovingly and joyously by your new co-workers.

I am so sorry to hear about your DH, and will keep you both in my prayers. Believe that your prayer is already answered. . .

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CATMAGNET 11/28/2012 2:04PM

    I'm so glad that you had such a great Thanksgiving, and I will make sure that your hubby is in my prayers...and of course, the cats' purrs. Never underestimate the power of kitty healing!

Love ya girl! ::hugs::

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LALMEIDA 11/27/2012 11:21PM

  Glad that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Praying for your husband and you. Hope he recovers quickly.

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BRADMILL2922 11/27/2012 5:14PM

    You should take that one-woman comedy act on the road! I'm sure it would be worth the price of admission ;)

Sorry to hear about what your husband is going through. I am sending all my good thoughts your way in hopes that everything turns out ok! It is a humble reminder on how precious life can be. I have no doubt that you will be the strength and that everything will turn out ok. I believe that!

I am glad to hear that you had a great Thanksgiving weekend with everyone including your in-laws. I am sure that had to be a lot of fun and I am glad you got to experience that after years of not being able to. Little things like that can be the biggest blessings in our lives. We all should give thanks for those things and more! What we live on a daily basis is beautiful, despite any hardships that we may go encounter. Those hardships just make it all the more sweeter!

Live, love, and laugh! Love you Michelle!

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BKNOCK 11/27/2012 12:06PM

    Wow, you never told me about Brian! I am glad I finally took a minute to read your blog. I am so happy to hear that Thanksgiving went well and you know that you are all in my prayers! emoticon

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STAYCXL-NOMORE 11/26/2012 10:39AM

    Glad you had a great Thanskgiving with your in-laws and all the blessings coming your way. I will keep you and your family in my prayers , hope your husbands thing goes okay. Have an amazing week yourself Michelle !
Stayc

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WALLAHALLA 11/25/2012 11:33PM

    love your positive vibes

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TRENTDREAMER 11/25/2012 4:47PM

    :)

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JADOMB 11/25/2012 1:27PM

    I will definitely keep your hubby and you in my prayers. Stay strong, stay upbeat and keep the faith.

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 11/25/2012 7:19AM

    Sending positive thoughts and prayers for your DH in that all will work itself out. It's wonderful that your renewed love is there... and will be a great source of strength and will for him. emoticon

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MISHKALA 11/24/2012 9:30PM

    God never gives us more than we can handle, and know that He is with you. Your message hits home, and you are an example for so many to keep positive, even in times of adversity. God bless, and I'll be praying for you and your family. emoticon

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DOVESEYES 11/24/2012 7:36PM

    Thanks for sharing always a pleasure to read your blog.
Will be praying for you and hubby in the coming days it is a hard time and you feel like your world has stopped and everyone else is carrying on.

My hubby went through a similar time a few years ago.

But The Sparkers are lovely people and it is a blessing to know you can be so open and be heard.

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KING_SLAYER 11/24/2012 6:23PM

    Glad to hear that your Thanksgiving went so well but also sorry to hear about your husband's upcoming biopsy. I've already said a prayer for him and your family, God bless and God speed.

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AJDOVER1 11/24/2012 5:56PM

    You and your family (especially your husband) are in my prayers.

I'm very thankful that you wear a hardhat on your job. Perhaps you could keep it on during the other 16 hours of your day.... (just a thought)

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CARTOONB 11/24/2012 3:30PM

    Can I come watch you work for one day? emoticon

My thoughts and prayers are with you and the mister.

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KONRAD695 11/24/2012 3:15PM

    I've never met you, but I know I Love You. Thank you for showing yourself again. I will pray for your husband, and for your strength. Lighting a candle every night.

Enjoy the win and perfect season.

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SPUNKYDUCKY 11/24/2012 12:03PM

    It warms the soul to read such genuine gratitude for life. It sounds like things are going very well. I hope everything goes well with your husband's biopsy.


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RAYLIENET 11/24/2012 11:55AM

    You are such an upbeat and positive person, I will be thinking of you and your family as well as praying.

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I Met My Husband Today

Thursday, November 08, 2012

I had no idea.

I had no idea that my lifestyle has felt "threatening" to my husband.

I had no idea that my time writing, painting, hiking, has left him feeling so ignored, unneeded and often times, unappreciated. I've spent so much time trying to find MYSELF that I left HIM behind. I had no idea. Until he TOLD me. Allow me to rephrase. Until he screamed it at me. Out of frustration. MANY hurtful things were said on both sides. I felt at the end of my rope. I left two weekends ago. For two and a half days.

