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Mexico Blue

Thursday, February 09, 2012

May 3rd, 1991.

That's the day I first saw her. Dark blue, loud, brassy, bossy, the interior screaming of Pink Floyd (or the Scorpions, I can't exactly remember) and buffed to a delectable shine. She was sitting up high on a lift kit that extended her height by another three inches and when the owner of this 1987 Ford Bronco flung open the door and told me to get in, I struggled breathlessly to get my short frame into the passenger seat. Ohh, she was gorgeous...but the owner was breathtaking.

She had all the bells and whistles. Stereo system, speakers, plush carpet, air-conditioning, you name it, she had it. About two weeks into my boyfriend's (Brian) and I relationship, I was given a sponge and soap water and invited to get to know her more intimately. As I washed her doors and windows I became intrigued by the very thin odd blue stripe that lined her body. I asked him what color of blue it was and he smiled boyishly, eyes glistening through tousled bangs, and said, "That would be Mexico Blue, cupcake. There aren't many people who notice that but YOU did, didn't ya?"

That's when she got her name...

It wasn't long before Mexico Blue, Brian and I would go off to the old Buckeye Furnace and hit the mud-running trails. It was a maze of curves, hills that went straight up into the air and valleys that gave you that bottomed-out feeling in the pit of your stomach while hitting them at break-neck speed. We were junkies, dare-devils of the off-road rush. I can't count how many times we got stuck in the mud and would just sit there for awhile, talking about our future, how many kids we wanted to have...or just listen to music. We didn't care that the sun was going down quickly. Sometimes we would just kiss and let the day fade away in a blissful blur of embraces and whispers...

But Mexico Blue peacefully tolerated our excursions. Her gorgeous paint job faded over the years but responded well to a little TLC. Her grandeur would return during lazy Sunday afternoons at the hands of her adoring owners who lovingly bathed her and dried her slowly in the warm and glowing sun. Patiently, she would wait in the garage until the next outing in which she could prove she was up for the challenge. Perhaps she enjoyed listening to the laughter, delightful screams of her owners as we raced on the back roads, went fishing and piled her back high with goodies from the home improvement stores. And if I may be blunt, she was where my beautiful Breanna came into existence.

Yet, life began to happen. The excursions became less. Other vehicles came into the picture. My love of motorcycles began to form and less attention was paid to Mexico Blue. She slowly began to droop in the dark corner of the garage, her little blue stripe fading, but every now and then Brian would go out and slowly caress her, start her up and rev her tired engine. A few years ago I asked him if we could take her out, for old time's sake and he said that she wouldn't make it. But he would never sell her. He could not do it because that is where he fell in love with me. He vowed to fix her up, give her new life. Wiping the dust from the cursive words "Mexico Blue" that were painted by me on the small corner of the driver's side door, he looked at me, intently, with wrinkled, older eyes and smiled. "I can't let her go. I just won't do it. You see? I'll never let her go..."

But a year ago he did.

Many times I think of her. I miss her so much. Odd to say that I miss a hunk of metal and noise but I do. I think I would give anything to just go riding with her one more time...just one more time. For old time's sake.

Please keep Brian in your prayers this Friday. This is when he is having heart surgery. Again. I think I might dig out the old pictures of Mexico Blue tomorrow and show them to him. Maybe we can talk about the good times we used to have with her, how much we loved her, how much she meant to us. Maybe we can, if just for a day, smile and realize how much she gave of herself to give us those times together.

God bless, everyone. Have a beautiful evening...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OLDERDANDRT 2/10/2012 9:02AM

    I was late in reading this blog. Sorry. I think Brian will enjoy seeing the pics of Mexico Blue. Nice memories. Prayers and warm thoughts for him a very successful surgery and quick recovery! Love ya! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CARTOONB 2/9/2012 11:02PM

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and Brian.

Here's a good thought...May 3 is my DD's birthday. Please let us know how he's doing.

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DARLENEK04 2/9/2012 6:12PM

  Great Blog Michelle....Know Brian and you will be in our prayers Friday ... sorry about Blue but I think everyone
has a vehicle like least for me it was my Teal
Green Metallic Chevy Stepside, 5 speed, never failed me

Let us know soon as you can......


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KAILYNSTAR 2/9/2012 12:37PM

    Memories are precious. Full of old excitement, elation, love, tenderness, hope, thrill, futuristic thoughts.

