Sunday, May 27, 2012
Winter time seems to set a chill in my bones that lasts until the first decent heat wave and it finally arrived yesterday, in the form of 96 degrees. Yep, I had a nine-hour work day but every chance I got, I ran outside and lounged at the picnic table. Carefully maneuvering my tush around the bird poop, I placed my back against the wall and let the sun's rays penetrate my skin. Today is much better and, since I didn't have to be at work until 4, I grabbed my swim suit and ran racing outside like a kid turned loose in a candy shop. I am thawed out. Officially. And I'm looking forward to tomorrow because it's going to be hotter and I have the day off! :)
I am also planning on having a piece of Key Lime Pie tomorrow. It is my planned sinful treat for the week. I've been pretty good for the most part except for the little slip-up at the beginning of the week. But I walk. ALOT. My little pedometer tells me that I do no less than 8 miles a day at work so it helps when these things occur. Not factoring in going up and down the ladder continuously and test-riding my bikes after assembly. :) Ohhh, how I love summer. I feel like I'm in another world now. It is days like this that I do not mind being in Ohio so much. But come October, I'm headed back to Fort Walton, Florida. I'm already thinking deviously...my plan is to bury myself in the sand the last day there so no one can find me and maybe my sisters will leave without me.
I really don't care to beach bum it. Really.
Bre has been home for the weekend and stays until Tuesday morning. She is returning home (!!!!!!!! :) !!!!!!) for the summer on June 6. We've already made plans for numerous things and I have officially laid down the law at work about cutting my hours so I can spend as much time with her as I can. It's hard to believe she is going to be a junior at college in August. This child has made the Dean's List each time it rolls around and gosh-darn I'm so very proud. Not to mention that she is absolutely the most beautiful woman I've ever encountered. She is my heart.
Well, I just wanted to check in while I had a few moments. I wish you all the very best and enjoyable Memorial Day!! Let's not forget to take a few moments to remember what this day is really all about then set out to spend time with your family and friends. Stay safe out there and hug often...
God bless. :)
Wednesday, May 09, 2012
This is just a little heads-up that I have created a new Spark Team. It was born out of my desire to somehow, some way, reach out to others who are going through a difficult time, who need an outlet to vent, to find a way through the storms they are experiencing in today's emotional world.
It was born in my heart when I learned that my friend Carrie lost her son last week.
I just feel like I need to do something. I WANT to do something. No one should ever have to feel like they are alone. And if I can, in some small way, help to alleviate that feeling, help to give them some sense of hope, then I want to, with all of my heart.
Please pray for me as I undertake this calling. Pray that it will somehow help someone else. If I only am there for one, then it is worth it.
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
I'm suddenly finding myself going down the rabbit hole again, so to speak. It's a little rabbit hole by past standards but it's just tight enough to be uncomfortable. I know it's probably nothing. Just one of the normalities of being human, being on this earth, feeling things that are probably just blown out of proportion to begin with. And, most likely, it is probably a side affect of being tired. I had made plans to sleep in today until "whenever" but 5:30 a.m. rolled around and my eyes were wide open, fixated to the ceiling.
I read the Bible for a little while then busied myself with household chores. My energy level was absolutely through the roof and I was amazed at how well I felt. I embrace days like these, when the aches and pains are gone, the rash has faded and I'm not running a low-grade fever. Ahh, human. This is what it feels like to be a normal, real live human being.
Along with that, I guess, being a normal human, comes little nagging thoughts. Or past regrets that come back suddenly without warning and you're staring them right in the face. Sometimes they fly in so quickly, you grimace suddenly on the outside and your shoulders sag. I've been here before, on my knees, asking for forgiveness. Asking for the ability to just FORGET what I'm asking forgiveness for. But it's human nature to not forget. It's human nature to want to feel sorry for yourself...and others that you may have hurt.
But thank God for GOD. To know that I am unconditionally loved? No matter what I've done in the past, no matter where I've stumbled, His saving grace has erased that blotch from my soul. It's not Him that keeps reminding me of my awkward steps through this life, it is I. It is my earthly nature, one that we all possess, to want to continue beating myself up and giving myself such a hard time.
So, this is where my faith must come in.
Faith is not easy. It is not something that arrives on the back of a feather in a gentle breeze. Faith is given to some after they have prayed for hours, sweating profusely from their pores, crying until their eyes can cry no more. Until their knees are blood red after having to pray for hours upon hours. Even then, it comes and goes, waivers and soars. But faith IS ultimately won after the battle. You just have to find your own personal way to get to it. But once you have it????
There is no denying it. It is worth every bead of sweat and every tear that has fallen from your eyes.
Even when you feel at your worst. Even when your past regrets try to slither up into your face again. You JUST KNOW THAT GOD LOVES YOU. Like no other HUMAN being can. It is past understanding. It is past all that is of this earth. It is from the Lord who said that we are His children and He will love us to the ENDS of this earth, no matter what we've done, no matter who we are. If we have asked for forgiveness, with an earnest heart, then He has forgiven us. There is no denying that He loves us.
