STARRY_NIGHT63   2,831
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Trying to find my way back

Sunday, February 21, 2010

This is my first blog entry in a looong time. To be honest I don't even remember the last time I was on SparkPeople. However, what I do remember is how bad I've been doing on my quest to lose weight. I have realized how being accountable (even if only logging on a few times a week) can really make a difference. When I was using SparkPeople before I went from around 155 to 149, but I felt like nothing was really working, I couldn't seem to make myself stay focused enough to follow the rules and thus I remained at 149. Well I can do fine on my own, I thought, plus I'm busy and don't have time to constantly log on and track food and exercise. Well I was flat out WRONG. I am now 156.4 pounds, which is 1.6 pounds higher than last time I started.

I may be busy and now working full time but I can't keep using it as an excuse because obviously it have gotten me nowhere except in a worse position. I am hoping to get back on track and this time stick with SparkPeople even if the going gets tough. I feel like I've hit rock bottom (again) and am tired of feeling sorry for myself, and feeling guilty because I brought this upon myself. I am going to lost this weight because:
I DO NOT want to be embarrassed of how I look in a bathing suit come summer.
I DO NOT want to look in the mirror and want to cry.
I DO NOT want to be the chubby friend.
I DO NOT want people to look surprised when I tell them I used to be the flyer on the cheerleading team.
I DO NOT want to avoid shopping for clothes because I can't stand that I can no longer even fit a leg into size 5/7 jeans.

So in order to do this I have come up with a game plan:

emoticonStep 1: Relearn the basics
-I am completely restarting the Spark program from day 1 to relearn the basics I skipped over or have forgotten.

emoticonStep 2: Start regularly exercising
-I am going to start a couch to 5K program which I installed an app for on my iphone (it has it set up into a week by week program and tells you when to run and when to walk while your music is playing. How cool is that??)
-I started doing walking dates with my mom. (We live 4.5 hours away but we both need to exercise so we set a time and date, then call each other and talk while we walk in separate cities)

emoticonStep 3: Reminding myself to cook
-Start making my own meals (With work I constantly eat out or pick something up on my way home because I'm so tired) and planning a weekly eating schedule.

After these steps who knows where it will lead but the most important thing to be is relearning the basic, fundamental way to get myself back on a healthy lifestyle track. I appreciate all suggestions, feedback and helpful tidbits :) Also if anyone is Tallahassee would like to go walking together I'd definitely be up for a walking partner just sparkmessage me if you're interested!!

emoticon K

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTALUM 5/29/2010 8:11PM

    This is great news! I've fallen off the wagon sooo many times that I literally have lost count. I have two pieces of advice. First, take baby steps and focus on the small victories. If you take on too much you won't hit your goals and want to quit. Second, if you can, switch to drinking water during the week. I drink from a water bottle during the day and have cranberry juice with dinner. On the weekends I still drink water, but allow myself to have some Ginger Ale or Sprite if I want. Drinking more water and less soda (even diet) helped me shed some weight quickly.


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GOOZLEBEAR 2/21/2010 6:18PM

    Looks like you really have a good plan since you are specific about the different things that you want to accomplish. I'm proud of you and I know you can do it this time. I'm also reading your blog and needing to apply it to myself also. Thanks for sharing.
Sandi emoticon emoticon

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CHRISTAN6 2/21/2010 10:15AM

    I am happy to here that you are getting back on track and have a plan to do that. It is hard to keep track of your nutrition and fitness but you have got to find the time for yourself. Others tell me this too and I am working hard to do it. Hang in there !