It's amazing how a piece of metal can remind a person of things so profound. I think that is how a person becomes so attached with objects.

Sentimental value.

Although you're remembering your past through a vehicle, you are also remembering your present through Brian. The wish for those days of healthy enjoyment.

I pray for Brian. I pray for you. I pray for peace and acceptance in both your hearts.

Good Luck wishes too.

Hold him tight.

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SAC-6582 2/9/2012 9:59AM

    Great blog!!! It brought back memories of my favorite car. I'll be praying for Brian and for you as well. May God's peace, comfort and love surround both of you.


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CIVIAV 2/9/2012 8:49AM

    What a lovely love story...

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LMB-ESQ 2/9/2012 7:28AM

    Beautiful story... good luck to Brian Friday... you are both in my thoughts!

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LEN_VERSION32 2/9/2012 6:36AM

    Praying for Brian!

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GETTINGFIT4HIM 2/9/2012 3:31AM

  What w wonderful story! Thanks so much for sharing with us. I can relate to getting away with the one you love, spending those quality moments you will treasure forever. Memories are so precious. Prayers are being lifted up for you and Brian and I'm sure just as soon as he is healed from his surgery you two will be out there making more special memories together. emoticon

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CHERIRIDDELL 2/9/2012 1:26AM

    That brought a tear to my eye Michelle of course I will say a prayer for Brian and I hope you enjoy the photos of Mexico Blue , she may have been sold but she lives on in the tales you tell.I could picture Mexico Blue as clearly as if she were new and I swore I caught sight of a young and healthy Brian driving away with you ,just like he will again even if it isn't in Mexico Blue .love and hugs,Cheri

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Flowers of A Different Kind

Saturday, February 04, 2012

Tomorrow I'm headed to Athens to spend the day with my Bre. I need to get away from the worries in these walls, the mental exhaustion and the inability to change things that cannot be changed. And the busted water heater that I am watching my ill husband trying to fix with a son who is easily agitated these days. I am going to get into my truck, turn on the ignition and speed-demon myself into the loving and warm embrace of a daughter who is more like my sister these days, my best friend, my major major confidante, who is growing into the most amazing, wonderful woman beyond my imagination and wildest dreams.

It feels good to touch her face and feel those little arms, which are strong and confident, encircling me. She has definitely come into her own the last few years and although I am strong in her presence, she has the angelic ability to make me feel stronger. All it takes is one smile, one word from her soft, comforting voice to make me feel normal again. In front of her I grow wings. I stand taller. I am in the presence of something greater than I am. I am in the presence of unconditional and adoring love.

She called me last night and I found peace in her excitement of stories, tales of college grandeur, the diversity of the many people around her. She has grown in independence, excited of the year before her in which she will lease her own apartment, delve deeper into her major and volunteer for many charities that I have also volunteered for in the past. The Dean's List secured her again in its prestigious list of students who have exceeded the university's expectations and she is proud, as she very well SHOULD be. When it came time to say goodbye, my voice broke a little during the "I love you..." and hers did as well. Then she said, "I miss you, Mommy. I'll always be your little girl."

Suddenly, my mind flashed back to a particular incident when she was almost five. We had spent the day in the woods picking flowers and her tiny little fingers were holding them up to me. If there were ever eyes of an angel they were hers, looking up to me in the most open adoring way. I knelt down in front of her, took the bouquet of dirty-rooted weeds and kissed her soft, pliable cheeks and said, "Do me a favor, little one. Promise me you will never grow up. Stay little forever and don't ever lose the joy and giving in your heart. It is what makes you sooo very beautiful." She threw her arms around my neck and laughed, "Ohh, Mommy, I'll ALWAYS be your little girl!"

When I hung up the phone, I pictured that five-year-old face, hanging up on the other end. Then it suddenly morphed into the amazingly beautiful face of today. I could imagine her opening her genetics book and getting down to the nitty-gritty of studying for the exam of the next day while she sat cross-legged on the bed. I smiled. Tears stinging my eyes, I asked myself where the time has gone, where did the years go in between? I miss her in all ways. I miss the baby Bre. The five-year-old Bre. The twelve-year-old Bre. The soon-to-be-twenty-year-old Bre. But tomorrow I am going to bask in the present Bre and all of the joys that this young woman has to offer me for the day. She has given me so much joy. God knew I needed her as much as she has needed me over the years. And I don't forget that she still needs me even now.