But he called and asked me to come home for the Steelers game. WTH? He hates the Steelers. But I drove home and we barely spoke to one another until today. My heart was literally breaking into a million pieces inside. Were the things he said true? Was what I said true? Were we seriously growing apart on every level, not caring about the other, two worlds drifting apart, no longer attracted to one another, no longer willing to bend with the tide?? I was deeply scared. He and I have been through alot in our twenty+ years together and I was beginning to think that we were not going to make it through this one intact. In fact, for the last five years we have been mimicking our former selves...braving a face in front of others, tolerating each other at home.

But this morning...thank God for brand new days...he came to me. Before I knew it, he threw his arms around me, lifted me from the floor and squeezed so hard that it took my breath. I was flabbergasted; if truth be told, I was at a loss for what to do. I eyed him suspiciously as he sat me down and that is when I noticed the tears in his eyes. He asked me if I still loved him. He asked me if I was changing so I could leave him. He asked me if I thought he was too old for me. He asked me why I spent so much time writing, painting, doing the things that he couldn't do with me...it all came rushing out in a torrent of anger, sadness, incredible honesty. He ended by saying I "left" him the day he almost died on the operating table in 2006.

God, that hit home.

Reeling, I couldn't think of a single thing to say. I had to excuse myself and I ran on my hiking trail, trying to make sense of what was said. But then I had to face the realization that what he said WAS true. And I had to face the fact that I DID "leave" him that day. I realized it was because I feared the day he WOULD leave me in that aspect and it was an incredible selfish act of self-preservation. Then suddenly, as if a movie projector was playing in my head, my mind started to replay the moments that he was reaching out to me over the years and I did not reciprocate. I sat under a tree and cried until I was literally gasping for air. Incredible shame enveloped me. Incredible pain shot through my heart...

I arrived in the back door and he was drying the dishes that I was washing before I left. He looked at me and he saw my swollen puffy eyes; laying the dishtowel down on the counter he held his arms out to me.

I ran into them so hard I almost knocked him down. He buried his face into my hair and I soaked the front of his shirt with slobber and more tears. Then he told me he was sorry. Gut wrenched with shame I whispered, "No...no...I AM SORRY..."

We spent the rest of his time home before work glued to one another. Like, two really silly kids that just found a friend in each other. Oh, we have alot of work to do, but suddenly I don't feel so alone. I don't feel so alienated. I don't feel the need to worry if I am loved...or if I love him...

I had no idea.

But now I do.

And now I can rebuild. Allow me to rephrase once again...now WE can rebuild.

It suddenly isn't so lonely anymore.

God bless you all today. Don't take anything for granted. Don't withhold love or hugs from the person in your life. Make every effort to appreciate them, understand them, but MOST IMPORTANTLY, listen to them...

By the way, this is Mr. Steelkickin...

I'm happy to have met him today.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PJSTIME 12/18/2012 7:44PM

    I am so glad that the honesty came out and you can now have a new beginning at wonderful new relationship. Your 20+ years can now double as you find newness in your relationship again.

What a great way to go into the holidays.

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KRITTERKEEPERS 12/12/2012 12:42AM

    I'm glad Mr. Steelkickin was honest with you about his feelings. Openness and honesty are the foundation for a great marriage. You have both made a great start!
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MISSUSRIVERRAT 12/9/2012 8:02AM

    I had a similar "discussion" with my husband about a month ago, only I was the one doing the shouting and crying out. I also did a sort of similar blog about this event and ended up deleting that particular blog but kept the blog of the next day that had more of a conclusion. Anyway,
I certainly can relate to this blog and, like many other commenters, brought me to tears. This marriage/relationship thing ain't so easy.


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LEMONYLOLA 11/19/2012 6:09AM

    i'm so happy it worked out for you and you were able to find each other again. thank you for sharing!

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SPUNKYDUCKY 11/18/2012 12:54PM

    wow - what an incredibly precious moment in your life that you were both able to break through years of mistrust and communicate so openly with so much love - it literally brings tears to my eyes. Wow.

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BKNOCK 11/14/2012 2:26PM

    Beautiful blog my friend! Nice to finally meet Mr. Steelkickin!
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JAYMELYNN5 11/14/2012 1:32PM

    omgoodness...I have goosebumps from head to toe!!! What a beautiful blog!! Thank you for sharing I'm so moved right now!!

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JBEAUFORD 11/10/2012 8:32PM

    What a touching thing to write. Tomorrow is my 5th anniversary with my 2nd husband. Trust me when I say that you do not want to find out how hard it is to make that fresh start, and you actually love your husband, so it is worth fighting for. My first husband was abusive in nearly every sense of the word, and by the time I got up the nerve to finally leave, I had lost faith that good men even existed. It sounds like you've got one right there. Take care of each other and may you have many more decades of happiness together!