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trouble goal

Friday, September 11, 2009

My biggest trouble/set back is staying on track with eating. No matter what I do I can never stick with it. I try to plan out meals but still deviate. I try not to go out but I'm tired and don't feel like cooking so I do. I've tried buying easy to cook meals but I still end up going out. It's so frustrating. And everyone says track it all or make a meal plan for the whole week, but those don't work either! I don't know about other people, but tracking all your food in the meal planner is a pain for me. I make new things all the time and I don't have the time to put it all in as a recipe or add it individually, especially when I don't always measure what I put in. I use a lot of veggies and I know how much the sauce (or whatever) needs so why should I measure? Its a pain to have to figure out whether I normally use a 1/2 cup or 1/4 and what if its neither? I've also tried just writing in down in a notebook but half the time I'm to busy and forget to write it down. So I know my problem I just don't know how to fix it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLADY326 9/11/2009 10:36PM

    The previous comments left are very true. Planning is key. How I know practicing what we preach is very different or easier said than done.

I had the problem of planning. I kept thinking, I will really work at the "healthy living" journey once I get my meals planned out for the week. Well, that never happened, cause by the time I finished Sparking with my Teams. Playing Solitaire Mahjong was more fun and inviting to me than planning a weeks' worth of meals. So I kept putting off starting my "healthy living" journey. Figuring I can't start it without my planning.

Then I said to myself. "I am going about this wrong." I need to start thinking about this thing as "One Day At a Time". And quite looking at the big picture and how long it's going to take or everything that I'm going to have to do to make it happen. One Day At A Time thinking is less stressful and less overwhelming.

1. First thing I did is go thru my cupboards and refrigerator and pull everything that I knew would be a problem for me. I restocked with things that I knew I could eat and that were good for me.

2. Then the night before, I would only plan for the next day. (One Day At A Time) I only focused on what I was going to eat or take out of the freezer for the next day.

I know again all of this is easier said than done. And it's easier for people like me, that don't work out of the home, to use the trackers and enter everything when it comes to food and exercise. But Planning Again, is the KEY. ONE DAY AT A TIME, not the whole week or the whole picture.

And, old habits are hard to break, new ones are sometimes harder to make. We didn't get like this overnight, so it's going to take time to overcome these challenges and move forward. BUT YOU CAN DO IT, I KNOW YOU CAN!! emoticon

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STEPHANEFANY 9/11/2009 11:24AM

    Leepfrog95 is right. It's not easy and life does throw things at you but making planning a priority works. You could try tracking and planning for a few days to start with and then see how that goes. Maybe 2 or 3 weekdays and then 1 weekend's a place to start. Good luck to you!! emoticon

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LEEPFROG95 9/11/2009 10:00AM have to fix you planning.....Making planning the key will help...

Have need to re train your thinking I did it helped are doing this for you right ??? then in planning your meals is part of it.....making time to do things for you ....right now old HABIT's are winning... the easy way out... but change is your choice....

after re-reading this I sound like a mean mom that not what I wanted to do sorry if it sounds that way...
habits are one of those things it take every day to work on changing...into routines....

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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My new motivation

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I first want to thank everyone who commented on my previous blog. Everyone was so much help, gave great tips, and made me want to try harder. I stayed on track yesterday with food and exercise until the very end of the day. I had some friends over to play poker and had a couple of beers but I didn't over indulge so I was super proud of myself. I've come to realize I can't give up everything I like, and the more I try to the more I get frustrated and give up. As many people said I need to do moderation. I don't have the willpower like others where I can completely give up my chicken wings on Sundays with Lorena or having a few beers with poker. What I need to do is have my occasionally indulges and then just hit the gym extra. Everything has a consequence so if I want my wings I get to go to the gym. The more I pressure myself to be perfect, the higher chance I'll fail. I need to accept right now (at the beginning) I can't give those things up now. I know now is the best time to do it but when it's leading me to failure because of guilt and frustration then I'm going to try and do this my way.

I also decided after looking at other people's pages I need a definite source of motivation. I needed to find a picture of what I'm working toward. Now I'd love to look like Angelina Jolie or Jessica Alba but I don't have their itty bitty hips to begin with. I always had a boy till I hit late high school and into college. So now I have huge love handles (well it feels that way to me). And around my hips is where I tend to hold my weight. I still can fit into medium shirts and occasionally smalls, but when it comes to jeans my size leaps up. So instead of picking someone who is stick straight, I went for Beyonce as my motivation. She has shown that you can have have wider hips, but still be in great shape and look awesome. I want to lose the excess love handle weight and then tone up like she has. I put her picture on my spark page and am going to print it out and put it on my bulletin board to remind myself what I can, no what I WILL, look like!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTALUM 9/1/2009 10:01PM

    Just take it one day at a time and you'll make it!

