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I Dropped A Kidney Somewhere...

Thursday, December 11, 2014

No one told me once you hit 45 that everything was going to fall apart...I mean literally. Body parts seem to start malfunctioning or squeaking or literally falling off, much to your freaked-out dismay. You try to go have them fixed or glued back together, or if you have two of them, you just tell them to go ahead and take it out if it's giving you too much of a fuss. I've come to the point where I just tell the docs, "It's okay, I've got a spare, just yank it out of there..." and I go back to chewing my gum and reading my magazine. I suppose that's why God gave us two of alot of things.

Let's see, I'm legally blind in my LEFT eye. I'm deaf in my LEFT ear. I have a mitral valve that doesn't work. My LEFT kidney works half the time and the other spits out rocks just to see how loud I can scream ("Oh, I see you're enjoying a nice, relaxing time of rest. Here, let me play you the song of my people!") and you begin shrieking in tongues. I was able to keep my wisdom teeth until a few years ago with no problem then suddenly, out of the blue, they got drunk and started harassing the others. (And they decided to do so two weeks after kidney surgery so I was in a really, really bad mood for a little while. A REALLY bad mood.) And we're not EVEN going to mention my lupus. That %#$@#&%.

I'm not telling you this to get you to feel even the least little bit sorry for me. Lord knows, there are so many people worse off than I am. I am thankful for the things that I have and the many things that I don't have. I have the ability to walk and talk and be mobile, for the ability to breath and live without the assortment of cancers and diseases that afflict so many out there. I am thankful for each and every day that God has allowed me to walk upon this earth and be there for the people around me. Sometimes I think He gives us trials and tribulations to humble us so we may feel empathy for those who AREN'T as fortunate. It's like my mother always said, "There is always someone worse off than you. So straighten up and clean your room."

Oh, now don't get me wrong...as many people will tell you, I've jumped aboard the Self Pity Train many times. Probably more times than I should or care to admit. I'm only human. We ALL do it. Sometimes we hold it in until the smallest things happen, too. We can pat ourselves on the back and say, "Wow, I've been so strong through this!" until we stub our toes on the legs of the dining room table. That is enough to make us start swinging an axe and curse EVERYTHING that has gotten under our skin. We wouldn't be normal if we didn't look in the mirror at times and ask the question, "Why ME?" Funny thing is, it is the RIGHT question to ask. Always.

Why you? Because God has given our burdens, our pain, our misfortunes to us to make us stronger. Cliche, I know. But true. If we were given everything on a silver platter we would not grow to appreciate them. We would all just be running around touting our goods and showing off our longevity shamelessly. We wouldn't appreciate our good days because we wouldn't have any bad to compare them to. I worked with a wise young man a few years ago who told me how he believed life worked. Twenty-three years old, he looked me dead in the eye during one of my flare-ups and said, "You should be telling God 'thank you' for this." I looked at him, thinking he was being sarcastic, but he was looking at me with critical scrutiny...

"If you can imagine an imaginary line. At the beginning of that line is the worst thing that can happen. At the end of the line is the best thing that can happen. In the middle of the line is you. For every bad thing that happens, there is an equal distance to something that is good. I know you are in pain but for this day there is a day when this has passed and you feel wonderful. Just focus on getting there, okay? And when you are there, thank God for that day, too."

I thought those were pretty wise words from someone so young. (A little while later I caught him wrapping plastic wrap around a fellow employee and screaming, "I'm Spiderman!" but that's beside the point.)

The lesson here is for me. Although I've been ill and dealing with the usual aches and pains from my faulty autoimmune disorder and walking around with a stone the size of a football stuck in my LEFT ureter, I need to take a few moments and realize it could be alot worse. I need to stop being so grumpy and focus on the body parts that are working quite well. Yes, I am going to have surgery to have the football removed and I'm going to endure a few days of ridiculous discomfort, but it could be worse. ALOT worse. (I'm HOPING it can wait until I finish school and I know I'm probably being ridiculous but I REALLY want to finish my program with perfect attendance!!)

It's no coincidence that everything happens on my LEFT side, by the way.

It's because I'm always RIGHT. (Lol?)

I pray the remainder of the week goes well for all of you, and I pray if you are feeling down or under the weather that you feel better soon. For every day that is gloomy or crummy there are better days to come.

Thank you all so much for your concern and prayers the last few days, too. I could feel my spirit healing with each well-wish I received. Words DO matter...

You are loved. Very, very much. :) God bless...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAILYNSTAR 12/27/2014 9:45AM

    What a title. I have to admit, you made me laugh with just that.

You poor girl, going through such a time. I've heard that dropping kidney stones are just awful. You have my sympathy, but I'm not offering my hand for you to squeeze. My right hand cannot take it. At all. But if you have to scream, I'll dutifully plug my ears. Wince and say, "You poor, poor girl."

I have noticed you haven't written anything since this blog and I am hoping it's because you have been busy with school and Christmas. Not anything with that football.

Take care and know, we care for you and you are loved.

Hugs.

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SHARON10002 12/21/2014 12:04AM

    Oh, Michelle, I hope that you get to finish your program before you have to have the surgery. "(I'm HOPING it can wait until I finish school and I know I'm probably being ridiculous but I REALLY want to finish my program with perfect attendance!!" Of course, you and I both know that there's not a smidgen of perfectionism in that thought is there?
Just know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, and I know you'll get through this as you always do with great courage and humor, and add another notch in your belt!
Hugs to you sweetie. . . Sending you lots of love. . .


