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Imagine THAT!

Sunday, January 09, 2011

I usually don't watch a lot of television. I average around three hours tops A WEEK and even then I'm busy getting into other things and miss half of the show. I have found that when I sit and watch the boob tube, I eat. A lethal combination for someone of my height and build. I'm the type of person, if I look at something, it's hanging off of my hips the next day.

Lately I've been using some visualization techniques that a SparkFriend told me about. She said that when there is something REALLY tempting me to visualize eating it in my mind, envision feeling the textures and the tastes in my mouth. Enjoy it, savor it, then tell my myself that I am full and I am finished. At first I thought, "Okay, this is a little WEIRD..." but it was working for me! Plus, when I want something really sinful, I will visualize myself in a little pink bikini or hiking up a mountain, not getting winded. I thought that I had found something that clicked with my warped little mind and I was becoming quite the master of my temptations until....

During the play-offs today, one of those nasty little restaurant commercials popped up. There, before me, was a beautiful chicken wrap. Ohhh, I could sooo go for that. But NO! I was going to envision myself in my bikini. Closing my eyes, I saw myself sitting on the beach in the Bahamas, not a sag or muffin top in sight. Then something odd happened. Suddenly the chicken wrap was in a bikini. Not good. Opening my eyes, clearing my head, I tried again. Bikini chicken wrap! WTH!??

Feeling quite disturbed, I flipped through the channels and watched some guy shake a "Shake Weight" for about sixty seconds, then flipped it back onto the game. All was well for about fifteen minutes then Dairy Queen decided to rear its ugly head. Again, closing my eyes, I envisioned a snow-capped mountain in the distance and the act of lacing up my hiking boots. Looking up, in my mind, I saw the mountain, snow tops glistening in the sunny sky...with a cherry on top.

Another thing, what is it with some guys, like guys named Brian, who insist on putting pizza on a plate and setting it in front of me?

"Aw, c'MON, honey, one piece won't hurt you!"
"There's four pieces on it."
"Just eat one."
"Just go away."
"Just eat it!"
"Just BITE ME!"

It didn't stop there. After my failed visualization techniques and the pizza fiasco, I heard Mr. Slim-n-Trim rummaging through the freezer.

"What are you doing?"
"Butter Pecan?? Ice cream??"
"Lower drawer."

Two minutes later he sat a bowl of it in front of me.

I don't know what was going through his mind for doing that but I know what was going through mine. I was in a bikini, on top of a snow-capped mountain, strangling him.

But I'm proud. I didn't buckle and go to town for a chicken wrap. I didn't eat the pizza OR the ice cream. I sit here, Queen of my WillPower Domain and, most importantly, Brian is still alive and breathing.

I call that a good day.


(Photo courtesy of THEMIGHTYLEX!)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREGGWEISBROD 11/28/2013 7:41AM

    That's the sexiest looking chicken wrap I've ever seen. :-)

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ODIROM 1/12/2011 9:38AM

    Funny, but when I am going to do something horrible in the eating department, I close my eyes and envision you in a bikini too!!! (because a smoking hottie would not want to speak with me at my current weight...so I need to slim down to hang with the bikini clad cuties at the beach!)

Yay for not strangling Brian...and yay for the self control!

Have a good day, and I can't wait for Sat!!!

O

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WOLFKITTY 1/12/2011 1:55AM

    Ooh.

I have no idea why guys will sometimes do the "big temptation" thing.. Even my friend's husband the other day offered me pizza A DOZEN TIMES when I was over there to play Just Dance 2 and exercise with her. It's so weird.

Good for you for sticking to your choices, even if your mnd was playing funny little tricks on you! :D

Jocelyn

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STARTINGINLIMBO 1/11/2011 12:41PM

    Cool:)

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 1/11/2011 9:27AM

    Man oh man! Brian likes to live dangerously.

I'm glad you resisted. It can be tough but you were tougher! Great job!

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GRACEFULIFE 1/10/2011 10:01PM

    And NEVER MIND what the SHAKE WEIGHT may make you visualize! emoticon

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LASVEGASLES 1/10/2011 9:43PM

    Nice blog! The next time I need to step away from the caramel corn, I will envision something....just anything to not want to eat another piece of popcorn!

Darn those doctors at the office that sent all the paralegals big ol tins of different kinds of popcorn!! Yes, I said doctors....nice of them, huh?

Willpower is a learned thing...I keep telling myself this on the daily!

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NANALD 1/10/2011 9:20PM

    Way to go! I don't know if I am more impressed with the fact that you didn't cave in and eat the junk or that you didn't strangle the life our of your hubby! Thanks for another fun blog!

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VRADAA 1/10/2011 7:10PM

    You are AWESOME Lady!!

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FLYER99 1/10/2011 5:35PM

    Your blogs are awesome. I just stumbled upon them through a friend. I am going to have to try that "imagine" thing and visualize eating my next piece of pizza. Good Job! Laughter is the best medicine they say. Haha!
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OLDERDANDRT 1/10/2011 5:29PM

    OMG, girl!!! You are the MOST emoticon I am soooo proud of you!!! My ever-lovin' man does that stuff to me, sometimes, too. God only knows what goes through their pea brains, sometimes!! Now, if your DH was fat, you could say misery loves company, but I know that's not the case......it is in my house. Sad to say his physical fitness stint didn't last too awful long and now he looks almost like before he started and he doesn't really seem to care! Oh, well. I love him, but I can't make him do what he doesn't want to do, but he's not dragging me to the fat life with him!! You are so good and can't say it enough how proud I am of you for sticking to your guns!!!!! You go girl!!! You inspire me. Gonna go make me a salad!!!!

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KATVHALE 1/10/2011 4:36PM

    I am fortunate in a way that I don't have to worry about my DH tempting me because he is a diabetic! I hate that he has that disease but to my advantage we don't have anything unhealthy in the house for me to get into trouble!

I am always looking for diabetic desserts, however, that he can eat on occasion and I have found some really good ones right here on SP.

That visualization thingee doesn't work for me because I can see me in a bikini in my current body and that is not a good thing for anyone to see, not even me!

Kat

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AZCUPCAKE 1/10/2011 3:55PM

    Once again, every time I read a blog of yours, the world is a brighter place. I miss you, Michelle! I have been sidelined by some serious health problems my dad is having, and my parents live down in Tucson, so I have been DRIVING quite a bit. I haven't had the "umph" to get on Spark much, even though I really am trying not to jump off the healthy eating wagon. I can't say I have made much progress, but then, I haven't lost my mind yet either, and if you ask my husband Philip, that is HUGE in and of itself!
I think of you more than you can possibly know; I look forward to seeing you this summer, Girlfriend! I sure hope you and Brian are still planning on making tracks to the southwest to see those beautiful grandbabies of yours! Love you lots!
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DARLENEK04 1/10/2011 2:21PM

  Congrats on not strangling Brian. Sorry, David does me the same
way. As soon as my jeans begin to look the slightest bit looser, he
decides he cannot live one omore day on the diet without a big bowl of
icecreamwithchocolatesyrupandwh
ippedcream. We came back from
my sons in June and I actually lost almost 7 pounds on the trip....guess
where he just could not live without eating dinner???? Yep, a fish and
chips joint that I shall not name so i dont get sued. He does it every time.
I am not showing him anymore weight losses where I write them down on
my dresser, I will put them in a notebook. Maybe I can lose a few w/o him
noticing.........

Sig
ned,
Someone who is disappointed in their???????? support???????system.

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CALIMAN1 1/10/2011 1:45PM

    Hmmm, I tried that visualization thing, too....all I can say is...I don't look so good in a pink bikini.

But, seriously, wtg on not strangling Brian and not giving in to the mounds of food stuff.....

Well done...Gerard would be proud!

