Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Iím depressed today. I know at least one of the contributing factors; while itís something personal that I donít want to publicly share with the entire internet, suffice it to say that itís a depression-worthy cause.
Iím supposed to just allow myself to feel negative emotions without trying to stuff them or self-medicate. (Thatís ďhealthyĒ, right?) I know I CAN handle the pain, because I have, and I continue to. I donít want to.
I want to stay curled up in bed and cry, only getting up to eat or use the bathroom. I want that to be enough, for it to make me feel better; but when I curl up and try to escape, all it does it intensify the crappy feelings until I feel like Iím being sucked into a veritable vortex of misery.
Iím still a little sore from Sundayís full-body strength training workout. Hip abductions, hip adductions, leg raises, calf raises, hamstring curls, donkey kicks, pushups, pull-ups, triceps dips, overhead presses, lat pulldowns, biceps curls, reverse flys. I planned to do the same ST workout todayÖIím not really psyched about it. But Iím pretending Iíve had a LOT more caffeine than I have and thus a LOT more energy than I have, and Iím going for it. If the burning in my muscles canít clear my mind off my misery, I donít know what will.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
I tried it for the first time last Monday and have since gone to Thursday's and yesterday's classes. I love the music, I love the routines, I love the energy, I love the instructor. I love Combat.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
I hit my first plateau. In the last 3 weeks, I've lost .5 lb, gained .7, and gained 2. This is eating healthy, for the most part, and kicking some serious *** at the gym. I thought the .7 lb gain last week was bad enough--definitely enough for my impatience to dictate I change things drastically and push past the plateau. So all this past week, I've been super consistent with my ST, have added on 5 extra mins of cardio daily, and have done exercise classes all week in order to get some variety and break out of this major, major cardio rut I've been in lately. I've had a few nutrition slipups (my dad's been sabotaging me this week), but overall, I think I've been very good. Then that godforsaken scale mocks me this morning YET AGAIN. I mentally prepped myself beforehand in case of a gain...after all, I'm on my rag and very well could still be retaining water. But even though I've reminded myself of that all day, I'm still so frustrated I could scream!! I am working out so long and hard: 60-65 mins of cardio, 15 mins of stretching, and 30-45 mins of ST 5 friggin days a week. Eating veggies with hummus, light yogurt, and pretzels for snacks when I could just as easily be downing a bag of barbeque potato chips or a 3 layer cake. And I gain weight. AAGHH. So part of me wants to just back away from the scale for awhile, because it is clearly NOT helping me mentally right now, but I just joined 2 SP weight loss challenges that require me to weigh in weekly, and I don't want to be a crappy teammate. (I've had way too many of those in previous challenges, and I don't want to be the aggravation-causing flake that leaves my active teammates to drag around my useless dead weight.)
Anywayyy...I NEED to focus on the positive. My new mantra is "Don't self-destruct, don't self-destruct...". I can't let my weight plateau lead me into bad decision making or vicious negative self-talk. I need to focus on the positive. I need to remember that even if the scale's mocking me and my body is refusing to cooperate, I am still making progress. I am getting fitter. I can do things I've never been able to do before. I can take hour-long, high intensity, high impact fitness classes that I never could've kept pace with in the past. But not only am I keeping pace now, I'm excelling. I took Insane Cardio Kickboxing for the first time today. The instructor had different "rounds" of routines; for each round, she picked out the person that did the best and handed out Silly Bandz as a prize. *I* was Round 1 winner. My first day of class, not sure going in if I could even make it through the whole thing, and she picked ME as the winner. So, ok, my weight is making me want to rip out my hair a little bit right now. But that, right there, is what I have to hold onto. I never much understand the whole Silly Band craze, but I'm wearing mine now, and I'm going to continue wearing it. I'm going to look at my wrist and be reminded of how far I've come. A year ago, I couldn't make it all the way through my 25 minute Tae Bo video without needing a break. Today, I did Insane Cardio Kickboxing for the first time, for 60 nonstop minutes, and, during at least 1 part of class, I was **the best**. The scale can bring me down, it can make me feel like I'm wasting my time, it can make me feel frustrated and angry and hopeless, but it can't take away that high.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
I could never really master reading while working out in the past, because it was too hard for me to track the words while I bobbed all over the place. Iíve gotten better at it, though, and lately, Iíve been reading on the elliptical and on the treadmill while walking. A couple days ago, I was pleasantly shocked to discover that Iím actually able to read while running on the treadmill, too. Today I showed up the gym, armed with my ipod and a book and generally feeling pretty awesome, because Iíve been feeling super empowered and extra motivated lately, plus I just got my new Bondi Bands in the mail and was very pumped to finally wear the one Iíve been eyeing for months. Pretty soon into my run, I realized that this was gonna be one of those awesome days. The kind of day that running doesnít feel like work, when my heart and lungs donít feel like theyíre gonna pop outta my chest, that my legs donít want to just STOP, when I can go longer and harder and faster than most days just have fun with it. I got stupid.
I know youíre not supposed to increase your mileage by more than 10% in a week. You need to give your body time to adjust to the increased distance, and if you bump it up by too much, you run an increased risk of injury. And I honestly didnít plan on running as far as I ran, except the mileage counter kept getting cleared because the stupid treadmill repeatedly shut off when I changed the incline. (Sidenote: 3rd treadmill now shutting off when I change incline and/or speed, and this one JUST got repaired today after being out of order for something like 2 months.) I had a book on the console so I couldnít see the distance before it cleared, and I canít really do math in my head too well while working out anyway. Mentally adding up the mileage every time the treadmill stopped and trying to figure out if I was under or over 110% of last weekís distance? No, that wasnít happening. I decided to play it by ear, going on how I felt physically. Like I said before: I got stupid.
Stupid because last weekís longest distance was 3.6 miles, and today I ran 4.55 miles. Stupid because I have untreated runnerís knee and am only now getting back into regularly running multiple times a week for the first time sinceÖAugust?
My knees told me how stupid it was the minute I stopped. Ok, to be fair, they were telling me the majority of the time I was running, but I have to take what they say with a grain of salt. (Whiny mothers, theyíre only happy when I donít exercise at all.) So Iíve iced them once tonight so far. They donít feel great but should be ok as long as I stay off the stairs. Thatís my sincere hope, at least. Iíd be popping Motrin if I had any, but I donít, so Iím stuck with ice for now. Oh yeah, and even with using anti-chafe cream and moleskin, I have a new crop of blisters from these stupid running shoes. (My blisters from my stupid new crosstrainers are happy for the company, but theyíre about it for the welcoming committee.)
So, my knees may or may not be planning a massive rebellion come tomorrow, and my toes look like theyíre gonna be deformed at the rate Iím going; but even so, I feel pretty kick-ass right now. 4.55 miles! Thatís the longest Iíve run so far. I didnít do it straight throughóI took a walking break 40 mins in cuz I was getting this alarming tightness in my chestóbut the 3.66 miles prior to the walk break surpassed my previous record of 3.1 miles without walking.
Letís hope I can move tomorrow.
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