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Crystal Clear Love

Saturday, September 03, 2011

Yep. I just sent my baby girl off to college again for her sophomore year. I reflect back on the memories of this past summer; concerts, the wisdom teeth fiasco, 2 a.m. key lime pie thefts from the fridge, a house full of laughter at all hours of the night with friends (my adopted sons and daughters). Suddenly, once again, the house is silent and there are remnants left of her presence. She forgot her phone charger. Her birthday cards still adorn her dresser along with her eyebrow tweezers. (She's going to have to get a new pair quickly! Like mine, her eyebrows grow into a unibrow!) The barren spot in the driveway where her car used to sit sends tears to my eyes...

She took her car this year. THAT MEANS SHE CAN COME HOME WHENEVER SHE WANTS. Okay, that makes me feel a LITTLE better but still....

Ugh. I'm not looking forward to coming home from work to an empty house. I'm more upset for myself. She's happy and well-adjusted. She's excelling. She possesses a positive and nurturing personality and has the most outrageous and engaging sense of humor of anybody that I know. I must have done something right with this kid. I thought it would be easier the second time around sending her out into the world but it feels so much more difficult this time. What's up with THAT??

Okay, center yourself, Michelle. Breathe. One day, one breath, one step, one heartbeat at a time. (My new life motto.) There is one thought that keeps entering my mind. "When I grow up, I want to be just like you." That's what Bre has said to me through-out the years, almost from the time she could talk. But I'm not hearing it in her voice anymore. I'm hearing it in mine...saying it to HER.

Dearest Bre,
I want to be just LIKE YOU. I want to look at each moment as a new adventure, an opportunity to reach beyond my own self-imposed limits. I want to find laughter in the small things and learn how to be content in the MOMENT. Just like you. I want to grab the small beautiful moments by the tail and ride with them, like you have done, and share them with the people around me. I want to be able to share a smile with others even when my own heart hurts, to hold out my hand to help another who has fallen, just as you have done all of these years. Your heart is bigger and fuller than my own. It has always been given to others with so much fervor and grace, so much love, that it cascades over its own walls.

As much as I want to sit here and allow the tears to fall from my face and retreat to my bedroom to wallow in my loneliness, I will not. You would not do that. I imagine that you are giddy with excitement, fixing up your dorm room and sharing time with your friends.

But I miss you. And I love you more than what a human being could possibly love another. I truly believe you do not experience earthly love so fervently and real until you hold your babies in your arms. So, just wait. The true gift of love is yet to come for you when you hold your OWN baby beanie in your arms.

And I will be there. Right beside you...both.

But until then, enjoy being you and learning everything new and exciting about yourself. I will be here when you miss home. I will be here when you need someone to talk to. I will just always be...

HERE for you.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1_AMAZING_WOMAN 9/5/2011 8:40PM

    It's so nice that you and Bre are so close. And, that she is such a well adjusted young lady.

I know the empty-nest syndrome is hard, but this gives you both an opportunity to spread your wings and develope your relationship in new ways that will only be further blessings.

Amber

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DARLENEK04 9/4/2011 6:26PM

  Thankful Michelle that you and Bre are so close.
Hope you are strong enough to let her spread her
wings and fly, a little bit further each time she goes
back to school....

Loveya,
Darlen
e

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LINDAKAY228 9/4/2011 12:42PM

    What a beautiful and heartfelt blog and a wonderful letter to your daughter!

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JUNEBUG150 9/3/2011 11:50PM

    What a beautiful and moving blog! It is hard to send our kids off to college and I don't think it got any easier for me as the years went on. That was 18 years ago and guess what?! Now, I live with her and her family. You have a lovely daughter and I know that you are so proud of her as you should be :)

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GEEMAWEST 9/3/2011 10:51PM

    Be thankful that she gets to come home for the summer. Mine went to Australia for the summer. I only get to see her once a year, if I'm lucky.

OK, so now I'm feeling sorry for myself. Guess I should try to learn something from you, eh? Boy, that's a tough one. LOL

Just be thankful that you raised such an awesome young lady. You really did it right!!

Love ya and Miss ya Bunches!!

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KAILYNSTAR 9/3/2011 9:06PM

    So dear to your heart. I cannot imagine what it feels like. I do know that my eldest is 15.5 years and just started high school. I know that the time is coming and I have heard some of his thoughts as to what he wants to do.

I already miss him and he hasn't even left the house.

My dear friend. I wish you happiness and joy in your new adventures during her school year. I'm sure that with time, you will find something to fulfill your life. Not sure what, but something.

Hugs.

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JUNIAATROME 9/3/2011 8:50PM

    My 'baby' is coming back in a few days - all finished. But how long she'll stay?.... We had Tamara with us for a few weeks this summer but that's short ... However, I get to be in Zagreb twice a week this semester and the up side of that inconvenience is the fact that I get to spend it with my kid. LOVE...:D

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 9/3/2011 8:46PM

    Oh, what a precious blog! PRECIOUS! I could feel your pain and emotion as I have also experienced this! *sigh* Hang in there, my dear friend! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OLDERDANDRT 9/3/2011 7:52PM

    Sweetie, I know how you're feeling, missing her. I sent mine off once upon a time, too. But listen....all those great traits of hers that you want to have to be like her....guess where she got them in the first place? YOU, dear! I have a suspicion that since she has her car, you WILL be seeing more of her this year!
Love ya, Michelle. Take care and have a safe and peaceful Labor Day weekend!!!

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CARTOONB 9/3/2011 4:39PM

    You typed BOO, so it doesn't count. emoticon

Now go out there and be like Bre. Go giggle with your friends and enjoy your time. THEN she'll be home before you know it.

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LMB-ESQ 9/3/2011 4:39PM

    How fast they grow up :-/

Mine will be there tomorrow, it will be his last quarter as a sophomore, and his last quarter at OU. He's transferring to OSU for starting in January for the agri program. **sigh** talk about sending your kid off into the big bad world....

They are beautiful, aren't they?

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STEELKICKIN 9/3/2011 4:08PM

    BOO!!

LOL, okay, where is she???
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BKNOCK 9/3/2011 3:51PM

    She'll be home for a visit before you can say boo!

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PJSTIME 9/3/2011 2:48PM

    You have a wonderful daughter and she has a wonderful mom. Feel the joy and pride in the accomplishment you have made raising such a beautiful daughter inside and out.

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HOT4FITNESS 9/3/2011 2:17PM

    As I sit here and read your blog, I am tearful. I sent my son off to college again for his Junior year only a couple of weeks ago. It was a bit easier this year than the previous years but still hard. It is hard coming home every day to an empty nest. And isn't it amazing how we spend the first 18 years teaching and nurturing our children then they turn around and teach and nurture us? You raised a fine, and beautiful daughter!

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Beanie's Little Adventure

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I feel bad for laughing at her now....but, I gotta tell ya, she was just so daggone funny that I laughed until the tears ran down my face. This morning was Beanie's oral surgery to remove her two upper and two lower wisdom teeth. Although I was filled with worry and trepidation, I couldn't help but giggle when I walked into her recovery room.