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CBAILEYC 1/10/2011 1:37PM

    I visualized your visualization. I laughed out loud. People here at work looked at me. It was completely worth it!

Very good day indeed!
emoticon
C~

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BKNOCK 1/10/2011 12:38PM

    LOL, you crack me up! Thanks, I needed a laugh today!

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LIZZYP609 1/10/2011 11:27AM

    Oh how easily they forget! I call my husband the DEVIL! GET BEHIND ME DEVIL!!!

One breath they are saying...."oh I am so proud of you for doing such a good job at taking care of yourself" then the next thing you know they handing you dark chocolate...a whole BAG of them! (ummmm Dove Dark Chocolate....)

Great job on the self control Michelle! You are my hero! :-)

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SKILL133 1/10/2011 10:37AM

    HAHAHHAAH good stuff and good job on the will power. Wish I could say the same, but I fell for the Hooters Wings commercial. Can you blame me? LOL

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KEKEIKO 1/10/2011 10:18AM

    Uh huh ... had a good day! Yep! But you took my great response ... just had to throw in the DQ didn't you! emoticon

How about ... Keep a bottle of whipped cream in the refrigerator (well maybe you already do, I dunno emoticon) and every time Mr. Skinny offers you something unhealthy pull out your bottle, shake well [the bottle, not you, tee he he) and cover it in whipped cream. Now c'mon you're not going to want to eat whipped cream all the time, right emoticon

Or maybe you do emoticon

Congrats on being strong! emoticon

You won this round! emoticon emoticon

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KAILYNSTAR 1/10/2011 9:33AM

    Ooh, nothing worse than having a man sit beside you with ice cream!

That happened to me two nights ago. I was not impressed yet, I managed to ignore him. The sad thing is is that he offered to get a bowl of ice cream for me too. I mean, he is always offering and I have to decline all of the time.

I know that I am awful for eating in front of the t.v. I have cut down lots though I am proud to say! I realized that I was teaching my kids that you have to eat when watching, and that is so not true.

Good for you for not relenting to your urges. You are the master.


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JOHNTJ1 1/10/2011 8:29AM

    Definitely a win-win, LOL, especially for Brian.

Our minds are the most powerful tool we posses. When we can channel that knowledge to help us it's absolutely amazing, isnt it?

Love Ya

John

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JILLWILSON2102 1/10/2011 7:43AM

    Well thank goodness on all counts, but seriously I would have canned Brian big time! emoticon

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EAGLE101 1/10/2011 7:31AM

    Great symbolism. Heck of a story/blog.

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1NICUBABE 1/10/2011 7:28AM

    That is a spectacular day! I unfortunately caved to the wings that Barry wanted for dinner. I really think that what with the obesity epidemic of this country that the FCC should outlaw food commercials past noon!

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FLEMIDG 1/9/2011 11:42PM

    Wonderful blog, Michelle. Good for you for passing up on all those calories. You have great will power. Boy, Brian sure is lucky to be alive, isn't he (lol). You are doing great. Don't give up. The visualization technique sounds interesting. Maybe I'll give it a try.

Talk to you soon

Darlene

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SUGARBABY60 1/9/2011 11:22PM

    Good for you and by the look of the comments here I think we better start thinking about starting a BUTTER PECAN Spark TEAM (my very favorite ice cream by the way) No , I guess we should all just learn a little good visualization!

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THEMIGHTYLEX 1/9/2011 11:17PM

    Good job keeping the willpower burning. I've been going strong by imagining that anything bad for my waistline will make me sick. When a friend dropped off a bunch of chocolate treats, I pictured them making me nauseous. Soon the sight of wicked foods will turn my stomach.

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ELYMWX 1/9/2011 10:57PM

    I'm just surprised that you didn't end up visualizing a DQ banana split that had been made in a bikini.

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BLAKBIRD 1/9/2011 10:55PM

    Butter Pecan, wow you really do have some amazing will power. emoticon

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DREMARGRL 1/9/2011 10:52PM

    Ahhh....the good ole football munchies......DANGEROUS for sure!
Enjoyed your blog. Oh...I also use visual stimulation. Had a closed MRI last week and had to be in there for 45 minutes. I definitely use it in uncomfortable situations and have for many years.....It's an extremely valuable tool! Glad you've got it down, too. LIVE STRONG AND HAVE A NICE, NEW WEEK!
XO MaryAnn (visualizing me...in that bikini....soaking up the sun in Bermuda! Yeh! emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/9/2011 10:53:36 PM

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USFBULL 1/9/2011 10:31PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ONEREALLYBIGDOG 1/9/2011 10:29PM

    OMG
it works

I sat here and closed my eyes,
and what did I see?

I envisioned you watching the Chiefs lose to the Ravens who will whoop up on the Steelers and while you were watching that, you were a succulent chicken breast wrapped in a flour tortilla with Butter Pecan Ice Cream melting all over your breasthen I woke up and ...


ROTFL

Sure which I had some of that butter pecan ice cream though!

Thanks for inSPiring me to use that visualization technique

I'll have to keep it in my arsenal of FUN stuff to do.

Have a Wonderful Week and keep on imagining that!

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JUNEBUG150 1/9/2011 10:27PM

    Good for you! I'm proud of you. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHERIRIDDELL 1/9/2011 10:00PM

    LOL Like you I don't watch alot of tv mostly because I am tempted to snack while Ido.I have found a solution though I do my exercises while I watch !I have a husband who eats like Brian but since he is in Afghanistan for another 6 months he is not tempting me now!

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GEEMAWEST 1/9/2011 9:54PM

    My DH does exactly the same thing. "One piece won't hurt" , very frustrating. I also love butter pecan ice cream, good thing I don't feel good or I might be tempted.

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 1/9/2011 9:54PM

    Oh, what a great way to finish my day.... to read your blog!!! Thank you! I smiled and chuckled, and I loved it... as I ate my rice cake instead of ice cream!

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CARTOONB 1/9/2011 9:50PM

    Brian is alive?!? That is a GREAT day! Congratulations on that...and not caving. Football is dangerous! I've wanted nachos and chips and dip and pizza and wings and fried chicken and...you get the idea...all day!!!

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Shine On, Patti.

Friday, January 07, 2011

(This is my fifth blog which details an individual who touched my life....)

Patti loved to have her nails manicured. They were her pride and joy; long, exact, buffed to perfection. Sometimes she would have them painted scarlet red, but most times you would find them in baby pink with a touch of white at the tips. We often talked about her long beautiful fingers and I agreed that she could most definitely be a hand model for an upscale fashion magazine. She would smile a schoolgirl smile and hold her head a little higher when I spoke of this, so I said it to her quite often.

Patti also loved blouses in bright loud colors. You could see her coming a mile away, rolling her wheelchair down the long narrow corridor. Usually with some tidbit of gossip that she wanted to share with me, perhaps to tell me that Mr. Morrow had tried to climb into bed with her again; she would make a beeline to my nursing station to fill me in on each “juicy” detail. She would have ran if she could…her excitement usually bubbled over before she made it to my desk…but both of her legs were amputated just below the knee. They had been gone for 10+ years. Long black hair curled away naturally from her seamless face, make-up dead-on, and a push-up bra; that was Patti, who believed if one had it, one should flaunt it. She often told me the necklines to my scrubs were too high. She also gave me advice on how to wear false eyelashes that I wear to this day. I loved the day she applied my eye shadow and beamed with pride at the purple glittery landscape she created below my brows. I don’t know who got the biggest kick out of it; me, Patti or my co-workers who threatened to “pimp” me out.

