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I Need to Vent...

Monday, September 24, 2012

After her sudden death follwed by a difficult life of health struggles, the responsibility of being the primary caregiver of her elderly father Ronald became mine. Since he could not live independently, he moved into my home. Since she died in late August, I have not been to the gym except once because of his dementia.

There was an incident when he would not go to sleep at night. He kept coming out of his bed and looked for the stove to turn on because he used to be a professional cook. He kept wanting to leave my house because he wanted to go home. When I reminded him that he lived with me now, he said he wanted to be anywhere but in my home. I stayed up all night sitting in front of his bedroom door, repeatedly urging him to stay and go back to bed.

I am afraid to go to the gym and leave him home alone because I am afraid he would just walk out the door. I have a home security alarm system and religiously turn it on because my house was burglarized a couple of months ago. One morning while I was asleep I heard the warning beep of my alarm because he opened a door in an attempt to just leave. I talked to his other daughter Lisa about my concerns. Her response was to just leave him home anyway or to take him to the gym with me. So one day I took him to the gym, asked him to sit in the lobby to wait for me while I took a kickboxing class. Afterwards I panicked a little as he wandered around looking for the bathroom. That was fine. However, he started telling me loudly in the lobby how certain gym participants were so fat that they should have started going to the gym months ago...

Over the weekend he stayed at Lisa's home (same town as mine) while I went on a short weekend getaway to attend a food festival with one of my siblings' family. As I dropped him off, I asked Lisa about the status of acquiring a social worker for senior services for Ronald. Her response was, "Oh, so YOU decided to move him into a senior home?!" I detailed some of the struggles I have had caring for him. She replied that before his other daughter's death, she used to take him grocery shopping with her, and it was just a normal procedure for store employees to page her on the loud speaker about her wandering father.

Yes, I understand that before Ronald and his late daughter moved into their own apartment a year and a half ago, Lisa took them into her home and let them live with her and her husband for a year. Finally after a year, she had to find an apartment for Ronald and his disabled daughter because it was beginning to strain her marriage. Right after Lisa passed away, it was clear that the only immediate thing for Ronald to do was to move into my home. Yesterday Lisa apologized for being short with me. I wanted to tell her that she and her late sister may have had their way of caring for Ronald, but I am different. They may feel it was okay to just leave him home alone, but not me. I feel that his condition has rapidly deteriorated, and I did not feel comfortable leaving him home alone or letting him wander around supermarkets.

This afternoon I asked Ronald what he wanted for lunch. He replied, "Ice cream." I asked if he wanted to have a sandwich or some pasta before ice cream. He snapped, "I said I want ice cream, and that's all I want. If I can't have it, then I just won't eat anything!" I understand he suffers from dementia, but his bad attitude and rudeness is still hard to take.

I wanted to shout to Lisa that SHE is his daughter, not me. I am just an extended family member...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JLITT62 9/25/2012 6:27AM

    My FIL has dementia . . . you need help, plain & simple (and quite frankly I don't think he should be your responsibility). Put your foot down. Or just do it. Because believe me, you can't do this alone. And can his daughter maybe care for him at times so you can get a break?

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BEFIT014 9/24/2012 6:06PM

    First off, BIG emoticon to you for taking in a person with dementia. I know that can't be easy.

I agree with you that he should never be left alone. You wouldn't leave a child alone in the house.

Bless you for taking on such a responsibilty emoticon

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ALIDOSHA 9/24/2012 5:20PM

    Such tragic situations are extremely stressful and pose a dilemma without a favorable choice...

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Peace and Guidance

Monday, August 27, 2012

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. óJohn 16:33

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CJJANISS 8/30/2012 3:17PM


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BEFIT014 8/27/2012 5:50AM


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She's Gone...

Sunday, August 26, 2012

I blogged about "The Prospect of Losing Her" in April 201o. Tonight that was no longer just a prospect, but a sudden sad reality. She's gone...

Since her fall that disabled her in January 2010, she has been hospitalized numerous times with serious infections. Yesterday she was taken to the hospital, and we anticipated it would be a similar episode. A few days of hospitalization, and she would be home with her father again.