She is why I carry on. Maybe in some ways I want to be like her. In alot of ways. In the face of adversity I want to meet it with defiance but soft defiance, gentle confidence that what I am doing is right, just like she does. I want to be able, in a child-like way, to give my worries to a God who is strong and capable of handling things in His manner. Just like she does. She has taught me that it's okay to stand up for what I believe in. She has taught me that it's okay to voice my opinion and still be loved and respected for doing so. When I see her small hands ball up in steadfast determination, making things happen in her life, it makes me feel like I can do it, too.

So, tomorrow, I am going to see my little girl, the one who DID grow up but will forever be young in my heart. The one who still holds gifts of flowers of a different kind up to me that gives me strength and the ability to move forward. I am going to thank her for being my daughter.

Then I am going to thank God for loaning to me one of his angels while I continue my journey through this life.

God bless.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PJSTIME 2/5/2012 9:30AM

    I hope you find joy and some peace as you visit your Bre. Have a safe and wonderful visit.

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MOMFAN 2/4/2012 10:59PM

    Sweet blessing!

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JJ_JOHNSON 2/4/2012 10:45PM

    You want to be like her. It sounds like she's very much like you. Apples don't fall far from their trees, SK.

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BKNOCK 2/4/2012 8:39PM

    I am so glad that you can get away for a bit! Tell Bre I said Hi! Have fun!

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CIVIAV 2/4/2012 5:23PM

    Yes you have a wonderful daughter and she a great Mom. but you've given us all a grand gift in sharing it all...

Oh and enjoy another day as a co-ed again!

Comment edited on: 2/4/2012 5:23:42 PM

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TXGRANDMA 2/4/2012 2:58PM

    So true! I have a daughter who is to me what Bre is to you... I had tears in my eyes reading your blog, that is just how I feel about my daughter, ALA. Enjoy your angel! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KAILYNSTAR 2/4/2012 2:20PM

    Your writing is so moving.

Enjoy yourself while you spend time whit Bre.

I myself am going to go upstairs shortly and hug my kids.

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CHERIRIDDELL 2/4/2012 1:51PM

    What a wonderful blog .You started my Saturday off right.Enjoy your time with Bre .Your little girl is as special as she is because of the lovely Mother she has ,the Mother that taught her perhaps far more than she realizes.So we thank you Michelle for giving us the Bre, the angel who does so much to make this world a better place.

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CARTOONB 2/4/2012 1:49PM

    Enjoy your visit with Bre. It sounds like you have a great relationship.

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What?! She's Rambling Again.

Thursday, February 02, 2012

I'm not sure.

I can't help but wonder what life, as of late, has been trying to teach me. It's been this crazy cacophony of hits and misses, tides and tsunamis, peace and chaos. It makes me wonder at times if I am living in the Twilight Zone. It has even made me think of doing things that I normally wouldn't do. But, then again, I would have a difficult time calling my husband and kids and telling them that I was living under a pier in Florida. "Job? Oh no, guys, no job...I'm beach-bumming it for awhile, living the life of a bona fide gypsy. In fact, I've changed my named to Vladoma and lunch is always served ON TIME at high tide. I've learned to be very fast with Cappi's spear!!"


Oh, just let me fantasize a little bit right now, would you? Between my son coming back home and my husband's upcoming heart surgery, I like going a little "mad." I would never do some of the stuff I think about doing but don't we all, at some point, when things are going just a LITTLE crazy, think, "Man. I would give anything right now if I could just..." what? Wring someone's neck? Scream? Eat the whole dern jar of kosher pickles? We all do it and some just have very vivid imaginations at doing it. If it weren't for MY imagination and it's little eccentricities I would be a pile of blubbering slobber waiting for someone to unlock me from my straight jacket.

But I've learned a few things over the last couple of years. I am strong but God is stronger. People leave, whether through their own choosing or not, but God NEVER does. And just when I think I can't handle another helping of chaos, it comes and I make it through. I still breathe. The sun still rises. After the crazy winds calm, I find I am still on my feet. My hair may be standing on end, knees may be knocking, but my feet are still on the ground. And that's because God is standing beside me holding me up. He won't let me fall. He won't let me crumble. Even when I look up at Him and say, "Just let me go. Please. I don't understand why this is happening, why You care so very much..."