Little did I know that this fashion-conscious diva was going to blow everything I had believed in out of the water when I answered her blinking call light one day. I was surprised to find her still lying in bed, hair a mess, face naked from foundation and her smile gone. I felt my heart lurch in my chest, remembering that the departing nurse had not mentioned anything wrong with her. Pushing aside my frustration at the lack of communication, I went to her side and asked her what was wrong. Looking up at me, she said these words:

“I never married. I never had children. When I am gone, what is going to be left of me? A couple of wheelchairs and two prosthetics that I never wore? The things in this little cubicle of a room are what I have in this entire world. My parents are gone, my sister is gone. This is IT. Why was I given this cross to bear?” Pulling her beautiful perfect hand to my chest, I tightly held it to my racing heart. I allowed her to speak freely, to shed her tears, to unburden her heavy heart. She needed to do that. I refrained from the usual, “It’s going to be alright.” because it wasn’t. Not for Patti. She knew this, I knew this and she needed to voice her soul. Finally, spent from emotion, she looked at me with tear-stained cheeks and made me promise to live my life with pride and ambition. She made me promise to never take anything for granted and to be grateful for the blessings that I have in my life. But the thing that stuck out the most was to love, dance, laugh all of the days of my life and if I could, to please do it for her sometimes.

It wasn’t long before Patti was back at it again and a few times I caught her goosing Mr. Morrow in the butt as he passed by. I would catch her sitting across the hall from Mamie talking about hiding the pudding in the flower pots in the lobby and cornering the night shift RN because he was so "hot." She started to deteriorate a few months later and wasn’t long before she could not find the strength to get out of bed. With a heavy heart, I would still do her nails. The best that I could do. Mr. Morrow came to sit with her quite often and I would find him in the middle of the night tenderly caressing the hair from her face. On my round one evening, I found him lying in the bed beside her. Although it was against company policy, I gently shut the door and pretended that I did not see. I instructed the nurse’s aides to pretend that they did not see either.

When Patti passed, I went to Mr. Morrow’s room where he sat in silence. I did not go to his room often as he was not a patient of mine. But there I found the pictures of Patti, tacked on his corkboard, pictures that she had in her room at one time or another. There were pictures of her throwing her head back as she “danced” with the Elvis impersonator at a community party. I cried when my eyes caught the one of her in the thick of things at the “slumber party” taken a year before. She was waving her blush brush and smiling with lips of scarlet red to match her nails, about to tackle a lady who looked as if she had been ambushed and kidnapped by Patti herself. The truth be known, she most likely had been.

“She was a beautiful woman, you know that?”
“Yes, Mr. Morrow, I know.”

Patti, your legacy lived on. You DID touch lives. I often find myself thinking of you, especially when I think I can’t put one foot in front of the other. So, I do it anyways, just so you will know that I heard you that day, just so I know that I heard you and that your words were not in vain. No more excuses. No excuses for me.

No more excuses for YOU guys either. Get UP. Love, dance and laugh all the days of your life from this day on.

Don't take your ability to do so for granted one more day.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LASVEGASLES 1/10/2011 11:52PM

    WoW....

That should have started with some kind of warning that tissues would be needed!!

That was beautifully written and Patti would have loved the way you endeared her to us!

WoW....

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AZCUPCAKE 1/10/2011 3:59PM

    Patti would be so proud of you. I do believe she is one of your guardian angels these days! Thank you for sharing this lovely woman with all of us. emoticon emoticon

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SUGARBABY60 1/9/2011 11:34PM

    every time I read one of your blogs I cry ....either from Joy and silliness or from ,well you know.......thank you for bringing my emotions to the surface and thank you for being ...YOU

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WHEEZELO 1/8/2011 10:44PM

    Thanks so much for sharing.

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HEART_N_GRACE 1/8/2011 5:12PM

    Beautiful story, thanks for sharing! Your blog title in a friends feed caught my attention for obvious reasons... thanks for the reminder of how others have impacted our lives, if we just stop to appreciate the journey.

~ Patti - a younger and probably not nearly as fiesty one!

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BLAKBIRD 1/8/2011 3:46PM

    emoticon

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KATVHALE 1/8/2011 3:35PM

    You are so blessed to have met and known so many "Pattis" in your life. God put them all there to help you get through your life with love, laughter, compassion and sharing.

Now go out and dance with Brian!

Kat


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JILLWILSON2102 1/8/2011 9:32AM

    emoticon emoticon Michelle you have been blessed to have encountered many remarkable people. Thank you for sharing this story!

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CHERIRIDDELL 1/8/2011 1:50AM

    Patti was lucky to have had you in her life .You bring a bit of joy to every life you touch.Thank you Michelle we are better for having you in our lives. hugs,Cheri

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FLEMIDG 1/8/2011 12:02AM

    Another beautiful story, Michelle. I love the way you write. You always make the story come alive. I am so glad you were there for Patti so that she could have someone to talk to. You are such a compasionate and loving person. Thanks for that awesome message. We do take too many things in our life for granted. I will be reminded of this each time I start to feel sorry for myself.

Thanks again for being such a beautiful, loving and caring person.

Love you. God bless you.



emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RACINGSLUG 1/7/2011 11:51PM

    That was beautiful, and so are you.

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CARTOONB 1/7/2011 10:43PM

    I KNEW you were going to make me cry and I read this anyway. Darn you! Well written and great message. Gotta go dance now.

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DARLENEK04 1/7/2011 7:34PM

  You have such a caring heart Michelle...
Thanks for sharing the story of Patti...

Hugs,
Darlene

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HDHAWK 1/7/2011 7:07PM

    Patti would be proud. She has touched many lives through your stories. emoticon

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DOGMOMMA2THREE 1/7/2011 6:14PM

    Wow! What a powerful story and to think I just stumbled across it. I'm going to check out your other blogs because you write with such conviction, it is like having a story teller talking away to me!

Susan

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KAILYNSTAR 1/7/2011 6:02PM

    Living, dancing and loving!!!! emoticon emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 1/7/2011 5:51PM

    Michelle, you always leave me full! Full of the joy of knowing that there are people like YOU in the world who really and truly CARE! Thank you for seeing the special things in people that so often get overlooked! Oh, you are dear to my heart and I look forward to these blogs! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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STIPER23 1/7/2011 5:39PM

    Thank you for another touching story. Patti was right, don't take life for granted. I needed that reminder.

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ONEREALLYBIGDOG 1/7/2011 5:18PM

    Yet another wonderful story from you, Michelle!

I'm getting smarter or wiser, yea, that't it

I was always Bud Wiser

I grabbed my tissues PRIOR to reading

Keep up your great work

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MINENA1 1/7/2011 3:56PM

    Wow! What a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing this.

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JOHNTJ1 1/7/2011 3:48PM

    What touches me about this blog and your others is the genuine caring and sensitivity you show towards the people in your life. I am grateful you have touched my life.

Much Love

John

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GEEMAWEST 1/7/2011 3:44PM

    Another beautiful story. Thanks, Michelle.

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LADYVIDORA 1/7/2011 3:34PM

    beautiful story.

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KAYDE53 1/7/2011 3:31PM

    Touching story, thanks for sharing her with us!!! emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 1/7/2011 3:09PM

    Thanks so much for sharing this story. As someone who also works with the frail older population I know how much they can touch our lives. Your story brought tears to my eyes.

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KRITTERKEEPERS 1/7/2011 2:41PM

    I can feel the love you have for your patients. They were blessed to have you for their nurse. Thank you for bringing me to tears today!
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TXDREAMSPINNER 1/7/2011 2:03PM

    She sounds like an amazing woman. You were lucky to have her in your life and it sounds like she was lucky to have you in her's. Thank you for sharing this.

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OLDERDANDRT 1/7/2011 1:51PM

    emoticon emoticonWhat an inspiration! This is in her honor: emoticon

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MIYASEDAI 1/7/2011 1:39PM

    You have a true talent for writing. If you don't already write professionally... look into do it. You have a gift. Thank you for sharing your gift with us today (both the message and how it was delivered.) I'm weaping with a smile. *hugs*

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BKNOCK 1/7/2011 1:10PM

    Wow, what a beautiful blog! Nothing like sitting at work crying!