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TAKEONME48137 8/13/2009 3:51PM

    Congrats on the new motivation! I hope it works out for you. Just remember that even if you slip off for a bit, the important thing is how you recover. Are you just going to wallow in self pity? or are you going to say "alright, I screwed up, but next I'm going to do better"? Taking small steps is super important, so if you eat chips and salsa on an outing and then if you refuse them the next outing, give yourself kudos for small successes such as that. Eventually they'll lead to larger successes and overall awesomeness! =)

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JHADZHIA 8/13/2009 2:33PM

    That is a great motivation! Unfortunately, women were designed to clunk on all their weight at the hips and thighs. I started getting into medium shirts as well while being stuck in 16-18 pants :(. You can't deny things that give you pleasure in eating, that's for sure. You'd get off the diet in no time. I find I can usually work my way around a sinful meal by watching the calories I eat before the meal. Eating high protein, low calorie works good. Veggies and fruits are so low calorie you can fill up with them and have plenty of room for a good fat meal later :) The only thing I have to do is stay away from the buffets and I am good.
I wish you continued success with your goal!

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CUTIEFUL024 8/13/2009 1:30PM

    im glad you're feeling more motivated. ive also made a similar decision... im no longer completely cutting all of my favorite things out. Going out for dinner or drinks a couple times a week is the HIGHLIGHT of my week, why would i want to completely change that? Everything is ok in moderation, and I am willing to see slower progress in order to have a little bit of my life back. im sick of tracking and obsessing so much.. Ive been lagging getting to the gym this week but hopefully i will find some more motivation soon!

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How do you do it?? Help me!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Again and again and again I seem to give up. I've been on sparks for over two months and I've accomplished nothing. I cannot stay on track to save my life. I splurge every weekend and cannot stay focused or accountable. I tried to say I'll post measurements every week or two weeks and I've done it once. I never want to go to the gym and force my self to go for walks with my outdoors group just to get some exercise. I still need to do a motivation chart but I'm not motivated to do it. It's so much easier just to say f*@k it. I don't want to weigh this much, I really don't. I look in the mirror and am so disappointed. But what disappoints me more is I still don't stick to the plan even though I hate how I look. So my question is how do others do it??? How you you keep on track and not fall off? How do you not splurge when you go out with friends? Do just avoid bars or what? What makes you go an exercise? I know some people will say just sheer willpower but no offense I need a little more than that because right now my willpower is nonexistent. Even when I do exercise I want to give up after like ten minutes. I'm so frustrated! And I'm the worst at making excuses. Oh I'm moving and burning calories moving boxes so it's ok to go to Burger King. So then all my hard word doesn't even show because I ate back all the calories. Lately I've been so tired I don't want to cook, and haven't tired a new spark recipe in forever. Please I need some advice. I feel like I need someone around 24-7 to keep me on track. I have some spark buddies on here but we never seem to stay in consistent contact, partially due to me. But I don't want to bug them and then if I don't hear from them I assume they are busy too. Is there anyone out there who will e-mail me everyday to report in? I promise if you e-mail me personally (not on Sparkmail) I will answer. I have an iphone so I can answer whenever and where ever. I really need some help here :(

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAKEONME48137 8/12/2009 4:39PM

    I've been fairly heavy since my early teenage years, and only when I got to college did I really want to lose weight. However, I would start something, i.e. going to the gym and sorta eating better, and then I would start making excuses that I was too tired and such to go to the gym so what started as skipping single days turned into multiple days and so on....a few months ago, something in me clicked and I finally decided to put my mind towards this goal and joined SP. A few times I've "fallen off," but over time I've grown to learn quite a bit and I find that reading the spark articles (one from a different section each day up to 3) helps A LOT.

