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Thawing Out

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Winter time seems to set a chill in my bones that lasts until the first decent heat wave and it finally arrived yesterday, in the form of 96 degrees. Yep, I had a nine-hour work day but every chance I got, I ran outside and lounged at the picnic table. Carefully maneuvering my tush around the bird poop, I placed my back against the wall and let the sun's rays penetrate my skin. Today is much better and, since I didn't have to be at work until 4, I grabbed my swim suit and ran racing outside like a kid turned loose in a candy shop. I am thawed out. Officially. And I'm looking forward to tomorrow because it's going to be hotter and I have the day off! :)

I am also planning on having a piece of Key Lime Pie tomorrow. It is my planned sinful treat for the week. I've been pretty good for the most part except for the little slip-up at the beginning of the week. But I walk. ALOT. My little pedometer tells me that I do no less than 8 miles a day at work so it helps when these things occur. Not factoring in going up and down the ladder continuously and test-riding my bikes after assembly. :) Ohhh, how I love summer. I feel like I'm in another world now. It is days like this that I do not mind being in Ohio so much. But come October, I'm headed back to Fort Walton, Florida. I'm already thinking deviously...my plan is to bury myself in the sand the last day there so no one can find me and maybe my sisters will leave without me.

I really don't care to beach bum it. Really.

Bre has been home for the weekend and stays until Tuesday morning. She is returning home (!!!!!!!! :) !!!!!!) for the summer on June 6. We've already made plans for numerous things and I have officially laid down the law at work about cutting my hours so I can spend as much time with her as I can. It's hard to believe she is going to be a junior at college in August. This child has made the Dean's List each time it rolls around and gosh-darn I'm so very proud. Not to mention that she is absolutely the most beautiful woman I've ever encountered. She is my heart.

Well, I just wanted to check in while I had a few moments. I wish you all the very best and enjoyable Memorial Day!! Let's not forget to take a few moments to remember what this day is really all about then set out to spend time with your family and friends. Stay safe out there and hug often...

God bless. :)




  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREGGWEISBROD 1/8/2014 9:18AM

    Agreed. I've always found that my spirit seems to going into hibernation during the winter months. I don't do it on purpose, it just ends up that I feel like a paler version of myself... maybe it's because my fair skin turns a pasty shade of white, lol... who knows. Still, come April and springtime, as life returns to the world around me, I feel renewal in my soul. It the same thing each year. That renewal this past year is a big piece of what went into me finally breaking free from the chains of lethargy and apathy in relation to my weight and self-esteem. Hope you're trudging through this current winter with some life in them bones. I know this past week was probably difficult for you... your brother... your birthday... but as long as you're Steelkickin then you'll come out of it alright I think. :-)

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DARLENEK04 6/4/2012 1:19PM

  I have to go out on the front steps and stand and thaw out...
I love airconditioning, when I can curl up under blankets..........
David can't stand heat, so I wear a sweatshirt inside the house
most of the year.................LOL

Dar
lene

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CIVIAV 5/29/2012 7:43AM

    Scorching!

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PANFRIEDTROUT 5/28/2012 1:02AM

    your daughter is so beautiful as are you!

now that we live 7 or 8 months in AZ (from Oct thru May) we don't have to "thaw out" like we did in OR .... altho there, it's mostly about DRYING out (LoL)

hope you're having a fab Memorial Day weekend!


emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BKNOCK 5/27/2012 9:31PM

    We never got the winter freeze this year! I hope you enjoy your day off with Bre! Happy Memorial Day!

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TRENTDREAMER 5/27/2012 9:29PM

    :)

Hope that you have a good time when Bre returns for the Summer.

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MAGNOLIA416 5/27/2012 7:43PM

    Nice photo! There's a Swedish expression for that thing you described...leaning your face back to soak up the sun in the spring. Enjoy your pie!

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CARTOONB 5/27/2012 5:00PM

    Can we have some of your heat over here please? I haven't thawed out yet.

Have fun in the sun and with Bre!

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FLYER99 5/27/2012 4:02PM

    I can relate to thawing out. The winters here can be brutal. I love summer so much. I am thinking of spending a couple of months in Florida this winter just to get away from the snow and cold.

I bet you and Bre are going to have a wonderful summer. I really hope so.

Happy Memorial Day to you. Here in Canada we celebrate Remembrance Day on November 11.

Bob.