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SWEETNEENI 1/7/2011 12:45PM

    Just beautiful. emoticon

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Day One...One More Time

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

I was going through my house the other day looking for things that my daughter might have forgotten to pack for the trip back to campus last Saturday. In some small part of my mind, I figured, if it was important enough, I could take it to her this weekend; it would be an awesome excuse to get back up there to see how she is doing. So far, I've only ran across a comb and a pair of socks. Of all the wonderful things I can say about my daughter, I can now also add "thorough." I'm not going to lie and say that this transition has been easy. I've even done a few things I shouldn't have, like raid the refrigerator, curse out the treadmill and text her nonstop, but I'm getting better. Slowly. I think.

It didn't help matters when she called me at midnight the other night and said that her laptop quit working. I was trying to calm her down and guide her through some various exercises that might help it spring back to life. (Yes, Barb and G-ma, ME!) "Nothing!" she would say, getting increasingly agitated and worried. It was comforting for me to comfort her. I felt like me again, taking care of my baby girl. About 2 a.m., when the problem was still not resolved she said, "It's okay, Mom. I'm going to bed but we can work on it tomorrow." I asked her, "Do you want me to come up and look at it for myself??" Yawning, she replied, "No, my friend James is going to come by. But if he can't fix it, you can come up." Crossing my fingers, I went to bed with a smile on my face. It sounds twisted, but, hey, I was looking forward to seeing her.

The next day she texted one word. "Success!"

Apparently, James is quite the computer whiz. (The little snipe.) I texted her back and said, "Do you still want me to come up just to make sure??" Her reply, "Nope, it's okay. We got it. But thanks!"

You would think that by now my apron strings would be a little shorter. Or that I would be out doing what I wanted to do instead of hanging on every little word my daughter had to say. Brian asked me the other day why I don't "dote" on the other kids like I do Beanie and I said that Beanie is my baby. She is a mini-me. He said, "Well, don't be so sure. Apparently she's moving on. You aren't."

Ouch.

Okay, so maybe I AM a little annoyed at the thought that she is finding ways to be her own person. Wow...that's coming across as really selfish, isn't it? You know what? It is what it is. I admit it. I AM being selfish. I've taught my daughter from day one to be self-sufficient, to make decisions and be her own girl. Now that she's doing that, I feel lost. Plain and simple. Ohhh, don't get me wrong. You ALL know how proud I am of that young woman. You have read my blogs, seen my pictures of her, you KNOW that I am on cloud nine with this girl. I don't have a beef with her, ya know. I have it with ME.

Sooooo....since I'm not going up to see her this weekend, I'm going to take the first step to reclaiming MY life. Let's call it a little knock in the head with the Reality Hammer. It's not just the fact that I am not a full-time mom now that's bothering me. It's the fact that I have put limits on myself in so many other ways. It's the fact that I have allowed other things to dominate my thinking that have caused me to doubt who I am. It's even changed the way I do things. I have allowed the past, my grief in other areas, to dictate my heart, my head. It's time to start finding out who I am. Deep down. Believe me, there's a lot of muck and mire to sort through, so it's not going to happen overnight. I know there is a lot of CRUD to purge through so, frankly guys, it's now or never.

I do know one thing...God is beside me. Plus, I have some of the most incredible friends beside me, too. At least I'm not doing it alone. It's time to stand up and be held accountable, for myself.

You guys with me?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AZCUPCAKE 1/10/2011 4:03PM

    I am taking notes from you on how you love Beanie from afar....you make it look easy, but in fact I know it is hard. My turn comes in less than a year, and I will need to look back at all of your blogs about not being too much of a helicopter-mom (hovering-hovering!!!), and still being there at the drop of a hat if need be. You really know how to strike a healthy balance! emoticon

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SDPARTON 1/6/2011 11:06PM

    Your an awesome MOM! I am sure Beanie knows how lucky, blessed, she is to have such a wonderful mother! I know how you feel, my son will be 21 in April. I am so very proud of him, the man he has turned out to be! He works full time (12 hours a day) and goes to college full time! Sometimes.....I just want to have my child back, to change the way his life turned out, because of my husband and I! He had to become a father to his three younger siblings in 8th grade, because of his father's addiction to pain medication. He lost his childhood over a little pill. He tries so very hard! His grade point average this semester was a 3.6! I am so very proud of him!
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Stacy

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KATVHALE 1/6/2011 12:53PM

    Why don't you purchase a webcam for Beanie and yourself and then get a skype account and you can see each other when you talk? You both might have cameras already in your 'puters, I don't know... We just got a webcam so Norm can visit with his daughter and Grandson. (You do understand what I am talking about right? emoticon )

We all have to adjust to the empty nest syndrome sooner or later and just pray that we brought our children up to know and love the Lord and be able to function responsibly in the real world! Beanie will do just fine but sounds like we all need to pray really hard for you! emoticon

I love ya!

Kat

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RACINGSLUG 1/6/2011 10:20AM

    You have given your daughter such a tremendous gift to love and support her the way you do. I love my Mom so much but our relationship is at times incredibly painful because of her mental illness. I definitely did not have that connection with her when I was in college so I recognize how valuable it is that you two can be so close during such a difficult transition period.

I can't imagine what it must be like to have to let go (literally cannot imagine - no children yet) but if your girl is as extraordinary as you say, then you know she's going to be just fine. You've spent a huge chunk of your life taking care of someone else, and now is your chance to focus on what YOU want and who YOU are. I think you will find that your relationship with your daughter will change as mine did with my mother when I began to become my own person. That transition might be rough, but you will find a kind of liberation there, because you will start meeting her as an equal, as a friend, instead of constantly needing to sublimate your own needs to serve hers. From now on, she's the one who meets her own needs, and this opens up so many exciting possibilities for your new relationship. I think you are on the right track getting back to yourself, I think ultimately that will be the best thing you can do for both of you.

Comment edited on: 1/6/2011 10:22:32 AM

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JOHNTJ1 1/6/2011 9:16AM

    My baby is going to 24 in March. I still call him three or four times a week just to see "what's up." I text him also. It's hard to move on and to realize that somewhere in the dim and distant past that you actually had a life and it didnt include those wonderful people God entrusted you with to raise.

A good priest friend gave me a tip that's served me well. Each night, before I go to sleep, I pray for each of my kids and end with this request to God, the ultimate father, "And, hey, God, take care of them, okay? They're your kids too ya know?"

Love Ya

John

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JUNIAATROME 1/6/2011 1:48AM

    I'd add something - but it's all been said including: Did you really mean to go up there and 'fix' that girl's computer?! emoticon

However, I am trying to find reasons why it should be our budget's priority for me to fly to Ireland these days. We didn't even see our 'baby' for Christmas.... emoticon emoticon

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THEMIGHTYLEX 1/5/2011 11:10PM

    I'm with ya all the way, sis. Rediscovering yourself, re-purposing yourself, and even just being yourself is something we are constantly doing throughout our lives. You're going to build something more wonderful than you can imagine in the days to come.

As far as the bulk of the blog, having a stronger attachment or bond with a particular family member/child isn't unusual. My brother and I are by far closer than we are with anyone else in our family. You and your daughter have a friendship. Letting go of a friend, even temporarily isn't easy. Don't think of it as your mini-me leaving the nest instead see your friend heading out for adventure. When she returns, you will BOTH have a lot to share and catch up on, as long as you remember to have adventures too!

Lot's of love Squirt. You're gonna be alright.