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WORKNGONMENOW 11/10/2012 8:24PM

    glad that you and Brian have found eachother again.
Joe,and i went through the same thing,and it was hard.
love u so much

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AJDOVER1 11/10/2012 4:22PM

    you are so blessed -- and so is he

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FITGRL124 11/10/2012 9:22AM

    Your blog post made me cry. What an incredible, honest post. Thank you so much for sharing. Good luck to you both for a long happy 20+ more! emoticon

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TRENTDREAMER 11/10/2012 7:34AM

    "He ended by saying I "left" him the day he almost died on the operating table in 2006. "
* Ouch.


" I sat under a tree and cried until I was literally gasping for air. Incredible shame enveloped me. Incredible pain shot through my heart... "
* You mention God at the end of almost every blog with a reference to being loved by Him. He's taken much guilt, shame and self-unforgiveness away from me this past year. He can do the same for you.


"And now I can rebuild. Allow me to rephrase once again...now WE can rebuild.
It suddenly isn't so lonely anymore. "
* :)



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HDHAWK 11/9/2012 10:11PM

    How wonderful that your husband told you what was on his mind. You can't really move forward if you don't know the other person's feelings. It's a balance to be who you are and do what you love and include another person at the same time. Good luck to both of you. I have a good feeling about this!

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JUSTLIKEALICE 11/9/2012 9:47PM

    I am delighted to meet you both. I send you both love, and wish you all the happiness in the world for your future.

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DOVESEYES 11/9/2012 9:27PM

    Loved this blog thanks for putting it on, what a monumental turning point.
It is great you are both able to move on in a better place from a bitter, sad place.

How wonderful that you have caused us all who read this to pause and consider our own relatiionships.

Happy for you both. emoticon emoticon

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ALWYS-LKN-UP 11/9/2012 9:00PM

    I had read your blog quite a few hours ago & wanted to let it 'swish' around. Funny thing is is I was driving home tonight, rummaging thru all 3 radio stations that we get in the northwoods & heard this song. Steve Holy 'Love Don't Run.' I thought of you instantly.

I know you know that you are never given more than you can handle. You & your husband have got this, I feel in my core that this is doable, fixable. You both are evolving. How cool is that to rediscover your best friend?! Enjoy the journey :)

Deanna

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MRFUZZ 11/9/2012 8:56PM

    Oh, you made me cry! Good tears! I'm so happy for you! What a sweet, wonderful blog! And a good reminder for the rest of us!

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CALIMAN1 11/9/2012 8:23PM

    amazing blog that touched my heart in so many ways. You are both incredibly blessed to have (found) one another (again). amazing.

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SAMMIESMOM13 11/9/2012 6:24PM

   
Good luck as you get re-acquainted and renewed. God Bless.

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SINGER73 11/9/2012 4:03PM

    That was just beautiful. I'm glad that you guys found each other again. It's gives the rest of us hope.

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AWOLF24 11/9/2012 3:53PM

    Fantastic blog. I am so happy for both of you. I'm sitting here at work with tears in my eyes after reading this...

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WALLAHALLA 11/9/2012 3:23PM

    Best blog I've read in a coon's age! You are a lucky woman. Too many men won't verbalize what they are feeling, they just leave. Hope you two find time for a 2nd honeymoon so that you can leave the cares of the world behind and just celebrate each other!

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CELESTE_B 11/9/2012 2:14PM

    I absolutely loved your honestly and feeling in your blog.

It's so easy to get wrapped up in your own life/issues that you totally forget about what the other person may be going through or feeling or thinking for that matter.

Thanks for sharing because it really brings me to a reality that I really need to appreciate my husband a little more.

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KING_SLAYER 11/9/2012 2:09PM

    Congratulations on "finding" each other again. Communicating is such an easy thing to do, but so often we forget to do it until it's too late. Good for your husband for not letting it get to "too late".

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DAUGHTEROFTWIN 11/9/2012 12:50PM

    It sounds as if you and Mr. SK just unlocked the padlock to the next 20+ years. Keep communicating. Loved this blog!

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ANNANN63 11/9/2012 10:40AM

    I thank God that the two of you really talked. One thing I learned a few months ago: Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not promised, all we truly have is today. Plan your life as if you will live to be 100 and live each day as if it is your last.

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DABLUECAT 11/9/2012 10:14AM

    Good for you both. emoticon

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SEXBOBOMB 11/9/2012 9:58AM

    This blog gives us just enough to understand and sympathize with what you both are going through without revealing the details that are unnecessary for us to know and invasive of yours & the Mister's privacy.

As traumatic as the discussions you've had may have been, they've opened a new door to your relationship, a wonderful thing! Cheers to that, and to that healing hug in the kitchen.

I've got a good feeling about the both of you!
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Comment edited on: 11/9/2012 9:59:27 AM

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JADOMB 11/9/2012 9:53AM

    I am so glad that you have found your husband and that he has found you. These things happen with time and the pressures of life hitting us day in and day out. Also with your empty nest, it makes it harder to reconnect after so many years of putting time into raising good children. I truly know where you are coming from and my wife and I are also having to open our eyes and ears more to each other. We too find ourselves getting struggling to recognize and to reconnect in areas that we just took for granted.