She was lying beneath the covers, jaws plumped out with gauze...and the most amazing, widest smile I've ever seen. One eye tended to wander while the other stayed in place and her face beamed when she saw me walk in...

Although I couldn't understand most of what she was saying, I did make out several key words.

"Need more of this stuff...so freakin' awesome!" then she burst out in laughter.
"Baby, are you feeling alright?" I asked.
"Are you freakin' kiddin' me??? When is...doctor coming to take out my teeth?"
"You're done, sweetie!"
"(Laughing uncontrollably) Spifffffy! (Laughing uncontrollably)"
"(Laughing uncontrollably) Not feeling any pain?"
"(Laughing uncontrollably) Shoot! Tell 'im to get back here and take out some more!"
"Nooo, you can keep what you have now. We wanna keep that beautiful smile."
"(Taking her hands and mimicking biting with her fingers...) "Ight!"
""Ight'?? You mean 'bite'?"
"Ask if I can get some to take home with me...I will share. 'Ight??" (Winking...)
"OOOkay, young lady..."
"(Squealing in laughter) I should have worn pants today!" (She DID.)

I was laughing so hard that I couldn't see. But I managed to get out my phone and take a few shots...

"I can't believe you got me without my glasses!"

"You usually want pics taken WITHOUT THEM."
"I doooOOOO????"
"Oh dear, you're a handful today."
"That's what HE said."
"WHAT??"

Now I feel bad for laughing, however. She's lying in bed, jaws swollen, waking every hour. Sometimes a little moan will escape from her lips and I will jump to her side. Even at 19, she's my little girl. She always will be. And when it comes right down to it, no matter how old my kids get to be, they always seem to want me, need me by their side when things just aren't "'ight." It makes me feel amazing, loved, and honored...

But, oh, we are sooo gonna get to the bottom of the "that's what HE said" comment when she feels better.
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Trust me....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CIVIAV 8/23/2011 4:38PM

    Glad to hear you got a good chuckle from this one!

Comment edited on: 8/23/2011 4:38:31 PM

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KAILYNSTAR 8/16/2011 5:02PM

    Lovely pictures...Nothing better than a pic that your daughter is going to kill you for taking later! :)

Glad that you got a laugh out of that. You need to laugh more often.

Hugs.

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CALIMAN1 8/16/2011 3:22PM

    To echo a famous line in "When Harry Met Sally"...."I want what she's having...."

Or something like that...you know I don't remember anything anymore!

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LMB-ESQ 8/12/2011 6:31PM

    At some point, she WILL kill you for taking those pics! LOL

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FLEMIDG 8/12/2011 4:44PM

    Thanks for the laugh. I hope your DD doesn't mind you sharing those photos of her. I wonder what she'll remember when she recovers from that "wonderful" medicine. Glad she was in a good mood, though.
You are a wonderful mother. So glad you were with her.
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OLDERDANDRT 8/12/2011 11:52AM

    There's just about nothing funnier than a post oral surgery pt. with gauze in her mouth and under the influence of some goood drugs!!!!! ( and trying to talk!) emoticon At least she was in a good mood!!!( medically induced though it may have been! (hehe) I know she'll be fine now! What a good mom. You weren't laughing at her, you were there to laugh with her!!!! emoticon
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K8NJKSMOM 8/12/2011 8:52AM

    Too funny!!! You never know how they are going to react the that medicine! Glad she woke up in such a funny mood! Love the pics!!

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LINDAKAY228 8/12/2011 6:47AM

    That's so funny. There are times like that when we just can't help but laugh. When one of my grandson's was 3 and had to have oral surgery they gave him some medication before taking him back to surgery and putting him out. He was just so funny. My daughter (his mother) was getting irritated at me for laughing at him. He was so loopy and had his eyelids half closed and making comments that didn't make sense etc. My ex was an alcoholic and he was acting just like my ex when he was drunk. Glad she came through it okay. She may want to destroy those pics though when she really thinks about them LOL!

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JRDIAMOND4 8/12/2011 12:00AM

    What a hoot!! So funny.

My DS3 wanted the Dr to tell me it was ok for him to mow the yard when he got home. With that being said I was asking the Dr for some of that stuff to take home to administer when I needed something done around the house bwahaha He never did mow the yard and had no recollection of saying he would do it. bwahaha

When my DS2 had his removed we were in the parking lot for 15min walking the white line. He was trying to convince me he was perfectly fine to drive. I had to call his dad to come put him in the truck. I was so thankful Billy was working right down the road. When we arrived home, His dad told him to wait for him to come around and help him out of the truck. "No, Dad I got this!" Opened the door Billy yelling wait wait wait Slid right off the seat straight to the ground right on his behind. Looked straight up at his dad and said "I thought you were coming to help me" So hilarious.

I hope Beanie has a speedy recovery and good luck Mom with the "that's what he said" comment bwahaha

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CARTOONB 8/11/2011 11:32PM

    LOL!!! I'm so glad that Beanie was feeling soooo good! I do want to know about the "that's what he said" comment! Can't wait to hear what she comes up with!

When I had all four of my wisdom teeth pulled, I came out sedation crying. Didn't know why, but I cried.

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 8/11/2011 10:59PM

    Oh, my! This brought back recent fun memories of Jeff (our 22 yr. old) getting his out last month! What a hoot! He wasn't as funny, though, he was MEAN! Thank goodness, though, that his girlfriend and I both knew it was just the medicine, and WE laughed at HIM! emoticon

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ELYMWX 8/11/2011 10:52PM

    Too bad you didn't take a video - I'm sure it would have been a hit on YouTube!

I had my wisdom teeth out at 17; after I saw the X-rays when I was asked if I wanted the general anesthetic I said "yes". Surprisingly, I really didn't have much residual pain. My boss had his out when he was in his 30's and had it done as a "twilight" procedure; everything went well, however he had a few questions the next day after he got home and noticed the big bruise from the dentist's shoe on his chest...

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CHERIRIDDELL 8/11/2011 10:21PM

    Oh my I hope she feels that cheery tomorrow but somehow I doubt it. My daughter had a reaction to the meds and was anything but cheery and she was not pleased cause I still have my wisdom teeth @!!!!! We are waiting for the installment on the "That's what he said comment !" hugs,Cheri

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CHALLENGER15 8/11/2011 9:03PM

    Oh, my! I know just what you went through. My 22-yr-old had hers out just a year ago. And then she was allergic to the pain tablets later....

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BKNOCK 8/11/2011 8:43PM

    Poor baby!

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DARLENEK04 8/11/2011 8:40PM

  Oh don't worry Michelle, I had mine out and I was "ight" and fine
without joy juice. lol

I can just see you two trying to talk around the joy juice and a mouthfull
of gauze.

Poor babies....

You are a good Mommy...

Hugs,
Darlene

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GEEMAWEST 8/11/2011 8:36PM

    Too Funny! I had my wisdom teeth taken out at that same age. I don't remember feeling quite so cheery.