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CHERIRIDDELL 1/5/2011 11:06PM

    We are always with you.My daughter just got her Masters from the London School of Economics (I let her go all that way on her own but I did sort out a few things for her while she was over there ,I speak the lingo you know!) Yet I amlmost had a melt down when she bought a house on the other side of the city (not to worry she phones every night ! Even though I did teach her to be independant she likes to chat with dear old MUM!) Don't worry Beanie will manage on her own but you will always be her Mom ! emoticon

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JENNA3FROG 1/5/2011 10:28PM

    Good luck and best wishes as you find yourself :)
And this blog gave me a bit of a mini-panic attack ... this will be me before I know it. My oldest is 16 and will be a senior next year and then it will be ... gulp ... college! I SO hope she goes someplace close ... I'm not ready!!!!

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GEEMAWEST 1/5/2011 10:07PM

    Wait until she calls you and tells you that she got great grades! You will rejoice together just like I did with my daughter last night. Even though she is clear across the country we are still in this together. Just like you and your baby girl. She will always need you to tell the good and the bad stuff to. No one can take that away from you, not even James.

And, of course we're with you. We've put up with you this long haven't we?

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CARTOONB 1/5/2011 9:18PM

    Beanie asked you to fix her laptop?!?!?! She must have thought that since you couldn't actually touch it, it wouldn't implode! LOL!

It's nice to be needed by someone. It sucks when they don't need you as much anymore...even when that's what your goal was in the first place. Good luck wading thru the muck and mire. Hope you like what (who?) you find.

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STARPESCADO 1/5/2011 7:38PM

    Your daughter is so lucky & blessed to have the great love that U have for her.
You are going to be OK, and I think that you taught her to be so independent is the best thing you can teach a girl.

Hugs!

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WALKOFFWIN 1/5/2011 7:20PM

    Of course we are!!! Hang in there, because you're now headed in the right direction. Self knowledge is a very good thing, even when what we know, tells us we need to change and improve on some things. So add another day to day one, and another, and another, and the day will come when you see a big neon sign that says "Welcome to Your New Life! You Have Arrived!"

I know it's not easy, but I also know that you can do it, Michelle!

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TRENTDREAMER 1/5/2011 6:27PM

    "You guys with me? "

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And I look forward to being there with you on this one.

So what are you going to do this weekend? What's the first step. While I always recommend visits from Ghosts, I'm sure that there are other ways.

If there isn't a SparkTeam for recent empty nesters you might want to consider joining (or starting if one doesn't already exist) one.



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NANALD 1/5/2011 6:11PM

    She is flying, that's true but she is doing it because she had such a good teacher. I know from experience that she needs some freedom but as she becomes confident in her ability to be independent she will want a new relationship with mom and it will be every bit as enjoyable as the old one. In the meantime, what a wonderful YOU you have to rediscover and explore! ENJOY!! emoticon

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DUTCHIEKIWI 1/5/2011 5:32PM

    I haven't been where you are yet, and can not give much advise except... if you need me.. I'll be here!

xoxoxo

Dutchie

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FLEMIDG 1/5/2011 5:28PM

    Michelle, I'm with you all the way. I know it is hard for you to cut those apron strings and let go, but you have taught your lovely daughter well, and she will do great on her own. Never fear, though, she will be reaching out to you when she needs some mothering again. You know what they say, if you love someone you need to let them go, in time they will come back to you.

Now it is time for you to find something to occupy your time that you enjoy. Take time to decide what you would really like to do and go for it. It is also great that you will be able to spend more time with your DH.

Good luck in whatever choices you make. God is indeed with you and He will be happy to direct your path if you call on Him. We are always there for you.

God bless you. Love you lots.

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LMB-ESQ 1/5/2011 5:02PM

    Ummm.... Michelle dear? OU has a great IT center. If she can't get her computer running, they can. Oh yeah... that defeats the purpose of you finding an excuse to go see her LOL Guess you'll have to come up with something else!

Seriously, good for you to get back to yourself. I'm trying to do that too.

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DARLENEK04 1/5/2011 4:28PM

  You have to let them grow up and move on and move out. I
know it is hard, but you want them to be self-sufficient
and mature and be amazing adults, who still want to come
home and spend time with Mom n Pop.

I think, Michelle, you have to regroup and make this time
about you and Brian, and don't worry, your little chickees
will still come home to visit and bring all the grandkids.
At least you will have soe grandkids to enjoy...
Loveya and you get your nose out of the fridge and cookie
jar and begin concentrating on you and your own health, by
which will help Brian also....
Love you baby, you are a good mommy, but you have to let her
spread her wings...and fly.

I love you,
MommaD

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OLDERDANDRT 1/5/2011 4:05PM

    Hey, sweetie, you'll always be her mom. She just doesn't need quite as much "mothering" right now, but from time to time, a girl needs her mommy. My DD is 30 with 2 kids and every once in a while a get "the call" that she wants some advice fron ME!! She is a very self-suffiecient woman and fantastic mother and wife. So, anyway, you have the opportunity to carve out a niche for you!!! Go for it!! You can do it!! One foot in front of the other!! hehe Love ya, sweetie!
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KAILYNSTAR 1/5/2011 3:40PM

    I haven't had any of my children leave as of yet. The oldest will be 15 years later this month. I am trying to raise them to be self sufficient, but I do see in the future that I will have problems with the apron strings too.

You know that saying, "Once you're a parent, you're always a parent."

Yup. I am.



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MIYASEDAI 1/5/2011 3:24PM

    I'm with you! *hugs*

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BKNOCK 1/5/2011 3:23PM

    Oh sweetie you will also survive this! We are all here for you anytime you need us because you are an awesome person who raised an awesome daughter. Don't worry she will be home again and you will still be her Momma! NOW STAY OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR!

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SKILL133 1/5/2011 3:22PM

    Awwwwwww...this put a tear in my eye as I will be doing this some day. Fortunately for me I'm a lot younger than you and it won't happen for another 9 years. emoticon

Reclaim your life Steely. You are a full time Granny now...REJOICE!

ps. Using my words now I see - CRUD........

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 1/5/2011 2:46PM

    You are beautiful INSIDE and OUT! I love the way you mother your daughter! We have a commonality there! I love my kids much the way you do!

YOU GO, Girl! You are off and running! emoticon

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CINDYC53 1/5/2011 2:41PM

    I hear you. I've had my own issues with letting my daughter (now 37) separate from me - at various times during her life. (She's the one who taught at OU!) My only child - and we're so close - but I had to keep telling myself that it was healthy for her to make her own life - and choices (that might not be mine!) I think it goes in waves - they move away from us, then reach out again for Mom - and it's that knowledge they have that we're always there that is so wonderful.

How awesome that you can see it all for yourself - and you're finding ways to fill the void.
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1NICUBABE 1/5/2011 2:40PM

    I know exactly how you feel. It is so hard to stop being the fulltime mom and to realize that they don't need us as much anymore. Sometimes we need them more. Hang in there. I know you'll do great! emoticon

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KRITTERKEEPERS 1/5/2011 2:40PM

    Great blog! It is really hard to let go of the last one to leave the nest!
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CIVIAV 1/5/2011 2:30PM

    Totally with you and doing the same. Stretching boundaries never comes easily but I have the feeling you have done this before and will succeed again!

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CALIMAN1 1/5/2011 2:29PM

    Beanie is moving forward, but not away from her momma...she is just building on the foundation that you helped established...while it may be hard, you have equipped her well...she will be great....you will see!

As for the muck and mire, here is my hand sis...take hold and I'll be on board with ya....I'll add my muck to yours...but we'll be ok....we will.

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JACARRENO 1/5/2011 2:28PM

    Absa-flippin-lutely!! emoticon

Been feeling a little introspective myself lately and feeling like I need to do some purging myself ...

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Poolside Bikini Pics!!!!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010









What?! You didn't REALLY think I'd put pics up of ME in a bikini, did you?? Just thought I'd give you all a smile this evening....

