Saturday, June 26, 2010
I ended up jogging one and a half! Straight! Without stopping!
Sure, it took me 26 minutes, but you know what? I did it! I didn't stop, and I actually ENJOYED it I wanted to go further but I started to get paranoid about my car being parked where it was.
I feel that I'm really making this happen! It's real. In fact, I felt like I HAD to do something when I first woke up. I've come once again to a point where if I don't work out, I feel antsy. That makes me so happy. I have incorporated exercise into my regular every day life style. I'm sure my diet could use a few tweaks as far as variety is concerned, but I'm actually making this happen and that's the MOST important thing to me.
Last night, I went with my fiancee, sister and family friend to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. I'm happy because I didn't get the big portion size. Trust me, I wanted to. It was about 8 when we went out and I hadn't eaten since my lunch at work which was 2:00. I'm also happy because I drank water instead of that high calorie "goblet" of a margarita like I wanted to or dehydrating soda. The most exciting thing with all this is people are noticing and supporting me. I REALLY appreciate everyone who encourages me.
Even behind my back, people are saying things to my sister and my fiancee about my progress. This is one instance where I don't mind if people talk behind my back.
Seriously. I'm so proud of myself. I feel so positive and encouraged. Though it's been said MANY times before, THIS TIME It's going to happen for me.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I got a random call from a friend that I haven't spoken to in about five years. I was talking to him about how I was actually looking into joining the military once I dropped down to an acceptable weight. After I said that, he said "No offense, but I don't think you'd last in something like that. I don't think you can handle it" At that point, I was thinking "how the HELL could you know? I haven't seen or heard from you in like FIVE years! I've changed SO MUCH since then!" He wasn't being rude about it, but it just reminds me that people aren't ready to take me seriously. I probably don't even take myself seriously at times. It's not real until it's REAL. I know that I have a long way to go. I honestly have about 95 pounds to go until the're willing to take me seriously. I can understand that. To them, I'm just another lazy fat girl with no name. Guess what? You're gonna know my name, and yes. You're gonna REMEMBER it.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Looking back, I remember when I first started this journey. I was living in an apartment complex that had a fitness center. I was 330 pounds. I couldn't walk on a treadmill for more than 40 minutes without feeling entirely exhausted, even though I liked to think I was able to do it with ease. As I progressed, I managed to add more time and intensity to my workouts. While 40 minutes is great, at least 60 minutes is way better. In fact, I crave MORE. I want to wake up earlier so I can add more time to my walks.
I went to visit family yesterday. I must admit, I ate pretty terribly. These things do happen.
I can still move on. There is still progress to be made, there are still goals to reach for. I am not broken over this. On a good note, my family noticed my weight loss, and congratulated me on my progress. Its always nice to hear encouragement.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Yesterday was not a good day food wise. I still exercised, but I must say, I went over by quite a bit. I won't let that get in the way of my progress. I found that it's not the act itself that can be damaging (though it really honestly doesn't help the cause that much) but the reaction.
Sure, I can have a bad day, but I just have to move on, it's a lot healthier mentally than just dwelling on it or saying "well I might as well eat give up" or whatever.
I can admit that my eating habits were less than acceptable yesterday (and even slightly the day before to be totally honest), but today's a new day, and I've got a new slate. Mess ups happen. I feel that one of the most important lessons I've learned by doing this is I don't deserve to beat myself up. I don't deserve to look down on myself and deny my body the exercise or the encouragement it craves just because I messed up once. I deserve to be coached and learn from my experience and then to continue encouraging myself. I'm still going to workout today, I'm going to eat better today, and I'm going to continue to be proud of myself for my progress. I guess it's like this: A mother generally doesn't stop loving her child when the child messes up. The same goes with self respect.
I am going to challenge myself today. I want to jog an entire mile. I want to go out to the high school track and just jog at least one mile. I want to prove to myself that it's not just a crazy thought, and it's not impossible. sure, I'm a big girl, but I can still do this. In fact, doing this is going to help me become a not-so-big girl.
In spite of yesterday and even the day before, I feel just awesome.
Friday, June 18, 2010
My sister was so super nice and bought me some clothes yesterday from Maurices. No, it wasn't my birthday, she was just being nice. I got a denim jacket, a nice shirt, a purse, and a goldenrod colored tank top. I honestly look really good in them. Basically, she has a credit card through them, and I'm going to pay her back. It was pretty cool. I was hoping to find another pair of pants, but I guess the sizes there run differently than the pants that I have. I'm probably going to try to find a size smaller pants at Shopko where I bought the current jeans that I have. Either that, or Lane Bryant. I know that some brand sizes run slightly different or don't stretch or whatever have you. I'll see what I can find next pay day. I went for a walk this morning, and for some reason, the last time I jogged .69 miles straight, I thought it might have been a fluke. I tried again, and sure enough, it wasn't! It's weird. I feel like I almost zoned out during the whole thing. Driving down the road, it seems like a long distance, and looking back, I think 'Did I really just jog that whole thing!?' It's not a fast jog by any means. I'm not going to worry about speed until I can jog a further distance. I have been using the end of the street as a guide so far. I haven't given myself a break yet this week. I've worked out Monday to today. I had normally taken Friday's off, but I had woken up as normal, and thought "Well, I'm already awake, I might as well do this". I actually WANTED to. I am seriously proud of what I've done to this point, and I know from here, I can only get better and stronger.
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