Hope she feels better soon. And let us know what you find out about the 'That's what he said' comment.

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KATVHALE 8/11/2011 8:31PM

  Hey, I want what she had! That monkey juice sure is good when you need it!

She has a few weeks ahead of her where she will be wanting that stuff again....

You are a good Mom to her and I know she is in the best of care now.
I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall watching you two!

Kat


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It's Over

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

I am cancer-free.

I AM CANCER-FREE.

Hearing those words this morning made me feel a number of things. Joy. Exhilaration. The mother-load of relief. I swear, I think I even had an out-of-body experience. I hung up the phone, looked at Brian and burst out crying. I don't think I have ever seen him rush to me so quickly and throw his arms around me. He kept whispering, "What, what, what...what did they say???" and I could finally blurt out the words I've been longing to say.

"It's not cancer. I am okay."

A very sweet man recently told me about the "dark night of the soul" and how it is God's way of making us who we are, how it can serve as a catalyst to draw us closer to Him. I always thought God and I were on the same page during my journey with Him. I always thought that we pretty much wanted the same thing for my life. When I was told about my lupus and heart defect, I accepted it for what it was and placed my trust in His ability to take care of me. But when I was told about the possibility I may have cancer, I became angry with God and almost felt a sense of betrayal. I started to push Him away when what I should have REALLY done was draw Him closer to me.

Even though I was feeling this way, almost to the point of shutting Him out of my life, He STILL wrapped His arms around my soul and took care of me. Imagine that.

Our God is an awesome God.

Someone else told me that I have to allow my friends to be there for me. It's funny how I know that it is true deep inside my heart and yet, I was almost afraid to let it out. Maybe out of fear of being seen as a drama queen and not wanting to bother everyone with my problems...you guys have plenty of dilemmas of your own and I did not want to add to them. But MY GOODNESS I am glad I did because I am sure...NO, I KNOW...your prayers are what helped to pull me through this. And it gave you all an opportunity to reach out and do what your heart longed to do. I owed you that. And I benefited in the end.

NOW, what am I going to do with the rest of my life? Now that I am cancer-free? It feels like the whole world has suddenly opened up before me and there is really nothing to get in my way. I don't have to worry about the "what-ifs." I don't have to lay in bed and worry and go through the thousands of scenarios a cancer diagnosis could bring. But I gotta tell you, it gives me a taste of what those who DO have that hideous disease are going through. I can't even begin to imagine the feelings that they have. It gives me a new appreciation for their tenacity and strength. It gives me a deeper respect for those who have battled it and won back their lives. And it gives me a sadness in my heart for those who couldn't persevere, who lost their lives and left behind broken families who are asking the same questions. "Why MY mother? Why MY daughter? Why MY FATHER or SON?

Valuable lesson learned. MANY valuable lessons learned.

The biggest one is that my God never left me even when I pushed Him away.

"What can separate us
From the love of Jesus Christ?
Nothing this world can even change.
I thought I once was lost
But now've been given grace...
It's a mystery that I will not chase..."
--Jeremy Camp

Thank you for your prayers. And thank you for being a patient and loving part of my journey...

...For I believe the wings of angels are often found on the backs of our closest friends.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STAYCXL-NOMORE 7/8/2011 3:24PM

    I am so happy for you !! My mother has been in remission with Lupus for 20 years now. I totally understand how the " what-if's " over load your mind and so glad you can now release your mind !! I will continue to pray for you , and your right God has his plan for your life and he just gave you that "GRACE"
enjoy !!
Stayc

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KRITTERKEEPERS 6/21/2011 1:12PM

    emoticon God is emoticon and will never forsake you! I am so happy to hear the good news!
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1NICUBABE 6/18/2011 10:23PM

    Awesome news and awesome God!

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TRUETOMOLLY 6/14/2011 2:49AM

    yes we do have an amazing, loving always forgiving God. What can separate us from the love of God? NOTHING! So THANKFUL you are okay!

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MISS_VIV 6/13/2011 12:03PM

    It's the news we were all hoping and praying for. God doesn't let us down, he may not always show us the road directly - but he lets us know IN HIS TIME all that we need to know.

BEST WISHES
HAPPY HAPPY DAY.

MUCH LOVE
Vivian

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NPA4LOSS 6/12/2011 1:58PM

    I am so happy for you. I was diagnosed with uterine cancer last year and was so thrilled to be one of those who they were able say "We got it all". There are times in life when God wants us to realize how truly blessed we are. emoticon

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UNSTOPPABLE_ 6/12/2011 12:54AM

    Praising the Lord with you Michelle! Our God is sooooooo good to us!


Love
Teresa

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MUSIC66 6/12/2011 12:51AM

    i am so happy for you , glad that you do not have cancer.

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PEGJOHN1997 6/11/2011 10:40PM

    I am so happy for you!

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IAM_HIS2 6/10/2011 3:05PM

    I so remember how I felt when I heard those words...I a very grateful you were blessed with those glorious words!! Hope to see more of you on Sparks!!!



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WINDSONG~ 6/10/2011 2:37AM

    emoticon

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CBEVNOW 6/10/2011 1:11AM

    I am so happy for you. I want to thank you for writing this blog. I am going through a very difficult time at this time in my life, with my husband. And this blog is a blessing to me. I was diagnosed with Kidney disease 3 years ago and i did push some friends away. They are back, thank goodness.
Sometimes i wondered why and are you there God, i knew in my heart he was,but i was having a pity party for me. My problem now is personal and i dont think it can be solved, but i know one thing God is with Me and will guide me. Thank you again.
Caroline







>






R>






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BR>













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CHRYS13 6/9/2011 6:24PM

    Bless you for sharing your story!!
Yes, our God is an awesome God!!

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1COUNTRY_GAL 6/9/2011 5:02PM

    That was such a moving and happy tearful emoticonbeautiful blog.Thank you for sharing your positive joyous news! Praise the Lord,God is Great and is Love.That has got to be the most freeing kind of feeling and a HUge Relief and weight taken off your shoulders,time to celebrate. emoticon emoticon emoticonDiana

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CALIMAN1 6/9/2011 3:30PM

    Words can't express the wonder of the freedom you wrote about....God really is good, all the time...very very happy for you and your fam... emoticon

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JOHNTJ1 6/9/2011 12:15PM

    Hard to express in the written word how very happy I am that you received that good news.

So, what do you do with the rest of your life? How exciting

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 6/9/2011 11:56AM

    Wow. I don't even know what to type. How do we get connected to people who are only at the end of a keyboard? Someone we have never met and yet we care for so deeply, as if they were family? Logically, it makes no sense but I have found that love is rarely logical. I am glad to hear your news.

sending you lots of hugs!

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DIETSAFARI 6/9/2011 11:27AM

    I am so happy!
Bless you

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KAILYNSTAR 6/9/2011 11:18AM

    That is a beautiful saying. "I believe the wings of angels are often on the backs of our closest friends."

I have never thought of that.