When I was in the womb, God knew even THEN that I would be a basket-case all of my life. He knew that I was going to be a "spaz" with hummingbird speed. I scrutinize, I pick apart every little word and thing and wear myself out trying to find the key that unlocks life's great mysteries. He knew that I would live my life in blazing color and wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see. I don't care either. Perhaps He made me the way I am so that someone can benefit from my rantings and ravings, that perhaps they can see some of themselves in me and not feel so alone in this world. That maybe they won't feel like they're so crazy after all. Perhaps He made me the way I am because He knew I could handle being me. Why else??

Life is tough.

We all need some kind of coping mechanism. Alcohol didn't work for me. Smoking weed didn't get me anything except a wupping from my mother. Twice. (Same incident but she was so mad she blistered me twice in the same night.) So I found other ways to get through. Painting. Learning to ride a motorcycle. Writing. God.

Oh, it's still tough! Who the heck am I kidding?! Hence the gypsy fantasies. With Cappi. But then I open my eyes, see a family who needs me, who loves me, who depends on me and I take a deep breath and stand taller. I ball up my fists and move forward, after reaching over and grabbing hold of God's hand, of course, and don't leave for that pier. One day, yes, but not now. Not until my work here is done. And not before God says it's okay for me to do so.

If you are feeling weak, it's okay to find your pier, in whatever manner you have to do it.

Just don't let go of God's loving embrace.

God bless.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAMMIESMOM13 2/4/2012 5:32PM

    emoticon Just keep using us for your shoulder, then go back and be strong for your family. :-)

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MISHKALA 2/3/2012 7:59PM

    God has certainly blessed your family with such a wonderful spirit like you. You are right - things happen when you let go and let God take care of your worries. My prayers to you and your husband as he goes through his surgery. emoticon

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I'm living in the van
down by the river

Never even thought 'bout the pier!


You and Brian are in my prayers

I know things will work out!

Take care

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OLDERDANDRT 2/3/2012 4:42PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KAILYNSTAR 2/3/2012 12:11PM

    It seems to pour on a person all at one time. I'm sorry to hear that your husband needs surgery, but on the upside, it's caught now. Not later when it's too late. So God is there, whispering that something is us and that something needs to be done.

I do hope that you can cope. Lean more on us if you have too.

We are here to for in Spirit, if not physically.

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KATVHALE 2/3/2012 11:05AM

  Just remember what James said in his epistle, "Count it all Joy!" When you have Jesus in your heart, it's all good honey!

Brian will get through just fine and he will feel so much better afterwards; not for about month, but then after that! hahaha

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FAERY_FACE 2/3/2012 3:39AM

    I pray with you for all the right things to happen. That is how God works, hey? The right thing at the right time, always. emoticon

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FLEMIDG 2/3/2012 1:03AM

    Sorry to hear of all you are going through, Michelle. God bless you. I will be praying for you and all your family. I can understand some of what you are going through. I love your attitude. Don't ever forget that God will never let us down. He is always there. I will pray that He will wrap His loving arms around you and your family so that you can't help but feel His presence. I am sending you lots of love and hugs.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


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CIVIAV 2/2/2012 11:39PM

    Such a beautiful soul you have... Thanks for such open sharing.

And by the way, try singing!

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CHERIRIDDELL 2/2/2012 11:19PM

    Oh Michelle I hope things take a turn for the better for you .take care.hugs,Cheri

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CARTOONB 2/2/2012 10:15PM


I like your rantings and ravings. Makes my internal rantings and ravings seem/feel more normal. You are okay!

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LMB-ESQ 2/2/2012 10:00PM

    Wow, you sound an awful lot like a mom to me. Mom's everywhere unite.... the whole, hand-wringing, slobber-blubbering, knee-knocking, hair-standing, chaotic lot of us. We do what we have to do, and whatever gets us through the day, whether it be God, motorcycles, writing, or fantasizing, may it never cease, never weaken, and never let us go. You can do this. We can all do this. emoticon

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BKNOCK 2/2/2012 9:59PM

    Great blog! You sort of described me but I don't know about that name Vladoma!

