Sunday, July 13, 2014
My concession (and confession) blog.
Hello my spark friends. Warning-this could be long and pathetic. For the past 5 weeks I have been in a friendly competition with my wonderful spark friends Maxynne and Michelle. This competition was my idea and the intent was to try to lose as close to 5% of our weight by today's date. The person who lost the least amount would have to write a blog explaining why and post a day of selfie. Again, my bright idea. I really thought this would motivate me and I started out pretty revved up, losing 1.5 in my first week. Then I just stalled. I lost 2.5
of the 10 lbs I was aiming/hoping for. So here I am writhing this blog as the loser of the competition and not the loser of the pounds.
Oh I have all sorts of reasons (which I realize equal excuses). The biggest one is my new job which I started in January. This was a huge move for me and in order to get that job I needed to take an off shift position. Well, I have adjusted to the job itself, but not the schedule. I never anticipated how much of an effect that schedule would have on my life. I really feel I am totally defeated by this work schedule. No matter how much I say I am not going to let it get the best of me, it is getting the best of me. I just haven't figured out how to make it work. I am gone at work 2pm-12am 3 nights a week. On those nights it takes me hours to settle down and get to bed, usually force myself to go to bed at 2am. On the nights I am off, I have the same schedule. I am wired until 2am. I can honestly say I have not been to bed before midnight since starting this job 6 mos ago. I am naturally a night person but had gotten into a nice routine of sleeping from 11:30-7:30 back when I was working day shift. Now I am either losing sleep if I get up early with the kids or staying in bed and sleeping until after 10 (because it's summer vacation). By the time I get up I have no energy, desire or time left in the morning to get my workout in. The kids are ready to go and do stuff. I used to work out right after getting them to school from 9:30-10:30. I don't know. I just feel defeated. It has messed up my family's routine too. It is harder to have organized dinners together. My DH misses me and needs more attention when i am home (he is needier than my 3 boys put together). I feel much more guilty if I am on the computer when we are all home together because it happens less often. Hence, my spark time has suffered. I also must mention that I have been late night snacking after work which is never good. I use the excuses- I didn't eat dinner tonight or I need stress relief or just to settle down. Ugh! Sometimes I do not track those after midnight calories. Yup, I am in pretty deep here folks.
Summer vacation has always been tough for me too having the 3 kids home. I find it hard to keep any kind of work out schedule. However this time last year I was in such a great groove and I found a way to work out 4 days a week most weeks. I am in such a slump right now. I haven't felt like the athlete I was feeling like last year. I am turning 39 this week and am not thrilled about it. I think it's because my #1 goal is (notice I didn't say "was") to be fit by 40. I feel like I was heading in that direction but have gotten way off track at this point. Another major issue has been my back muscle issues. For some reason this has been a rougher year than last year as far as aggravating it. It has stopped me dead in my tracks and has put me out for at least a week at a time. It's hard to stay in a groove when you have a nagging injury. I have been dealing with this for 7 years but this year has been one of the toughest with that (physically and mentally).
The bottom line is I am a bit lost and in a pretty negative space right now. I apologize for those of you who are still listening to my venting/pity party here. But thank you. I so appreciate your kind words, advise, support, comradery, friendship, love, etc...... I am not and will not give up. I will simply re-think, re-plan and re-focus. A day shift position just opened up and I have put in for a transfer. It is very unlikely I will get it due to my lack of seniority but I had to try. I am praying that works out but if not, I will figure this out. I may have to make drastic changes and flip a switch so to speak but I've got to do something. I am looking forward to going camping next week and getting away from everything. I am sure I will be keeping busy with my family and friends but I am also sure I will have some quiet time to think things over.
Please take the time to stop by my co-competitors' (MOMINE and MSHEL7) pages to congratulate them on their awesome weight losses over the past 5 weeks! They have worked so hard and have earned it big time! Michelle has lost 8.8lbs, only 1.2 shy of her 5% goal which she will probably get this week at the rate she's going! I don't have the final numbers for Maxynne yet but I believe she lost 5% or came really darn close. I hope they post their results on their feed for all to see!
Lastly! Here is my (still smiling) selfie! Me and my bright ideas!