You open my eyes in so many ways, with your stories, humour, love, excitement, hope, beliefs, wonder and most of all strength.

To walk the path that you walked, God obviously had a lesson for you. Real understanding of what-ifs like the others that you mentioned above.

I am so glad that you have got that rush of relief. That your husband was there for you when you let it all go.

Cancer Free.

Very good words to say.

God Bless You.

Comment edited on: 6/9/2011 11:19:30 AM

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STARTINGINLIMBO 6/9/2011 11:02AM

    Thank you for sharing your wonderful news with us. I got goosebumps as I read your testimony of what God means to you. Amen!

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LINDAKAY228 6/9/2011 4:52AM

    I am just so happy for you that I can't even think of much to say. Just deep profound joy for you!!!

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HICKOK-HALEY 6/9/2011 2:47AM

    Wonderful news. Sure put a smile on my face. Your so right. God loves you, and was there for you the whole time.

“He is the healer of the brokenhearted. He is the one who bandages their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
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WALKOFFWIN 6/9/2011 1:40AM

    Thank GOD you are cancer free!!! And I also thank God that you are you!
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PANFRIEDTROUT 6/9/2011 1:01AM

    Praise God! I've been praying for your health, your family and even with the good news, will continue to do so. Isn't our Father so amazing? A friend of mine commented many years ago that "my husband chased me so hard, I caught him" .... I think God is like that.

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DUTCHIEKIWI 6/9/2011 12:45AM

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Thank god!!!!!!!!!!!

xoxoxox
R>Dutchie

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FLEMIDG 6/9/2011 12:26AM

    What a moving blog, Michelle. God is indeed good. I am so happy to hear that you don't have cancer. I have been praying for you and asking God to wrap you in His loving arms and take care of you. He did just that.
I have another prayer to pray tonight, one of thanks to God for answers to prayers. I am continuing to pray for you and your family each night.
I know that whatever you choose to do with the rest of your life it will be successful. You have such determination and drive in you. God bless you and your family and know that you are so loved.

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Darlene

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JUNEBUG150 6/8/2011 11:26PM

    What wonderful news! Praise the Lord! Hugs, Melody

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GEEMAWEST 6/8/2011 10:39PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SWEETNEENI 6/8/2011 10:28PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
God is good.

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NEED2SUCCEED 6/8/2011 9:50PM

    That is wonderful news!!

Hugs!
Lacey emoticon

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ROBINROSE3 6/8/2011 9:29PM

    Prayers are answered. God is Good. I am so happy for you!!! emoticon

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LIZZYP609 6/8/2011 9:05PM

    i have come to my own "light bulb" moment this week. Our God is Good! I am so glad this prayer was answered the way I wanted it to be! (because i belive that God ALWAYS answers prayers just not always the way we want them to be all the time) I am so happy for you Michelle!

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SCOTMAMA 6/8/2011 8:49PM

    That was SUCH A MOVING BLOG -- I happened to see another friend had commented on it, and I wanted to see what it said -- I'm so glad I did.

I can only imagine how you felt when you heard those words on the phone -- and I can relate to you bursting into tears, women seem to have tears for joy as well as tears for sadness! We are strong, but at the same time vulnerable!

Hooray for you for being cancer free! Give thanks to our great God for making such news possible!

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SCMAMAJONES 6/8/2011 8:47PM

    I've been thinking of you. I am so glad that the tests were negative.

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CIVIAV 6/8/2011 7:58PM

    Phew! I can breath now and I am so glad for how it turned out! and how glad I am that you could let us know...

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Comment edited on: 6/8/2011 7:59:26 PM

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JENNA-P 6/8/2011 7:47PM

    That is wonderful wonderful news! I'm so happy to hear that. That must have been so so stressful.

Thank you for writing this blog and the comments you made about your relationship with God. I've been going through a very rough time as well and with the stillbirth of my two daughters I've began to question his place in my life. But reading your blog has given me hope and has helped me realize that maybe he is still there. I really needed to hear this today :)

Now go and enjoy your life! I"m so happy that you can live it cancer-free!!

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DARLENEK04 6/8/2011 7:33PM

  Thank you Jesus.......................
>Loveyou,
Darlene

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OLDERDANDRT 6/8/2011 7:23PM

    Thank God from whom all blessings flow!!!Now you can get on with the business of life!!!! Love ya, hon and I can't possible tell you how happy I am for you as well as your family! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon doing my funky happy dance for you!!!! emoticon

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ELYMWX 6/8/2011 7:07PM

    Great news, Michelle!

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CARTOONB 6/8/2011 7:04PM

    Halle-freaking-lujahh!!!

And Amen, sistah!

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BKNOCK 6/8/2011 6:35PM

    I told you that you would be all right! I knew that our God would not let me lose such a beautiful friend!

But I am still doing somersaults for you! I know exactly how you feel!

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CHERIRIDDELL 6/8/2011 6:16PM

    What awesome news ,you have made my day!Isn't it wonderful to have our prayers answered! I am so delighted you are candcer free ! I'd do back flips but it has been so long I think I have even forgotten how to do the virtual kind onereallybig dog is doing .So I will leap for joy instead that I can do !!!!

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WINE4GIRL 6/8/2011 6:11PM

    emoticon
God truly is Awesome!

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ONEREALLYBIGDOG 6/8/2011 6:00PM

    What GREAT NEWS!

Many prayers have been answered!
Praise the Lord!

I have to settle down a bit, as my back is aching,
from doing backflips!

OK OK Virtual backflips and NO pain in the back, I might be a pain in YOUR back, : )

Bet you are on Cloud 9

I'm SO happy for you both

Take care and quit sitting on those needles

Yippee

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PJSTIME 6/8/2011 5:45PM

    What a wonderful blog full of good news and joy and reminder to leave our care and worries in the Lords Hands.

Now you and Brian can go and celebrate this good (NO GREAT) news.

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LMB-ESQ 6/8/2011 5:45PM

    I am thrilled for you!!!! Now... go enjoy.... LIVE your LIFE!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 6/8/2011 5:37PM

    Oh, my GOODNESS! PRAISE THE LORD, Oh, my soul! That is fantastic news! I wish I could say more! I'm on the run to work at United Supermarket! emoticon

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THEBOOKBINDER 6/8/2011 5:36PM

    Awesome Blog and so very true! Happy for you.

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KATRINAKAT23 6/8/2011 5:05PM

  I am so happy for you. That is great news!!

Go and celebrate, you deserve it.

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LEXIEEE14 6/8/2011 5:01PM

    Wow, I am so happy for you, congratulations!

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Muck and Mire

Thursday, June 02, 2011

I've been gone so long, I almost forgot how to navigate through SparkPeople. Shoot, I almost forgot my password and had to dig out the notebook where I keep such things. (There must have been a half inch of dust on it.) I am a mess, to be totally honest. I am so used to being able to be the happy one, the one with some sort of "learned lesson" to share with others. Yes, there were alot of times I would have struggles and blog about them but usually, at the end of it, I would find a way to make it okay. To realize something profound. And hope that in some way it would help someone else.