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MAKINANIMPACT 5/27/2012 3:01PM

    I know what you mean about thawing out! Our winters aren't too bad because in Denver we can get 4' of snow and 0 degree temps and give it a couple of days and it's 40 and we start over! It's nice though that you can get the suns warmth and know it'll be there for months! It sounds like you'll have an awesome time with your daughter!
Wishing you the best and enjoy your summer!

Kelly

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New Team...

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

This is just a little heads-up that I have created a new Spark Team. It was born out of my desire to somehow, some way, reach out to others who are going through a difficult time, who need an outlet to vent, to find a way through the storms they are experiencing in today's emotional world.

It was born in my heart when I learned that my friend Carrie lost her son last week.

I just feel like I need to do something. I WANT to do something. No one should ever have to feel like they are alone. And if I can, in some small way, help to alleviate that feeling, help to give them some sense of hope, then I want to, with all of my heart.

Please pray for me as I undertake this calling. Pray that it will somehow help someone else. If I only am there for one, then it is worth it.

God bless...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HUZZAH39 5/21/2012 8:50PM

    Michelle, You are a gem...and I love your spirit!

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WORKNGONMENOW 5/17/2012 10:01AM

    Thanks Michelle, put new pics anda new blog love ya

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BKNOCK 5/13/2012 10:21PM

    Good luck with your new team. Edugrad also lost her son recently.

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KAILYNSTAR 5/10/2012 12:06PM

    Very nice Michelle. You have a huge heart.

You've touched my soul and many ways.
emoticon

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FLEMIDG 5/9/2012 11:56PM

    Wonderful idea, Michelle. You are so thoughtful. Good luck in your new challenge. emoticon

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GEEMAWEST 5/9/2012 11:07PM

    You have my support, as always.

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TRENTDREAMER 5/9/2012 11:04PM

    Best of fortune to you on the team :)

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CARTOONB 5/9/2012 8:41PM

    Great idea. I'm sure that you will have many folks join you.

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Home

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

I'm suddenly finding myself going down the rabbit hole again, so to speak. It's a little rabbit hole by past standards but it's just tight enough to be uncomfortable. I know it's probably nothing. Just one of the normalities of being human, being on this earth, feeling things that are probably just blown out of proportion to begin with. And, most likely, it is probably a side affect of being tired. I had made plans to sleep in today until "whenever" but 5:30 a.m. rolled around and my eyes were wide open, fixated to the ceiling.

I read the Bible for a little while then busied myself with household chores. My energy level was absolutely through the roof and I was amazed at how well I felt. I embrace days like these, when the aches and pains are gone, the rash has faded and I'm not running a low-grade fever. Ahh, human. This is what it feels like to be a normal, real live human being.

Along with that, I guess, being a normal human, comes little nagging thoughts. Or past regrets that come back suddenly without warning and you're staring them right in the face. Sometimes they fly in so quickly, you grimace suddenly on the outside and your shoulders sag. I've been here before, on my knees, asking for forgiveness. Asking for the ability to just FORGET what I'm asking forgiveness for. But it's human nature to not forget. It's human nature to want to feel sorry for yourself...and others that you may have hurt.

But thank God for GOD. To know that I am unconditionally loved? No matter what I've done in the past, no matter where I've stumbled, His saving grace has erased that blotch from my soul. It's not Him that keeps reminding me of my awkward steps through this life, it is I. It is my earthly nature, one that we all possess, to want to continue beating myself up and giving myself such a hard time.

So, this is where my faith must come in.

Faith is not easy. It is not something that arrives on the back of a feather in a gentle breeze. Faith is given to some after they have prayed for hours, sweating profusely from their pores, crying until their eyes can cry no more. Until their knees are blood red after having to pray for hours upon hours. Even then, it comes and goes, waivers and soars. But faith IS ultimately won after the battle. You just have to find your own personal way to get to it. But once you have it????

There is no denying it. It is worth every bead of sweat and every tear that has fallen from your eyes.

Even when you feel at your worst. Even when your past regrets try to slither up into your face again. You JUST KNOW THAT GOD LOVES YOU. Like no other HUMAN being can. It is past understanding. It is past all that is of this earth. It is from the Lord who said that we are His children and He will love us to the ENDS of this earth, no matter what we've done, no matter who we are. If we have asked for forgiveness, with an earnest heart, then He has forgiven us. There is no denying that He loves us.

It's so simple.

Yet, perhaps, so difficult to understand. But...FAITH gives us that comfort of knowing we don't HAVE to understand. We just have to rest in the arms of Someone up There who has it all under control.