(Thanks for the awesome email today, Barb!)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLYER99 1/10/2011 5:29PM

    This is amazing. How cute is this! LOL.
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AZCUPCAKE 1/10/2011 3:56PM

    Just another reason to love you....your wonderful sense of humor! I am laughing out loud!!! emoticon

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HUZZAH39 1/7/2011 11:54AM

    Too funny!!!! Thanks for the smile!

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KRITTERKEEPERS 1/5/2011 2:36PM

    emoticon

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SPARKENISTA 1/3/2011 11:05PM

    What an idea...you have a great sense of humor!

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RB5656 1/3/2011 9:19AM

    HHAHAHAHAHAH

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FROSTIERACES 1/3/2011 9:12AM

    Cute blog! emoticon

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JIMBOEHNER 1/1/2011 4:43PM

    Ive seen you in yer bikini. You rock it. You should have posted one and blew everyone's mind away. Goody two shoes.
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KAITLYNSNAMMY 12/31/2010 7:22AM

    lol! How adorable! I know my Wheaten wouldn't let me do that to her...she'd shred the bikni in a minute...wait, I don't own a bikini...no surprise there! lol

Have a beautiful day and Happy New Year too!
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DUTCHIEKIWI 12/30/2010 10:00PM

    I was looking forward to see a hot mam... but this was almost just as good!! ;0)

xoxoxoxox

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STARTINGINLIMBO 12/30/2010 9:39PM

    No, I didn't think you would, but was curious! How fun:)

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MBOURKE8 12/30/2010 9:23PM

    LOVE it! Love the weimer :-)

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LMB-ESQ 12/30/2010 8:48PM

    LOL Those are too funny! And look at all the comments you got from people who probably thought this blog was about something completely different!! emoticon

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GEEMAWEST 12/30/2010 8:37PM

    Look at how many people commented on this blog. Actually, look at how many people came to this blog hoping to see something else.
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KATVHALE 12/30/2010 6:41PM

    How shameful; those huzzies.... emoticon



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PARKIE 12/30/2010 5:46PM

    you are too funny!! emoticon

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OLDERDANDRT 12/30/2010 4:39PM

    OH! I see you posted pics from this summer's Diva swim party!!! Hehe!! Sweet!!! (And I like the triple top on that petite Diva!!! Very trendy!!) LOL

Comment edited on: 12/30/2010 4:40:07 PM

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BKNOCK 12/30/2010 3:02PM

    Too funny!

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CHRIS3215 12/30/2010 3:00PM

    WOW SEXY LADY!!!!!
NOW you need to lose the hair & tail!!!!!!
TOO FUNNY!!!


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KEKEIKO 12/30/2010 1:45PM

    That's just not right! emoticon

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JRDIAMOND4 12/30/2010 1:42PM

    When I read the post. My first thought was emoticon up to something. I knew it. We have to be related!!! bwahahahaha
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BIKERBABE2BE 12/30/2010 1:13PM

    Too cute! Thanks. I needed the laugh today. Happy day to you!

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DARLENEK04 12/30/2010 12:56PM

  What a bunch of cute pictures. Hows come you aren't out there
playing in the snow in a bikini??????? You'd rock one........

Darlene

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 12/30/2010 12:15PM

    LOL Thanks for the giggle. I needed it!

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LOVESLIFE48 12/30/2010 11:41AM

    Love it!!! Good one!!! emoticon

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WALKOFFWIN 12/30/2010 11:30AM

    While knowing it wouldn't be you in a bikini Michelle, when I saw the title I got over here in 1/10th of a second just in case! Because hope never dies... and I can dream, can't I? (actually already have) Lol ;o)

But LOVE the very funny pictures!!!
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The brown dog definitely has the shape to wear a bikini, but maybe someone should gently tell the little one with the triple top that she'd look a lot better in a one piece...
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WATERMELLEN 12/30/2010 9:48AM

    Too hilarious: love this!!

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EAGLE101 12/30/2010 9:21AM

    O.K. You got me, too...

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RACINGSLUG 12/30/2010 8:55AM

    I laughed!

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MINENA1 12/30/2010 8:23AM

    Ohhhh SO CUTE!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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-POLEDANCEGIRL- 12/30/2010 8:22AM

    How cute!! That is awesome!

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JOHNTJ1 12/30/2010 8:20AM

    I have to admit, that while I was waiting for this page to load I was wondering "Would i be a good friend if I didnt comment at all?"

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LINDAKAY228 12/30/2010 8:09AM

    Those are so cute! I did think from the title it was going to be you LOL! You had us going for a minute! Thanks for the smile. Have a great day today!

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ODIROM 12/30/2010 7:55AM

    Ok...I will admit, that when I saw this title flash across my screen, and then saw that it was YOU who posted the blog, I literally knocked things over on my desk to get here and see the pictures.

To answer the question that you asked at the end? Did I really think it would be pictures of you in a bikini?

WELL YEAH!!!!!

*snaps fingers*

DARN IT....

Oh well...I will wait....

Big Daddy T, naughty old man...(I would say dirty old man, but I showered this morning...)

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LIZZYP609 12/30/2010 7:47AM

    ((Giggle))

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JILLWILSON2102 12/30/2010 7:25AM

    I have seen these before and laugh every time. I do think #3 Miss Chihuahua needs SP though! emoticon

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ONEREALLYBIGDOG 12/30/2010 6:23AM

    FINALLY

Got to see some tail on SP

It's gonna be warm enough here in SW MO for me to get MY bikini out of storage. 52 degrees here now at 5:20 in the morning with a forecast high of 60 or so.

Thanks for testing my heart this morning

Have a great day

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CALGARYDAVE 12/30/2010 2:22AM

    Very good! emoticon

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LOUANN22 12/30/2010 1:43AM

    lol those pics are so awesome! i LOVE IT. I do the same thing with my dogs. especially during halloween :)

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UNSTOPPABLE_ 12/30/2010 1:24AM

    You are a little trickster...I love laughing so THANK YOU!!!

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JUNIAATROME 12/30/2010 1:20AM

    Now that certainly is the silliest idea to dress a dog! (no, I didn't think you would post your bikini pics - just wanted to see what you were up to again!) LOL

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CJWORDPLAY 12/30/2010 1:08AM

    emoticonI love laughing out loud emoticon

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DJ4HEALTH 12/30/2010 12:22AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
How long did it take you to put it on the dogs?

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PONYFARMER 12/30/2010 12:10AM

    Well at leaast she has the body for that suit. I sure don't.

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ELYMWX 12/30/2010 12:10AM

    Brat!

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THEMIGHTYLEX 12/30/2010 12:09AM

    Finally the world can see me in my nifty bikini.

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THEMIGHTYLEX 12/30/2010 12:09AM

    Finally the world can see me in my nifty bikini.

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USFBULL 12/30/2010 12:09AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/30/2010 12:04AM

    You! Are! A! MESS! emoticon emoticon

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FLEMIDG 12/29/2010 11:54PM

    Thanks for the pics. You sure know how to brighten someone's day.
God bless you. emoticon

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Jeffrey's Eggs

Monday, December 27, 2010

(This is my fourth blog which details an individual who touched my life....)

I was still green and a little wet behind the ears when I was placed on the Psych Wing. I had finished up my training period and was anxiously awaiting my permanent assignment when Carol informed me that they needed a nurse on the Psychiatric Unit on E Wing. Surely, she said, with my training in Pyschology, it would be the perfect fit for me. Stuttering and stammering, I nervously explained that someone of my "newness" couldn't POSSIBLY take on the responsibilities of such a heavy task so soon! Smiling her always-calm smile and placing her hand on my shoulder, she bent down and whispered in my ear, "Too bad. You got it anyways. You're going." With a slight push, she guided me toward the med room and handed me the med cart keys. "Oh!" she exclaimed, "We got a new resident just this morning! His name is Jeffrey. His info is in the report laying on your desk."