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GEEMAWEST 2/2/2012 9:58PM

    I'm sorry. I didn't realize that your DH was having heart surgery soon. What's up with that? You have a lot going on and you need to cut yourself some slack.

I was going to write to you and carry on about how things in my life were in turmoil and then I realized that there is always someone else that has it worse than me. Hang in there girlfriend. We can do this!! Life I mean.

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SAC-6582 2/2/2012 9:43PM

    Life can sure be tough and unfair at times. And without God I know I would never make it. But with God we can get through anything. I'll be praying for your husband and for you.

Psalms 91; Prov 3:5-8

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MISS_VIV 2/2/2012 9:37PM

    Holding hands, hanging on tight.
Knowing that with your blessed luck, the tide would change and wash you out to sea. HE wouldn't let that happen, but you know what I mean - I'm just thinking of other tough spots you have been in and survived.

You have a amazing, contagious attitude and I for one always enjoy your writings.

Rant on - Rave a bit too, but don't give up fantasizing.
We do what we have to do as maintain our sanity.
God Bless You Always - all ways. emoticon

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No Go

Sunday, January 29, 2012

I didn't get it.

Although the interview went well and they "liked my attitude," the job was ultimately meant for someone else...with a degree and previous experience in that field. Yes, I am heartbroken but I do see their position. They had to do what was "right" for the organization and the county itself.

I have to admit that it seemed a little daunting. I am certainly not a numbers person by any shape or means. The thought that I would be surrounded with money figures and dollar signs made me a little queasy. However, the idea that I would be surrounded by those special children gave me goosebumps, excitement, joy. That is what breaks my heart in so many ways, that I will not get to know them. That I will not get to feel their soft, warm, squishy hugs and unconditional love. But that is purely from a selfish standpoint and I have to remind myself that my contact with them would have possibly been minimal at best.

There's alot on my plate right now. Perhaps change at this time wasn't what I needed to add to the mix. Perhaps God has other plans for me. Okay, no "perhaps" about it, He DOES. Just "what" I don't know and I just get sooo impatient at times. Maybe that's why I am up at 1 a.m. blogging, trying to quiet the questions and uncertainties in my mind. It's therapeutic for me to do so. By the way, I wish to thank you all for your prayers and well-wishes...God heard them. He just had to make His own decision in the matter, you know? I appreciate all of you who stood by me and cheered me on. You really are the best of the best.

Long hours at my current job are taking a toll on me physically-wise. Yet, I have volunteered for more, trying to get my kids on their feet while they are dealing with uncertainties of their own. It gets a little swarmy sometimes around here but we are doing what we can to heal past wounds and give hope for their future. I can't help but feel overwhelmed and fearful but I love them and will do anything for them.

I'm just so tired. And somewhat self-defeated. But I understand that is normal? But I will remain hopeful. I've been down that road of being at the end of my rope and it didn't feel good then so I know it wouldn't feel good now. I doesn't serve any purpose. Sooo, here I go again, just taking it one day at a time. One minute at a time. Leaning on the only Arms that have never let me down, that have always been strong and unwaivering. I've come to learn one thing in this life...that God is really the O-N-L-Y O-N-E you can depend on. Him and yourself. (Sometimes not even yourself, though. So He's It.)

But Steelkickin is still kickin' even in just short spurts right now. My next goal? Maybe it's a good idea not to have ANY right now. So my goal is to not to have a goal, if that makes sense. Not forever, just for right now.

Goodnight, all. Maybe I can sleep now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREGGWEISBROD 12/8/2013 4:45PM

    It's a tough way to live sometimes, allowing yourself to go all out when your heart desires something. Holding nothing back and just plowing forward. The pain when it doesn't work out is suffocating at times, but the joys when things actually do work out are unlike any we ever experience in life. I certainly don't attack all my life that way, but I feel on the whole like it's well worth it for the highs - though the lows definitely suck. Sorry the job didn't work out, I think you probably would have been sad though, being so close to the kids you love but rarely getting to interact with them. A mild form of torture really. :-)

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    sending you a hug for comfort and maybe you just need to take a ride and let the wind blow in your face. get refreshed and all. there is something out there waiting for youm hang in there.

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DARLENEK04 1/30/2012 3:38PM

Sorry you didn't get the job, but if your kid contact was
going to be minimal anyway, then He knows where you will
bloom the best and will put you there.