I praise God for my struggles. I am a better person because of them and I wish to continue growing in my walk with Him. Struggles have buffed my rough edges and have softened the hardened corners of my heart. Struggles are paving the way for my ultimate destination which is Home with my God and the others who have went before me. So, I need to look at these times as a way to grow closer to the God who will take me there. Welcome them. Embrace them.

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139: 7, 9-10, 23-24)

Sooo...

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." (John 14:1-3)

That is going to be a good day. This is where my faith AND HOPE lie.

God bless you all.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREGGWEISBROD 1/8/2014 9:11AM

    Forgiving ourselves is the hardest thing to master in life. It's good to be a creature of remorse and to have the sensitivity to actually regret things we do in life that we know we should not have done, but it's important that we simply reflect on it all, forgive ourselves, and move on in strength. I've always loved diving into the old testament, because we sort of convince ourselves that the figures in biblical history are these pillars of righteousness... and then when you read how incredibly, no, INSANELY, flawed these people were, and that God still gave love and forgiveness to them, using them regardless of the dark things they may have done - Abram pimp out his wife on multiple occasions for crying out loud!! This is the father of God's promise, lol. Anyways, you're a saint compared to the pillars of our faith, lol. :-D

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DARLENEK04 5/19/2012 3:45PM

  Michelle,

Once you have asked Him for forgiveness, He gives it unconditionally,
so you never have to ask God for forgiveness again, because He has
forgotten that particular thing......it is the enemy trying to make you
think of it and making you feel guilty and hence asking for forgiveness
again....

Hug
s,
Darlene

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MADDEELOU 5/18/2012 10:19PM

    Amen. Thank you for sharing this.


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STAYCXL-NOMORE 5/9/2012 11:02AM

    Great Blog SF !!
Stayc

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SALGUOD2 5/9/2012 5:13AM

    So well put

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FLEMIDG 5/9/2012 12:30AM

    Beautiful blog, Michelle. Isn't it awesome to know God loves us no matter what we have done in the past? If we repent of our sins, they are all washed away, thanks to the blood of Jesus. Having faith is difficult sometimes, but my faith has so grown since my dh passed away. God has been with me and comforted me and He gave me a revelation that I am His child, and He will take care of me.

God bless you. Hope you have an awesome week.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Darlene

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"It's" Happening Again

Monday, May 07, 2012

What the heck is my problem??? If it's not nailed down these days, it goes into my mouth. I have probably packed on a good seven pounds lately and it's not phasing me. Even when I have to lay down and suck my gut in to zip up my pants. My hands and my mouth have obviously developed a mind of their own.

I ran across some pics of me when I was 80 pounds heavier. My mind started screaming, "Wow! Do I really want to go back to that again???" Then I unwrapped a pop tart and popped it into the toaster...

Ya know, I could complain and I could belly ache about this until the cows come home but I guess the ultimate blame lies with me. I can make excuses and allow my fingers to pick up the minuscule piece of chocolate I dropped onto my shirt and put it into my mouth or I can realize that I am ultimately in control of my impulses. But why, after all of this time, am I finding myself in a love affair with the refrigerator again? Why, why why?!!

For the longest time I had it all under control. I was even losing weight when I wasn't trying. I could still eat a Reese's and lose so why is it going the opposite way now?? Well, I'll tell you why! Because I'm eating more than one! I am eating that and some other delicious goodie of the day that I feel I am entitled to. And if I don't get a grip on it now, I'm doomed. I've even toyed with the idea of putting my former 200-pound-frame on my page so that I can remind myself daily of what my mindless eating is going to do to me eventually. If I don't stop now.

I've been here before. I've lost the weight, but ultimately gained it all back and then some. I recognize it. I see it. I don't want to do it. But then my mind says, "Okay, but enjoy today. Eat. Drink. Be totally oblivious to what you're doing to your body. Just for today." Ugh. Arg! ICK! Yada, yada, yada...

Why do we fall back into the same old habits and sabotage ourselves? Hmmmm. I dunno. I just know I don't wanna.

I need some help here! Advice??