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MARINEMAMA 12/17/2014 7:27PM

    emoticon sweet friend

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JADOMB 12/12/2014 8:35PM

    When I was in my 20s, I figured it would be a miracle if I lived to be 30. I've had two miracles I guess since I'm 61 years old now. We've been blessed my friend and I know you know it. But we can still pray for each other to continue on with minimal pains and sufferings until it is finally our time to walk with the Lord. ;-)

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AJDOVER1 12/12/2014 4:07PM

    I wish you tons of joy once you get through this sucky period!
Thanks so much for this blog
emoticon

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OLDERDANDRT 12/12/2014 2:00PM

    Love you, too, Michelle!!! This blog came at a good time to remind me to be more thankful for what I've got!! And you are one of those!! I'm so sorry about your current malady. Been there, done that and you still have a sense of humor, so my prognosis is that you'll make it!!
(((HUGS))) (((HUGS))) (((HUGS))) (((HUGS))) (((HUGS))) (((HUGS)))

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VIVICHAMPERS 12/12/2014 12:57PM

    Thank you for this! Your outlook is really encouraging! I hope you get to keep your perfect attendance, but take care of that football!!!

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BLUEJAY1969 12/12/2014 12:38PM

    You are a special gift in my life! No really you are! You make me see things from a whole new perspective...... the one of humor and sometimes I really need that! I too believe that we are given rough times in order to appreciate the wonderful times that we have. I have my burdens but I have so many blessings that if I were told I could get rid of my burdens but I'd have to give up my blessings for it....... I'd keep every one of my burdens and then some! Wishing you the ability to get through the rest of your first semester with the perfect attendance that you desire!
emoticon
Jeanne

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BKNOCK 12/12/2014 11:03AM

    Great blog as usual! You are quite a writer my friend! Hope you feel better soon. Congrats on almost finishing your first semester!

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SKMINNY 12/12/2014 10:25AM

    Dear spark friend, sorry u have so much on your plate! Sometimes sharing the ugly part puts it into perspective . i have a hard time with the perspective part sometimes. i want to yell scream and throw things or go out to the desert and shoot cans. So with the good part is that u can put it into words and do something about it.
From what i have read about u:
You are strong
you are funny
you face life head on
you look for the silver lining
you encourage people
you can make fun of yourself
you love God
May the Lord bless you and keep you
Debbie

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NISSANGIRL 12/12/2014 6:46AM

    Thanks for making me laugh through your blog! sorry about the kidney , please get that checked out GF, and I agree with Beautiful Reina, u have a wonderful outlook! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHALLENGER15 12/12/2014 6:16AM

    As I always, I enjoyed your blog - not your pain, but your outlook. I'm not good with words, but this brightened my day.

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FLEMIDG 12/12/2014 1:01AM

    Thanks for my smile of the day. Sorry to hear you are going through some tough stuff right now. It will get better. I am thinking of you and praying for you. Sending you loads of love and hugs.

God bless you dear friend.

Darlene

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HOBBESIS49 12/12/2014 12:43AM

    "It's okay, I've got a spare, just yank it out of there..." and I go back to chewing my gum and reading my magazine. I suppose that's why God gave us two of alot of things.

This made me giggle thinking of my own recent thoughts in this same thinking..

Here's to hoping you can finish your program before you get rid of that awful tumor.

I don't know you but I'll be thinking of you out there somewhere! Healing to you from the cyber world of FB.

A Sparked Friend,

emoticon Jane


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HERFRANK 12/12/2014 12:21AM

    God Bless you! I always enjoy reading your posts. I specially liked the part ..."If you can imagine an imaginary line. At the beginning of that line is the worst thing that can happen. At the end of the line is the best thing that can happen. In the middle of the line is you. For every bad thing that happens, there is an equal distance to something that is good"
You are absolutely right.
BTW... There's NO WAY I buy you are 45!! LOL
Be strong, You inspire me!
Keep us posted about the outcome with your surgery. Don't delay that!
Your life is more important than a perfect attendance! I wanna keep reading your wonderful posts!!!
Happy Holidays!!!
emoticon
Frank

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CARTOONB 12/11/2014 10:58PM

    You're 45?!?! You're old!!! LOL!!!

I hope you get through your program with perfect attendance and then you feel waaaayyyy Better!

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MSHEL7 12/11/2014 8:55PM

    Please please please don't let that stone go too long and grow bigger. My mom did that and now her whole kidney is full and they can't do a thing for her. She has no kidney function in that kidney and her other has now decided to spit stones as well. It is a terrible thing, not something I want to see or hear of another person in this world having. So, please do not let it go on, even if you have to miss a few days of school. Trust me the alternative is so much worse. We've been dealing with her whole kidney stone for almost 14 years now and literally there is nothing they can do. She has begged them to take the kidney, but they won't as her other is not that great either.
Hope you feel better soon.

Comment edited on: 12/11/2014 8:55:42 PM

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CHRISTINEBWD 12/11/2014 8:47PM

    I have to say that kidney stones sound very painful! I am so sorry you are having that level of pain! That sucks! It sounds like you will endure more pain to have it fixed. That also sucks!!! Too bad you are not like me, in that, I cannot tolerate pain, I pass out!

You are in my healing prayers. And no I don't think it is silly to want perfect attendance! I pray you can make it girl! You are wonderful! emoticon

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KING_SLAYER 12/11/2014 8:35PM

    This blog post reminds me of that song, sung by the short girl from the Bangles... :My name is LUPUS, I live on the second floor..."

I don't stub my toes, I always have shoes on :) I have a auto immune disorder myself, psoriasis. And with that FUN disorder comes psoriatic arthritis. Which in my case is the welding together of my joints. Neither of my big toes can bend at the knuckle and they're swollen like fat sausages. If I kick something or they get stepped on, I begin a bloody 3 state murder spree. But as Jesus said "Murder spree for me, not for thee", so I wear my shoes and avoid the whole mess. Maybe it wasn't Jesus that said...