Be patient, one day at a time........sometimes it gets to
the one hour at a time, but I still rest in Him and let
Him work stuff out.


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CARTOONB 1/29/2012 10:47PM

    There is a perfect job out there waiting for you. It will show itself when the time is right. Now, take some time for yourself. Remember, you put the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on your child. You can't help them if you make yourself sick. emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 1/29/2012 8:40PM

    Sorry the job didn't work out...but evidently God has a better plan for you which He will reveal to you in His own time.

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MOMFAN 1/29/2012 6:51PM

    God is in time, on time, every time!

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GEEMAWEST 1/29/2012 5:31PM

    I sorry it didn't work out. But I like the tone of your blog. You will be fine, my friend, just fine.

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CIVIAV 1/29/2012 5:28PM

    Sorry about the job but boy did you see why you might wish to be working with kids. Perhaps there's a future in a better job with the same people or just simply you have more info to point you in the right direction. But I'm glad you're still kicking!

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BIONICBETH 1/29/2012 5:15PM

    Aww...crud! I'm sorry.

You've got the right attitude though. And who knows, maybe when/if they have a position that more directly deals with the kids, they'll think of you.


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KATVHALE 1/29/2012 3:22PM

  God is in control and right now He said no to that position but I believe another door will open for you in His time.... So, yes, grab that new goal and just chill.

Please don't overdo the extra hours and make yourself more ill than you already are! You can only do so much for your children; I don't think they want you to kill yourself at this time!

Love ya and I'm praying for you!


Comment edited on: 1/29/2012 3:24:00 PM

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CHRIS3215 1/29/2012 12:58PM

    Sorry to hear about not getting the job, BUT BETTER comes to those who wait!!!
There is a reason not with you no like you said GOD, has a plan..


emoticon emoticon

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LMB-ESQ 1/29/2012 11:25AM

    Sorry you didn't get the job. I know it's disappointing. But there is the whole "when one door closes, a window will open" thing. Just gotta figure out where the window is!

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OLDERDANDRT 1/29/2012 11:20AM

    emoticon emoticon

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KAILYNSTAR 1/29/2012 9:32AM

    How disappointing for you! Sorry to hear the news, I know that you were a shining beacon in that office and there are times that it just doesn't seem fair.

Yes, God has a plan for each of us. Mine is to be the rock for my family. I feel weary sometimes, but then, out of nowhere comes such a refreshing feeling and I am full of vigor again.

That will happen for you. Just center yourself and be with you and God.

Maybe later there will be something open at the school and they will call you. You just never know.

As for taking on more work, don't push yourself too hard. You should know better by now.

Take care of yourself and know that you are loved.


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FLYER99 1/29/2012 9:16AM

    I am so sorry you didn't get the job. But, you have one heck of a great attitude. I believe that everything happens for a reason. When I look back on my life there were many jobs I didn't get but, know what? I always got a job better than the one I had applied for. God has a plan for each and every one of us. He has a great plan for you. Have faith, my dear friend, and you will eventually receive the best you can have! Bob.
emoticon emoticon

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HOT4FITNESS 1/29/2012 8:42AM

    Sometimes one door that gets shut in your face, opens many other doors of opportunity. You are so right, God has a plan and HE IN IN CONTROL!!! Keep moving forward on your journey. The challenges and struggles today will soon become endless treasures. Stay on track my friend

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BKNOCK 1/29/2012 7:30AM

    I am sorry that you did not get the job. Don't slam that door totally. It sounds like that job was not the one with all the numbers but maybe something else in that field? Something where you can be around the kids more?

I will continue to remember you in my prayers!

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CHERIRIDDELL 1/29/2012 1:30AM

    I know something that is just right will turn up.You are such a kind and giving person there has to be something good right around the corner for you.I will just redouble my prayer efforts.Sometimes when we least expect it the best opportunity marches right in.Something good will happen Michelle you deserve I know it will come to you. love and hugs,Cheri

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My Interview!!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I was so nervous when I walked into the school this afternoon. I caught my reflection in the glass doors before I walked in and my first thought was, "I don't look like an administrative secretary. Why am I here???" But when I walked up to the counter, the receptionist turned and smiled brightly. She said, "Michelle! Have a seat and they will be right with you!" I sat quietly in the cushioned chairs and felt out of place. Fake flowers adorned the ornate stands and the floors were buffed to perfection. Pictures of past administrators, teachers and founders hung boldly on the walls and stared at me with scrutiny. Ugh.