As for staying on track, I think i've somewhat turned my eating into a game: see how well I can fit my calories, fat, etc. into the ranges it gives me. By doing this, I am challenging myself in a sorta playful way to come up with creative ways to meet my calories and at the same time don't go over.

"How do you not splurge when you go out with friends?" To tell you the truth, I have a really hard time not splurging when I go out with friends. The best thing you can do is to try to limit the amount of times you go out to eat per week. If you've reached your max limit (I set myself to 3 times per week) and you still want to go hang with your friends, try eating something beforehand or make a conscious decision to eat well while you're out.

"Do just avoid bars or what?" Nope. I personally don't drink that often and when I do, not gonna lie, I drink to excess (i.e. get drunk). Limit yourself to maybe one, maybe two nights a week at a bar/club/whatever.

"What makes you go an exercise?" My favorite meal of the day is dinner. As silly as it sounds and because I work out after work, I somehow manage to convince myself that dinner will be my reward if I go exercise. Some days (like today), I feel totally wiped out from the day that I'm taking the day off. However, that means that I have to go Friday which is usually one of my days off. It's the small agreements and pseudo rewards that keeps me going.

The key to the food stuff is moderation. I think I would go nuts if I didn't indulge in a cheeseburger every once in a while or have a night to unwind with some alcoholic beverages, but you really cannot go overboard.

I know what you mean about being so tired that you don't want to cook. Maybe you can try to buy foods that are easy to make, heat up, etc. On those nights I'm like that, I either make myself a sandwich, heat up some soup, or heat up a black bean burger (healthier and quite tasty!). Frozen vegetables are also really easy to cook in the microwave and only take like 4 minutes. There are also allll sorts of foods out there that are easy to heat up or just require putting into the microwave, so if you'd like some suggestions, I can provide those to you.

I know it also sounds really cliche, but willpower is basically the way that people are able to stick with this. Without something deep inside or something else (I know some people who are trying to lose weight/get healthy for their kids) triggering that motivation, no one can do anything. Someone might e-mail you everyday to check in with you, but you can easily ignore them, regardless of your intentions. Find the thing that will motivate you because unfortunately, sometimes people can't be enough.

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MUSLIMAH05 8/12/2009 3:07PM

    Hey thanks for the comment on my blog. I have a few words for you regarding your blog.
I kind of feel the same way, like I need someone ontop of me to keep me going. I'll start out strong for like 2 weeks and then fall off. But honestly it's about being real with yourself. I've read in many books about accountability and prioritizing. The truth of the matter is that when we shirk of health/weightloss plans, it's just that, it's not that important to us at the moment. Not that it's not important at all, but that going to Burger King and enjoying a Whopper or whatever is more important at the moment. When you decide to make it the priority, that's when you'll start to see the changes.
Do things you like for exercise, take a dance class for instance. I weigh in on Thursdays, if you want to report to me via text messages, I will do that with you.
When I splurge and fall off track, I probably stay there for a few days, but then I decide it's more important to lose the weight now, instead of waiting till I'm 300 lbs, like one of the posters commented. I have my super sexy picture of myself (from the good old days) on my treadmill to motivate me - what I'm running toward. And I imagine what I don't want to look like and up the speed and pretend I'm running away from it. Sounds silly, but it works!

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ILEFTSP 8/12/2009 1:36PM

  I was a high school cheerleader, too! And when I was your age, I weighed about at the same place you are, and I thought I was SO fat and out of shape. What I wouldn't pay to be back there now!
If I could go back and do things over--'cause I'm over 300 pounds now--I would've made more of a commitment of exercise and surrounding myself of like-minded individuals. Don't make my mistake of getting to an extreme state of's never too early to change your life-style for the better!

