Saturday, June 30, 2012
Here's my wrap up on Operation "Listening to Myself" ( www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_pu
Part 1: The Journal
I didn't miss any days on Part 1. At times, journaling felt burdensome and low priority next to my "should" tasks, partly because of how much time journaling ate up each day. [I wrote extensively: 35 pages, front and back, for 30 days.] Writing was immeasurably beneficial for me in processing, though. It helped me unearth some thoughts and feelings I wasn't quite able to identify otherwise, and to discover the underlying causes of my emotional/binge eating urges...albeit, sometimes in a post-hoc fashion. I surprised myself by the content of my entries, specifically how food- and weight-centered a lot of them were. As a result of journaling and Part 2's verbalization of positive statements, I integrated positive affirmations into my journaling for the last 6 days. I'd initially been hesitant about re-reading previous entries; I've journaled a lot over the years and never revisit old entries. Actually rereading my words gave me perspective and added ability to process my ways of dealing with my subject matter. Aside from starting the day with written affirmations, I think journaling every day is excessive for me, because I just devote so much time to it. It's a good tool to put in my coping arsenal, however. I think writing every 2 or 3 days or on emotionally-intense days will suffice.
Part 2: The Mirror
I missed (skipped/forgot/put off until it was too late) the mirror portion on 4 or 5 days. The positive statements made me feel better about myself, especially when the mirror portion followed a binge. Bingeing led to my wanting to avoid the mirror; on the occasions I did face it, my thoughts were almost universally negative. On occasion, I had lots of trouble countering the negatives with positives; I even found myself anticipating what negative thoughts I was going to have when I saw my reflection and planning a positive counterattack, before I even faced the mirror. Most of my negative thoughts were appearance-related, while most of my positives were not. I couldn't come up with honest positive statements about my appearance.
Saturday, June 02, 2012
I'm really excited about my June challenge, called Operation "Listening to Myself." It sounds exactly like what I could benefit from at this point in time. For those of you interested in participating, check out THE_COUNTESS's post here: www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
In other non-weight terms, my focuses for June are to:
-Consistently get to bed earlier
-Improve my punctuality
Weight-wise, I'd LOVE to be back in my goal range come month's end, but I'll be pleased as long as my weight continues a downward trend.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
First full day under my belt of my new binge-free streak.
2 victories last night:
1) Feeling pretty sure that I was hungry, I sat down to snack on carrots. As I started eating, I realized I wasn't physically hungry. Wrapped them up and refrigerated them for later.
2) Caught myself mindlessly eating cereal out of the box while I was on the computer. (Among Top 5 red flag behaviors.) My Inner Nut Job objected with "Just a couple more bites." Almost listened; then came to my senses and realized a few more bites wouldn't be enough/would be more than enough. I put the shredded wheat I was holding back into the box, walked to the sink, and spat out my mouthful mid-chew.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
I guess the upside to the moral of this story is that, health- and calorie-wise, there are worse things to binge on, but...
When you binge on Fiber One cereal or no sugar added ice cream (read: contains sorbitol), worse things happen than guilt or an initial stomach ache.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
In my last blog, I declared that bingeing did not serve me. After bingeing 3 out of the last 4 days, I’d like to amend that statement: bingeing serves neither my higher goals nor my empowered persona, yet I’m apt to agree with Geneen Roth’s suggestion in her book “Breaking Free from Emotional Eating” that it does serve other purposes.
I have major difficulty simultaneously accepting all the different facets of myself. In my mind, I’m either good or bad. There is no in-between. I judge my whole self based on whichever persona is vocal at present. In truth, I am all parts of myself. Despite knowing that everyone’s imperfect, I don’t know how to tolerate my imperfections. I want to learn how to treat each facet of myself accordingly without my entire sense of self worth getting bashed in the process.
I recent came across a blog ( www.fitwoman.com/blog/overcoming-bin
ge-eating-ego ) in which the writer spoke of naming her weaker self to help her overcome binge eating. The idea seemed worth trying. Perhaps compartmentalizing my conflicting personas will help me to ultimately integrate them. If I can step away from the parts of myself I don’t like, to view them as a third party might, with more objectivity and less vested judgment, then maybe I can gain the perspective necessary for effective self improvement.
Initially, I was just going to name my Inner Child (not the free-spirited, playful one—the one needy for comfort, affection, human touch; crippled by loneliness; terrified of intimacy and abandonment) until I remembered Robert Gould’s name in “Shrink Yourself” for readers’ inner critics, ‘Harriet.’ ‘Harriet’ never fit the bill; but my Inner Critic does deserve a name, and now she has one that suits her. To round things out, the lightness and airiness of myself gets a name. She shall she be the empowered Phoenix self: the one who lost the weight, overcame untold struggles, and for whom bingeing serves no purpose. She isn’t the whole self yet. But by soothing the Inner Child and knocking that Inner Critic bitch off her high horse, I’ll build up the Phoenix.
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