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Went to my Grandparents' House.....

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Thursday, my two sisters, a long-time friend, and myself went to Cottage Grove to visit my grandparents for the night. Of course, my grandma loves to spoil us-mostly with food. It was a real eye opener. Normally I say I'm going to write everything down, but I end up losing count, or measurements, or conveniently forgetting, and I just say "screw it" sometime mid day.

I always say "next time it'll be different" and sure enough. It really was. The eating wasn't that different. I still felt the social pressure to eat (though I have to say it really wasn't as terrible on paper as I thought it could have been, I thought it was going to be about 6000 calories, but it was actually 4661 for the whole day ). Every time I ate something, I took out my little notebook and pen, and I wrote down what it was, how much of it, and if I could get calorie information, I wrote it down. I seriously did it for every bit of food, beverage, and cup of water-I even counted the alcoholic beverages that I had last night. The numbers as I said weren't pretty, but I am proud of myself because I diligently wrote down everything accurately and honestly. With practice in scenarios like this, it'll become a habit soon enough.

This morning, as I promised myself, I went for a walk. Sure, it was barely a mile and a half, but I broke out into a sweat, and I did it. It's a really steep area, so it was actually a bit of a challenge. I also did some sit ups and push ups. Another good thing is I actually exercised for an hour yesterday before I left to get it out of the way.

These last two days are definitely a learning experience. In fact, I used what I learned from last night today. I had a banana, an orange, some strawberries, and grapes all in a fruit salad-no sauces or anything- with my breakfast. For lunch, I specifically had the half-portion sandwich with a small portion of fries and a salad with light dressing.

I can do this. I am still learning and creating healthy habits. I have to be sure and learn to incorporate these habits with every part of my life. I can't use "I'm out of town" as an excuse not to do this anymore. I seem to have it under control when I'm at home whether I'm at school or it's a weekend. I just have to make this a habit when I'm not at home.

I do have to say that part of the reason I'm not going on a week long road trip to Idaho with the same people I went to Cottage Grove with is because I know for a fact that I wouldn't have a good way to workout comfortably. I know that they'd more often than not eat out at small non-chain restaurants with HUGE portions, and NO calorie information. I'm just not ready for that yet. That, and I don't have the money.

I also had a good chance to talk about things that had been on my mind, so that was good. Better get it out than hold it in and keep eating it. I was glad I could share.

As I said, I learned from my mistakes of yesterday. I've managed to eat only 1992 calories so far today. I've got room for one small dinner type thing, and I'll be finishing homework, and off to bed.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COMINGBACKTOME 7/30/2011 4:31AM

    Tracking is something that helps me immensely - keeps me honest and by not trying to fit myself in 1500 calories a day niche, I'm not going insane and being haunted by dancing cookies.

Good job!

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RUNNERRACHEL 7/30/2011 1:50AM

    Great job on tracking all your calories while away from home. That can be a real challenge! Also, emoticon on getting in a workout! That's great!

You're right--even though we tend to excuse our eating because it's a vacation/holiday/family event/birthday/weekend...etc. it's always good to be consistent. I'm still working on that. I tend to be less cautious at celebrations. So, you've inspired me with your commitment and this is a reminder to always keep in mind portion size, calorie and nutritional info even when it's something special

emoticon You're doing great! emoticon

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Stepping up to the starting line

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I know I was all happy and optimistic in my last journal entry, but today I feel like I'm letting myself slide. I shouldn't be making such terrible choices food wise. Yes, I'm recording it, but I feel like I shouldn't be doing this to my body. I'm just lucky that exercise has become a habit.

I'm trying to think specifically of why I've been eating over my calories and one thing I thought of was school. I am so close to this term being over and once that's over, I'll have one term left. Starting at a University is such a scary thought. It's truly the first 'new' or 'exciting' thing I'll have done in a long time. This also means picking my major. I don't know what I want to do! I can hardly narrow down what I'm good at. How am I supposed to decide what field I want to go into? There's also the matter of the economy being the way it is. What if I choose the wrong major? What if I pick something that might be in demand now, but not when I graduate? There's a lot of "what if?'s" I could ask but....in the end I do have to decide. I just hope I am needed after I graduate.

I guess I do feel a little bit better about it. I know weight loss isn't a race, but I can't help feel jealous of all the people who had less weight to lose and are now celebrating their 30 pound loss.. I guess other people could say the same about me... I Just feel kind of....lost.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNERRACHEL 7/30/2011 1:56AM

    I understand feeling lost. I also understand not knowing what to major in because you want to do something "practical" but you want to enjoy what you do....

The best advice I've ever gotten is to pick something that you love doing that you would enjoy doing every day that it won't feel like work.

Think about what you like/love and you can make a profession out of it. If you pick something just because of the economy you won't like your job.

Update us on what you choose!