I hope there are plenty of much better days ahead for you, pain free and worry free.

If this was hard to understand, try reading it again but just using your good eye ;)

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BEAUTIFUL_REINA 12/11/2014 8:28PM

    You have a wonderful outlook, thank you for sharing your blog!

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Momma Said There'd Be Days...

Tuesday, December 02, 2014

There was a sheet of ice on my front porch steps this morning. Looking down at them, holding five textbooks, an umbrella, my lunch box, my keys and my purse, I realized I had several options:

a) Attempt to nonchalantly go down them and just hope for the best.
b) Call the school and tell them I wouldn't be in today.
c) Go back inside and get the salt.
d) Whine like a girl. (Ok, so I did. A little.)
e) Call my husband on his cell and tell him to come out and carry me down them.
f) Place the crap down, jump off the porch to safety, then retrieve my crap once I gained sure footing.

I chose "f."

What I failed to take into consideration was the fact that the same sheet of ice that was on the steps was also on the sidewalk.

Upon my landing, my left leg went to the right and my right leg went to the left. In mid twirl, my back arched inward, my stomach arched outward and the neighbor passing by caught a glimpse of my mouth open three times its normal size. My arms lurched forward in hopes that he could cover over 100 feet of distance in 1.2 seconds to rescue me from the ensuing pain...and embarrassment. Didn't happen. But he waved right before stepping on the accelerator.

Going down, I can remember thinking, "Why don't I ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER, think things through????"

I wanted to go back into the house and go back to bed. But no. I just sat up, gathered my marbles, and tentatively stood up, grabbed my books and bags and made my way to the car. I solemnly drove to school and pulled into the parking lot, checked my makeup in the mirror and opened the door. Stepping out, I didn't pay attention to the puddle beside my car. But...it wasn't a puddle.

It was a frozen circle of ice.

My left leg went left. My right leg went right. My books went airborne and I gave in to fate midway down. A fellow classmate just getting out of HER car witnessed the whole thing. I looked back at her and screamed, "OH!MY!GOD!!" She laughed, I laughed. It was all fun and games and I explained to her what had happened earlier. Then she said, "You should really try to be careful! People your age have brittle bones, don't they? Like, hip injuries?? We learned that in class, remember?? Have you had a bone density test lately??" I really wanted to wup her. Like, seriously? But I smiled. And patted her on the head.

It couldn't get any worse, right??

If you don't count the kidney stone I passed in the bathroom a few hours later, I guess not. I'm thinking the falls may have lodged it loose. Either way, there's nothing like holding in screams and clawing the walls of the stall while you're med term teacher is humming in the next cubby hole over. HUMMING. HAPPILY. "Silent Night."

Forty-five minutes later, I emerged looking like I just wrestled a large grizzly bear to its poor little death.

I made my way back to coding class and plopped heavily into my seat. Rummaging loudly in my purse for my ibuprofen, I spilled out several pills on the table top and bent down and stuck my tongue on them, curling them into my mouth. I. Did. Not. Care. Opening the screw top to my diet Dew, it "splished" loudly and I took several gigantic gulps, sighing heavily.

Several faces turned toward me and I managed to muster the most sarcastic grin I have ever given. Did they want a piece of me? I would have been happy to oblige but I think I left most of my pieces in the bathroom.

I have coding homework (a buttload) to do before next Monday. A big test to study for Thursday. A presentation to work on for next week. But tonight I am not doing anything. I've been beat to death today and had most of my insides ripped out by an object the size of a grain of salt. Sounds kinda wimpy when you say it like that but until you pass one, you will never understand. This is like having a baby...but out of the wrong part of your anatomy. Once it arrives, though, the last thing you want to do is hug it, kiss it and call it "Angel."

Okay, Tuesday. I give. You win.

I hope Wednesday arrives on a better note. The ice has melted. I'm sore but still somewhat functional. And there are worse things that could happen. So, I'm optimistic that it will be a better day. But for tonight, I sit in my robe, watching The Weather Channel, sipping some chamomile tea. I shouldn't be doing that. Everytime I drink chamomile tea, I have weird dreams. Like being a cleaning lady at the auto mall. (I actually enjoyed that one. I woke up feeling like, "Yeah, I could do that!") And after today, I would DO IT for a reasonable salary.

Have a great week, guys...tomorrow is HUMP DAY! Halfway through! And thanks for listening, once again. Most of you who know me, know that I like to make fun of my situations. Lord knows, if I didn't, I would cry, lol. Big hugs for putting up with my malarky. But, most of all, big hugs because I love you all.

Goodnight...off to bed for me. Sweet dreams to you, too.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHARON10002 12/20/2014 11:54PM

    OMG! How did I manage to miss this?! You most definitely win the prize for the Absolute worst day of the week - maybe even the month! Glad you didn't get hurt in your "interpretive ice acrobatics" emoticon (It's like interpretive dance only more convoluted and panicky).

I have been lucky thus far, knock on wood, to not have experienced a kidney stone. I am so very sorry you had to go through all of that, and at school no less! emoticon

I hope you are feeling better, and that you won't be all black and blue from your falls because that would just be the icing on the cake!

Sending you lots of healing vibes, and emoticon.

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BKNOCK 12/11/2014 5:54PM

    Wow! I feel your pain!

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CARTOONB 12/4/2014 6:33PM

    You're adorable!

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AJDOVER1 12/4/2014 6:08PM

    I hope you slept well! You're in my prayers. Thanks for making me smile.
emoticon (i'm laughing WITH you)

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WALLAHALLA 12/3/2014 5:34PM

    What a day! May that be the worst one of the month, and the rest be blessedly smooth. Try not to get 'stoned' again, although I really don't know how to avoid that.