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KKS_87 8/12/2009 1:24PM

    Nope...definitely not alone! Actually, this is the story of my life haha

The major thing that motivates me is that after I start to see results I want to keep it up. Results for me happen in as little as a day or two - my stomach doesn't hurt and my energy level increases. The first few days to a week are the hardest - you have to force yourself to keep going. I find with exercising that if I just force myself to put on workout clothes and head out for a walk, I hate it at first but after 20 or 30 minutes I'm loving it and want to keep going. Don't put pressure on yourself to run 5 miles or something like that right away - start slow and work up to it!

As for food...don't put pressure on yourself in that area either! If you are short on time, don't feel like you have to try a new recipe or cook a complicated meal. Some of my favorite easy foods are yogurt, tuna w/lite miracle whip or mustard, oatmeal, lean cuisine-type frozen dinners (sparingly - high in sodium!), pre-cooked frozen chicken you can heat up and throw on a salad, or eat with a side of veggies, baked or microwaved sweet potatos (so good you don't even really need butter or anything!). Also, Wok stir-fry pans are fun because you can throw in half a bag of frozen veggies, chicken or tofu and some spices and voila, awesome meal!

Try to plan ahead for going out with friends. Make a plan of attack if you know where you are going to eat, and stick to it. I read on another person's Spark blog a while back that every time you do something, you strengthen your "resistance muscle", and it gets easier to say no to that bowl of chips or dessert after dinner.

Most importantly - don't beat yourself up if you slip! Just vow to do better the next day and then do it!

Hope this helps! :)

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DANIELWIFEY 8/12/2009 1:18PM

    Something that has always worked for me is it involve my friends in my workouts/healthy habits. Instead of meeting for coffee, I'll suggest a water walk (there are lots of trails and parks near where I live). For a while, a particular friend and I did it every week. We even did it together in different cities via cellphone. It was a really fantastic motivator.

In terms of bars/going out, I usually get in less trouble because I get roped into driving. I am a really crummy driver naturally, so I won't even have a single drink and drive. So normally when I go out, I drink water, or maybe a diet coke. And everyone loves me because I drive.

Personally, I'm not one for classes, or the gym. I tend to hard workouts at home, because otherwise I feel awkward. You just have to find what works best for you.

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JULIANAM 8/12/2009 1:04PM

    You are not alone! Even though I am currently eating well I am always nervous that I will get a craving and completely let myself go. I have found that going to group classes encourages me to exercise because I have to be there at a specific time and I won't leave in the middle. As far as eating I usually get sick of feeling gross and bloated and when I start to eat healthy I can feel the changes even if I don't lose weight. I am always on my computer so feel free to email me daily!! My email is, it would help to have a partner in this!! Good luck! Lemme know if you need motivation :)

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JENNYBOGGAN 8/12/2009 12:15PM

    I feel your pain! Honestly, you are the only one who can make the change. Come to terms with yourself and realize that cutting back on some of the things you need to do to reach your goal is not forever. You have to start somewhere and once you gain that control then you can ease back into doing things like going out. However, the difference is you'll be more knowledgeable and if you've made some progress then you won't want to screw it up! Buy some cute jeans or a dress that you want to fit into and work at it.

An exercise tip...mix it up! Put on some good tunes! Join a class..they have so many different classes now. Find one that's right for you. You just have to do it. Get out of your slump and think about how much better you'll feel when you start losing weight!
emoticon Good luck!

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HEALTHNUT4EVER 8/12/2009 11:56AM

    I definitely had to give up the happy hours and going out all the time. I've really given up on restaurants in general. It doesn't matter if I order the healthiest thing on the menu, it still has way more calories that what I could make at home. I still go out every once in a while, but once I cut way back weightloss and eating healthy (including all my nutrients and staying in my ranges) got a lot easier. You could try having get togethers at home where you can control the food and drink and make sure every thing is low calorie.

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KAGOULET 8/12/2009 11:45AM

    Have you tried making some small changes first and working on them until they become second nature? Some examples:
1. Park at the end of the parking lot to walk further
2. Take the steps - I do this at work and actually started out just walking up one flight and then taking the elevator, progressed to walking up two flights, walking across the building and repeating until I got to my floor. I can now walk up all 8 flights, but am out of breathe so usually do the 2 and over plan.
3. Set one time aside during the day to journal your food intake - I like the nutrition tracker on Sparks for this.

