Friday, June 29, 2012
I had to pick my sister up from work at seven, so I decided since I hadn't worked out yet, that I would go to the trail at my neighborhood lake and jog around it three times, since it was about a mile around. Three times, three miles. Made enough sense. I did it, though it did take 49 minutes. Either way, I'm proud of myself because I kept pace and for me, as long as I can keep a decent pace, I'm happy. My overall speed will increase with time.
I was nearly dying by my third lap, but I just kept pushing through trying to concentrate more on my music rather than the fact that sweat was getting into my eyes and burning them. I finally get through the last lap and I look at the timer: 49 minutes....not the best I've ever done for 3 miles, but what the hay..it's been a while, and like I said, a constant pace is more important than a fast speed. A man that I had lapped three times says "That was a pretty impressive run you just did" I say "thank you" and trudge up the stairs to the parking lot. I almost think the stairs were the hardest part :)
When I got home, i'm looking up the distance around the lake because I knew it was a mile, but it was like 1.6 miles or something like that and I wanted to be as accurate as possible. Well, it turns out it's actually 1.26 miles! so basically, I jogged 3.75 miles! I'm way happy about that! I was thinking "Man, I cannot wait until 3 miles gets easy for me" and I realize that it's better to push myself without knowing it. It's like I said before: I psyche myself out of it when I know that the mileage is higher than I'm used to.
Today my sister's work (which is also now my work! Hahaha!) there was a friends and family barbeque for the residents and employees. My sister participated in the ice cream eating contest. They asked me to do it since I was newly hired, but I said I couldn't. The reality is, I couldn't. The last three days have consisted of me staying well within my calorie range and eating healthier foods. I'm really proud of myself. I'm trying to emotionally detach myself from food. I even turned down desserts! I stayed in control today and I'm hoping not just the swimsuit, but the fact that it's been a long time coming, will motivate me to continue on this road to progress.
I ran into the guy that interviewed me at the barbeque, and he was like 'Oh! The background check came back so you're good!' and apparently, he needs someone Sunday, but since there'll be no one to train me, he just gave me a basic run-down and said someone would be there at 11:00 to help me out. The shift is from 7:30 to 3:30. he also said that there's a lot of hours coming up. I'm so excited!
Things are starting to really look up!
I guess that's all I have for now. I weigh in on the first-which is also a Sunday! I'm confident that I'll be lower than I am now. Even if I'm not, I'm so proud of where I'm at and the fact that I'm making the necessary changes.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
So, after months of contemplation, I finally did it-I bought a bikini! It was a cheap wal mart one. I know that a lot of people don't recommend buying smaller clothes to use as motivation, but here's the thing: it fit, I just have to get toned and continue losing the weight. It's actually for next summer. I know that my waist probably won't change THAT much, but even if it does, it was only $8.00. I know for a fact that my bust isn't going to change much. Again, even if it does, it was only $6.00.
I'm found my motivation-and no, it didn't come from the clothing itself. I want to be physically fit. I want to kick-a$$. I can do it! I may not have insanity anymore, but until I get a copy of it-a legit one, I'm going to do the moves I remember (you don't forget something that kicks your butt that bad!) and I'm going to continue riding bike, walking and running. I can do it! I know I can.
I guess I'm realizing that I CAN give up huge quantities of certain foods-especially if it's not worth it calorically. I was eating some whales (they're like knock-off cheez-its) and right when I was about to eat some more, there was a spider in the bag! I threw them away instantly! Maybe it was a higher power telling me I had enough. hahaha. Anyway, I'm really excited. Not just about the bathing suit, but about my motivation. I've been more motivated lately, and I probably haven't lost a TON of weight since the last time I weighed myself, but again, it's not about the weight. It's about being able to do things physically that I never thought were possible.
I feel great and first thing tomorrow, I'm going to do some form of physical activity!
I love myself, and I mean it!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
I went with Adam, his mom, and her partner to the casino in Grand Ronde to get lunch and gamble a little in celebration of Adam and my recent graduation. I was sitting on the corner where the waiter happened to be coming around picking up plates. Adam stacked his plates on top of mine, and I said jokingly "don't put it there, the waiter will think that they're all mine!" and of course, I didn't really think that he's say anything, nor did I think that anything at all would be said. Sure enough, When he came by, he said "You ate all that!?"
I couldn't believe he had said it. I didn't really care though because I know that I've lost weight, and it didn't matter to me because he really didn't know me as a person.
He came around again when just me and his step mom were sitting there, and he said "Aren't you full yet?" Once again, I didn't care. I just figured he hates his job, and if it had been me 80 pounds heavier, I probably would have been in tears.