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FORZACHANDMATT 12/3/2014 10:50AM

    Yikes - I feel for you! As a medical person and as a person who has had 2 babies, I know that passing a kidney stone can be way worse and AFTER falling twice on the ice!!! I would have chosen f too and probably had the same outcome :))

I hope you got some well needed rest and can move forward today. And I so want to wup that classmate of yours too :)))

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BLUEJAY1969 12/3/2014 3:57AM

    OH. MY. GOD! You poor thing! Despite laughing my butt off at the way you wrote everything I feel for you so much! My DH passed a stone while at work and they rushed him to the hospital because they thought he was having a heart attack! He's had several pass since then and, yup he looks like he wrestled with a small bear and LOST! I am so glad you didn't get seriously hurt in those falls! You are so precious to be able to laugh at your own predicaments! I just love reading your blogs!
emoticon
Jeanne

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MRSP90X 12/2/2014 10:47PM

    Holy smokes! My husband suffered for days with one of those and you had to do it at school? Yikes! Although, it could be even worse, at least you didn't severely break your wrist on ice like I did. I still have the metal plate in there and suffer from instant arthritis since I broke it into the joint. PLEASE be careful!! I don't even want to go near ice!! Embarrassment is much easier to smile away.

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SCOTMAMA 12/2/2014 9:07PM

    Reading about your day I didn't know whether to laugh or cry! Girlfriend, you have had one hell of a day! And that's whitewashing it a bit......and it all started with the idea of "jumping off the porch." Bad idea.

Sometimes when feet go in one direction and other parts of your bod go in several "other" directions you can hurt yourself -- badly! Not just a bruised butt.

Do be careful, or....... move to the Phoenix area for the winter. Nary a slippery piece of ice around, unless you count the one in my drink! Here's to Michelle!

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HICKOK-HALEY 12/2/2014 9:06PM

    Omg, lol. A few years ago I decided to jump off a 3 ft brick wall in our backyard. I did land on my feet, then flipped over, and fell into our pool. Problem was, it was fall...pool was empty. Therefore I hit my head on the bottom of the pool. What does my Daughter say to me? "Your to old to be jumping off of walls" Kids, don't you just love them lol.
Glad your ok! emoticon

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BRIAEL 12/2/2014 8:41PM

    Helluva day for you. Hope the rest of the week is less eventful and the aches and pains disappear sooner rather than later. :)

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KEKEIKO 12/2/2014 8:35PM

    and ... the judges award you a six emoticon
Don't celebrate too soon, that a combo score . emoticon
No more competing for you! emoticon

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ALICIA214 12/2/2014 8:33PM

 


Sounds like something Lucy would do, I must confess I had a few giggles but once I got them out of my system I truly hoped you did not do any serious damage to your person... I hope you have a better day tomorrow,,,,

emoticon
.

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KEKEIKO 12/2/2014 8:31PM

    Put down that tea and mix up a cocktail! emoticon
You'll sleep like a emoticon
I hope you can move tomorrow after a day like today.
Are you ready for summer yet? emoticon

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CHRISTINEBWD 12/2/2014 8:15PM

    What a day! Glad you made it though it! hope tomorrow is much, much, much better!

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KING_SLAYER 12/2/2014 8:06PM

    And I thought being cold all day today sucked! Hope you feel better and have a much better day tomorrow. :)

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OLDERDANDRT 12/2/2014 7:44PM

    OMG,Michelle!!! You've been through hell and back today! Hope you have a real healthy supply of ibuprophen, sweetie!! Did you take a nice long soaking hot bath? I'd take every opportunity to rest for awhile, hon. You have slammed your body around and then that stone passing was the icing on your cake, right? Ouch!! Been there!
Your assignments seem to be getting more involved and more at a time!! Sheesh! Just how do they expect students who actually are responsible for anything family to be able to deal?! I guess it's always that way. A job, school, they all want to you behave like it's the only thing in the world you ever think about or have time for!
Keep an eye on those temps, sweetie and remember, if it looks wet, the temp is 32 or less, it IS ice!!! Better to think it is when it isn't than the other way round!
Love ya, Michelle! I do hope you feel better real soon. Take care and please stay safe!! (((HUGS)))

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MSHEL7 12/2/2014 7:22PM

    Was that a rendition of Michelle's terrible awful no good very bad day? LOL!! Sorry it was rough, even more sorry that you fell, twice, and had a kidney stone-my mom and my son have them. Yuck. Here's hoping tomorrow is much much better!! emoticon

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JADOMB 12/2/2014 7:16PM

    So sorry to hear of your calamity. Sounds like you made it through though with no major injuries. While we don't have ice here, it is raining and I found out my ultra special Spartan shoes are not so good on slick shiny tile floors. Great on mud and dirt but nothing it can't bite into with it's lugs. So I too did a bit of a dance after coming in from outside and trying to do the splits as I left the indoor mat. Fortunately, after a few quick checks and stretches, I found no injuries. Like they say, us old folks need to be careful. LOL

So far so good on kidney stones, none yet, but what they heck, I've had so many other off the wall issues as of late, WHY NOT. ;-)

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BRAINBENTT 12/2/2014 7:09PM

    That was well written and fun to read.

You have a great day tomorrow !!



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Thank You...

Monday, November 24, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving, guys. :)

I may not get a chance to get back on here before the holiday goes full swing so I wanted to take advantage of the few moments I have now. I don't get much time these days to stomp around this neck of the forest and when I do, it's always a treat. It's like a little vacation in my heart to come back here. I am eternally grateful and thankful for finding this site. Back in 2009 I made my first profile page, STEELERCRAZY, and I began my journey of a rediscovery of self. I got lost somewhere along the way...literally...because I had to make a new page...but I found my way back. It wasn't because I liked all the bells and whistles of the site, no...