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREGGWEISBROD 1/8/2014 9:03AM

    Well, this obviously a few years ago, and it doesn't appear that you've managed to undo all your hard work in that time, so I assume you've managed to find something that works. I know for me it's always a case of idle hands and idle time. It's those moments where I'm wandering around the house bored, and happen to find myself in the kitchen. I've learned to keep junk food out of the house as a form of damage limitation - opening the cupboards and sighing miserably at the complete lack of yummies, lol. I've also learned to try and stay busy. Busy enough that I don't have time to wander, but also making sure that I plan to eat my meals at regular times. That's always been the part of the equation that escaped me - not eating at regular times and having proper meals. Hope you're doing well in this post holiday wasteland! :-D

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JUNIAATROME 5/12/2012 7:57AM

    HUH! I so know what you are talking about.. unfortunately. I hope you'll post when you have found a cure. Please make it one that is globally available and cheap and don't tell me that you should fall out of love with the fridge emoticon emoticon

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SWEETSADDICTION 5/11/2012 9:07AM

    okay trigger food comfort food knows we all need them but asking yourself what you are getting out of it may help but when you went to the store were those goodies impulse or planned purchases?

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GEEMAWEST 5/9/2012 11:10PM

    I'm in the same boat. I just keep trying and refuse to give up. I know that I have to find the answer for me.

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OLDERDANDRT 5/9/2012 9:42AM

    emoticon not emoticon

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CARTOONB 5/8/2012 10:45PM

    I'm no expert, but I'm gonna tell you what I've been told, what the word on the street is. You're doing it because you benefit from it. You get something out your behavior. You win, somehow. Now you have to figure out what you are getting out of eating (and it's probably not just the awesome flavor of a warm brown sugar cinnamon pop tart). And then decided if that's what you really want.

See?!? Ain't I helpful? emoticon

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AJDOVER1 5/8/2012 7:30PM

    Sabotage is a sneaky thing. You've just taken the first step to conquering it by calling attention to it. It's time to pull out all the old tricks that have worked in the past: Keep your hands busy, drink a glass of water before you snack, chew gum, take a walk, call a friend, log what you eat, post a blog, etc. We can do this!

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LMB-ESQ 5/8/2012 7:52AM

    I have no idea what the answer is. But I wanted you to know you aren't the only one. For me it's stress. I've packed on 20 lbs over the last year and I can't get rid of it. It's like I've forgotten how, although I know I haven't. If you find the answer, please share!

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BEAGLEMAMA2 5/8/2012 5:48AM

    I ask myself the same questions! I think we all do. I think we get comfortable with ourselves and after we loose the weight we think we can go back to the same way we used to eat! We think we have everything under control but we seem to forget that it is a way of life not a DIET! It feels good to "loose" control every once in a while but my problem is it feels so good I don't want to give it up! That is why I need to know my triggers and stay away. It's hard because I do it but then fall off. It's a viscous cycle.

Don't beat yourself up..pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do what it takes to get back in control. If it takes putting the picture up on here than do it!

Good luck on your continued success!

emoticon

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RONOSOF 5/8/2012 4:01AM

    It sneaks up on us.... but now that you are aware, think "am I hungry" before anything goes in.... I haven't mastered this and am struggling too. One other aspect I do my best to be aware of is monitoring my hunger when I am eating and eating every and only at 4 hour intervals, three times a day. I'll be thinking of you!
Mary in Boston

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BANKIEGRACE 5/8/2012 12:13AM

    I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle - I imagine it must be hard to know you have come so far but feel like you have little to no control over your eating. Have you used food as a reward in the past? Is it the one thing that you find the most satisfying? I used to feel that way about food, but I found other things to treat myself to. For example, every time I reach another weight loss milestone (i.e. 10 lbs down), I go and get a massage. I've also indulged in online shopping rather than late night eating, which may hurt my pocketbook a bit but my waistline has remained in tact! Might not be a bad idea to put a picture of you at your heaviest somewhere RIGHT where the food is, so you'll have to see what you used to look like when you're about to cave in. Also, make sure that you have the motivation to stay fit and healthy. If you aren't motivated to keep the weight off and control your eating, you won't feel inclined to step away from the snacks. I personally lost my motivation several months back, and found it again when a friend surprised me with a future trip to the Bahamas. Now me in a bikini is all that's on my mind! Try to find something to inspire you, it may end up modifying your eating habits and resulting in positive changes. :) Good luck to you!

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SANDYBEACHES7 5/8/2012 12:10AM

    I know we dont know each other, but i was asking myself that same question today.