But lately I haven't had any of those experiences. I've been numb, going through the motions of day-to-day life and wondering why I feel the way I do. I've been lost. My feet have felt like they are stuck in muck and mire. And when I logged on the other day and saw that Willow passed away, I wanted to do nothing but cry. She was a selfless soul, constantly giving of herself, exuding nothing but hope and faith to all those who knew her and they rejoiced in her presence. I immediately logged back off and tried to desperately understand why life is so unpredictable and cruel. At times. I know that life is that way and that is when we must rely on our Lord's understanding and not our own. But it still hurt.

I am looking forward to Beanie's homecoming next week. Maybe that will help.

I've been working unstable, sometimes long, hours. To be blunt, my job sucks because it has sucked the life out of me on so many different levels. One day I love it, the next I hate it. Some days I am widely appreciated, some days I am looked at as if I am a witch. I was offered a management position and I looked at them like they were on drugs. I am being offered a couple of training courses specifically tailored for another position in the company, which would give me a pay raise, but I can't seem to give them a definitive answer. My latest evaluation was graded "exceeded expectations" so why do I feel so empty? I don't care about the money. I don't care about the title it would give me. I just want to go home and sleep before I have to turn around and do it all over again.

I'm sorry, guys. I really am. I think I am depressed. So many of you have given me goodies, written emails and showed so much love and concern toward me. I am deeply touched. I am sorry that I have been non-existent here and I MISS YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH. Before I know it, one day turns into two, two turns into four and then twenty three days later after my last post I decide to write a blog about how yucky I am. I'm sorry I don't have much good to say. I'm sorry I can't make you smile.

Please pray for me that I will snap out of this, if you can find it in your heart to do so. And while you're at it, please pray that the results of my biopsy will come back okay. I have two growths on my cervix that the doctor said are not typical and she was very concerned. That's kind of got me bugged out, too. I can honestly say that I love you all just the same, if not more. And that I miss you beyond all understanding.

And I really am very, very sorry for being away so much. With all my heart, I am very much missing you and feeling terrible for not being here for my friends.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRITTERKEEPERS 6/8/2011 2:16PM

    Michelle,
Welcome Back!! I have been concerned about your absence. Please talk to your doctor about the depression you are experiencing. As a nurse, I know you are aware how important it is to communicate this with your doctor. It might help you to know that even Moses got depressed and needed to return to the source of his strength. Our pastor wrote a song called "Feel The Fire" to help him to come out of a 9-month depression. You might be able to find it through the resource center at www.thecoolchurch.com
emoticon
Sandee

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MELAPHANTN 6/7/2011 6:20PM

    Welcome back!

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TRENTDREAMER 6/6/2011 8:34PM

    "I'm sorry, guys. I really am. I think I am depressed. So many of you have given me goodies, written emails and showed so much love and concern toward me. I am deeply touched. I am sorry that I have been non-existent here and I MISS YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH. Before I know it, one day turns into two, two turns into four and then twenty three days later after my last post I decide to write a blog about how yucky I am. I'm sorry I don't have much good to say. I'm sorry I can't make you smile. "

* I am really sorry to hear about what you're going through. I've missed you much and love you much emoticon emoticon

Your worth is not at all based on your being able to make us smile.

i dont remember u ever responding to any of my blogs when i was feeling down with, "ur not being a good friend. this blog doesn't make me smile". Why is it ok for me to have a bad day and write a not-so-positive blog, but not u?

As much of a clown as i can be sometimes, ive written some pretty serious and pretty unhappy blogs. i don't regret it or apologize for it. i find that my friends are there for me and that helps.

Please let ur friends be there for u.

"Before I know it, one day turns into two, two turns into four and then twenty three days later after my last post I decide to write a blog about how yucky I am. "
* thats common though. im just thankful u come back.

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ANNAMARIE1958 6/5/2011 12:30AM

    I will pray for you.....God be with you during this time in your life. I think we have all suffered in the past yr and opened our eyes on life ....and a second chance!

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 6/4/2011 5:04PM

    Miss you and am praying for you daily. I hope you and Breanna get to do something fun this summer. Take care of yourself.

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JOHNTJ1 6/4/2011 8:48AM

    One of the great mystics of the Catholic Church, St John of the Cross wrote two beautiful books, one titled The Dark Night of the Spirit and the other The Dark Night of the Soul. In it he talks about the exact feelings you are having, and I might add that I have from time to time, and how they are God's way of molding and forming and pulling us closer to Him. In losing ourselves and finding God we encounter darkness because our old self is gone.

You have always been a beacon to me. While I dont always comment on what you write I read you faithfully and you lift me up. you are so real and without pretension. I still have the long Spark mail you sent to me once when I was down.

God uses us Michelle as He so chooses. In order to be close to Him we often must endure that dark night of the spirit and soul. We often confuse this with depression. I'd suggest you pray for understanding and peace. BTW: I've found talking to my guardian angel a huge help.

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BKNOCK 6/3/2011 9:04PM

    Wow you have a lot of reading to do!

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THEBOOKBINDER 6/3/2011 2:05PM

    You will definitely be in my prayers.

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CALIMAN1 6/3/2011 12:05PM

    Letter to my dear Sis and Incredible Friend....

We miss you, I miss you. Not just because of the encouragement you provide or the awesome blogs that you share with us, but because of who you are. You have a lot on your plate right now with your work and your health and other things I'm sure...in times where your shoulders are slumping, it is best to let your friends help carry you, support you, and love you. So, please don't think you have to be here to be our foundation....and that you are letting us down. Be here just to be here and let us during this season of challenges be your pillars. Yes, we love you THAT much.

When I read about your feet are stuck in muck and mire, it reminded me of U2's song "40" which is based almost entirely on Psalm 40...here are a couple verses that I think will help...

"I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He brought me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song
How long to sing this song
How long...how long...how long...
How long...to sing this song

He set my feet upon a rock
And made my footsteps firm
Many will see
Many will see and fear"

Michelle, just around a corner, there is a song being prepared just for you...just for you...and no muck or mire will be able to conceal it, no storm in life will be able to stop you from singing it...You will sing, sing a new song!!!!!!!!

I am here for you, we are here for you...don't you forget that!

Signed, CaliJohn....



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NANALD 6/3/2011 11:54AM

    I'm so sorry that you are having such a rough time! I will pray for you and that you find the way to take care of yourself. You are a strong, wise lady and I am sure you will find your way back to your true self but don't be ashamed to ask for help if you need it! Trust me, we all need a helping hand from time to time. Know that there are a lot of Sparkies that care about you and are thinking about you and if there is ever anything that we can do to help we are here. In the interim, you are in my prayers. emoticon

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OLDERDANDRT 6/3/2011 11:44AM

    OH, my dear sweet friend! I am so pained that you are so depressed. AND the biopsy. I am praying for those questionable areas to be definitely, perfectly healed and normal!!!!! Worry about that is a big part of your depression, but I realize there's alot more to it. Please ask your Dr. for help with this, ok? If there is some prescription that can help you feel better, it's worth it......love you and want you to feel great! emoticon emoticon

Glad you are back!