It was you guys.

Some people have come and gone. Many of you, from day one, have hung in there with me while I got into all sorts of trouble and have patiently put up with my shenanigans. Alot of you, although I haven't known you for years, I feel as though I have known you for an eternity in my heart. You EACH have touched my feelings in so many deep and meaningful ways. I just wish I could sit down with you all, one on one, and have a coffee with you. Or just hug you. I'm a big hugger. And I SQUEEEEZE. Sometimes I hug so hard I choke people. I don't mean to. But it happens. But it's out of love. That is my wish...maybe one that will never come true...but if I won the lottery, I would visit each and everyone of you and you would never doubt that I really care about YOU. And YOU. And YOU...and, yes, YOU.

I see all of your faces in my mind. (What a good lookin' bunch! I can really pick 'em!)

It's not often in life that I have come across so many people AT ONCE, who have helped to make my life better and taught me so many good lessons. You are truly cherished...

I wish you all the happiness in the world. I wish you the true wonder of this holiday season, a most MAGICAL Thanksgiving, with every bit of joy and contentment that you so much deserve. I wish for you a heart full of warmth and cherished moments...not only for Thanksgiving Day but for EVERY day of the year and the many years to come.

Thank God for you.

Happy Thanksgiving, guys.

You are loved. Bunches.





  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OLDERDANDRT 11/29/2014 1:16PM

    Right back atcha, Michelle!! Love ya like a sis!! Hope you've been having a great holiday! (((HUGS)))

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AJDOVER1 11/26/2014 2:35PM

    luvu! emoticon

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BKNOCK 11/25/2014 8:29PM

    Happy Thanksgiving Friend!

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ARUNNINGKAT 11/25/2014 7:05PM

    What a beautiful blog! I not only felt, but loved every word! Spark truly is a wonderful place... and I share your desire to meet every single friend! There are some truly amazing people on here!

Hope your Thanksgiving is wonderful in every possible way! emoticon emoticon

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KAILYNSTAR 11/25/2014 2:05PM

    It is amazing on how many of us has stayed on the site. I love this site for the support, for the friends across the miles and the hope that there are still good people around.

I'm so glad I met you, that we became friends and no matter what, are there for each other.

Take care. Enjoy your holiday and pass your course.

Or is it coarse? ;)

(I'm sooo bossy!)

Hugs!!!!!!!

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JADOMB 11/25/2014 1:39PM

    Back at ya sweetie.

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PMRUNNER 11/25/2014 5:59AM

    Hugs! Have a happy thanksgiving,safe travels!

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NISSANGIRL 11/25/2014 4:59AM

    what a wonderful Blog! u have a great Heart! Hope u and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BLUEJAY1969 11/25/2014 4:28AM

    Aww - You are also loved bunches hon! It's a real pleasure to read your terrifically written blogs!
emoticon
Jeanne

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KING_SLAYER 11/25/2014 1:14AM

    This is a very sweet and kind blog message. Have a great Thanksgiving :)

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CARTOONB 11/24/2014 11:11PM

    I am totally rooting for you to win the lottery now!!! Can't wait for you to come visit me.

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MSHEL7 11/24/2014 10:31PM

    You're great, I hope you know that. Thanks for such a sweet blog. Hope you get a chance at a real hike over the little break too. Happy Thanksgiving to you!!

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CHRISTINEBWD 11/24/2014 10:21PM

    Blessing go out for you too! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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The Big Picture

Monday, November 17, 2014

I think it was Forrest Gump who said, "I'm pretty tired. Think I'll go home now." Or something to that effect. Anyways, I know what he meant. You get tired of runnin'. For me, runnin' is trying to get everything done during the day or THINKING I'm done when I realize at 9 p.m. I didn't do the report for Med Term due the following day. Runnin' is an understatement when that happens. It is pure panic at the disco at that point and I'm sucking on the computer screen at 1:30 in the morning when my husband walks in from work.

"What are you doing??"
"Paper due in the morning."
"And you are just now..."
"YES! YES! YES! AND???"
"You had all night..."
"YES! YES! YES! AND???"
"What were you doing all night?"
"Dipping pine cones in glitter."
"Dipping pine..."
"YES! YES! YES! AND???"

It doesn't happen often, mismanagement of my time. I'm usually pretty good at balancing school and home life. It is the rare occasion that I forget there is "one more thing" to do and think for a rare moment that I have time to splurge on mindless wonders. Like dipping pine cones in glitter. I have learned now when that happens, to go over my notes, check every crevice of my textbooks, text a few of my classmates, just to make sure that I'm not missing something. I should have known better to sign up for the accelerated program. (We are cramming a two-year program into seven months.)

So I'm pretty tired. I'm longing for Thanksgiving Break with a vengeance, counting down the days and saying adios to each ticking second with small dolphin claps of victory. I'm such a sucker for downtime. And pumpkin pie.

I woke up this morning to the nastiest, coldest wind coming in from the northwest. It was the kind that freezes the snot in your nose immediately and you want to crawl back into the house like a blubbering wimp. By the time I got to my car, the tears had frozen to my mascara and I made up five new curse words that I'm thinking of submitting to Webster's. Most of you who have known me for a few years know that I am incredible hater of winter. I'm sorry to all of you winter-lovers but seriously??? I can't EVEN. I blame it on my lupus, as my joints ache anyways, but the cold air is big, fat, fluffy icing on the cake and it just HURTS. So it was no surprise when halfway there on the highway and the snow started coming down, passersby looked over and saw a crazy woman talking to herself at the wheel. The state highway patrolman even knew better to pull me over this morning because I wasn't having ANY of his malarcky either.