This afternoon while on my way to my brother's house to celebrate my nephew's second birthday, I received an urgent call from her sister that the doctor asked about her DNR. There was a 90% likelihood that she would not make it. A few hours later I received a call from another sister that she has been taken off the respirator, and she didn't have much more time. I rushed back to find her two sisters by her bedside sobbing. Her brother and brother-in-law sat in silence. They had been with her for hours and desperately needed a dinner break. Her brother and I remined by her side.

Not soon after I noticed her breathing became even shallower. Her brother held her hand as I watched her take her last breath. She was gone...

Right now my mind is blank. I don't want to think about the past. I don't want to think of the challenges ahead. Right now I am just going to surrender to the quiet and let my mind be blank...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PLAYFULLKITTY 8/28/2012 7:11AM

    My thoughts are with you.

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BEFIT014 8/26/2012 6:08AM

    I am sorry for your loss! emoticon

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BABIE_JANE 8/26/2012 5:20AM

    Hugs to you. I am sorry for the loss and for your pain.

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JLITT62 8/26/2012 5:17AM

    I am so sorry for your loss.

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EOWYN2424 8/26/2012 2:21AM

    My deepest condolences to you!

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Take Charge of Your Own Destiny

Saturday, December 03, 2011

It has been a long time since the last time I blogged. Earlier today I was so moved by a CNN segment that I just had to share. If a man who received a non-treatable cancer diagnosis just days after running his first marathon at age 62 can go on to run 60 more marathons in the seven years since, what are MY excuses?

I was especially moved by his advice for those facing what seem like insurmountable odds: "Take charge of your own destiny, and never give up hope." Such an inspirational man!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YOBOELI 10/15/2012 7:45AM

    That was such an inspiring story

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JUSTDUCKY1405 1/1/2012 10:44AM

    Great share! Thanks so much for doing so! Take care!

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TEXASFILLY 12/17/2011 7:55AM

    God bless Don Wright! What an inspiration! The Good Lord does work miracles. Thank you for sharing, dear heart~ *hugs* BB~ emoticon emoticon

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DENESTIA 12/14/2011 10:54AM

    Great advice!

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NOMI_822 12/6/2011 9:05PM

    Start, OMG I pick today to get on and start back and what do I find but this message. I just came to the same conclusion. My dad always said you get what you give and he never believed in fate. He said fate was for the losers who were afraid to admit that they could be wrong. It is about making decisions and having the courage to take responsibility if you make one incorrectly. I have been spending way too much time blaming everything on someone or something else when If one thing doesn't work out you rethink it and make another choice. I've really missed you, thanks for being here. emoticon

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OUTOFIDEAS 12/5/2011 12:29AM

    Wow! Thanks for calling this one to our attention!

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BABIE_JANE 12/4/2011 1:07AM

    Thank you for sharing. Good to see you here again.

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JLITT62 12/3/2011 9:31PM

    It really is amazing what some people can dig down & do!

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Be Kind to Yourself

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

"Me and You" by She & Him

Well, I'm back in your good graces again
Remember when you told me that I was your only friend?
Well, you've made the best of this life
Where you never knew one day from the next
Dig your heels in, little girl, put'em to the test

You've got to be kind to yourself
You've got to be kind to yourself

Well, I heard you had the blues again
It seems like all those little things add up in the end
Well, I know that you worry a lot about things you can't control
There are so many things we'd like to have, but we just cannot hold

You've got to be kind to yourself
You've got to be kind to yourself
You've got to be kind to yourself
You've got to be kind to yourself...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SM-ARTGIRL 9/24/2011 11:56AM

    Oh thank you for the reminder!!!

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HUGS2013 9/9/2011 2:31PM

    Great to see you Start! emoticon emoticon Great song and good lyrics, thanks for sharing!
Being kind to yourself is a good place to strart! You are a good person and you will reach your goals one day at a time! You are worth the effort! Big Hugs! emoticon emoticon

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BABIE_JANE 9/7/2011 11:23PM

    Nice to see you name pop up again. I hope things are good with you. emoticon

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EOSTAR_45 9/7/2011 4:20PM

    Hi stranger! Long time, nice to see you peep in. That was a great song--loved both the lyrics and sound. Thanks for sharing!

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    Good to hear from you.
I haven't blogged in ages. i don't know where the time goes!!


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