"Why do we fall back into the same old habits and sabotage ourselves?"

maybe not those exact words, but sometimes I think we like to kid ourselves and think that if I just cheat today it wont be that bad. BUT IT IS!!!! Just keep your head up high and maybe go for a walk or play a game online. Keep your mind busy with healthy stuff and kick those bad thoughts OUT!!!

Hope you feel better soon. emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/8/2012 12:11:49 AM

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KASSANDRA_MAE93 5/7/2012 11:58PM

    I know exactly what you mean. Just try to just keep your mind straight and if you need anyone to talk to i'm always here!

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Lessons Learned

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

I've learned some great lessons over the years. Some of them just recently. Like:

1) Don't listen to the advice from beauty experts, such as, when the gray hairs start coming in at the roots, use a little mascara to disguise them. What they DON'T tell you, when you run your fingers through your bangs mid-day, they stay in the stiff upright position. And when you scratch your upper lip after running your fingers through above-mentioned bangs, you have, what appears to be, a painted-on mustache.

2) Don't forget to check your pockets to your jeans after lighting a wood stove. Because when you forget to check your pockets, you don't get the lighter out of the back side one. When they are washed, if lighter doesn't fall out in the washing cycle, it comes out in the dryer. Then it promptly explodes thirty minutes later and you basically crap yourself.

3) Never laugh when one of your customer's kids gets his head stuck in the Wall of Balls cage...but if you do, don't let the parents see you. And DEFINITELY don't let them see you taking pictures with your cell phone.

4) When you get frustrated and ask God to give you a sign, some kind of sign, that He is real, don't ASK IT IN THE MIDDLE OF A LIGHTENING STORM. Because He will strike the tree next to the patio door in which you are standing. It's almost as if He is saying, "This real enough for you?????" while you're still feeling the static electricity buzzing through the stood-up hairs on your arms. Yep, I think that's good enough for me.

5) Don't forget about the potato that rolled underneath the cabinet six months ago.

6) NEVER tell one of your managers to break a leg. Because when he does, you look like you were involved.

7) This one is important. Don't keep the t.v. on when you go to bed. Especially on Showtime. You may have fallen asleep watching a documentary about penguins but when your husband comes home, the show "Gigolos" will be on. Try explaining your way out of that one. There's no way you really can.

8) I will never make my own coleslaw from scratch again. I couldn't feel my upper lip for days. And my old man slurred his speech for weeks.

9) Never buy a pair of shoes just because you think they are cute. And don't wear them during a nine-hour shift. The pain is equivalent to having hemorrhoids...on your feet. The same goes for underwear and push-up bras. All it takes is bending over the wrong way just one time and everything literally falls apart. Or out.

10) Don't text two people at once. You might accidentally send your Sunday School teacher the naughty picture of monkeys your sister sent to you the moment before. Then your actual reply a moment later to her contains the words, "Yes, I am doing MUCH better today!"

11) NEVER, and I repeat, NE-HEH-EEEV-ER, blog about the exercise "Bonking" when there is an alternative slang term with the same name. Yes, I bonked for a half hour this morning but not how YOU'RE thinking! Shame on you!

Okay, off for now...have a great evening, guys! God bless and love you all.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREGGWEISBROD 12/19/2013 3:27PM

    lol! I think you need to re-read this one today and just laugh your cute little derriere off at! You're so hilarious. :-D

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KAILYNSTAR 5/4/2012 7:09PM

    emoticon

Thanks for blogging and sharing that. That made my day!

Have a great weekend.

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OLDERDANDRT 5/4/2012 4:17PM

    These are great kessons learned, but you gotta 'splain' #8 to me!!! emoticon emoticon

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AJDOVER1 5/3/2012 10:55PM

    I've got to know what's in your coleslaw recipe? emoticon

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QUIKSYLVER 5/3/2012 5:30PM

    Too funny!

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CIVIAV 5/3/2012 11:42AM

    BIG SMILES!

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BKNOCK 5/3/2012 8:13AM

    Thanks for giving me a laugh, I really needed that! I wish I could have seen your face on some of these things! With my camera of course. Priceless!

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GETSTRONGRRR 5/2/2012 11:25PM

    WOW, I never knew there were so many MORE ways I could get into trouble!

Thanks for the warnings!

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ELYMWX 5/2/2012 11:00PM

    Bonking is different from boinking, and that's my story.

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CARTOONB 5/2/2012 10:04PM

    I love that you told me about the mascara...I HAD been considering doing that. I'll stick to having a professional color it for me. Too funny!

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USFBULL 5/2/2012 9:47PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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