So my prayers go out to you guys and I know you will do fine. Just be as patient and understanding now as you have been in the past and you may just find that you guys have a much stronger bond that you ever realized during all those years of just taking care of business. God bless

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CATMAGNET 11/9/2012 9:50AM

    You never fail to move me, darlin'. I know that when one person makes dramatic changes in a couple, it's hard sometimes for the other one to compensate. It's respect and communication that are truly the glue in any relationship. It sounds like you discovered that with your husband.

I wish you the best in this new chapter of your relationship with him! :)

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LIZZYP609 11/9/2012 9:02AM

    As I have shared with you, I too went through this with my husband just a few short years ago. We have rebuilt our marriage and I am so happy with him and all of his little faults. I...no WE still have to struggle not to fall into old habits, but I can't stand to not text, speak or touch him multiply times in a day. He is my life.
I have faith in you and Mr SK will build a better marriage and life together. It will be hard but you will do it!

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MELTEAGUE 11/9/2012 8:42AM

    Wow! you had my in tears!Thank you for your honesty! You are a great writer too!

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CRYSTALJEM 11/9/2012 8:31AM

    This such a wonderful wonderful blog. It brought tears to my eyes, I can relate to it so much. I am so happy for you. Wishing you both the best of this part of your journey together. I hope it is all you both want it to be - and more. Thank you for sharing with us.

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JENNIFER_67 11/9/2012 6:42AM

    I am so happy you have found yourselves again.

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SARASMILING 11/9/2012 6:31AM

    emoticon

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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 11/9/2012 6:10AM

    This is an issue with my 20+ year marriage also.

That little insecure boy lives in all men. Good luck and keep us posted!

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FAERY_FACE 11/9/2012 4:52AM

    I am so glad that you've come to a point of starting anew. May the rest of your lives together be incredibly beautiful and wonderful and so much more than either of you could have hoped for or dreamed of.

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DJ4HEALTH 11/9/2012 12:08AM

    So glad that you were able to talk and will be working on your marriage. I think with your weight loss that he may have thought that you would leave him for some younger guy. Yes men do think that way. As with all people we do not like change and sometimes it is hard to change even if it is for our health.

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SHARON10002 11/8/2012 11:18PM

    Michelle, I admire your COURAGE and honesty in writing something like this for all of us to read. Isn't it amazing what our minds can make us do? Our insecurities? I have no doubt you two are in it for the long haul and will grow old together as you move forward. Your love for one another comes through in your actions in the midst of all of this. You've given us all something to think about. . . emoticon

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BRADMILL2922 11/8/2012 11:18PM

    That was so incredibly honest, powerful, heartbreaking, and inspiring all rolled into one. Hate hearing you guys having to go through such heartache but these are the things that we work through and come out on the other side so much better off!

I believe you guys will do just that. Now that it is all on the table, you guys can begin to rebuild. It will take work but I am sure that it will be worth it in the end!

I wish both of you nothing but the best and much, much better days to come!

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JERMADSON7 11/8/2012 10:48PM

    Ha! Looks like those woods are good for more than just hiking, SK...

This is precisely why we respect you. You're not afraid to tell it. Gives us all something to chew on for a little while.

You guys are going to be just fine. Trust that.
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ANDREAG89 11/8/2012 10:31PM

    What an amazing outpouring of emotions. Thank you so much for sharing such intimate details of something that might not have been that easy to admit to yourself, then alone to a i-world full of strangers. It's a great reminder to remember and be with our loved ones during our quest to find ourselves.

THANK YOU.

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SASIKHASI1 11/8/2012 10:28PM

    I just went and did something to my husbad that rocked his boat!! LOL He was shocked and very surprised. We need to remember our men and what they are about for sure.

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KIPPER15 11/8/2012 10:15PM

    Wow, very powerful, thank you for sharing. I wish you the best of luck. emoticon

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KONRAD695 11/8/2012 10:14PM

    emoticon A lot of them. I understand. emoticon

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IAMLOVEDBYYOU 11/8/2012 9:59PM

    I love this. Love love love.

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HHB4181 11/8/2012 9:57PM

    wow.... i hope you guys work it out, sounds like you're on the right path. emoticon

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MYOWNHERO 11/8/2012 9:47PM

    What a beautiful story!

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HUNGRY4ACUREMOM 11/8/2012 9:43PM

    Thank you for your honesty. It truly made me look at my relationship with my husband tonight! I wish you two the best!

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 11/8/2012 9:40PM

    What an incredible blog... I'm happy that you met your husband again today... Life truly is short and we should never take anything for granted.