When we were on our dessert round (yes, there are 'rounds' when I go to a buffet, and that's the ONLY thing I will be eating today) he came by, and made another comment. I said 'Well, I think I'm going to have to throw up to make some room" Of course, the entire table laughed. Shortly after he walked away, I said "I think it would be negligent homicide if they let me make another plate"
After we had eaten, Adam went to have a cigarette, and I went to the bathroom. His parents held back and apparently they were confronting him about his behavior towards us. His mom didn't make a stink about it, she just said "I don't know if you realize that what you're saying could be taken as a hurtful comment by other customers. It could come off like you're just trying to get people out the door while insulting their weight" He replied with "well, SORRY" clearly not meaning it.
I honestly couldn't care less. I guess his mom had never seen that kind of discrimination before because she's not big herself. The funny thing is I'm smaller than I was. I know for a fact that if I had been 330 pounds, I would have cried. I would have been WAY more upset. I just let it roll off my shoulders, but I really do appreciate his mom going out of her way to confront him. I know that even if it had been another person sitting at another table, she would have still said something.
I guess the point of that whole story is it doesn't matter what other people think or say. At the end of the day, I'm doing my own thing. Hell, I did the second day of insanity today! I don't need to let some stupid waiter bring me down today. I feel great, and words like that can't bother me anymore. I had a great day. I even turned 5.00 into 16.00 at the casino. That's pretty awesome in itself.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
I went to Cottage Grove to visit my family yesterday and today. Yesterday, I went crazy and ate whatever the heck I wanted. It kind of sucks because I have been doing that on and off for literally the last week or so. I doubt I've lost any weight, but I will not weigh myself until the first.
I associate visiting family with eating-a lot. I'm sure many of you understand the lure of food at family gatherings. I admit it, yesterday, I pigged out-really badly. I just ate and ate and ate. I was kind of reflecting on the situation as I was lying in bed with horrible gas and an upset stomach, and I decided that the following morning, in spite of the fact that there was going to be waffles, bacon, and eggs, I was NOT going to participate.
I woke up and the first thing I did was drink a glass of ice water-a habit that I'm trying to form, and so far have been relatively successful. I then ate some oatmeal with a banana and a tablespoon of peanut butter. I also had a cup of coffee.
I accounted for everything I ate today. I'm actually really proud of myself because that's a huge battle for me. It's like clock-work. I go there, and I eat mindlessly, but really, there's more to going there than eating, and I'm trying to focus more on enjoying the family I'm visiting rather than just eating stuff. This was the first time I actually honestly tracked everything I ate. I'm very proud of myself and I know that if I did it once, I can do it again, and just ignore the comments. My grandma made a comment about how my cousin is "picky" too when she comes over, but she seems to forget that the cousin she's talking about was once very overweight, and she lost weight by being "picky".
I have decided that I don't care if they think I'm "picky" because I don't want to eat the same things. I don't have to eat the same things to participate. I still ate cake and ice cream, and I managed to squeeze in a cola. I'm just so tired of eating, then feeling like crap, and then eating some more, and then wondering when I'm going to fix it all. How about NOW? Why not NOW? My time is NOW. I count today as a success. Even though I did go over, I tracked everything, and I didn't go SO crazy over that I'm in the 3000 calorie range. I don't want to wait until I'm 270 pounds before I decide I've had enough. I want this now. and I can only work to fix it now.
Friday, June 15, 2012
It seems like every time I realize I'm doing well, I screw it up. Today is a new day and I began it right by eating non-sweetened shredded wheat with 1/2 cup of non-dairy "milk" and drinking 3 cups of ice water. I also walked to the local high school and jogged 3 miles around the track-a total of 80 minutes worth of exercise-and it's only 7:38am. I was having trouble sleeping and had woken up at 4:40 and since the sun was coming up, I decided I might as well get my exercise out of the way for today. I'm glad I did.
On Wednesday, I had my Spanish final. Before we actually took the final, the teacher offered to tell us our pre-final grades. She called us up by class (the final was 3 classes combined into one time slot). I was relieved to learn I had earned an A-. She then made the announcement that because it's hard to get an A with her, those who earned A's earned the right to opt out of the final. She announced our names, and we were off! I was SO excited! I was even more excited because last Friday, I had a dream that my teacher told me I had enough points and didn't need to take the Spanish final. I remember waking up that morning and thinking "man, I WISH!" It never crossed my mind that she would even give that as an option. It wasn't in the syllabus.
Either way, I am officially on Summer vacation! I'm so happy!
After 7 terms straight of going to school, I think I deserve this summer break. I had been busting my butt trying to get my community college stuff out the way, and working towards transferring to the university.
I'm just so proud of myself. I'm hoping for another round of either straight A's, or 3 A's and a B. I know I'm doing well, and I know that I'm going to be successful. Now that I have more free time, I can focus on my workouts and taking time for myself.
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