Best of everything!

emoticon

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CHRISTEL-LYNN 7/26/2011 10:17PM

    I totally understand the pressure of picking a major. It is a hard thing to do. In your heart, though, you know what you want to do! I know the job market is terrible right now but can money buy you happiness if you are doing something you hate or doing something that is just "paying the bills"? I used to think I could deal with it, but after an intense soul journey I realized what I WANT to do may not make me money but I will be happy to go to work every day! You can't control the what ifs but you can control your "now" just focus on the things you can change and let the rest fall the the way side. You can do this! Just be happy! :) Sorry its so long!

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Slowed down but still happy.

Monday, July 25, 2011

In spite of the fact that I've been going over my calories more lately, I'm still exercising. I still eat less than I used to, and I still haven't lost my motivation. In my opinion, I still consider myself successful.
On Saturday, I went with my sister to Woodburn to meet up with some friends. We ended up going to the outlet mall and trying on some clothes. I was really happy when I could fit into the size 16 capri pants. I didn't buy anything (joy of being poor) but it was good to know that I can still fit into those clothes. I even tried on this size 20 dress that was WAY too big! I'm so happy that I'm no longer in the "20's" for sizes.

On Thursday I'm going with my sisters and a friend to Cottage Grove to visit my grandma and have a 'ladies night'. We're going to go to the mall then, so I'll buy some cheap capri pants at Ross or something.
Even though my progressed has slowed down-like significantly, I am still losing. I guess I just feel like this second half of weight is going to be so hard to lose. I don't know how much more to exercise to make sure I keep losing at the pace I was.
Either way, I'm still on this, there is no 'wagon' to fall off of or get back on to. I'll do fine. Even if this does take a little longer than I originally 'planned', I'm going to just keep doing what I'm doing and let things happen.

I'm still doing great. I can still consider myself a success.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNERRACHEL 7/30/2011 1:58AM

    Great attitude and congrats on fitting into the smaller pants!

You've made a real lifestyle change and are on the right path! The path may curve or go up or down or seem bumpy at times but you are moving forward and that's the most important thing!

You are already a winner! emoticon

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CONTESSA75 7/25/2011 2:11PM

  Just a quick thank you for your blog....you inspire me.

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Turnin' that Frown Upside down

Friday, July 22, 2011

In spite of all the stress, I just wanted to feel good about ONE thing. What did I do? I put on some makeup (I was going to go to my appointment anyway) and gave myself a quick "photo shoot". I can hardly believe how different I look. I know I say it a lot.
I also have been 3itching a lot about how progress is so slow, but these photos really say a lot. I'm proud of myself because I didn't turn to food to feel good. I just reinforced my growing self esteem.

Things are finally starting to look up. I should be getting my financial aid tonight (during bank processing). I'll finally be able to get my laptop back from the pawn shop, buy groceries, gas, and other necessities. I feel really good. Things are going to be tight still (we had taken a book loan just to make rent, so we won't see that little extra 380 or so bucks) but we've been poor for so long that we made a budget and by golly we're sticking to it!

Regarding the slowing down of the weight loss.....it's more than weight loss itself. It's about the actual journey I'm on. I'm actually finding myself, and I'm not afraid of me anymore. It's almost like I was afraid of truly growing up. I'm not anymore. I feel really good. I am loved by many, I am almost done with community college, I have so many cheer leaders on my side. That in combination with some good music, I'm feeling really good.

emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NADECHKA 7/22/2011 9:33PM

    StarD,
this is truly beautiful blog!

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CONTESSA75 7/22/2011 12:40PM

  I must tell you I look forward to reading each and every post you make, you inspire me...well to be me. Thank you. Have a blessed weekend.

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PARASELENIC 7/22/2011 10:50AM

    StarD, You look BEAUTIFUL!

I find your perseverance and resilience absolutely inspiring. I'm so happy for you that things finally got sorted. This is great news.

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Just a little bit closer

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Well, I weighed in yesterday at 244 pounds. I am so amazed with the fact that I've almost hit my "100 pounds lost" mark. 86 pounds is nothing to laugh at. What is funny is looking back, the majority of my work has been this year. Never would I have though I could get down to this weight. I now know that I will be conscious of my health until I close my eyes for the last time. I am so dedicated to myself that there's nothing that will ever make me let this go.

I finally got my award letter yesterday. Unfortunately, it'll still be a couple of days before I actually get the money in my bank account, so I'm stuck at home without any gas. Good thing I waited until week 5 before I missed any classes. At least I know for a fact that I'm getting my financial aid.

On one note, I won't be able to go to kumoricon like I wanted to this fall. I just won't have the money. Hell, I'm lucky that I'm even going to have the money I was awarded. I'm not heart broken over it. I just have to live with the fact that I'm a poor college student.

oh well.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INTOTHEJAM2 7/19/2011 12:57PM

    Congrats on the weight loss! You're doing awesome!!

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