And one more thing...

CODING.

For those of you who don't know what CODING is, it is the numerical reference given to your condition when you reach the doctor's office, hospital, etc., so procedures and supplies can be properly billed to your insurance company. Lol. L.O.L. EL-OHH-ELLLLL!! I thought it was a simple little book that spells it all out for you. (Hey, I was a NURSE before, never on THIS side of the profession...) Let's just say there are THREE books, two and half inches thick each. Each full of four columns of small numbers so small that an ant would need bifocals to see them. So, L to the freaking O and L, this is going to be a interesting, to say the very least.

Ahhhh...venting feels good. Let me back up now and make sure I didn't miss anything...hmmm...no...got the forgotten report....the cold butt air...coding...looks like it's all there...OH! NOPE!!

I threw my back out of whack during the Ohio State game Saturday. Don't ask. I also choose not to explain.

But it's times like these that I need to remember to be thankful. It's so much easier to gripe and complain, but being thankful takes a conscious effort and that's truly why I am here. To remind myself that all those other things are just temporary and fleeting. I WILL graduate from school. I WILL see summer again. I WILL understand coding. I WILL probably forget another report or assignment...but it's not the end of the world.

When I look over at my husband sleeping peacefully in the recliner and I see the small lines that have formed on his face, but there is a tell-tell sign of a smile on his face, I cannot help but stare. The rhythmical rise and fall of his stomach means that he is HERE. With me. I catch myself crawling quietly beside him and draping his arm around my waist as I lay my head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. MY heart. MY husband. Mine. I am thankful that he has allowed me to be in his life.

When I think of all that we have created together, children, grandchildren, a home, all this love that keeps getting recycled and put into more things, it makes all of that complaining stuff so minor. The little arms of your grandchildren around your neck is there to warm you on these cold bitter days. The comforting tickle of your husband's breath on the back of your neck in bed after a hard day of work is enough to remind you that there are more things to smile about than frown over. It's the BIG PICTURE, people.

My challenge to you all is to find the silver lining in every situation. Go ahead and gripe but then remind yourself of something good that is in your life at this very moment. Tis the season to be thankful. (But shouldn't it ALWAYS be the season?? Shouldn't we always be thankful??)

Now, if you will excuse me, I forgot that I have a chapter in CIMO8 to do and thirty five questions to answer before tomorrow. DAAAAANG IT! Seriously???

I'm pretty tired....but at least I don't have this beard...YET.


God bless, Sparkies. You are loved.
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JADOMB 11/23/2014 12:58PM

    School is always hectic, and when one adds life to that, it can sometimes feel overwhelming. Just remember, that you are never alone in these endeavors. Folks did it before you, along with you and and in the future without you. Most of us totally understand where you are at and wish we could do something to help, but other than prayers and well wishing, it's all on you sweetie. But you can do it. Just take those short breaks when you can and BREATHE.

You are truly blessed and a blessing.

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RTFFJB70 11/20/2014 4:03AM

    Sorry the cold is affecting your Lupus. You are always welcome to visit me in CA! I grew up in WI as you know so I know the cold you are talking about. Can be pretty challenging, 'eh? Love how you focus on the positive and keeping it real and positive. And. love you!

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BKNOCK 11/19/2014 7:07PM

    thanks for the reminder! I have been very whiny lately. Just so tired of being sick! You are a blessing!

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AJDOVER1 11/19/2014 11:45AM

    It's such a blessing to know you. Thanks for sharing your life with us! I hope you enjoy every moment of your Thanksgiving break -- my classes continue on regardless of the holiday....

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SHARON10002 11/18/2014 11:10PM

    Sorry to hear that your Lupus is acting up due to the cold. My arthritis did the same thing. How about an inexpensive seat warmer for your car that plugs into the cigarette lighter? Bought one for DH a few years back, and he loved it!

Are you getting ready for your Powerpoint presentation with the coding? That sounds like a barrel of fun!!!

Loved the rant, immediately followed by such a soft lovely note!




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KAILYNSTAR 11/18/2014 1:34PM

    emoticon

I found myself this morning being grateful for a husband that is making sure things are okay. I left of a day job yesterday and I was in such a hurry that I didn't notice the oil I left behind where I was parked. Needless to say...the vehicle is in the shop, getting a looky and our mechanic said, "You are NOT taking that thing anywhere." (I'm grounded!) Not by my Mother, but my mechanic.

That's kind of funny.

Yes, always look at the silver lining, or the clouds will encroach on you.

You are doing great and I'm sure those pine cones look lovely. Along with the sparkles in your hair.

Hugs!

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NISSANGIRL 11/18/2014 7:26AM

    emoticon blog!!!! Let the countdown to Thanksgiving break begin! I needed to read this today, made me smile emoticon and u r right , we should a silver lining in everything we see! and ps I HATE WINTER TOO! have a wonderful day! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BLUEJAY1969 11/18/2014 6:32AM

    Awww - the husband thing really touched my heart as I am going through a period of being uber grateful to have my darling husband too! I had my laugh this morning at your wonderful way of putting the things that go wrong! You are a really amazing/amusing writer! I thank you for sharing!
emoticon
Jeanne

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CARTOONB 11/17/2014 11:44PM

    Two years in only seven months?!?! That is just plain crazy. So you should do great! emoticon

And I'm 100% with you - I HATE winter/cold. I don't have lupus, but I also don't have a heart to circulate the blood so that's my excuse! Ha!

Thanks for the reminder to be thankful. Hope you get some rest.