Comment edited on: 6/3/2011 11:45:51 AM

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KAILYNSTAR 6/3/2011 11:24AM

    Oh Sweetie,

You are depressed. I have been there so many times and it is a road that I wish that no one would travel.

I prayed for you. I wish you love, life and happiness. I wish that there were no such things as sickness and death. That day will come. Just not yet.

Know that we are here for you and that we love you.

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DIETSAFARI 6/3/2011 9:31AM

    Don't worry about all the Spark Friend Admin, Sweety. We are not going anywhere. I am just glad that you are still ok, and Kicking. No sane person can be happy cheerful and jokey with a biopsy pending, be kind to Michelle.
Lovely hearing from you..
I am asking Father to keep you safe and healthy, and to really bless you. And open your eyes to see the joy of His closeness, of being in His family.
Lots of love and hugs

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CIVIAV 6/3/2011 8:10AM

    This was just about the most helpful blog Ive ever read on Spark. I too am one of those positive people and yet as I read I said to myself, well my situation would only ruin people's opinion of me. My situation is really an indication of how undisciplined and irresponsible I am. Etc.

But sharing all of us allows us to really be and will help. I know this why can't I do it? I know if I stay on Spark I will get there. I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks and it's cause I'm busy sure but also cause I'm busy with the areas I am at war with in my life!

My weight and fitness areas are great. Work is okay, if holding, but our finances are needing sorting out and it's like wearing stiletto heels with out socks. Ouch!

Thanks for putting into words what I needed to say and know that what you are challenging has made a huge difference for me!

I'm so glad you've returned. Sparking keeps me focused and my friends given me all the goods.

I hope returning provides some positive energy for you. I can feel the gladness about your return!

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STARTINGINLIMBO 6/3/2011 7:41AM

    I'll be glad to get praying on these things.

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UNSTOPPABLE_ 6/3/2011 1:26AM

    My heart hurts for you Michelle. I wish I could make it all better but I can't. All I can do is pray for you & tell that I love you girl!

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0309COOKIE 6/3/2011 1:10AM

    I will keep you in my prayers Michelle.

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FLEMIDG 6/3/2011 12:26AM

    Michelle, I have so missed your smiling face. I am so sorry to hear of all that you are going through. I have been praying for you and your family each day. I do hope your depression lifts soon. I can understand your being depressed with all you have been going through, but do talk it over with the doctor if things don't improve soon. I hate to see you hurting like that. I will be praying about your biopsy as well. You are so loved and in my heart. Take care of yourself. I am sending you lots of love and lots of hugs and prayers galore. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Darlene

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CARTOONB 6/2/2011 11:53PM

    Dang! I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time of it. I, too, wish I could come over there and make it all better. I'll send you virtual hugs and real prayers and hope you feel better soon. Hope the biopsy results come back favorable.

Take care of you and yours and see us when you can. Miss you!

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GEEMAWEST 6/2/2011 11:32PM

    Oh my dear Michelle, what can I say? I want to make everything all better for you. I want to give you a big hug and take care of you. I want you to feel joy again, to be happy. You have so much on your plate and I am so sorry that you are going through all of this.

As you know, The Good Lord doesn't give us anymore than we can handle. I know that can be very hard to believe sometimes, but in the end, at least for me, it is true.

I will pray and pray and pray for you. I will ALWAYS be here for you as will your other Sparkfriends. We all love you so much because you are so loveable. We care. Please believe that!

Stay in touch when you can.

Love and Hugs, G-Ma
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 6/2/2011 10:59PM

    Oh, Michelle, I'm so glad you are BACK!!! I can tell you are depressed, and I hope it doesn't last very long! You are so full of life and joy so much of the time, and I have so missed your blogs! But, hey! You are entitled to being uplifted by your friends, too--it's what you always do--why shouldn't you let things out and let your SparkFriends pray for and encourage you? So, I will be praying for you! Love you, my SparkFriend! emoticon emoticon

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CHERIRIDDELL 6/2/2011 10:56PM

    Michelle you certainly have been missed but we understand too .You don't have to just come on when you feel cheerful or that you can offer a lesson .Chronic illness and chronic injuries leave us vulnerable to depression but you have had so much more to deal with.Do rest assured that whenever you feel like checking into Spark your friends will be here.I don't expect you to always be any particular way.No fairweather friends are we but we will always be here for you when you feel like a smiling face or a shoulder to cry on , because we care about you!hugs,Cheri

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STARPESCADO 6/2/2011 10:01PM

    Sending you love!

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RONOSOF 6/2/2011 9:54PM

    Thinking of you. Namaste emoticon

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JRDIAMOND4 6/2/2011 9:53PM

    All I can say is.... I hear ya and I understand!!!

emoticon emoticon
Jan

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HOT4FITNESS 6/2/2011 9:26PM

    Hang in there Michelle, I remember not too long ago You were praying and helping me dig out of the mess I was in and I will never be able to thank you enough.
Prayers are coming your way!

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CHALLENGER15 6/2/2011 9:26PM

    I will be praying for you.


Since you are awaiting results of the biopsy, I am assuming you are going to be seeing your doctor. I don't know you well, but please talk to your doctor also about what you are experiencing. I think there really is a possibility that you are experiencing depression, and I know a more than just a little about that subject. If you aren't, it won't have hurt to discuss it, and if you are, then you will get help sooner.

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ELYMWX 6/2/2011 9:21PM

    Take care, Michelle.

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LMB-ESQ 6/2/2011 9:16PM

    Non-typical growths have "kind of got you bugged out?" Good grief Michelle... **sigh** ever the one for understatement, aren't you?

We all go through those periods where things look dark and bleak. You don't always have to be the one to make everybody else smile. Sometimes you can ask somebody else to make you smile! You don't always have to be happy. You're human! You're allowed to have off days, or weeks, or even 23 days. You're allowed to feel stuck, to hate your job, to be indecisive, to feel depressed. Stop apologizing. We have all been there; we all understand.

You just do whatever you have to do to take care of yourself. And we'll be here for you while you do it, just like you've always been here for us. You will get through this. Keep the faith. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BKNOCK 6/2/2011 9:15PM

    Praying for you!

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DARLENEK04 6/2/2011 9:14PM

  Well Michelle, you know you have been missed. Perhaps a counselor would
be of help. You sound like you have a serious case of depression. And don't think it cant happen to you, becuase it could. To any person with any job, how
ever ........... you have had a lot of emotional crises to deal with in the past
2-3 years, and it sounds like you are so overwhelmed. If you hate your job,
change it. Make a move...do something that will help you...work in something
you will look forward to on a daily basis.
I hope and pray your son is doing well.
Just so you know Blackbird asked me about you and said give you his best
regards and he is not on but rarely since he is working out of state.