It's so simple.
Yet, perhaps, so difficult to understand. But...FAITH gives us that comfort of knowing we don't HAVE to understand. We just have to rest in the arms of Someone up There who has it all under control.
I praise God for my struggles. I am a better person because of them and I wish to continue growing in my walk with Him. Struggles have buffed my rough edges and have softened the hardened corners of my heart. Struggles are paving the way for my ultimate destination which is Home with my God and the others who have went before me. So, I need to look at these times as a way to grow closer to the God who will take me there. Welcome them. Embrace them.
"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139: 7, 9-10, 23-24)
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." (John 14:1-3)
That is going to be a good day. This is where my faith AND HOPE lie.
God bless you all.
Monday, May 07, 2012
What the heck is my problem??? If it's not nailed down these days, it goes into my mouth. I have probably packed on a good seven pounds lately and it's not phasing me. Even when I have to lay down and suck my gut in to zip up my pants. My hands and my mouth have obviously developed a mind of their own.
I ran across some pics of me when I was 80 pounds heavier. My mind started screaming, "Wow! Do I really want to go back to that again???" Then I unwrapped a pop tart and popped it into the toaster...
Ya know, I could complain and I could belly ache about this until the cows come home but I guess the ultimate blame lies with me. I can make excuses and allow my fingers to pick up the minuscule piece of chocolate I dropped onto my shirt and put it into my mouth or I can realize that I am ultimately in control of my impulses. But why, after all of this time, am I finding myself in a love affair with the refrigerator again? Why, why why?!!
For the longest time I had it all under control. I was even losing weight when I wasn't trying. I could still eat a Reese's and lose so why is it going the opposite way now?? Well, I'll tell you why! Because I'm eating more than one! I am eating that and some other delicious goodie of the day that I feel I am entitled to. And if I don't get a grip on it now, I'm doomed. I've even toyed with the idea of putting my former 200-pound-frame on my page so that I can remind myself daily of what my mindless eating is going to do to me eventually. If I don't stop now.
I've been here before. I've lost the weight, but ultimately gained it all back and then some. I recognize it. I see it. I don't want to do it. But then my mind says, "Okay, but enjoy today. Eat. Drink. Be totally oblivious to what you're doing to your body. Just for today." Ugh. Arg! ICK! Yada, yada, yada...
Why do we fall back into the same old habits and sabotage ourselves? Hmmmm. I dunno. I just know I don't wanna.
I need some help here! Advice??
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
I've learned some great lessons over the years. Some of them just recently. Like:
1) Don't listen to the advice from beauty experts, such as, when the gray hairs start coming in at the roots, use a little mascara to disguise them. What they DON'T tell you, when you run your fingers through your bangs mid-day, they stay in the stiff upright position. And when you scratch your upper lip after running your fingers through above-mentioned bangs, you have, what appears to be, a painted-on mustache.
2) Don't forget to check your pockets to your jeans after lighting a wood stove. Because when you forget to check your pockets, you don't get the lighter out of the back side one. When they are washed, if lighter doesn't fall out in the washing cycle, it comes out in the dryer. Then it promptly explodes thirty minutes later and you basically crap yourself.
3) Never laugh when one of your customer's kids gets his head stuck in the Wall of Balls cage...but if you do, don't let the parents see you. And DEFINITELY don't let them see you taking pictures with your cell phone.
4) When you get frustrated and ask God to give you a sign, some kind of sign, that He is real, don't ASK IT IN THE MIDDLE OF A LIGHTENING STORM. Because He will strike the tree next to the patio door in which you are standing. It's almost as if He is saying, "This real enough for you?????" while you're still feeling the static electricity buzzing through the stood-up hairs on your arms. Yep, I think that's good enough for me.
5) Don't forget about the potato that rolled underneath the cabinet six months ago.
6) NEVER tell one of your managers to break a leg. Because when he does, you look like you were involved.
7) This one is important. Don't keep the t.v. on when you go to bed. Especially on Showtime. You may have fallen asleep watching a documentary about penguins but when your husband comes home, the show "Gigolos" will be on. Try explaining your way out of that one. There's no way you really can.
8) I will never make my own coleslaw from scratch again. I couldn't feel my upper lip for days. And my old man slurred his speech for weeks.
9) Never buy a pair of shoes just because you think they are cute. And don't wear them during a nine-hour shift. The pain is equivalent to having hemorrhoids...on your feet. The same goes for underwear and push-up bras. All it takes is bending over the wrong way just one time and everything literally falls apart. Or out.
10) Don't text two people at once. You might accidentally send your Sunday School teacher the naughty picture of monkeys your sister sent to you the moment before. Then your actual reply a moment later to her contains the words, "Yes, I am doing MUCH better today!"
11) NEVER, and I repeat, NE-HEH-EEEV-ER, blog about the exercise "Bonking" when there is an alternative slang term with the same name. Yes, I bonked for a half hour this morning but not how YOU'RE thinking! Shame on you!
Okay, off for now...have a great evening, guys! God bless and love you all.
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