After I did this for a couple of weeks, I would add things:

1. 10 minutes each morning with my Wii Mii doing yoga and the light aerobics. I am now up to 45 minutes during the week and an hour on the weekends running and walking.
2. Try making exercise fun. Go with friends to the mall and walk all the halls before and after doing some shopping.
3. Changing my eating habits. I began with breakfast, I made up three menus that I rotate. I added the menus to the nutrition tracker food groups so it is only the click of a button to enter them. I pack my lunch every day. Did the same with them - several choices that I added to the nutrition tracker. I keep a nutrition bar in my desk in case I can't wait for lunch or dinner. I added a salad to dinner but cut way back on the dressing. I hate diet dressing and would rather have less dressing than eat what I don't like. I also made substitutions in my diet for some foods. I buy 45 cal a slice bread or Arnold Sandwich rounds for my sandwiches. The Sandwich rounds work great for egg breakfast sandwiches, hamburgers, sloppy joes, etc. Since I like the taste of these products, I don't feel deprived. I buy leaner varieties of meat and eat more chicken. I don't like fish so I don't eat it. When eating at fast food places.

My weight loss has been steady but slow but I am telling myself that this is not a diet, it is a change in my lifestyle. I need to find what works for me without feeling deprived. If I don't reach my goal by doing this, than my goal wasn't reasonable for me. You need to find the things that will work with your schedules and build off of them as they become routine. Good luck to you. I am only halfway to my goal but if I can do it, anyone can.

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Holy crap mountain biking is hard!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Well I went off road/mountain biking yesterday for the first time. For those of you from Tallahassee I went off Meridian at Forest Meadows. Holy crap it was hard! I mean I'm not in the best shape but I'm not in the worst. I used to go smooth trail biking (like St Marks Trail) with my ex and do 6-10 miles. But going on a off road, hilly trail on a mountain bike was completely different. I met with another person from an outdoor group I'm in and he was much more experience and I felt bad because I'm trailing behind him huffing and puffing. There were different loops and you could tell when we met an intersection he wanted to head down and around the lake but I already was out of breath and tired so I said I'd go back and he could keep going. But he was really nice and insisted on coming back with me. I knew it didn't take us too long but we ended up being out there maybe 15 minutes. 15 minutes!! That's it and I was about to die. However, despite being draining and aching I loved it! Being out in a new area with up and downs and riding over roots was a lot of fun (well until I felt like my legs were going to fall off right at the end). I feel like if I keep doing the little loops or small increments I will really get into the whole mountain biking thing. Also it works both upper and low body. I'm especially feeling the upper body today. I would highly recommend anyone trying this but be warned that for beginners it is super hard the first time. But if you like nature, new experiences, and a bit of challenge then you'll probably like this. I'm going to try and go at least once a week from now on so if any of my Tally girls want to join let me know and for those out of area, google bike trails in your area and try it out!


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GLADGAD 7/30/2009 10:04AM

    My BF got me into mountain biking about 10 years ago. So often men bring women out on the trail and expect them to keep up. The woman ends up PO'd and hates it. So it sounds like you have a good friend that introduced you properly to the sport. My BF spent some time teaching me balance drills before we even got out on the trail. Although I had a bad crash early on, I got back on the bike a couple of months later (after a bit of healing) and have enjoyed it since.

I agree it's a super all-body workout. I love the whoop-de-whoops, rooty sections, and actually got pretty good in areas with very tight turns. Enjoy your new-found sport. It is truly a blast!

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BDANTIC 7/30/2009 9:57AM

  I have a good friend who does the mountain bike racing, so after much persuasion, I tried mountain biking for the first time in March of this year. I had been working out since January and was feeling pretty good about my progress. I have to agree - hardest thing I have ever done! But, the feeling of accomplishment at the end was amazing. I have not been on many trails since that time b/c they are hard to find in my area, but I have added biking to my fitness routine and am loving every minute of it.

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