I am always around......
Loveya,
Darlene

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SCMAMAJONES 6/2/2011 8:54PM

    Sweetie, sometimes life gets to be too much. Have you thought about talking to a counselor? Sometimes they can help you put things in perspective. You have been through a lot lately. Hang in there!!!

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KATRINAKAT23 6/2/2011 8:27PM

  You have been missed!! You must take care of yourself, spoil yourself, take bubblebaths, read a good book, whatever you used to enjoy doing.

I hope you feel better soon and please know that people care about you.



Comment edited on: 6/2/2011 8:29:04 PM

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KEKEIKO 6/2/2011 8:24PM

    My prayers are with you. Taking care of yourself is number one! I understand your absence. emoticon I know it's hard but stay strong! You will get through this. Hugs, Keke

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In My Weakness He Found His Strength

Friday, April 15, 2011

A sense of surprise and pride can erupt from volatile situations, in places and times when you least expect them. They can even make you aware of flaws that you may have in your character or the strengths in other’s characters where you did not expect to find them before. These last three years have been difficult on my husband and myself with our youngest son. As with all of our children, he was given every opportunity to explore his talents, every opportunity to shine in athletics, the freedom to express himself in thought, voice and action. Yet, where his older brother and sister and youngest sister excelled, he wrestled with peer pressure and a need to prove that he was tough and above the rules of society.

Three years is a long time to spend behind bars. Three years is a long time to watch your son struggle with the consequences of his actions and miss major holidays and funerals that have occurred during his time away. At first, he had to “prove” that prison life was not tough enough for him. He had to “prove” that he could be the biggest and baddest in a place where being the biggest and baddest bought you "esteem" and "respect." He used his artistic talent to tattoo his entire upper torso and arms with pictures; his inability to think before he spoke bought him multiple nose fractures and scars on his rugged handsome face. I can’t even begin to tell you how many nights I lied awake, staring at the ceiling, praying until I could pray no more, crying, wishing, wondering what I could have done differently to have kept this nightmare from us all. Many days I would eat myself into a sugar coma, many more days I would not eat at all.

It took a long time for me to realize that it was not ME who placed him there. It took a long time for me to “let go” and realize that his decisions were his own.

This did not keep me from worrying about the day he was set free. Will he have learned from his mistakes? Will he realize that bad behavior begets consequences? Will he be able to resist the pull from the ones who assisted, who aided him, in his self-destructive behavior from his past? Will he be strong ENOUGH? Will he have LEARNED??? That day is today. He was released at 8 a.m. this morning. My phone rang at 8:50 and I heard a jubilant “Hi, Mom, I AM FREE. I love you so much and I am on my way to see you now.” Many mixed emotions flooded my heart and soul. I cried, I laughed, I felt joy. But I was surprised at the amount of fear that filled my mind…

One of the people who was the largest influence on his actions is his soon-to-be-ex-wife. I realize that his actions were of his own doing but this person was a major factor in his decision processes. I have always tried my best to exhibit Christian-like behavior through-out the 3 a.m. drunken phone calls from her or the threats that she would hurt him again when he got out. Whether it be using my grandson against him or me, I have done my very best to place it in the hands of God. Yet, today, knowing my son was getting set free, she wasted no time calling my house, screaming into the receiver, cursing me and my son. I have always had a little bit of a temper but I was not prepared for the torrent of emotion that arose from me. Before I knew it, before I could check my words, I found myself screaming at her loudly, so forcefully, so hatefully, and it left my son standing there in a silent, wide-eyed, state of disbelief. I even scared her. She quickly gasped and hung up on me.

I was shaking. I was livid, not able to see straight. How dare she do this, how dare she try to wreck his newly-found freedom! Then I was ashamed, painfully aware that I just exhibited the same behavior that I begged my son not to resort to. Yet….

He came to me with tears in his eyes and took my hand. This boy who spent most of his adult life trying to prove that he was big and bad, tough, above all things, wrapped his callused hand around my own, his opposite arm encircled my trembling shoulders, and he quietly said, “Don’t do this, Mom. This is not you. This is not ME anymore. Her behavior is not worth this. We are better than this. We are on a new beginning here so let’s not get tripped up over someone else’s selfish delusion of life. I’m willing to act and react like I should have done a long time ago. Now, let‘s not let mere words drop us to our knees. Let‘s stand together and embrace a new life.” Then, with eyes that looked years older and wiser, even weary and a little fearful, he nodded and waited for an agreement. He made me promise to focus on the future ahead of him, to not allow the darkness from the past envelope ME anymore. Then he said this:

“God is my mentor, Mom, and where there is God, there is hope.”

As I watched him leave, excited about his new apartment and new life that he had tucked safely away two hours from here (away from the past peers, away from the reminders of his past behaviors), he waved and smiled a smile that was brighter than ANY sun I’ve witnessed. Blowing me a kiss from the car window, he shouted, “I love you Mom…promise to make you proud now!”

So, you see, even in the worst of situations, you are able to see the flaws in your own heart. But even BETTER, you are finally able to see the strengths in the hearts of other’s where they might not have been before.

Perhaps it just takes a little time for THEM to see it for themselves.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRUETOMOLLY 6/14/2011 2:54AM

    Wow so thankful for his turn around and maturity.

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HOLLIHOCK6 5/18/2011 3:41PM

    God loves him even more than you do.....and HE never fails!

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KRITTERKEEPERS 5/15/2011 9:23AM

    Your blog has me in tears! I am so happy to hear that your son developed his relationship with God while he was incarcerated. What a gift he was able to give you when you needed it the most! I would recommend getting a restraining order against his soon to be ex wife if she continues to behave in a hostile manner toward you. emoticon

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SABRAZ 5/14/2011 7:37PM

    I sat here and cried as I read this post. I have a son that has some serious drug and legal issues. I have felt all of those same things... taken calls from jail... felt guilty when I wouldn't go bail him out. Had fears that I would get a call that he was dead or had killed someone. He is in a year long treatment center now and like your son, seems to be doing well. I also have had the doubts and then the guilt that comes from doubting. I am so glad that your son was able to see the effect that his actions had on you, even if it was only once. I am also glad that he was in a place to give you the response that he did. I am going to add you to my friends list and if you ever need someone to talk to that understands (do an extent) feel free to send me a message.

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MUSIC66 5/11/2011 1:31AM

    that good he has moved away from his past peers the lord is on his side.

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BEACHGIRL76 4/27/2011 3:37PM

    What a wonderful story! Thanks for sharing:)

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BKNOCK 4/25/2011 9:46PM

    I love your blogs! What a wonderful gift you have writing from your heart and soul!

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JACARRENO 4/21/2011 4:10PM

    Oh my goodness! I had no idea what a roller coaster these past few years were for you. My heart goes out to you!

You are truly a wonderful example of a Christian woman who others can learn from. I don't know if I would have been able to bite my tongue as you did all that time. Please, don't think another thought about blowing up at her. While we are to act like Jesus, even He experienced anger and sometimes there is a reason we let it out and He forgives us for doing so.