I looked down at my hands and noticed they were shaking. I decided to sit on them and crossed my legs until one was wrapped behind the other. Nibbling my bottom lip, I stole a glance at the receptionist and noticed her smiling at me. I quickly changed positions and smiled back. The bell rang and the halls were suddenly flooded with children.

Special children. With angel eyes.

The ones who walked passed me looked at me quizzically. They knew I was an outsider. Yet, their expressions became excited and many of them said, "Hi!" and "How are YOU TODAY??" I was especially impressed with the young man who drew his hands together in "gangsta" style and said, "YESSS! YOU DA BOMB!" I giggled as the receptionist told him to "Move on, playa." I was enjoying myself, lost in the moment when I was called back to the meeting room.

Instant anxiety. But I smiled at the four faces behind the table with enthusiasm and I approached them with an open hand. As I shook each one, the last lady held on a little longer and looked at me with hesitation. Then suddenly her face lit up and she exclaimed, "It ISSS you! I remember you from nursing school! Do you remember me?" I did. I chatted with her for a few moments and took a seat. They each looked at me, then each other and then the questions began.

I was informed that the title of the position had changed. It was no longer administrative secretary. I would be the assistant to the fiscal budget officer for the county. My duties would include payroll, grants, funding, letters, memos, the list did not end. I suddenly felt overwhelmed and sat stunned, the smile frozen on my face. Then I was asked THEE question:

"What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?"

Slowly positioning myself in my chair and folding my hands in my lap, I made a conscious effort to look each one of them in the face. I opened my mouth.

"Let's begin with my weaknesses. I do not have an accounting degree. The things which you speak of would certainly be effortless to someone who does have that training or experience. But with that, I will go directly into my strengths...I am a quick learner. I pay attention to detail. If I am given the correct guidance and teaching, you can expect nothing but my all, my best, in any given situation. I am friendly, caring, punctual and believe that I have something to offer to this organization. I would like to be given the chance to work in this capacity, with each of you. And might I add, I love these children."

"Tell us WHY you love these children."

Suddenly I felt the flood gates open and I spoke of the years volunteering for the Special Olympics. Then I told them of the young man I took care of for many years, who had special needs. And my sadness when he passed away. Before I realized it, I was gushing, smiling, reliving the moments that I spent with him and they were gushing and smiling with me. Then, I suddenly remembered that this was an interview and I sat up straight and cleared my throat. Embarrassed by my own enthusiasm, I swept the hair from my forehead and looked sheepishly at them.

They were all smiling. From ear-to-ear.

"We like you. Very much. Would you be interested in meeting with the second panel of interviewers? We don't really care that you don't have an accounting degree, Michelle. But we do care and love your attitude. Would you like for us to call you to set up a time?"

YES!YES!YES! (I was screaming that on the inside, by the way. Tempted to jump on the table and dance but I refrained. But it was soooo difficult not to do so!!)

As I was leaving, the gentleman stood up and asked if I knew Brett. Brett is my front-end manager at work and I said I knew him well. He disclosed that he was his brother and he had heard good things about me from him. He said he looked forward to speaking to me again.

When I started out the front door, I ran into a young man who looked very familiar. I smiled and he held the door.

"Hey! You're not speaking to me?"

Then it dawned on me that he used to work in the Tire and Lube Department at my store. We chatted for a few minutes and I discovered that he was the athletic director for Hope Haven now. He wished me luck and said that he would put in a good work for me. Giving me a quick hug he smiled and said he would say a prayer as well.

If I get this job, I will do my very absolute best to be the BEST assistant fiscal budget officer I can be. I may not be comfortable with numbers but I am comfortable with these people, these children and am confident in my ability to learn! It just felt so "right" there. And I was connected to these people in small of the many blessings of being from a small town. I hope. I hope. I pray. I hope and pray that I get this job...

Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers that have gotten me to this point. Just a little more?? Teeny bit?? A teeny teeny bit more??? Lol...