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Just One Thing At A Time

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

You know it's gonna be one of those days when you wake up and give yourself a black eye. Shuffling around in the dark at 5:30 a.m. is never a good idea especially when your intent is to make a cup of tea. That means leaving the cabinet door open, forgetting you leave it open, then turning around and driving your eye into the corner of it. What made it really scary for a moment is the fact that when the pain shot through my socket, I fell back and stepped on a grape on the floor. Pop and squirt. (Check to see if the eye is still in your head before you scream.)

I spent the next 50 minutes on the treadmill with a bag of frozen corn of my face.

Since I wanted to go early to vote to avoid the long lines, I hurriedly got dressed and headed to Liberty. That's when I ran over the squirrel. I wasn't too happy. (Neither was the squirrel.) Shoot, it bothered me so bad, I can't even remember who I voted for.

On the way home, though, Ms. Storts from the Motorcycle Ranch called and informed me that she sold one of my paintings yesterday. I was so ecstatic that I barely missed the guard rail turning onto my road. Quickly hanging up, the phone rang again and it was Evil Derrick and his Cohort Mary. My hiking buddies. No. I do not feel bad for calling them Evil and Cohort. These people are out to get me on every level imaginable but oddly enough I like them. And since Derrick had to be at work earlier today could I meet them at Pine Ridge as soon as possible for our hike??

Evil thought my eye looked funny. Cohort took compassion on me. Then they switched. Evil said, "Aww, poor baby..." as Cohort tried to poke it with a twig. Gasping, Evil swatted it away and told us to get our butts in gear. These people are relentless. You either keep up or you're left to get eaten by the deer and snakes. In my case it was a beetle or a beetle-like creature. But it didn't eat me...I ate it. And I gagged. And I choked. Then I SWEAR TO YOU it came out my nose. I caught up to Evil and Cohort and they were standing with arms around each other. Whispering, giggling and staring at one another off to the side of the trail. My heart wrenched. I stopped and watched quietly as they sweetly kissed each others cheek and tears came to my eyes. Such a loving and tender display....

Hugging my goodbyes and a "see ya guys soon" I headed toward home. Entering the house I was dumbfounded by pieces of corn peppered from the gym room, to the living room, into the kitchen. WTH?? Then I realized it was from the bag I had earlier that morning and it had sprung a leak. Cleaning it up I looked at the empty house and listened to the subtle hum of the refrigerator....

I listened to the messages on the home phone. One was Barack Obama urging me to get out and vote for him. A little late for that, buddy. Oopsie.

Then silence. Again. But if I listened hard enough, I swear, I could almost hear the laughter of Bre and Paul through the walls. From years gone by...

I busied myself with painting until my eyes began to cross. I was too keyed up anyways to make any sense of the canvas before me so I decided to make some spaghetti. I realized I made too much so I put some in a dish and took it down to my neighbor across the street. He is mentally challenged, living alone and I worry about him sometimes.

Now I am home. Anxiously awaiting Monday when I will be going back to work. It will be a good diversion. I haven't been going through the best of time as of late but I'm hoping that will change. If not...well, I am trying not to think of the "if nots." I'm just going to take it one day at a time and praying the "if not" won't happen...

One day at a time. As messed up as it can be sometimes, just one day at a time.

God bless all. Wishing you all a beautiful day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOLAINSC 11/8/2012 8:27PM

    After a day like that, all I can say is that I hope you have a much better tomorrow.
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AJDOVER1 11/8/2012 1:42PM

    I'm thinking maybe you need some adult supervision. I realize God is looking out for you, but sometimes that just might be for the amusment factor. luvu!

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JADOMB 11/7/2012 10:13AM

    And may all your days be blessed.

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KONRAD695 11/7/2012 12:46AM

    What a doofess. You're so cool. emoticon emoticon

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FLEMIDG 11/7/2012 12:30AM

    Michelle, I love reading your blogs. Thanks so much for making me laugh so hard. I am sorry you injured your eye, I hope it feels better soon. Hope things improve for you very soon. Take care of yourself. Sending you lots of love and lots of hugs.

Darlene


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GEEMAWEST 11/6/2012 11:44PM

    You scare me sometimes. emoticon

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BRADMILL2922 11/6/2012 11:04PM

    Yep, one day at a time.

Hope your eye is feeling better and it doesn't look too bad. Sounds like it hurt and then to step on a grape to boot...scary thought! Have you seen Bubble Boy? Something to think about ;)

Sounds like you have some good hiking buddies to push you and to have a good time with. Sounds like my kind of peeps!

For future reference, stay clear of the squirrels and watch out for those deer...they'll get ya! That was very sweet to take your neighbor some dinner but I'm not surprised! You're an angel!

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CARTOONB 11/6/2012 9:41PM

    Only you can give yourself a black eye and then think you had squashed it! I laughed so hard!