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MSHEL7 11/17/2014 11:23PM

    Another great blog. Sometimes I feel like you are writing from my head and my heart. Hope the weather and the studies don't get you down too bad. Could it be another Michelle thing-that winter hating stuff, cause I sure hate it too!

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FORZACHANDMATT 11/17/2014 9:04PM

    I love Forrest Gump references :) ((I gotta pee)

And I love this blog - your description of the bond between you and your husband made me tear us! And I often forget to look at the Big Picture so thanks for the reminder

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OLDERDANDRT 11/17/2014 8:37PM

    LOL!!!! You'd look funnier in that beard than Tom Hanks did, sweetie!!
You're doing great, though, you know? You are!!!!! I love these blogs of yours. You are so eloquent!! Even when writing about snot freezing in your nose and all manner of things!! hehe
I remember those winters in Pa. There are a handful of people there that I miss (a little), but I'll never go back there! Maybe a quick visit, but never to stay! The crazy weather is making my NC home pretty miserable these days, but thankfully we've not had any ice or snow (yet)! Just cold and this morning was wet!
Hang in there baby!!! Thanksgiving and break are coming!!! (((HUGS)))

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CHRISTINEBWD 11/17/2014 7:19PM

    emoticon It's the big picture indeed. Try to stay warm, the lupus is hard enough to deal with. Also I am sick of the snow already myself. Keep pushing through the code book (s) ugh!

emoticon Sending a sunny sky your way. :)

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KING_SLAYER 11/17/2014 5:56PM

    A monumental blog post to say the least. Well I'm glad that through it all you are able to see the good and be thankful for it. This is something I need to work on, most definitely. And stop messing around at football games and throwing your back out!

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And Plum Pudding...

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Most people don't know that I had rhotacism as a child. And it definitely sounds alot worse than what it is, lol, but it is the inability to pronounce the letter "R." Looking back now, I prefer to believe that I sounded like someone from Boston with their quaint rugged accent ("Oh, look at those boids flying so high, so GOIGOUS!") but it was a definite struggle. I endured four years of speech therapy from grades one to four...most of you who have spoken with me over the phone know that I don't talk that way now...and I have been told that I speak very well. But anyways, this leads me into what has been weighing on my mind.

I knew in grade school I had a problem. Maybe you can empathize with me when I say that I was terrified when I was given a speaking part in the first grade Christmas play. My mom worked with me, my sisters worked with me, to no exasperated avail. I went to my teacher, Mrs. Leach, and told her, through my tears, that I did not want to be in the play. I remember her looking at me sympathetically and then her face lit up...perhaps I could say ANOTHER line! What about, "And plum pudding!" I can't remember what the other student said that led into my line or the line that was to come after mine from another student, but to this day I remember MINE. I was so happy. No "Rs" and nothing to stop me from being embarrassed or ashamed!

I remember that morning. My classmates and I stood before the parents in their seats in that old school house and it was almost time for me to deliver. I was beside myself with giddiness and I was smiling from ear-to-ear. If there was ever a child so delirious with anticipation, it was me. And lo and behold, when it was my turn, I took a step forward, spread my little arms from side-to-side, looked toward the heavens and exclaimed, "AND PLUUUUUM PUDDING!!" I remember hearing the chuckling and seeing the smiles on the parent's faces. But the most beautiful thing I remember seeing is my mother, on the left, second row back, pulling her folded hands to her chest, tilting her head and smiling with pride.

But there were times after that I could not so easily "dodge" my "Rs." I was "forced" by my teachers and speech therapist to say them, slowly and methodically. Many times I was ridiculed by the other kids. Sometimes I would be upset, but most times it made me mad. So mad that I was determined to become the best "speaker" in the world. So for three and half years, three days after school, an hour at a time, I would work hard until finally...

"Rs" were conquered. They no longer controlled me. I controlled them. After that, I was in every school play, in the drama club and I was sought after to do plays in church, to sing, to testify...and now after so many presentations in college, I feel that I'm doing quite fine. But I never forgot that little girl who was terrified to do the first grade play. No, she is still in there, reminding me to keep pushing until I have mastered what it is I fear or feel that I cannot do. And this leads me to the next subject...

I was tempted to cry in the bathroom today at school. I was tempted to sign myself out and come home to a big bowl of ice cream to numb my feelings. But I didn't. This is why. Mrs. Wallace pulled me out of class this morning and spoke to me softly in her office. It was hard for her to tell me that I did not get the job at the school. She stated that it was not because I didn't deserve it, it was not because I didn't have what it takes, it was not because I could be "any better," but it was because a "heavy-hitter" with a degree in secretarial science walked in and woo-ed the superintendent right off his feet. I put my hand on her arm and thanked her for her belief in me. I thanked her for sticking her neck out for me. I thanked her for the opportunity. I smiled and told her that it meant the world to me that someone of her caliber, someone that I had the utmost respect for, wanted me to be beside her everyday. She told me to go before she cried. Then she hugged me. As I was turning to leave I heard her say, "I told him YOU were the one. You have the stuff." I thanked her again, blinked back my tears, and left to walk numbly back to class.

As I sat down silently at my chair in front of the computer, I suddenly remembered that little girl who proudly and loudly pronounced "And pluuuum pudding!" in front of the entire room.

Okay, so maybe I'm not ready to play with the "heavy-hitters" yet. Maybe I have to work towards that goal a little longer. Maybe I have to theoretically cross my "Ts" and dot my "Is" to get where I want to be, along with the other hard work that comes along with it. And just like Mrs. Leach, my first grade teacher, Mrs. Wallace saw something within me, a fire, a desire, to be the best at everything I wanted to be. I could run from the letdown, I could decide to slack off and become a mediocre student. OR I could be that little girl who turned a disappointment into a grand production. An Emmy. A Golden Globe. I could SHINE.