Your son will be in my prayers as are you and the rest of your family. They are truly blessed to have you as their wife and mom!!

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REJOHNSON3 4/21/2011 11:26AM

    STEELKICKEN, All I could think and say was "WOW", my heart goes out to you and if I could, I would give you a big hug. Words cannot express how we feel for this type of situation and may the journey ahead continue to be more positive. You are simply the greatest! And passionately expressive as I may have said before. Don't change a thing.

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RAYLINSTEPHENS 4/21/2011 11:07AM

    Prayer works wonders - I have said a prayer for your son and your family - it's a tough road ahead but with The Lord, All things are possible.

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ONEREALLYBIGDOG 4/21/2011 11:01AM

    Sorry that I'm so late to the party

Sounds like a new chapter is definitely gonna be a GREAT chapter and very worth the read!

Good luck and I'm sure ya'll do wonderful

Sounds like he has a good philosophy on how to handle things

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DIETSAFARI 4/19/2011 11:58AM

    Be proud, Friend, your son is awesome and he is in the Lord. May he, and you, be truly blessed.

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JILLWILSON2102 4/18/2011 8:44AM

    So many hugs for you and your son. Well done! emoticon

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SCMAMAJONES 4/17/2011 9:37PM

    I'm hoping your family can heal after all of this. God's love will pull you through.

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STARPESCADO 4/16/2011 12:42PM

    Your Son has the right attitude. Removing himself from past influences is probably the best thing someone can do in that situation. Not everyone is smart enough to do that.

You and him are in my prayers and I wish him nothing but the best!

Hugs!

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 4/16/2011 12:38PM

    I am so excited for your son. I hope he finds the peaceful, successful life he (and you) dreams of.

Don't all Momma Bears attack when you mess with their babies? I know that I do, and they're not even mine. I too am learning these lessons as God moves and works in my life.

I am praying for you and your family.

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DREMARGRL 4/16/2011 6:37AM

    Through my tears....I empathize with both of you. May you all find the strength and fortitude it will take to take a new path and form new, stronger bonds. They never are too old to need a mother's understanding....her touch. He's lucky to have you still standing. Good luck and God bless.
XO MaryAnn emoticon

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USFBULL 4/16/2011 1:44AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WOLFKITTY 4/16/2011 1:41AM

    He's always had that you've believed in him. And that is powerful.
All the best!
Jocelyn

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ELYMWX 4/16/2011 12:59AM

    I'm glad to hear that a new chapter is opening. I hope it's a good one!

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CARTOONB 4/15/2011 11:31PM

    I am so glad to hear that he is free and that he is truly free from his past. May he stay that way!

You? A temper? Who'd a thunk it? emoticon

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KAILYNSTAR 4/15/2011 10:21PM

    Yes...Where there is God, there is hope.
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LDY_ALI_79 4/15/2011 9:37PM

    emoticonIsn't God good? emoticon to a nw beginning for your son!

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STARTINGINLIMBO 4/15/2011 9:14PM

    How wonderful to have him say all he said. Wow
You're human -been there yelling like that once before too. Scared me. Hubby believed it was menopause talking -all I know is I've prayed lots about it since, and it hasn't happened again.
Thanks for sharing with us!

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SHERLYN-WILL 4/15/2011 8:19PM

    You know I am so thankful you reacted that way for what you saw afterwards was so precious and like a jewel!! Your son might not have shared his wonderful insight and beautiful words with you had you not acted out!

My heart just feels like it could explode through my chest as I read the words he said!

Aww... the tears are right at the edge ready to fall.. because as I mom.. I feel so close to you!

Gorgeous and handsome that boy of yours.. and leaning on God which is as it should be! PRAISE GOD!

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MOMFAN 4/15/2011 7:47PM

    What an awesome God we serve! Rejoicing with you. What wise words from your son. We too often fall short when our emotions are not under the control of the spirit.

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CHERIRIDDELL 4/15/2011 7:29PM

    My dear friend your son is a wise young man, when my Father got out of the military he went on to be the chief keeper in her majesty's prisons a maximum security one at that and he used to say that the ones who moved away from the bad influences were the wise ones who had a chance of success and if they embraced God their chances of success were much higher.It was fear that made you react as you did you feared that young woman would drag your son back down to her level but she won't because he is a stronger wiser man.We all fail to be our highest selves occasionally but 99% of the time you are not weak your are strong so cut yourself a little slack,you were a tigress protecting your young ! Your son knows you for the special angel you are and sees the good in your heart , just like we your friends do! love and hugs,Cheri

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WKLYTTON 4/15/2011 6:30PM

    brought happy tears to my eyes! God bless you and your family !

Big hugs !!

Ps. You don't look old enough to have grandkids ! ! ! Seriously, you are a beautiful woman, inside and out. This is a very moving and wonderful post. Best wishes to you all.

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MISS_VIV 4/15/2011 6:17PM

    Seems like a lifetime, the last three years. Take care. Stay strong.
Keep yourself safe.

Much love
Vivian

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DARLENEK04 4/15/2011 6:07PM

  What a good looking young man. Be proud of him and the progress he
has made, Punkin. It is an older-wiser man, he has moved 2 hours away
from those influences, so that was a good decision.

Perhaps you losing your cool, babygirl, in this situation, was a good thiing,
as it obviously shocked the underwear off of her....so maybe she will leave
you all alone.

Personally speaking, if your son gets everything together, and that child is
his, and she is drinking like this, the boy would be better off away from her.
Pick yourself up, ask for forgiveness which I am sure you have done, and
move on ...........
Take care of yourself....

Hugs,
YOM>Darlene

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CIVIAV 4/15/2011 5:54PM

    What a handsome man and I can see that it so inside and out. Character wins out. I wish you all the best!

What you shared with us makes a difference to where we all struggle. Bless you for your generosity and strength!

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CALIMAN1 4/15/2011 5:44PM

    "Where there is God, there is hope." Beautifully stated. Enjoy time with your son again. Forgiveness is an incredible gift...so are second chances.....looks like your son has embraced them both.... emoticon

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PJSTIME 4/15/2011 5:23PM

    It sounds like you are both on a new and better path. Don't lose faith and hope.

And thanks for sharing such an emotional day with us. Hugs and prayers are being said and I hope in some small way comforting to you and your family.



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OLDERDANDRT 4/15/2011 5:19PM

    emoticon God bless you all, my dear friend. God's peace, mercy and protection be yours forever. emoticon

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BOXERSOFTIE 4/15/2011 5:07PM

  God bless you both. We also had a son who made some very bad choices and we lived for a long time wondering if the next phone call would be the one to tell us he was dead. We too, had to leave him in God's hands and believe that God loved him as much as we did. I found a book called "Praying God's Will for your Son" very comforting. Our son is now healthy, a Christian and a productive member of society. Don't every give up. Thanks for your moving story. emoticon

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MOTOGIRL2 4/15/2011 4:56PM

    This brought tears to my eyes! You are both better and stronger!

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LMB-ESQ 4/15/2011 4:53PM

    Ohh..... emoticon

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