I'm very glad that you are starting work on Monday. Sounds like you need it!

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BKNOCK 11/6/2012 9:22PM

    You always make me laugh! I am glad that you get to hike with some friends! Can you come to my neighborhood and wipe out some squirrels? Lol!

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JERMADSON7 11/6/2012 8:15PM

    You seriously need a 24-hour body guard. I love ya girl.

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SPUNKYDUCKY 11/6/2012 8:03PM

    Amusing story of a long day! Sorry about the squirrel!

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WALLAHALLA 11/6/2012 7:58PM

    Thanks for sharing and giving my a huge laugh at your expense. No it isn't funny to have so much ouchie and ickity going on, but it is funny to read about.

May tomorrow be filled with 1o times as many delights as today's pitfalls.

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KING_SLAYER 11/6/2012 6:25PM

    Like they say, "it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye". Luckily, you didn't lose an eye, so I suppose it was all fun and games for you!

Sounds like you accomplish more during your day than I accomplish during my week! You go girl :) Voting and cooking and taking extras to your neighbor... are you Wonder Woman?

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SHARON10002 11/6/2012 6:07PM

    OUCH emoticon! I could totally feel myself in that whole scenario as I was reading!
All in all the rest of the day seemed to get better after running over the squirrel
emoticon. So glad you sold one of your paintings! emoticon

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KIMCOLLINGS 11/6/2012 5:35PM

    Wow! What a day you had. Nice you were able to get out for a hike and take your neighbor some dinner. You're a sweetie! Hope your eye is better soon. That made me cringe just thinking about how much that would hurt. Take it easy the rest of the day!!

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It Is What I Am Not That Makes Me Who I Am...

Sunday, November 04, 2012

So many times...

So many years I've given to bettering myself. I've been on journey after journey to find my personal Nirvana, longing to find that tender balance of spiritual, mental, physical stability that we ALL crave as soulful creatures. Even as I write this I am still searching for my place in this big wide open world...

I could tell you who I am until my voice is hoarse and my face turns seven shades of blue. I can tell you my favorite time of day (and night), my favorite color, my favorite music or why I like to get lost in certain romance novels when I have had a trying day. I can also tell you, while I'm practical and methodical most days, I like giving in to the whimsical spiritual side of me, enjoying utterly sweet spontaneity.

But I think it is who I am not that gives me a clearer definition of the person I see each time I look into the mirror.

As I look back on my life I see the moments, sometimes the not-so-wondrous-moments, that could have changed the way I see life. Or worse yet, altered the way I LIVE life. But there is something in the deepest part of me that refuses to give up the notion, that in the end of all things said-and-done, that I will stand before a Higher Being. One who will ask me, judge me, on how fair I've weathered the storms...

I realized that I am not someone who can lie down and allow life to pass me by. I cannot watch from the sidelines and not long to join in. I want to somehow, some way, make my world a better place to be, not just for me, but for others who share it with me.

I am not someone who cannot forgive. The hardest part, I've learned, is not forgiveness of others. It is the forgiveness of self.

I am not someone who cannot see past my own pain to be there for others during their own.

I am not someone to truly hate. I've been angry, yes, but to hate? Hatred to me is little deaths to the soul that can eat away at the most precious part of you...

I am not that person you will find talking behind your back. I will laugh with you but never at you.

I am not someone who can say all the right things to make you feel better. But I will listen with an open heart and let you find a soft place to rest in the solace of my arms.

I am not just "that girl" with lupus. There are times I cry in private because the make-up can't conceal the rash. There is a place in the smallest part of me that is still frightened of what you might think when you look at me...

I won't become someone I am not just so you will like me better.

I am not a triathlete. Oh, I would like to be! But I have given birth to what I am and I thank God, when I hike, I am able to take the time to see the beautiful things around me. They are creations on His canvas, given the breath of life to be all things great and small.

I am not a person who places much emphasis in material things. I like nice things, yes, but I can't take them to Heaven with me. I can also appreciate the appearance of a handsome man or a lovely woman but that is not what I value. It isn't what makes me want to know you. It is your heart inside of you that makes me ache to love you more...

I am not an option. You either love me, accept me, and trust me. Or you do not. I only ask that you do not discard my compassion while you are trying to make up your mind.

I am not someone who can forget you. If you have passed away, moved on or forgotten ME, your presence made an imprint on my soul. It still lingers in my life and will for years to come...if not for an eternity.

I am not able to deny that our greatest existence lies in the purpose of giving ourselves to others, in the most quiet and gentlest of ways. I am the person who will give you my whole heart as long as you use it to love others more because of it. (But you cannot have my soul for that is God's).

I am not your enemy. I only ask that you eat well, exercise and take care of yourself so that I may have you in my life for a very long time. Why? Because I love you and I cannot imagine my life without you.