Pushing the med cart toward the doors which were double-paned security glass, I punched in my code to unlock them. Grumbling under my breath, I slowly made my way to the tiny office in the back while the nursing assistants sized me up and talked amongst themselves. I could tell that this not a match made in heaven by any stretch of the means. Glancing at the report on my desk, I suddenly noticed the nurse I was relieving sitting in the corner, hair unkempt, eyes dark and ready to jump ship. "You got all the information you need there. I'm outta here! Our new one, Jeffrey, well, he won't eat. He hasn't eaten anything according to the last facility for almost FIVE days. Says he wants to die. Have a great day...poor girl."

What was wrong with these people?? I was starting to think that there were doubts among others that I could do my job. Poor girl?? No, I don't think so...poor Jeffrey. HE was the one in trouble here, not me. Placing my hands in my scrub pockets, I made my way to Jeffrey's room. He was 135 pounds on a 6"1' frame, a beard that looked like it could house a couple of squirrels and hair that fell to his shoulders. Walking up to the side of his bed, I noticed the breakfast tray untouched on the nightstand beside him.

"Good morning, Jeffrey. I'm Michelle. I'll be your nurse for the day."
"Congratulations."
"What's wrong with your breakfast? Do you want me to bring you a warm tray?"
"No, you can take it and shove it up your a##, that's what you can do with it."
"Or how about this? You can talk to me with respect like I have chosen to do with you and, possibly, your stay here, especially while I'M on duty, can be much easier."
"Well, YOU'VE got quite the attitude."
"Takes one to know one, doesn't it, sir?"

Grabbing his tray from his stand, I announced that lunch would be served at 11:30 a.m. and I expected him out of the bed, hair combed and waiting for its arrival. Obviously, he did not get out of bed at lunch time, and there was, yet again, another power struggle. I spent the morning and much of the afternoon reading up on Jeffrey's history and learned that he was once a college professor, very intelligent, and had lost his wife to cancer. He had given up on his will to live over time and had developed traits of OCD and manic depression. Over the next few days, watching Jeffrey become weaker, I brought him magazines, books, anything that he could wrap his mind around. Most of the time they laid on the stand untouched, unopened.

A few days later I had had enough. Perhaps it wasn't the most professional thing to do, but, in my mind, this was ending one way or the other. Taking his lunch tray to him I sat it on the table and swung it directly in front of him. Removing the cover, I said, "Okay. You're eating today."
"Go to he##."
"Nope! You're eating or I'm getting an order from the doctor to insert a feeding tube. And I will do it myself! I've had enough of this crap, Jeff. You're not dying. Not on my watch. Now get busy! Time to get with it and GROW UP! EAT!" Slamming the lid to the tray on the bathroom sink, I huffed from the room and started crying in the hallway. I was going to be fired for sure. I had acted unprofessionally, the nurse's assistant was going to narc and my job was now up for grabs. Two weeks in and I was going to be terminated.

"I swear, you stinkin' people!" Jeffrey screamed, "Bring me some $%#@! ketchup if you expect me to eat these eggs! You expect me to eat rubber?? And you call these hash browns?? Gimme some salt! ALOT OF IT! I'll eat for you! But you're not killing me with this garbage! I'll do it MY way!" Peeking in, he was sitting up and making an honest attempt at his food. I think I ran over two residents and a fellow nurse on my way to the kitchen to fetch his condiments. I may have also gave a patient in a wheelchair a push that sent him flying a few feet down the wrong hallway....but Jeffrey got his ketchup. Jeffrey got his salt.

And Jeffrey ate.

Every day after that. Months passed and his eyes started to light up every time I came into the room. He started to laugh. He started opening up to the psychologist who came to speak with him. He started opening up to me. The day he asked for a haircut was the day that I really knew things had turned around. I was delirious with joy...until they came to tell me that I had been given the position on A Wing, Ventilation Unit. I promised Jeffrey that I would visit everyday. A few days into my job as I was getting prepared to insert a trach, I felt a hand slightly, playfully pull the back of my hair. Looking around, there stood Jeffrey smiling. I said, "What are you doing?? What are you doing HERE??"

"I've been transferred to the Rehab Unit over there. I can come see YOU everyday. That way YOU don't have to make the trip." Smiling proudly, he smoothed back his styled hair, fixed the sleeves on his blazer and held his head high. He was thirty pounds heavier, his skin was pink and hydrated and his air of confidence was so thick you could cut it with a knife. A few months later, Jeffrey was released into the care of an aunt. Before he left, he stood in front of me and said, "You scared the s%&%$ out of me me that day, ya know? I thought you were going to throw the lid at ME that day." Shaking his head, he took my hand and said, "Oh well. It made me eat. And by the way, the eggs still suck. And pretty much everything else does, too. But I knew if I didn't eat to build up my strength, there was no way I was going to get well enough to get away from you." Grinning mischeviously, he walked toward the exit and left, his aftershave still lingering in the air.

It's pretty amazing how not giving up on someone can give them the strength to do what they need to do for themselves. I'm not taking credit for his change of mind. It was all within HIS heart and HIS soul to do it HIMself. Sometimes we just need to know that there is someone who cares enough to get "mad" at the detrimental decisions that we are making against ourselves so that we can make a change. Sometimes we just need to know that someone CARES PERIOD.

So who is YOUR Jeffrey? Who is the person that needs you most today?






  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEVENGO2 1/11/2011 1:09PM

    Dear Michelle,

I am that psychiatric patient that finally listens. I had been told that my over consumption of diet pepsi (6 liters a day) could lead to this or that illness and was told to limit my intake to 2 liters per day.

But last Monday I was told something different from my Doctor that really hit home. I could end up in a 'controlled' care home if I continued to consume as much diet pepsi as I had been drinking. Well the next day and since then, I have limited my intake to two liters a day!

When dealing with a psych patient you may have to go to extremes to get them to do what is healthy for themselves and you may have to do unconventional things to get them to wake up and take care of themselves!

I have schizoaffective disorder. I am well adjusted on medication and living on my own in the community. I DON'T WANT TO END UP IN A CARE HOME, because I refused to listen to my Doctor and my Nurse!

Take care,
Steven

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LASVEGASLES 1/10/2011 11:58PM

    emoticon

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AZCUPCAKE 1/10/2011 4:13PM

    Oh Michelle, this is the blog that really touched me today, after enjoying the four or five other blogs of yours I dove into.....
I had a Jeffrey, too. His name was Jeffrey! He was a dear friend, so intelligent, so wise, so artistic, but alcoholism plagued him from his first drink at age eleven to the last days of his life. He died in November of 2006 at age 55, alone in his apartment after a binge, and I am still recovering from his death. I will never be the same again. There are people who, for whatever reason, leave a profound mark on your heart, and I still tear up when I think of him. Experiencing a loss like this makes me wonder if time really can heal all wounds.
There are days all I can do is wonder what I could have done to help him understand he didn't need alcohol to feel okay. All of his friends at AA were there for him - HE couldn't be there for HIMSELF. Thank you for this story about a Jeffrey who listened to you and who you helped become whole again. Thank you so much for that.

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SHERLYN-WILL 1/7/2011 4:26PM

    Ok. I am back after reading and commenting on your other 2 blogs today!

YOU did it to me again! TEARS sprang forth right at the part about his eyes lighting up when you came in the room!


YOU are gifted with writing!

I know these are true stories... but you are killin' me here!

THANK YOU!!

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KRITTERKEEPERS 1/5/2011 2:35PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ALMOSTRETIREDRN 1/4/2011 3:17PM

    Sometimes honesty is the spark that gets through to a mind that doesn't want to go on. You sound like an incredible nurse. Those early years in the profession can be so challenging/

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FROSTIERACES 1/3/2011 9:19AM

    What a wonderful heart felt story. I'm so happy you were able to reach him....to take the time to help him wake up out of his sadness and being lost is pretty amazing. Not a lot of people do that. Thanks for sharing. You're a great person!!