Straightening my back, I opened up my textbook and looked at my next assignment. As I wrestled with Microsoft concepts I felt a slight tap on my shoulder...

Mrs. High School?

"Would you be interested in doing a presentation for Medical Terminology class? I'm not asking."
Nodding, I smiled at her and asked her what she had in mind.
"A PowerPoint on the Endocrine System. Yes, it's a difficult chapter. But that's precisely why I want you to do it. The students respond well to you."
"Okay." Smiling.
"Thank you. You speak so articulately. You are a joy to watch."

Hmmmm...

Plum pudding. Never had it.

But I OWN IT.

Have a beautiful Thursday evening, friends. You are loved.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHARON10002 11/13/2014 11:59PM

    Oh my gosh! I felt as though you were sitting right next to me and confiding your most innermost feelings in this story to me. Some how I can just see you with your arms outstretched in your cute little dress, and letting every bit of you come forth to emanate all that wonderful loving, joyful, personality that is you!

I am so sorry that you did not get the job, Michelle. emoticon I agree with Mrs. Wallace wholeheartedly. emoticon I too believe that there is a much better job that is waiting just for you; one that will challenge you in ways that you welcome, and one that will give you a feeling of accomplishment and contentment at the end of the day, and one that will make you shine!

emoticon on the Medical Terminology powerpoint presentation! I have no doubt you will present it in a way that many of your classmates will remember just as you remember "and there was plum pudding!"




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BKNOCK 11/12/2014 4:31PM

    Great blog, sorry you did not get the job. It just means that there is something better out there waiting for you! emoticon

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HERFRANK 11/6/2014 2:06PM

    Your story brought tears to my eyes. I feel blessed to have you as an Sparkfriend! You are an inspiration! Your story is so articulated that you should become a professional writer!!
I also want to share with you something that always keeps me focused: "When a window close, there's a door ready to be open somewhere else"
I know that what I'm going to tell you will sound weird... Cherish this moment, memorize your feelings now. They will help you later. A newcomer, flashing his background might have won this round, granted. But you have the leverage because you know your territory. It's ok to cry a little, feel bummed for a minute or so, but you are stronger than you think. Make this part of your "life experience"
BTW... I'm proud of you. Makes me proud to have you in my SP friend list!
Keep it up!!!!
Good luck with your presentation!

a tip... If you want, talk a little bit about Greline as a "hungry trigger hormone" and how Bariatric surgery (specifically Sleeve Gastrectomy) is considered an "endocrine Surgery"
God Bless
Frank emoticon emoticon


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BLUEJAY1969 11/3/2014 12:39AM

    As always, I enjoyed your blog immensely! I am sorry you didn't get the job but maybe it is going to leave you open for something even more terrific! I truly believe in that concept!
emoticon
Jeanne

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AJDOVER1 11/1/2014 11:00PM

    Thank you for sharing this with us. Knowing you is such a gift! emoticon

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OLDERDANDRT 10/31/2014 2:55PM

    Sweetie, you should've told your teacher about that elementary teacher when thanking her! You have 2 fabulously memorable teachers in your corner!! So, it all boils down to.........you can do anything....ANYTHING...you want!! You have what it takes and your schooling is just going to open many more doors for you! Way to go, gf!!
Have another glorious day, today, Michelle!! (((HUGS)))

Happy Halloween!

Boo!!

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KAILYNSTAR 10/31/2014 12:42PM

    It's amazing how a childhood memory can trigger a boost beyond words.

I'm so sorry you didn't get the job. I guess in a sense, you're still looking for that plum in the plum pudding.

You are an amazing person. There are times that a person is impressed with credentials, then there are times when a person is impressed by personality.

Next interview you go to. SHINE. Be you. Be the person you are. Don't be timid, coy or nervous. Walk in like you belong.

That is very impressive.

If I could wrap my arms around you and your child within...I would give you the biggest, warmest and loving hug.

Take care of yourself. Study hard and get that degree.

Hugs.

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FLEMIDG 10/31/2014 12:57AM

    Sorry to hear about the job. You would have been great at it. Good for you to have such a wonderful attitude about it. You will find something better. Your teacher seems to think you have it in spades. You will knock em dead. I'm rooting for you.

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JADOMB 10/31/2014 12:07AM

    I am so glad that you conquered your fears and strengthened your weaknesses. Whether you had inspiration, guidance or whatever, in the end, it was YOU that did it. By the way, I love listening to my little kids with their slight speech impediments or individualisms. It makes them just so much cuter. I know many of them get pulled out of class for speech therapy and I hope it helps them to feel better and do better. But when they are in my classes, I do my best to help the shy or self-conscious ones out of their shells and to show all the others that they are just as good as all the rest in whatever they do. Although they may have to work harder at it than others at times. Keep it up, I have no doubt that great things will come your way due to all your hard work.

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CARTOONB 10/30/2014 11:33PM

    You own it! I'm proud of you.

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WALLAHALLA 10/30/2014 10:46PM

    Sorry about the job. In my school district it is rarely the most qualified that is hired. It is most often someone who has ties to a board member or administrator. Unfortunately, I work with some extremely incompetent people, but they will always have a job because of their last name.

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KNEEMAKER 10/30/2014 9:02PM

  Yepper you shore are awesome! Keep on keeping on! emoticon

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MSHEL7 10/30/2014 7:22PM

    Way cool about Mrs. High Schools comments, sorry about the job though, I know you would have done well at it. I love your story about your little self. So cute and what a lesson learned. It's amazing how such a small thing can change us so much.

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