I am not impatient.

I am not weak...for I have found my strength.

I am not indecisive...for I have found my focus.

I am not frozen...I have exhaled.

I am not someone who has given up on you even if you have given up on yourself. If you yell at me I will cry for just a bit but will still hold out my arms to you when you feel bad for doing so.

I am not just anybody.

I am ME.

I am Michelle.

Your wife.

Your mother.

Your sister.

Your friend.

You are the sculptors of who I have become. But most importantly, you have shaped me into the person that I am NOT. For that, I am deeply grateful to you.

God bless you abundantly today.

You are loved by many and always loved by me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BACKMOON 11/14/2012 10:34AM

    What an amazing Blog! You have touched me deeply with the sincerity of your words. I am honored to have you as a friend.
As I read it , which I did twice, It reminded me of the chorus of a song by Casting Crowns. "Who Am I"

not because of who I am
but because of what You done
not because of what I done
but because of who you are

I am the flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean
a vapor in the wind
still You. hear me when I'm calling
Lord you catch me when I'm falling
and You told me who I am
I am Yours

God Bless you and thank you!

Rick

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JADOMB 11/7/2012 10:10AM

    You is what you is...........and that is beautiful.

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SHARON10002 11/6/2012 5:59PM

    Truly magnificent . . . I am speechless. . . How cathartic this must have been to write. We should all strive and be thankful to be this intuitive before we leave this earthly plane.

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MISHKALA 11/5/2012 5:31PM

    God has given you such a gift of writing. It's a blessing to have you a part of my journey, and an honor to call you a friend. emoticon emoticon

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 11/5/2012 4:43AM

    I think who you are is emoticon

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JERMADSON7 11/5/2012 2:05AM

    Wow. Amazing. Beautiful. Those words can't describe you. But it's a start. You have touched my life in many ways.

I am privileged for knowing you. Just a little speechless right now. I hope you know how much you are loved too.
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BRADMILL2922 11/5/2012 1:01AM

    SO BEAUTIFUL

But this is nothing new, its Michelle! This is someone that I am fortunate enough to call my friend! Your presence has certainly made an imprint on my soul!

We may look back at our not-so-glorious moments, but without those, where would we be now? Can we look at those moments that shaped us into who we are today, good or bad, and be thankful that they brought us to where we are today? I think we can! I think we should! I think you have! You have embraced the good and bad of your life and have used it to shape the incredible journey that has brought you here today. I am sure you will continue to do the same from this day forward and you will continue to leave your imprint and many fortunate souls!

You are not just anybody, you are an amazing woman! Thank you for being Michelle!

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CARTOONB 11/4/2012 10:50PM

    Very well written.

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BKNOCK 11/4/2012 9:48PM

    Beautiful!

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WALLAHALLA 11/4/2012 6:44PM

    Beautifully stated!

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GEEMAWEST 11/4/2012 5:21PM

    I love you, accept you and trust you. And I would never even consider discarding you. Even though one time you were ready to kick me to the curb. Thank goodness Bree stood up for me. LOL

I think we're stuck with each other and that's OK by me.
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LMB-ESQ 11/4/2012 4:39PM

    Great blog emoticon

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SPUNKYDUCKY 11/4/2012 3:59PM

    Wow, I am speechless
That was beautiful, lyrical, wonderful

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KING_SLAYER 11/4/2012 3:46PM

    Thank you. That was a powerful blog, one that a great many people should read. I need to do more "joining in' myself, I've watched life for quite a while ... I get a lot of what you have written here.

Have a wonderful rest of the year.

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STAYCXL-NOMORE 11/4/2012 3:44PM

    I think this blog is one of your best SF , your words are from life , from experience and of truth , and that is why you are a big saving grace yourself to many of our lives here. You are one amazing women ! You are God's angel here on earth Michelle !
Stayc

Comment edited on: 11/4/2012 3:45:08 PM

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KONRAD695 11/4/2012 3:17PM

    I think you are an amazing person, and I Love You. emoticon

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ALWYS-LKN-UP 11/4/2012 3:11PM

    Tears, again. You are so beautiful inside & out & have an unbelievable way of moving people through your words. Thank you!

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"Small" is Big

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

I was awakened at 4:30 a.m. by a loud "crash" that sat me straight up in bed...my heart pounding, I shook Brian awake and saw a bright light burst through the bedroom blinds. We both jumped to the window. Brian said it was snowing and I pulled the slats down to see for myself. "But what was that light," I asked and the "explosion" happened again. Lightening. I've seen it only once before during snow and it has always struck me as odd. Yet, for some reason, I found it beautiful and unable to tear myself away from the magnificent display of power. Our electricity flickered and went out, then slowly whirred back to life again. I managed to get back to sleep about an hour and a half later once I was satisfied the power might stay on...