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JIMBOEHNER 1/1/2011 4:36PM

    Poor bloke. It's a good thing you didnt make him your eggs. He got your TLC and that was a good thing.


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MBOURKE8 12/30/2010 9:21PM

    Ohhh, I'm tearing up a little. I have a job in human services and have some success stories...I guess not as many as NO success stories, but those are the ones I remember.
I am working on nursing classes after finishing my BA in Psych; it sounds like you have a similar educational background. Can I ask what you do now days?

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KATVHALE 12/30/2010 6:39PM

    You are such a tender soul and we are all so blessed to know you! You are a perfect example that God certainly knows what He is doing because He gave you the perfect gifts of mercy and care-giving.

You are going to have one of the biggest mansions in Heaven for sure because you are laying up lots of treasures in Heaven!

Love ya,

Kat

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WOLFKITTY 12/30/2010 2:47PM

    Wow. Who could ever begrudge the years lived when they've been filled with such amazing experiences?

You touch lives.
Thanks for sharing your story!
Jocelyn

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WALKOFFWIN 12/29/2010 9:44PM

    Another great story, Michelle. A while back, I think I was my own Jeffrey, except I was eating way too much instead of starving myself. But my attitude was very similar to the Jeffrey in your story. It was my wife who never gave up on me, because she couldn't let go of who I was before my downward slide, and she never stopped believing in the possibility of that version of me making a comeback. Thank God her faith was rewarded.

Who is that person who needs me most today? Except for the love and support I give my wife when she needs it, I don't know who my Jeffrey would be. But thanks to your story, maybe I'll be more likely to notice him or her and reach out...

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SUGARBABY60 12/29/2010 12:53AM

    that is exactly why we went into nursing... to touch the lives of others .....and be touched in our lives. emoticon

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CHERIRIDDELL 12/29/2010 12:31AM

    Another awesome blog Michelle thank you!

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MOTIVATEDMB 12/28/2010 8:10PM

    Oh my word what a tearful story! That is so awesome. It reminds me of my days in the nursing home as a CNA before I got my RN. Crazy stuff but all so good for the soul. THanks for sharing.

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JILLWILSON2102 12/28/2010 10:32AM

    To be witness to the paradigm shift in human nature is an awesome view to behold... emoticon

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SKILL133 12/28/2010 10:20AM

    Nice Story.. Man, you are a crazy biotch aren't you?!?! emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 12/28/2010 9:24AM

    Such an awesome story. I worked on a psych unit of a local hospital for 3 years as a psych tech. There was one woman who I will never forget who was 65 years old an manic depressive. She did wonderful as long as she was on her meds but sometimes she would start to forget. She had never married and had no kids and took care of her elderly parent. She had a brother and sister who didn't really care about her as long as she was taking care of the parents so they didn't have to. Once she got off her meds she was totally out of it. Delusional and speaking nonstop about nothing that made sense. She even went streaking naked through the unit once. But once she got started on her meds again she was the sweetest thing. She had been to Juliard school of music and had written the music to some songs that were published. I always felt it was such a shame that her family didn't help her to stay on her meds and let her get to that state. She was in our unit 3 or 4 times over the 3 years I worked there. I really liked her a lot. People like her were so much easier for me to deal with than the substance abusers we got repeatedly who were in trouble and came in to detox then were back again a few months later. Every time through they tried to act more and more like they owned the place and didn't want to take part in therapy. There were some substance abusers who really did want to change and those were awesome. But we had a group of regulars, or "frequent fliers" who only came in because their wife was going to leave, the judge was going to throw them in jail, or something similar. But others like my sweet little old lady I enjoyed working with so much and seeing their improvement.
Love your stories!

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KAT573 12/28/2010 9:23AM

    Great Experience, great gift! Great Ending! Keep on keeping on!
emoticon emoticon

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JOHNTJ1 12/28/2010 9:11AM

    There is a beautiful story about St Francis of Assisi and a traveling companion. They walked many miles in a blizzard and were wet, tired and tattered as they approached the monastery. The other monk and Francis were talking about "perfect love." Francis told the monk that he would know perfect love when they arrived at the monastery and were not recognized by the rector, beaten and pushed in a huge mound of snow to die. Francis told the other monk that when he could lay there and smile and feel gratitude in his heart he would know perfect love.

Sounds to me like you know it also.

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FLEMIDG 12/27/2010 11:48PM

    Another beautiful story, Michelle. Thanks for sharing. I think both you and Jeffrey got something from each other. I am sure he will remember you for many years to come, as you do him. Thanks again for your awesome blogs. God bless your caring heart.

Darlene

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JUNEBUG150 12/27/2010 11:19PM

    That really touched my heartstrings, thanks for sharing and caring! emoticon

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STEELERGURL 12/27/2010 10:36PM

    looks like you made a life long friend!!

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DARLENEK04 12/27/2010 9:54PM

  Great Blog Michelle....nurses have heart.............


Darle
ne

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RONOSOF 12/27/2010 7:36PM

    My work is ALL Jeffrey's! And isn't it worth it!

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RONOSOF 12/27/2010 7:36PM

    My work is ALL Jeffrey's! And isn't it worth it!

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LMB-ESQ 12/27/2010 7:18PM

    Sounds like you touched him even more than he touched you! H3ll, I'd eat too if you came at me like that!

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KAYDE53 12/27/2010 4:56PM

    Sometimes it just takes someone to care! You did! Bless you! emoticon

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BKNOCK 12/27/2010 4:05PM

    Yeah, you scare the bejeekers out of me too! Great story!

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THEMIGHTYLEX 12/27/2010 3:29PM

    I'm collecting all of these into a book, so everyone will know what a great sister I have.

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CARTOONB 12/27/2010 2:33PM

    I'd eat rubbery eggs to get away from you too! LOL! Good for you and good for Jeffrey. Love these blogs.

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LIZZYP609 12/27/2010 1:29PM

    Awesome Story Michelle! I was taught many years ago (OK not that many) to keep your heart, eyes and ears open and there are many things you can do for people. Even if it is a nice cup of starbucks coffee. See a need, fill a need.
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PJSTIME 12/27/2010 1:21PM

    I love your blogs and stories. I will miss them when we are in Texas for the winter. We will be leaving next week and be back home in April. I don't have internet all the time so I wont be able to spark much. Have a wonderful winter.

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/27/2010 1:06PM

    Oh, Michelle, I just LOVE your stories! You ought to be a writer! What a gift! Thank you for sharing this story with me! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CJWORDPLAY 12/27/2010 12:58PM

    Before I became disabled and needed to retire I was one of the front-line, first-responder people ---- like you in your story. And I've seen some amazing turn arounds from those interactions. As I read your blog I wondered "Who needs me today, at this time in my life?". Then I realized - I have friends and colleagues who work in intense situations with people who need their skills and compassion. By supporting my friends - I help them help others. The circle just gets wider, doesn't it?

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-FAIRYDANCER 12/27/2010 12:50PM

    A wonderful Story! Thank you for sharing it, it definitely gives some food for thought.

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BIKERBABE2BE 12/27/2010 12:48PM

    My dear husband needs me most today, and I need him. Thanks for the wonderful blog! You got me again! Hugs.

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ONEREALLYBIGDOG 12/27/2010 12:44PM

    It's NO surprise to me what you were the one to come through for him and HE came through for YOU.

Awesome story!
Jeffrey was blessed to have you and you to him!

Thanks for sharing such a powerful story!
Have a Marvelous Monday

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CIVIAV 12/27/2010 12:38PM

    Sometimes it's us...

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