Saturday, July 30, 2011
Thursday, my two sisters, a long-time friend, and myself went to Cottage Grove to visit my grandparents for the night. Of course, my grandma loves to spoil us-mostly with food. It was a real eye opener. Normally I say I'm going to write everything down, but I end up losing count, or measurements, or conveniently forgetting, and I just say "screw it" sometime mid day.
I always say "next time it'll be different" and sure enough. It really was. The eating wasn't that different. I still felt the social pressure to eat (though I have to say it really wasn't as terrible on paper as I thought it could have been, I thought it was going to be about 6000 calories, but it was actually 4661 for the whole day ). Every time I ate something, I took out my little notebook and pen, and I wrote down what it was, how much of it, and if I could get calorie information, I wrote it down. I seriously did it for every bit of food, beverage, and cup of water-I even counted the alcoholic beverages that I had last night. The numbers as I said weren't pretty, but I am proud of myself because I diligently wrote down everything accurately and honestly. With practice in scenarios like this, it'll become a habit soon enough.
This morning, as I promised myself, I went for a walk. Sure, it was barely a mile and a half, but I broke out into a sweat, and I did it. It's a really steep area, so it was actually a bit of a challenge. I also did some sit ups and push ups. Another good thing is I actually exercised for an hour yesterday before I left to get it out of the way.
These last two days are definitely a learning experience. In fact, I used what I learned from last night today. I had a banana, an orange, some strawberries, and grapes all in a fruit salad-no sauces or anything- with my breakfast. For lunch, I specifically had the half-portion sandwich with a small portion of fries and a salad with light dressing.
I can do this. I am still learning and creating healthy habits. I have to be sure and learn to incorporate these habits with every part of my life. I can't use "I'm out of town" as an excuse not to do this anymore. I seem to have it under control when I'm at home whether I'm at school or it's a weekend. I just have to make this a habit when I'm not at home.
I do have to say that part of the reason I'm not going on a week long road trip to Idaho with the same people I went to Cottage Grove with is because I know for a fact that I wouldn't have a good way to workout comfortably. I know that they'd more often than not eat out at small non-chain restaurants with HUGE portions, and NO calorie information. I'm just not ready for that yet. That, and I don't have the money.
I also had a good chance to talk about things that had been on my mind, so that was good. Better get it out than hold it in and keep eating it. I was glad I could share.
As I said, I learned from my mistakes of yesterday. I've managed to eat only 1992 calories so far today. I've got room for one small dinner type thing, and I'll be finishing homework, and off to bed.
Monday, July 25, 2011
In spite of the fact that I've been going over my calories more lately, I'm still exercising. I still eat less than I used to, and I still haven't lost my motivation. In my opinion, I still consider myself successful.
On Saturday, I went with my sister to Woodburn to meet up with some friends. We ended up going to the outlet mall and trying on some clothes. I was really happy when I could fit into the size 16 capri pants. I didn't buy anything (joy of being poor) but it was good to know that I can still fit into those clothes. I even tried on this size 20 dress that was WAY too big! I'm so happy that I'm no longer in the "20's" for sizes.
On Thursday I'm going with my sisters and a friend to Cottage Grove to visit my grandma and have a 'ladies night'. We're going to go to the mall then, so I'll buy some cheap capri pants at Ross or something.
Even though my progressed has slowed down-like significantly, I am still losing. I guess I just feel like this second half of weight is going to be so hard to lose. I don't know how much more to exercise to make sure I keep losing at the pace I was.
Either way, I'm still on this, there is no 'wagon' to fall off of or get back on to. I'll do fine. Even if this does take a little longer than I originally 'planned', I'm going to just keep doing what I'm doing and let things happen.
I'm still doing great. I can still consider myself a success.
Friday, July 22, 2011
In spite of all the stress, I just wanted to feel good about ONE thing. What did I do? I put on some makeup (I was going to go to my appointment anyway) and gave myself a quick "photo shoot". I can hardly believe how different I look. I know I say it a lot.
I also have been 3itching a lot about how progress is so slow, but these photos really say a lot. I'm proud of myself because I didn't turn to food to feel good. I just reinforced my growing self esteem.
Things are finally starting to look up. I should be getting my financial aid tonight (during bank processing). I'll finally be able to get my laptop back from the pawn shop, buy groceries, gas, and other necessities. I feel really good. Things are going to be tight still (we had taken a book loan just to make rent, so we won't see that little extra 380 or so bucks) but we've been poor for so long that we made a budget and by golly we're sticking to it!
Regarding the slowing down of the weight loss.....it's more than weight loss itself. It's about the actual journey I'm on. I'm actually finding myself, and I'm not afraid of me anymore. It's almost like I was afraid of truly growing up. I'm not anymore. I feel really good. I am loved by many, I am almost done with community college, I have so many cheer leaders on my side. That in combination with some good music, I'm feeling really good.
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