Change can be good. Yes? Yes.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OLDERDANDRT 1/29/2012 11:21AM

    emoticon emoticon

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    sounds like you have a good network there of people you know. that is definitely in your favor. hopes the second interview is as successful, dont think i would stress it.

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CIVIAV 1/27/2012 6:55PM

    Rooting loudly! They saw you, really saw you! Good for you for letting it all show...

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MOMFAN 1/27/2012 12:02AM


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DARLENEK04 1/25/2012 10:07PM

  I pray God leads you and them together. You love these
children and always do great at whatever you are doing.
You will be a blessing to them.


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GEEMAWEST 1/25/2012 9:01PM

    Sounds to me like you've got it in the bag. Of course they haven't called me yet for my opinion. LOL

I'll be praying for you, Michelle. You can count on it!

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BKNOCK 1/25/2012 7:10PM

    Wow, that sounds like such an awesome interview! I knew that you would shine! This sounds like a great fit! I really like the way that you know so many people that work there!


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CALIMAN1 1/25/2012 3:21PM

    wow, that is really much looks positive at this point...will keep you in my prayers, but I have to say, your heart in this job would be a dream fit. Also, since I am a numbers guy, the "accounting/payroll, etc.." part of the job will come to a fine painting, administrative work as related to numbers is often more art than'll be fine.

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IMNOTTHEREYET 1/25/2012 1:52PM

    Michelle, I wish all my interviews went that well. Trust God to guide you and know that his will is perfect. I do not know what his plans are for you but I pray that he uses you in this job or any other.

Much love, your Bro in Christ.

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KAILYNSTAR 1/25/2012 12:02PM

    Isn't it funny how a person can get carried away when talking about something or someone that they love? I'm sure that you went far in that interview. So glad that you made the step to do something that you're sure that you would love.


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STAYCXL-NOMORE 1/25/2012 10:49AM

    Sounds like your personality SHINED threw , good luck on round two , you give them your SPARK we all see here and that JOB is yours SF !!

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LMB-ESQ 1/25/2012 7:45AM

    emoticon You would be GREAT at a job in a school! I hope you get it!

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BIONICBETH 1/25/2012 7:42AM

    I'm glad they asked you why you loved those kids. It gave you the opportunity to JUST BE YOU. And who could NOT love that?

Congratulations on knocking their socks off in round one! And of course, I will continue rooting for you right through the second panel...into the first day of work...and beyond.


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LIZZYP609 1/25/2012 6:53AM

    Saying my prayers and you are in them! Only thing you have to be is yourself. Your lack of experience is really a minor thing when you let your beautiful soul shine through.
Great job on this interview. The job is yours. I know it!

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 1/25/2012 12:33AM

    Only God knows the path you are supposed to be taking right now. But I pray that this is the one for you. You are so right for this position. Glad your interview went so well!!! Praying that your second interview goes well too!!!
Blessings and hugs,

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FLEMIDG 1/25/2012 12:27AM

    Awesome. I am so happy this interview went so well for you. I am praying for you. It sounds like you were made for this job. I am so excited for you.


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ZENMIND7 1/24/2012 11:31PM

    Sounds like they thought you were DA BOMB!!! Just kidding... sort of.

Good job! It sounds like you might get a job offer soon. :-)

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CHERIRIDDELL 1/24/2012 11:11PM

    Oh I have a good feeling about this but then I think they would be crazy not to hire you (I might be a teensy bit biased in your favour but only with just cause I might add !!!!!!)A good rapport with the children is important and you have that in spades. Michelle I will be praying for you but in my opinion you are a shoe in the best they could hope for ! hugs,Cheri

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OLDERDANDRT 1/24/2012 10:55PM

    No, Michelle, I cannot give you a teeny bit of encouragement and prayers. I can only give a LOT!!!!!!!!! I feel VERY confident that this job is yours if you want it! Hugs and prayers, hopes and wishes all coming your way in the giant, economy size!!!! Love you girl!
WooHoo! emoticon

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CARTOONB 1/24/2012 10:52PM

    Not dancing on the table was probably a wise choice. It sou DS like the interview went well. I'm rooting for you, praying for you, cheering for you. If they're smart (and it sounds like they are), you'll get this job. Good luck!

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USFBULL 1/24/2012 10:45PM

    Hope your second interview goes as well as the first. Nice work emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MISS_VIV 1/24/2012 10:35PM


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