It's difficult to believe that it was in the 80s just last week. Indian Summer, nonetheless, but it was delightfully warm. Then this occurred...


Freddie looked really ticked off and demanded an answer to why it was snowing in October...


You can't see it in these lousy cell phone pics but the snow is really coming down. I couldn't believe the wind...it was a constant moan.



I took to the "dreadmill" today for my daily exercise, all the while praying for my friends who live along the east coast. They are all okay, thank God. However, I feel for those who have lost so much during this time...

It is a reminder of how truly "small" we are on this planet, physically. It puts my mind into perspective that we are no match for Mother Nature and her constantly changing mood. It reinforces my belief that we are all in this world, this life, together; needing one another. It is a shared thread that is woven into our spirits...which is why we feel compassion for one another in a time of need, or when our hearts skip when we hear a child's laughter.

Being "small" gives way to doing big things, though. Whether it be just to reach out and hold the hand of someone else. To lend encouragement, pursue our dreams or helping someone else pursue theirs...being "small" is the tie that binds us all.

I wish you strength to continue pursuing your dreams today. There is no dream too big, no hill too high to conquer, no goal too minuscule. Be the wonderfully awesome Titan and Titaness that you are. Be the lightening in the window that awakens a sleeping soul...whether it be someone else's or your very own.

God bless and I pray for you all today. You are loved. Dearly and deeply. :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHARON10002 11/6/2012 5:53PM

    I've experienced "thundersnow"only twice in my lifetime. It truly is very strange - the silent serenity of the snow coupled with the force of the thunder and the lightning. It's such a contradiction. Loved your last paragraph - thank you. . .
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LOLAINSC 11/1/2012 10:26PM

    Stay safe, and warm, and healthy. (...and just what did you tell Freddie?)
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CMBELISLE 11/1/2012 12:24PM

    We had our one and only blizzard in Georgia in 1993. We had the whole thunderstorm thing going on too.

Beautiful ending to your blog.

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BEAR8MM 10/31/2012 10:44PM

    Keep on keepin' on! emoticon

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JERMADSON7 10/31/2012 10:37PM

    Nicely said. What was your answer to the cat?

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TRENTDREAMER 10/31/2012 7:39PM

    :)

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BKNOCK 10/31/2012 2:49PM

    Wow, that must have been awesome! I hope it melts quick! Yeah, my relatives are all okay but suffering with no power and the cold as snot weather. I wish I could do something to help!

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ALWYS-LKN-UP 10/31/2012 2:45PM

    I have tears, 'nuf said. That was beautiful & insightful :)

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STAYCXL-NOMORE 10/31/2012 9:38AM

    Thanks great blog , I though the same thing today , some problems seem small compared to the bigger issues :0 EVEN MINE !
Stayc

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FLEMIDG 10/30/2012 11:54PM

    What a great blog. I have never seen lightning during a snow storm. It must have been impressive. Thanks for sharing the pics. So far we haven't had any snow that stayed. I hope it stays away for a couple of days at least, so the kids can enjoy Halloween without plowing through snow drifts. Hope you're having a great week. emoticon

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SPUNKYDUCKY 10/30/2012 11:49PM

    Not sure where you live, but here in Morgantown WV it was the same thing last night and my pictures this morning look a lot like yours! Like you I hit the indoor version of the gym. I am looking forward to snowshoeing and skiing this winter - just not get! Thank you for the beautiful post!

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BRADMILL2922 10/30/2012 11:47PM

    That last paragraph is so beautiful and so true coming from a Titaness herself! You hit the nail right on the head! You also hit it with the beign "small" in the grand scheme of things references. I just couldn't have said any of that better myself! Thank you for puting it in words!

As far as snow lightning goes, I saw it one time a number of years back but it doesn't sound like the show you got to see! Don't get me wrong, it was really cool but I think it only happened for like 30 seconds and it was gone. To bad it woke you up in the middle of the night but how can you pass up watching that? I know I wouldn't!


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PANFRIEDTROUT 10/30/2012 11:04PM

    wow .... i've never seen lightening combined with snow ~ didn't know that was possible. how cool you got to see it even if it did cause you some sleeplessness.

thanks for the great blog & the pics!

Marie

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CARTOONB 10/30/2012 8:38PM

    Lightning and snow is cool! I would stay up and watch it too.

We are currently enjoying high 60's to low 70's for one more day. Not ready for snow. Glad to hear that your power stayed on and you stayed warm.

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JADOMB 10/30/2012 7:09PM

    Amen

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KIMCOLLINGS 10/30/2012 6:25PM

    You write so beautifully! Love your blog. Poor little Freddie does look ticked. I bet a treat would help him feel better (*helping ya out Freddie*)

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HOLMGIRL4 10/30/2012 6:08PM

    You stated that beautifully! Thank you for your blog and stay warm!
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